49. Reducing Screen Time! We Are Four Weeks Strong & I Have Mindset Tips For You!

Hello my beautiful friend and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. This episode is going to be a bomb.com much needed topic and it's very relevant in my life right now with my kids. So I just think that sharing it here on the podcast can serve you too. So personally, I like to limit screen time for my boys as much as possible. And yes, it goes into behavior for them. I've found that my boys just behave better and like a more desirable way that I feel is easier to navigate when we have been limiting or at least staying very intentional with screen time. And for my kids, what I have found is less is just best. Less is best. How about that? That rhymes. We'll stick with that. Less. Less is best with my boys. So be it a show or movie or the iPad or my phone, whatever it is, it does not really help my kids and create this desired outcome that I really want when I just let them watch a show or watch a movie or be on the iPad or have my phone to play a letters app. Even if it's like an educational thing. I have personally found that sometimes it just creates more difficulty in parenting and really just like unnecessary obstacles and behavior that I wouldn't be experiencing if they didn't have the screens going on. So that's just what I've observed with my kids. And you know, if you're just like starting out this episode and you're like, I'm not interested in reducing screen time in my home, that's totally fine. I love you for that. I love you right where you're at. I'm just acknowledging where I'm at in my life with my family, family and seeing that we are just watching way, way too much for us. So I'm going to fill you in on that. I'm going to share with you what I've been doing for the past four weeks because I have been putting this thing into practice for four weeks and I've seen huge, huge returns on my mental investment and the discipline that I have built up within myself, myself. I've just seen like huge returns on that when it comes to my kids behavior, the way they're spending their time, how I'm feeling in the home and just our energy in General. So I want to share this with you. So about. Actually, it wasn't even four weeks ago that I noticed this. It was like six months ago. So Drew, my little sweet Drew, is now eight months old. And before having him, we were not watching movies. Like, we just. We weren't watching shows. We weren't watching movies. My boys were probably watching a movie maybe like twice a week. And my boys don't watch shows. So when I refer to a movie, that just means for us, TV time. Because my kids don't watch shows. They do use the Homer app on the iPad, and that's like an educational app. And alpha letters, which is just a fun, again, educational app. Those are the two apps that I let my boys use. And we don't watch shows. So if they watch tv, they're watching a movie. That's just how it's gone in our home. I, um. And anyway, before having Drew, so eight months ago, I really loved our routine. I think it was maybe like twice a week that they're either watching Homer or watching a movie. And I just felt really good about that. Their behavior was super awesome. And they were still spending, like, a lot of time outside being creative, playing together and experiencing boredom, which I just think is really important for kids and us and life in general, because that's where creativity is born, is in boredom. So anyway, we were going through all that, and then we had Drew. And at the same time, like, my home went through a lot of big transitions all at once when having Drew. So that really threw me for a loop. I was just trying to find my footing and recovering postpartum. I just thought it was sweet that my whole family sat on the couch together and watched a movie every day. And it was just like a 90 minute to 2 hour period of time that we just sat there. I had a sleeping newborn on my chest, and it was like a dream come true. Like, very intentional decision. I wanted to be doing that. And I felt amazing about it for, like, the first month. Like, I felt so good about it. And then after that first month, I started getting more energy back. I started feeling a little bit stronger. I felt good about my sleep, like, things were flowing a little bit better, and I still felt a little bit like, okay, but what's our routine? What's our schedule like? Because now I have a newborn that wants to be held, and I'm trying to figure things out and there's nap schedules. And, you know, I just think in that first year of life with having a baby, that the schedule, it's like, you have this one day that you're like, yes, we're nailing the schedule. We have the nap schedule, the feeding schedule. We nailed homeschool or whatever it is for. For your home, and you're just, like, feeling really good about that. And. And then the next day, there's like, a sleep regression or some type of leap or some type of developmental thing going on that shifts things. And now instead of four naps, the baby's going down to three, and then instead of three, the baby's going down to two. And. And now we're introducing solids. And, like, there's still breastfeeding going on. And why are they waking Middle night? Like, there's just always something. It feels like throwing us for a loop. So we get, like, three days of feeling like, yes, I have a routine, and then something changes. So anyway, that's pretty much been the past eight months, plus my marriage. Like, I want to take care of my marriage. I want to take care of my home, and I want to take care of my work, like, pouring into you guys, too. And I've just noticed obstacles