8. "Why Bother?" This Will Change Your Mindset

Hello my beautiful friend and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment Podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to help teach you all the skills, tools and encouragement that you need to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be. While going through a healing journey that allows you to build a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get started. Hello my beautiful friends and welcome back. I hope that you are in such a great headspace today and if you're not, I hope that I get to be the one to help you because that's the kind of friend I want to be for you. I want to be the friend that asks you the difficult questions that need to be asked so that you can guide yourself to a better place. And sometimes I can share some tips, tools or encouragement that can help you along that road too. But ultimately I want you to be the one that makes these really great connections for yourself along the road of self discovery, discovery and self healing. So today's topic we're going to be actually talking about why even bother? Holiday time can feel very heavy in general and then you know, you have day to day life on top of that. So we have losses and expenses and responsibilities and commitments that we had made and it just feels like a lot all at once. And I totally get that, but I don't think that's where we have to stay. I truly do not believe that you have to find yourself in that position and and stay in that position and that there's nothing that you can do for yourself. Sometimes a shift in your perspective, that shift in mindset can be the game changer you were looking for to start enjoying the holiday and viewing that expense as something that you can handle. And you'll figure out because your creativity is increasing as your stress is decreasing. Remember, the more stress you have, the less creative you're going to be. Because stress and creativity are not friends. They don't function well together. I want you to be able to get on that journey of self discovery and self healing and get into a creative space where you feel like you can solve your problems. You're empowered to do so. You know who you are and you know without a doubt you are capable of handling anything that comes your way because you have done it your entire life. That's how you're here today. So let's get back to that topic of why bother? I get so many questions. Every time I do one of the question Q and A mindset swaps in my Instagram story. Tessaromero underscore if you don't follow me on Instagram. Every time I do one of those, I get a question in there. Or just a random DM that says why should I even bother cleaning if my kids make it a mess faster than I can even keep it clean, why bother? And I totally get this. That makes sense, right? That's a valid perspective to have. Like, wow, that would feel really defeating to clean something that's constantly being undone behind you and you feel like you're making no ground. This is super valid. So if you're nodding your head right now like Y, that's exactly where my mind is at. I validate you. Okay? I also want you to validate yourself. But I am validating you right now to know that makes sense. But let's do some self discovery work there, okay? Because it's never our kids responsibility for how we feel and what we think about cleaning the home. That's not their role, right? That's not their responsibility, it's ours. Everything that you think, say and do is your responsibility. And it's something that can be extremely empowering when you start making decisions that align with who you want to be, not just the negative version that you feel you are right now. If you're thinking about who I am right now and you've referring been referring a lot to your emotions, I am exhausted, I am anxious, I am frustrated, I am irritable, I am overwhelmed. We don't want to be identifying with our emotions and I've done tons of episodes on that. So go back and check those out if you haven't already. But if you are thinking of like, you know, this is who I am, the negative side of things that you want to work through, that needs a lot of healing and you have this perspective, this mindset of why bother? Because they're taking it apart faster than I can put it together. I get it. And that's why it's valid. Because you're coming from a place of who you believe you are right now. But if we could change who you believe you are, the reason why you do what you do would also change. Because identity steers mindset. Identity plus mindset equals actions. They're all connected. So check out your identity. Always, always, always. That's the foundation. The first step to always take is who am I And do some self reflection there and self discovery and what needs healing. Okay? And if you're lost in that journey, remember I have a 12 week coaching program available to you. Available to you. It launches January 3rd together. Registration is going to be December. I had to change these dates just a tiny bit. December 14th through the 23rd. That's going to be your nine day or so window to enroll in my program with me and start on January 3rd. So if you need that journey of self discovery and self healing, I'm here for you. I've got the whole layout with video modules, PDF support material walking you through it and online Facebook private community there for additional coaching. Like it's going to be so fun. But anyway, getting back to your identity. Do self discovery and self healing but then check out your mindsets more does it serve you to have this thought of why bother cleaning? They're always going to mess it up. Why bother cleaning it? It's just going to get dirty again. Does that serve you? Or do you end up feeling irritable and frustrated and overwhelmed and exhausted a little bit more? I'm imagining that that's the way you feel when your thoughts are saying why bother? They're just going to mess it all up. This is totally pointless. I'm imagining that's the way it's going to go, right? Because thoughts create feelings. Identity plus mindset equals actions. This is all connected. But what if. Well, I guess before I talk about that, one more question. Who do you become when you believe that thought of why bother? They're just gonna mess it up anyway. This is a complete waste of time. I shouldn't be doing this right now. I have more important things to