55. You're Going To Struggle So You Might As Well Decide What is Worth Struggling For

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. The struggle is really important. Welcome, welcome. That's what we're talking about today is how you're going to. To struggle. You are already experiencing these challenges and these hardships and these struggles in your life, like you already are. We are all going to struggle. And although, like, yes, the struggle is real. Let's finish that sentence. Really important. The struggle is really important. And when you choose to have a mindset that. That is attached this idea and this belief and this passion and this purpose of around struggle, you become again, like this creator of your own life. And you're choosing very intentionally to even create areas that you're willing to struggle in. You're willing to create your struggles because, you know, hey, yeah, we're all going to experience struggle. So I might as well sign myself up for some areas that I want to struggle in, because the struggle means that we're working. We're working really freaking hard. Really freaking hard. Especially in motherhood and health. I mean, gosh, if you want to get stronger, you're going to have to pick up some weights, right? You're going to have to do some more, some more reps, run a little bit further, try to go there a little bit faster, like, push and challenge your body in these ways. And that is going to feel like a struggle. If you want that morning routine, it's going to feel like a struggle to get out of bed. If you want to be the mother that you want to be, it's going to feel like a freaking struggle to get there. If you want to have the marriage that you want to have, it's going to feel like a freaking struggle to get there. Like, we can all. I believe most of us can accept this idea that we're all experiencing struggle. We're all experiencing struggle. So why not intentionally create areas in our life and intentionally create struggle that gets us closer to who we want to be, that gets us closer to having what we want to have and doing what we want to do and experiencing what we want to experience? Because I really, I truly believe I was doing my workout and I added five pound plates onto the bar on top of the other weight, and that was like the little bit of, you know, increase in weight, whatever. I don't know the terminology of it. That was a little bit more that I was going to add on was 5 pound weight. So 5 pound weights on each side is 10 pounds. It's a 10 pound difference. And it felt so freaking hard. Like, it felt so much harder having those stinking five pound plates on there. And I felt myself struggling. I felt myself struggling as I went to the bottom of that squat and pushing and driving through my heels and getting that exhale so I can engage my core and really focusing on my form because I didn't want my back to hurt, like, and I don't want my knees to collapse inwards, right? Like, I'm so focused on exactly how I'm working through this struggle. And you know what? I'm the one that signed myself up for it. I'm the one that showed up to my workout room. I'm the one that got the bar on the rack, that put the 25s on and then put some fives on. I'm the one that put the workout on the board. I'm the one that decided that I was going to do three sets of 10 reps. I did this. I signed up for the struggle. Why? Why? Why would we choose to create something to struggle at? Why would we choose to create something that feels really freaking hard? Because it matters to us. It feels important to us. We have a deeper reason and why behind it. We're so attached to this idea of how doing this thing and struggling in this way will get me closer to being who I want to be, and then it's worth it. So when you understand that you're going to struggle and it could be financially, it could be in your marriage, it could be in motherhood, it could be in your health, it could be in your spirituality. I mean, it could be in so many things in your mindset work, right? We're going to experience struggle and we understand that and we choose. I'm going to sign myself up. Instead of life just telling me where I'm going to struggle, I'm going to decide for myself where I'm willing to struggle, where am I willing to go through this? Because I have a why and I have a reason. I have a purpose that matters so much more than the discomfort that I experience momentarily. It's not forever discomfort. We get stronger, we get better, we get faster, we get smarter, right? We adapt and we learn so dang quickly. And we really don't give ourselves enough credit for how fast we we adapt and how Quickly we learn and how fast we really can change. We don't give ourselves near enough credit. We make it sound like it's this 15 year, ongoing process. And yes, the work is never done. It's just, you're going to make so much progress in that work. And when I share mindset work, one of the common things that I hear is, you know, easier said than done. And I get that because there's struggle and we're all experiencing struggle. It's not just the person that's just now barely trying to change their mindset that's experiencing struggle, but the frick. I took my kids to pediatrician today, and I wanted to cry in the office when all three of them were screaming in the room while we were waiting for the doctor. Like, I get it. I experienced it, too. Here I am, raising my hand. It's me. Hi. And I know that it's worth the struggle. I know that it's worth the difficulty. It's worth the hardship. And honestly, when I hear, oh, easier said than done, to me that just means