What Healthy Intimacy Really Looks Like: Green Flags To Look For

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to my channel, you nasties! If you're new here, my name is Angel Ardito and I am kind of just your local spicy coach. I like to talk about all things sex and relationships. So last week I uploaded a video going over red flags in the bedroom. This week I'm going to follow that up with a video about green flags. Things that you specifically want to seek out in a partner, things that can kind of tell you whether this person is healthy or not healthy sexually. And before we get into it, I just have to state that these are my opinions. These are not going to apply in every single scenario across the board, but I do believe in what I'm saying, otherwise I wouldn't be saying it. But I implore you to also kind of do your own research and learn about these things for yourself and come to your own conclusion. So with that being said, let's get right into it. Green flag number 1: open and honest communication. This can manifest in many different ways. It might outwardly look like just asking you, "Are you okay with this? Are you enjoying this? What kinds of things do you like?" It can look like an ongoing curiosity about your turn-ons or things that you're scared of or things that you're not interested in. It can look like being curious about your limits, and it can also just look like being comfortable talking about sex without shame or awkwardness or ego. The reason that open and honest communication is such a green flag is because people who are more open and talkative about sex and are less ashamed about it are probably more likely to show up in a real, true, and connected way with you in the bedroom. Green flag number 2: consent is ongoing and collaborative. This can include checking in with you during your encounter, not just at the beginning of it and then never again. You never feel rushed or pushed or pressured into doing something with this person, and it'll feel like you're both genuinely just adjusting and exploring and responding in real time together. This is a huge green flag because consent is not a one-time thing that you give. I like to think about this green flag as a requirement. It's not optional for me, but there are still many people out there who are not aware about what consent is and how to find that in someone. And so I really just— I had to put it in this video. Consent is an ongoing dialogue, and someone who understands that creates a space where you feel empowered and relaxed and I think that that's important in any sexual encounter. Green flag number 3: Mutual pleasure-focused. This person genuinely wants to know what feels good to you. They don't want a performance from you, they want the real thing. This person doesn't just finish and then call it quits. They ask questions, they observe your verbal and your non-verbal reactions to things, and they care about your pleasure just as much as they care about their own. Green flag number 4: They take responsibility for safety. This kind of person takes initiative to bring protection with them. They use protection without hesitation, and they don't argue with you about whether or not to use protection. This person gets tested regularly and talks openly about their sexual health and the types of things that they're doing in order to maintain it. And on top of all of that, they don't shame you for being curious or cautious. This is a green flag because responsibility is hot. I don't care what you say, responsibility is hot. Taking initiative to make sure that you're both feeling safe and relaxed, like you can let go and have fun. Knowing you're with someone who values safety can help you to relax and just enjoy yourself without having to worry about everything. And I don't care what you say, that is hot. Green flag number 5: they're emotionally present before, during, and after. They connect with you outside of your sexual encounters, not just during and then nothing. They're present when they're with you. They're not just zoned out and bored until it comes to sex, and they hold space for feelings or vulnerabilities that may or may not come up afterward. This is such a huge one because someone who's emotionally tuned in gives you space to be fully yourself and not just a vessel or a body that they're using. And green flag number 6: they have a growth-oriented mindset. This means that they're willing to receive feedback and adapt without their ego getting in the way, without getting too defensive. They genuinely have a desire to grow and be better. This means that they're excited to grow with you sexually and learn new things about you and learn new things about themselves, and they're totally open to changing and adapting as needed. And this also means that they're open to doing things at your pace if your pace is slower than theirs. This is definitely a green flag. There is no such thing as a perfect lover or a perfect partner, but someone who wants to grow with you and be better with you, that is someone worth keeping around. At the end of the day, sex is supposed to feel good. It's not supposed to feel like pressure. It's not supposed to feel shameful. It's not supposed to feel confusing.— it's not supposed to be scary, it's not supposed to be dangerous. While we don't want to ignore red flags, we also want to be on the lookout for the green flags. And ultimately, we want to know that we can walk away when things don't feel right. And just like with the red flag video, when I said, well, not every single red flag fits in every single situation— just because someone exhibits maybe one of the red flags in a very certain situation doesn't mean that they're not a good partner, not a good lover. It's the same with the green flags. So you really have to be self-aware. Just because someone might embody one of the green flags that I mentioned doesn't mean that they're a good lover or a good partner. You kind of have to look at the experience of being with this person as a whole and weigh the bad against the good, and ultimately it should be more good. I'm not saying that anyone should ever be perfect, but people should be willing to learn, willing to grow, willing to change, and willing to just be better for you. If you don't have that in a sexual partner or in any kind of partnership, I don't know if it's even worth sticking around. But again, that's just my own very unprofessional opinion. That is pretty much all that I have for the green flags. If you would like me to make videos about red flags and green flags and kind of come up with example situations and elaborate on any of those flags or all of those flags, please let me know in the comment section because I'd be more than happy to make a more deep dive of a video into consent and sex and red flags and green flags and all of those things. But I won't push it out there if it's something that no one wants to see, because why would I do that? All right, I will stop blabbing. I love you guys, thank you so much for being here, and until next time, stay spicy!