do that I might actually see some progress on. What would the more important things be? I mean, we'd probably get on our phone, right? Let's be real. So that's not gonna see progress either. And we're just going to feel very defeated afterwards. But who do we become when we believe those thoughts? We become unintentional, unproductive. We'd probably refer to ourselves as lazy procrastinators, inconsistent. Wow. Wow. Are you able to see how those actions are going right back to fueling who we believe we are? Identity plus mindset equals actions. You can look at your actions and it will give you great insight into who you truly believe you are. And you could also look at your mindset and it would give you great insight into who you truly believe you are. And if you ever want to change your actions sustainably and effectively, you have to start first with the mental side. Identity and mindset. That's what's going to make it the most effective. But who you become when you believe these negative thoughts, why should I bother? We don't become closer to a version of ourselves that we want to be. We stray further away from it, and that is not serving us. So although, you know, you're looking at this like, oh my gosh, I just cleaned up your clothes that you had thrown out of your drawer, and here I am back in the room and they're thrown out again. Why do I even bother? Instead of looking at it, here's an idea for mindset. And instead of looking at it initially as, oh my gosh, I have to clean this up for you, instead of looking at it that way, why not look at it as, this is a simple task that I would feel good about completing. I feel good about doing this for the people in my home and within my family that I love the most and I want to care for. This is something that aligns with who I want to be. I'm going to get this done quickly. If the clothes end up back out of the drawer, that might feel frustrating, but it could also be, oh, maybe I'm learning now that me putting his clothes away each time he throws them out isn't going to keep them from throwing them out. Let me use this as an opportunity of learning and growth. And again, we're getting curious, not furious. And you're able to better navigate those situations and circumstances even when they're unfavorable. Remember, circumstances are outside of your control, but what you think, say and do about them is always within your control. Just so long as you are who you are. You have say in what you think, say and do. That's it. So go back to the idea of why bother doing the dishes? The sink's just going to fill up again. Okay, valid if you're looking at it from the past identity with the past mindset. But if you look at it from an identity of who you want to be doing this productive task serves me. I feel so much better. It gives me just a little kick of energy and some positive self talk to know that I'm doing things that get me closer to my overall goal. Maybe you have an overall goal of having a more organized, functional home that you feel a decreased amount of tension, stress, anxiety in. Maybe you notice that about yourself. You just feel better when there's less clutter. I know I do personally, so that's just a personal goal of mine. It doesn't have to be your goal by any means, but you can see how when we just shift the perspective of why we want to get those dishes Done. Why do we want to clean up the mess? Why do we want to create a system in our home that keeps things just a little bit more tidy? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Because it aligns with not only who we want to be, but how we want to feel, how we want to feel. Thoughts create feelings. So if you want to feel intentional and productive and energetic, if you want to feel that way, you have to start thinking that way. And when we're thinking that way, our actions are going to follow in that direction. It's all connected in such a beautiful way. And this is your opportunity to start shifting little tiny pieces of your mindset and your day to day life to see. You know, I just want to put what Tess is saying to the test. Does this really work this way? Would I feel any different if I thought just slightly different about this? Test it out for yourself and see. It's definitely worth a try. But I also have another way for you to shift your mindset about this, about why bother this effort and this can come all the way back to your healing journey. Why bother trying to become who I want to be when I know I won't stay consistent Again, ask yourself those questions some more. Self discovery. Does this thought serve me? How do I feel when I have this thought? Does this thought ultimately help me become who I want to be? If not, who do I become when I believe this about myself? There's going to be a lot of self discovery there, right? And those are questions worth writing down if you have your journal out. Let's review those questions you're going to ask yourself. Number one, does this thought serve me? Ask yourself that. Number two question to write down is going to be how do I feel with this thought? Third question, who do I become when I believe this thought? Fourth question. Additional bonus if you want is this thought serving who I want to be? Helping you become that version of you that you want to be. Those four questions, any type of self discovery that you do where you can kind of better help guide yourself to a good answer is good work to be done. But the same mindset can apply to why bother when I know I'm not going to consistently be able to be her? What's the point? Well, I'm going to feel better just pursuing that version of me. I know I'll feel better. That's the point. I don't want to be perfect at it. I want to continue growing and learning and becoming. I don't want to accomplish it all in a day. I want to have something to look forward to continuing to work at, overcome and become on my journey when I'm meant to get there. I want to look forward to those things. That's an entirely different mindset, but it comes from this belief of like how I feel. Not exactly what I'm doing, but how I feel about who I'm becoming, how I feel about what I think, how I feel about what I do. All of those are going to matter tremendously in your day to day life. But another great way to think about this is why do we bother taking a shower when we know we're just going to have to shower again? Personally, I shower every