Episode 188: Your Decisions Are Disrupting Your Life

Welcome to the Soul of Innovation podcast. I am Thomas Anglero, and I want to ask you a question. Why are you so self-disruptive? Why have you made choices to ruin your health? Why have you made choices to ruin your chances of the next promotion? Why have you made choices to ruin your relationship, your marriage, hurting someone's feelings? Why have you made a choice to not be there when you said you would be there? Why have you made a choice to take that job that you know you don't like? Why have you made a choice to go someplace that you know is going to be too expensive for you? But you still go? Why have you made a choice to disrupt and destroy your life? Does this resonate with you? Do you see— do you see yourself in my words? I think you do. I've been reflecting a lot about myself and then other people over the years, many years, and I constantly see us all making choices that absolutely are wrong, are wrong for us, that will destroy our current life as it is now. Some decisions are very small and very tiny, but if we make them consistent over time, it destroys us. For example, smoking a cigarette, just one cigarette every day. It doesn't hurt me, it doesn't hurt anybody, it's okay, one cigarette a day is not bad. Have you ever said that to yourself? Do you say that to yourself every day? Every day, a cigarette a day, at the end of year, that's 365 cigarettes. Look at your lungs, look at your health, look at your blood pressure, look at your heart, look at whatever you want to look at, but you just smoked 365 cigarettes. It ain't gonna hurt. It hurts a lot. And now it's gonna take you a few years if you don't smoke, you eat right, breathe right, and proper breathing techniques, and maybe you can undo what you did. Maybe, if it doesn't linger. It's up to the nicotine, not you. Eating candy, cake, cookies every single day, ice cream every day, having that one extra piece of something every day. These are the small things that add up, but then there's the big things. I put time on the small things, and the small things catch up to you. The smalls read things are the reason why you're overweight or underweight, depending upon what you're eating and doing, but why you just can't physically change, or why you're so, so droggy in the morning. The small things are actually the ones that annoy us the most because we don't know how to change them, because we did it for so long that it's hard to make that change, and we've ruined our lives. And now we have to make a massive change to undo all those small little changes. The small ones are big ones, but they're so small that we think they're not important, but they are. The big decisions that destroy our lives are decisions like, you know, you're not supposed to be flirting with that person. You know, you're not supposed to be sleeping with that person. You do it anyway. You come up with justifications: he's not nice to me, she's not nice to me, she doesn't look at me, she doesn't care for me, she doesn't make me feel like he does, he doesn't make me feel like she does. On and on and on and on. Self-disruption. Another one: you're not supposed to buy that, you know you can't afford that, but you come up with excuses to buy it Anyway, now what? I think this one's the most painful because if you're buying a new hat, pocketbook, a new car, a boat, the reality is everyone— and I truly mean everyone, and I'm not exaggerating— everyone but you, everyone doesn't care that you did. No one's impressed. No one cares. People, human beings, are wired one way: what's in it for me? So if you buy a brand new car, boat, pocketbook, hat, dress, blouse, car, the only thing I'm going to think, because the way our brain is wired, is, I'd be nice if I had one, and I'm done. Your debtedness, your indebtedness that you now have with all the payments you have to make on that credit card or to the bank on that mortgage payment or the car payment or boat payment or whatever payment at some insane interest rate for the God knows how many years costs me all of 1.5 seconds of thought of thinking about you, and I'm done. I'm not thinking about you anymore and the thing you bought anymore. Enjoy your indebtedness. You just destroyed your life. What other decisions have you made that you've destroyed the life that you had the moment before you made that decision? Think about it. You know you're not supposed to— when you're a kid, you know you're not supposed to steal candy. Some— a lot of kids do. As an infant, I think everybody's done it. Your parents tell you, don't stick your finger into the electrical socket. You do it anyway. We are, as human beings, we are so self-disruptive. I was, I was listening to an interview with a CIA agent. Whether or not he's a real CIA agent, possible. A friend of my family, actually, their son was recruited right out of college. So yes, people are, do become CIA agents straight out of college, and that's the way they do it, and that's the way it happened. So I know that's for a fact. And he said one of the many things was that we are self-disruptive. And I listened to him talk about how self-disruptive we are, and I was like, damn, you're