87. Do This Writing Exercise To Calm Your Mind and Gain Clarity

Welcome to the momset podcast, my friend. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and as a woman of God, an adoring wife, and a mother of three darling boys, I am passionate about giving you the tools you need to build a mindset skill set that enriches your experience through motherhood and daily life. I've had my fair share of challenges and hardship throughout my life, and that is exactly how I came to this place of finding purpose to my pain and helping you do the same. I know we can thrive right where we are at and it's time for us to take back motherhood by being the mommy that we want to be right right now. Thank you for being here and making this a wonderful place for me to show up alongside you. Happy Happy New Year, my sweet friend. I'm so excited that we get to go through 2024 together. And wouldn't you know it, we get to start it out on a Monday. How could we even ask for better than that? That a whole new year starts on a Monday? That's freaking firing me up now. I will say that it has not been smooth sailing. Easy peasy. Here's the perfect circumstances to begin year with. All three of my boys are sick. I had a combination of everything they had. Unfortunately, I'm moving through it rather quickly and gosh, they've just, oh, those poor things. They've been throwing up and they have sore throats and their stomachs hurts so bad. They're up literally so much at night. I don't look at the clock. That's like my little trick for myself. I do not look at the clock. When my kids wake up at night, I would not be able to tell you the exact time that they wake up because I don't look on purpose. I don't want to be able to tell you what time they woke up or how long they were up for, how long I was up for. I don't need to know that information. No, thank you. I do not. My mind does not need that as a weapon against me the next day. So I personally choose not to look at the clock. And even without looking at the clock, I would estimate that they have been awake approximately like once an hour between the three of them. Just between them asking me, can you rub my stomach for me? And heating up the heating pack so that I can put it on their tummy for them throwing up in the hallway and their attempt to get somewhere. It's been. It has been a lot, this bug going through my home. And I just know that starting a Whole new year this way. It gave me this perspective of I can do really hard things really well. And I'm coming into 2024 with that because I know that there are a lot of circumstances outside of my control, outside of your control. And the more we can keep our mind focused on what is in our control, we don't control what's given to us. We control what we do about it, how we show up to it, who we believe we are. And that's what I want this podcast episode to be about and help you with, is understanding more of who you really are. That way, when you are presented with hard circumstances, which you are going to be, you can look at it as, I'm someone that does hard things really freaking well. Really well. So well that I find ease and I find grace and I find this elegant way to move through them where it just doesn't. It doesn't even feel hard anymore. Like, how nice would that be if some of the hard things that went on in 2023 happened again in 2024? Because they're going to some of them, and we noticed that we were handling them differently. That's what I want for you. I don't want you to continue focusing on circumstances changing before you can. Meaning your kids have to stop whining that way or talking to you that way or waking up in the middle of the night or asking for those things or behaving this way. They have to stop doing all those things before you can change. That's just not true. It's not true. We do that when we lack vision of who we really are and clarity of who it is that we're becoming. So what I want this podcast episode to be about, is your vision really getting a little bit more clear on who it is that you believe you are in the first place. Because I'll freaking tell you. Who you believe you are is why you do what you do. It's why you show up this way with these beliefs and these tendencies and these patterns and behaviors, and it all boils down to who you believe you are. And that's been developed over your lifetime. And let me tell you, there are some stale, stale emotions just still swarming around within you because they've never had the opportunity to be released. And you're still battling some past experiences that you've never had the opportunity to understand. So that work needs to be done as well. And what makes doing that work so much easier for releasing those stale emotions that have been whirling around for years and overcoming your Past circumstances that once held you back, and releasing these narratives about yourself and your life and what you're capable of and these limitations that you've put on yourself. Being able to do all that is going to come from a new vision for yourself, new clarity in who it is that you are. So that's what we're gonna do together on this episode. Are you ready? You're gonna need a pen and piece of paper, so get that out for me. Just a blank piece of paper and whatever pen you like best. Okay, you've got your pen and piece of paper. Let's talk about what this writing exercise is going to do for you, what we're here to accomplish. When we're writing about vision, what we're doing is being able to think. Think about what we really want, create that clear focus of what it is that we want. Even if we don't know how it's gonna happen, even if we don't know how we're gonna heal our childhood trauma, even if we don't know how we're gonna release those emotions, even if we don't know how we're gonna build those friendships or enrich our marriage or show up as the mother we wanna be. Even if you don't know how you're gonna do those things, you're still clear on what it is that you want. That is vision. So if you look up the definition, it's the ability to