53. A Story That Shares New Perspective on Initial Feelings and Thoughts Followed By Your Intentional Response and Decisions

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started, my friend. I love it when we get to chat together. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for being here, for having an open mind, a soft heart, and. And meeting me right where you're at so we can keep on growing together, because that's what this is all about. This is why we do this work, because it is possible for us to be who we want to be in motherhood and to feel proud of the way that we handle our circumstances. And even if we've been through such difficulty and hardship throughout our life, which I've personally been through, and I have a strong feeling you have been too. Our stories can look so different and we can share the same feelings. We can share similar feelings and different experiences. And I think it's so beautiful that we get to meet, meet up with each right here. And I truly hope that in all the work that I do, I teach you a little bit more. I give you one new respect, perspective. I just give you more practical skills and tools to be implementing on a daily basis so you can feel proud of yourself and the way that you're showing up. So I'm going to share a story with you today that might pull on your mommy heartstrings, might honestly bring up some feelings of like, oh, man, I've done that. I. I've done that. And you know, me too. Me too. This story, though, I feel is so important, and I feel so grateful that I was present in this moment so I could see what was really happening amongst all of the fear that I was facing and the worst case scenario thoughts that are rushing through my mind at that time. So my family went to the beach together and this was while we were on our trip. And we're at the beach and we're having a great time. And Liam, my sweet Liam, he is almost 5, and he will make friends with. With anyone. Everywhere he goes. I can count on him to just see people and to love people and to put himself out there. And it's. It's so freaking sweet. And it doesn't mean that people always reciprocate. I've just. I've watched him grow so much, and he's Always been this little baby that waves at people in the grocery cart. And now he's almost five years old, and again, he still sees people. And I love that about him. I think it's just. Just a big part of who he is. So we're at the beach, and while we're at the beach, Luke and I were boogie boarding in the waves, him and I. Marcus was under the umbrella with baby Drew. And Liam went, you know, to crash somebody's hole digging party where they're. They're kind of like building a little pool in the sand. And I don't know if you ever did that as a kid. It's really fun. So they're digging huge holes and they want to, like, sit in it and let the waves fill it with water. And he's, you know, he's just finding friends everywhere, and we have an eye on him the entire time. He's literally, like, right next to us, just playing with other kids and sitting with another family. And anyway, Marcus and I take turns going into the water, playing with Luke, playing with Drew. And it was. It was about time to go. So we had been there for a few hours, and it was time to go. Now Luke and Drew were like, deal. Okay, we're over it. We're ready to go. And Marcus and I are like, let's go. Go. It's feeling hot. It was the Sunday before Mother's Day. It was feeling hot. We were, you know, just ready. So we get everything packed up. I let Liam know, hey, Liam, let's go get them all rinsed off. And he's standing next to us at the wagon. Now, the sand was hot, so he decided to run up to the grass, which was probably like 20 yards in front of me, not far. So he runs up to where there's some grass, and I'm like, hey, deal. He's no longer burning his feet. The kid's almost five. He's got this. And I would not say that I am overly cautious of, like, no, you need to stay right next to me this whole time, and you can't take three steps away from me. I am very much not that way. I really trust my kids. And. And I know that even if you are that way, I know you trust your kids. It's. It's the. It's the circumstances outside of your control and the potential of other people that you don't trust. And I get that. I totally get that. I'm just giving you some perspective here of, like, I'm totally fine with Liam running over to the Grass. Luke and Drew are in the wagon. We're getting things put into the wagon now. We finally grabbed the wagon, and it had literally been two minutes from the time, maybe not even two minutes. Moms, friends, you know how fast this happens. You know what I'm talking about? Like, it's not even a minute of you looking away. And now you're like, wait, where'd you go? So I thought Liam was at the grass 20 yards in front of me. And we take the wagon and we pull it up there, and I'm, like, looking around. We get up to the grass. We're finally in the shade. And Drew, I don't want him in the sun too long, especially his little, delicate