right. Because that's what it started me to reflect. And I started looking at people around me, and the older you get, the more self-disruptive you are. Boredom is one of the biggest things that make you self-disruptive. It's like, I need to do something now. But you know what you're about to do is not right. It's not going to help anybody out. But it's something for you to do. How do you prevent being self-destructive? You prevent it by taking a moment, gathering yourself, and facing those inner insecurities. But that moment That moment that you start to gather yourself, that feeling of loathing your own self. What we do, what 99.99% of us do, if we take that terrible feeling that we feel about ourselves and we make ourselves feel better by buying something, sleeping with someone, doing something with someone. And all it does is a Band-Aid that's not very good on staying on, not very good adhesive, to just mask the moment. And when that moment's over, and when the Band-Aid falls off, the wound is infested, the memory is worse, the guilt, insecurity is greater. Why do you make decisions that destroy your life? When you are in private, when there's nobody around, no one can see you, what decisions do you make? What are you doing? What are you doing that you know you're not to be— not supposed to be doing? What thoughts are you having? Who are you thinking about? How are you thinking about them? You know you're not supposed to be having those. Are you looking out your window, piercing into your neighbor's window, and fantasizing about them? What are you doing when there's nobody around and nobody can see you? You're being self-disruptive. Life is not that hard if you take a moment and look at yourself. You can physically look at yourself in the mirror if you want. But spend time with yourself. It sometimes begin— those moments begin, you sit in a chair and you just relax a bit and you get real with yourself. Or I say, as I call it, you start calling your own bullshit. And the first thing that happens is you start shaking your head and you think, how weird am I? I'm by myself and I'm shaking my head and there's nobody even asking me a question when I'm shaking my head. But that's your body's way. Of dealing with a strong mental thought that you don't want to deal with, and your body has a physical reaction of like, no, no, no, hell no, I don't want to deal with this, no, no, no, no. But then you're in it. Then you don't fight that, you go deeper. Now you're in it. Now you're starting to spend time with yourself. But do you understand that no one, so few, so few, So few— I cannot say that word enough— so few spend time there. When's the last time you had a thought that your body physically went, "No!" If it's been a while, or you don't know what I'm talking about, then you really haven't spent time with yourself. Preventing yourself from doing something so self-disruptive that would ruin All the things that you have done, all the years of school that you put in, all the years of marriage, all the years of motherhood, all the years of fatherhood, all the years of being a great employee, all destroyed over one stupid moment that you did not deal with yourself and deal with your insecurities and deal with the fact that you know you're not supposed to be doing that with them or stealing this or buying that or having that, it doesn't mean a damn thing. Why is that so important? That's what you're supposed to be doing in that moment, asking yourself why. Why is this so important? That's the conversation you're supposed to be having. Why is this hat? Why is this pocketbook? Why is this jacket? Why is this sweater? Why is this dress? Why is this car? Why is this boat? Why is this motorcycle? Why is this so damn important? Is not. If this is your passion, if this is your lifelong hobby, that's a different discussion. It's not important, that's who you are. Then it's not self-destructive, you're feeding who you are. But it's something that you don't do on a daily basis, it's not something that you don't dream about on a daily basis, it's not something that you're passionate about. If this is a momentary thing, a choice that you made, that you usually wouldn't never ever make, then you got to stop yourself and ask, why? Why am I doing this? Why am I having this cookie, this cake? Why am I getting dressed up? Why am I going and open up this mobile app and sending a message, a DM, to someone that I know I'm not supposed to? You know that feeling. You're not supposed to, and you still go ahead and do it. When you have that feeling, that's, that's, that's you telling you, hey stupid, stop! Why are you ignoring you? Why are you being so self-disruptive? You just nuke your life. He just nuked all the years of investment that you made. He just nuked all of the love that you've ever wanted. He just nuked you. Gone. You can conquer it all. You have the world's greatest life. You can have the life that you dream about. It's right there in front of you. Just spend time with you and say, why do I need this? I don't feel good about myself. That, that, that, that hat, that car, that boat, that house, that dress, that's gonna make me feel better. It's gonna make you feel