Beware Of THESE Red Flags In The Bedroom!

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back, you nasties! If you're new here, hi, my name is Angel Ardito and I am just an online spicy coach. I like to talk about all things sex, sexuality, and relationships. If you're not new here, you might look around and be able to tell that yes, I am in a hotel room and yes, it has been a few months since I last posted a video. So first and foremost, I just really want to kind of apologize for that. About 3 months ago, my house flooded and I was quickly evacuated and put into a hotel, not this hotel. And I thought that I was gonna get back into my home about 3 weeks ago and a second pipe burst, more flooding. So because of that, I've just been living out of hotel rooms. It has been extremely stressful, but I got out of bed today with a specific idea of something that I wanted to share here that I I think is really important. Today we're going to be going over sexual red flags. I was inspired to make this video because I came across one of those infamous like relationship red flags videos, um, on YouTube the other day, and I was thinking, why are there so many videos about red flags in relationships but things that are not talked enough about are sexual red flags? And I feel like the discourse around this, it's just still coming from such an ashamed place. Like, we don't really want to talk about sex, and because we don't really want to talk about sex as openly as we talk about relationships, even though are often intertwined, we wind up setting ourselves up for failures because while maybe we can recognize red flags in relationships, we're not as well equipped to recognize red flags when it comes to engaging sexually with other people. And really this just puts all of us at risk. I will preface this by saying that these are my opinions and while I'm firm in my belief that everything I'm about to say is very true, I'm also not a psychiatrist, I'm not a therapist, I cannot diagnose anyone, yada yada, you've heard it all before. So without further ado, let's get into it. Red flag number 1: pressuring or guilt-tripping you into sexual activity with them. This may look like saying, "If you loved me, you would fill in the blank," or, "Come on, I'm so turned on, just do it, just do it for me, come on," or using passive-aggressive behavior toward you if you say no. It can also look like making you feel obligated to engage in sexual activity with them because of something that they did for you, like, buying you dinner. The bottom line is that consent given under pressure is not real consent. If someone is trying to manipulate you, they are actively showing you that they do not care about your comfort, and that puts you at risk. Red flag number 2: they do not respect your boundaries. What this can look like is pushing for acts that you've clearly stated you're not ready for, testing your answer of no by trying again a few minutes later, and completely disregarding your body language or silence. This is a huge red flag because people who ignore sexual boundaries are very, very likely to ignore boundaries of all types, whether it's emotional or physical, whether it's laws, rules, or regulations. These kinds of people can be very, very dangerous. Red flag number 3: they completely disappear after sexual activities with you, or they only engage with you when they want those sexual activities. And no, this does not apply to the people out there who are openly telling you exactly what they want and being upfront about it. It's It's okay to only want a physical relationship with someone, but it's not okay to kind of trick people and not be forthcoming about your desires. This red flag can manifest as not talking to you for days, but then texting you at 11:30 PM on a random night because they want you to come over. It can manifest as them being too busy to ever talk to you or engage with you until they want something from you. And when they want that thing from you, suddenly they want to be buddy-buddy and they're all about those conversations that you wanted to have. And then the minute that they get what they want, it's back to square one. If you want more than something that's just physical, but they routinely treat you like you're just a pit stop in the middle of the night, that is emotional detachment, and it's dishonest, and yes, that's a red flag. Damn, my back hurt. Red flag number 4: hyperfixation on corn-inspired behavior. And when I say corn, I mean corn, but with a P instead of a C. This can look like jumping into advanced or aggressive positions or behaviors without even asking you, It can look like expecting you to look or behave as corn stars do. It can also look like prioritizing aesthetics and performance over mutual enjoyment and satisfaction and connection. And I'm not saying that doing certain things like this are occasionally fun and sexy and flirty and hot, because they totally are. But the issue is that corn is not a substitute for human connection and intimacy, and corn-inspired behaviors shouldn't be replacing your physical intimacy altogether. If this person can't adapt to you as a human, and instead they're just replicating things that they've seen online, they're behaving in a lazy and detached way, and that can actually be really harmful. Red flag number 5: no aftercare or emotional awareness. This one can be a lot more subtle, but here's what it can look like: immediately grabbing their phone and rolling over when they're done, no cuddling, checking in, asking you how it was for you, and not seeming to notice if you're uncomfortable or upset. This can be a red flag because sex is vulnerable even when it's casual. And having a lack of emotional awareness for you or aftercare can leave you feeling used or unseen. And this is another one where not every single instance of this is a red flag, but if this other person is not directly communicating to you that they wanted something just casual and that's it, and then they're treating you in this way, that's very harmful. And it's especially harmful if someone who you're in a relationship with is doing this to you. Red flag number 6: condom resistance or stealthing. This can look like saying, "It just doesn't feel as good with a condom. You're clean, right?" It can also manifest as them removing a condom without your knowledge in the middle of a sexual activity. It can also manifest as them just trying to completely avoid conversations around STIs and STDs, or even just dismissing or downplaying the importance of those conversations. These things are more than just a red flag. Like, the word red flag doesn't really do them justice. These are violations. Anyone who plays games with your sexual health like this does not care about your right to safety or informed consent. And yes, that is a huge red flag. I'm well aware that there are many, many other things that could be construed as sexual red flags. I didn't have the ability to cover every single thing in this video, but I hope that this was kind of helpful. I think that it's a conversation that needs to be had, a dialogue that needs to be opened up, because the only way that we can protect ourselves and guard our bodies and our hearts and our minds is if we're equipped with the knowledge that we need in order to do those things. I'd really like to create a part 2 where I go over sexual green flags because I feel like it's really important not just to know what to avoid altogether but also to understand what you want to move toward. So if you enjoyed this video and you would like to see a part 2 going over green flags, please drop a comment down below and let me know. And if you'd like to support me at all in a free way, um, I'd love it if you would subscribe to my channel, like this video, drop a comment, you know, all of those things. And until next time, mwah, stay spicy, you guys.