9. Some Balls Can Bounce and Releasing Control

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to help teach you all the skills, tools, and encouragement that you need to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be, while going through a healing journey that allows you to build a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get started. Oh, my friend, I'm so glad that you're here. Hello. Hello and welcome. Today we're talking about two concepts that I know are going to serve you tremendously, because I can't even tell you how much they've helped me in this past week alone. I don't know if you guys noticed, but I actually missed last week's podcast episode. And there is just one thing that's been going through my mind that helps me so much through that so that I'm not falling into perfectionism and all or nothing mentality, which is easy to slip into, especially around the holiday season where we put so much on our own plates. And then the second thing that we're going to talk about is just going to give you a lot of freedom going into 2022, because it is quickly approaching and this desert, like this New Year, you deserve to finally grow into who you want to be. You deserve to finally start showing up for yourself. And the second thing that I'm going to talk about with you is going to help you do that tremendously. So first I didn't post the podcast episode. I mean, I didn't even record one, so obviously didn't post one. But it was really bothering me at first. And I was laying in bed, it was Tuesday night, about 11 o'. Clock. I opened my eyes and I tell Marcus, oh, my gosh, I didn't record a podcast episode. And then I was racking my mind. I'm like, okay, well, what am I going to do? Because I never want to stay with, like, a negative thought pattern, especially about myself. Like, of course I did this. And of course this is something I just let slide and I let go because I never do the things that I say I'm going to do. And I can't stay committed to anything. I mean, your mind can really make up some hurtful stories about you as soon as one little thing slips, right? And that's why mindset is so important. But not just mindset, the idea of being your own best friend. Would you, I mean, think about the way you talk to yourself. Would you ever talk to your best friend that way? No, of course not. So why do we do it to ourselves? Now I'm laying in bed and I tell Marcus that. He's like, oh, well, what are you gonna do? I was like, well, gosh, I guess I could wake up early tomorrow morning and try and film one, which I already was counting out in my mind because my boys haven't been sleeping the night, and Liam's been climbing into my bed every night since May. So the idea of waking up and trying to film it with or record it, that would wake him up. Like, that option's just out. And then I thought, well, maybe I could just film it tomorrow and post it on Thursday, which is a very valid option. But, you know, I just didn't want to. Like, I could feel it in me that between running my master classes, the launch of the enrollment for my coaching program, working with my current clients, and the holidays, I didn't want to. And that's okay. And that brings me to what I'm going to talk to you guys about and what I just kept telling myself and repeating in my mind to condition my mind to understand. I don't have to do this. I don't have to. And I'm still consistent. I cannot post a podcast this week. And I'm still devoted and I'm still dedicated. It's still who I am. So this concept, I want you to imagine that you have glass and rubber balls that you are juggling in your hands. And all of these balls are going to be commitments and roles in your life. So things that you have picked up and prioritized to be important to you. So roles can sound like motherhood, being a wife, your career, daughter, sister, whatever role you're in that you just really value in your life. Okay, that would be a ball. And other balls can be the commitments that we've made. So let's talk about maybe you signed up for an activity at your kids school, a church commitment, and you told a friend that you would do something for them. Or you have business obligations like a podcast, Instagram posting reels. I mean, any of that, any of that, any type of commitment, those are going to be balls, too. But there's a difference in these balls that I want you to understand. And this visual can help you shift your mindset tremendously. Some balls can bounce, others cannot. So when I think about, I'm still consistent, I'm still committed. Well, my podcast is a rubber ball. It can bounce. Social media is a rubber ball. It can bounce. And this is what saves me from the stress of, oh, my gosh, I'm taking Sunday off social media. Everything's gonna be ruined. Well, no. Some balls can bounce, let it bounce. And I just tell myself that affirmation. Some balls can bounce, let it bounce. And I just repeat that over and over. So on Tuesday night, it turned into, you know, some balls can bounce, let it bounce. And that felt so good. It felt so empowering. I wasn't saying, well, I don't want to, so I'm just not going to. And then guilting myself about it later. It was just the intentional choice of, you know, I know I don't want to do this, and it makes sense that I don't want to do this. And I'm still everything that I want to be in my life. This ball is just going to bounce, and I still have it. It's still here. But when you're juggling, juggling, juggling, how many roles and commitments can you take on realistically and keep them all up in the air? I mean, it's. It's just not realistic. So sometimes a ball has to just drop and bounce and it's going to be okay. And you consider the other balls that are glass, Those are the ones that we don't want to drop. Why? Why would you not want to drop a glass ball? Well, it will shatter, right? The consequences of dropping a glass ball are devastating, whereas dropping a rubber ball, I mean, it just bounces like it's supposed to. It's, like, almost fun to watch. It becomes very empowering. We