6 simple things sport parents must do - Soul of Innovation

This past week I was at the Norwegian National Track and Field Championship, Relay Championship, and I saw, you know, a lot of great things. But what I didn't see is what I wanted to talk about, and that was about parents. What I realized was, as a parent, that there's a lot of things that parents don't know how to do to support an athletic son or daughter. So while I'm walking out here in the Norwegian woods, beautiful, uh, Frognes has a restaurant here almost near the top of what we call it gorgeous out here. It stimulated a lot of thoughts, and I wrote down 6 things. Um, yeah, I carry posters with me when I walk in the woods. Uh, sorry, I'm a weirdo. Uh, I wrote down 6 things that I thought that as a parent that we should be doing, and I wanted you to, to reflect and share this with other people who are parents. Maybe they need to hear this as well. So the first thing I saw was that, um, You know, where were you? Where were the parents? Though the bleachers were full, they were packed with people, you know, after every event a kid would leave and that kid had an entourage of daddy, mommy, uncle, aunt, grandma, grandpa, and that one kid would leave and then this whole group would leave with him and then the big empty section of the bleachers. So then I quickly did the math and, you know, something around 80% of the kids had no one cheering for them. So where were you? Where, where were these parents? And let's look at it from a different perspective. Where were these kids' friends, right? You know, their best friends should be going with them and showing up at these events. But most importantly is parents. You know, when I grew up, my parents didn't come to events, and, and that's fine. It's made me reflect and maybe to be here at this moment to talk about this, because I can tell you how painful it is. I did sporting events from the time I was 10 all the way till now, still doing races and thing. And my father's seen me at 2 events, and my mother's never ever seen me do an athletic event. Think about it. What excuse can parents have? How busy can you be that you can't attend your child's event? Do you know how much work they put in? There's another adult, somebody's playing a role model as a coach or a mentor who's yelling at your kid, pushing your kid. Your kid is sweating, your kid is pushing themselves to the limit, and at their moment of where they're going to show themselves at their absolute best in an event You're not there. Where are you? What's so damn important that you're not at your son and daughter's event? And it's not like we don't know. The bleachers were empty when these parents— when each group left. You know, it— you wonder why kids are sort of messed up, not in the head, but messed up in their heart, is because as a parent we need to be there all the time. So where were you? That's number one. You gotta be there. You gotta be there for them. You gotta be there in their moments when they're ups, their downs, when they're sweating, when they fall, when they have been picked up by the other teammates in victory. You're supposed to be part of those memories. Think about that. You're supposed to be part of those memories. Why the hell aren't you? So many kids were there alone. It was an all-day event. And, and, uh, well, I'll share you a story. My daughter has to ask me, uh, after the race if we could drive this kid home. And we drove him all the way home and we joked in the car and we had a good time. And then when we dropped them off we'd made a wrong turn, so we saw the kid again another 30 seconds later, and he didn't see us seeing him, and his head was down, and he was just sort of dragging his feet through the grass really slow, getting back to his house, and, you know, his parents were home. The kid was devastated because his parents weren't home. His parents weren't at the race. They were home. They were home. He ran in the national championship, damn it, and his parents were home, and it's If you just saw how down this kid was— as a parent, there's no excuse. Get your butt to their event. They're doing it for you too. They want you to be proud of them, and you're missing out, and you're denying them that. So where were you? If you ever not been at an event, what were you doing that was so damn important? How's that for number one? Number 2 is when you attend a race, it's not about you. You know, it was such a beautiful thing I saw. Uh, one of, uh, my daughter's friends, his name is Loris, he ran, um, in the 4x100 relay, and then he was the last one, and they handed him the baton and it fell down. The national champion, they dropped the baton. The father who was standing next to me and my wife. We were at the top of the bleachers. This man just ran down these steps and flew. He defied gravity. I was in awe. And he ran right to as close as he could be without jumping onto the track to his son. And he says, "It's okay. These things happen. It's okay." No hesitation. He was there. He went into instant support mode. He went into instant compliment mode. He Yeah, man. You know, if it was one thing, if he did it because he think people were around, he wasn't. It was instantaneous. I mean, by the time that baton hit the ground, that papa was there next to his son already saying, "It's okay, Lars, it's okay." Holy crap. That's a papa that understands it's not about him. It's about them. It's always about your kid. We're there to support them. It's all about them. They're always, always kids, and we need to take care of them. Number 3: Keep your eyes only on them. I think that's a cool one. My son, um, when he plays basketball, when he