baby soft skin. Luke, he's about to pass out in the wagon. So he's fine. We pull him up to the shade. I'm like, liam, don't see him. And we're looking around. There's two birthday parties going on. And at this beach, there's also, like, this little. It's kind of like a tiny divider. It's called Poco beach on Maui. It's really beautiful. If you ever go. And there's, like, a shallow area that a lot of kids like to play in. And then there's the bigger area that we were at to be in the waves and in the shallow area. It's like water comes in, and waves can't come in because there's these rock walls. So anyway, we're standing in the grass area, and I'm, like, scanning the beach, and it's now been two minutes, three minutes that I don't know where Liam is. And my. I've. I've got. I have fears as a mother that I'm constantly and consciously working on to keep my mind in a space where I feel very empowered. And I do not feel like a victim of my imagination, because these things have never happened. And, you know, we learn things as mothers. Human trafficking is a thing. Your kids can get abducted, and we hear about these things, right? So that is one of my fears as a mother, and I could talk a whole lot on that. And I work really hard to keep my mind in a very empowered place about those things, because I don't control the world. I don't control other people. I get to decide who I am as a mother and feeling proud of the way that I show up. And that's what I really want to empower you with, too, because I know how easy it can be to get stuck in these thoughts that say, XYZ is going to happen to my kids. And that's not a fact. You're not a fortune teller. Your mind can't predict the future. Right? So I just want you to always know who you are and have this mindset that says, no matter what, I will be there. I will show up. Like, I've got this and we're not living in so much fear because there are things that you want to do as a mother and gosh dang it, I'm not going to let your fear take you from doing that and keep you from doing those things. So anyway, we get up to the grass and it's now about two or three minutes. Not exactly sure where Liam walked off to. There's also a bunch of chickens on Maui and Liam likes to catch the baby chicks. So I saw two older boys and older. They were probably like 10 and 11, and they were by these like pine looking trees. So I'm like looking over there, still trying to stay next to the wagon. Marcus is now walking over that way and they're chasing chickens right there. I'm like, maybe Liam found a friend. I mean, goodness, if there's one thing Liam's going to do, it's going to be finding a friend. So I'm looking over there and I don't see him. And I'm hollering his name like, Liam, Liam. Like, hollering his name, trying to just hear him say, here I am. And I've told my kids this so many times, if you ever hear mom say your name, Liam, Luke, I need you to say, here I am. Like that. I just, I need to hear it. I want to hear it from you. That's what you say. If you hear me, hear your name. Even if you're hiding in the clothes rack at a. At a store, I. That's besides the point. You're going to say here I am. Because if I'm calling your name, it's very important that I know where you are. And I've. I've really taught this to my kids over and over and over. So I knew, like, if he were in the trees, he would say, here I am. And at this point, again, it's like three minutes and I'm standing next to the wagon and I'm like, oh my gosh, like, where is this boy? And my mind starts with the thoughts, the same ones that I just shared with you. Like, where'd he go? Did someone take him? Oh my gosh, there's a parking lot right here. It'd be so easy for someone to take Liam and just put him in their car and drive away. And my mind is creating these stories and these visuals and the worst case scenarios and what that would look like 10 years from now. My mind's going all over the dang place. And meanwhile, my eyes are scanning every single person at the beach in the trees, at the birthday party behind me, and at the other birthday party next to me. Every single person. I'm scanning them. I can see the family under the umbrella, the family that's digging the stand, the family that's playing with sand toys, all the kids boogie boarding in the water. I'm like, where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? I just keep looking, looking, looking. And I finally, Marcus is still looking over by the trees. And guys, this is. Is like 20 seconds. And my mind feels so loud with the thoughts and I feel afraid in this moment. I feel just. I just feel it. You know, you're a mom, you're listening to the story. I feel it. And I finally walk over to where that more shallow water is, and I'm walking over there. And mind you, I've got Luke and Drew in the. In the wagon. I don't want to walk away from them. And. And I'm still hollering Liam's name. I've probably like yelled his name out 20 times now. And nothing. And there's these three little girls. They're probably like 