How To Talk To Anyone As An Introvert (Build Rapport)

Hey, this is Julian from Advanced Agent Marketing. In today's video, we are going to be going over how even an introvert can make engaging conversation and build rapport. So the concept that I'm going to be talking about and covering in today's video is called backdoor rapport. And the way that this is structured is instead of using outdated methods like the Fort method, where you come in and you spend the first five to 10 minutes trying to break into this person's personal life with a bunch of really forward questions about their family or hobbies or whatever, in this method, you would get straight to business. And the way that I would always approach that is by saying, hey, if it's okay with you, I'm sure you're busy. I am as well. I'm just going to jump straight into if that's okay. And right there, I'm asking for their permission. Because typically nobody wants to hear about what the insurance guy has to say for the first 10, 15 minutes of the conversation anyways. So they agree every single time. And all of a sudden, now you can get straight into the qualifying process, which is where I'll start asking health questions. Who are you planning on leaving this behind to? All of these questions that are going to get your prospect qualified and figuring out whether or not they're actually even a buyer. Now, when I'm going through this appointment and I'm trying to get to know my prospect, because if they don't know you and trust you, they're not going to buy from you, I'm always going to start slipping in little questions on the back end. And you do this by taking the middle of their sentence, which is typically where the subject lies, and you pull it out to the very end, which is the first thing that you start your sentence with. So. So for an example, I might be talking with Ms. Jones, and I say, you know, Ms. Jones, what got you thinking about this kind of thing? And all of a sudden, hey, you know, I'd like to leave this behind for my husband. Oh, great. Okay. Well, you said your husband. How long have you guys been married? And all of a sudden now I have a conversation that has stemmed from this. And so from there, I'll keep, you know, expanding upon that subject until I've gotten just enough data to be dangerous and that I can use later in the sale, but not too much to where I'm off in Mars having a random conversation about, you know, how they raised a dog together 30, 40 years ago. So what you want to do here with a prospect Is you always want to get into the middle of the conversation. There's a lot of fluff that surrounds everybody's actual point, right? So for an example, I might say, hey, you know what? I'm thinking about heading to the store later. Is there anything that you might like? The real question is, need anything from the store? So you can condense the majority of sentences into just either a few small words or just one word in general, which is typically, again, the subject. In this case, it would be the store. And so therefore, you know, if you're using a store example, you could say, oh, you're going to the store. I would like, blah, blah. So in the, in the example of Mrs. Jones and her husband, when she's talking about, yeah, I'd like to leave it to my husband. All of a sudden I want to know, how long have you guys been married? That's great. Are you all from around here? Have you lived here your whole lives? Oh, great. Blah, blah, right? And then all of a sudden they're going to give me more data with each sentence that I keep popping off at them. So, oh, okay. How long have you guys been married? Just say, oh, well, we've been married for 30 years now and our anniversary was just last weekend. Wow, 30th anniversary. That's awesome. Can you give me some tips and tricks on how to have a successful marriage? You're not going to get out of that conversation for a while. I'll go ahead and tell you that right now, because I've done this before. And you do have to be careful when you're using this method because you can get stuck in Neverland if you don't cut off the conversation. And so here's what I'm going to tell you in regards to that so you don't get dragged off into a whole other plane of existence. When talking with a prospect, you always want to collect data and then cut it off, right? You want to give them enough time to give you information, to feel heard and, and to also build trust with you. But not too much to where it's overwhelming to the agent, to where you can no longer get through the health questions, you can no longer qualify your prospect. You can no longer see if things are in their budget, things like that. Because we're here ultimately to do business, not to make friends. That's why I'm not pro. The fort method is because if you want to have friends and do all that stuff, you can go downtown, wherever you live, and start up a conversation when you're talking with a prospect. And maybe they are dragging you off into Neverland and they're saying, hey, oh, we've been married for 30 years. Our last anniversary, we went out to Paris and we did this, this and that, and the vineyards were great. Have you ever been it is okay to ignore your prospect. Yes, that's what I said. You can ignore the prospect. If they're talking about all this extra stuff, it's okay to be focused because you are here to do business. And so what I'll always do is either acknowledge verbally. Oh, that's awesome. So here I have listed and I'm back into the appointment. Or you can just hit them with complete silence, depending on if they're not getting the oh, that's awesome message. If they are taking acknowledgement as a cue to continue going, it's okay to ignore them. Yeah, we were back in Monaco, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. As soon as she stops, always be respectful. Okay, Ms. Jonesian. So here I've got down to your age, Boom, right? And you're back on track because you don't want to get taken off track in your appointment by using this rapport building method, but you do want to always. The way that I do it is I go with either one or two points of data and then retract. Right. So I might say, how long have you been married? Oh, great, did y' all get married here? And then I'll retract because if I continue the conversation further, I am now inviting her to bombard me with facts that I don't want to hear that she doesn't even want to tell. More than likely. But maybe she's excited because there is someone who is actually inquisitive about what it is that she has going on. Right? She doesn't. Typically these seniors don't get out in front of a lot of people. And so, you know, maybe you entertaining this person with that conversation is exciting for them. And so this is why it's such an efficient way to build rapport, is because they get excited to talk about themselves. It's everyone's number one favorite topic. So for an example of a more common lifestyle way of using this, if you had a neighbor who's walking out say, hey neighbor, how's it going? Oh, it's going okay. How are you doing? I will reply with, yeah, I'm doing alright. Why only. Okay, all of a sudden you're going to start seeing people pause, you're going to start seeing different facial expressions than you've ever seen before. When you start expanding on the subject that people offer you because when they tell you that they're only okay and then you ask, nobody ever asks that question. And so whenever you're talking to a prospect, if you just take it one to two steps further, take it anywhere beyond that and it's going to become overwhelming for them because they're going to get off track, right? They're no longer thinking about business and you're going to get off track because you're no longer thinking about business. But for as long as you use 1 and 2 points of data and then retract every time, you'll build unbreakable trust. You'll build rapport like you've never seen. And you'll make friends with strangers like you never have before simply by asking the extra question of is wildly alright. And so just keep this in mind moving forward. You can apply this in your next sales appointment. I would suggest role playing it out with maybe a coworker, a friend or honestly, I've done it by myself before, I can talk to a wall, but that's besides the point. So whenever you're talking to someone, instead of listening to each and every individual word, seek the subject. And you know, just make sure that's exactly what you're breaking down on every single time. Because if you start asking them, you know, oh, okay, you said what about that? And then you expand on a random word like that, you're going to look pretty stupid. So make sure you are expanding on the subject and that's going to wrap everything up for today. I just want to give you everybody a quick thank you here for watching today's video. 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