Mindset in Marriage! Our first glimpse

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment Podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. Oh, my goodness gracious. 39 weeks pregnant, my friends, and a couple days. Um, no baby yet, obviously. But, you know, that could change literally tonight. So whenever you're listening to this, check in on Instagram. That's gonna be where the updates are shared the fastest. And I'm feeling really good about the upcoming birth. We're doing a home birth, which will be my second. And, yeah, my first home birth went really great with Luke, so I wanted to do it again with this one. And I think that'd be another fun podcast episode to show share, like, my birth stories and things. And maybe we'll do that once this one comes. Why not? Anyway, feeling really excited about that. I've been journaling daily about using the alignment journaling method to mentally rehearse just how I want to show up in my birth. And that is what I believe mindset is most powerful for. Not controlling circumstances, not deciding when I'm going to go into labor, how I'm going to go into labor, exactly the way it's going to go. You know, those aren't necessarily things inside of my control. I have influence, which I would like to use, but not control. But with mindset, what we get to do is feel empowered to overcome anything that we are presented with. And that is such a powerful focus when it comes to birth. And that's why I've been doing the alignment drilling method every day to mentally rehearse and empower myself, lean further into my identity so. So that I know, look, whatever happens and however this goes, if I get transported to the hospital, if there's an emergency, if there's just an unforeseen circumstance, I've got this. I've got this. And I'm not gonna go into my birth fearing all of those things that may not even happen. They may not even happen. Thinking something bad is gonna happen does not mean it's actually going to happen. All it's doing is stealing your peace in the moment where truly everything is safe around you and within you, and you're creating these fears and you really are. Are not able to fully enjoy those present moments. Um, so, yeah, I like to work on those proactively. And just remain in an empowered place. And identity and mindset are a beautiful way to do that. So, of course, alignment, journaling is the thing you can be doing right this second every single day to build that identity, to align with the mindset that you want to. To have, and really instill that in yourself. So today's podcast episode, I really wanted to get super brave, lean into my courage, and talk about mindset in marriage. Honestly, friends, I've wanted to do an episode like this for a long time. I was doing posts on Instagram about mindset in marriage, and it's something I believe in fully. Mindset is a part of every single aspect of our lives. Anything you think about involves your mindset, and I promise you, you have thoughts about your marriage, you have thoughts about your husband, you have thoughts about intimacy and finances and. And everything that. In, like, the parenting aspect, working together, everything that comes into that together, you have thoughts about it. It's just difficult to navigate from my perspective of sharing that mindset that. So that's why I don't do it very often. It's not because I don't believe in it and find the extreme value in it. And even in my own marriage, every single day, working on my mindset, it's not because it's not important. It's just because it's not well received and I have to make. I have to set boundaries, right? I have to make decisions that allow me to feel my best as well. So I am practicing mindset in my marriage every single day, just like I am with motherhood, if not more or equal. But it's not always something that's worth the criticism that I receive for it, because I'm like, you know, this is something I'm going to do regardless. If you don't want to apply this and all these attacks and terrible things are going to be said about me or my husband, then I just won't talk about it. But I don't know if this pregnancy is just bringing out a dose of courage right before I go into labor or what, but I'm running with it. We're going to try. And. And of course, I love the positive feedback. So let's get started. I thought it'd be best to start this episode talking about mindset and marriage with a story. Um, and I actually have two that I want to share. Well, it could turn into three, because how. I mean, how do you not have a ton of stories to share on this? But I'm going to share two stories. One is going to be More recent. And the other one's going to be when we, when my husband and I had Liam, our first son, who's now 4. And that experience, because you know I'm about to have a baby, so that's relevant. So just a few months ago I was working, doing my group coaching. Now if you're unfamiliar with my coaching, the way it works is inside of my 12 week course, mind Body Alignment, which is not open currently because I'm about to have a baby. Enrollment for that 12 week course for self discovery and healing opens up again December 2022 for New Year's 2023. So I am taking several months to just enjoy my baby and that's a whole other story. And honestly, just experience that I am so much looking forward to because I, I didn't have that opportunity with Liam or Luke. I literally took four days off of coaching with both of them. I never stopped. So this time I am extremely grateful to have the opportunity to take basically four months before I get back into coaching stuff. So anyway, earlier in this