14, 13, 12, like all in that age range. And they're just standing there like, who are you looking for? And I'm like, my son Liam. He's almost five. He's this tall. He's wearing this color shirt, he's got this color hair, he's got tan skin. Like, I'm explaining them who Liam is and what he looks like to them, hoping that they could help me look or if they've seen him. I'm like, have you seen him? Do you see him in the parking lot? Did you? Like, have you, have you seen him? And they're like, no, I haven't. And I'm like, okay, that's all right. And. And like all of the noise going on in my mind, I'm still scanning every single face. I kept reminding myself, I kept reminding myself, I've got this, I've got this, I've got this. He's here, he's here, he's here. Because as much as my mind wants to go to the worst case scenario and wants to paint the freaking visual, my mind is not a fortune teller. It is not going to predict the future. It doesn't know things for a fact. And it does not serve me in that moment to believe he's long gone on an airplane, like, it's been three minutes. He's here. I've got this. I can find him. And keeping that self talk, I still felt scared, right? Because all those other thoughts are still going on in the background. I still felt scared. I still felt that fear. And I held on tight to who I am as his mother. I'm gonna find him. No matter what. You better believe I'm gonna freaking find him. So holding onto that truth of like, I've got this, I can find him. He is here. It helped me to not go to this place of, of so much anxiety and panic. And it may or may not work for you if you ever try it. I just wanna share this story because it happened and it's real for me. And this is where mindset, work and identity is coming in so strong in my life and in this one moment. And now it's been about four minutes. And finally I move over where it was more shallow. I asked the girls if they've seen him. And I'm again scanning every single face. And now I'm doing it over at the more shallow water and I'm like looking, looking, looking, looking. And we've been to this beach about four times at this point. So I'm like looking at every single face. The birthday parties, the dogs that are there, the chickens that are walking around, the seal that is laying in the water. Like, everybody, I'm looking at everybody. And I finally saw Liam's hair. Like, I. I glanced over where there was like eight kids sitting around in this, like, circle together. And he wasn't even a position where I could really see him because he was between two other kids, more on the side. And I saw his hair and I'm like, that's Liam. That's his hair. And just think about that, like, how, how many times you've observed your kids and how well you know their hair. It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. And that is not something that everybody would know, right? I told those three girls Marcus is looking to. Marcus knows his hair color, right? He's just, he's helping me cover the whole area and figuring out where he is. And. And I just want you to realize, like, how special it is that you as a mother, you're so equipped, you're so prepared, you've studied every feature on your child that you know the exact tone and texture of their hair. And maybe it goes into our mental load. The mental load of motherhood. And gosh freaking dang it, it serves us. Yes, there's a mental load. Yes, there's a lot to think about. Yes, there are. There are kids that are counting on us, and. And we are equipped and we are prepared, and we are able to show up and do this. And I saw his hair, and I turned to those three girls, and I said, can you please stay at this wagon so I can walk over there? I just. I see Liam. I'm gonna walk over there. And I'm walking over there. And at this point, I've got about, like, 50 yards, like, half a football field to get to Liam. And, oh, man, that fear all of a sudden became masked with anger. I felt so. Just intense. Like, I just. I just felt so intense. Like, my adrenaline's going right. I've been working so hard to just hang on to that thought of, like, I've got this. He's here. I can find him, like, holding onto those thoughts, scanning every single face. We're hauling out his name. It's been four minutes now, maybe even five, and finally find him. And. And all of a sudden, I'm just, like, feeling so mad. I'm feeling so freaking mad. And I'm walking over there. I've got 50 yards, and I see him. My eyes are locked in on him. And initially, I started walking really fast towards him, and then I realized, like, this isn't how I want to come up to him. And I'm watching what he's doing. He's literally sitting with friends, doing the thing that he's been doing since he was six months old, Making friends and laughing with people and watching people and looking them in the eyes and adoring people and experiences and putting himself out there like, he's being Liam through and through being Liam. And here I am marching in there like a freaking storm. And I take, like, 10 steps really