7. The Worst Friend I Ever Had

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. This is a place for us to come together and not only understand who we are, but how to become exactly who we want to be while developing the right skills and tools to help us do so. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and I can't wait to get started. Hello, my beautiful friends. I am so flipping pumped for this episode for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I'm going to tell you all about the worst friendship I. I've ever had and what made it so freaking awful. And I promise you will find a lot of value in learning from my own experiences. So let's dive in. And before we talk about the awful friendship, I just want you guys to know that I have started waking up before my boys, which for the longest time, I was extremely against, probably because it sounded really freaking difficult. And Luki wasn't sleeping through the night, and then Liam was potty training and that kind of disrupted sleep, like, no freaking joke. So, you know, for a long time I pushed it off, but everyone was talking about the hype of it, and I was like, okay, fine, I guess I'll try. And I freaking love it. I love it so much. Totally recommend waiting until your kids are sleeping through the night and on a solid routine so that you're not missing out on the sleep that you need. But, yeah, prioritizing that bedtime routine and waking up before my boys has been such a game changer for me and my energy, so totally recommend doing that. Okay, let's talk about the worst friendship I've ever had. Like, seriously, by time you guys hear this story, you're gonna be like, why on earth were you friends with her? You're gonna be really questioning me, but I'm okay with that. I'm willing to share this story and have you think this way about me just so you can learn from my experiences. So, yeah, in this friendship, it was about 12 years long, and it started out amazing. Like, imagine just like the best friend you could possibly ask for. She was so, so sweet and encouraging, and we had everything in common. And, I mean, I just felt the most like myself when I was with her. Like, we just laughed and had so much fun. Only nice things to say about ourselves and each other. It was. God, it was so good. And then things probably started shifting around middle school, maybe seventh grade. And during that time, it became a lot of, like, bullying within our friendship. And, you know, she was saying mean things to me, and all of a sudden, I wasn't the cool One. And this girl over here was way better than me, and she wanted to be friends with her more than me. And everybody dressed nicer than me, and everyone was better than me, smarter than me, all of these things. Like, the boys liked these girls, not me. And it just became very apparent in that friendship that it wasn't going well. And as a seventh grader talking to my best friend, it was hard, I think, to recognize that in that moment, instead of looking at it as, wow, like, I really should not be friends with this person, I saw it as, man, what's wrong with me that she sees me this way? Like, what? Why am I so ugly? Why am I so stupid? Why am I so fat and lazy and boring? And that's how I saw myself, because she saw me this way. And from there, the friendship just got worse, because then it grew into high school, and it was basically all the same. Things just escalated. And by now you might be thinking, like, why on earth would you stay friends with this girl? Well, I've known her for so long, she's my comfort. She's at security. I mean, she's. God, she's all I know. Like, of course I'm going to stay friends with her. But hold on, let's pause for a second, and I want you to kind of check in with yourself. What are you feeling right now? And how are you thinking about things as you listen to this story of the worst friendship I've ever had and the way that I felt in that friendship and how she treated me? What's going through your mind? Do you have any relationships in your life that this resonates with you? Like, oh, my God, I have that. No. And if the answer is no, I really want to challenge it. And if you're thinking of anyone else in your life, I'm also going to challenge that, because I'm not talking about any specific person. I'm talking about myself. When I was my own biggest bully, I was all of those negative things in my mind. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't cool enough. I was lazy, I was boring, I was stupid. I was all of these things because I was constantly comparing myself to other people and tearing myself down and being my own biggest bully. It was the worst friendship I've ever had. And it made it very difficult for me to ever believe that I can be anything better, because all I ever did was see what everybody else was doing and have no belief in myself. So instead of looking at outside relationships that we have and maybe our friendships or closest relationships, whatever it is. Instead of thinking about everyone else, I want you to take a few minutes and think about you. Are you entertaining the worst friendship you've ever had within your own mind? You don't even need anybody else to do that for you. You don't even need anybody else to come in there and say, hey, you're ugly or you're fat. You're inconsistent. You're lazy. You're a procrastinator. You don't need anybody else to say that you're doing that. And if you're doing that, then you are most certainly not being your own best friend. You. You're being your own worst critic. You're being your own biggest bully. And