93. Expecting My Fourth Baby & 3 Perspectives That Help Me

Welcome to the momset podcast, my friend. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and as a woman of God, an adoring wife, and a mother of three darling boys, I am passionate about giving you the tools you need to build a mindset skill set that enriches your experience through motherhood and daily life. I've had my fair share of challenges and hardship throughout my life, and that is exactly how I came to this place of finding purpose to my pain and helping you do the same. I know we can thrive right where we are at, and it's time for us to take back motherhood by being the mommy that we want to be right right now. Thank you for being here and making this a wonderful place for me to show up alongside you. Oh, do I have news? Do I have news Today you read the title. That's right. We are expecting our fourth baby on the way. And I've kept this news so close to my chest. We have told family and a few close friends, and I've waited over twice as long to announce it this time around than with any of my others. And it was just a really cool experience to have this amazing thing happening in my life that I got to just literally experience all day long because I'm pregnant and. And I know this is happening and just keep it, like, keep it for me, keep it for my family, talk about it with a couple of friends and not make it. This point of something that I'm using to try and help and serve others. Like, I've just been really cherishing it and now I'm ready to use it as something that can help and serve others. Because with pregnancy comes a tremendous amount of mindset. And I just wanted to have a little bit of time to do it for myself, do it for my family before I knew I would open up and do it for you, too. So. So we are expecting our fourth. I'll share some more details here that I haven't shared yet, like on social media, like when I'm due. Haven't shared any of that. So let's talk about some personal stuff and then we will get into the mindset behind pregnancy. And just some things that really help me is what you can take out of this episode and why I think mindset is so cool during pregnancy. So for starters, I. I am expecting our fourth baby to come in July and gosh, that already seems like it's literally around the corner. So it's crazy. Gosh, just crazy. This baby's very much planned for us. I have always imagined having four Four kids, and I would be thrilled to have more. I think we might be reaching our parenting capacity, though, so I'm grateful. So grateful that we get to have four. And I would be thrilled with a boy. I would be thrilled with a girl. Marcus, my husband, actually gets to choose this time because with our first two, we found out the gender. With our third, I really, really, really wanted a surprise, and my husband really, really, really did not want to wait to find out the gender. And I won that one. He gave me the. He gave me the W on that one. So I was like, okay, next baby. If we have another, you can choose. Well, the time has come. It's time to keep my word. He gets to choose. I would truly love to do another surprise, and I honestly love that I have the opportunity as a wife to just honor my word, do what he really wants to do, and. And thrive there. Because I feel like if you get to find out before you have the baby, great. And if you find out when you have the baby, great. Like, it just sounds like a win. Win either way. So Marcus does get to choose. We have our one and only ultrasound in five days. So I told him that I will still only be doing one ultrasound. This was my compromise. We're only going to do the one ultrasound, and that's like, the full scan. Make sure, like, fluids, baby, everything's good. And I told him if we are going to find out the gender, we will be using that ultrasound to do it. So it gave him a little bit more time to think it over, which I was thrilled about. And, yeah, the time has come. It's come in five. Five days now, and he's gonna have to choose. And I feel like I'm actually going to be very, very supportive, which just feels good, you know, when you're, you know, in that position as a wife to honor what your husband really wants, and it might look very different than what you want, and you're still able to see it as a win and something you can get behind. Ah, it just feels so good. So, yeah, we have the ultrasound, and then if he wants to find out, we will. We will plan it from there. You just need to get the information at that ultrasound. Um. Gosh. What else? What else? Yeah, so I'm about. Oh, my gosh. I'm 18 weeks today. 18 weeks today. Fun fact. In our pictures, we took the cutest family pictures to announce. To announce this pregnancy. And in those pictures, I didn't have ultrasound pictures of this baby yet. And I wanted an unmistakable pregnancy announcement because you Know how sometimes you can like go to make this big announcement and then it gets missed. I just wanted it to be so obvious that I can like pin it to my profile. Whoever comes can just know that I'm pregnant because I'm holding up some ultrasound pictures and I didn't have those ultrasound pictures yet. So I actually used ultrasound pictures from my first son's 35 week ultrasound that we did. Those were the only ones that I could find. I was like, well, these will do. So. So it was fun to get creative, take cute pictures, unmistakable pregnancy announcement. And we will