80. Get Your Identity and Mommy Vision Ready For the Holidays!

Welcome to the momset podcast, my friend. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and as a woman of God, an adoring wife, and a mother of three darling boys, I am passionate about giving you the tools you need to build a mindset skill set that enriches your experience through motherhood and daily life. I've had my fair share of challenges and hardship throughout my life, and that is exactly how I came to this place of finding purpose to my pain and helping you do the same. I know we can thrive right where we are at, and it's time for us to take back motherhood by being the mommy that we want to be right right now. Thank you for being here and making this a wonderful place for me to show up alongside you, baby. The holidays are coming up quick, and that means we need to dial in on your identity and your vision for this holiday season so that you can best enjoy it, truly enjoy it, and choose to be the one that feels calm during the holidays and feels excited and has letting go of the idea of these deadlines, like, oh, I have to do this on this day. That's something that I used to do all the time, especially when it came to, like, taking down Halloween. Like, I had to take down Halloween on November 1st and set up for Christmas on that same day. And I used to do that very successfully, and now I have three kids, and I have a business that I'm running. I'm in my marriage, right? There's, like, so many components in my life, and truly, just having the. The acceptance and the flexibility and this inner peace that knows, I'll do that. I'll. I will do that. I fully trust myself to do that. And it's because of my identity and my vision for this holiday season. So what is your identity like right now? Are you telling yourself, I am exhausted? Oh, my gosh. The holidays overwhelm me. My kids around the holidays. It totally stresses me out. They're asking for all these things, and I either am not gonna get those things for them, or we have these financial limitations, or it just doesn't make any sense. Like, it just feels stressful, and I wish they'd stop freaking asking, like, what is the experience like for you right now? Who are you saying that you are? Are you saying that you're overwhelmed? Are you saying that you're exhausted and you don't get any sleep during holidays because you have to be the one that stays up late to make it magical for everybody else? Are we saying that we're overwhelmed and we're stressed and we're, we are just unappreciated in our life. And now because of that, we're resentful. And I tell you, this goodness, it needs to be every episode. Like I need to step up in that area so we can really get this conditioning in. Every I am statement matters. Every I am statement is like a command of instructions to your mind. So if you say I am exhausted, you're literally commanding your mind to create a mentality built around exhaustion. And then once your mind has that program in place of, oh, here's how I create exhaustion, we're gonna feel more exhausted and we're gonna do things that exhaust us. We're gonna have limited or no boundaries. So we're gonna be saying yes. We're gonna be overdoing things, right? We can have more people pleasing tendencies. Because totally, if we're, if we're so concerned about how other people are feeling and what, what their needs are over our own, then we're going to go out of our way to be saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And doing the things that they want done just how they want it, even if it's at our own sake. And we're not able to take care of ourselves properly simultaneously while saying yes to everyone and everything else. So people pleasing can be much higher when we have an identity of I am exhausted. And then our actions, like all of our behaviors, all of our actions are outside of alignment. We, we're staying up later. Why are we staying up later? Because the mind is following the program that you gave it of I am exhausted. And if we stay up later, well, that will, that will perpetuate the cycle. That will create more exhaustion, which is what your mind wants to do. Your mind loves to do two things. It loves to make predictions, and it loves to be right. And it loves to do those things faster and faster and faster every time. So if you continue to feed it this program of I am exhausted, your mind thinks it's doing a great job creating exhaustion. It truly believes that it is just crushing the programming game. Because now it's getting to saying yes to someone, right? And putting ourselves on the back burner faster than ever before. Now we're getting to the place of resentment faster than ever before. And your mind doesn't care, it really does not care if something is good for you or not. You can have the knowledge that drugs are bad for us, right? That smoking is bad for us, that alcohol is bad for us, whatever. We can have all this knowledge. And as long as the program says this fits My programming, then the mind wants it more. And if we can just hack the programming. There are other factors. Absolutely. There are other factors. Absolutely. And like, addiction is a real thing, okay. And there's a big difference in the identities when it comes to addiction. If we have an identity that says I am an addict, well, now we've programmed the mind to believe that's true about us. And when we have that belief instilled about us, we're going to have those feelings and those behaviors that align with being an addict. Identity is so powerful. And if we just change the identity, the root, if we change the root to, then we'll have a much more successful time changing the feelings and the behaviors and the outcomes. So if we change the route away from I am an addict and into I'm overcoming an addiction, that gives the mind an entirely different program. Because now it's like, I am. This is a command. This is who I believe I am. Okay? And thoughts create feelings, and feelings lead to our behaviors and our