A husband questions whether he's overreacting about his wife drinking with a male neighbor until 4 AM every week. The speaker says his concerns are valid given her infidelity eight years ago, the neighbor's emotional dependence on her, and the risks alcohol and late nights create for affairs.
Chapters
Am I overreacting for being upset that my 34 male wife, 32 female, hangs out drinking with our neighbor, 38 male, until 4 AM? I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here and say no, probably not overreacting. I don't drink and I usually go to bed around 10 PM, but once a week my wife stays up with our neighbor until 4 AM drinking whiskey and beer. To me it feels inappropriate, like a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. Part of why this bothers me is my history with her. About 8 years ago she cheated. Brother, she's already cheated on you once and now she wants to have some weird-ass drinking date night till 4 in the morning once a week with your neighbor. I don't know what else to say. Like, connect the dots. Though we worked through it and things have been good since. I, I would, I would disagree with that. If she's going and drinking with your neighbor until 4 AM once a week, I would disagree with things have been good. This all started when the new neighbors moved in last year. At first it was a couple, but they divorced and the wife moved away. 'Since then, the husband has been leaning on my wife for emotional support.' That's not okay, dude. That is not okay. And the fact that your wife is going out of her way, well, I just, okay, I'm gonna keep reading, but I'm already frustrated. I'm frustrated for you. Maybe I'm overreacting too, who knows? 'He's not a bad guy and comes over to use my home gym sometimes, and I know my wife likes to drink and de-stress that way, and I hate to take that from her, but it seems odd to me. From my perspective, it's strange for her to be that close with him, especially late at night and with alcohol involved. Given her past and the situation, I feel uneasy and can't help but think I have a reason to be. Am I overreacting for being upset about this? No, I would be reacting the same exact way. And okay, maybe this is just a fellow overreactor, but I feel like when you're in a monogamous relationship with someone, there are certain boundaries that you need to hold in order to keep the integrity in your relationship, like just for the safety of you. And especially with her having been someone who cheated in the past, like I know a lot of people say once a cheater, always a cheater, and I actually don't agree with that. I, I don't always agree with that. I do believe that people can change. I just don't think that they can really change without implementing some kind of safeguards in their relationship. And one of those things is not hanging out alone late at night drinking with your male neighbor that you could feasibly at some point be or become attracted to. I don't feel like I would ever allow myself to do that in my monogamous relationship because it would just be, one, kind of disrespectful to my partner, but And also too, I don't want to put myself in a situation where I am giving myself the opportunity to have an emotional affair or a physical affair. I'm not going to do that. I'm just not going to do it. So no, you're not overreacting. And honestly, I would not be surprised if she was already having an emotional and a physical affair. I mean, the woman is going to your neighbor's house until 4 in the morning once a week. 4 in the morning. Like, why does she have to be out until 4 in the morning? It doesn't even make sense. My money's on that. She's already cheating on you.