like, well, what's your why? If I have a big enough why, then I will always think it's worth doing that thing. It's worth taking the deep breath. It's worth journaling every day. It's worth that little bit of reading, listening to a podcast, going to bed early, waking up early, doing the workout that feels hard, or loading all three kids up so we can go on our daily walk. Like, I think it's so worth it. Even though it's easier to say, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna take the kids on a walk. Of course it's easier, say, than actually do. Of course. And if you are someone that maybe it's still like, hung up on that mentality of easier said than done, or you've heard other people say this to you and you'd like just one more little mindset, shift one more little perspective in there to help you through it. Think about it this way. When we show up to do a workout, let's say you. You sign up to run a race. And just by the way, friends, I signed up to run my very first race this fall. And, oh, gosh, I read my first two miles in like a year. I ran two miles and I felt so wildly sore. For goodness. It was like three days. Three days on my it band felt like it was about to snap. My hips felt like they were just immobile now. They were, like, not wanting to cooperate, but quads are super sore. I was like, okay, how Long is this race again. And I think the race is like eight or nine miles. It's like a trail race through Mamalay Mountains right here in southern Utah. So anyways, I signed up to do that race, right? So let's use this as, as an example. It is really easy for me to say, I'm going to run that race this fall. I'm gonna run the race in the fall. I'm gonna run the race in the fall. That's so easy to say. Is it gonna be harder to run the race and say it? Well, yeah, duh. That's why I'm gonna train for it. That's why I'm gonna start with two miles. I know I can do that. I'm gonna start with two miles and I'm gonna slowly increase it. I'm gonna start running some trails. I'm gonna start doing hard things on purposes, purpose, very intentionally. I'm going to sign myself up for the struggle bus intentionally so that I can have an easier time when I'm running the race. Yes, it will feel difficult at times, sure. However, I will have conditioned my body for that. I will have conditioned my mind for that. That it's going to be a whole lot freaking easier than if I hadn't trained at all. Now apply that to your workouts. Right. We know that it's a lot easier to say you're going to work out than to actually do it. It's easy to say you're going to do. Do curls with 20 pound dumbbells than actually do it. And that's why we start with five pound dumbbells. That's why we start somewhere. We start conditioning our body to be stronger because a conditioned body has an easier time in the exercise. A conditioned body, it just, it moves more efficiently. Think about it that way. Don't even think about ease. Think about efficiency. Your body knows how to do it. Has the muscle fibers there to support you. You're conditioned. You know how to breathe. And your body's showing up to do this task that you have trained it to do. Now think about the mental efficiency that's going on when it comes to mindset work. Of course, it's easier said than done. It's easy to say that you're going to pause and you're going to consider the other perspectives in that difficult moment when all three kids are screaming in the pediatrician's office while you're waiting for that pediatrician to come in. It's easy to say, you know, I'm going to be on it. I'M going to be on in that hard moment. It's harder to do it unless you prepare, unless you train for it. So, yes, guess what? We're all gonna experience struggle. We really are. So we can choose. Are we going to intentionally create struggle in our life where we want to see growth and we feel like it matters to us? And are we going to intentionally prepare for hardship and prepare for struggle in the sense of having a very efficient mind that's not worried about what other freaking people are thinking in that moment? It's just locked in and focused on your kids and their perspective. You train your mind to do that, and the hard moments get a whole lot easier with your mindset. Just like with exercise, you're not worried about how fast someone else is running the race. You're worried about getting your training in. You're worried about showing up. You're worried about wearing the right shoes. You're worried about, like, supporting yourself through the race and training your body, training your mind. It's the same thing. The hardship, the exercise is going to be so much easier for you because. Because you have conditioned your body and your mind to be efficient, to be efficient, to not waste energy with bad form in your running, and to not waste energy with poor perspectives in your mind. And I think that's a really valuable perspective for us to hold onto. When people say, oh, it's easier said than done. Well, yeah. Do you have a clear why and what it matters to you? Because it looks like, I mean, you're obviously experiencing struggle over there anyway. Are you signing yourself up for spending specific areas that you'd like to struggle? So here's. Here's what I want us to think about. Struggle is really important. It's really important. We're all going through it anyway. So are you creating areas in your life that you are just willing and you have such a strong why of creating struggle there intentionally instead of just living in default and living in reactivity and, like, you're just the victim of life. You're the victim of