year, I think it was like early March that this happened or no, it might have been April, I don't remember. Anyway, my, I was doing a group coaching call for my community, inside of Mind Body Alignment. And in these calls I'm trying to like paint the picture. At the time my desk was in my bedroom, which was right up against the window in my bedroom. And my bedroom window goes right to my backyard. So if my kids are playing outside in the backyard, I can see them, I can hear them, but my room doesn't get like a ton of noise. So normally everything's fine. And whenever I am doing my group coaching sessions, they can last two to three hours. Like they are big time commitments, emotionally, mentally, like it's a lot. But I just stay on the coaching sessions with my group as long as there's questions and that's like my commitment. I will be here as long as there's someone that still has a question, something they want to share, something that needs to be discussed, whatever. So anyway, most of my coaching sessions, two to three hours. My husband knows this and every time I do a coaching session, these were happening twice a week with my group on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And every time I do a coaching session he has our boys and we have a two year old and a four year old. Now my husband is amazing, Amazing. He tries so freaking hard. I mean, gosh, this is a side note but like, if, if I ever just feel frustrated about something that he like didn't do and this is my mindset so valuable. If I ever feel frustrated about something that he didn't do or didn't think about, whatever. If I just look at him, he just looks so confused sometimes. Oh, my gosh. And I just feel like that is the proof of, like, we don't think the same. We don't think the same. We're not focusing on the same things. We don't prioritize the same things. And that's honestly okay. Like, we can communicate through that. It doesn't mean that he's a terrible person. It doesn't mean that I'm a terrible person. It just means that this right here is a miscommunication. And just the look on his face is very clear to me that he does not know what I'm thinking in that moment. So that's a side note, but that's kind of my husband in a nutshell. He tries extremely hard and. And he does. I see him do a lot of proactive things, but there are totally times that I can see how he thinks what he's doing is the right thing and the best thing, and it kind of misses something else in the picture. And again, mindset is. Is beautiful because it allows us to have grace and compassion for other people. But I'm telling you that grace and compassion is very difficult to have for other people when you don't have it for yourself. So if you find yourself criticizing your husband a lot, having a negative mindset about your marriage or your husband and having a lot of negative thoughts, there you are likely doing it to yourself first and then bringing it into your marriage. Which is why I really love to focus on self discovery and healing within the individual and then seeing how it changes what you're looking at in motherhood and marriage. And it really is all connected. But you have to remember that it just starts with you. It starts with you. So anyway, I was doing a coaching session, and I was probably about 30 minutes into it, not very far, and I'm standing at my desk right against the window, and I know I hear this really loud noise. And I was like, what the heck is this loud noise? And I knew my husband and kids were in the backyard, so they were in the backyard playing. I was inside doing my coaching call, and I hear the super loud noise. And I'm like, why does that sound like a lawnmower? Why. Why do I hear a lawnmower right now right outside my freaking window? So I look out the window, and sure enough, my kids are outside with my husband and my Husband's starting to mow our backyard. Now. We don't have a huge yard, but it does take time to mow this freaking yard. And meanwhile, I'm trying to stay present and engaged with coaching, listening to the stories that are being shared, answering the questions, like, doing my job. And I hear this freaking lawnmower, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna mute my mic so that they don't hear the lawnmower too. And I'm gonna text my husband. And it might have been the weed eater at first, but he did both, guys. He freaking did both. He did the weed eating on the sides. And my husband's very particular about the yard, so he, like, does the whole process of weed eating, and then he does the lawn mowing. It was just going on and on and on. And I finally told my community. I was like, listen, I don't know if you guys can hear it, but my husband is mowing the lawn right now. I'm trying to get his attention. I sent him literally, like, four text messages and just kept calling his phone. Like, I could see him right out the window. He was not aware that his phone was vibrating in his pocket while he was mowing the lawn. He certainly wasn't going to hear it over the lawnmower. And I'm just doing the best I can in that moment to keep my community updated on what's going on. I'm still here, still involved, still present. Um, but I'm trying to get the noise result. And I found myself so frustrated. And initially, like, everyone in the group is like, you can barely hear it. It's no big deal. It will be over soon. Like, you know, be an awesome mindset cheerleaders for their coach. And I'm just looking out the freaking window, like, feeling like I'm fuming. And the reason why I felt like I was fuming was because I was focusing on me. I was focusing on, how can you not