Does a positive mindset take away hard moments and difficult emotions?

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to help teach you all the skills, tools, and encouragement that you need to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be while going through a healing journey that allows you to build a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get started. Come. Build a positive mindset and you'll never have to feel sad or angry or lonely or anxious or exhausted or overwhelmed ever again. Nope, that's not at all what we're talking about here, and it's absolutely not what I encourage you to think. A positive mindset will help you do so. This week's episode, we are talking about the big question. Does a positive mindset mean that you never have hard moments or big emotions? And I'm giving you a sneak little peek into what we're talking about. The answer is no. No, that's not what a positive mindset does, and it's not what it means, and it's not what it's all about. I want you to have those hard moments. Why? Because they challenge you. You're being shown where you still have room for growth in your life, and that's a really good thing, to be challenged and push in a direction of growth. And only your obstacles, hard hardships, and challenges can do that for you. So I'm not asking you to get rid of all those things, and I would never wish them away for you because I want you to be your best self. And we all have to go through our challenges to get to being our best selves. What I do want you to understand is that when you have a positive mindset, it just means that you no longer allow your mind to make things worse for you. What is. What would be an example of your mind making things worse for you now? Let's say you've had a miscarriage. I recently had a miscarriage, and I would love to do a full episode talking about that with you guys because it has been such a trial for me. But let's say you had a miscarriage. You already feel sad and devastated. You already feel that. So why on earth would we want our mind saying, and you're never going to get pregnant again, and if you ever do get pregnant, well, this is just proof that you're going to have another miscarriage. And. And look at that. You're infertile and you're never going to have the family that you've dreamed of, and this is always going to be really hard or this is just the beginning of your hardship. Why on earth would anybody want that or wish that upon anyone else? Doesn't that sound awful, to have those thoughts in your mind? And if you're listening to this and you've experienced a miscarriage too, I'm willing to bet that you had some of those thoughts, because I did. And I work really free. I'm a mindset coach, and I had those things, those thoughts playing through my mind. So that's one example of how your mind is making the situation worse. The miscarriage is already out of your control. It's already out of your control. You already feel sad and devastated. So having thoughts that tell you everything that you don't need to hear and everything that makes you feel worse, that's how a negative mindset is literally making your hardship harder. It's making the circumstances outside of your control even harder. And now let's talk about something like laundry. A simple daily task when we have the thoughts of, this is going to take forever, or, I shouldn't be the one that has to do this. How come I'm the only one that does this? You're missing out on the other perspective that you could have about laundry, about how you're so grateful that your family has such variety in their wardrobe and how you get to be the one that knows every single clean piece of clothing your family puts on their body is because of you, and you should be proud of yourself for that. But your thoughts are too busy looking at all the other negative sides that you're not even pausing to see how proud of yourself you are for the things that you're getting done and for who you are as a person and how you're showing up. You're not looking at that perspective. So the positive mindset, again, it's not about saying, I don't feel sad that I had a miscarriage, or I shouldn't feel devastated that I had a miscarriage, or, you know, you're not allowed to feel angry that you're the one doing the laundry, or you're not allowed to feel overwhelmed. It's not about that. You already feel overwhelmed. The feeling's there. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to let your negative thoughts tell you a story that one isn't true? Two makes things worse. Are you going to let it do that? Or are you going to implement a positive mindset to help you through that miscarriage, to help you through the laundry, or the argument with your husband, or the tantrum that your toddler's throwing or the sleepless night that you had with your baby. A negative mindset truly does make things worse. So let's talk through some more examples of how you can be flipping your mindset to best support you through those hard emotions and hard moments. Working through some examples together. Let's start with when you feel overwhelmed. Does it help you when your mind says, it's so dumb that you feel this way? What's wrong with you? Why are you like this? You make such a big deal out of nothing. Does that help you? No, it freakin doesn't. And I know it doesn't. And you know it doesn't. And everybody knows it doesn't help. But rarely are we shown examples of what would be helpful or how to change those thoughts. And that's what I'm here for. La de da dee da, magical little mindset fairy over here sitting in my closet. Okay, so you're feeling overwhelmed. We know what negative thoughts, what I just mentioned are not helping. Now let's talk about what some thoughts could sound like in your mind. Those