https://www.listennotes.com/e/4aabf758459d484c9fee199a6bb6f2fa

Do you need a little shift in your perspective? Are you ready to consider that you might just be a really freaking lucky mom? Are you ready for that? Do you want that? Do you want to wake up in the morning like, dang, I really am a lucky mom. How would that change your day? How would it change the way you interact with your kids that day? If instead of walking around thinking, oh, I'm the one, of course it's me that needs to do all this, that has to do all this, it all falls on me. How come I don't get to do XYZ? Poor me. The poor mom, instead of any of that, you're walking around thinking, gosh, freaking take it. I am a lucky mom. Look at the people I have right here around me. Look at these options that I have of food and meals to prepare for us and consume. Look at all the places that we can go. Look at all the things we can experience. Look at the impact I can make on you, little people, and the impact you get to make on me. How could we possibly be anything else other than a lucky mom? Well, if you've needed a little pep in your step, a little hype to your echoing thoughts that you've been having, whatever it is for you, I hope that this episode lands so well. I'm gonna tell you a little story about how this came about for me shifting to this lucky mom perspective. And it's something that I've heard so many times as I've been out with my four boys or even as my whole family's out together. and I hear this like over and over and over again. And there was something about when it was said to me at a beach by these three older women, and they just collectively sighed, poor mom. There's something about that moment that time kind of stood still. And my gears in my mind just started turning about that phrase and how interesting that I think it is. So that's where this all came from. And I'm going to share that whole story with you because I know you'll be able to relate. And I really want to just open this up with giving you encouragement of who you believe you are in your home and in relation to your children, relation to your spouse, relation to this life, who you believe you are in your role and the room that you take up and the spaces that you're in. That's the way you're going to show up. So given this idea between, are we a poor mom or a lucky mom, whoever you believe you are, if you believe you're a poor mom, Then you will be. And if you believe that you're a lucky mom, then you are. So what does this look like? Well, let me paint the picture for you. My sweet family of now six. I get butterflies to say that. I have four freaking kids, guys. I have four kids. I am 30 years old. I have four kids, and not only four kids, I have four boys. Do I need to tell us again how much of a dream come true this is for me? I have wanted four boys. since I even thought about having kids when my husband and I were talking about it. I mean, over 10 years ago when I was like, yeah, I want kids. I just, I want four boys. Like, I would just love to have four boys. And I just, I have them. There's a family picture right in front of me as I'm recording this. And my gosh, I got the guy, I got the guy, and I've got the boys. And that literally brings tears to my eyes because I sincerely feel like this lucky mom, this remarkably lucky person that, you know, he's my husband and they're my boys and I'm their mom and I'm his wife. And how I got this lucky, you know, I like to think part of me earned it through my circumstances in life. And a huge part of me knows that it's just one of those blessings of life where we find ourselves in positions and experiences that we're like, do I really, is this real life? Do I really get to do this? And the best thing that we can do is just send up a prayer and say thank you. and be grateful for every experience that fell into place in order for us to be in that position to be around those people, experience these things. So recently, my family and I were on a family vacation together, just really enjoying it. I had really envisioned what I wanted this trip to be like. I wanted the focus to be on our goals and vision for the year. And with my oldest being six, it kind of felt like we could include the kids in it more. My husband and I were on the same page of how we wanted to communicate spend our focus this trip. So I was really looking forward to it. And we were at the beach one day just having family time at the beach and we get there and my boys are in their flip flops and I'm carrying baby Jake in the carrier on me. My two-year-old had passed out in the car. He was so, so, so sleepy, tired, and my husband's carrying him down the beach. I thought it was the sweetest scene. Like my two-year-old just conked out over his shoulder. And here's my handsome husband holding our third son. Well, I'm holding our fourth son, and I see our first and second son just running down the beach, having the time of their lives. They're so excited that we're here and there's sand and they can just fall on the ground and it doesn't hurt, and they're just living it up. I mean, we all are. And I'm taking videos of my husband because the sight, oh my gosh, the water, the sun, the sand, the sight, the smells, I just wanted to just soak it all in. while he's carrying our sleeping two-year-old. And then we find this fun little spot where my boys like to kind of go through the reef a little bit, like where there's rocks and they can walk through it and they can see where a crab is hanging out or little hermit crabs or tiny little fish in these little areas of water. And man, we're just soaking it up. So this is all going on and we spend about two and a half hours or so just looking for shells and talking to each other. hanging