kind of like it. But a glass ball and watching it shatter and all of your hard work just, like, crumble to pieces. This is where I want you to consider motherhood, your marriage, like, things like my. My career would honestly be a glass ball to me. My podcast is not, but my career itself is. It's something that I'm not going to let it shatter. I'm not going to let my motherhood shatter. My roles of wife shatter. I'm not going to drop those balls, right? And if I ever find myself kind of slipping with them, losing my grip, noticing, wow, I'm not in a good rhythm here. I haven't dropped the ball. It's not shattered. I still have it. I can start paying more attention to my husband and my marriage. I can start being more present and attentive to my kids. I can start pouring more into my business and my clients. You don't have to just, like, assume that right when you feel you're losing your grip that the Ball's already shattered. Well, no, it's not. It's still there. And the fact that you're noticing, hey, something doesn't feel right here. I'm feeling a little bit out of control. I don't like this rhythm. The fact that you're noticing that you're more empowered to change it. Okay, so I hope this visual is helping you with your mindset. Just to consider, especially around the holidays, especially coming into the new, this new year, what balls can bounce and which ones do you just really hold close to your heart and you are just prioritizing that good rhythm of keeping them in the air. It's okay to just have three. For me, being a wife, being a mother, and being a coach, those are my three glass balls. Can I juggle more? Yeah, And I do. And I think I do a great job doing so. But guess what? When I don't post an episode for the podcast or a reel that day, or respond to as many question and answer mindset swaps on my story that I intended to, it's a ball that can bounce, and I can feel really good about it and so can you. So think about the balls that can bounce in your life and how much fun could it be to just sometimes watch them bounce like they're meant to? Okay, so that's the first thing that I wanted to talk about tonight, today, whenever you're listening to this. And the second thing that I really wanted us to be able to dive into is the idea of control. I want you to think about how much of your life has become extremely stressful, overwhelming, exhausting, anxiety ridden, and just defeating to you because of the idea of control. Probably a lot of different areas. And I ran five masterclasses this past week. And in the masterclass, I was teaching how to change your mindset no matter the circumstances. And it was so much fun connecting with you guys there. If you were able to join a masterclass. And in the masterclass, the first principle that I was talking about was control. And it's what do you control? And in the chat, this is what made the math class so fun, is there was. There was a live chat so we could, like talk together. It was such a blast. But getting that feedback of, oh my gosh, I just feel so exhausted, I feel so overwhelmed, I feel so defeated and depleted because I'm trying to control all of these things and I'm trying to keep everyone happy and I'm trying to meet everyone's needs and do XYZ and. And what's interesting is we don't control our circumstances yet we pour so much energy into trying to control them. And why do we do that? Why do you pour so much energy into trying to control people and circumstances that just aren't in your control? Why do you do that? You want to know what I think as your coach? I think, and I know this to be certain for myself, which is why through my own self discovery and healing, I've been able to make this connection. I think we do it because we lack trust in ourselves. We lack the trust that says, you know, all I need to do is control what I think, say and do. And then I know that I will handle any circumstance that comes my way. I'm not going to fear my life. I'm not going to shrink myself. I'm just going to trust that I can handle anything. I can do it. I'm going to trust that. And then I don't have to control the people and the things in my life to make sure that they stay in this small little circle of what I believe I can handle. And how exhausting does that feel? But ask yourself again, why is it exhausting? Okay, so we know, like we're lacking trust within ourselves, which is a whole other ball game, right? But why does it feel so exhausting to control everything and everyone? Is it because you're not making progress? Is it because there's just so much and there's so many little details? Well, honestly, it's because you're not meant to control other things and other people. You, you were never designed to do that. So when we spend our whole lives trying to do that every single day, how do you think you're going to feel? Of course you're going to feel exhausted and depleted and defeated and angry and irritable and restless because you aren't just doing what you're made to do. Controlling what you think, say and do, Trusting your abilities to handle any circumstance that comes your way. Because you have everything that you need. Everything that you need is already inside of you. Just to control what you think, say and do, to be proud of the way that you show up, to say things that align with who you want to be, to do things that align with who you want to be, to think things that empower you to become who you want to be and support that image of yourself. That's all you need. I mean, think about any circumstance that can happen in your life. Whatever you think of is out of your control. It's just. Let's just accept that right now. It's out of Your control. But what you do about it, what you think about it, what you say about it, is in your control. And that's such a powerful thing to remember. You don't need to control your circumstances and the people in your life. You're not responsible for making everyone happy and keeping them in good moods and keeping them happy. Let them learn for themselves how to make themselves happy. That's