58. My True Role Model As A Wife Might Inspire You, Too

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. There are just so many, many things that inspire me in motherhood, and I think today is going to help your mindset so much in motherhood. And, and I believe the best way for me to share this with you is to talk about one of my role models as a mother. And she has made a tremendous difference in my life over the past going on five years. Now Liam is about to be five. How do we even handle that? Over the past five years since I had Liam, she's been such, such a role model in my life. And I know that sometimes it's hard to think of like who we really have as role models in our lives. And right now I just want to encourage you that you can have a role model in your life that you don't know personally. Maybe it's the author of one of your favorite books or a podcast host, or a creator on social media or just someone, a neighbor, right? My gosh, my neighbor across the street is totally another mother that just inspires me. I call her like the mother of all mothers is how I adoringly refer to her. So, so I just want to encourage you here like your role model maybe isn't your mom or your mother in law or your aunt or anyone that you know personally or feel like related to or close with. And your model, your role model can be whoever you want them to be. And you really don't even have to know them personally. You don't just remember that we're always being influenced. So be very cautious of what you're taking in as your influences and protective of that headspace because it's very, very valuable. You are very valuable and you can protect that headspace. So there is this woman that I deeply admire and she has this energy that radiates off of her and you can feel her wor. Her warmth just by thinking of her. I mean, she's just, gosh, she's freaking amazing. And I have so much respect for her and I, and I just, I'm inspired by her in so many ways. And again, like, you just think of her and you feel the warmth and that's like, that's what I want in my life. I want People to think of me, I want my kids to think of me, I want my spouse think of me, I want people to think of me and feel warm. And she is so compassionate. I mean, she has. I really just like my neighbor across the street. Honestly, I'd say it's. These two women have never once complained about their husbands to me. They've never bad talked them. They've never said, oh, of course he's doing XYZ instead of doing abc like it's never been about like that at all. She's so compassionate and she's so respectful. That's another thing that she really is, this role model of mine is so respectful of her children, of her spouse, of her friends, family members. She just really sets this example of respect. And I, I love that. And it's something that I truly want to live up to as well. And she's so energetic and so light hearted and so funny. I mean, she's freaking funny. I see her joke around with her husband and they just have a blast and they look so in love. And you know, we wonder sometimes, like, is that possible? Is that real? Like, can we be that way all the time, people? We're not gonna feel that way all the time. Any close relationship is going to experience friction, right? We put two things close enough together, they're gonna experience some friction. And humans are no different in our relationships. That applies to us too. And I've just noticed that the way they handle their friction is so respectful and compassionate and just something that I really admire, really admire. Like they're willing to step out of their own little world and into somebody else's for just a few minutes. Like they know, okay, yeah. What I think and how I feel and what I want still matters. And I'm willing to consider my spouse in all of this. And I really appreciate that example that they've set to me. And I'll tell you this right now, if you're familiar with my story at all, I don't feel like I have an awesome example of like marriage. My biological dad passed away when I was six years old. And there is quite a bit of difficulty in my mom's marriage with my dad that I found out later. And then with my mom's next husband, there was tons of difficulty in there too, and they ended in a divorce. And yeah, I just think it's. It's hard sometimes to imagine what things can really be like when you've never experienced it yourself. So I believe in the hope and I believe in having faith that what you Want is possible and your belief in it matters more than someone else's belief in it. So someone else can say all day long like, this is impossible. You know, you're not going to have relationship where you're respectful. You're not going to have a relationship where you have compassion for one another and you're willing to consider the other person's perspective and help each other and prioritize service. Like, you're not going to have that. I just think whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. And, and you know, that was the fabulous Henry Ford that said that. So, so we're just gonna give him credit for that one. And I think we can. I think we can be the wives that we want to be. And we just need different role models, different influences and to hold