Welcome Back! Why Should You Change Your Mindset?

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to help teach you all the skills, tools, and encouragement that you need to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be, while going through a healing journey that allows you to build a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get started. Hey. Hey, girlfriend. I'm so glad that you're here, and I'm so glad to be back with you. We are kicking off season two talking about why it's so important for you to be focusing on your mindset right now. And I feel so called to deliver this message in this way and right now, as the first episode, because I know for a fact that there are so many women struggling in motherhood or in their careers, in their relationships, and worst of all, with the relationship they have with themselves. And I truly believe that we don't get to control most of our circumstances. And as unfortunate as that sounds, what you do get to control is what you think, say and do about those circumstances. When you feel empowered to make changes, you are unstoppable. But when you're on your own head and you're telling yourself that you can't do it and it's always going to be this hard and you'll never have the right kind of resources, tools, skills, or be that kind of person, that changes when you believe that. I mean, nail in the coffin, girlfriend, you're not going to change. And when we don't get to control our circumstances, you have to think, well, then what is in my control? What you do about them, that's what's in your control. And I hope that you learned this lesson faster than I did, because I feel like it took me so freaking long to learn this that I don't get to control. If I grew up with a pedophile, I don't get to control how other people in my family treat me or how people are going to treat me on social media or the fact that I had a miscarriage two weeks ago. I don't get to control any of that. But I do control me, and that's all I need. I used to think that I needed to control every little situation. And especially as a mom, I need to control how my. How my kids are sleeping. I need to control. Make sure they're not fighting and they're going to be kind to people and they're going to do this and this and this and all the things that I ask him to do. And don't scream in the car. I mean, how overwhelming does that sound? Just in the last 10 seconds? Pretty overwhelming. So this isn't about you just being positive about everything. It's. It's really not what. It's what it is. I'm not trying. I'm not asking you to try and find the bright side to a miscarriage. I'm not doing that. I'm not asking you to find the bright side of you possibly going through a divorce or having miscommunications constantly with family members or if you're feeling like you're being attacked by a friend or on social media. I'm not asking you to find the bright side in those things. I'm asking you to protect yourself within your own mind. That's what mindset is. It's protecting yourself. It's changing your thoughts, it's expanding your perspective so that you don't have to suffer. And if there's anything that I can bring to you in this space, I want it to be the empowerment to do just that. I know not everyone agrees with me. I know that some people think that I truly am toxically positive. And although I could not disagree with that more, and I'm kind of just pouring out my heart to you guys right now because I feel so strongly called in this direction. I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stop. And I receive hundreds of messages on social media about how simple mindset swaps have changed motherhood for this, for this mom. Or it's changed her marriage, it's changed her career, it's changed her because she's willing to think differently. And someone, myself, is willing to show you how to do that. You know what? You're not powerless. You're not. You're not failing. No. You have so much possibility within you and you have so much ability to accomplish everything. Anything that your mind says that you can do or dreams up. How. Why would a dream be there if you can't do it? I just want you to believe in yourself. So when it comes to this episode and why it's so important to change your mindset about things, honestly, it's because you don't get to control your circumstances. Sometimes we are between a rock and a hard spot, and it feels like the whole weight of the world's on our back. I mean, just think of this whole past 18 months for people, if we haven't learned yet that we can't control the world, and no matter how mean and ugly people get, it's not going to solve the problem. And the best thing that we can do is focus on ourselves and having our own good headspace and prioritizing our own health and taking care of our own families and stop trying to shame people into changing. If we haven't learned that yet, I really don't know when we're going to learn it. So I don't know, maybe I can help you learn it a little bit faster if you haven't. Or keep you on this good straight and narrow path if you're already on it but you're feeling a little, little bit weary. Let's do it together. Because you and I both know that we're not going to change the world by name calling. We're not going to change the world by creating more division. We're going to change the world by nurturing what's within our four walls of our home and by really just healing and focusing on our own minds. When you decide to see the best in people and situations and your circumstances, your life gets better. That's why I want you to change your mindset. Because you don't get to control the circumstances. If your kids are screaming at you, you don't control them. You also don't control if and when they're going to wake up in the middle of the night or what time they're going to wake up in the morning. You don't control if there's going to be tantrums or if they're going to start fighting or how your husband feels about his day at work. You don't control those things, but you do control. And you are responsible for how you think about them and how you show up when they happen. You control what you do about it. But let me ask you, what are you going to do about that tantrum? What are you going to do when your child wakes up early in the morning and you weren't ready to get up? What are you going to do when they were up throughout the night or your husband does come home in that bad mood? What are you going to do when your mind is only telling you the negative things there? Of course he came home in a bad mood because he's always like this. I can never just count on him to be lighter when he comes home. He's having a hard time. He's having a hard time. And our unwillingness