This content was created by Thomas Anglero. This content was uploaded by Thomas Anglero. This is a podcast episode titled "Episode 98: Patience is the Key to a Conversation" from The Soul of Innovation, published 2020-12-23. The excerpt is a first-person monologue by host Thomas Anglero in which he recounts a recent family conversation and describes his strategy—the "power of yes and simplicity"—for de-escalating difficult discussions: acknowledge the other person, give short authentic answers, be patient and mellow, and prioritize the other person's perspective. He closes with contact information (anglero.com) and social media invitations.
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Welcome to the Soul of Innovation podcast. I am Thomas Anglero, and I want to share with you a story, something that just happened to me. I had a long overdue talk with a family member, and you probably have someone in your family too that it's, you know, there are topics that you need to talk about that you tried to talk about before, but they resist. You resist inside your mind, you're hesitant because you know that it didn't work before and that it always brings out emotions, it always ends in a conversation that's incomplete and maybe puts distance between you and the other person. You know what I'm talking about. Well, yesterday, once again, I brought up the topic. And the resistance and the wall and the excuses and explanations and the loud voices came, as they always came. But I took a different strategy. I thought to myself, the power of yes and simplicity. What I mean by that is, when the person said something to me, I would say, yes, I understand. Your point of view. Yes, I understand where you're coming from. And then when they asked me a question, instead of giving a long answer back, I gave a simplistic answer back. Very simple, short words. And it— I think this makes such a huge difference when discussing difficult topics with people, because the other person's in a defensive mode. They don't have time to listen to your story. They're only thinking about their own. They have a window that's open for you, and that window opening is a crack, so it's probably not even a window. So how do you get as much information into that crack as possible? It's not by pushing more air and more pressure or talking faster. It's by saying yes, you understand, by being understanding, by being sympathetic. And then have the shortest answer possible, but authentic. After a lot of discussing and other family members getting in, the wall came down and the person saw what we've been trying to explain. I think the effort was completely due to the whole family being part of it. But I think it helped that it wasn't about yelling. It wasn't about screaming. I think what changed everything was the tone was mellow. Patience was given. Simplicity was provided. As you have discussions with people that you love, that you care about, Do you think these thoughts, do you use that strategy? It'll make a difference. Because at the end of the day, it's not about winning a conversation, it's not about making sure that that person sees what you see. If you do that, that's egotistical. Because truly, if you're having that discussion with someone, it's because you care for them. And if you have that perspective, then your goal, if it ever was to win the conversation, you know, is wrong. Your goal is just to give them love and for them to see something that they don't see. Try that when you have the most difficult times talking to people, difficult in getting through to them. Change yourself first. Change the way in which you communicate. Change the fact that you're not in this conversation to make yourself happy. You're in this conversation to make them happy. Therefore, you must change your strategy and give them the information they need and how they need it in that moment. I share you through this story because I am so, so happy. That this person I love very much in my family, as I drove them home, they got it, they changed, they made it open for possibility that maybe they have been acting in a way that maybe wasn't necessary, and they can now make a difference in their behavior. And isn't that what we want from everybody? Don't have a discussion with someone with your agenda. Have a discussion with someone about theirs. And the outcome will be exactly what you want. Go forth, spread beauty and light, and be patient. Think about the other person all the time. And the end result, you'll have that deep, beautiful feeling inside of you because they would have heard what you've had to say for a very long time. This is Thomas Anglero. I love you very much. I'm very excited for all the love that's coming your way now. Take care of yourself, okay? Until the next time.
Thank you for listening to that episode. If you want to contact me, you can contact me on my website at anglero.com, and you can also subscribe to the newsletter, or you can find me anywhere on social media with Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter. Thank you so much, and I hope to hear from you very soon.