ourselves accountable to that vision that we have for ourselves. So that's, that's just who she is. She's so heartfelt and fulfilled and you can just tell that she loves her life and she loves who she is and she feels very confident in who she is as a wife. And she's not second guess guessing or doubting or questioning her worth at all. And it's really amazing. And another thing that I've noticed about her, this role model of mine, she always takes care of herself, like, really, really well. She really prioritizes her health. She exercises very consistently. I don't know if it's like a daily thing. I just noticed that it's a high priority in her life. She looks like she loves the way she cares for herself. Like, even if her hair is this messy bun and she's got, you know, a sweatshirt and some sweats on and slippers, whatever, it's like, that was all very intentional. And it's like, I'm excited to have my hair in this bun. I'm excited to have my sweatpants on and my slippers and be cozy in my home. Like, she's just, she owns that entirely. And it's nothing that she's trying to hide by any means. And then there's also this super, like, feminine energy that she's so happy to embody. And she wears these beautiful dresses and she takes care of herself as in, like, putting on makeup that she loves. And sometimes it's more and sometimes it's less. And again, it's just this, this image of intentional. Like, I wake up and I make these intentional choices about how I'm going to do my hair and if I'm going to wear mascara or not. And if I'm going to wear these clothes or this dress or these sandals or these tennis shoes, like, it's all very, very intentional in what she chooses to wear. And I really respect that about her because nothing is coming down to the default. And it's not this victim mentality of, like, well, I didn't get enough sleep. I didn't have enough time. This person didn't let me. We don't have the budget for me to buy these things. She just. She's intentional, and she takes total ownership. And I really admire. I admire the way she presents herself in that way of confident and intentional. Even if it's not always a dress and it's not always sweatpants, it's not always workout clothes, it's not always jeans. It's like she's living her life on her own terms, and she's very proud of it. And she loves life. She's so enthusiastic, and, I mean, I think I'm a pretty freaking enthusiastic person. And she's so enthusiastic about ideas and other people's perspectives and her dreams. Like, she really believes in her abilities in her dreams. And she's presented, like, several different dreams to me and, you know, shared different things. And I love that. Like, I. I love that she doesn't limit herself. She allows herself to say, you know, I thought about that some more, and maybe not, like, I'm gonna go in this direction instead. And she just loves her dreams. She feels inspired and she's enthusiastic, and she loves life and she loves her spirit spouse. And I love watching that. It's like, you know, when you watch a romantic comedy, romantic comedies are, like, one of my top favorites. I mean, invite me over to watch a romantic comedy, I am there. I am there. And, you know when you watch a romantic comedy and you're sitting there watching it and you just, like, you giggle and you just look at the TV and you're like, wow. Like, that is just so stinking sweet that this is happening. Maybe it's only a few of us that think this way about romantic comedies. I, um. All I know is, like, that's how I think, and that's how I feel watching romantic comedy. And that's how I feel when I'm watching her. Like, she is just embodying it. And that's why I believe it's possible. Cause I have this clear vision of seeing her do it. And she's such a role model to me. This woman holds a really special place in my life because she is my son's future wife. I haven't met her yet. Maybe I have. Maybe she's my neighbor. I mean, my neighbor across the street, the one that I really admire. She has four daughters, so there's a chance, I guess, one of my sons marries one of her daughters. And the point of this episode is that I want you thinking really intentionally, see how all the details I provided about, you know, who is she and what does she wear, what's her hair like, what does she love and what do you admire about her? Your child's future spouse, their future husband, their future wife. And when I think about the future wife that I want my sons to have, I feel so inspired. And I recognize where I haven't set that example yet, especially when I think about the way I am around my husband and sometimes my short tone within, my harsh tone, and my lack of compassion and my lack of. Of willingness to put myself in his shoes for just two minutes, spend two minutes in his world to consider all that he has going on, too. And my husband often says, I am always trying to help. That's what I want to do. And sometimes I choose the wrong thing to help with and my intentions still are the same to help. And he says that, and that's because I don't always have that compassion and I don't always hold that space. And this is why I want to share with you, because I know I'm not alone in this. I know that mindset is just as much in