be seeing this baby for the first time in five days when I'll be nearing 19 weeks. So yeah, my pregnancy has been definitely more challenging than any of my previous three pregnancies. And by more challenging I just feel really tired, especially the first trimester. Holy Moses. I felt extremely tired. The second trimester has been wonderful to me. Um, I felt like a, just a, a refreshing wind of energy around 14 weeks and that's been hanging out with me. I still take naps when I get the opportunity because yeah, need those. And when I felt really, really tired during the first trimester, I honestly just changed my expectations of myself. I communicate really well with my husband. I try to make that a big priority. So him knowing that I'm feeling really tired and this is what he could be doing to help. I was okay with us picking up dinner more or cooking something frozen. Beehive meals, if you guys have never heard of them. Beehive meals has freezer crock pot meals that they send to you and those were a saving grace during my first trimester because I was like, okay, here's what we're doing for dinner. Beehive meals and just pop that in the crock pot so I can link them below for you guys. That it really is such a cool, such a cool concept and it makes an excellent gift to other people too. Like if there's a meal in there that you're not quite sure about or if you have a friend that's expecting, just order her a thing of beehive meals. So easy. And they all taste delicious. We've never had one that we didn't like, so that helped me a bunch. And yeah, mindset wise in the first trimester and really every trimester is just making sure that my expectations of myself are within reason. Sometimes I do this really, this really awful, it's quite awful thing where I just expect myself, if I don't really like catch this, I expect myself to just do all the things I did before I was pregnant. And I expect myself to wake up at the same time and have the same morning routine and have the same levels of activity and eat the same things and gosh, like just, just do just as much as I was doing before. And four out of four times now that has proven to be a terrible, terrible mentality to take into pregnancy. So if you need to really watch your mindset during pregnancy and postpartum, just check those expectations you're putting on yourself. It helped me even to just release my morning routine entirely. I was waking up around 4:45 to 5:15, like in that range every morning. And I would do my workout and I would journal and I would read my Bible and then my boys would wake up and we'd make breakfast and I mean I was already ready for the day and felt great and that was awesome. And I just was expecting myself to continue that through my first second trimester. Yeah, I am absolutely not there right now. It's been a solid 18 weeks of pretty much no morning routine for me and my. And that's been really good. Like it's, it's not a bad thing to meet yourself where you're at and remember it's temporary too. Like as soon I know, as soon as I make the decision to go back to a morning routine, I can do that and it can look different. I can wake up at 6:30, like if my boys have been waking up closer to 7 lately, I can wake up at 6:30 and have a little bit of time to myself. I just, lately I haven't felt the need for that right now and it doesn't feel like a real need for me. And, and I'm okay with that. So being able to evaluate what you really need. For me right now, it's the sleep. Enough. Just doesn't feel like enough. Like I can honestly get 10 hours and a nap in the day if it allows. I just feel tired. And I've got three cute boys that I'm keeping up with. I have a business, I have my marriage, I have my home. Um, so I'm just giving myself a lot of grace in what I'm expecting myself to do and realizing what does matter most to me. What does matter most to me is still being present and available to my boys, being playful and sincere in my marriage and being efficient and keeping my word in my work. So making sure that I'm on my coaching sessions, making sure that I'm prioritizing communication and just like fun things to do with my spouse and paying attention There and then with my kids, too, saying yes when they ask me to do something with them. All of that fills my cup so much, and I feel really proud of myself. So I'm okay with my morning routine being on hold right now. I know for a fact that I'll be back to it, and it will be like I didn't even miss a beat. Um, so, yeah, I did feel really, really tired during the first trimester. One thing I go through with each of my pregnancies, and it gets progressively worse with each pregnancy and with each week. Right now, it feels like by the day it's to going. Getting worse, is varicose veins. I get pretty bad varicose veins when I'm pregnant. They are completely genetic for me. So I was actually. I actually got my first varicose vein when I was pretty little. I think I was, like, 7 years old. I got my first one on my calf, and that sucker has been with me for life. It's just been there the whole freaking time. One day, I would love to do, like, the treatment for your varicose veins and things. I just haven't done that yet. I actually explored that option when Drew was a baby, and I almost pulled the trigger on doing it. And then. I am not judging by any means anyone that has gotten this procedure done. There was just an injection that they would do on