better for all half a second, and now you gotta pay the damn bill. Oh, you know, I'm a man, you know, I'm gonna sleep with her, she wants me. It can make you feel good for half a second, and then you have to pay that bill. Oh, he's so cute, you know, um, oh, he's so adorable, and my husband, my boyfriend doesn't pay attention to me, I'll just have sex with him. It's for good, good for half a second, or maybe longer. And damn, are you gonna pay that bill. Why? Why are you being so self-disruptive? As I say nothing, as I have these long pauses, I want you to think to yourself, which you are, which you are, your own examples of how you have self-disrupted your entire life, or a moment of glory, or relationship, or situation, or a job, years of study. Sometimes in life— let me make you feel better as I wrap this whole thing up— sometimes in life you invest years and years and years into something and it doesn't work out. It just doesn't work out. That's just life. But you were meant to do that. You were meant to be the world's greatest athlete for all those years of training. Maybe you never were the world champion, but you put in the effort of a world champion. God bless you. I honor you. I bow to you. Let's say you put in years of studying. You never were the perfect A student or 6s or whatever is the perfect scores in your country and culture. You never got there. You never got the scholarship. You never got this fellowship. You never were the valedictorian. Nobody ever put your name in a magazine or said it on stage. But damn, did you bust your butt to study as hard as you could study. You never got that job. You never were the elite student. You You know, we're the elite employee, but I still bow to you. I praise you. You are amazing. But after all that, that sorrow that you have— and it's okay— that feeling of I'm not good enough, and that's okay. You don't destroy it all. You don't destroy you with one stupid decision. Don't self-disrupt your life, everything you've done. Take a moment, say it's not going to work out. Let me tell you a story. I went to high school, great high school. I was a star athlete, captain of the basketball team, captain of the baseball team, blah blah blah. Got a scholarship to go to college to play basketball. 2 months into my freshman year, my first year, I walked off the campus and dropped out of college. It's a longer story, but let's leave it there. It's not where I was meant to be. All the hard work I put in studying, all the hard work I put in athletics, I achieved such an amazing goal. And to some people say I threw it all away. To myself at that moment, I said I threw it all away. But I understood that I had made a choice and had gone to the wrong college. I was surrounded by the wrong people, and they were living the wrong life that I wanted nothing to do with. And I left my entire life behind. I left behind my full scholarship. I left behind any chance that I had of having a really good future. I nuked my life. It was probably one of the best decisions I made. It cost a lot, but I had to do it. The bigger decision, the bigger cost, the bigger nuke that I could have done was to stay there and continue going to that school and continue living a life with people that I did not like and did not like me. Which decision will you make? What will you do? Who are you going to be? What self-disruptive act are you going to take? Some self-disruptive acts, like the example of my story in my life, in that moment I thought it was self-disruptive, and it was. I stopped everything. I was on this path to success, and I stopped it all, and I chose a different path in life, and it worked out phenomenal. The decision you made or about to make, is that going to give you a better life or is it going to nuke your life and you have to pay for it for the rest of your life? Only you know the answer to that question. Go forth and spread beauty and light. I love you all. I love you. But you got to get real with yourself. Call your bullshit. Old school people say was pull up your— pull up your boots. I love that expression. Straighten out your tie. Fix your dress. Get real. And then love will flow to you because you'll see it. But if you stay delusional— I deserve this, I should have that— then you're just gonna nuke the hell out of everything you've ever done in that relationship you're supposed to have. Take a moment and spend time with you. It's a hard moment. By the way, what's the definition of a moment? It's as many minutes as it takes for you to complete that thought inside of you that tears you apart, that may lead to you crying, that may lead to you feeling horrible. For an hour, a day, a week, a month, but it prevented you from nuking and destroying and self-disrupting your life. So as much as I love you, you have to love you more by spending that moment with you. I'm Thomas Anglero. Until next time. Thank you for listening to that episode. If you want to contact me, you can contact me on my website at anglero.com, and you can also subscribe to the newsletter, or you can find me anywhere on social media with Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter. Thank you so much, and I hope to hear from you very soon.