it's absolutely, hands down, the worst friendship you've ever had, and it's right there with yourself. So when you think about things this way, I could have made up a million little details and examples of this worst friendship and made you believe that it was someone else mistreating me for so long, but it was myself. It was those 12 years that I mistreated myself, that I was my own biggest bully and own worst criticism. And I most certainly was not my own best friend. So if you're sitting there thinking, oh, crap, this is me. I am in the worst friendship I've ever had right here in my own mind. I want you to take a deep breath right now. Let's just pause for a second. Inhale for four seconds. Hold that inhale for four seconds. Exhale for four seconds. Hold the exhale for four seconds. Now take a deep breath. Okay. That little exercise is called box breathing. It's really helpful to ground yourself and realign for a second, just in case you're feeling emotionally stirred up right now, like, oh, crap, I'm being my own, you know, worst friendship right here in my own mind. Using that exercise of box breathing can help ground you, like I said, and give you some clarity in that moment. So practice that whenever you need it. But what I want you to consider right now is how has being your own biggest bully held you back in your life, in your relationships, from pursuing the things that you know would just set your heart on fire and give you so much energy every single day. I want you to just take a few moments and think about all that you are holding yourself back from when you maintain that worst friendship in your mind and when you constantly pick yourself apart and you really are being your own biggest bully instead of be your own best friend. And that's what I coach my clients how to do. Be your own best friend. But before you get to the point of saying, oh my God, I know how to be my own best friend, here we go. And it's helpful to understand just how much being your own biggest bully is holding you back. So really think about it for a few minutes. You can even pause this podcast and ask yourself, how am I holding myself back? Just through the negative self talk, through the shame, through my numbing patterns, how am I holding myself back? Think about that. And then I want you to consider, why am I doing this to myself? What experience have I faced in my life that that make me feel less than that make me feel like I don't deserve the things that I want to pursue? And maybe it came from bullying through childhood, difficult or traumatic childhood experiences, or early adulthood, things that you've done in your life that you're not necessarily proud of. I feel like I've done all of the above and I'm still standing here right now, walking in circles around my closet, like, recording this podcast for you to help you see that you can still be your own best friend. No single person on this planet is perfect or ever will be perfect. And it's not about perfection. It's about learning and growing and becoming exactly who we want to be without fear of judgment or failure. It's hugging ourselves and holding ourselves even when we do make those mistakes or we slip out of alignment. It's not about tearing ourselves down. If the whole world could tear you down, you have to be the one person that can hold you and pick yourself back up and say, you know what? That's not true. I am not inconsistent. I am not lazy. I am not a procrastinator. I am not worthless or boring. That's not who I am. You have to know who you are. But those are a couple things that you can explore. Number one, how has nurturing this worst friendship in your mind held you back from being who you want to be or experiencing what you want to experience? Creating what you want to create? How has it stopped you? And then that second part, what experiences have you been through in life that make you feel less than or maybe you're not proud of? Explore those. Really sit with it for a minute instead of hiding and running from everything like we're so comfortable doing. Explore it, welcome it. Say, oh, yeah, I did do that. And just like I talked about in episode four, the theme thing holding you back, once you know what that is, you can really move into that position of self forgiveness because you can make it make sense. If you can make it make sense. I know why I did what I did. Then you can forgive yourself. I know why I picked on myself in middle school because I was getting bullied at the same time. Are you freaking kidding me? These two boys. I still remember to this day. I cried almost every single day in that English class because two boys bullied me every day, calling me Mosquito Bites because I didn't have any boobs. I was like the most flat chested girl on the planet. And then they'd also call me Testicles as a little funny nickname. Isn't that so funny to call seventh grader Testicles and Mosquito bites? Yeah, I cried every day. Every day. So. And it really altered the way that I saw myself. And when I can make that make sense, like, oh my God, I didn't have an issue with my body until I got to middle school. And it was never a problem of me hating myself. It was a learned behavior of the way that other people saw me. And then I just started picking it up like, okay, I guess they're right. I mean, I didn't know who I was. Those aren't things that I freaking learned. Are you kidding me? Like, when did we have an identity mindset and self forgiveness and self love class? We didn't. So that's difficult. These are all things that we have to learn how to do. And gosh, that's