in all of those areas for me that I am really just trying to navigate. Like, I really want to put the best content out there for you and be very consistent on the social channels that I'm on so that I can just continue serving you. And I feel like this is such a wonderful time in my life to share so much mindset because I'm constantly working myself through it every single day, and sometimes I just don't actually make the content to go along with it. I'm like, man, like, I really want to put this out there, so I'm going through that, and I want to spend more time with my husband and be very intentional and deliberate with our time together, and I want to take care of my home and have a solid routine. So all these things going on over the past eight months, that. That first month of intentionally choosing, like, we're watching a movie every day. And I very much look forward to this time together on the couch, just with a newborn on my chest. That one month turned into eight, and the last seven months of that have been like, I'm not even. I'm not doing that with my boys. I. I'm turning on a movie so that I can try and get something else done, like edit a reel to post or send out that email. Just business stuff or run an errand, like, while Marcus is home with the boys. Like, I've just been using that as a way to try and get something else done. And I personally believe, like, with my mindset, there's a better way. There's a better way for me to still do what I want to do without sacrificing what I find to be a very big priority in my journey of motherhood, which is the childhood my kids are experiencing. Like, that's a very big priority of mine. And personally, at least in my home, it's not like the movie thing, the screens, it's not so much about my kids behavior because I feel I can support them through whatever behavior they have and I do want to make changes that best serve them. So I look at the behavior as a symptom and then I'm always looking for the root cause, like, okay, what's causing this behavior? Instead of looking at the behavior as the cause. The behavior's not the cause. The behavior is the symptom. So. So that's the way that I personally look at it. So when it comes to the, to watching a movie, I just feel like it takes so much time away from our day and I don't like that. I don't like that my kids are just sitting there staring at a screen. Um, and I think that there's a time and place for that. Sure. And that's what we're finding right now that I'm excited to share with you that we've been implementing for the past four weeks. And I just don't want it to feel like, excessive. I want my kids to experience boredom. I feel boredom is such an excellent door to creativity. It's such a door to imagination and what childhood's really about, like developing yourself and learning and exploring and, and having fun and being creative. So I just. That's why screens, limiting them matters so much to me. Yes. Behavior is a part of it. And the bigger focus for me is really just the childhood my kids are experiencing. I want them to play, I want them to play together. And I've noticed that when my kids watch movies, they, they come across as like experiencing irritability, especially towards one another. They're more aggressive with one another. And sometimes, like, especially with Luke, my kids just have obviously different personalities and so do yours. With Luke, my middle one, I feel that whenever, on the times that they do watch movies, he's. It's challenging to communicate with him afterwards and like, reason with him. So like, I'll try my best to communicate and do everything that I know how to do. And it's just, it. It gets very difficult to reason with him where he just gets so locked in and Honestly, a little bit hysterical about whatever's happening and then very aggressive towards Liam, so. And even us. So anyway, navigating all that, yes, it's behavior, it's more so just like my ideal, the ideal childhood that I want to give my kids. Um, so anyway, the past seven months, not happy with that. So the past four weeks I was like, I'm done with this. I just, I made the vision of to focus on what I really want. And what I want is that childhood. Like I have the vision of the childhood I want for my kids. So I know exactly what I want. And a movie every day is not a part of that vision. So really I'm just taking that out so I can focus on the vision more clearly. And I decided that a wonderful place to start was instead of saying we're not watching movies ever again, or we're doing a hundred day challenge of no tv, I just, just didn't want to do that. I thought that I could realistically commit to watching a movie on Fridays. So that's what we decided to do it. There's no movie on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, for sure, but for sure. And then Friday, I'm like, okay, great, we can look forward to that. Awesome. And then Saturdays and Sundays, I'm like, well, if we're out and about, then the TV is like, not really a temptation anyway. So I didn't even think about Saturday and Sunday much. I really was just focusing on the weekdays, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I don't want the movies. And for some of us, that's referring to like shows or just TV time in general. I do not want to turn on the tv Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. And I want that for myself too. Like, seriously, I want that for myself too. So anyway, four weeks ago I told the boys, like, we are going to watch a movie every Friday. And they're like, okay. And I didn't necessarily expect express that that meant we are taking the movie away from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I