your kids. You're showing up and you're intentionally creating areas that you're willing to struggle. Like going on that walk every day. That might be intentionally creating a struggle. And it matters to you because, you know, hey, if I get on this walk every day, my kids are gonna learn this is just normal. This is what we do. They can learn what they love, what they don't love, and we can all adapt. It's gonna feel like a struggle sometimes. That's okay. It matters enough to me. So when we're choosing to create that struggle in our life, and it's so important because we're proving what can be done. Tell me one amazing thing, like, one amazing thing that someone has done in life that they didn't struggle to get there. They didn't struggle to make it happen. I honestly. I mean, truly, I'm drawing a blank. I'm drawing a blank. I feel like every beautiful, inspirational, just incredible thing that a human has done has had struggle involved. Being that mother that you're just like, wow, I really look up to you. It's a struggle to get there. It's a struggle to create that conditioning and to hold that space and to develop this new capacity within yourself and know how to emotionally regulate yourself and your kids and teach these things, like, that has a lot of struggle in it, like inventing the airplane and cars. Like, struggle after struggle. They crash freaking cars and they crash airplanes. They see. I mean, what did they. What did the Wright brothers say that they found, like, a thousand different ways that it won't work before they found the one way that it would. That sounds like struggle to me. And learning to garden, like, something so simple. I'm looking at my garden out the window. Like, there's so much struggle involved in that. I mean, gosh dang, my dog dug it up, like, eight times. And I can tell you the amount of times that they stuck, stood in the garden and ate every single tomato. And when the bugs got in there and when my tomatoes got some type of disease, which is, like, what? You know, like, gosh, there's just. There's struggle in all of the things that you want to do. So you might as well just intentionally create struggle in your life and figure out, what is it that I'm willing to struggle for. And when you know that you're struggling, you're also able to track progress. So, one, you're able to prove it can be done. Two, you're able to track progress. Is this getting any easier? Sure. It still feels like a struggle. When I go to the squat rack and I try to do some squats, is it getting easier? Can I track this progress? Yes, I can. Another thing that you're doing is you're creating fulfillment. If you don't struggle for something, if you don't know what it's like to be out of alignment, it's not going to feel very fulfilling. When you're in alignment, when you're doing things exactly the way that you want to do them because you don't understand fully what. What it feels like to be out of alignment and to experience that wide range on the opposite end of the spectrum. So let's think about yelling at your kids. You know how painful it is to yell at your kids and to sit there with that guilt afterwards where you're just like, gosh dang it, why did I freaking do that? You know what that feels like? So it becomes very fulfilling to see yourself progress out of yelling at your kids, where now it's just this, like, this non negotiable. You're like, absolutely not. Like, that's just not who I am. That's not what I do, and I'm not gonna do that. And you've seen this change in yourself becomes extremely fulfilling. And you notice, like, your kids are doing the things that you're teaching yourself how to do. You're also teaching them how to do it. And that is super fulfilling. Like, I'm sitting in my workout room and I'm trying to freaking get better at chin ups. And gosh almighty, I feel like I've been trying for years, and my kids are watching me, and now they want to try. And that just feels so fulfilling. Like, yeah, yes, yes. Struggle through it. Understand that you're not gonna be very good at this the first time, that it's gonna hurt and it's gonna feel difficult, and you can get better. So as we're tracking progress, we're also having so much fulfillment for ourselves and what we're teaching our kids, what we're modeling to our spouse. And then, gosh, this is one of my favorite things, is when I notice Marcus say something or do something with the boys that I have said or I have done. And I know he learned it from me. That feels so fulfilling. Like, it's not just you. There's, like a purpose so much bigger than you. And there's a calling so much bigger than you, and there's a mission so much bigger than you that you're changing. Like, you're. If you change one life like you're changing the world, you change your life and you're changing the world. And it all starts within our home. And I think that's so powerful to think about. And another thing that's really important in the struggle is being who you want to be. And I briefly mentioned that with being able to track the progress and Right. Creating that fulfillment, getting closer to being who you want to be, you're going to struggle to get there. You can tell me all day long, Tessa, I want to be patient. And I can say, okay, let's create an I am statement. I am patient, right? So we can get that narrative on the right track with your identity. And it's still going to feel like a struggle to get there because you have so much conditioning programming you to. To be impatient. Now. We need to create new conditioning and new programming and new experiences that prove to you that you