27 Mar 2022 · 8 min
Thomas Anglero explores where self-confidence comes from and why "fake it till you make it" doesn't work. He shares practical tactics: focus on your audience instead of yourself, decide to be confident, and face the fear. He includes a story about hosting a post-pandemic conference in the Nordics.
Welcome to the Soul of Innovation podcast. I am Thomas Anglero with a serious thought in my mind, and that is about self-confidence. Where does self-confidence come from? Why do some people have it and why do some people don't? Why is it that most people just doubt themselves so much. Do you doubt yourself? Do you— can you not visualize yourself being a Hollywood superstar, being a sports star, being the rodeo— rodeo star, I guess it's called— being that amazing teacher, being that amazing boss, being that amazing dancer, that skater, Basketball player. Who do you see yourself being when you daydream and you fantasize about a life that you're not living? And then ask yourself, what the hell is stopping you from being that person, being that version of you? Let me tell you a story. The other evening, I hosted a conference, first one after 2 years because the pandemic is finally over. In the Nordic countries, and after the conference I got a lot of compliments from a lot of people, but what they said over and over in their own ways with their own words were that, "I could never do what you did. I could never have that energy level that you had." Words like this. While looking in their eyes as they said this, I could see that they have so little self-confidence, and I've seen this look before over and over again. Let me ask you, How much self-confidence do you have about you, about who you are right now as you listen to this? It is all about self-confidence. I hate, I absolutely detest the statement of fake it till you make it, because that has nothing to do with self-confidence. That has everything to do with presenting to the world the BS version of you until the world believes it enough that all of a sudden you're it. But you know you're not it because you knew you faked it, right? The whole principle is that you are to fake it until you make it, which means when you make it, you still are based on faking it. Self-confidence is eternal. Self-confidence is permanent. Self-confidence is a granite base that cannot be broken and is not based on being fake. The way you get self-confidence is to forget about yourself and to think about the goal that you want to achieve, whatever that goal is, and your self-confidence will be lifted. It is almost that simple, almost all the time. Not perfect formula, but most of the time. If you have a big presentation, it's not about you presenting, it's about the, the content and your audience. Notice it's not about you. If you have a performance, be it a recital, if you're playing the violin or the piano, or you have an athletic event, you have to perform, or you have any type of event where you have to dance, it's not about you, it's about the audience. You've already practiced, you've already put in all the time.
Now it's time to make them happy. You want to make them happy, so do what you do.
Confidence is that belief in yourself so much that you focus on the other people, the externals, to make them happy or make them proud or change their thought process. That for that little bit of time that you have all the attention, all of their attention, you remove them from the life that they have. Maybe there's a difficult situation and you are their break for the next 30 minutes, 15 minutes, 5 minutes. But self-confidence is everything. Self-confidence will allow you to achieve everything, and you can get your self-confidence. You don't have to struggle like I have and go through so much hell and so much reflection. That is the long way to self-confidence.
The shortest way to self-confidence is say, I am already that person that I see myself being.
Somebody gave me some great advice once, and they said, you should dress the way you see yourself dressing 20 years from now. When you see is that final version of you, you should eat like that person, you should walk like that person, you should talk like that person, you should enter a room like that person. And what that means is basically there's no difference between who you are now and who you plan on being other than the decision you have to make about you.
Right now.
That's it.
Self-confidence is one thought away. A decision that you make to be the self-confident you. You already know what the self-confidence looks like. You already know what the self-confidence you talks like. You already know what the self-confidence you walks like. The difference is that that one thought, that one decision for you to be you is what's holding you back. So now, why not make that decision?
Most of us don't because we go, the cost, the price.
I'm afraid. I don't want anybody to see me. Fear is it. That one decision away is always one decision away because fear is always in the way. But remember, what is fear? Fear is having an obsession over something that has not happened and probably will not happen.
You're worried about what's behind the corner. You're worried about the—
what's going to happen in that meeting tomorrow.
You're worried about something always future-based, but it hasn't happened.
It will not happen. Fear is so irrational. That ultimate version of you, that self-confident version of you, cannot be stopped by fear because fear does not exist. Hence, there is nothing stopping you. Just be you.
If that's goofy you that likes to wear red suits all day long, every day, so be it.
Self-confidence is a decision. A scission, a decision to ignore everyone else. A decision to prioritize yourself. And then the decision to love everyone as best as you can.
Go forth and spread beauty and light. Think hard about what I'm saying. Think hard about how you could change your life.
Literally right now. And in the next few minutes, the next few hours, days, weeks, and months and years, you achieve all the goals you want to achieve because you made a decision right now to believe in you. And that's the only thing that's been holding you back, is that you truly don't believe in you. When I step on the stage, I believe in me, and that's why things go relatively well when I'm on stage. When you're on stage, your stage of life, things will go relatively better than my—
me.
All you gotta do is believe in you.
I'm Thomas Anglero.
I love you. I believe in you. Take that step and have all the confidence in the world. Until next time.
Thank you for listening to that episode. If you want to contact me, you can contact me on my website at anglero.com, and you can also subscribe to the newsletter, or you can find me anywhere on social media with Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter. Thank you so much, and I hope to hear from you very soon.