didn't express that. I just thought it was better to focus on when they are going to watch the movie. And that's what I really want to teach you. Here is the language you're using with your kids and that mindset that you have about it is helping them build a mindset too. We are always teaching. What we're modeling is teaching. And it's just so helpful to be intentional and deliberate with your language because that's teaching, right? So I stayed very intentional and deliberate to focus on. We are watching one on Fridays. On Fridays you can Pick the movie that you want. We can all sit down and watch it. You can watch it in the basement. You can watch the living room, whatever you want. We will do that on Fridays. And there's still, like, some. There's actually a lot of structure to that. So, like, we still have our morning cleaning routine, and the are things they need to get done before they watch the movie. So we're still very much, like, functioning as a family unit, and I don't want everything falling on me. So anyway, I started with that, and they're like, okay, so. And I think I told them that on, like, a Sunday or something. So we. I think we watched a movie that Sunday, too. And then I said, okay, we're watching a movie on Fridays, and they're all excited. And then the next day comes, which is Monday, and like, mom, can we watch a movie? And I'm like, oh, on Friday. Like, I'm so excited to watch a movie with you on Friday. And then like, 10 minutes later, mom, can we watch a movie? Yes, on Friday. Do you want to tell me what movie you want to watch on Friday? And then they tell me, movie. What you want to watch on Friday. And then they're like, mom, who watch movie? And I'm like, I am so excited to do that on Friday. And I was very intentionally and deliberately avoiding the word no. I try really hard not to use the word no and not. Those are two words. I mean, and can't. So, no, not and can't. I try really hard to creatively form sentences and use language that removes those words. Because one, when we tell our kids, you can't watch a movie, why can't they? What are you talking about? The TV's right there. The remote's right here. I know how to do this. Why can't I watch a movie? I'm perfectly capable of doing this. I don't understand why you're saying I can't. So that, to me, just builds a mindset that is very confusing for them. And then you start to feel frustrated because you're telling them that there's something that they can't do. And in. What you really mean is you're not allowing them to do that. What we're saying is, I. I don't want to do that. So we're not going to do that because I don't want to do that. It's not that we can't. It's that I don't want to. And that's fine. That's fine. It's just that that's more true than they can't. So that's why I try to remove can't as often as possible. And that takes a lot of mental effort, friends, and a ton of practice. So start practicing. It's fun. Start practicing. Number two, I removed the word not, so you cannot watch a movie. I don't want to. I don't want to form a sentence like that, because in their mind, I just imagine it as if they. Their mind skips the word not. It doesn't process the word not. So in their mind, it's like they're hearing, you can watch a movie, and if I'm gonna say that to them, and that's the way their mind's gonna process it, I'd rather have it with a lot more clarity. So you can watch a movie on Friday. That's the way their mind's processing anyway. So I just remove the word not. You cannot do that. And to me, what my kids are hearing is, you can do that. Do not hit Drew. To me, my kids are processing. Hit Drew. So I love to give, like, direct intention to them and direction so that they can always know what they can do. I want them to have a mentality that says, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. And apply that to life whenever they freaking need it, instead of falling back into conditioning, which we all have. And that conditioning would sound like, I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't want that. I really don't want that for them. Um, so anyway, in that language, I do that very intentionally and specifically, and I want you to practice that, too, while also staying aware that it's going to feel very difficult for you at first. And that's okay. That's okay. It just. It just shows you. Wow. My own conditioning is so strong and tied into this can't mentality. And focusing on the word not and emphasizing what I don't want to happen, that's what our mind is freaking doing all the time. It's focusing so much on what we don't want to happen that it's all we're talking about. It's all we're emphasizing instead of observing, well, I don't want that. So here's what I am going to do. Here's what they can be doing. This is the direction I am going to give and the permission that I'm going to extend Extend them, which is very helpful. It's productive, and it just. It really just lays an excellent foundation for their mindset to continue growing on. And yours as well. So with the movies that first week, my kids were asking me every single day. Maybe like 15 times a day, at least. It was. It felt constant. Friends. And here was a very important part in that that helped my mindset about navigating that very repetitive asking that they were doing. Number one, this matters so much to me that I'm willing to repeat myself. How many times do we sit back and we're like, I shouldn't have to repeat myself. Freaking. Screw that. Screw. Screw it. Okay? Because we don't control our kids. And how often or how many times they're going to ask us if they can do the thing that they want to