night before bed. I shower every night and if I work out in the morning, then I typically take a super fast shower after my workout. And that's just me personally. But why do I bother showering, like especially that morning shower after workout? Why bother when I know I'm going to have to shower again that night? Because that's what I do. I take those showers because they help me feel the way I want to feel. I don't have to take them. No, it's definitely not something I have to do. I mean, to some extent I don't even need to. Like I'd be fine. But I do it because it supports the way I want to feel. I feel refreshed, I feel energized. And I love that. So I do it. Think about this one. If you don't shower like in that way, try this one. Why do you bother putting on makeup? It could be your mascara. If you do blush or foundation or bronzer or eyeshadow. I don't know. Why do you bother putting on that makeup when you know it's temporary? It's not going to last forever. You're going to have to reapply it at some point. Why bother? Because it helps you feel the way you want to feel. You feel a little bit more put together and confident and aligned and energized and creative. You just feel better. And that is reason enough for you to see past the effort that it takes to do it and just look at the way it makes you feel. You're like not. We really don't even pay attention to the effort that it takes to put on our clothes in the morning. I mean, at some points in life we do. Like when we're in those really hard spots, we're like, oh my gosh, I just don't even want to get dressed. I don't want to take the shower, do my hair, paint my nails or put on My makeup. I don't want to do these things. I don't feel like it. I have no energy. I totally get that. And there are phases that we reach in those life, in our life that feel that way, and that's valid. But you are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. So just because a thought says, maybe I just won't do that today. But you have this conscious thought that says, why, though? Because it helps me feel so much better when I wear the dress or when I wear the clothes that I love, when I put on my mascara, when I get my nails done, when I wear clothes that I love, when I make my bed. Why would I not do it? It needs to come to a point in your mind where you're like, I'm done self sabotaging. I'm done abandoning myself. Even on the days I don't feel like doing it, I'm doing it for me so I can feel the way that I want to feel. I look at my. I have windows and the back side of my home, and we have several of them. And they get so dirty between the boy's fingers. The dogs licking it and jumping on it and food getting on them. I mean, there's just always something on the water spots. There's always something on the windows. And I think about it, but I love it when the windows are clean and I can just see out them. I mean, I think it's. I. It really doesn't bother me when there's the water spots or, gosh, the dog marks or the kids. Like, that's fine. But about once a week or so, I usually clean my windows. Why. Why bother cleaning the windows when I know for certain Sunny is going to go behind me and lick the window? He does it every time I clean it. So why do I bother? One, it's an intentional task that aligns with who I want to be. Two, it helps me feel so good when I just look out the window and it's clean. And I know that I did that. I did that for my home. I did that for myself. That was an act of service. But it also aligns with who I want to be. And it was just so good to get that done. And I had a great mindset about it. It only takes a minute. And I just felt good doing it. That's why I did it. So I don't freak out when my kids touch the windows after I clean it. Although we're working on like, okay, these windows, we're not going to touch. I understand if you touch the door. But, like, we're not going to touch these windows. And it's this big thing, and I get it because they've always been able to touch them. But I'm not feeling so attached to keeping a clean window. It doesn't have to stay clean. I can clean it again, and I'm okay with cleaning it again. The dishes don't have to stay done. I want to feed my family. I want to use the dishes that we have to nourish the people in my home that I love. I'm okay with this process because it aligns with how I want to feel. I'm okay with doing laundry. Why? Because it serves my family. It serves me. I feel good knowing that every clean outfit my family wears each day I contributed to. And that's a really just wonderful feeling. It's wonderful to know that your family has an abundance of clothing options when you're doing a big pile of laundry. It's wonderful. But it's also coming down to systems and routines and processes that serve you right. We don't have to let the laundry go for weeks. We don't have to let the windows go for weeks, or the dishes go for days. And then we sabotage ourselves. We don't have to do that. Remember just a few minutes ago, I said, I'm done abandoning myself when I don't feel like doing it. I'm not just going to listen to that. I'm going to ask myself, well, how do I want to feel? Is not doing that aligning with how I want to feel? No, it's not. So I'm going to do that anyway because I deserve to. We think we deserve to do the things that we just feel like doing in that moment. I deserve to scroll my phone. I deserve to binge watch a show. I deserve to have a bunch of sugar, whatever. And, like, usually we don't really deserve those things because we deserve so much better than those things. You deserve to work towards the goal that you set for yourself. Why? Because you deserve to accomplish your goals because you're an incredible person that's capable of doing so much good. The more you increase your belief in yourself, the more good you're gonna do in this world. And that benefits everybody. So this is kind of getting on, like, a side tangent, which we do together because we're friends. But. But I just want you to know that when your mind says, why bother? Tell it because it supports the way you want to feel. Why bother? Because this is a task that aligns with me because it's Gonna help me feel the way that I wanna feel. It's gonna help me become who I wanna be. It feels challenging right now, but I know it serves me right. Like get back into that consciousness and mindfulness and set those intentions. And do the