understand and think about the freaking fact of how loud a lawnmower is? And your wife is working really hard inside doing this call that happens every freaking week at this exact time. And you're just out there doodling around with the lawnmower doing something that does not need to be done right now. Those were my thoughts. Like, super judgmental of my husband, very critical, aggressive. And I was feeling it. I was feeling the aggression. I was feeling the irritability and just the anger towards him of, like, are you freaking kidding me? Like, and you're not answering your phone. Of course you don't Answer your phone. The one time you don't answer your phone is when I'm freaking calling. Like, just. That's not even true. It's not even true. But all the things I was telling myself in that moment was this very narrow perspective of, poor me. I am the victim in what is happening, and you need to know that what you're doing is wrong. And of course, I can't do. Just go out there and tell you, or I can't just say all this because I'm on a live freaking session. Again, poor me, the victim in this whole. This whole situation. But I think what helped me so much was being on that call. It forced me to stay accountable and. And not get so fixated on this one thing. Because obviously, if I wasn't on that call, I could just go out there and be like, are you freaking kidding me? Wave my arms around, like, wow, way to be super considerate. This is ridiculous. You should know. Like, I could have just reacted. And I try really hard. I try super hard to be responsive. Like, that's one of my I am statements that I feel very strongly attached to. I build my whole mindset around it. I journal about it. Responsive, responsive, responsive. I give myself permission to process before I respond. I do not react. And I really try to condition myself with that. But being on that call helped to buy me time to stay responsive because I wanted to react. I wanted to just go with those thoughts that were so convenient. And it's like, oh, I got him. This is all on him. And that just sounds awful to say out loud, but seriously, it's where I was at at the time. But anyway, what had happened was, stay on that call. I challenged myself because I could just feel this anger. And I challenged myself, and I was like, you know, this is actually really good for me. It's really good for me to not have this easy out to go. Project everything that I'm feeling onto my husband right now and stay on that call. I looked out the window again, and I did this very, very mindfully. I understood that the thoughts I was having, I stayed conscious of this whole thing. The thoughts I was having were aggressive, critical, judgmental of my husband. And now I'm feeling like this victim in this whole situation. And I wanted to change the perspective. I knew that if I looked for other evidence, I could help myself come back down and feel better. And this is all happening on the call. So, like, yes, I'm engaged. But, like, my mind was also going to this place of, like, come on, get regulated. Come on, Come back down. Like, try again. That's. That's where I wanted my mind to go, is just, try again, try again, try again. There's no need to feel this upset when you are safe. I am safe in this moment. Right. I don't. I don't need this anger. I don't. And I don't want to be reactive towards my husband. I truly don't. And this is my chance to show up as the responsive wife that I know I am. I just need another chance. So I. I got my mindset back to trying again, and I looked out the window, and you know what I saw the second time I looked out the window? I saw my husband sweating in the heat. Sweating in the heat, taking care of our yard. I saw my husband outside with our two kids, who he intentionally took outside into the backyard to keep our home quiet for my work. So I see my considerate husband working hard with these intentions of staying productive while he's outside with the kids getting something done that he wants done, too, just like I do when I'm with them. That second look out the window was so powerful for me, and it really. I feel emotional even talking about that, but it just. It just felt like I need to take a second look more often. And, guys, I'm a freaking mindset coach. Like, this is what I do. And there are still times that my husband totally gets the shortest end of it because I don't take a second look. I just go with the first thought. Poor me. But my husband had the kids outside because he was being considerate of my work. My husband was mowing the lawn because he wants to be productive and care for the things that we have and have a yard that looks nice for his family to play in. We play in that yard every single day. Like, it's. It was so clear to me, like, how hard he was trying. Did he. Did he miss a little detail in there about, like, the lounge, the lawnmower being loud, and your wife's on a call? Yeah, he missed that detail. You want to know how many details I miss in a day? A lot. A lot. I mean, sometimes the detail I miss is honestly including him in the breakfast. That sounds awful. But seriously, that's happened, and that sucks. Right? So it's not. I just think this idea of, like, husbands are so terrible, and they're always. I mean, there's so many stories we could share here. And before I even talk about that, I want you to know that I understand. Not all husbands are my husband. Not all marriages are healthy not all people are meant to be together, especially forever. Right, I get that. But I also understand that sometimes it really is our thoughts about the situation that blow it up out of proportion. So