a skill that they need for themselves. If you try to do it for them and they establish a belief, which would be a limiting belief, a very negative belief, that they don't know how to make themselves happy and they need you to do it, well, that's going to be terrible for both of you, right? So learn how to make yourself happy. Be responsible for your own happiness and let that radiate onto other people so they can feel inspired to make themselves happy. And when we pour our energy back into ourselves, it's not selfish, it's selfless. Because you become the most generous, the most kind, the most empathetic version of yourself. And what would the world look like if we were all the most generous, kind, and empathetic versions of ourselves? I'm not saying I'm perfect at this, because I'm for sure still working on it, but. But it always just inspires me, like, hey, Tess, don't worry about them. How about you just be the most generous version of yourself right now? Don't create a story of what they could and what they should do. No, especially with the people that you're most comfortable with. It's so easy to do that. Don't do that. Control yourself. Control what you think about these people that are doing the best they can. I still have to work on this, especially, again with the people I'm most comfortable with and myself. And it's okay to say that you're still working on it, but when you understand that you only control what you think, say and do, you lift the burden. That's what it is. It's a. It's a mental and emotional burden that you're experiencing. And when you understand that you don't control those things, you lift it. And then you're able to just see clearly. You. You clear your mind and you have this peace and enlightenment and inspiration that comes on you to say, wow, I feel so much better. How can I contribute? How can I help? What am I capable of? And you're going to have a much easier time building that positive growth mindset that you desire. So what helped me this week with understanding what I do? And don't control. Just keeping this principle in mind. Yes. And understanding. Like, some balls can bounce. And I have the freedom to decide what. What I want to bounce and what I really want to prioritize and just. I don't need to control the people in my life. And for me personally, I have, like, the hardest time with my mindset when we are going to be spending time with family. And I grew up with a dysfunctional family. My husband has an extremely healthy family and family dynamic. So it's interesting how much that can trigger me. Even though these are great people, they're doing great things, they're extremely selfless people. And it can trigger me so much. Not because there's anything wrong with them, but because my perspective of them, because of everything that I've been through in my life is terrible. It's negative. And then it's. It's triggering me. And that deeper part of self discovery says, well, I didn't have this and why is it fair? And they don't know what it's like. They don't know what I've been through. Okay, yeah, sure, they don't know what it's like and they don't know what I've been through, but I'm not in that anymore. And it's my job to heal it. It's not their job to understand it and pity me and encourage my victim mentality. Right. That's not their job. So when I'm able to check my own mindset when it comes to us, like spending time with family, especially around the holidays, I have a much easier time. I don't need to control anyone else. What I can do is accept other people for who they are. Right. So I can be who I want to be when I see my own family, when I see my in laws, when I see friends, when I see anybody. And I know this resonates with so many and that's why I wanted to share it. Because when we fight it and we become restless and resentful and just angry and irritable, what happens? I mean, yeah, I can. I guess it can really, like, put a damper on other people's energies and moods in their day, but they're gonna, like, have the day that they want to have regardless. So what it's really doing is ruining your holiday. It's ruining your day. And we'll say, well, they did this and it ruined my day. Well, no, they did that and you ruined your own day because you didn't allow yourself to just let them live with their consequences. You didn't allow yourself to do something that served you when that happened, to step away, to create healthy space, to not feel responsible for what other people are doing. You didn't allow yourself to do that, probably because, again, we're focusing on controlling other people, but we don't control other people. So. And you've never had control of other people. That's like one of the comments I always get back when I talk about control is it just sounds so hard to like, release control. How do I let go of control? My friend, it's quite easy to let go of control because all you have to realize is you've never had control. You've had an idea of control. You had this idea, this thought that you attached to and formed a belief that you control how other people feel. You control what other people think about themselves. I mean, really think about it. You could walk up to a stranger and say, oh my God, I hate your coat. Why would you pick that? You must have no sense of style. I mean, gosh, that's like a. I hope he would never say that. But it was just the example that came to my mind. So anyway, you can walk up to a stranger and say that. Now, just because you said that, does that mean they're going to hate their coat now? No. What if it's their favorite coat and it's like, so sentimental to them and they love it? Is your petty little comment going to change the way that they think and feel about their coat? No. What are they going to say? I mean, I certainly hope that it wouldn't. It might for some people, but you don't control that part. If they have an insecurity, then it grows out of that. But it. I mean, they're responsible for their own insecurity. So still, you didn't do that. You didn't control that how someone feels. And