was smaller, he could, at the end of a game He would tell me, he's every single time that I didn't look at him. It's like, I was like, were you paying it all attention to the game itself? And, and he was— they're always looking. Your kids are always looking at you at an event. So when you're at an event, your eyes should only be on them. They're kids. They're watching you as much as you're watching them. When you're at an event, are you only focused on them or are you focused on talking to someone else? We have a soccer field over here and it's like a meat market for parents. It's actually the most embarrassing thing there is. You know, the parents bring their kids to play soccer and then all of a sudden the men roll up on the women, the women roll up on the men. Disgusting, and there's absolutely nothing to do with the kids. Is that— are you one of these people? I'm just saying, calling you out. You wonder why your kid is, you know, not exactly the way you want them to be? Because of you. Think about it. As a parent, our role is to take care of them. Now, it's not to baby them, but if you— when— put yourself back when you were a kid. If your parents were always looking at you and envying you and supporting you and cheering you when you did your event Do you want to feel good at 6 or 7, 8, 9, 10, 19, 20? You'd be an amazing adult, but you're denying your child that. I saw a lot of that. Wasn't good. Never good. Number 4 is, um, these kids are massively insecure. They're just like you and me, they're just younger. I remember when I went for a basketball tryout with Bronx Gauchos. My brother and my cousin, they came to the first two tryouts. I made the first tryout, then they invited me back to the second one, and I did well there too, partially because my brother and cousin were there watching me. I was scared like hell. Here's the best basketball players in New York, if not the entire United States, were on this damn basketball court. And because my brother and cousin were there, they took my insecurity and they made me step up my game. And I was able to be one of the best out there, except for these two other guys who went on to play in the NBA. I couldn't stop them, they couldn't stop me, but they had a gift. I was blessed to be on the same court as them. But it was because my brother and cousin came that my game was so good. On the third tryout, they said it was a locked tryout. That means no outside people allowed, players only. And I was scared and I lost my edge. I did— kids insecure. I was so insecure and I lost my edge. I was better than everybody out on that court, but because I was so insecure, I just was a little bit too young to handle that. The fact that everybody on this court's an All-American and not me, but yet I am probably one of the best on that court. How many times has kids not performed to their best because insecure? How many times have you not performed to your best because you're insecure? You have a big presentation you got to do a thing on stage in front of a whole bunch of people. That's insecurity that's coming out. Do you want your kid to suffer from the same thing you're suffering from? Then no, of course not. But then you have to be there for them in those moments when they're young, when they need you, when they're suffering from insecurity, so that they feel more and more secure about themselves as they get older. They do better and better and better. That's how it works. It doesn't— it shouldn't start, you dealing with insecurity when you're 45 and you have to be on stage. Like some of us are doing. That memory, you know, the gauchos, is— I take a lot of pride in it, but I also reflect a lot. Being a kid and being insecure is part of being a kid, but as a parent, our job is to be there. And number 5 is a compliment. When I saw at the race, it was that, um, Parents were doing this, and that was about it. And then some parents like, yeah, really complimenting. You know, you got to compliment your kid during the warm-ups, during the race, and after the race. If the kid runs off with their friends, then you can stop complimenting because then you'll be annoying. But if they're sitting there and they're upset or whatever, and they're like, go away, go away, you keep on complimenting. You keep on saying all those positive things. They're hearing you. That's what they need. It's, you know, when they're running around that track and you're running, "Go, go, go!" Think of yourself as if you have your hands both on their shoulders rubbing them, saying, "Go, go, go, go!" That's what they— they just pumps them up. You have to be there. You're denying them that. And you know what? You're denying yourself that moment of feeling so damn good. There's my child running. There's my child. Look at that kid go! Yes! It's all worth it. Have you had an "it's all worth it" moment? 20% of the parents there had an, uh, it was worth it moment. The other 80% of these kids at a national championship, the parents denied themselves that and they hurt their kids. As a parent, I think what you need to do a lot of times is say, if that was me and I didn't come Would I be the best parent? Be. Put yourself in your child's shoes and be the ultimate parent you can be. And stop not— well, that's horrible English. Go to that damn event. How's that? Show up. There's nothing more important than showing up. You know that for your career. Right, just showing up is 80% of the battle. How about doing that for your child, the person you love the most in life? Just some quick reflections as this guy rolls by on his beautiful mountain bike and people in the background and beautiful— uh, marca. Show up. Your kids need you.