73. Two Steps That Help You Make Remarkable Change

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome back to the podcast. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and I'm really excited for us to be giving you a little bit of a possibly much needed pep talk and how you can start progressing in the direction that you know you want to go in. And sometimes it just feels impossible to get there. I've made so many changes in my personal routines, especially this year, over the past few months, and I want to be able to encourage you to know that you can do it, too. So a couple of the things that I've done. Number one, I've been starting my early morning routine, which has been like a whole ongoing theme, and I've actually stuck to it consistently, and I'm super proud of myself. And there's. And there's flexibility there. Right. If I feel like there's a morning that I need to sleep in or I don't work out one morning and I just decide to journal and read, like, I just have gotten really good at protecting that time in the morning for myself. And if you are someone listening to this right now and you're like, man, I really want a morning routine. I want to have that time to myself in the morning. And I think it helped me show it better in my home and for my family and in my marriage or in my. Create my creative pursuits, my work, my friendships in all areas of your life. I agree. I feel like I show up way better when I protect that morning time for myself, too. And going from waking up at the same time as your kids, like, maybe you wake up, to your youngest crying out for you, going from waking up at that time to, okay, I'm going to wake up two hours before them or an hour before them. That can feel really hard. And I know exactly what that feels like. Another huge shift that I've made for the past four weeks now is I cut out coffee, which is a whole thing in itself. And that felt really hard. That felt really hard, for sure. And I kind of. There's a step that I needed to take in order to make that happen. So those are the two things that I really want us to cover on this podcast episode that can make any change that you want to make in your routine and what you're going after in your life, much easier for you to be able to do. So the first thing that we're going to start doing together is making a decision and committing to it. Make a decision and commit to it. And what I mean by that is if I tell myself I'm going to cut out Coffee. I need to make that choice. That needs to be a decision that I make and I commit to it. If I say I'm going to do something, I need to do it. And we need to train our mindset to say what we mean and mean what we say. And this honestly applies so much in motherhood. I think we can all find an example where it. It has just shot us in the foot, right? It blew up in our face when we told our kids one thing and then we did something different. Like we told them, no, you can't have a popsicle, right? And then they ask and ask and ask and ask and ask, and then you open up a popsicle and give it to them. So, sure, we made a decision, we just didn't commit to it. And that makes it so much harder. Because what do our kids learn about our word? Well, mom doesn't mean what she says and says what she means. Mom doesn't follow through. Mom doesn't. Yeah, she'll say that, but she doesn't mean it. Like, no, no, no, no, we're not, we're not. We're not doing that, friend. My friend, we're not doing that. We are going to have power in our words, and we're going to teach our mind to only say what we mean and to only mean what we say. That way, when we say something like, I'm cutting out coffee. I'm done with it. That decision has been made. Your mind is programmed to trust what you just said. Like, oh, shoot, she freaking means it because she said it. And then you follow through. You commit to that and you remind yourself of this goal. You remind yourself of this vision and of who you are and why it is so important for you to cut out coffee. I know that I had my own reasons behind it, and a huge one for me was I've been drinking coffee for so freaking long. Like, literally started drinking coffee when I was 12 years old, which, I don't know, maybe some of you started coffee before that. I. It's been a long time, and I just want to know what do I feel like without it? And I truly just did not like this morning routine that felt like this default. Like, oh, gotta have my cup of coffee with my breakfast. Like, I have to have that. And I really didn't like that. I really didn't like that. I don't like feeling dependent on something. I don't like feeling like, oh, I need that in order for X to happen. Like, no, I want to feel really in tune with my body very much Aware of it, connected to it, and understanding how to best nurture it and nourish it. And I know that coffee was doing more harm than good for me. And it was interesting when I shared that on my social media, on my stories, I was talking about cutting out coffee. Someone had messaged me and they're like, well, why cut out coffee? Coffee in and of itself isn't bad for you. And I really appreciated that perspective because she's right. Coffee in and of itself is not bad for you. However, it's not good enough for me. And I think it's worth it for you to have this mentality of when you're going to make a decision and commit to it. You understand what is good enough for you and what's not good enough for you. Coffee's not good enough for me. Like, sleeping in in the mornings, missing