two days later, you're still arguing with your spouse, and you guys honestly can't remember what pissed you off in the first place? I've been there, totally been there, and it sucks. So I just think that if you are in a marriage that you want to stay in, you believe is healthy, and maybe it's just a mindset tweak that really needs to be focused on and more you figuring out how to be the wife you want to be instead of trying to mold your husband into the husband you want him to be. Like, honestly, taking the total ownership. I do this too, speaking from personal experience. Taking the total ownership to take that step back and say, like, am I being the wife that I want to be regardless of where I am or what's going on? Am I handling this in a way that I feel proud of? No. Are you kidding me? Storming into the backyard, waving my arms around, yelling at my husband in front of my kids? Yeah. No to all of the above. That does not align with who I want to be. But it would be easy to say, well, you made me so mad. My husband doesn't make me anything. He can't make me yell. He can't make me stay fixated on one perspective instead of considering his perspective too. Right. And I just feel like that's so important for us to keep in mind. I know moms carry a lot. I know that things come more natural to us than they do to men sometimes, and I understand that. But I also don't think that that's a bad thing. I don't think it's bad that we. If I'm considering, I'm just speaking from personal experience. I don't think it's bad that my mind just knows exactly what to do. I don't think it's bad that I have this nurturing intuition that makes it so obvious to me of what my kids need. I don't think it's bad that I see something that needs to be done. I just do it. I love that about me. If someone else would like to put that, like, instill that in themselves, great. I hope I inspired it. But I love that about me. And I'm not going to pretend like it's a bad thing because someone else. It's not natural for them. That makes it even better for me. If it is natural for me and it's not natural for them. I think I'm doing a really freaking great job. But I know that criticizing and shaming someone because something isn't natural is not going to help them pick up on it. It's not going to encourage them to be willing to try it next time. There's always a reason why people do what they do, right? So anyway, I took the second look out the window, changed my entire perspective and it was the coolest experience and why I wanted to share here because I instantly just felt so much relief like, and it wasn't just the relief, it was looking out the window and truly appreciating my husband. So I went from looking out the window feeling so irritated to looking out the window feeling so grateful and appreciative of who he is, what he does, how he does it, how hard he freaking tries. And honestly, how silly it is, how silly it was that he's just out there like the lawn with our kids thinking he's doing a great job and I'm just insane side, like this is really loud like, but he had no idea. And I feel like that part is the silly part. It doesn't have to be the part that I respond to with anger. It could be the part that I respond to light hearted and with humor. Like he doesn't even know. This isn't to upset me. Why, why on earth would my husband want to piss me off? Why would he want to be the person causing noise when I'm on this group coaching session? I don't think that's what he wants. Right. It's just not where his mind was at. And that's understandable because my mind goes to those places too where I don't consider every little freaking detail in every other single person. And we, we can do that. We can empathize with other people. So anyway, a few, it was probably like 10 minutes after that or so my husband gets dumped the yard and walks by the window, mind you, dripping sweat. He's dripping sweat. He has a huge black trash bag on his back full of the grass clippings because he emptied out the lawnmower because he is a super hard working person. I'll tell you flat out, I have never mowed the lawn once at my house and we've been in this home for two years. So yeah, he's working really hard doing all of that on his own. I pull weeds, but you know, I actually enjoy that. So anyway, he has this huge black trash bag on his back and he walks by the window and he stops at the Window pull. And he had his phone in his hand. And he holds up the phone to the window and he mouths to me, I'm sorry. And he's like, showing me his phone. And I could just tell, like, I'm so glad that I changed my mindset. I'm so glad that I wasn't the person that shamed you and criticized you and turned this into a huge thing that it didn't have to be. And that I'm looking at this man that I love so much, dripping in sweat with a big black trash bag on his back, that he loves me. He loves me so much. And this is not something he would do intentionally. And I just felt like, so flooded with that gratitude and appreciation and forgiveness and I didn't have to nail it into him further. Like, that's. I shared this story on Instagram a few months ago and I got so many messages saying, well, did you have a conversation with him after? Like, I feel like you kind of have to follow that up. And I just don't think that. I don't think we always have to follow up, you know? You know, that was wrong. Like, I just can't believe you did that. What were you thinking? Like, what the frick am I supposed to say that isn't extremely obvious that my husband already understands? He already understands that was loud. He had four text messages saying, hey, this is