some of my veins that weren't big enough for a catheter to take care of them. And I was breastfeeding Drew, and I said, well, if you're gonna, like, inject it right into my bloodstream, is that safe for, like, you know, breastfeeding? Because what you're injecting is supposed to kill the vein. Like, that sounds kind of like something I should ask. And they're like, oh, it's. No, it would be such. This is literally. They said it'd be such trace amounts that they really wouldn't have an impact. And I'm like, I think I'm just gonna wait, actually, until I'm. Until I'm done. And by time Drew stopped breastfeeding, we were talking about having another. And I'm like, you know, it's all right. I've got my groove with these varicose veins. I can do another pregnancy with them. So I am holding off for now. I do really. I would love to get that procedure done. My varicose veins are quite painful, quite uncomfortable. And I also get something called a vulva varicosity, if you've ever heard of that. If you haven't, it's really quite a blast. It's basically just a varicose vein on your vagina. And it's very uncomfortable. It sounds just as uncomfortable as it is. And it is just as uncomfortable as it sounds. And I just like to talk about that a little bit because there's. I mean, I've heard it from so many women that they feel absolutely humiliated by it. And I remember when I discovered my varicose veins for the first time. I was pregnant with Luke. I went to a pelvic floor physical therapist and I was like, gosh, I'm just feeling like so heavy in my pelvis and I don't know what's going on. And mind you, I'm laying like, no. Like naked from the waist down on this table. It's just like this awkward position you find yourself in. And here's this professional that takes one look at my hoo ha and she's like, oh, you have a little varicosity. It's it how it can happen during pregnancy. It's going to get worse with each pregnancy. And she just said it so matter of factly and she. She literally said, I can see it from here. And I was like, I felt so mortified, just completely humiliated. And I still didn't know what it looked like or anything. So I remember right after that, I got back in the car and I started bawling my eyes out with little Liam in the backseat. Marcus was driving and poor guy, like, what do you even say? He doesn't even know what's going on. And I just felt so humiliated and so. Just ashamed that this is. This is who I. This is a part of, like me and my body and no one can know. And it just felt like this big thing that I needed to keep in hiding, and yet I still haven't even seen it. So we go to my in laws house. I literally was like, I'm gonna take a shower. I was trying to, like, calm myself back down. And I stood there naked in front of the mirror, put my leg up on the counter because I wanted to know what this woman meant. Which when she said that she can see it, and boy, did I see it. I was like, oh, wow. And I was convinced it's the ugliest thing ever. I told myself, Marcus isn't going to be attracted to me. He's going to think it's so hideous. Like, I just. Oh, my gosh, my freaking mind. Oh, my mind went to the worst, worst places. It was so hard. And then I finally got in the shower, tried to Calm myself down. Went into the room bald again for an hour, friends, an hour. I cried about these veins, about all of it. And my sweet husband just sat on the bed and listened. He's so good at that. Partially because. I mean, what do you even say? I think that's why he's so good at listening, because sometimes I'm just saying things, and it's like, what do you even say to that? And I'm just so grateful for him that he has the capacity to just listen. Um, and I remember, though, he. I, like, finally just got honest with him, and I told him, like, all of my fears, all of my concerns about these veins, and he's not gonna be attracted to me and. And all these things, and he was like, that would literally never happen. I was like, you don't understand. And just crying. And then after an hour of, like, getting all of that out and just truly venting, and I was, like, processing as I was dumping all of this and how I felt, how I truly was feeling about my body and all of the real thoughts that I was having, as awful as they were, got it all out. And then it's like this. I was just given this perspective. I went through all of that painful exposure of saying what I was really thinking and venting out all of the feelings just the way. The way they were, that all that painful exposure earned me this new perspective. And I have used this perspective now for three pregnancies. I love it. I. I really live by it, and I believe it with my whole heart. And that's what makes perspective so valuable. You need to remember, with mindset work is you're only going to be able to truly accept. Accept a perspective that you believe. So you have to make sure when you're trying to change your mindset about your body, your pregnancy, your kids, your spouse, your work, whatever it is, you choose a perspective you actually believe. If you don't believe it, you're not going to lie to your own mind. It's like, red flag. That's a lie. And then. And then we just, like, exhaust ourselves. So I came up with a new perspective, and it was. You know what? I remember I told this to Marcus. I said, you know what? I don't know why my body's doing this. And if you Google it, I do live the definition of the lifestyle