fast, and then I pause. I slow way down, way, way, way down. Because I knew that if I raced over there to Liam, I would not be ready to handle it in a way that I felt proud of. So I slowed way down. I slowed my breathing down. I changed all the thoughts in my head. He is here. He is here. I do have this. I found him. He's safe. He's being Liam. He's made friends. He's making eye contact. Everyone feels so warm and welcome around him. It's just who he is. I want him to stay with me. That's what I want. I want him to stay with Me, I want him to let me know where he's going. I want him to be safe. I want to know where he is. Like, that's what I want. What I don't want is to yell at him. I don't want him to feel afraid the way that I just felt afraid because of my own anger that would be projected onto him. Like, this is what I mean when I say we heal the hurt so we no longer project it. And you're projecting it in anger. You're projecting it and lashing out and shutting down, ignoring and silent treatments and punishment and discipline and. And all these things that you don't even feel proud of, you don't even want to be doing. I don't want to do it. Maybe. Maybe you do feel proud of it. Maybe you do want to do it, you know. Sure, I don't. And I know that there's some women in this community that don't want to either. And that's what I'm all about. That's what I just. I can think of times as a kid where I just. I didn't even know why my mom felt so freaking mad. And she's just yelling at me and going off, and I'm just like, okay, I didn't think I did anything wrong. And I can just see that whole thing playing out right now with Liam. Like, he doesn't get it. And I get it because I also have the fears going on and the things that I've learned and the influences that I've had in my life. And he doesn't know those things because he's so freaking innocent. He's so innocent. And I think it's worth it to protect our kids innocence. I really do. So I slow way down, I take small steps to Liam. Marcus is at the wagon. And I see Marcus's face and. And you know, I could tell he felt a little bit mad too. And I look at him and I. And I. And I just point over to Liam, give him a thumbs up, like, I've got this, you know, you stay there with the kids. And I'm so grateful that I found him first. I love Marcus. I trust Marcus. He's a wonderful father. And I know that there's a very specific way I wanted to handle this. Very specific way I wanted to handle this. Very specific things I wanted to say to Liam. The way I wanted to connect with him. I wanted to get on his level, hold his hands, look him in the eyes and. And let him know that I felt so scared that didn't Know where he was, and he means so much to me, and I feel so good when I know where he's at. And if there's ever a time that he wants to go play, it's very important to tell me first, because I just spent five minutes looking for him, and I didn't know where he was, and that felt scary. And that's how I wanted to handle it. And I had it all played out in my head, all because I walked 50 yards, slowed down after my first 10 steps, realized who my child is and who they're being and the way they're just innocent in this moment, checked myself, and created the new vision. Because you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to walk right up to him, grab him by the wrist, and yell at him, because that's what was done to me. It's not because I'm this terrible mother. It's because I feel afraid. I feel afraid. And I just wanted to be safe. And for the last five minutes, I had these horror stories running through my mind that nobody else knew about. It was just me facing it, trying to find my child, and. And I finally find him, and I'm just like, are you freaking kidding me? Why'd you walk away from the wagon? You know, not to do that. Come on. Like, it would have been so easy to say that and to do that, and I didn't. And I feel so proud of myself that I didn't do that. It's worth it, my friend. It is worth it to do this work. It is worth it to check what your mind is telling you. And, yes, you have these feelings, and you're intentionally deciding what you're gonna do about them, and you have one story going on in your mind, and you check that story, and you're like, you know what? I've got this. I will find him. I can find him. He is here. And you change the narrative in your mind so that you remain in a place of empowerment because you know who you are, and that's why we do this work. Because it would not be the same if I walked up to Liam, grabbed him by the wrist, yanked him away from his friends, and said, you know, not to do this. I told you to stay by the wagon, stay in the grass. And you just walked away, completely disobeyed me. You're grounded. I'm taking everything away. We're not coming back to the beach. I can't trust you saying all these hurtful things that are blown out of proportion. Right? Liam doesn't understand. And then what's he gonna start doing? He's gonna start crying. He's gonna start crying, and he's gonna. He's