loud. I'm on my call. The lawnmower is loud. Like, can we do this another time? Like, he already got that part. I called 10 times trying to get his attention. Like, he could see how probably stressful that was for me to experience. He already got that, so what is the point, really? And me further down drilling it in and hitting it home when he already got the message. He already got the message. He feels bad. He says that he was sorry. I understand it wasn't his intention to make this, like, loud noise while I'm on my call. It wasn't his intention. His intention was mow the freaking lawn and keep the kids quiet outside. But I think that sometimes, if we could just have that approach too, with our mindsets, like, not everything needs to be drilled in and hit home. And sometimes it would even bring us closer faster if we showed up with a compassionate. I can totally see, like, that you did do the best you could and that you had this idea that mowing the lawn right now is a great idea. And I get it. I get it. You were outside trying to be quiet. Like, so. No, I didn't have a follow up conversation. I just Felt good about it, and it hasn't ever happened again. I imagine that my husband actually got the message. So anyway, that was the first story that I want to share of how really powerful mindset in marriage can be and just allowing yourself to shift your perspective. And you're like, tessa, where do I start? Where do I start shifting my perspective in my marriage? Consider your husband's point of view. Pause. My friend, we do not have to react to everything that happens. Slow down, slow down. Just like I was saying, a part of my identity is totally responsive. I am responsive. I am responsive. Remind yourself that you are responsive. You're totally capable of it and you can do it more. So I am responsive. Start there. And then in any given moment, ask yourself, how do I be responsive? Right now, you're feeling yourself really worked up. You're feeling yourself irritated towards your husband, you're feeling yourself irritated towards your kids. Whatever. You're noticing that you're having a negative story run through your mind about why someone's doing what they're doing. Pause and ask yourself, I am responsive. How do I show up responsive? Right now, all of your feelings are valid. I'm not saying that I had no right to feel irritated. I totally had a right to feel irritated, and I can feel that. But I don't want to. I don't want to feel irritated at my husband when I see him working hard, mowing the freaking lawn. I don't want to carry this irritation throughout my three hour coaching session. I don't want to get off of a three hour coaching session, walk out to my husband, who just did. Playing with the kids, bath, dinner, bedtime, cleaned the house, did everything on those evening calls that I do and express to him how irritated I am that he mowed the lawn while I was on my call. I don't want to do that. I really don't want to. I don't want to be that wife. I don't want to feel that way. And I don't want that to be what my conversations with my husband are about. After we've both been working hard. There are there. There are times that we have to talk about the things that happen. But don't you think we can do that, like, respectfully, compassionately, productively, and proactively? Like, does it have to be shaming each other, racing in an argument to the seat of the victim who got it worse? That's what we're doing. We're racing to be the victim, and we don't have to do that. There are other ways to communicate and handle things. So when people are like, well, you have every right to feel irritated. Sure I do. But it's also my responsibility if I feel irritated. I mean, I did that. No one else can make me feel irritated. I got myself in that position, and it's my job to get myself out. So if I can shift out of that irritation faster, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that because I feel so much better. When I feel grateful and appreciative and joyful, energetic and excited, that's when I feel better. And I was absolutely, in that moment, the wife that I want to be. When I was able to correct myself, change the story, and shift the way I felt about my husband, that's who I want to be. I don't want to be the wife that never feels irritated or never. I mean, never addresses difficult conversations or speaks up for myself. Like, that's not what mindset is. Mindset is not about just being okay with who people are, and there's nothing you can do, so you better just accept it. That's not mindset. That sounds like a victim mentality. That sounds negative. Mindset is being able to look at your circumstances and understand, this is something I can handle. I can do xyz, not I am stuck. There's nothing I can do. I mean, you could leave your marriage. You could. That is a mindset saying that you have to stay is a mindset saying that I could leave, that I could make these massive changes. I could do XYZ is mindset. So I really just want us to focus again. Just focus on our perspective first. And like I was trying to explain before my pregnancy courage took me away, when you want to know where to start with this, I truly feel that starting by considering the other person's perspective is so helpful and healthy. It helps you see. Like, are all of my thoughts facts right now? No. The answer is automatically no, because thoughts are not facts. And. And are all of my thoughts helpful right now? Are any of them hurtful right now? Wow. I'm noticing about 80% of them are hurtful. Let's pull in, guys. Let's make more helpful thoughts. Like, there are things we can do within our