what I hope they would do is just look at you and say, who walks up to somebody and just finds the need to share what could be a hurtful comment? Did that need to be said? Oh, my gosh, that would feel so good to just hear someone say back to somebody. If I could witness that, my whole day would be made. I'd be like, the world is off to a good start. That's how I would feel. And I hope that that's how you handle judgment and criticism, too. What kind of people are judging you and criticizing you for your parenting, for the way you host for the holidays, for the. How you host your Christmas and what you're doing? What kind of people are judging and criticizing you judgmental people. And let's talk about judgmental people. What are they going through? Probably a lot of their own insecurity and hurt, right? I'm pretty sure happy, healthy people that have an abundance mentality with a growth mindset are, are not going around judging other people and criticizing them for what they're doing. Why? Because they're focusing on controlling themselves. And we can all do that. You can do that. And if you're having a hard time doing that, I hope my podcast serves you. Truly, I do. I hope that every free piece of content that I put out through my email list, through this podcast, through my Instagram, serves you 100%. But if you need some deeper help when it comes to understanding who you are, why you think, the way that you do about yourself, and just through your mindset in general, all the predictions that you make, that's coming from your past experiences. So do you struggle with difficult past experiences, traumatizing past experiences? Do you carry shame from what you've done or what's happened to you? All of that is going to influence your mindset. Don't think it does it. You don't just get to push all that hardship down and pretend like it doesn't affect you. The more you push it down, the more it affects you 100%. And then you start to identify with those pieces and then you become those pieces. I hope that makes sense. So in my coaching program, when I'm able to walk you through your experiences and why you do what you do and why you believe these things about yourself in the first place through your mindset and your identity. And what if you allowed yourself to finally resolve your shame? What if you finally gave yourself permission to fully, I mean fully, forgive yourself and love yourself? What if that was your story? How would you show up each day if you knew exactly who you were? How would you feel each day if you had a mindset that supported you? Nothing changed. Nothing changed circumstance wise, but you just built a mindset that supports you. How would you show up? How would you feel? A lot better, right? So stop waiting for all of your circumstances to change before you start taking ownership of who you are and what you're doing. You have the power right now, right now, with or without my coaching program, to change your entire life by focusing on why you do what you do and then healing the parts that you discover you can do that. And if you need help with that, I have a whole roadmap for you. 12 weeks with me, my friend. And I promise you, you're gonna know who you are and you're gonna have the skills and tools that you need to be who you want to be with a mindset that supports you. I promise I'll give you your money back. I promise. And if you're still on the fence about it, you click the link that I put in the show notes before so you can get all of your questions answered. You can see how the video modules work and the seven modules that we go through and the lessons and the PDF support material and the private student community that I coach further through. Like, you can look at all of that. I have it all spelled out, all laid out for you. But I just want you to know it's something you can do. It's something that you can do and give to yourself. You deserve it. You deserve it so much. And I used to really wish that when I was like in the thick of my own self discovery and healing, I used to wish that someone could just give me the answers. In fact, I was debating on tonight's episode of filming to be about the last time that I went to therapy. And this was a time in my life that I was so desperate to just figure it out, to just finally freaking heal that I sat on the therapist couch. The first thing that I said to her, her name was Chelsea. The first thing I said to her was she, I think she said like, so what brought you here? What's going on? Or something. And I was like, honestly, I just need you to teach me how to forgive people, because I can't. That's what I said. I will tell you right now that Chelsea did not teach me how to forgive people and she didn't give me some clear cut roadmap. She did help me definitely understand myself better and why a little bit of why I do what I do, but also why other people in my life were doing what they do. And she gave me some really good resources like Brene Brown to start reading in there. And that's when my mind was finally able to open and make deeper connections, was because I sought out more resources. I like forced my mind to get to that uncomfortable place of saying, oh crap, maybe I am wrong. And I used to say like, oh my gosh, I wish someone could just like tell me. And at that point, like I said, I was so desperate to figure it out. If she would have told me exactly the steps to follow to forgive someone, I would have listened. And I don't think there are exact steps to follow when forgiving. I think there's like definitely Roadmaps that are helpful, but you have to take the skills and tools and apply it to your life so that it is effective and sustainable to you. But I'm telling you right now that if I did find a program like this to walk me through it, I would have never created my own course. So right now, yeah, I'm grateful that I didn't have access to something like this when I was in the thick of things and that it had to take me years to figure it out instead of 12 weeks, because it set me up for, like, a whole new opportunity. And