think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom. And I like to refer to it as. It's a clear focus on what you do want. That's vision. So as we are coming into this new year, I want you creating what you do want instead of what you don't want. We are done with this perspective, this constant nagging mindset of what we don't want. I don't want my kids to fight. I don't want to argue with my spouse. I don't want to let that food go bad in the fridge. I don't want to go over our budget. I don't want to. To lose my job. I don't want to find a new job. I don't want the stress of this, the pressure of this, the exhaustion of this. I don't want this feeling of overwhelm. We have conditioned our mind to be so proficient in just emphasizing everything we don't want, everything we don't want, and it becomes our focus. And what's so ironic about that is the more you focus on what you don't want, the more likely you are to Create it. It doesn't stop it from happening. It actually. It's more likely to make it happen if you've been focusing on what you don't want. I don't want to stay up late. I don't want to miss this workout. I don't want to miss that call, miss that text. I don't want to procrastinate. Well, until you tell your mind what you do want, you're going to battle what you don't want, because it's getting all of your attention and focus. So this writing exercise is all about vision. I am going to guide you through getting crystal clear on what it is that you do want, because that is essential for being able to bring it to life and create it. In 2024, I want you crystal clear on who you do want to be. Okay? So in the center of your paper, you have this blank piece of paper. In the center of your paper, I just want you to write out these three words, okay? Three magic little words. The best me. The best me. Write that in the center of your paper and draw a circle around it. Okay? So that is our focus. That's going to stay at the center of our attention as we build and grow upon it. You're going to keep the best me at the focus and center. So you're going to draw that circle and leave plenty of space around it, because that's what we're doing. We're filling the space of with what it means. What does it look like for you to be the best version of yourself if you don't know who that is? If you don't know what it means to be the best version of yourself, how are you going to do it? How are you going to know when you're doing it? Isn't that kind of exciting to think about? Like, wow, maybe all this time I've been saying, I just want to be the best version of myself. And if you haven't been able to clearly describe and express what that means, what that looks like, and what that feels like, if you can't describe it, how do you know? Even if you're doing it already or not, how do you know the next step to take? So this writing exercise is going to give you a ton of clarity and direction. So you have the best me written at the middle center of your page with a nice circle around it, because that is our focus. Now what we're going to do is draw inspiration from the best me, and you're going to go around the circle and write bullet points all about who the best you is. So I have some inspiration I'm going to provide for you here to get you started and help you take this exercise to a deeper level for you. Now, just because I'm providing the inspiration does not mean that it's a limitation by any means. I'm just here to spark your creativity, my friend. It's going to be fun. So as you're keeping the focus on the best me, I want you to think about what does the best you do, what does the best you do, and whatever comes to mind. The best me does this, whatever that is, I want you to write it down just like bullet points all over your page around that center focus of the best me. So you have the best me at the middle, the center of it, and then all around it. You're just going to be making these bullet points everywhere. Fill the page with inspiration, fill the page with clarity and direction and the details of what that specific focus means to you so that you can actually start doing it. So some examples of what the best you may be doing. And again, this does not have to be on your page. I'm just here to get those creative juices flowing, help you see something that you do potentially want. Maybe the best you is really good at observing the world. She walks with purpose. She carries positive conversations. She cooks meals from scratch. She enjoys learning. She has fun trying. She, she keeps a cleaning routine. I want you just focused on really think about what does the best you do. You're welcome to pause this episode. Spend some more time here. I'm going to continue going through some lists of inspiration as we continue this episode together. The next thing I want you questioning is how does the best you feel feel? How would you describe the way the best you feels on a daily basis? Does she feel confident, capable? Does she feel admired? How about elated and cherished? Ooh, I love that word, cherished. Does she feel able to move freely? Does she feel without limitations? Does she feel developed to a, devoted to a purpose, grateful for the day, confident in any room, free from her past and abundant? Think about how the best you feels really put the details out there so you know what it is that you're striving for in the first place. Now, what friendships does she have? What friendships does the best you have? Hmm. The friendships are magnets for positive, enthusiastic women. You have a running group of your friends. You have a fun book club. You have friends that FaceTime regularly, friends that are encouraging and they're inspiring waymakers. What types of friendships does she have next who inspires you. I want you to write out names or descriptions of who it is that the best you is inspired by. Some examples might be Jesus. Jesus inspires me every day. I'm like, freaking lead with kindness. We lead with service. Like, the son of God came here and he was literally the servant to all. And that. That personally