my workouts, not going for walks, not drinking my water, not pushing myself, not challenging myself, and certainly not showing up as who I know I can be is not good enough for me. That's not going to cut it anymore. And I feel like this whole second half of the year, I've really just dialed into that, and I want you to be able to as well. So you make a decision and you commit to it. And if you feel like you're not going to commit to a decision, then don't make it yet. Give yourself time to think. I'm still thinking about what I want. Tell your kids, ask me again after lunch. I need some time to think about that answer. Like, it's okay for us to take time. It's okay for us to take space, and it's okay for us to think about what we really want. And that's another thing that we need to talk about with this is so often we are training our mind to think about what we don't want. I don't want them to keep asking. I don't want to wake up at the same time with my kids. Well, what do you want? You want to wake up before your kids? Okay, what time do you want to wake up before your kids? Okay, that's the time you want to wake up. What are you going to do during that time? What's the first thing you're going to do? What's the next thing you're going to do? What would you love to be able to do? Like, put that excitement and enthusiasm behind what you do want? Because the focus on what you don't want. I don't want to drink coffee, but I don't want the headaches I don't want the fatigue. I don't want to feel like I hit a wallet, two o'. Clock, I don't want, blah, blah, blah. Like, what do you want? Why would you want to cut out coffee? And maybe that's a poor example for you. That's fine. Find something that applies a little bit more to you. Why do you want to make this decision? And that comes back to, again, our identity and vision for our life, who we believe we are and this vision that we're creating. So that is my first tip for you. When you are taking a step towards seeing the changes that you want to see in your life, you, number one, you have to make a decision and you have to commit to it. Only say the things that you mean and mean the things that you say. We gotta teach your mind that this means business. Like, if I say I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it. My word is gold. And we need to teach our mind to do that. The second thing that makes a tremendous difference in the amount of effort you see yourself put forward and how quickly you accomplish something, or if you even stay the course or if you end up giving up. The second thing that matters tremendously is allowing yourself to know that every step counts. Every step counts. And you can take small steps. What the frick? Why do you have to go from waking up at the same time as your kids, like maybe your kids cry for you and you wake up to them. Why do you have to go from that to, oh, I'm going to wake up at 5am well, maybe they're waking up at 7. Why does it have to be this two hour jump of when you're going to start waking up and then you freak yourself out saying, oh my gosh, I'm going to feel so exhausted the next day? Your mind's predicting all the worst case scenarios. We're focusing now on what we don't want to happen. I don't want to feel tired. I don't want to feel grumpy. I don't want to feel, I don't want to get a headache, Right? Like we sell, we tell ourselves all these things as if it's a fact, as if it's just going to happen. If I wake up at 5am, I'm going to feel tired by noon. How do you know that? Is that actually a fact? Are you a fortune teller? No, we're not fortune tellers. We can't predict the future. And I'm not talking to you that way. I'm talking to your mind that way. Because our mind needs to be re minded, it needs to be reprogrammed to understand. Sure, you can predict that that's what's going to happen. And it doesn't make it a fact because guess what, I could wake up at 5 and have an enormous amount of energy that now I'm putting my kids in the stroller and we're going on a walk at noon and it feels so good and I'm so excited and I finally feel like I'm on track with the time markers of my day. Like we're making breakfast at the time that I want to, making lunch at the time that I want to, we've got our homeschool done. Or it's easier to get the kids homework done after they get home from school. Like everything's flowing a little bit better because you're making this morning time for yourself. Now is your mind predicting that? No, because your mind's only making predictions based off of the experience that it has. So if it has experience waking up at 7 o' clock to your child crying out for you and you feel tired, it's going to imagine and assume that if I wake up at five o', clock, that's gonna be even worse. Which is not. That's not a fact, that's not the truth. And I just want you to be able to make that 1 degree shift towards the truth and to know that every step counts. It doesn't have to be two hours earlier than you were waking up before. It could be 10 minutes earlier than you were waking up before. You're used to waking up to your kids around 7:00'. Clock. Well, now you're set an alarm for 6, 6:45. And maybe before you were drinking two cups of coffee during the day. Okay, well now we're drinking one. You don't have to say, okay, I'm giving up coffee, I'm done, blah blah, blah, like maybe you can do that. I know sometimes I do do best with cold turkey decisions. That's, that's what does work best for me sometimes. And there's other times