I feel like that's something only really the universe can cultivate for me to say, like, oh, no, you're gonna go through all this so that you can figure it out and then help other people, and it's gonna be this huge, like, purpose and calling in your life. And now I'm like, oh, I get it. But. But I can understand right now when you're going through this. If you're just like, I don't get it, why am I going through this? Just trust. Trust yourself. Trust yourself that whatever you learn from this, whatever wisdom comes to you, will be worth it. You will be so grateful. But you have to push yourself past the point of comfort to become uncomfortable enough to grow. Growth is uncomfortable. Mentally and physically, spiritually and emotionally, it's uncomfortable. But think about a muscle being worked that feels uncomfortable. When you're working your mind, that's going to feel uncomfortable. Right? When you work a muscle, it's uncomfortable. When you work your mind, it's uncomfortable. When you're expanding your emotions and mental capacity, it's going to feel uncomfortable. And then it gets easier. So if you need the roadmap, if you need the additional support, if you are just so ready to take on these big changes and learn the skills and tools that I'm teaching you through identity, mindset, shame, lifestyle, self love, self forgiveness, boundaries, journaling. If you're ready for this new breath of life to come to you, you have until December 23rd to enroll. Coaching together begins on January 3rd, and I would absolutely love to see you there. I want this for you. And I cannot imagine myself laying this out in a better format. It's taken me three years to get my course to this point, to these video modules, to this platform, to the PDF support material, to the online coaching community. I mean, everything. Three years. And it was worth every single second, Every single second because of how much I know it serves you. Absolutely. So if you're ready for that again, the enrollment link is in the notes just below here so you can find it there. Click it. You'll get all of your questions answered and you will have immediate access to your own coaching account membership account. All of your content will be loaded there one week at a time beginning January 3rd. But you'll have a bonus. My bonus mindset module will be loaded to your account immediately. And my 15 week workout guide. So you get my 15ft. My 15 week workout guide to start exercising consistently now from home, 20 to 40 minutes, you've got this. And you'll also get my bonus mindset module. So you can start changing your mindset literally right now if you have this big hold up in your mindset, a limiting belief, anything like that that's keeping you from just enjoying your Christmas. Oh my gosh, you could totally resolve that before Christmas day. If you have some limiting beliefs about the new year and what you're capable of doing, you can resolve that before the new year because you have the bonus mindset module. But the reason why I created the bonus mindset module is because I wanted everyone to be able to focus on the like those bigger limiting beliefs that we know are very present to us before we go through all the deeper work of self discovery and healing. It's nice to go into a program with a mindset that says I'm excited to figure this out. I can do this. This is going to be so awesome for me to learn. It's going to be so great for you to have that. And the bonus mindset module will teach you that. And then you'll have 12 weeks of the private student community coaching with me and my assistant Katie who's going to help me run it. And it's going to be amazing and I hope to see you there. And you have two options for payment. You can choose to do my one time payment of 1297 and that gives you lifetime access to my course full coaching with me for 12 weeks and it's only 1297. I mean look up other coaching programs. They charge 1297 for four weeks. Like I don't know if you guys have seen them, but they're out there. So this is seriously so incredible that you're getting all of this for 12 full weeks for only 1297. And if you're on a tight budget and you're trying to make it work in your budget, I have a payment plan option as well. For $125 a month you can have full access to the program. Keep it for life. And it's a 12 month payment plan for $125 a month. So you pay just a little bit more, but you're able to do very small payments each month and you can make it work for you. So this is the lowest I've ever offered my coaching program at the monthly rate, and I want it to serve you. I want it to be the most accessible option. So I hope this works for you. I hope it serves you and I hope to see you inside the course. I hope so that we can finally figure this out. Let's resolve the past so you can start living in the present and stop worrying about the future. All of your future predictions are made based off of your past experiences. So if you don't heal the past, you're going to continue making hurtful and negative predictions about the future. I know this is. I know this is clicking for you. You're doing a great job. And remember, no matter what, I always want to serve you. That's why I'm here. That's why the podcast is here. That's why I post my reels. That's why I do the mindset swaps on my Instagram story. I do. Because I want to help you. Regardless if you ever do my coaching program, I want to serve you. I want to be that friend to you. Regardless if you ever do the program. I want to be that for you. Okay, so let's continue working together. Show up here next week for another episode. The ball's not going to bounce next week, but when it ever needs to, just know. That's my mindset. Some balls can bounce. Let it bounce. It's all right. And here I am just the next week posting another episode for you. And you can apply the same mentality to your life, too. Mindset matters, my friends. You're doing a great job and I will see you soon. I hope you have a fabulous Christmas and a wonderful new year going into2022. I love you bunches.