swaps that could help you when you feel overwhelmed. First, it's helpful to know why you feel overwhelmed. Okay, so let's look at it this way. Why do you feel overwhelmed? Hmm. You look around, you're like, well, I have to do laundry and my windows are dirty and I need to do the dishes and the kids need this and I forgot to buy this. And Thanksgiving's coming up, we're gonna have all the family over and my husband has to work late tonight and he's gonna be gone this weekend. He's been working a lot in the basement. Like, your mind is going a million miles an hour. So it could be very helpful for you in that moment is one, take a deep breath in through your nose. Breathe through your nose. Help regulate yourself a little bit. And you. And you feel these thoughts just running wild. After you take that deep breath, ask yourself, what do I need to do right now in this moment? Call your mind back to you. Thanksgiving is, I mean, three weeks away, three and a half weeks away. It's not today. Your husband, okay, even if he's coming home late from work that day, it's not that moment. It's still several hours away. You don't have to focus on that right that moment. What do you need to do right now to help yourself? Get out a piece of paper and a pen. Here's your thoughts. I'm going to take out a piece of paper and a pen and write down the three tasks that I think are most meaningful to me today. What are the three things? Maybe you know that getting that basket of laundry folded and put away would help you feel a lot better. So you're going to do that. That's task number one. Task number two, you know, I always feel a lot better and much more calm when I do a workout. Okay, so that goes on the list. I want to work out today. And what do you want your third task to be that day? I'm going to make it a point to start dinner by 5pm so we can move everything up and I don't have to feel so stretched or overwhelmed tonight when my husband's running late from work. When you can focus your mind and your thoughts to more problem solving and you're in a growth mindset, a fixed mindset is it is what it is. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm stuck here. A growth mindset is I'm observing my circumstances of this situation and it looks like I'm going to need to help myself. How can I help myself? You are in control. So when you're feeling overwhelmed, that's the first. Like taking a breath, writing a list. Those can be very helpful. Controlling your thoughts. It's not all, look at all these things outside of my control. And of course this happens right now. Of course is a whole frickin negative mindset in itself. I mean, you could just build and build and build off, of course. But when you're feeling overwhelmed, we know that those thoughts don't help. And thoughts like this is something I can handle. I'm doing the best I can through this. How can I help myself? Another one could be, well, what's a perspective that I haven't considered yet? Or how can I create a sense of calm right now so I can think clearly? You are the one that's responsible for noticing when your mind is running wild, no one else knows what you're thinking. Isn't that so cool though? Think about it. No one knows what you're thinking. No one will ever know what you're thinking. And the downside to that is you have to communicate. You have to get your thoughts in order. You have to be the one that zooms into your mind through a conscious thought and saves the day by saying, wow, are we really stressing about Thanksgiving right now when it's literally over three weeks away? We're not doing that right. And correcting yourself through it because you are your own Best friend. And being a best friend doesn't mean that you only say the things that you want to hear. It means you also say the things that you need to hear. So you're telling yourself the things that you need to hear. This is something I can handle. Let's move into another example of when you're feeling really joyful and grateful and you're living in the moment. Like your kids are saying the funny things and you're just laughing at them. And even though there is a basket of laundry on the kitchen table, you're just making dinner and you guys decide to dance in the kitchen and your favorite song comes on and your husband comes up to you and spins you around and it's a wonderful moment, whatever that looks like for you. And then your mind starts saying, well, it's not going to last like this. What if my husband leaves me? Well, I'm probably not good enough. I don't deserve this. He's probably going to leave me because I'm so. I'm so awful to be around. Or my kids are going to find out that I'm not that great and they're not going to want to have a relationship with me when they're older. And what about when they have kids and they don't want me around their kids? When your mind goes to that negative place once again, even when you're feeling really great, you have to correct the thoughts. So what can that sound like in this example? You're having that joyful moment. The negative thoughts creep in. Maybe it's about what if. What if it all just ended right here? What if this was the best day and then it all gets worse from here. Reminding yourself predicting terrible outcomes does not keep them from happening. It only steals my joy in this moment. So come back to a conscious thought. Call your mind back. Remember, we're not worried about what's happening. Literally, in 20 years or more, when your kids have kids. We're not doing that. We're focusing on this moment. When you focus on this moment and you stay so present, it doesn't matter what you're feeling, you will stay in control of your thoughts. You're feeling joyful. You're going to allow yourself to see this as this is the exact joy that