65. Me and God. Where We Started, Where I Went and Where We Are Today

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. In all honesty, this might be one of the most vulnerable episodes I have ever recorded, and I am pretty dang good with vulnerability. I feel like I'm really good at sharing stories and opening up and letting you know what I'm going through, how I'm feeling, the things I've been through in the past. And there is just one specific thing that I have withheld from you. And out of fear, I felt very, very fearful of it. And I just had the most incredible experience that I'll share another time. And I just immediately grabbed out my mic before going upstairs to be back with my family. And I'm like, I am. I'm doing it. I'm doing it right now. The very thing that I've told myself I can't, and it's wrong, and I feel fearful of it, and it's too vulnerable. I'm doing it. When it comes to faith. When it comes to faith, I hated God. And I might just cry recording this episode because it is just so fresh. And I feel that this is the best time to share it, so we're just gonna do it anyway. I hated God from the time I was 6 years old to the time just before having Liam, like, or right about, you know, when he was born. So I was 23 years old. So from the time I was 6 years old to 23 years old, I hated God. And that is a hot, fiery 17 years of truly feeling that hatred. And I mean, like, there's. I mean, my mom's ex husband hated him for a hot second, too. It's like that hatred, that hatred. So I really, genuinely mean that. And before. Before my dad passed away when I was 6, and that's when this hatred started towards God. I went to church. My family went to church. And I remember I had this teddy bear, this white little teddy bear. It was super cute. You pressed its paw, and it would sing a song, and I would play it every night, multiple times. I'd press it and it goes. And it would. It was like a robotic teddy bear kind of it. So it would, like, rock back and forth, and it would say, jesus loves me. This I know, for the Bible tells me so. And Something. Something here below. We are weak, but he is strong. Something like that. And I listened to it over and over and over again. Love that teddy bear. And when my dad passed away when I was six, he passed away suddenly overnight. Um, it's pretty inconclusive the way that he passed away. He came home sick from work one day and passed away that night. And then the next morning, it was like this whole extremely traumatic event of. Of that. And I remember shortly after my dad passed away, I'm not sure if it was at the funeral or it was. It was sometime in the weeks following my dad's passing, someone. And I would not even be able to tell you who. I haven't the slightest idea. I truly don't know. Someone told me that your dad. That. That God needed your dad. That's what they told me. God needed your dad. And that's why he called him back home, right to heaven. That's why he called him back home to heaven, because God needed your dad. And as a little girl, and I still, like, I remember this image perfectly. I just created this image in my head that there was this huge cord, like, you know, a cord that you plug into the wall. Like a love the plugin thing, like the three prongs. You plug it into the outlet. That kind of court that there was one of those. And he needed my dad because my dad was so strong. You know, little girl thinks her dad's strong. He needed my dad to plug that back in for him. And obviously, like, the image that I had, the story I told myself, God needed my dad. So he called him back to heaven. And after a tiny fraction of a second of having that story in my head, I felt filled with hatred towards God. I hated God. I hated that he took him. I hated that he called him away from me. It's like, how could he need him more than I need him? And, you know, I'm just gonna cry through this with you guys because this is fresh and this is honest and this is as real as it gets. And I think it's helpful for anyone that maybe says that they hate God or they don't believe in God or wherever you're at. Like, I just have felt so, so ashamed of this for so long, especially the past five years, because I stopped hating God when I was 23 years old. And now I'm 28. So it's been five years of me, like, really knowing he loves me. Like, he really loves me, and I really love him. And it just feels hard to think, like, how can someone that I hated, profoundly hated for 17 years, still say I love you and here is your baby boy. Like, you know, and then how, how do I come back and say after 17 years of hating him and, and holding the story in my mind so tight that caused so much anger and so much evictment mentality like you know, I did that. How do I come back and say, oh, I actually love him. And that's where my, my shame was. Coming up in this huge conflict and ever talking about faith in my coaching and on social media and here in the podcast is it's not because I don't have faith. I've only started the podcast within the last couple of years. I've only been on social media the past handful of years and doing this mindset work. Throughout my mindset work I have had faith and I have neglected to share that with you because I have felt so ashamed in my finding of faith because it started with so much hatred like from 6 to 23 and then it, like I came back to it on my own and I just felt like I needed to hide it. Like I need to hide this because it wouldn't make sense to anybody else and people would ask too many questions and I wouldn't know the answers because I don't read the Bible, I don't go to church. I don't, I don't know. I mean, God, this past Christmas I just learned that Jesus left Mary when he was 12 years old. And that blew me my mind. I was like, what? And that there's amazing stories in the Bible that are so inspiring and there's honestly so much in the Bible and I don't even read the Bible. I would love to, I would love to start doing that. I even bought myself a woman's one year Bible book. So, you know, Bible study book. And I like, I want to do that. And, and in these stories that I've learned about there's like so much in alignment in the Bible and the stories it in alignment with the work that I do and the things that I say. And it's like how, how did this profound shift come in my life that I went from the actual most severe victim mentality I might have ever heard and I've worked with women for five years. How did I go from that to extreme empowerment and ownership and just this inspirational fearlessness of I've freaking got this like I am meant to be this mother and I can be