really are patient. And that's going to take work, that's going to take struggle. And you get to decide, does it matter enough to me? And just like I mentioned, with creating that fulfillment and being who you want to be, you're going to inspire others. You're going to inspire kids to do the workout. You're going to inspire your spouse to try that parenting technique that you've been modeling. You're going to inspire your girlfriend to start a business like you have. You're going to inspire your parents to try talking to each other a certain way in their marriage or to, like, rekindle the spark, right? Or to go on a trip for themselves like you. You're going to inspire so many people. And again, it's like it's something so much bigger than you. And I've got to tell you, I feel so grateful that the work that I do is so much bigger than me. So much bigger than me. And it's so humbling to know that these aren't things that. I mean, these are all things that I've learned myself through life. And I feel like life is such a wonderful, brutal teacher that it's special. It's special. I. And I feel really grateful for that. And I feel really grateful that I get to share with you in a way that every little thing that I learn, I have a space and a community of women that are interested in hearing it, hearing what I learned and the way that I'm perceiving things. And it's such a gift to have you here. It's such a gift to have you here. And you make a difference, and I really value you. So thank you for being here. And finally, I wanna give you a little journaling prompt about this whole idea of. This whole idea of struggle. Because we're gonna struggle anyway, right? So we might as well decide intentionally what we're willing to struggle for, what areas of our life we're willing to struggle in and how exactly we can create that struggle. Like choosing to exercise, right? Choosing to breathe instead of yell, choosing the daily walk, choosing to flirt with your spouse, choosing to initiate intimacy. There's nothing wrong with something feeling hard, okay? And I just want us to Step away from the narrative that says that it should all be easy. And if it's not easy, then you must be doing it wrong. Maybe not maybe. If it feels really easy, then you're operating completely off of conditioning and seeking out that ease is actually really damaging you and your family and your future and future generations. And that sounds really scary. So get out your journal. I've got a journaling prompt for you, and I just want you to write at the top of your paper. What goal do I believe is worth struggling for in blank? I would like for you to start with motherhood. So what goal do I believe is worth struggling for in motherhood? And you can answer that. And I want you to go in depth. Really give yourself the opportunity to expand on that and feel inspired and create that area of fulfillment like I was talking about. And what would you love to track progress in and prove what can be done and inspire others in and, you know, who do you really want to be that you're willing to struggle every single step of the way to get there? I know who I want to be, and I'm still working every day to become her as a mother, as a wife, as a business owner, as a woman in general. And I am willing to struggle every single single step of the way to get there because it matters that much to me. I understand the bigger. The bigger purpose of it all and the impact I could make if I just get there and in that journey right. To me, it's not about the goal of getting there, it's about the journey itself. Like, I love the journey. I'm okay with walking. I've learned that, too. We don't have to run to get there. We don't have to run and wear ourselves down, overwhelm ourselves and burn ourselves out. I can just walk there. I can enjoy every step of the way. I can take breaks with my kids. I can go on trips with my family. I can decide. I'm not creating any new courses right now. I'm not, you know, I'm taking a break from the podcast. Like, I can walk and I can love walking. And I do love walking, trust me. So that's the question. What goal do I believe is worth struggling for in motherhood? What's your goal, my friend? What is your goal? Is your goal to sit down and spend 10 minutes of one on one time with your kids each day? Is your goal to stop yelling? Is your goal to model what it looks like to emotionally regulate yourself before engaging in conversation? Is your goal to create a bedtime routine that you feel excited to do with your kids, Is your goal to have a morning routine that you feel just sets you up for success in motherhood? What is your goal that you feel is worth struggling for in motherhood? Because all of those things that I mentioned, I mean, I feel like the struggle in all of those is pretty obvious. It's there, it's there, it's just struggle's a really important thing, it's a really good thing and you're gonna struggle anyway. So you might as well get really intentional and understand the purpose in which, why you're choosing to struggle instead of take the easy road. And I mean, gosh, we could do a whole friggin episode on easy. And is it really easier? Like when people say, well, it's just easier to yell? No, it's not. No, it's really not. It's truly, in my opinion, it is easier to pause and breathe and say nothing at all than it is to yell. Because at least when you pause and breathe and say nothing at all, you don't have anything to apologize for. You're not creating more mom guilt. You're not creating distance and disconnection and modeling a behavior that you don't wanna see in your