out on the beach, taking it all in. And after about two and a half hours, we're ready to head back to the car. So we're getting all four of our kids, our two-year-olds awake at this point, which I will add, it was a rough time waking up on a beach, apparently. I'm not saying I would have a difficult time waking up on a beach that actually sounds heavenly. I don't know if you guys have ever carried a baby on a beach. It's just like you got to look at your baby sleeping in your arms at the beach and think, this is the most luxurious thing. The sound of the waves is like the perfect sound to sleep to. The sun, the breeze, just the entire airy environment that you're in. It's so wonderful. And, you know, my two-year-old didn't wake up thinking it was wonderful. We'll just put it at that. So anyway, we're leaving, ready to tap out. We get over to these steps, and you have to walk up about, I don't know, like 12 or 15 steps or so to get up to the parking level area. and we were down on the sand. And we walked by these three older women that I like to think were there enjoying a friend's vacation of their lives. That, or maybe they're sisters. And just the three of them sitting in there, their sand beach chairs, low to the ground, chilling. And when I first saw them, that was my first thought of, how great that they're here together. Maybe some friend's trip or some sister's trip, and they're just soaking each other in, just chatting on the beach in freaking Maui. What a cool life. to just be next to your friends or sisters on the beach in Maui when you're older like that. I mean, they must have been like, gosh, 70, maybe like younger 70s, I'm not sure. Older though. And I just had the utmost respect and appreciation for what they were experiencing at that point in their life. And I mean, a little part of my brain was like, I hope I get to do that one day. I hope I get to come back here with friends when I'm in my 70s and with my sisters when I'm in my 70s. And it was like this full picture. And I just felt really grateful seeing these three women sit there. And I'm walking up with my four boys and my boys, so mind you, my baby's still in the carrier. Marcus has our two-year-old. And then I'm looking at my six and four-year-old standing on the steps. They probably got like three steps up and I'm still in the sand. and I looked down at their feet and their feet are bare. And I was like, oh, I go, boys, where are your shoes? And they're like, they look down at their feet as if I just asked, like, this bizarre question of shoes. What are those? And, you know, I might have, like, struck them for a second. They gathered together, though, what I was getting at, and they're like, oh, we forgot them over there, like by the rocks where we were at, which is honestly probably like a quarter of a mile from where we're at now. So for reference, that's like one lap around a track at like a high school or university is a quarter mile. So one lap around a track. And although I wouldn't be able to see the shoes from where I'm standing, I know the area that we were just in and maybe like a quarter mile, 0.3 miles, really close. And I immediately say, oh, okay, stay with dad, I'll go get them. And just like so quick, so quick to jump up and like, I volunteer to go back and find the shoes. I really want to be the person that does it. And you must stay with dad while I go. And I just made it really clear, like, okay, stay with dad, I'll go back and get them. And I was really, I know it, like I was cheerful, I was delightful. I was totally okay with the circumstance. And I just saw it as like a little perk in my day. And then the three women sitting in their chairs, bless them on their little friends trip, sisters trip, whatever it is, I'm still so glad that they got to do that. They collectively sigh, like really loud. They're collectively sighing and go, poor mom, the three of them completely in harmony together. Poor mom. And I just look at them and I give a little grin. And inside, I'm just like, what on God's green earth are you freaking talking about right now? What do you mean, poor mom? Like, I've got this cute, chunky baby in my carrier. I've got these cutie boys on the steps. Have you seen my husband? That stud of a man? I've got the most darling family. We just walked by you and me, the side of me, A young mom with a baby in a carrier walking back down the beach after hearing the exchange about the shoes, walking back down the beach in Maui. We're in Maui, you guys. Freaking magic. How lucky are we to be here, first of all, with our kids? It's such an enormous blessing, such a dream come true. And the sun is shining, it's 80 degrees outside, there's a soft breeze, I mean, the sound of the waves, it's like medicine for me. And yet I'm being told, even on the beach in Maui, poor mom, even as I get to be the one that says, Stay with dad, I'll go back and get them. So now I get to walk down the beach basically by myself because my baby's in a carrier. I'm fricking setting the pace here. This is very enjoyable. Basically by myself, I get to walk down the beach in Maui to go get the shoes and walk back. So I basically get to walk a half mile on a beach by myself, listening to the sound of the waves, taking my sweet time, strolling along. I get to do that. And I'm the poor mom. Like it kind of blew my mind in the moment. I'm like, I just, no, no, I'm not. that is not freaking true about me. I'll tell you that right now. And as I was walking, though, that was just my perspective of how, like, wow, how is it that we can look at these beautiful circumstances? These, I mean, just enormous blessings that blind you. Have you ever stared at the sea while the sun's shining on it, on the ocean, and the sun is shining