do. We don't control that part. We control us. We control the way that we respond. And if something matters that much to you, I think it's worth repeating because we don't control when someone finally gets it. So it is worth repeating. Create that affirmation for yourself. This matters so much to me. I'm willing to repeat myself. Let that be the narrative you have. I'm willing to repeat myself. I'm willing to repeat myself. I'm willing to repeat myself. And then surrender the idea of controlling when your kids ask. Don't worry about that part. Let them ask when they want to ask. They're communicating with you. That's an excellent thing. If they have something that they really want to do in life, you're the person that they're going to come talk to about it. And I think that's really freaking special. So let's nurture that. Maybe it's starting with movies, but maybe one day it turns into a career or an idea and a sport they want to pursue or whatever. Like, I just think that it's really worth nurturing. We don't want to shut it down over a freaking movie. Like, are you kidding me? No, we're not gonna do that. So anyway, we want to encourage that. And when you're. When you're communicating with your kids in this way, you're opening up that narrative that they can ask all they want. And the answer is the same, because you're holding that personal boundary with yourself that you do the things you say you're gonna do. So if you say, we can watch a movie on Friday, that is the same answer. No matter how many times my kids ask me, I'm not changing my mind. I. And seriously, friends, let's Just think about this. If my kids ask me 31 times, can we please watch a movie? And I finally just say, whatever, turn on a freaking movie. I don't care. And I do that, what's going to happen next time? Well, they're going to ask me 33 times, 34 times, 35 times, 42 times, 65 times. It's just going to multiply the amount of times I see this behavior because I didn't hold my own boundary. It has nothing to do with. They shouldn't be asking and they should just listen to me. I need to listen to myself. I need to follow through on the things I say I'm going to do. I need to teach my kids that they can trust what I say. And I mean what I say. That's what I need to teach them. And maybe I haven't taught them that in the past, and that's fair. Which leads me to my next point. I have literally taught my kids to expect a movie every day for the past eight months. What a habit. Like, seriously, if we've done something every day for eight months straight, don't you think that forms quite the habit? Yes. And the expectation. This is what I've ex. This is what I've conditioned my kids to expect. They expect a movie every day. And that's fair because I have allowed that to happen. So. So, yes, I'm willing to repeat myself. And I also understand this mentality. It's a mindset. I have taught my kids to expect this. Now I'm teaching my kids to expect this. So instead of expecting a movie every day of the week, now I'm teaching my kids to expect a movie every Friday. Is that going to be difficult for them? Yes. Is it okay that it feels difficult for them? Yes. Is it okay if it feels difficult for me? If. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. That's so valid. And I know I can do it. It's not going to last forever. I know that. I know this is going to pass. The season's going to fly by. And honestly, the first week is likely going to feel the hardest, which it did. The second week, I noticed it trinkling down a bit. The third week, I noticed it trinkling down a lot more. This fourth week. I'm not even kidding you. This fourth week, my kids did not ask to watch a movie one day this week. Not one day. Isn't that amazing? They've been playing, they've been being creative. They've been with friends, they've been outside, they've been helping me. They've been involved. They've experienced boredom. Like, they have taken out toys that they haven't even been playing with that I honestly forgot that we even had. I'm like, amazing, amazing. So I know that there are circumstances that can make it harder, right? Like the weather. I live in Utah and this feels like the longest winter ever. So it's. I. I get it. And it's just easier to just turn on the TV because, oh, now it's snowing again outside or it looks sunny and it's actually frigid wind. So. And we have a baby and I know we can bundle up and it's just not. It's just not my favorite thing, friends to bundle up my baby and walk in the freezing cold wind. Like, that's just not my jam. And I'm intentionally choosing not to do that. So I'm an exercise I at home. I'm going to run around inside my home. My kids, I let them ride their strider bikes around the house like we do. What works best for us and what's important is what you're teaching your kids to expect. I want you to really ask yourself, are you teaching your kids to expect a movie every day? If they're watching a movie every day, then yes, we're teaching them to expect that movie. We're teaching them to expect the morning show. We have taught them to expect expect TV before bed instead of books before bed. So now we say, okay, we're not watching TV before bed. We don't want to word it like that. Right? We don't want to focus on the knot. See how my mind just like, automatically wanted to do that. It's because I'm not, I'm not focusing on that intention behind it enough. So if I had planned to read books before bed instead of watching TV with my kids, I would be preparing myself, especially in my journaling practice. Honestly, I have been journaling about how accepting I am when my kids ask to watch a movie and how firm I am in my decision