Your Hug Changed My Life

Welcome to the Soul of Innovation podcast. I am Thomas Anglero, and I want to share with you a personal story, something I experienced that I think is the absolute perfect example of how you or anyone, a stranger, can make a difference in someone's life, especially a young person, by just giving them attention. And with that attention, love. Let me share with you what happened to me back in high school. And this story I hold on to this day, and that's why I'm sharing with you now. Back when I was in high school, Hackley School in Tarrytown, New York, I was the star of the basketball team, and we had a Friday night game where they opened up the entire gym, filled the tribune, the stands, with people. And it was only a few seconds left in the game, we were down by one point. I took the winning shot and I missed. I lost the game for my team. I lost the game in front of the home crowd. In front of friends, in front of the family members of my teammates, in front of my coach. I let everybody down, and especially myself. I, I was devastated. After the game's over, the coach calls us aside, puts us in a huddle, says a few words of encouragement— or belittling, let's be honest, he wasn't a great coach. And then after that, everybody headed down the steps towards the locker room. I went the opposite direction. It was a big hall, so I just walked around the court and walked through the hall to find an empty corner on the— all the way on the opposite side of the gym. I needed to be alone. I wanted to find a certain spot where nobody could see me, find me. So I could cry. So I went all the way to the other side of the gym. It was dark. I remember I actually went through a fire exit. Jesus, I remember the details of that. I went through this fire exit, and then there were the steps going down. I figured behind this fire exit door, on these top of the steps, no one will find me, and most importantly, nobody will hear me crying. And I cried my eyes out. I let everybody down. I hear, you know, you dream about that moment taking the winning shot, and I failed. The embarrassment of doing in front of people was pretty bad, but the fact that I lost, I failed, killed me. Was just— so I cried and I cried, and I was beside myself. It was our first Friday night game in front of everybody. I was devastated. And as I was crying, I felt this arm reach over my shoulders and started to hug me. And I'm crying so much, and I just felt someone hugging me, someone trying to hug me, reach over me. I just turned into the person's arm, into their chest, and I cried some more. And they squeezed me with both arms. And I cried and cried into his chest, and I was saying that I lost, I'm a failure, I tried. When I sort of got a chance to compose myself, which took a while, I looked up and I saw that the person who went out of their way to find me was the father of one of the players. But not only that, he was the wealthiest man in the school. Of all the families in the school, this family, this man was— he was a billionaire. He had over a billion US dollars back in the early '80s. That's a lot of money. He must have watched me from the time I missed that shot to the time we huddled as a team, to the time I walked away from the team going the opposite direction, trying to find a quiet place, a place where nobody would find me. He watched me, followed me. To take care of me. He just stood there holding me. I wiped my tears away. I took a few steps, I started to cry again, and he just held on to me, supporting me. And he said, you're going to be okay. And I heard those words and I stood straight up. I wiped my tears away again using my sweaty shirt, jersey. I said to him, thank you. I cried. I said thank you. Now I was crying not so much because I lost the game. I was crying because I realized this man has just made a difference in my life. He just changed my life. He just changed me. He's a complete stranger. I've never talked to him before. I'm intimidated by him. I knew who he was. He was the wealthiest man— he's one of the wealthiest men in the United States back then. He was the chairman of the board of the school. He was the most influential man there was. When he came to school, he came in a brand new beautiful Porsche 928. I'm dating myself, but that was the flagship car Porsche back then. That thing was, uh, $150,000 in the 1980s. He had one in burgundy with gold rim wheels. I remember it so clearly because every time I saw it, I was like, oh my God, how much does that cost? So he was an untouchable. I never thought I would even ever make eye contact with him, but he, he's the one who came to my rescue. He's the one who came to find me. He's the one who knew what I was going through. He's the one who found me to hug me and to take care of me. Here I am now today, many, many years later, and I realize like a light bulb went off in my head. To be who he was, to be a billionaire, how many times did he fail just like I did? How many times did he, in front of tons of people, crowds of people, fail. He knew what I was feeling. He knew what it means to give your absolute all— not just sweat, not just blood, but your entire life into that moment, into that entire game— and to fail. He knew. So he came to give love to me, a kid who's a total stranger, a kid from the ghetto, a kid who's a different color of the skin than him, probably different religion, total stranger. But in that moment, we were brothers. In that moment, he was my father. Because my family never came to any of my games. My friends who were from the Lower East Side never traveled that far to my school. I knew I was alone, but he made sure I wasn't. You don't have to be a billionaire to reach out and change someone's life. The fact that he was makes the story even more interesting, but the simplicity of it— if I looked up and looked into that person's eyes and it had been anyone else, the story would be exactly the same. Giving love to someone when they need it, right at the moment that they need it, giving them just a hug, standing there holding them up as they cry in tears, giving them the support they need that they cannot provide for themselves in that moment. Just being there for them changes their life. And I tell this story because this man His, his body, his shoulders, his arm. I remember smelling his cologne to this day. Changed my life because he did not have to be there. He did not have to follow me to take care of me. He didn't know me. After that day, I never really saw him again. We live in two different worlds. He's a multi-billionaire. I'm just some kid from the projects who's going to one of the best private high schools in the world. I'm blessed and lucky as hell. We live in two totally different universes, but he made sure we didn't when I needed him, when I needed someone. But I didn't know that. Go forth and spread beauty and light. Be there for someone. It's not about the money. So many people are caught up with money. He understood that love, love, a hug when you need that hug is more than money. It changes your soul. It defines me. I'm proud of this story. I am proud of passing on his influence on me to all of you. Hug someone. Be there for someone. You don't even have to hug them, just be there for them. Sit by their side. I'll share with you one last story. This is not mine, but I think it's just as appropriate. Two friends, two guys, great friends, always going out partying together, drinking together, going to the bar together. That's what they did. One of the guys, his mother passed away. He couldn't leave his house after that. He was upset. He was devastated. His buddy came over the house, came over to the guy's house and rang the doorbell and said, 'I know you're home and I know you don't want to talk to anybody, but I'm gonna sit here right outside your door.' And he sat there every day with a 6-pack of beer just to let his friend know that he's there for him. After several days, his friend finally came out and opened the door. They didn't hug and embrace. The guy just offered him a beer and he opened it up. That was like the biggest hug in the world. And he just told his friend, you know, I've been on the other side of this door the whole time. And the guy said, I know. You just got to be there for someone. You don't have to be from the same family, demographic, financial status, culture. You don't even have to know the person, but be there for someone when they need it. You want to change the world? Change it one person at a time by being there for someone. When they need you. I'm Thomas Anglero. I hope I'm being there for you now, and that with the sharing of my story, my experience many years ago, that In my mouth right now, I feel, I taste the experience again. It lives on. And to Mr. Allen, God bless you, I love you, and thank you for being there for me. And to all you listening, Make a difference in someone's life and just be there for them. It's the ultimate form of love. Until next time.