I need to help me through any hard moment that comes. I know we'll always be okay when we have each other. I can count on myself to nurture great relationships with my kids and be a meaningful part of their life forever. And I can count on myself to nurture this relationship with my husband so that we're always dancing and singing in the kitchen. He always wants to grab me by my waist and tell me that I'm beautiful because I am that woman. When you believe that about yourself, it's a lot easier to control the thoughts. So any negative thought that comes, any hard moment that happens, any difficult emotion that you experience, you always control your thoughts through it. If it's a miscarriage, if it's a joyful moment, if it's you saw something terrible happen, don't predict that it's going to happen to your family. Feel grateful that it's not happening to your family and grateful that you're in a position that you can serve others when needed. That's how you feel. In control. That's how you stay in the moment. So does it make sense now when you consider if a positive mindset is going to just make your hard moments go away or make it so that you never have to experience a difficult emotion again? Does it make sense that that's not the goal? That's not the goal. Your goal is to keep growing. Your goal is to keep becoming exactly who you want to be. And, my friend, you need hard moments to challenge you. You need your child's tantrum to show you the immature parts of you that need working on. You need these things. You need the laundry to keep on coming if you're going to build a good routine from it. You need the argument with your husband if you're going to learn how to be even better communicators together. You need these things. They are good things. So the positive mindset isn't making sure that they never happen. It's making sure that your mind feels capable of handling them when they do happen. Because you and I both know it's not a matter of if they're going to happen. It's a matter of when they will happen. They're going to happen to me. They're going to happen to you. But I know, I believe this with every ounce of my being, that if you train your mind to be your own best friend, to be exactly what you need it to be to tell you the things that you need to hear, not just the things that you want to hear. If you train it to be in a positive headspace and you protect your positive headspace, you will have a much easier time through those hard moments. You'll have faith. You'll keep believing that life is so much more than that hard moment. You'll believe in yourself and pick yourself up when you're feeling down, you'll remind yourself the wonderful parts of your relationships, even when they're going through a trial. Because that's what a positive mindset does. It doesn't make the hardships go away. It helps you remember that you're capable of handling them. And if there's anything that I can do for you in this space and on social media and in my email list, it's remind you that you're capable. You are the woman for the job. You are called for this. You are able to control your thoughts and that's all you need in order to be who you want to be. And I know that you and I have this big goal of being exactly who we want to be. And we are ready and willing to show up every single day of our life, putting in the good work to become exactly who we want to be. Even when there's a hard moment and even when there's difficult emotions. Because we all have hard moments and we all have difficult emotions. But when you have a positive mindset to support you through them, you, my friend, are unstoppable. And I know, I know that about you already. It's just time that you started seeing that in yourself. Now it's time for you to do some reflection and ask yourself, is the current mindset that you have helping you through your hard moments, yes or no? Next question is to ask yourself, is the current mindset that I have helping me through my hard emotions, yes or no? When you answer those questions and you get really honest. If your current mindset on day to day basis is helping you through hard moments and big emotions, yes or no? If the answer is yes, way to go. I am convinced that you have a positive mindset because you believe in your ability to work through things even when they're hard. If the answer was no, your current mindset is not helping you through hard moments and big emotions, stick around here. Follow me on Instagram. I'm sharing tips, tools and encouragement for you to start changing too. And if you need more help beyond that, if you feel the need to focus on a healing journey to help you change your mindset and knowing who you are, handling the shame, learning self forgiveness, boundaries and journaling. If you want to go through my entire 12 week coaching program, signups begin at the end of December. Don't forget that because we are going to start kicking things off together on January 3rd and it is going to be such a beautiful experience for you to get to know yourself. Do that self discovery and and finally build a mindset that supports you. I believe in you so much. If I can do this, if I can go through that hard healing journey and get to this place, I know you can too. You just need the right kind of encouragement, tools and resources, and I hope that I can be a big part of that for you. Thank you so much for being here for this week's episode. If this episode served you, please feel free to subscribe to the podcast and share it. I love spreading the message of positivity and healing and how they work together. My goal is to continue serving you, and I can't wait to form more meaningful relationships together here on the podcast and elsewhere, such as Instagram and my email list. We'll talk more soon.