marriage as it is in motherhood. And when we can hold this perspective in our mind of, like, the mother that really inspires you. Maybe you've never met her yet. I've never met her yet. I just think about the wife that I want my boys to have and how she treats them, them and how she cares for herself and what she's inspired about and how she is willing and able to communicate to them when she has a need, a desire, a belief, right, the way she's willing to communicate to them respectfully, and their relationship thrives in that space. And again, like, I'm not saying I believe in perfect relationships or perfect marriages. And nobody ever feels that friction that we talked about in the beginning. I just envision them experiencing friction and staying respectful, experiencing friction and learning together and experiencing the lows in life without thinking, hey, my partner is the low. My partner is not the low. This is the partner that I chose for myself. And we are experiencing a low time together. And I just hope that they'd be able to look at each other and say, thank God we have each other. Thank you. Through this low time, because we're not experiencing it alone. We have each other. And I want you to feel inspired to set the example and to prove what can be done and to take that vision that you have for your child. If it's the husband that they want, that you want your daughter to have, or the wife you want your son to have, or however you see that happening for your kids, I want you to ask yourself, am I really setting the example? Am I really modeling the behavior that I wanna see in the way that I take care of myself, in the way that I hold space for my spouse or communicate my needs, which are very val. Very valid. It's valid that you have needs and desires and wants. And the way that we communicate it is still up to us. We are still accountable to how we're communicating the needs. And I really believe. I mean, obviously, I. I feel like I need to partially think this through more before I say this. And, you know, forgive me, I may not say this in a way that lands as gracefully as I'd like it to. I just really believe that my kids, my boys, are going to seek out what feels familiar and what feels comfortable. And I think that comfort and familiarity comes from the example that I set. Not entirely. Not entirely. I think I sought out different than what I was raised with. And I remember coming into motherhood feeling like my mindset just sucked so bad because I was constantly thinking, you know, I don't have great examples, and I'm just going to screw up and I'm going to make all these. I'm going to make all these wrong decisions and choices, and we're gonna have terrible relationship because that's what I had. And I, like, caught myself one day thinking that's what I had. And it was like this part of my mind just, like, lit up. That's the best way for me to describe it. It lit up thinking that's what I had, which means I can learn from that. And then I allowed myself this place of grace. That said, I may not know everything to do. I feel very confident that I know what not to do. And knowing what not to do sounds like an awesome place to start. It became my advantage, and I consider that in a lot of areas of my life, it became my advantage. I can look at a marriage and know, like, well, that's not going to freaking work. Like, drugs, alcohol abuse, cheating on each other, like, those things aren't going to work. Like, it's. It has become an advantage in several areas of my life. In my Work in my marriage and my friendships and motherhood in, in a. A lot of areas. And I think it's awesome if you could allow yourself again, that space of grace to look at what you've been through and trust yourself that you'll learn from it, they won't just repeat it, that you are conscious and you're aware and you would catch yourself. So yes, I do believe that my kids are going to seek out familiarity and comfort based off of the example that I set with my spouse. And I want us setting an example that we feel so proud of that one day our boys may come back home and say, you know, mom, she just feels like home and she reminds me so much of you and maybe I will actually bawl my eyes out that day. Maybe I'm meant to write a romantic novel or something. Maybe, maybe that's what my mind is really good at. I just, you know, I believe my boys will crave what I model for better or worse. And I believe that she will feel like home for my boys because she reminds them of me. Maybe, I don't know, it's. It's nice to think of it that way, right? We don't know exactly what our kids future is going to look like. What I do know is that I can feel proud of the example that I set and hope that the way that I treat my spouse sets an example of what my kids deserve. And then I can, you know, release what I don't control and say, I trust you guys, you're meant to learn lessons in life. And sometimes that means that we don't love all the choices that we make. And I hope I set an example that models exactly who I love my future daughter in law to be. I hope I feel good. What I see are commonalities and the way they look at each other. Like I hope I feel good when I look at the way my kids look at their spouse. And when I think