probably why I'm so freaking addicted to coaching through it. And I just love this process so much is because I've had to teach myself how to do it. But my point is, being your own worst critic and your own biggest bully will only create more of that negativity. More of those limiting beliefs, more of the shame numbing and triggers. It's just going to create more of that. And it won't be until you make make it make sense. Oh, I know why I do what I do and explore. Why do I do this in the first place? Are there things in my life that I've done that I'm not proud of? That I really need to take back ownership over that story? Girlfriend, if you own your story, no one can use it against you. No one. You have full ownership over it, and that means you get to change it too. You own it and you can change it, and that is so empowering. But. But it wasn't until I became my own best friend that I realized just how harmful that worst mental friendship and being my own worst critic really is. It will ruin your life. You will not accomplish the things that you want to in this life if you are your own worst critic or that own biggest bully. You have to be your own best friend. So those are the two things that I want you to do. And remember, you can make it a writing exercise. Girl, you know, I freaking love journaling. Let's get out a pen and paper right now. Go ahead and get out a pen and piece of paper and remember that first one that you're going to write down is how have I held myself back? By being my own biggest bully or my own worst critic. So get out that pen, write down that question and think about it. Maybe you haven't started the Instagram account that you've been wanting to start, or the podcast or the Etsy shop where you sell the craft that you're passionate about making. Or maybe you stopped going to school and you really wanted to learn something, like think about all of the things or the relationships that you were too afraid to pursue. Or maybe a yoga retreat that you didn't go to because you were afraid of judgment or you, you know, talked yourself out of it. What has. How have you held yourself back just because of that poor relationship in your mind? That's the first question. And then the second question, it might be very difficult to process through and I respect that and so take your time while you go through it. But that second question being, what have you done in your life that you know, you're not proud of and maybe you've tried to hide from and it has more fed into own worst critic and own biggest bully than it has being your own best friend. Because you're hiding from it, you're not owning it. You're not saying, yeah, I did that, but I know why I did it and now I can get to self forgiveness. You can't get to self forgiveness if you don't own your story. So those two questions might be very insightful for you to use as a journaling exercise and kind of see what comes from that. And just remember, my coaching does not replace therapy or mental health resources like that. And if you feel that that's a great avenue for you, I have been to lots of therapy in my life and I love it and I highly encourage you to do so if you feel that's a great step. Now, if you feel that my coaching program would be a great step for you, just, just remember that I always provide the link to apply and you can get that 30 minute connection call with me just so that we can see if my coaching program's a great fit for you. Because trust me when I tell you, I know, what I do is different, and I know looking at the mental side and how it holds us back in our physical health journey is a different concept. I get that. But I just see how much it's changed my life and the lives of my clients. And that's why I'm so passionate about continuing to do it. Because it's not just a one time fix it. It's a continued practice of truly being your own best friend. And really only you know what you need at any given time or what you need to hear in any given moment. And you're the only person that can give that to yourself. So imagine how powerful you could be and unstoppable you could be if you were your own best friend. So if that is something that you're interested in. As far as my coaching program goes, there's a link in those notes below so that you could apply for that and connect with me on Instagram @tessarome. I changed my Instagram handle. Underscore. Tessa Romero. Underscore. I would love to hear how this podcast has helped you. Or, you know, even if it's just thinking differently about things, I would love to connect and have a conversation. If you're doing the journaling exercises and you like things like that, maybe we could do a whole podcast episode about journaling exercises and how I journal. So don't hesitate to reach out and connect with me. I love having conversations with you about the things that I'm clearly so, so obsessed with talking about. I kind of get all nerdy and geeky about it and it just sets my heart on fire. So anyway, I want to help you get to that point in your life where you are your own best friend. And I hope that my podcast, my coaching program, the content that I create for you is what helps you do so. So I can't wait to connect with you more. And we will talk more next week, but for now, stay mindful of that worst friendship you could ever have that might just be happening right now in your mind. So open up, explore that a little bit more and I'll talk to you next week. It is such a wonderful privilege of mine to be here with you in this space, and I hope that you find all the value out of our time together.