kids. And look, oh, now they're yelling and now we have more mom guilt. Like you're not doing any of that. It is so much harder to yell and experience all the natural consequences that come with that than it is to pause and breathe and not say anything at all. And that's just a mindset. So when people are like, oh, there's so much more to it than just mindset. Like yelling's harder than just mindset. Honestly, if you create a belief strong enough, like you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it when you know why clear enough, and you have this belief inside of you that is just this burning fire, you're gonna do it. And even when other people say, you know, it's okay if you yell, you're like, absolutely not for me. And you can live your life that way. And it's your belief and it's because you have attached a why and a purpose and a mission that is bigger than you. And you've evaluated the consequences of that and what it looks like long term. And you've evaluated so much more than just the moment of yelling and the quick release that it gives you that quick hit, right? So that's a whole, whole other thing that we can talk about with what's actually easier. And when you get your mind we need to do an episode on that, honestly. Because if I can help, you have a mindset that says, oh, wow, these things that I've been telling myself that are harder to do are actually easier to do. Your mind loves to do. It's easy. So if we can instill the belief that this thing that you want to do, that goal of not yelling is actually easier than yelling, it will be easier to not yell because the belief says one is easier than the other. Right now you just have them flipped. And I can help you, I can help you recondition that. It's conditioning. So now that you have been focusing on what your goal is in motherhood that you believe is worth struggling for, look at it in your marriage. What goal do I believe is worth struggling for in my marriage, in my health, in my finances, in my faith, and really just evaluate all of that in my personal development. Right, evaluate all of that. And as you answer that question in your journal, you're gonna get really clear on what your next steps look like. And I'm really excited for you to be able to uncover that. And I hope that through this episode you feel inspired and lit up and on fire to continue working on yourself and creating intentional areas in your life that you're just willing to struggle in and you're willing to struggle through because you know that you're tracking progress and you're creating fulfillment and your proven can be done and you're inspiring others and you're being who you want to be. And we're all going to struggle anyway, so we might as well feel like, yes, I'm intentionally struggling through this workout because I want to get stronger because I want to be able to hold my kids and I want to be able to keep up with them and I want to be the 85 year old great grandma that's still running with the kids. Going down the slip and slide, jumping on the trampoline. Sign me up. That's what I want. Gosh dang. If I'm lucky enough to live till I'm 85, oh, what a life. What a life. Right, my friends, so we're going to wrap up the episode here. I'm going to remind you that I have my free, very, very free, very, very powerful three day mastering your mindset workshop, you can come join me. I'm gonna release the link for you, so make sure you're on my email list so that you get that link sent to to you. And right there in the show notes below you can get on the email list and I'LL get the link to you for the free three day workshop. I've got the PDF material that you can download and print to work alongside me. It's all live and yes, available for replay. And another exciting announcement is the enrollment for my last 12 week coaching session through mind body alignment opens on June 5th. So if you are a mother, if you are a woman that is working on yourself and you're just like man, if you if I could just put these pieces in alignment and walk myself through a proven process of working through self discovery and healing work so that I can overcome these behaviors that no longer align with me. Mind Body Alignment is for you my friend. Mind Body Alignment is for you. It's finally time to find those roots. The roots are the reasons why you do what you do. Instead of trying to hack down a weed at the stem, it looks better for a second, right? And then what happens? The weed comes back with a fricking vengeance. It's like, here I am. I never actually went anywhere. So in the work that we do inside Mind Body Alignment, we are truly pulling out the root. The root cause, the root reason why you do what you do so that we can recondition, we can reprogram, we can heal those roots and you can re. You can sow in a new way, you can sow new seeds. And the law of the harvest is we reap what we sow. So what are you sewing in your mind and Mind Body line? It can teach you how to sew an identity, a mindset, new skills and tools that you love and you feel so proud of and then you get to reap that. And that's going to feel so much better. So I will see you inside of Mind body alignment. Remember, June 5th is when that opens up. This is my first group that we have a limited size as well and we are offering more than ever before, so it's going to be absolutely amazing. Make sure you're on the email list to be the first one to be notified when that opens up and I hope that you are going to be a part of this intimate group with us. I love you dearly and I'll talk to you soon. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.