Episode 187: Change Your Thoughts to Change Your Story

Welcome to the Soul of Innovation podcast. I am Thomas Anglero, and let me ask you a question. What thought do you repeat in your mind that only you know you repeat it so much? What story or event do you go over in your mind that you repeat over and over and over that defines what you look like, what your face appears to the world. Let me tell you a story. The other day I saw my neighbor. I haven't seen her in quite some time. She holds a special place and a memory for me because she hurt my feelings one day, and I'm not sure if she knew she meant to. Several years ago, I slipped on the ice and I broke several ribs, cracked bones. I was in a lot of pain. It took several weeks to recover. Finally, I left my house after several weeks of recovery for the very first time, and I walked to the to my mailbox where there was some ice on the floor, and the ice was melting a bit. So I started kicking on the ice, sort of my own payback to the ice for having given me, or contributing to my fall. And I was letting my anger out on the ice, saying, "You bastard," and all this horrible stuff to the ice, you know, not saying anything but just kicking the ice, letting out the frustration. My neighbor's son walked by, and I know him well because I teach him how to play basketball when he was younger. And we said hello, and he went to his mom, and his mom saw us say hello, and she said to him, don't you ever talk to him again. And he said, why? He's my friend. She says, you're not allowed to ever talk to him. Again. That hurt my feelings. For years before, in the park that's outside of their house, I'm out there teaching her son how to play the fundamentals of basketball, and I can see she's watching in the window. And now here I am, where I'm in need of love and care, where I'm just taking my anger out for the first time, leaving my house in 5 weeks. Kicking the ice. In that moment, she tells her son, "Don't ever talk to him again." She had this face of disgust and anger. I had done nothing to her. We have never spoken. She just was angry, very pissed in her face. Years later, I ran into her son. We had a nice conversation. And he tells me that his mother continues to work out every day in the morning when he swims. He's a national swimmer, so while he swims at 5, 6 in the morning, she's in the gym training. She looks fantastic physically, but just yesterday I saw her. I haven't seen her for years. She still looks fantastic, but her face, the face she gave me The face she gave me when I was breaking the ice, of disgust, is now permanent. What thought does she have in her mind? How does she feel about herself? How does she see other people? That thought has now defined what she looks like permanently. What thoughts do you have in your mind? What instances do you race through your mind? I did not do anything to her. It was she who did something to herself. It was she who had a thought, who passed judgment on someone she's never spoken to, does not even know. And that anger and that disgust and that, that situation she created in her mind has now created and has now permanently implanted itself on her face. She tries to hide it maybe by going to the gym, but that makes the body look healthy and young, but the face does not hide your inner self and your inner thoughts. So my question to you again is, what thought, what story, what situation do you repeat in your head that defines the way you look on your face? We cannot hide that. You cannot hide that your torturing of yourself, your mental stories, you're feeling sorry for yourself, that exam you failed, that marriage that's gone to shit, that situation that you should have never been in, your overweightness, your laziness. Choose a story that you repeat over and over and over, beating yourself up. Maybe rightly, maybe wrongly, is now permanently implanted on your face. I was walking down the street the other day and I saw this woman, and I was surprised to see that her mouth made the shape of an upside-down smile, a permanent frown. And I immediately thought to myself, what story, what thought does she repeat over and over and over for her whole life, for many, many years? That has given her a permanent frown, a permanent upside-down smile. Some people say, "I have a resting bitch face." To me, that's saying you have a story in your head that you're repeating, and you're beginning— you're in the beginning steps of an upside-down frown. A permanent one. Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? Everyone's obsessed with their looks. Everyone wants to be complimented. Everyone wants to be told they look so pretty, so handsome, so young, so vibrant, so energetic, so youthful. Oh, I wish to be you. If you want to be all that Then why are you thinking all that? What is the story and why are you repeating it? Don't you see what is done to you? What I want you to do now, I want you to go to the mirror. I want you to go to the mirror and look at yourself. Really look at yourself. And ask yourself, is that who I want the world to see? Look at yourself. Look at your hair. Look at your eyebrows. Look at your cheeks. Look into your eyes. Look into your pupils. Look into yourself. Who do you see? And what might be scary is, what do you see? Now, as you look at yourself, I want you to play the story that you're repeating in your head, in your mind, all the time when you're walking down the street, all the time during your normal day. And I want you to look at what we see when we see you. You don't want to be that person, but that's who we get. We want to see, and you want us to see, the person you see when you look in the mirror, when you're feeling good about yourself, when you're feeling confident about yourself. So why do you torment yourself by repeating such horrible stories in your mind? And all of us in the world get to see it when we see you. You're not doing yourself any favors. You're hurting yourself. Stop hurting yourself. Love yourself. Feel better about yourself. We all are going to age eventually. We're all going to get old. Eventually. But you don't have to get old and age in your mind. The mind is the last thing to go. But when we repeat these horrible stories, these negative stories, these stories of memories that should never be remembered, things that people have said and done, and repeat them over and over and over, The mind gets old. The mind gets tired. The mind gets sad. And you wonder where your sadness comes from. It comes from you. It doesn't come from that person who told you something horrible, who did something horrible to you. It comes from you. You decide whether or not you want to be sad. You decide whether or not that incident that occurred a long time ago defines who you are. You decide if you want to lose that weight. You decide if you want to stay in that marriage. You decide if you want to excel and get off the butt— your butt off the sofa. You decide if you want to go to the gym. You decide if you want to be the world's greatest singer. You decide. You decide. You decide. You decide what the world sees when it sees you. Go forth and spread beauty and light. Smile from the inside, as they say, and the world will smile at you. That expression has great meaning. Because it is true. Do not let anyone's ignorance towards you define you. My memory of that woman who hurt my feelings is a memory, but it doesn't define me. I'm still friends with her son. Life is beautiful. But I do feel sorry for her, because her anger, her resentment, has defined her. So let me ask you, what incident has defined you. The answer that you need to come to is nothing defines me. I define me. Isn't that beautiful? I am Thomas Anglero, your biggest fan. A believer that you could turn that frown upside down and be who you were meant to be, which is 100% love. I love you too. Until next time. Thank you for listening to that episode. If you want to contact me, you can contact me on my website at anglero.com, and you can also subscribe to the newsletter, or you can find me anywhere on social media with Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter. Thank you so much, and I hope to hear from you very soon.