to connect with people when they're having a hard time doesn't solve the problem. Yes, you can be having a hard Time, too. I know in your mind right now you're saying, tessa, you're borderline toxically positive right now. Because I'm having a hard time, too, my friend. I get it. I really do. If my husband comes home in a sour mood, it affects me, too. But when I reframe my mind to, wow, he's had a really hard day. How can we focus on connecting right now and helping each other and just resetting because we're home, he doesn't have to bring home work home with him, and I don't have to dump every hard part about my day on him as soon as he walks in the door. So I personally have a personal boundary. When my husband comes home, I make it a point to greet him and share one good thing before I say or do anything else. So if I need to vent about the day, if I need to talk about how Liam didn't listen or how Luke cried his eyes out, or how Luke basically broke my toe a couple weeks ago, he dropped a steel water bottle on it and my toe still hurts. So if I need to just get all of that out and talk to my person, I. I can do that after I greet him and say one good thing. So when my mind is in a good place and I'm able to say, okay, this is hard on both of us, I'm just going to greet him and say the one good thing first, and then we can talk about what needs to be talked about. But after we've been talking about the good thing, a lot of times, I feel supported. I feel connected. I feel like things are just resolving themselves without me having to rehash the entire day and all the hard moments, and my mind focusing only on those hard moments in the mindset portion of things doesn't help me either. Because as moms, when we're only focusing on the tantrum or the miss Snap or the schedule that got thrown off or the meal that wasn't eaten, or the. The kids fighting each other or any of the. Any of the hard things. If we're only focusing on those, and we never see a different perspective in things, you're going to equate motherhood to just being hard and difficult and miserable and exhausting and overwhelming. That's all motherhood's going to be to you. And you and I both know it's so much more than that. So call me toxically positive. If you're new here and you just decide that this podcast isn't the right thing for you, my account isn't the right thing for you, so be it. Be on your merry way. But if you're here and you're serious about focusing on your mindset and the things in your control, I want to help you make your life better. Because my life only got better when I started focusing on my mindset about it. Here's an example of how changing my mindset has, I mean, changed me who I am as a person. I told you guys for 12 years, I stayed angry because I grew up with a pedophile for a few years and is incredibly traumatizing for me. And I carried a lot of shame about it. And I've shared this story with you. So if you go back to season one, you can find the entire story and it's the thing that holds you back is the episode, I think it's called, and I've shared it on my Instagram. You can find the story pretty much anywhere. But my mindset about it was, he makes me mad. It's so unfair that this happened to me. I never get to just be happy because I'm so angry at him. I'm never going to be able to get better. I'm never going to be able to let this go. I'm always going to be the grudge holder. That was my mindset. Does that mindset change what happened to me? No. Does it make it better what happened to me? No. Does it validate how I actually feel about what happened to me? No. This is why mindset is so important. Because anytime I told myself, I I'm just always going to be a grudge holder. I'm never going to be able to let this go. I'm never going to get over it. I'll never be able to forgive people. My first therapy session when I was pregnant with Liam, I sat on the couch and I told her, I need you to teach me how to forgive people, because I don't freaking know how. I desperately wanted to be able to forgive, but my mind was convinced that I'd never figure it out. I'd never be able to. I'll never let it go. I'll never just be happy and peaceful with life. So no matter. I mean, the therapist really didn't even teach me how to forgive people. She gave me some good insight, of course, because that's what therapy is so valuable for, and I highly recommend it if you need it. But she didn't teach me how to forgive anybody. I had to keep on working at the mindset part of, well, maybe I can let this go or maybe I can make this Lighter on myself, maybe it doesn't have to be all consuming. And I just slowly change the direction of my thoughts to, oh, man, I really do control myself. I really am responsible for what I think about right now and how I think about him. And when I learned empathy and applying that to my mindset, asking myself, what is he going through? I get it. I know we don't want to ask ourselves that when we have been the person that had bad things happen to us, but we have to understand that hurt people, hurt people. And you holding anger, refusing to forgive, refusing to let things go, refusing to move past things, anything like that, you're just in your mind, not allowing yourself to see anything differently. You're hurting yourself. And I'm saying this from personal experience. I'm not saying this because I'm an expert on the topic or I'm a mental health professional. I've never said any of that about myself. I'm just here to teach you what's worked really well for me, and that's changing my mindset about it. So when I was able to focus on being a hurt person, that ended up hurting me and put himself down this vicious cycle of drugs and alcohol and prostitutes and terrible things, I don't think he's a happy person. I don't think he's someone that I want to be. I don't think that he's the person that I had visualized in my mind. And that's mindset. Mindset's being able to see the other side of things. Even when hard things have happened to you or are happening to you right now, it's seeing something different. And you don't even have to call it positive. If the word positive just makes you cringe and you feel super uncomfortable with it, don't use it. Say, how can I see this differently? And just don't use the word positive? Or notice your own behaviors and your thought patterns. Wow. I'm like, really highlighting all of the negative or bad or hard things right now. Can I help myself feel a little bit lighter and think about the things I'm grateful for. Gratitude and appreciation are huge in healing your mind and feeling good. So when you think about mindset and you think about, you know, why is it so important to change it anyway? It's not going to change my life and