on it? It's blindingly magnificent. Blindingly magnificent. And that's how I felt about this whole Circumstance at the beach with my family. It is blindingly magnificent. The blessing is enormous. And some people still miss it. Some people still don't get it. I just think that's so fascinating. It's just so interesting to me that here I am thinking like, I'm living the biggest blessings. Like these are just enormous, blinding, magnificent blessings. And some people still don't see him. And I've got to say, I'm grateful that I see him. I'm grateful that even as three older women collectively sigh, poor mom, as I'm walking down a beach in Maui with four cute boys, a stud of a husband, I mean, the flip flops that I just got them, what a blessing that I'm able to get my kids the flip flops. Like there's just so many one after another after another. The carrier that I'm wearing, how comfortable that is for me to have my baby close to me, be able to keep up with my other kids, do the activities that we want to do while my baby's in a carrier, what an enormous blessing that I have these resources, that I'm able to do this, that I'm perfectly, strappingly healthy, secure, and active, and strong enough to hold my baby while walking on a beach, which I don't know, the last time you walked on a beach, it's kind of hard work though. You're using a lot more muscles to walk on a beach than you are to walk on a sidewalk. Let me freaking tell you. And even though I'm so healthy, I'm so strong, I'm so vibrant, even though all of that is true, someone will still look at me and think, poor mom. Someone will still see me with four boys and think, oh, you poor, poor woman, you poor mom. This isn't the only example I've got. And as I'm walking, everything I just said to you is exactly what I was thinking while walking down the beach. Like some people, the blessing can be enormous. It could be blinding, could be magnificent, the biggest thing you've ever seen. And some people will still miss it. Some people just don't, they don't wanna get it or they don't get it. And either way, the thing is who I consider myself to be is what's more important than that. Because they're right. There is a side of that circumstance where I could say, of course they forgot their shoes over there. And I have to be the one that walks them back. and that walks back and finds the shoes. And my husband just gets to stand there with the kids while I have to be the one that walks back. I could for sure think all of that. Heck, I could even think, of course I have to be the one to carry the baby the whole time we're at the beach. I could think all of that. Just like the next person. I could think all of that too. I choose not to. I choose to look for what's more true. and what's an actual helpful thought? Is it helpful for me to think, of course they forgot their shoes over there. What good is going to come from that? Is it helpful for me to think, I have to be the one holding the baby the whole time in the carrier? What good comes from that? If I want a break from my baby being in the carrier, then I need to be the one to communicate to my husband, Hey, can you hold Jake? And am I going to do that in a kind way if I'm thinking, of course I have to be the one that holds him? Am I going to communicate kindly? Hey, my back's feeling a little bit tight. Can you hold Jake for a little bit? My husband would gladly say yes. The thing is, I want to hold him. I'm doing what I want to do. I want to go back and get the shoes. I want to walk by myself to get the shoes. That's exactly why I said, Stay with Dad. I want to go back by myself. Thank you very much. Poor guy, I mean, what about my husband? Poor guy. I didn't even give him the chance to go back and get the shoes. Maybe he wanted a half mile stroll on the beach. Who knows? All I know is if I wanted to view myself as a poor mom, even on a beach in Maui, I could. If I wanted to view myself as a poor mom while we're flying to and from Las Vegas to Maui, I could. If I want to view myself as a poor mom while my husband holds our two-year-old and I'm here holding the baby, I could. I could view myself as a poor mom. in any circumstance. It's not our circumstances that make us lucky. It's not. It's who we view ourselves as in the circumstance. I can view myself as someone that can handle difficult things really well, and then I actually feel more proud of myself because I'm doing hard things really well and sometimes really easily. It might be really difficult for someone to walk back down that half mile, get the shoes come back, it might be really difficult for someone to do that. I'm someone that's put in enormous amounts of care and attention to my body. So that's easy and enjoyable for me. It's not difficult. And that's something that I get to feel proud of. I get to look at the effort and energy and attention that I put into my well-being physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and own the living daylights out of the benefits that I reap. I get to do that, and so do you. The thing that I just wanted to keep in mind though is, again, you can be on a beach in Maui and some will still say, Poor mom. Sometimes we have to be able to take a step back and see the bigger picture. And then once you see the bigger picture, you can come back into it and say, well, how cool that I get to be the one walking alone on the beach for a half mile. How cool that I literally, you guys, I knew exactly where to look for those shoes, and I was right. They were exactly where I thought they would be. And I thought that was cool too. Because if I asked one of those three women, Hey, would you mind walking back right over there and getting my boys pairs of shoes? They're black flip flops, can't miss them. They're about in that area. What are the chances that they either wouldn't be able to find them at all, would have taken longer than me, or would have had a very difficult time doing it? What are the chances that one of those three things would have happened? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And I think it's so cool that as the mom, I'm just good at this. I'm good at knowing where things are. I'm good at remembering. I'm good at gauging. I'm good at being innate and in tune with my kids. I'm good at this. And no part of that makes me a poor mom. No part of it. And I refuse to see myself like that. I refuse to see my motherhood in that light. And you have that choice to make too. Even if other people think you're a poor mom, you don't have to. You can think you're a lucky mom. And that's exactly what I shifted it to on my way to the shoes. And I was like, oh, I knew exactly where they were. Go me. And I'm walking back and I've got a smile on my face and a song in my heart. And I'm just thinking how I am a lucky mom. I am so lucky. More than me being on a beach in Maui, which is an enormous blessing, and I'm so grateful for it. My family worked really hard to make that happen. And to see your dream come true like that, it's so fulfilling and rewarding in more ways than I can count. More than that, though, more than that, what I just recognize is I'm so lucky to have my people. I'm so lucky to be able to do the basic things. I'm so lucky to have this responsibility, to have this much accountability. Do you guys have any idea how badly I just want to be the absolute best mom I can be, and the absolute best wife I can be, and the absolute best coach I can be? That's why I wake up so early, because I know what I'm capable of. And settling for anything less than what I'm capable of drives me insane. insane. I would rather strive as hard as I can and fall short than count myself out before I even let myself try and settle for less and think, oh, well, I don't really know if I would have been able to do that. The freak. If any part of me thinks I can do it, I'm gonna try and I'm gonna give it my best, and then I'm gonna just be so, so giddy with myself. Gosh, Tess. Look at you. That's great. Did you know you could do that? Well, yeah, maybe you set that bigger goal and look how much you accomplished anyway. I shared on a previous episode, I'm gonna do more on this. I shared on a previous episode how I set a goal for myself in 2025 to read 10 books a month, which I've never done in my entire life. And I just still thought, you know, I'm gonna read 10 books a month. And January, now we're a few days into February, January just passed. And my final book count for January, on the last day of January, I finished my eighth book. I read eight books. And to be fair, I listened to one on Audible. So I read seven books and I listened to one on Audible. So eight books total I completed in January. Never have I done that before. And it was less than I envisioned for myself. I envisioned 10. I set the goal of 10 for myself. And even though I got eight, it was so much more rewarding than I possibly could have imagined. It was so much more invigorating to just plow through these books and consider myself an excellent reader. Consider myself that someone that enjoys reading in their spare time. I enjoy reading before bed now. I enjoy reading in the morning. Gosh, I'm like jumping out of bed, getting my book because I want to see what happens next. I never thought I'd be that kind of person, you guys. And eight books. Eight books I finished in January. Should I feel like, oh man, but I didn't get to 10. No part of me feels disappointed. Did I read 10? No. Was my goal 10? Yes. Do I still feel incredibly proud that I read eight? Yes. Incredibly proud. And I know if I can read eight in January, What are the chances that I can read eight, nine, or 10 in February? Much higher. Now imagine if I had set the goal though at two books. Honestly, friends, there's not very many times I've read two books in a month. So that could have been a great goal. Three books could have been a great goal. And how sad would it have been though if I set the bar low and I made it with plenty of time to spare? Or maybe I procrastinated between books. I got distracted easily because the goal wasn't big enough to really challenge me. Anyway, more to come on that. I'm just saying, though, with this idea of being that lucky mom or that poor mom, the way you view yourself, the goals and what you're striving for, set a big freaking goal for yourself. It's just like the book's example. Wouldn't you rather set an enormous goal and get kind of close to that, than to set a really small goal for yourself and make it. I would rather set the enormous goal and just head in that direction. Even if the goal takes me longer to accomplish than I thought it would, think about that. If you know in your heart the mom that you want to be, does it really matter how long it takes you to do it? So long as you just keep trying, you just keep going that direction. You tell me, Tessa, I really want to be that lucky mom. I'm battling all these negative thoughts. I really want to be that lucky mom. Then why would you ever stop striving for it? Why would you ever stop striving for the mentality that would support you being the lucky mom? Even if it takes you a month, two months, three months, a year, two years, three years, how long did it take me to be able to freaking understand that, Tessa, you actually can forgive people 12 years, 12 years. I will, granted, for a lot of that time, I didn't even know I wanted to forgive people. So there's that. Maybe if I knew I wanted to forgive people, I would have accomplished it sooner. The