inspires me. So Jesus may inspire you. Maybe there's a specific book character. One of my favorite books is what Alice forgot. And Alice in that book inspires me so I could write Alice. Women sharing authentically. Do you know of women in your life? Or maybe on social media or a favorite podcast you listen to that you just really believe. Wow. They share authentically. Write their name down. Fearless dreamers may inspire you. Children, oh, man. Children inspire me. Like, no, they're right up there with Jesus with inspiring me. Mothers that have gone before me. Childhood could inspire you. Neighbors could inspire you. Now think about the best you and what hobbies does she have? What does she enjoy to do? What are her hobbies? Some examples might be running, knitting, pottery, reading, sourdough gardening, hiking, painting, writing, storytelling, building. What hobbies does she have? How does she work with her hands? What does she do that's creative? And remember, you're just bull putting this all over your paper. Right? Whatever inspiration comes to you when you envision the best you, your answers can be very, very different than mine. And that's great. Now I want you to describe the health of the best you, the best you has. What kind of health? Some examples might be, it's easy to carry my kids. It's fun to compete with my spouse. I sign up for challenges. I beat my own times. I lift heavier weights. I feel free in my clothes. I crave whole foods, man. Does that say something about our health? Just the type of foods we crave. I examine that often with myself. Maybe with your health, it's hydration and rest. You're well rested. Just describe the health of the best you. And when you're ready, I want you to now bullet point out, how do you treat your spouse? How does the best you treat her spouse? I don't see how our mind just, like instantly wants to go to this place of like, oh, man, But I haven't been doing that. I've been doing these other things. Focus on what you do want. Focus on how you do want to treat your spouse. That's where the focus is going. Right here we have laser focus around that circle. That circle in the middle. The best me laser focus there. So how does the best you treat her spouse Some examples to inspire you might be eager to engage. Maybe it's you remain interested. You're flirty, you're adoring, you're thoughtful. Above and beyond could be a way to describe it. Love notes, long hugs, holding hands, special meals. What can you what can you envision the best you doing as you treat your spouse and show up for your spouse? Next one what does she do with her kids? What does the best you do with her kids? Some examples might look like Laughing runs, playing a game builds a fort Family walks, movie nights, eye contact, frequent hugs, invitations to join me Family pictures. I compliment them. I encourage reassuring. Just bullet point out the best you what does she do with her kids? Next how does she start her day? If you are 100% the best you, how would you start your day? Some examples Remember just bullpoating around the circle, journaling movement, sweating water, gratitude, cold plunge shower, favorite clothes, pretty style, fresh makeup, filling breakfast, vitamins how does the best you start her day? My last question Piece of info, piece of inspiration for you and you're welcome to continue going on past this. My last one is what is her favorite bedtime routine? If you're truly 100% the best you, what bedtime routine does she have? Examples might include a shower lotion, a skincare routine, comfy PJs, reading, chatting with your spouse, stretching, sitting outside, the phone is away and bed when you're feeling tired, dim lights. What's that favorite bedtime routine that the best you has? It feels so good. It feels so inspiring to focus on what we do want because all of a sudden we're focused on possibility. And when you realize really anything is possible for you, anything is possible, the only limits you have are the ones you put on yourself. So who says you can't have that bedtime routine? Or the way you start the day, the way that you are with your kids or treat your spouse, the health that you have, the hobbies that you feel like all the best you would have. Why can't you have those? Why not you? The only reason why it hasn't been you yet is because it hasn't been the focus. And that's why we did this writing exercise together, so you can get clear and focused on who the best you even is. Because if you can't describe her to me, how on earth are you going to be her? How are you going to even know when you are her? How are you going to feel that sense of accomplishment and fulfillment and purpose and this mission that you're fulfilling if you don't even know what it is. So take this writing exercise seriously. Writing is a wonderful way to tap into your mind and just put great direction in that space, sense of peace and stillness within you. I write every single day. I do alignment, journaling, and I'm telling you, it is just the best way that I keep my mind focused, focused on what I do want, who I do want to be, how I do want to feel, what I do want to accomplish. Um, all of it. It's. It's really amazing at helping you see new perspectives too. So give this writing exercise a try. And remember, you can be whoever it is that you want to be. You just first have to be able to say who she is. So focus on the best you and I'm really excited for what 2024 has to offer us, what it has in store for us, what we're going to be learning this year through trials, challenges, obstacles, and all the growth that comes with it. I love you dearly. I am so proud of you for being here, starting your New Year's out with me, and I'm grateful that we get to do this together. I'll talk to you real soon. My sweet friend. Oh, my sweet friend. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode of the momset podcast. Please take a minute to leave a review and share the show. If you loved it, I'd love Stay connected as we continue to learn and grow in motherhood right alongside each other.