where I know, okay, I'm gonna need how to walk like that. Think about that. Think about the person that you want to be. What does your life look like when you're her? Doesn't it look pretty different? Doesn't it look like you're breathing before you respond? And you ask better questions to people and you hold your ground really well even when you're being mistreated and when you feel hurt, you're still kind. Like there's all these. There's this vision of who you want to be, what she does, what she feels like, what she looks like, what she wears, how she treats herself, how she treats her kids, and what her routine looks like. Right? There's this vision, and we have to admit that she walks a lot differently than we walk right now. Right now, we walk a specific way. And sure, we get to our destinations, we're still walking. And it's different than the way she would walk. This poised version of you, this gentle, nurturing, compassionate, enthusiastic, energetic, active, healthy, wonderful, funny, fun version of you that you tell me you want to be. And we try to get really clear on that vision because it's important to know what you want. If you don't know what you want, how are you going to get it? If you don't know where you freak you're walking, how are you going to get there? Where are we going? Are we going in circles? Are we going backward? Where are we going? Every step counts, Every step matters. So appreciate that who you want to become walks differently than who you are right now. And I. I appreciate that in my journey as well. I am still very much working on myself, very much working on who I want to become. That's why I cut out coffee. That's why I'm sticking to this morning routine. Like. And it's taken a long, A long process, this period of time needed to pass for me to learn these things. And I want you to, to start being aware and observant of them too, so that you can make these choices and then. And the end and this progress. And then you're gonna look back over the course of a year and be like, holy freaking smokes, look at all the progress that I've made. Am I exactly where I wanna be yet? No. Well, guess what? Neither am I. I'm grateful for where I'm at, though. I'm grateful for the lessons. I'm grateful for the continued vision that we can. That we can have and to understand that who I want to be walks different than who I am today. So I'm still learning how to walk like her. I'm still learning how to walk with that kind of confidence, that kind of creativity, that kind of compassion, that kind of emotional mastery. I'm still learning how to walk like that. I'm going to get there. It's just going to take a lot of practice. So for you and these choices that you want to make, understand that who you want to become walks differently than who you. Who you are right now. And it's going to take some time to learn how to walk like her. And that's okay. Sure. You're going to trip, you're going to stumble. Sometimes we fall side to side. Whatever. We're still learning. And if we can enjoy this process of learning and understand that this is a very intentional time of our life to be learning, we're going to go so much further. We're going to start walking like her and we're going to get that stride so beautifully, so great. And then we're going to decide, ooh, you know what else I would love to do? You know who else I would love to be? And we add it and we learn how to walk like that too. And that's just this journey that you're on of adding and learning. And it's really beautiful. I'm really proud of you. So it doesn't have to be this two hour jump like I'm waking up at seven right now. Now I need to wake up at five. No, you could just start waking up at six, 45. You're used to drinking two, three cups of coffee during the day. Now we're going down to one. Great. You make that. And now we look at that one cup, we're like, man, I really want this to last. So we start drinking it slower. And as we're drinking it slower, we notice, hey, I didn't even finish that whole cup. And naturally, it's just so much easier to make this progress. Maybe you're used to having a snack before bed every night. Well, instead of telling yourself, okay, I no longer eat before bed, well, why not just put a new boundary in place. I stop eating by 9pm or I, if I'm gonna watch a show right then I, then I have this decision, this commitment to myself that I watch it without food and I can still watch my show. And if I choose not to watch a show and I want a snack, go ahead, go have your snack. A lot of times we just want something because it's out of habit. Like, oh, I turned on the tv so now I want my snack. So if we just put a little boundary in place there of maybe a time that you want to stop eating by or, or a portion. It could be a portion and send. Maybe you're used to just having an open bag. Well, now we put it in a bowl and we just take these steps in the right direction. We cut back on coffee. We wake up 15 minutes earlier. You want to start exercising, great. I love that for you. It does not have to be a one hour workout. It doesn't have to be weight training right away. And even with weight training, it doesn't have to be freaking 30 pound dumbbells. Grab the fives, start right where you're at and be willing to make a decision and commit to it because you can. And the more you practice that commitment, the more weight your word holds and your mind learns. Holy smokes, we're going. And we're going quick because she just said we're doing this so I better