goal though, accomplishing that goal of being the person I want to be was well worth the 12 years it took to get there. And then 12 years in, now I've switched it up, right? And I started my mindset coaching, started having babies, and six years later, let me tell you, it's been worth all the time to get where I am. So do you wanna be a poor mom or do you wanna be a lucky mom? The choice is yours. Anyone can look at your life and say, oh, poor mom. And it's up to you to refuse that narrative in your motherhood. You are a lucky mom. It's up to you in the moment to flip the script, to be able to hold your screaming child where people are like, oh, that poor mom, that poor mom. Say, do you have any idea how lucky I am to know this boy while he's so young? Before I get to see him as an adult, I get to actually know him as a child. Do you have any idea how lucky I am? Imagine what this boy's gonna do in the world. And I'm gonna be one of the very, very, very few people, maybe three, four, five people in his life that really knew him as a child. And you're telling me I'm poor mom? I don't think so. Look at that perspective. It's just a shift. It's just a shift. And I'm encouraging you now, to just take the stance that you're a lucky mom. Why not? Why not you? Why can't you be the lucky mom? I think you should. I think it's worth a shot. I think it's worth setting the goal. It's worth striving for a little bit more than the poor mom hood. I think so. And if you need help along the way, well, guess what? I have my coaching membership up, running, and totally thriving, ready to welcome you inside of it. It's been such a fantastic experience. Coaching mothers inside of the membership group, the mom set membership, Where every week we do live coaching sessions, we have Q&A sessions, we have daily support coaches, myself included, inside of our membership. So you come and you ask questions and you gain other, you gain better perspectives from other people. Yes, you learn actual practical tools that you can teach to your spouse, to your parents, to your kids. And that's what's so important about this work. It's not just about you. It's what you can do for others too. If you're showing up as the mom you want to be, what does that do for your kids? If you're showing up as the wife you want to be, what does it do for your spouse? If you're showing up as the daughter you want to be, what does it do for your parents? If you're showing up as the daughter-in-law you want to be, what does it do for your in-laws? Think about every area of your life. If you're showing up as the person you want to be, what does it do for others? This work is so much bigger than you. I know you might be thinking, oh my gosh, it's going to be so hard to change my mindset. Believe me, it's going to be much more difficult not to. Much more difficult to state the negative thoughts, much more difficult to consider yourself a poor mom. Are you kidding me? I'm basically sprinting down the beach. I'm so excited because I'm a lucky mom. Not because one way I get the shoes or one way I don't, either way I'm getting the fricking shoes. So why not think just a more empowered approach about it, a more faithful, light-hearted, giddy approach about myself, about life, about everything that I get to do. Why not? Why not you? My membership, that's why I wanted to create this membership. You guys know I've been running group coaching, 12 week sessions, five weeks, things like that. And for a lot of, for a lot of mothers, it's been completely inaccessible. And I just didn't like that. I wanted to create something more accessible just to slash down the prices that it would require for people to receive quality coaching and exceptional tools and accountability and challenge and community and excitement. and goals, and just the permission to dream and see again. I wanted to provide that at a really affordable and accessible rate, and a place that anyone could join, and that's on our app. So if you've been on the fence about getting some coaching, and you're trying to consider what's the best option for you, let me just tell you, the Moms at Membership, our coaching community membership style, is $97 a month. You get access to my courses, weekly coaching with myself and my other coaches, and an incredible community of empowered mothers that are like, Holy crap, I get it now. And if you want to get it now, then you got to get in now. Okay? So I linked it for you down in the show notes. I hope it touches you. I hope you meet us over there. And honestly, for $97 a month, what the heck do you have to lose? You got a negative mindset? See if it helps. I bet you it will. To do something different, to see things differently, to see yourself as someone that can change it all. See yourself as someone that could have what you want. Oh, wait, are you someone that knows what you want? I can help you with that. What do you have to lose? Give it a try for a month, right? Maybe you love it the first month. You say, okay, I'll do another month. I really enjoyed this, and I want to get to that next course. Great. Do it another month. You can cancel anytime. You're the one in control. of your life, of your life and of your influences. And I believe that it's a great honor and privilege to be someone that gets to share influence in your life. And you get to decide how long I have the opportunity to do that. So I am just cheering you on. I'm so grateful that I had that experience on the beach. And like I said, I did read eight books in January. I'm striving for 10 in February. And no matter what, I'm just giddy that I've come this far. so I want to be giddy for you, friend. I hope it's been a wonderful year thus far, and I'm excited to chat with you next week.