self discovery work? Like the four questions that I asked you several minutes ago? It helps to know where the thoughts are coming from. And most of the time they're just way rooted from past experiences going back to childhood. And that's okay. It's okay. It doesn't mean you can never overcome them. It just means you have to discover them. You have to know what you're up against. You can't just go into everything blind and say, I don't know why I'm like this. I can't change. Like, hold on a second. There's a reason why you feel you are this way. There's a reason why you think what you think and say what you say and do what you do. You've been through a lot and it makes sense, but it doesn't mean you can't change. It means that you have to believe you're capable of changing. Observing yourself without judgment, observing yourself without criticism. Just observe the thoughts, observe your feelings, observe the decisions that you've made. Like, wow, why did I do that? Do some self discovery, some self reflection, self healing. These are all good things to be doing. Even when they feel uncomfortable, even when they feel like a lot of effort, even when your mind says, why bother? I totally get it and I hope that you can feel how strongly I am attached to you. Changing your mindset. I know you can do it. And sometimes it takes just a simple 20 minute podcast like this for you guys to just like make big shifts. Sometimes it's a 15 second reel and I can't believe how much you guys take out of those. Like, I love doing that for you. It's something I can do, it's something I enjoy doing and it serves you like, win, win, win. These are all good things. But like I said, if you're looking for more self discovery, more healing, more of the coaching and guidance end of things. And you've been finding a lot of benefits from my podcast, my reels on Instagram, my Instagram story, my email list, just all the resources that I try to put out to you, truly strongly consider joining Mind Body Alignment. That's my online coaching program. It's 12 weeks long. You have lifetime access to the program itself, so you could truly go through it as many times as you want to. But I have it guided in a framework to complete it in 12 weeks with me. But what I'm doing is not solving problems. It's not a quick fix by any means. It's teaching you skills and tools, skills and tools so that you can keep going. First of all, you can find the road to be on, and then you can keep going on that road because you feel equipped and empowered to do so. That's what I'm here for. I. I don't want this to be a quick fix for you. I want you to keep learning. I want you to feel safe, to discover the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that need your attention. And I want to help create that safety for you. So, anyway, I'm just expressing that to you one more time because enrollment opens December 14th through the 23rd. We will start together on January 3rd. And you guys know that I would love to grow my family. We had miscarriage in October. I would love to be pregnant with another baby when that timing's right for us. So I'm not guaranteeing running this program again in 2022, because if I get pregnant in January, I don't know if I get pregnant soon. I have to plan on. Okay, here's when a due date would be. This is a postpartum period, and running a group setting for coaching like this is a lot of work and energy, and I love that. I love my work. I love the energy. But postpartum and motherhood and pregnancy and all of that requires a lot too. So weighing that out and balancing it. The only session that I'm guaranteeing right now because of my current life circumstances is January 3rd. So truly get on that date. Just get on that date. Don't wait. Let 2022 start out on the right foot for you, where you can just say, this is my year to truly know who I am. This is my year to create a thought pattern that serves me where I'm not. I'm no longer saying things like, I can't and it never works out, and this is unfair and I'm the victim and why bother? This is happening to me. We're no longer thinking that way. And when we have the thought, it's almost like we laugh at it because we know it has absolutely zero power over us. It doesn't have any power. It's just a thought. Thoughts are thoughts. So if you're looking for a journey like that, I hope you make your way to me and just know that I have a masterclass running four live day and times for you to choose from. We're going to be doing a masterclass together. It's totally free to you. About 90 minutes long, 60 minutes of the masterclass, 30 minutes of the Q and A at the end, and the topic of the masterclass is how to change your mindset no matter the circumstances. I want to help you with that because I know sometimes we get so attached to our circumstances that we think they define us, but they don't. They're challenges, hardships, opportunities, difficulties, sure, but they don't define us. So I want to help empower you through that. Join me on a masterclass. I've linked it in the show notes so you can check it out there to find a day in time that works best for you. This week is the week to register for a master class and then I will be hosting them December 14th through the 23rd, the same time as my enrollment for mind body alignment December 14th through through the 23rd. So keep an eye out for that stuff. I can't wait to see you on the inside of the coaching program and time's a ticking I this whole year is just flying by. I can't believe it. But I'm ready for 2022 and I hope you are too. And I hope the content and resources that I have provided to you this year have been life changing for you in some way. Even if it's just changing a thought pattern, changing a habit, changing who you believe you are. I hope that I've been able to serve you in that way. And if I haven't yet, give me a chance. Give me a chance to show you who you are capable of becoming and how you're capable of thinking. I want to do that for you. Thank you so much for being here for this week's episode. If this episode serves you, please feel free to subscribe to the podcast and share it. I love spreading the message of positivity and healing and how they work together. My goal is to continue serving you and I can't wait to form more meaningful relationships together here on the podcast and elsewhere such as Instagram and my email list. We'll talk more soon.