Alison Clarke, a coach for adopted individuals, shares how recognizing her own attachment patterns transformed her relationships. She emphasizes that coaches don't give advice but help clients access their own wisdom, and that happiness comes from accepting what is rather than chasing external validation.
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Welcome to the Business Blast Podcast. I'm your host, Tyler Wagner. This episode is brought to you by WagsMedia. WagsMedia provides you with everything you need to generate more customers and grow your brand. Head on over to wagsmedia.com, W-A-G-S-M-E-D-I-A dot com, to enter a contest where you can win a free, done-for-you custom website valued at $2,500 for a limited time only. Now let's jump into the episode.
All right everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Business Blast Podcast. I'm your host Tyler Wagner. Today I have Allison Clark with us. She is an expert coach in the field of helping adopted people let go of insecurity, anxiety, and fear. Year.
So welcome to the show.
Thank you very much.
Of course, grateful to have you here, Alison. Uh, we'll dive into the first one. The first question I have for you is, what is the best story from your life that has an underlying valuable message?
Um, I guess the best story, um, from my life as an adopted person, um, was relating to relationships, which is where adoptees have the most difficulties. And I've had many relationships over the years that have gone horribly wrong. And for a long time, I thought it was them. I thought it was all of the men that were to blame. And then there I was one day flicking through an old diary after yet another failed relationship. And as I read what I'd written over the years, I noticed that there was a theme playing out through all of the relationships. And I noticed that the common denominator in all of them going wrong and all the issues that I thought were the fault of other people were actually my repeating patterns around insecurity and love and attachment and rejection. And I realized at that moment that if I wanted to see change in my outer world, then I had to look at my inner world and start with me.
Thanks for sharing that with us. And the next one, I'm excited for your answer on this one, is what is the most valuable piece of information that we should know that's within your expertise or industry?
That's a really good question, actually, because I think the coaching industry is so misunderstood. So I would kind of like to just say about that, that coaches don't offer advice. They don't tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing, but we point you to your own wisdom. Um, we create a space for you to explore in new ways things that maybe hadn't occurred to you previously, so that you can find fresh new thinking and your own new perspective. So coaching is about helping people to find their own truth and to empower them to live the life that they want to live. So I'd love to kind of, you know, clear up that misunderstanding.
Yeah, and I think it is actually the coaching industry. It's interesting, I think, um, there is a lot of misconceptions in it. So thanks for shining light on that. Um, and what's your best piece of like overall business advice. So maybe if you want to stick to coaching, like if somebody wanted to be a coach in any industry, like what's the first thing you would tell them? Like how would they get started?
Uh, the best piece of advice I think I can give is to just start. You don't need to wait for conditions to be right. You don't need to wait for enough time. Don't, don't really, don't bother waiting for motivation or inspiration. Just start. And when you start, there is this kind of natural momentum that then follows. And, and, you know, then it offers up the next step. Just take that next step, and then the next one, and then watch how things unfold, because they do. But you just literally have to start.
And if you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would that be?
Gosh, well, um, my younger self had so many issues. Being adopted is now recognized as living with developmental PTSD. So I would love to tell her that everything that she was looking outside of herself to make her feel loved and good enough already existed inside her. And I mean, actually, that's true for everybody, but I'd love to tell her that her well-being doesn't depend on the latest boyfriend or a handbag or a pair of shoes, because we try and find our well-being in stuff as well as people. And we look outside of ourselves for affirmation that we are enough and that we are lovable, and then kind of put that responsibility onto other people to prove that to us. So I guess I'd love to tell her to just know that she is perfect, to fall in love with herself. And then she would have made healthier choices from that place of love because it changes everything. You know, our, our only problems are that we think that we have problems.
Hmm. And in your opinion, what's the key to happiness?
The key to happiness, it's not going to be a very popular one, but the key to happiness is being okay with what is. Um, it's when we're in resistance to what is that we create suffering. So if we can be okay with whatever is happening in, in your life, be okay with any uncomfortable feelings, be okay with anything that you might wish wasn't happening then peace of mind follows. And it's when we're mentally fighting life that we create unhappiness. So the key is really just to be okay with what is, and then without the noise of that internal fight, we're more likely to come up with creative options and solutions to the things that we would rather not be experiencing. So, you know, it's It's kind of back to that message of stop looking outside of yourself for happiness because you've already got it.
And what is the best book that you've read and what was the number one thing you learned from that?
The best book I've read, um, is called The Missing Link by Sid Banks. It's a short book and I read it in one sitting and I cried for ages. Afterwards, because I learned in that book that simply just via my capacity to think, I'd been creating my entire experience of life. That life wasn't happening to me and wasn't to blame for how I was feeling in this moment. It was how I was seeing it that was creating the feelings, and that I and only I was responsible for how I felt or still feel in any given situation. And it was in that book that I found emotional freedom.
And what is your favorite quote and why?
My favorite quote is by Mooji. I don't know if you know Mooji. And it is, I'm not telling you you are good enough. I am telling you you are perfect. And we are all perfect without exception. Our behaviors might not be perfect, our beliefs about who we are or what is possible and what that means in relation to others might not look perfect, but inside, underneath all of the made-up character that we act out of or act out from, is this place of effortless love of okayness, of simplicity and perfection. But we cover it up with our insecure stories and beliefs. But it is there waiting for us to discover that perfection is who we are.
That was beautiful.
Thank you, uh, so much for sharing, uh, everything that you did in this interview. The last question that I have for you before we let you go is, where is the best place for people to find you online?
Well, thank you too, Tyler, for inviting me to this interview. Um, the best place for people to find me is via my website, which is dealingwithadoption.com. There are forms you can fill out on there, or you can book to have a call with me online, or you could email me on help@dealingwithadoption.com.
Perfect.
Thanks again for coming on.
Thank you very much for having me.
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