to watch a movie on Fridays. And I'm willing to repeat myself. I journal about that all the time. And you can grab the alignment journaling course just www.alignmentjournaling.com. you can grab that course and I'll teach you step by step exactly how to do it. So you can feel really proud of the way that you're showing up in motherhood and serving your kids and. And yourself. It does not serve you to continue allowing habits and routines to go on that are harming you and you don't like them and you don't feel good about them. Like, I don't want that for you. So anyway, if we decided that we are going to read books before bed instead of tv, I would be mentally rehearsing that. I'd be intentionally setting out for how I'm going to communicate it with my kids and keeping it a very positive conversation. So instead of focusing on, well, we can't do that. We can, we can, but we're not even going to talk about that because we can read books. We can read books together. You can pick whatever book you want and I will sit here and read it for you. Yes, we can read two books. Yes, we can get a book about this topic that you love so much. What can we do? We're going to emphasize what we can be doing and instead of making it the conversation all about, no, we can't watch TV at night, we can't do this, why can't we? And then you're scrambling to come up with a reason why. No, we, we. That's not the only way to do something. That's not the only way to do something. We can have very positive and empowering conversations with our kids that by default condition them to have a very positive, empowered mindset as well. So even when something's shifting in life and maybe something fell through and it's not their favorite thing, or they're no longer doing the thing that's very familiar and comfortable and easy for them anymore, and they can still have a mindset that says, I can do this, I want to work out, I want to get these results. Here's another way that I can incorporate this instead of, I can't, I can't, I can't. Right? So, yes, this is about screens. This is about movies and how my family is reducing them right now. And I feel so good about where we're at watching them on Fridays and then Saturday, Sunday, it's kind of like a toss up. Like if we're home and we just want to chill and watch that, fine. And I also know that we likely are out doing something on the weekend, so it's just not a huge concern of mine. My main goal right now is just to nail down the weekday schedule and then I'll focus on the weekends personally. So if you want to meet me there and do that with me, just get very intentional. What do you feel good about doing? And just make sure that whatever you set out to do, you are responsible for that and you understand that whatever type of pushback you're feeling from your kids. We have to also recognize that they're fighting for something that we have been giving them. They're fighting to keep something that we have taught them to expect. That's. It's just familiar, that's all. It's an expectation, and it makes sense why it matters so much to them. Just like we like our habits, we like our routines, we like familiarity and comfort, so do they. And we get to provide that in better ways. If you want to. If you've thought, you know, books before bed would be better than TV before bed. And that is just an opinion. That's just an opinion. And if you've decided that that's the opinion you want for your home, you can do that. And there are very empowering ways to do that. Guys, I'm so excited to read books before bed. Yes, we can read two books. I want to watch TV before bed. I know. I know you do. And that's what we've been doing every night. And that is what I have taught you to expect every night. It makes a lot of sense why this feels so upsetting. I am trying to make this very enjoyable. So I would love for you to pick a book. If you've decided that you would rather not pick a book. Okay, that's fine, too. We are going to read this. We are going to sit on this bed. We are going to sit on the floor. We're going to sit in a fort. We're to going whatever, and read a book. You're welcome to join us if you want. And if you have decided that that's not what you want to do, that's fine. This is. This is what we're doing, though, like, being able. Being able to take back that ownership as a mother, that empowerment as a mother, that really, we get to make the choices. And it's. It's so. It's so incredible. It's so incredible just how many choices we make on a daily basis and just how many we can get very intentional about. So, anyways, friends, we're in week four of it. My kids didn't ask for a movie one day this week. And I just feel so excited to continue running with this and nailing down our weekday routine and then eventually get to the weekend. Um, and I hope the same for you. I hope that you feel very excited about your daily routine, and if not, I hope that you understand that you can change, that you can do something different. You can empower yourself. You're strong enough. Um, and your mind is your servant. So you get to condition it to think in a way that supports you and aligns with you. And that is my personal journey that I've been through over the past five years. I've been conditioning my mind to support me and do differently because that's the life I want to live. I don't want to live my life by default. I don't want to just operate based off of my past conditioning and programming. I have no desire to do that. And if you're with me, well then let's freaking keep going. I'm proud of you. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so, so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.