behaviors lead to our outcomes. So cool how it's all connected. If we change it to I'm overcoming and, and addiction. Now all of a sudden we're, we're looking at this addiction from a place of empowerment. Like, I've got this. I'm the one overcoming it. And the mind's like, yeah, I am overcoming this. It's not who I am. And we can truly break this down in so many areas of your life. And that's exactly what I do in the first week of my 12 week course mind body alignment is break down all these identities that you've been holding onto and carrying. Because so many of them just aren't even freaking true about you. They're not even true about you. They're just poor programming. They're. They're conditioning. And we can decide, hey, yeah, that's actually not who I am. And I'm okay with releasing that and picking up what is true about me. And with that I am an addict example, it's so powerful to see how identity works that way. Now let's go back to the examples with I am exhausted, I am overwhelmed. I am touched out, I am resentful. Those are all feelings. All of those are feelings. So truly, you are not overwhelmed. You're not exhausted, you're not touched out and you're not resentful. It's just not who you are. And I would be on high alert of who in my life is trying to tell me that that's who I am. Get really observant of the People in your life and who they're telling you that you are. Is it empowering you? Is it equipping you? Is it building out a conditioning in you that says, I've freaking got this. No matter what time the day I wake up, no matter how many times I was up in the night, no matter who I'm serving or what I sign myself up for, or what the day is, is asking of me, I've got this. And I'm excellent at saying no. And I am wonderful at monitoring what I put on my plate. Like, I'm so good at these things. I want people in my life to. That are. That are encouraging me to have that kind of conditioning from their influence. People influence us. We are influenced by the things we read, the things we listen to, the things we see, what we smell. We are constantly being influenced. And I've said this before and again, maybe it needs to be like an episode, like an every time episode. Remember is to watch your influences in your life. What do you. What podcast episodes are you choosing to listen to? Are you listening to mom say that motherhood is the, is the hardest thing ever and no one understands and we are all exhausted, we are all burnt out, we are all overwhelmed. I'm telling you this right? Freaking out. That is not true. That is not true. That is their mindset, that's their opinion. That's not a fact. And if we just allow ourselves to kind of take a step back when it comes to our life, our influences, and just ask ourselves every time we hear something and is that a fact? Is that a fact? Is that a fact? Is that a fact that will change your identity and your vision through the holidays? And that's what I want you to be able to do. I mean, yes, in the holidays and far after that, to be the one feeling like I'm in control of what I choose to think about this, what I think is gonna happen next, who I believe I am and what I believe I'm gonna do and how I'm gonna feel through the holidays? Yeah, I actually get to decide that and I'm gonna do it really well now. So just, just ask yourself that for a second. Like, are the influences in my life setting me up to have an identity and a vision that I feel fired up about and really just in love with? Like, do you love your identity? And going back to this idea of I am overwhelmed, I am exhausted, I am burnt out, I am touched out, anything like that. Those are all feelings. And you are not your feelings, you are not your feelings that Is a fact. Thoughts create feelings. Feelings are our way of enriching our human experience. They're so valuable. They're so beautiful. I love feelings. I love them. Some of them are very difficult to process at times, and some of them are difficult to hold space for, for sure. And my life is better because of every single feeling I've had the opportunity to. To have come enrich my life, even on the hardest days. So you can value your feelings while also deciding, hey, this is who I really am as I feel this way. And if we as mothers could make that one shift in our home, in our motherhood, everything else would have to change. It has to change. If you decide I am a victorious woman of God with his active spirit keeping me focused. I am raising a wholesome and fulfilled family of his defined children. If you decided that's who you are, what would life look like? How would you feel? If you decided, I am wild and I feel the wilderness within me. If you decided I am completely irresistible to those ready to walk a path of light, love, and leadership. If you decided that's who you are and you felt exhausted, how would you show up for yourself? What would you then think about feeling exhausted with this feeling of exhaustion now be a message to you of maybe the workload you've taken on or your incredible efforts to be that person where you lay down at the end of the. At the end of the day and you're just like, gosh, I feel completely wiped out. I feel completely exhausted and so fulfilled because I am being who I want to be. The feeling of exhaustion is not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing, and it's something we can help ourselves through. Like, the feelings are messengers, not leaders. And they're not bad things. They're here to enrich our human experience. It's what we think about the feeling that's an issue. Because if we hear mothers say, oh, I am exhausted, we automatically just assume, oh, that's because she's having a hard time with the kids and no one's listening to her and she has way too much to do and nobody helps her, nobody notices her, and this isn't what she thought it was going to be. And she feels completely overstimulated, overwhelmed, touched out. Like, we just go to the common narrative that's being pushed down everyone's freaking throat all the time. Like, if we just turn to that common narrative of like, oh, that must be why she's exhausted, and then we associate her identity with that feeling, I mean, gosh, we're just as poor of influences, honestly, because we're not showing anything different. We're not proving another way that it can be done. If there's a day that I feel exhausted, I choose to think about, wow, how did I show up today? Who did I serve today? What did I get done today? What was my mentality like all day? Maybe I really was. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And I can recognize that by the end of the day, like dangling. I freaking crushed it today. And I'm excited to go to bed. I'm excited to care for myself a little bit better. Tomorrow I'm going to slow down more. This is good for me. It's good for me to have this experience and we have this self talk about the feeling that understands. Like this is the message the feeling's trying to give me and I receive it well. So if you want to change your identity and really your vision through the holidays, who do you wanna be just like that? I am statement. I just barely shared with you. Like I am victorious woman of God with his active spirit keeping me focused. And I am raising a wholesome and fulfilled family of his divine children. And I am wild and I feel the wilderness within me. What if that was who you believe you are? And you can, you can believe that's who you are even if it's not where you're at right now. Or maybe you say that's actually not who I wanna believe I am. I don't really wanna believe that I'm wild and I feel the wilderness within me. That's fine. Who the frick do you wann? Who do you want to be? Because something inside of me says that we don't want to be overwhelmed and touched out and exhausted and angry and resentful and we don't want that for our lives. And we've got to get clear on what we do want for our lives. And that's where the vision piece comes in. So this holiday season I want you commanding your mind, demanding it to focus on what you do want. How do you want the family interaction to go when you show up at your in laws house? Because we are constantly talking about what we don't want to happen. I don't want this person to be in a bad mood. I don't want everything to fall on me. I don't want everyone to come over and just sit down and not be helpful. I don't want them to leave my kids out because they are favoring other kids. I don't want to go to their house. Like, we are so flipping good at saying what we don't want. And the interesting thing about it is you will create whatever you focus on. Whatever's in your vision, you will create it. Even if it's what you say you don't want. Because your mind just wants to fulfill a program. It just wants to have a vision to bring to life. Even if it's kind of an ugly vision, it kind of sucks a little bit. It brings you down quite a bit. It sets you back a lot. Like it doesn't care. It doesn't care. It just wants to do it successfully and efficiently. So if you keep thinking about what you don't want to happen, you're actually giving your mind permission to think about all the ways that it can make that thing you don't want happen. Because it's the only thing you're allowing yourself to think about. It's the only thing you're allowing yourself to see through. What is it going to look like when you walk in and everyone's sitting on the couch, yet there's a whole frickin Thanksgiving meal to be made? What are you going to think? Like, what's that vision look like? And it's so interesting that our mind has it pictured. Oh my gosh, it's got a perfect picture in your mind of exactly what you don't want to happen. The argument you don't want to get into with your spouse when there's something that you want to talk about. I hear that all the time, Tess. I just don't want to bring it up with him because I know it's going to turn into an argument. Why are you thinking about what you don't want to happen? Tell your mind what you do want to happen and you will be given. You will be given clear instruction of a whole new way to do something that you've never even tried before. You're like, where the frick did this come from? This is great. How do you think people come up with these ideas in parenting? It's not because they're focusing on what they don't want. It's because they're focusing on what they do want. The relationship they do want to have with their kids, the experience they do want to have this holiday season. How they want to feel during potty training or the first six months of the newborn. Like that is how our minds give us this access to a whole new way of doing something that no one else has yet thought of or shared about or done. And you have that Peace within you too. So this holiday season, the first thing you need to do is decide an identity. Who are you? Not who freaking social media told you you are, or your in laws or your parents, or even your husband or even your freaking kids. Liam tells me you're a mean mama. That is not freaking true. I know that's not true. I'm actually a wonderful mom and I believe I'm very, very kind. And sometimes he's gonna think that I mean, and it's up to me to decide that's not true about me. I know who I really am. I am raising a wholesome and fulfilled family of God's divine children. That's what I'm doing. That's who I am, showing up in that role. And when I know that about me, it doesn't freaking matter what these influences are trying to say, because my mind is looking for different evidence. So if evidence comes up that proves something different, my mind's like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. That's obsolete. Just don't, don't pay attention to that. We're gonna look over here where the evidence is beaming that this is who I truly am. And your mind naturally does that too. Your mind is always looking for evidence to prove what you think is true because it loves to make predictions, vision. And it loves to be right. So it wants to be right about