this mother and I am, I am gentle and I am nurturing and I am accepting and I am Understanding. And guess what? I am purposeful and productive and dynamic. And I'm full. I live a full life and I'm devoted to making a difference. And I am blessed and confident in my steady pursuit of my divine calling. How did I get there? How did I change? I. I'm going to explain that the best that I know how to. It's because I'm forgiven. I'm a child of God. I'm always going to be loved by Him. And he. He loves me proudly and he's so merciful and he's so forgiving. He's so loving. And. And I get to claim that. Like, I get to own that. And the past five years, I've just felt like I needed to hide it. And I basically think I'm doing this episode to let you know that I wanna. I wanna let you know about it. I wanna. I wanna let you know why I haven't mentioned it before. Why I thought they needed to be separate. Like this. This mindset work and my faith in God. Why it needed to be separate? Well, because I didn't have faith in God when. When I was first learning it, which is true. I found my faith in God again when I got to the other side. When I experienced that glimpse of hope after having Liam, I was like, how could there not be a God that loves me if I'm experiencing this joy right now? This child, this opportunity to be the mom I want to be no matter what my past looks like. It doesn't matter if I had a pedophile in my home. It doesn't matter if I just felt like I didn't matter in the home that I grew up in. None of that matters because I have this little baby on my chest right now that I got to grow for nine months and do the best I could with what I knew how to do. And I have this little baby that I get to keep and I get to start this brand new relationship. And the only thing he knows about me is what I show him. How could there not be a God that loves me? And. And that's just. That's where it's. That's where it came back for me. Where he's never even been mad at me for hating him, you know, and he's okay with it in my belief about it. And. And I just. I want you to know that there's a lot of cool things that I've experienced in my life. And I've found a lot of peace and a lot of grace and mercy and acceptance and just this Ability to be steady in my home. Because I. I just believe that there's a greater power. I just believe that I'm not supposed to control everything. I'm not the be all, end all. I'm not the one that's supposed to have all the freaking answers. Like, it's okay for me to just be the mother that I want to be and try really hard to be her and know that I don't have to have it all figured out because God's got me. And if God's got me, then I've got this. And I've just found so much hope in that. So I wanted to create an episode that catches you up to speed and brings you up to date on and on where I'm going and where I'm at. And if that means that I share a few stories about how I see God working in my life and what I'm leaning on him for and the experiences that I have that I. That I really believe that He's a part of, which is everything. I want to be able to share that with you. I do. And I want you to know right now that if you feel like you hate God and there's something that you feel pissed off about and you think that he's responsible for it and. And you're in a position that I felt like I was in. I just want you to know that I'm here with you. And I don't know what you want that relationship to look like with him, if you want a relationship with him. I just really feel like I am called to start confidently and, like, confidently sharing that my life is so blessed because of him. And all this mindset work is so effective because of him. And I. I just. I think that's what I'm supposed to do right now. So I'm gonna do the best I can at that for you, and I hope that it helps you in tremendous ways. And I hope that we can make an even bigger difference and impact together in this work that we're doing. Because, gosh, I just. I know. I know we can put down so many burdens that we are carrying that we are just not meant to hold and walk into our home with intent. Like, we know exactly where we're placing our feet in the rhythm of our breath, and we're so mentally clear that we just look at our kids and we make observations and we withhold judgment on purpose. And our mind is filled with good. And we see the good in our kids, the good in our life, the good in our abilities the good and our vision of what's possible. And I. I know you can do that. I know you can. I know that we're meant to. Like, we. We're meant to do that. And I. I think this is how I'm supposed to share it now. I think it's. I think I've paid my dues, friends. I have. And it's okay. It's okay for me to share that with you and. And I don't. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to. To know that God loves you and you love him and he's not mad if you hated him and he never hated you, and that you are just so worthy and so deserving of that divine forgiveness that he has. And I'm so grateful for it. And I just. I want to tell the story because I know that in owning my story is how I take back my power. And if I really want to embark on sharing this more openly, I'm going to need all of my power. So I'm owning the story. I'm letting you know that's where I was at. That's what I went through. This is where I'm at now. And in the past five years of really hiding it, thinking that I needed to hide it, thinking that I had something to be ashamed of and hating him for so long and then just deciding one day, like, oh, my God, he really loves me, like he is my God and he loves me and I love him like I love him and I'm grateful for him and I'm blessed. So I. I think that's where I'm supposed to be right now. And that's why I wanna share of why I haven't shared it in the past five years and why I'm sharing it now. And this is. This is part of growth and progression and healing. Um, and I'm excited to see what comes from this. So I hope this episode, of course, inspired you in one way, and if anything, helps you feel hopeful. Hopeful. Hopeful of the healing that's available to you and how much you really, really are loved. Really are loved. Even if you feel like you are lacking love to give and you're lacking the experience of love. You are so loved, and I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful that you're here and that we get to do this together. So I'll see you real soon, my sweet friends. And I hope to continue teaching you powerful skills and tools in a practical way that also adds in some faith. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.