31 Aug 2023 · 9 min
Thomas Anglero explores why we buy things that don't actually make us happy. He shares a story about buying an expensive neoprene suit for a triathlon he never did, and argues that insecurity drives most purchases. The real fix is self-knowledge, time with people you care about, and genuine connection.
Welcome to the Soul of Innovation podcast. I am Thomas Anglero, and I want to ask you an important question. Are you one of those people who say that I need something to complete me? Let me give you an example. Are you one of those people who say that I need this Louis Vuitton bag or Louis Vuitton luggage suitcase? Yeah, that's me. I deserve to have a Louis Vuitton. Are you a person who says, I, I just have a BMW, I should have a Mercedes, I should be driving that really fancy sports car? Yeah, that's me. Are you crazy? You are stuff. Stuff completes you. Stuff made by someone else that you're paying a fortune for and waiting forever to get, and then you got to maintain the damn thing if it's cars. That completes you. You're completed by stuff. Why? Why do you think that way? Let me tell you a story. The first time that I figured out this, this, this way of thinking, that I realized how stupid it was, and I embarrassed myself— unfortunately I was by myself— but it hit me and I was like, damn, how— why did it take me so long to figure this out? Many years ago when I was training in triathlons— swimming, biking, running, right, triathlons— I was a good swimmer, but I wanted to be a great swimmer. And I said, you know, to be a great swimmer, what I need is one of those neoprene triathlon full body suits that when you swim in the water makes you more buoyant, and then when you get out the water, you pull down on the zipper and you peel the thing off, you know, as you run to your bike. Looks really cool on TV. And the Hawaiian Ironman. I said, yeah, that's what I need, that's going to make me a great swimmer. And I said, wait a minute, I live in Brooklyn, New York, I swim in the YMCA, that's a tiny little pool. I— you don't need a neoprene swimsuit to swim in the YMCA, it's stupid. Um, the biggest body of water is at Coney Island, that's an hour and a half away each direction. I'm not going to lug this neoprene swimsuit and I would have to wait and swim with the sharks. Not interesting. And I was like, am I stupid? How many races do I do that I need a neoprene suit? I go, I don't— I'll probably do one a year, maybe. All the other races are too short that really would justify the whole transition time with neoprene suit. I was like, well, wait a minute, why am I obsessed with this? Because in my mind's like, if I had that, I would be a great swimmer. But I realized I called my bull and I said, I actually was mentally accepted that if I had that hanging in my closet, this $350 neoprene swimming bodysuit that I would never use, that that would make me a better swimmer knowing it's in my closet. How stupid was that? And I remember putting my hands in my head going, oh my God, when I realized that. But yet I had this craving inside of me, this want, this wanting. Boy, I really need that swimsuit. That would make me the best triathlete ever. And I realized how stupid that was. But yet that feeling was still there. And I think that feeling that's still there is our insecurity about ourselves. And it comes out like it's— maybe our insecurity is a solid shell, and then there's a little crack, and it comes out this little crack. And just in that moment, that little crack was called a neoprene swimsuit. And that's when my insecurity came out and I said, well, if I got that, my insecurity would feel better. And it wouldn't feel better. I would feel horrible because I just spent $350 and something is hanging in the closet. How many of you have things hanging in the closet that cost probably much more than $350 that you've worn or used once, twice, maybe 5 times in the last God knows what decade? Stuff is not you. The stuff that makes you is free, but it costs the most, and that is your time. Sitting here in this chair, sitting where you're sitting, or if you're walking, wherever you are, taking that time and just focusing in on you, quieting your mind down and feeling. What do you feel? Feeling your thoughts and then going through those thoughts and going under those thoughts to go, why do I feel that way? Do you know how hard it is to really answer the question of why you feel the way you feel. That's— that is painful. They want to talk about a cost, because then there is no one else to blame other than you. You go, oh, I feel that way because he said this or she said that. That's bull, and you know that's bull. You control how you react to what people say. So why do you feel that way? There's the question. Why do you feel that way based on what he or she said? Why did you react that way? That has only to do with you. And when you go under that, then you start learning about you. That's free, but it also costs. But it's not stuff. Stuff is the top layer. What I just talked about was the bottom layer, digging deeper inside yourself. When you buy stuff You put that stuff, that sweater, on top of you to make another layer so that you don't even get down to where you need to get down to figure yourself out, for you to grow, for you to mature, for you to blossom and be a person. No, we buy a Mercedes, a BMW— I'm not picking on those brands, great cars, but just as an example, right? But again, we buy a really expensive car, we buy a really expensive dress, sweater, suitcase, pocketbook, I don't know, Pick, pick your poison, but it's all stuff. When you fall in love with someone, do you fall in love with their stuff, or do you fall in love with their smile? Do you fall in love when your eyes connect and you feel this something, this Intimacy, this bond, this magic, this feeling of warmth— that's love. Love is not what the person's wearing. That's what maybe for a moment draws your eyes' attention. But after you say, okay, you got my attention, who are you? You'll spend the rest of your life with that person, with who are you part, not with the sweater and not with the pants, not with anything else, the haircut, the whatever, the muscles. We are so emotional beings. We are forever in search with connecting with people. Connect with people without stuff. You don't need stuff. You don't need to look phenomenal. You just have to be phenomenal. Go forth and spread beauty and light. Don't buy any more stuff. Don't associate yourself to your title at work. Don't associate yourself to anything you wear. Do you really want people to fall in love with the way you look? How long would that last? How deep a conversation will you have? And when you look different, do— does everybody go away? And is that okay with you? Stuff is just stuff. That's why it's such a wonderful word. It's this meaningless 4-letter word, 5-letter word, stuff, right? You say it enough times, like, why do I have stuff? And that's the point. You have you, and everyone wants to get to know you, not your stuff. They want to feel you, they want to sense you. And those people, they give you a hug, they want to be able to smell you. The feeling of love, that's what it's all about. So the next time you go to your closet, or you go to your garage, or you go to your basement, or suitcases or boxes, whatever you have that you store your stuff, I want you to feel uncomfortable. And that's okay, because that's not who you are. That's who you were. Now get rid of that stuff and let who you're going to be be. I'm Thomas Anglero. Until next time.