mindset. And it doesn't mean that you're never going to talk to your husband about what's bothering you. It means you're going to do a much better job talking to your husband about what's bothering you. It doesn't mean that he's never going to do something that bothers you. It means that you're going to handle that so much better, so much better that you feel proud of the wife you are and the way you're handling it. And I would imagine that when you handle it that well, your husband feels attached to you more. He feels connected to you more. This is the woman that I love. I mean, seriously, when we come out there ranting, raving, throwing our hands around, shaming our husbands, criticizing them again, how connected do they feel to us? Do you think they feel very, like, desired on their end? And do you think that they have this strong desire to change their behaviors when now they're feeling probably extremely defensive, hurt, ashamed. Not awesome feelings either. Right? So when we wonder where to start, go back to an I am statement. I am responsive. Have an affirmation I give myself permission to process before I respond. Get the word freaking react out of your mind. That's what people ask me is how am I supposed to react when my husband does this? I'm like, don't, don't react. That's the problem. Respond. Process what's happening and respond in alignment with who you want to be. Because you don't control your husband, you don't control them, you don't control your kids. Right? But they don't control you either. So if you know who you are, you're just showing up to the circumstances. Instead of them piling on top of you, you're showing up to them. This is who I am. This is what I think. Now, how am I going to do what I need to do through the circumstance that I've been given? Your eyes see what your mind looks for. So the second look I took out the window, I'm looking for my husband's perspective. Why is he doing what he's doing? Oh, he's outside because he wanted to keep the kids quiet. He's mowing the lawn because he is a hard working, productive person, just like me, that likes to make the most of his time and get things done that need to be done. And he likes a nice yard, which I'm okay with. Like, that helped me. So that would. I mean, I feel that is a very obtainable first step. Step when it comes to trying to build out your mindset in marriage. Who are you as a wife? Who do you want to be as the wife? How would you describe her? Seriously? List out three to five descriptive traits that really just embody the wife you want to be. And just for fun, let's compare those three to five traits to how you would describe the wife you've been the wife you've been showing up as, is that in alignment with the wife that you want to be? Yes or no? I'm willing to bet that's a no. And then we have to ask ourselves, well, whose responsibility is that? If we are showing up as the wives that we want to be, as the women, as the mothers that we want to be just in our life? Whose responsibility is it for us to be who we want to be, to experience what we want to experience, to handle things in a way that we feel proud of? Who the frick's job is? That it's ours. It's ours and we get to do it regardless. If you stay in this relationship that you're in or not, you get to feel proud of you. You get to love the way that you do things. You get to love your freaking self. And then if things change and you end up not in this relationship, well, gosh, you're going to make some awesome freaking decisions moving forward because you know your worth, you know who you are, you're going to attract that. So start with that I am statement. And why not? Why not write out three to five descriptive traits of how you describe who you've been as a wife. Have you been resentful? Have you been angry? Have you been critical? Have you been judgmental? How, how are we supposed to feel good if that's who we're allowing ourselves to be and we're putting the responsibility of who we are and what we think and what we do on someone else? I'm not saying all marriages are healthy. I'm not saying you should stay in your marriage. I don't know anything about your marriage. I'm just saying that being who you want to be is the first and most effective way to start changing your mindset in any relationship and any environment that you're in. Start empowering yourself. Get into alignment with who you want to be. But you have to get clear on that. So list out three to five traits, the wife you want to be. And then ask yourself, how do I be that wife? How do I be responsive right now? Tessa, look out the window again. What do you see? I see a hard working man that loves me and his kids so much and takes great pride in his yard, which is funny and it's silly that he's just walking around the grass and I'm in here feeling so annoyed that he doesn't understand the noise that he's making. And it's just pulling myself back in to understand, like not one of these women on this call is angry with me, attacking me. I'm safe. I'm totally safe right here. It's just noise and it's going to end. And if I really wanted to, I could walk into the backyard and be like, hey, babe, I tried to text you, but I totally get that you're not getting your phone calls right now because the lawnmower is on, but it is really loud, so can we do this after? Like, I could have done that too, and I didn't. I have choices because I'm empowered. But in order to see all your choices, you have to have a mindset that looks for them. You are creative. You. You are so freaking creative. You are solutions oriented, and your mind is wicked quick to give you solutions