gonna feel really badly about himself because what did he do? He went to go make friends. He went to go play. He went to go be a kid. And yes, I know it's important for our kids to listen to us. I know that it's important for them to stay with us and let us know where they're going. I also know that our kids learn best when we talk with them, not at them. At least. At least in my experience. And being on both sides of this, being the kid that's been yanked by the arm and, you know, yelled at and shamed and judged and being the mother, that's done in a different way. I've seen both sides. And I'm just saying, from personal experience, I think this way works best. And then I'm not left with mom guilt. I feel really freaking proud of myself. Yes, I feel proud of myself. Even even though my child walked away from me and didn't do the thing that I asked him to do, didn't do the thing that I think he knows to do, which is stay with us, he did the thing that he wanted to do. And we're still learning. I'm still teaching. He's still learning. And he's willing to learn so long as I'm willing to teach. Let me say that again. He's willing to learn so long as I'm willing to teach. He's not even five. We still have a whole lot more teaching and a whole lot more learning to go. Right. How old are your kids? They're willing to learn so long as you're willing to teach. Are you staying open and willing to teach? And you can teach in a way that you feel so proud of and in alignment with you. And sometimes it takes slowing down. You take 10 rush steps and you say, no, no, he's safe. He's right there. I've got time. I've got time to slow down, to walk over there, to think about how I really want to handle this. What can I do that I'd feel really proud of? And you can do this, too. And I'm telling you, people. People have told me very frequently, you know, easier said than done. Easier said than done. They'll comment it on my Instagram reels. They'll message it to me like, all this sounds nice, but it's easier said than done, first of all, but is like the number one word of a victim mentality of why you can't do it. So that's why I coach you through the victim mentality and my 12 week course, mind body alignment and my third free three day workshop, overcoming the victim mentality. So we talk about it a lot because it's important. And when it comes to easier said than done, you're right, you're right. It is easier said than done. And you're right, it can feel really hard to do in the moment. Which is exactly why we prepare outside of the moment. You don't just sign up for a marathon and run it three months later without any training. Like, we're going to have to practice, we're going to have to condition ourselves, we're going to have to train for that race. And it's the same thing with parenting, with the hard moments in parenting. How do we expect ourselves to handle the hard moments any differently, any better? In a way that we feel proud of if we're not training for it, if we're not practicing and conditioning our mind the same way that we would condition our body to run a race or do a workout or pick up our kids or go through childbirth. Right. We need to do it with our mind just as much as we do it with our body, if not more. Because the body achieves what the mind believes. So it starts in the mind. And that's why we journal. That's why we do this self discovery work. That's why we put pen to paper and we show up together here on the podcast. Like, that's why we keep talking about it. Because it's not one and done. It's not me telling you this. One affirmation. You're like, okay, I'm gonna use that the next time there's a hard moment. Sure, yeah, do that and practice it 15 times before that, 15 times before that, 20 times before that, 100 times before that. Keep practicing it. Put a new vision in your head. Walk slower and decide exactly how you want to handle that. Because I walked up to Liam and I did exactly what I wanted to do. I grabbed his hands, I got down to his level and I let him know how scared I felt and why it's so important to stay next to me. It's so important to let me know if you want to come play with friends. And I let him speak for himself too. Buddy, what did I ask you to do? Stay in the grass. And what did you do? Ran over to the water with my friends. I just really wanted to. I know. You really wanted to. I know. And it's okay to Tell me what you want to do so that we can decide if that will work right now. And then I get to know where you are. So next time you really want to do something, come ask me first. I might say yes. I might say yes. You can have five more minutes with friends, and you don't know if I'm going to say yes or not unless you ask me. So please come ask me. Anytime you want to do something, anytime you want something, just ask me. And I think that's a mentality a thousand percent worth instilling in our kids, because the worst thing someone can say to you is no, so you might as well ask. And I learned that at one of my first jobs, and I loved it. And