its predictions. So if you predict the holidays are going to be awful, your mind will do. It will move mountains, it will go above and beyond to be destructive, and you ruin your freaking holidays. Even if it didn't have to go that way, there are times that we take a step back from a hard moment and you're like, dang, I could have handled that so much better. Wow. Like, I could have really just paused for a second. I could have just like waited five seconds and had something better to say than that. I could have walked away. Like, you know, like, it's after that that we're just like, oh, yeah. That actually wasn't part of the plan. Well, it was. It was part of your mind's plan for the programming that you've been giving it and the instruction. So two things that you've got to do for me now at the end of this episode leading into your holiday so that they can be the best ever. Number one. Who are you? Not who your family is, not who your kids are, not who your in laws are. None of that. Thank you. Just who are you? Who are you? Are you victorious? Are you grounded? Are you mindful? Are you ambitious? Are you courageous? Are you creative? Are you nurturing? Are you gentle? Are you soft? Are you, do you like who, who are you? Start there and then ask yourself, what do I want? And just write in all caps the word want. What do I want? Underline it, put a box around it, some stars bursting out of it. What do I want this holiday season to be? Like, how do you want to feel through the holidays? Do you wanna. I, I feel calm, I feel peaceful, I feel excited. And there are some things I say no to. There's some dates that, you know, kind of get switched around a little bit. There are plans that change. There are dishes that I, that I burn. Just flat out burn them. I almost set my whole freaking oven on fire for my birthday. I was trying to make this s' mores cake and I freaking lit the marshmallows on fire in my oven. And I'm calm, I'm okay, this is all right. Like, I, I have more marshmallows or I can, I actually just scrapped the whole marshmallow idea. I'm like, yeah, actually, we're going in a different direction. Buttercream frosting it is. I'm good at that. And it was, it was worth laughing about and laughing off and still having a wonderful day. And that's how your entire holiday season can be. So how do you want the holidays to feel? What do you want to do this holiday season? How do you want to show up this holiday season? And you just make that your non negotiable vision of the holidays. You make your identity non negotiable, completely foundational. No matter who's doing what around you, everything they're doing, it's just feedback. Like they're doing something. Okay, take the feedback and then make your decision. Other people do not control us. Our feelings do not control us. We get to decide who we are and how we're going to handle these things. If you feel angry, it doesn't mean you have to scream at somebody. You feel angry. Take the information from that, get curious about it, and then decide intentionally what you're going to do next and how you're going to regulate yourself and how you're going to handle this in a way that you're like, dang, I freaking killed that. Are you kidding me right now? Like, being able to call your spouse and be like, you are going to just, your mind's about to blow off your freaking head right now. Are you ready for this story? And you tell them how amazing you did. It can still feel hard and that's okay. And it's in those hard moments that we actually find the strongest parts of us that we need as constant reminders that we've got this and the holidays can truly be what we want them to be. So those are your two things to focus on from this episode. I'm just so grateful for your feedback, for your encouragement as we've shifted over to the momset podcast. I would greatly appreciate it if you left a little rating and review on the show. If you've been enjoying it, I would love to be able to hear from you there. And remember, the new Mommy Mindset course is available to you now. It's available to you right now, you can find in the show notes below and it will literally teach you about mommy vision, about identity, about your kids identity. There's 15 jam packed lessons in there that can truly change the trajectory of your holidays and every day after that. Right now is what matters. Not after the holidays. And if I can save you from even just one hard moment with your kids because you started handling them completely different, I want to do that for you right now. Not. Not on Black Friday, not on New Year's, not anything like that. Now is what matters. This moment is what matters. Your journey in motherhood right this second is what matters most. And that's what we need to be prioritizing and that's what I want us to do together here. So if you know, look, I've got to get my identity in alignment and I need more than this podcast episode. I really want to focus on vision and I need more direction than what Tessa shared here. The Mommy Mindset course is so great for you. There's tools in there, there's scripts in there. Like truly the step by step game plan for you of how to implement 15 powerful mindset tools and approaches. And I'm so excited for you to get in there. And remember, if you're listening to this in time, we have our group coaching through the Mommy mindset course for five weeks starting on November 13th and I would love, love, love to see you in there. That add on for group coaching is only 47 and that's the lowest price I've ever offered coaching for and I'm so excited to make it accessible to many more of you than ever before. I love you so much. These holidays can be amazing. Decide who you are and exactly what you do want. Oh my sweet friend. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode of the momset podcast. Please take a minute to leave a review and share the show. If you loved it, I'D love to stay connected as we continue to learn and grow in motherhood right alongside each other.