when you ask for them. Now, there's a lot that we could talk about with mindset and marriage, but. And I did have a plan to share another story, but now we're. We're getting a little lengthy here, so we'll do another episode about mindset and marriage in the upcoming time. I won't promise next episode because, I don't know, maybe I want to talk about my baby by then. But I want to encourage you, if you do want to really start working on your mindset in your marriage, please, please, please read up on and really just invest in your mindset. I have the alignment journaling course ready for you, and you could apply that entire course to your marriage. And guess what? The first thing I coach you through in that course is your identity, who you want to be. That is where it all comes from. Where it all comes from. And if you're like, gosh, I just don't even know where to start. Use the course. Let it teach you. Let it guide you. That's why I made it, because I wanted to do that for you. And I journal through my circumstances through marriage all the time. All the time. I am mentally rehearsing who I am as a wife and what I do and setting those clear intentions for myself. And. And I cannot even begin to tell you how much it has changed me as a wife. And now I'm happy to say my husband journals every morning, too. Now, it didn't start that way. It didn't start that way. I've been journaling this method for three years. And about two months ago, he sat down next to me on the couch early one morning and asked me how to journal. I never picked up a journal saying, I need to do this, so my husband starts doing it. No, I needed to do it so that I could start feeling the way that I want to feel and being who I want to be. And this is right for me. So I'm applying it to me. It's been three years. I've done it in front of my kids, I've done in front of my husband. I've done in front of every single person in my family. I'm pretty sure at some point or another, they all know that I journal. And slowly but surely people have come around. But it wasn't the intention. The intention was to work on me, to help me be who I want to be, get my crap figured out first. And I love that. And you can do that, too. So don't start the course with the intention of changing your husband's mindset. Start the course with the intention of empowering yourself, becoming who you want to be, changing your mindset. That's the gold. Being who you want to be, being proud of you, Being like, dang, I handled that really freaking well. I'm so proud of myself. This feels great. That's how I felt taking that second look out the window. I was like, I am so, so proud of myself. And I avoided that entire fight that really did not need to happen. So way to go, Tess. Proud of you. So, yeah, the alignment journaling course is something that you can use now. I'll coach you through identity. I give you the guidelines in there. There's four lessons, video modules, so you have reading material, material that you can watch. And there's 15 examples in there to coach you through exactly how you can start every single journaling session so you're never lost prompts that you can use in those 15 examples. And when you purchase the course and you're subscribed to the email list, don't forget to subscribe to the email list. Every month. I do topic emails. Topic emails. So for the rest of July, we're doing a birth focus. So I've sent out three or four emails now I can't remember with a birth focus. So we're talking about construct contractions and pain and just mindset when. When it comes to everything to do with birth, communicating boundaries. Who the frick do you want in the room that matters? So those have been going out all of July. If you purchase the alignment journaling course before August 1st and you just email me info body by mommy dot com. You just email me that you want the birth emails from July, I will send them to you. But after August 1st, I'm not backtracking them any longer. And in August, our topic switches over to postpartum so we're going to talk about postpartum then the hormones of fluctuation, fluctuations, help, asking for help if you don't have a lot of help, recovery, body image, night sweats, all of it. Newborns, breastfeeding, all of that we can include in the postpartum topics that are going to go out all through August. And then just to give you even more excitement, September. Our topic is marriage. So it's definitely worth definitely worth beginning your journaling practice now, giving yourself the opportunity to build a mindset that supports you and get into this habit of journaling that way. As you're receiving my emails that coach you a little bit further on specific topics, examples how you can journal about these things, I can help you even further. So yeah, just send me a simple email if you want the birth ones from July. August is postpartum, September is marriage and we will just keep on with a topic every month for from there. So thank you so much for letting me be a part of your mindset journey and what I consider to be such a meaningful way. And I truly hope that this episode, as well as all of the resources and content that I put out serves you. Because that's always, always, always my first intention is how can I serve? What can I put out that serves someone today and the person that I want to serve? What do they need to hear today? That's always what I ask myself. So thanks so much for being here for your support. I hope that this message lands well and if it doesn't, well, I've got my courage to help me through. All right. Goodbye friends. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.