get geared up and ready because she does the things she says she's going to do. And that's who you are. That's who I know know you are. You are someone that does the things that she says she's going to do. And right now it's just about reminding yourself of that. Sometimes I forget that about myself too. And we just need that reminder. And I hope to be that friend in your corner, that coach by your side that can give you these reminders and can point you in the direction and remind you, hey, you're learning how to walk in a whole new way. It's going to take a little bit of time. That's all right. And to remind you, yes, we want to wake up at 5am and we're going to start with 6:45. Because the mind needs a positive experience. It needs an experience that says, this is safe. Oh, look, I woke up 15 minutes earlier and I actually feel better when I hear my baby crying for me. Wow. And like teaching the mind and this very, it can be this very gentle, wonderful process of building new experiences, getting closer to who you want to be and learning how to walk like her. So those are the two things that I want you focused on right now. Is one, what is the decision that you want to make? Is it cutting out coffee? Is it this exercise? Is it waking up earlier? Is it starting that business? Is it the way you're going to treat your spouse or your kids or the time you're going to go to bed at night, how many times you're going to like take a shower throughout the week or get dressed in clothes that you love? What is the decision that you want to make? And let's commit to it, write it down, commit to it. This is what you're going to do. And teach your mind, hey, this is who I am, this is what I'm doing. And then that second step, when we think about what we want to do, what is the first obtainable goal that we could set for ourselves? Instead of waking up at 7, maybe we want to wake up at 6:45, set that first step. That's like, I got that. I can take one step in that direction. Instead of three cups of coffee, it's two. And if you're like, well, right now I just drink one cup of coffee every day. How could I start limiting that? Sip on your cup slower. Right? Sip on your cup slower. And notice when I'm really present with this and I sip it slowly instead of just downing it and chugging it. I actually don't even finish the whole cup and just get into the habit of not finishing the cup. And, you know, we can start taking steps away from what we don't want in our life and into what we do want into our life. Because what we want is what our focus is on. Rather than, I don't wanna drink coffee. I don't wanna drink coffee, I don't wanna drink coffee. That's not telling me what you want. What do you wanna do? Do you wanna sip on bone broth in the morning? Do you wanna sip on a tea? Do you wanna just have a large, tall glass of water and enjoy that? Like, what do you want? You have to know what you want. You want to wake up at five. So we're not going to say, I don't want to wake up when my kids wake up. We want to say, I want to wake up before my kids. Great. What time do you want to wake up? I want to wake up at 5am awesome. What's the first for sure obtainable step to begin waking up at 5am? I could wake up at 6. 45. I'm going to give myself a bedtime of 9:30. Like, whatever that looks like. We can put these steps and plans in action and start walking in the direction that we want to go in. And understand. I'm learning how to walk in this new way. And we all of a sudden, we have more grace for ourselves because it's this. It's a new perspective of learning. Just like we see our babies walk, we don't shame them that they don't have it figured out yet. We cheer them on with every step. Like, oh, my gosh, you took two steps down. That's amazing. Like, we're so excited. Same thing with you. Be excited for the steps that you're taking. Be excited every time that you fall down. Why? Because you know you're going to get back up. It's all right. I'm watching Drew stumble, wobble. He'll take 10 steps, falls down on his bum, and I'M so excited. Why? Because I know he's going to get back up. That's faith. Faith in knowing that everything is going to be okay and we can have what we desire and we can be who we want to be. And trusting that anything that I'm given is what I'm meant to have. That's faith. And I want more of that for you in your life. So that's what we're focusing on, my sweet friend. Focus on that commitment, make that decision and commit to it. Second step is focusing on what you want and what is the first step you can take. That's slow and steady and it wins the race if it's setting the alarm just 15 minutes earlier than normal, going to bed 15 minutes earlier than normal instead of hours and decreasing cups and cutting down on all these things or starting to work out for a whole hour. Like, just start where you're at. You'll go so much further if you meet yourself right where you're at. Grab your own hand and walk in the direction that you want to go in. I promise you, you will get where you want to be. You will become who you want to be. You'll learn to walk like her. And I'm so excited that I know I get to be by your side every step of the way. I get to be the friend in your corner and coach by your side. And I am ecstatic for it. So I hope we live life with more enthusiasm. We bring amazing energy everywhere that we go and we show up as who the frick we want to be because it feels super good to do so. I love you dearly, my sweet friend, and I'll talk to you soon.