Stop Needing Validation From Others

Welcome to the Soul of Innovation podcast. I am Thomas Anglero, and I'm actually pissed. I'm pissed because I realized that here we are in the beginning of 2025, and grown mature adults require validation. Let me tell you a story what happened to me this weekend. I went to a shopping mall, sole purpose to go to one store, to go to a hardware store and buy some batteries. That's— no, sorry, a light bulb. That's all I need, a small little light bulb. On my way walking to that hardware store, I passed by many women, middle-aged women, not young, middle-aged. And almost every single one was staring. And the second I stared back They turned their head, flipped their hair, but they needed that validation. As I walked in, unfortunately parked in the furthest part, uh, in the shopping malls, had to walk all the way through the shopping mall. I saw that almost as if— and these women with their kids, some women with the husbands, but they weren't paying any mind to their kids or their husbands. They were seeking the attention of other people. They needed validation over and over and over again. Finally, as I was leaving the shopping mall, I was so annoyed I said, I'm not gonna make eye contact on anybody, I'm not gonna look in anybody's way. This is insane that grown people require so much damn validation and they're 40, 50 years old. Guess what happened? As I'm leaving the shopping mall, one of the last two women— two women separately— one of them, I refused to look her direction. She came brushing up against me, didn't touch me, but very close, almost a face into my ear. I refused to look her way. The second woman Couple of minutes later, as I see the parking lot in the distance saying, thank God I'm getting out of this place, this is, this is insane. She actually brushed up against me because I refused to look at her. What the hell is going on? Do you leave your house and require so much validation? Do you leave your house— before you leave your house, do you get dressed in a certain way? Do you fix your hair in a certain way? Do you hope the whole world smiles at you and looks at you in this wonderful way? One question to ask you: what's wrong with you? Why do you need so much validation? Why is it so important that complete strangers smile at you, are so impressed with you and your hair and what you bought and your jacket and your coat, your clothes, your, your own sunglasses, your shoes, your car, your dress? What the hell's wrong with you? Why aren't you so proud of the skin that you wear on your body? Why aren't you just proud of who you are and everything that you lived through, everything that you survived? Why aren't you proud of all the accomplishments that you've achieved, the the amount of love you've given to every person, not just in your family, but outside your family? Why aren't you proud about the accomplishments of just getting up in the morning? Why aren't you proud of all the bad habits that you've kicked, all the addictions that are possible to be addicted to, and you're not there? And if you are addicted, why aren't you proud that you're actually thinking about kicking the addiction? Why aren't you just proud about what you have and stop worrying about what other people have? Why aren't you just proud about just being proud? Just be you. Just be amazed that you are who you are and live where you live and you're breathing. Just be proud to be alive. Why do you need validation from others? Why? Why do you need to be validated from others? That is an absolute definitive sign of insecurity at an extraordinary proportion. You are actually living your life through the validation of other people. That's what measures the beautiful day you have, the nice moment you have, the nice trip to the shopping mall, or the nice day you had at school, or the good meeting you had at work. Or even you can't even go to a doctor's appointment, you forget about the fact that the doctor's trying to take care of your health. Instead, you're wondering why the doctor didn't flirt with you, or maybe they even looked at you funny, or You know, I see all these videos online with people going to the gym and they're videotaping themselves, and they then accuse somebody in the background, 'You're staring at me.' Validation, validation, validation, weakness, insecurity. My God, it is, it is like a virus that is spreading through society. And the virus is we're not happy with ourselves. You're not happy with yourself, so you're looking for other people to make you happy and validate who you are. Let me tell you something. Let's say that really cute guy or girl, you know, that valid— just smiles at you and stuff like that. Let's say you get into a relationship with them, and let's say you even marry them. I guarantee you, I'll make— I'll make money on this one. I will set the clock to your relationship is over because it was based on validation, and anybody could give you validation. And that is horrible, the fact that you live your life through the fact that you need other people to give you your existence, it means you don't exist. It means you're nothing. Let's talk about how to fix this. The way you fix this is by looking yourself in the mirror and don't look away. Don't judge yourself. You're gonna judge like crazy. Oh, I'm too skinny. Oh, I'm too fat. Oh, I'm too old. I'm too wrinkled. I'm too short. Blah blah blah. Who cares? Just keep looking at yourself and just get used to looking at yourself. Get used to spending time with yourself. And then where you want to end up at is get used to accepting yourself. You don't need validation. You don't need anybody to look at you. You don't need anybody to smile at you. You don't need anybody to compliment you. I wouldn't say— I don't even know if those things are nice, because nice means it's, it's, it serves a purpose. What purpose does it serve? If you don't love you, it makes you weaker. If someone— if a stranger smiles at you in the street, that is a nice thing, but it is not something you crave or require. It is just the icing on the cake, and the cake is called life. But you should never seek it. Go forth and spread beauty and light. I'm insanely frustrated because I thought people were better. I thought when you get in your 40s and 50s— and if you're young, younger than 40 and 50, you're listening to this, you know, I always call old people are just young people with wrinkles. They're not any smarter, they're not any more mature, they're definitely more worse behaved because now they think they have the right for all that. And God forbid you're in your 20s and you think you have the right to everything. When you're in your 40s, we started with that and you in your 20s. When you're 40s, you're done. But go forth, spread beauty and light, spread who you are, and not look for others to give what they have to you. It's the complete opposite. Go forth and spread beauty and light. Spread it, not try to absorb everyone and everything. You're on the wrong playing field, and you're 180 degrees where you need to be. Spend time with yourself until you really like yourself and then really love yourself, and then you're not gonna need anybody to validate who and what you are. Because I can promise you something, those looks that they're looking at you when you need your validation, it's not because they're impressed with you. I'm Thomas Anglero. Until next time. Thank you for listening to that episode. If you want to contact me, you can contact me on my website at anglero.com, and you can also subscribe to the newsletter, or you can find me anywhere on social media with Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter. Thank you so much, and I hope to hear from you very soon.