required to avoid varicose veins. I already live all of that. So although I don't know why my body is doing this, I do believe that these veins serve a purpose and that my body's Doing the best it can. I mean, seriously, if my. If my body's willing to try so hard to pump blood from one area to the other that it's willing to, like, blow up a freaking vein and expand it the best that it can, like, I mean, what do I have to say that's negative about it? It's. It's showing me, like, my pregnancies give me actual proof, this tangible evidence that cannot be denied of how hard it's working and. And especially when it comes to my veins, they. They have been more, like, prominent with each pregnancy. And I'll. I'll have them, like, on my stomach and on my legs, and they're, like, more prominent on my arms. And, you know, I just think it's so cool how hard my body is working to care for me and my baby and to double this blood volume and do what it needs to do to. To. To thrive, right, to keep us healthy. And it's my job to support it. My job's not to kick it when it's down or. Or ridicule it or just do all these terrible things. Like, I don't need to do that. So when I changed my perspective just to that, like, I don't know why my body's doing this. I do believe that these veins serve a purpose, though. And I do believe that my body's doing the best it can. I felt so much peace. And here's another thing that really helps me in pregnancy that you can really use for anything. It's being able to validate your feelings and scrutinize your thoughts. And I feel like when you're growing your family and you're bringing a new life into this world and you're. There's just a lot, right? And you can have so many thoughts that doubt you. So many thoughts that just rid. Like, they doubt your abilities and they shift your focus out of what truly matters and onto something trivial. And your thoughts can be like, such a dangerous, dangerous place. Harmful place. Your feelings, though your feelings are really insightful. They carry valuable messages. They have something to give you. And when you can get into this kind of like a boundary with yourself, a good framework to follow of validate the feeling. I felt so ashamed. I felt humiliated. I felt terrified. I felt concerned when I. When I first went through all that with my veins, I felt all that. And that's valid. That is valid. I can validate all of those feelings, and I can scrutinize my thoughts. I can take my thoughts under critical evaluation to realize what is truth and what is false here? Like, what am I saying that's helpful? And. And what of these thoughts are really hurtful? And when you allow yourself the opportunity to scrutinize your thoughts, you realize, holy crap, here I am trying to validate these thoughts that are literally ruining my life. Like, that's what we're doing. And we don't have to do that. We can just validate the feeling itself. I feel sad. That's okay. It's okay to feel ashamed. It's okay to feel nervous, to feel concerned, to feel humiliated, to feel rejected, to feel, gosh, just like, unworthy, undeserving. It's okay to feel all of that and we can validate those feelings and then get to the root of the thought that creates these in the first place. Thoughts create feelings. So we need to get clear on, like, what are these thoughts that I'm having exactly? About my body, about my veins. Oh, that. My body's just so stupid. Oh, really? It is. No, it's freaking not. It's not stupid. My body's smarter than me a hundred times over. Your body is smarter than you. I believe that so much. I believe my body's smarter than my doctors. Like, I'll trust it a hundred times over. So I just want you to one, check the expectations that you have of yourself. It's okay to make changes. It's okay to slow down. It's okay to realize. I actually do need more sleep right now. And there's gonna come some sacrifices from that. And maybe my family learns how to do an afternoon workout together if I'm not working out in the morning and change those expectations of what it can look like. Second is being able to validate your feelings and scrutinize your thoughts. I try really hard to live by that, especially when I go through something hard like pregnancy. And that's another thing I wanna talk about on this episode, especially because I am pregnant is I. I love pregnancy. I love to be pregnant. I love to feel the. Just like those little kicks, those little first wiggles of a healthy baby inside of you and to just, like, be in awe and complete wonder of how the freak. My body's doing this in the first place. Like, it's. It's truly a miracle. Like, it's nothing short of. Of a miracle that we can grow babies inside of us and. And birth them. Like, it's just. Gosh, the miracle of pregnancy is not lost on me, I'll tell you that right now. And I'm so grateful for it. And even with all that Being said and how much I love pregnancy, it's hard. It is. It is a hard experience for me. It's hard for me to feel so tired. It's hard for me to feel so much pain in my legs and pelvis. It's hard to me to feel slower and a little bit more limited to what I can do right now. When I think about what I was doing so easily just a few months ago and now it feels near impossible. And I have real restrictions and limitations on me right now. And it's hard to experience that insomnia at night when you feel so freaking tired and you just aren't falling asleep and like