about my daughter in law, I hope I see parts of me in her, especially parts of her that I would love to see more of in me. That's the vision that I have. Like this future daughter in law inspires me every single day just, just to be a better wife. And how cool is that that motherhood really can like strengthen and enrich us as a spouse as well. And I know my kids will choose who they love and I want them to do that for themselves. I also want them to know that you know, them to know and for me to know that I showed them what love looks like and that I modeled respect and selflessness and care and devotion and faith and love. And I really think that if today, if you just spent a little bit of time asking yourself, like, who does my role model of a mother look like? What does she sound like? What does she believe? How does she care for herself? What really stands out to you in the way that she parents, right? And then think about that, like, who, who does my role model as a wife embody? What is she like? What does she believe? What does she look like? How does she care for herself? What makes her so special as a wife? What is she doing that just seems so fascinating? And you're like, wow, I would love to do that more. And you'll start to feel inspired even though you may not have ever met this person and you're just kind of like, I, I don't really have a vision of what this person looks like for like my, my kid's future spouse. I just feel really inspired by her because that's what I want so badly for my boys. I want my boys to be in a relationship that they feel respected, they feel supported, and they provide great support. I feel like my husband does a wonderful job setting example of supporting me too and how we work together. I do think that is a strength of ours. And you know, we have weaknesses to work on too, just like everybody else in the world. So, my friends, that's what you're thinking about today. I want you to sit down and think about who is your role model as a spouse, who is your role model as a mother, and any area of your life that you really want to improve in. Maybe you feel like awesome as a spouse and awesome as a mother, and it's in your friendships that you'd like to improve. Okay, so who is that role model of yours as a friend? And it's okay if you've never met this person and you, you don't have a relationship with them. It's not like, oh, this my neighbor across the street. Like, it doesn't have to be that. Remember, like, your mind is brilliant. It creates visions all the time. So just condition it to do it in a way that serves you and think about that. And then you can start to create a clear plan of how you'd like to take steps moving forward to see more of that role model in yourself. Because you are a role model. You're a role model to your kids. You are a huge influence. You influence every single person in your life. Your kids, your spouse, your friends, your in laws, your parents, your neighbors, the stranger at the grocery store. Like your. You are an influencer. We all are. And I know that we can be exactly who we want to be. We just need to bring more of those empowered and positive visions into our mind and see where we're out of alignment. Where are you out of alignment with the vision that you have? You are your. You are your child's greatest teacher, you're their biggest influence, and you are their lifelong example. So working on yourself is an incredible way to serve them because you can teach them things that don't we all just wish we learned sooner, that, you know, people don't make us mad. And you can actually just take a deep breath instead of firing off a quick snarky remark at that point, like, you can walk away. You can say, I need to think about that before I give you an answer. Like, you have so many options. And when we model that our kids get to learn it a little bit faster than we did, maybe a whole lot faster than we did. I know my kids are learning things about identity that, gosh, they're learning it 20 years before I did. So maybe for you, your kids are learning it 30 years before you or 40 years before you or 50 years before you. That part, like the time, the time difference doesn't matter. It's just that they can learn it earlier than you did. And I think that's really cool. That's really cool. So you are an incredible role model. And it's okay for you to dream up that role model as a spouse, as a wife, as a friend, as a creator, an entrepreneur, an employee, a neighbor, whatever area of your life you'd like to work on. Personally, I feel inspired when I feel most inspired. When I think about my marriage and motherhood, that's where I feel most inspired. And then it's my work, wife, mother, coach. Those are the three pillars in my life that I feel the most inspired in. So I hope this episode served you, my sweet friends. If you're watching this and enrollment to Mind Body Limit is still open, you can find the link to that in the show notes below. And you know, just get out a pen and piece of paper and focus on that vision. I promise it will serve you for a lifetime. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget, subscribe to to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you. And I'll talk to you really soon.