anyway, I walked up slim, we had a good talk. And it wasn't, you know, either one of us ending in tears or yelling at each other or running away saying hurtful things. It was, we're going to walk hand in hand back to the wagon. I'm so grateful that you're safe. I know that we're both going to learn from this. And you're going to tell me where you want to go next time before you run over there. Okay, Mama? All right, buddy. I love you. I love you, too. Let's go back to the wagon and having that good talk with him. My husband can keep on breathing. You know, he can. He can get there, too. And we're all in an understanding that we're not angry with Liam. We felt afraid because we didn't know where he was. The anger is the secondary emotion. The fear. The fear was there first. So let's acknowledge that. And as you're thinking about this, maybe there's. Maybe there's a time that you want to apply it to in your life or, you know, just keep this mind. Keep this perspective, this story in your mind, on your heart, so that you can understand that you really can be proud of the way that you handle your circumstances that you're in, especially when you wouldn't choose those circumstances for yourself. What the frick? I wouldn't choose for my kids to run away with me from me and, like, not be able to find them for five minutes. It feels terrifying. I wouldn't choose that. It's just what I find myself in. And I didn't tell them to do it right. They're their own people. They're their own people, and they're willing to learn so long as I'm willing to teach. And I think that this is an incredible example of. Yes. I feel so afraid and then here comes anger to guard that. And then here comes me, the intentional conscious being, saying, no, I know how I'm going to handle this. Thank you, anger. I see you, fear. I totally get it. We felt that. Liam's right here. He's safe. So let's go get him. Let's bring him back. And you can do that too. So I'm reminding you, I've got enrollment opening for my summer course, Mind Body Alignment. This is the last one that I'm running this year and it opens on June 5th. And inside of that, I have two three day overcoming the Victim Mentality workshops leading up to the enrollment of the course. So you can join me in a free workshop and we can overcome the victim mentality. I can teach you all about it. I can help you through identity, mindset skills and tools to help you stay in an empowered mind. We can do that together. It's completely free. Completely free. And it's for three days. I've got PDF material for you. You're going to freaking love it. And if you already know, I need mind body alignment. I need it. This might be the very first time that you ever decide to invest in yourself and I'm telling you, it will blow you away. Your transformation in 12 weeks. It's remarkable what we can do together. When you get yourself and in the right group of women, think about the group of women you've been around. Is it projecting who you want to be and where you want to go? Or is it full of complaining and justifying and blaming and name calling and shame and people pleasing lack of boundaries? Like we get to rise up and decide who we're going to be, what we're going to do and then go learn the skills and tools that we need to do that and to be that version of ourselves. And you can do it too. So June 5th, that's my last enrollment of 2023 and I'm telling you, my friend, we will move mountains together. You'll be so proud of the way that you start showing up for your family when you get your identity and your mindset into alignment and you heal the shame and you step into these incredible skills and tools and you use them. You'll. It's amazing. It's just amazing. And that's exactly what I've been doing in my life over the past five years. And I'm excited to bring you in on this journey so we can start doing it together too. So I'll be sharing more details about that. Make sure you're on the email list so you don't miss a beat. And we've got the free three day workshop coming up for you that you can enroll in no matter the circumstances that you're in right now. If you're like, Tess, I'm not ready to invest in myself. Girlfriend, this is free. Just invest your time, invest your attention into it. And when you're ready and you want to go all in the 12 week course, remember that the return on that investment is what it looks like in your family. Who you're being, what you're teaching, the tone that you're setting, the energy that you're sharing, and all the skills and tools that I teach you, you're gonna go teach your kids and I teach my kids these same skills and tools. It's amazing. So I'm excited to teach this to you. I'll either see you in the three day workshop and mind body alignment or one and I I'm so excited to keep working together. I'm so excited. So let's keep on rocking it in motherhood, being the mothers that we wanna be, changing the narrative to be so enriched and empowered. And I'll see you next week. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.