what I'm going through. Well, actually, changing your mindset could change your life, because if it helps you feel empowered and capable of and motivated and accomplished and purposeful and fulfilled in your life because your thoughts are telling you that your whole life could change, all of your circumstances could change. If you believed in yourself, if you loved yourself, if you only said nice things to and about yourself, if you decided to see the good in people, maybe you would feel more peaceful and have more faith and hope in humanity instead of, oh, my gosh, everybody's this. Everybody's this. You know, there's so much division. We're never going to see eye to eye. And then all these stressful things, and then look at that person over there. She's freaking toxically positive. Like, if you're not even allowing any good in your mind, how on earth are you planning on feeling better? Do you have a plan to feel better? I know the majority of people here listening to this podcast. I deeply appreciate you because I know you understand what I'm saying. You're not the person calling me toxically positive. You're not the person trying to shame me or humiliate me or do any of that. And I adore you because you see the good work that I'm trying to do, and you're just here for it. And I love that. And I want to be here for you. And like I said, if this is just not the space for you, I'm wishing you the best. I hope you find the good space for you, even if I'm not a part of it. I love that for you. But when it comes to mindset, everybody has a mindset. Everyone. You have a mindset about everything. Everything. About the weather, about relationships, about motherhood, about your work, about cooking, about cleaning, about grocery shopping and planning. And if you were ever going to start your own business, like, literally, you have a mindset about everything. Your mindset is your thoughts. You're constantly thinking something. There's been several studies done. One study said 6,200 thoughts a day is the average. And another study was completely maxed from that. It was between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. So I'm not sure where the clear research is, and I'll keep looking so that we can all feel more informed, but that's a lot of freaking thoughts. That's a lot of thoughts. And obviously we're not going to control all of our thoughts, even if we think on 6200. You're not going to control 6200 thoughts a day, my friend. Subconsciously. Nope. Consciously. Only a small. Only a small percentage of your conscious mind are you controlling. So when I'm asking you to think differently, yeah, it's going to feel hard and it's going to Feel a little bit awkward and uncomfortable because maybe you're not always paying attention to what you're thinking, but you are, in fact, always thinking something. And that is why changing your mindset is so freaking important. Because regardless if you want to stay intentional or not, you're going to think something. So if you're going to think something, you might as well make it something that's going to help you, help you feel better, help you communicate more effectively, help you believe in your abilities to seek out help and ask for what you need, help you in some way. All of that is going to start in your mindset. Because if your mind is saying, well, nobody cares about me. No one's going to be able to help me. I'm hopeless, my friend. That's a mindset, and it is literally keeping you from healing, seeking help, seeking guidance and resources, tools and building skills. It's not helping. So nice deep breaths. Okay? I just wanted to get all this out there for this very first episode of season two. And I promise you that I have so many more tips, tools and encouragement coming for you in this podcast form because I believe in you and I believe in your ability to change your mindset even when someone else is doubting you. As long as you're not doubting yourself, you can do it. All you need is to get your mind on your own side. And I hope that I can be a positive resource in your corner, one of many positive resources. I don't want to be the only one. I want us to form a positive community in your mind. I want us to work together. I want you to have the nicest things to say about yourself and to look at your circumstances and know that you can change them and they aren't permanent. That's what I want you to know. That's why I want your thoughts to go. When you look at your circumstances and you're just super unhappy with something, I want you to believe in yourself and your ability to change things. Because like I said, I always thought that I would struggle with anger. I always thought that I would yell forever and I would never be able to learn a different way to communicate. I always thought that I would never be able to forgive. That's what I thought about myself. And now those thoughts seem so foreign. But I know that it's something that I struggled with for a really long time. So my purpose here is to serve you, and I hope so dearly that you find this podcast to be a beneficial tool for you to pull on whenever you need it. Because guess what? My friend, I'm here with you. Everybody's got negative thoughts, and negativity is not a bad thing. It's not toxic. Negativity is a healthy part of mental wellness. But it's also proven that people with a positive mindset that are more optimistic live longer. So if that doesn't say anything about health and how important it is, I don't know what the frick does. But I believe in you so deeply, I might even believe in you more than you believe in yourself right now. But I'm gonna make it a point to change that. I want you to believe in you more than I believe in you. So, my friends, that's it for today. I want you to keep an eye on your thoughts. I want you to write down what needs to be written down, and I want you to hang out here a little bit more as I share more tips, tools and encouragement with you or reflect on past episodes to see where you can be working on some things too. But for now, watch your thoughts. Just observe them without judgment. That's a great first step. You don't have to judge the thoughts that you have because you're not your thoughts. Just because they're there doesn't mean they're true. Thoughts are just thoughts. I'll see you later. Thank you so much for being here for this week's episode. If this episode served you, please feel free to subscribe to the podcast and share it. I love spreading the message of positivity and healing and how they work together together. My goal is to continue serving you and I can't wait to form more meaningful relationships together here on the podcast and elsewhere, such as Instagram and my email list. We'll talk more soon.