your mind or your body, like something's keeping you awake, that feels really hard. And it feels hard to think about bringing another baby into your family and wondering the shift in dynamic that's going to take place and the way it's going to influence your other kids and you know, what they're thinking and do I have enough to give everybody, like all of that is so hard and more. Right? Don't even get me freaking started on our jobs and our marriage and our friendships and the time spent for ourselves and what that time frickin looks like and everything going into postpartum like it's hard and that's okay. Mindset is not meant to take away everything that's hard. Mindset gives purpose to things that are hard so that we have a better enthusiasm, a better heart of service, a better open mind, a better willingness to adapt, a willingness to receive because we have a mindset while we go through something hard and when we can allow ourselves to. To practice that. That's all I want you to do, is just practice that. If you're going through something hard right now, maybe it's not pregnancy, maybe there's something going on in your marriage or something with your kids or a relationship in your career. Like you can be going through really anything with your health. Mindset is not about pretending it's easy. Mindset is about being willing to help yourself when it's hard. And since we don't control much in this world except what we think, say and do, that's it. We really might as well get on board with controlling what we're gonna think about this hard thing about pregnancy, about that health trial you're going through, or that challenge within your marriage or that hardship with your kids right now. Mindset doesn't mean that it's not hard. It doesn't. Mindset doesn't make everything easy. It just gives hard things purpose. And it gives you a new. A new lens to view life through that helps you show up as who you want to be when you do hard things. Because I know who I want to be when I'm pregnant. I know who I want to be when I'm postpartum. I know who I want to be as a mother, I as a wife, as a coach for you here in this space, as a creator of content and courses and products, I know who I want to be. And it's going to take a very specific mindset for me to be able to do that. Because let me freaking tell you, it's not easy. But I don't need it to be easy. You don't need it to be easy. You just need it to be possible. And let me tell you, friend, there have been millions of people before us proving that it's possible. So why not you? Why not me? Why not us? We can do it, too. We just have to get on board with that mindset. So those are just a few things that really help me mentally with that mindset portion of pregnancy. I recently shared on my Instagram just some things that helped me, like physically during pregnancy. I saved that to a highlight. If you want to go over to my Instagram account, Tessa Romero underscore, the highlight is pregnancy symptoms. And I just shared some things that, you know, what, like physically helps me with varicose veins, what's physically helping me with my energy levels, what's physically helping me with my sleep. Because all that matters, too. Mindset is not the only step that we take when people say, oh, mindsets, everything. I don't believe that. I don't share that message because I believe it's the first step. Step to everything. You have to have a perspective that says you can do it. You have to have a perspective that affords you the opportunity to see a new way, a new solution, so that you can pursue it. If you don't think there's something you can do, then you're not freaking going to. So mindset is the first step to everything. And then there's actual actions that we can take to lighten our load, to get better sleep, to make sure our body has the nutrients that it needs to calm those restless legs, that we may get aches, pains, cramps, and everything in between. Varicose veins. Hello. To help ourselves with all of that. It's not just mindset. We don't want to just think, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this and not change a single thing that would help our body get what it needs or help our mind help our family get what it needs. That's not the point of mindset. So I. I'm so grateful to be having another baby. Pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are truly just cherished times of my life, and I hope that I can have another birth like drewbirds. His birth was like my dream birth and I. I hope I can have another one similar to that and have my boys be involved. That was another really special thing about Drew's birth is having Liam there. So I would love to have my boys involved if they'd like to be and and share that with you guys too. I think it can be a very empowering time of our lives if we do have the right perspective. And that's hopefully something that I share with you over the next few months while I'm pregnant too. So thanks for being here, sweet friend. I am excited to create more and give you more now that I'm ready to kind of shift gears and, and share it with you. So I love you dearly and I'll talk to you real soon. Oh, my sweet friend. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode of the momset podcast. Please take a minute to leave a review and share the show. If you loved it, I'd love to stay connected as we continue to learn and grow in motherhood right alongside each other.