Conversations With Stephanie Part 2

Yo everybody, Tyler and Stephanie here.

We're gonna talk— this is part 2, and this is the first video, but this is part 2 of our interview series that we're doing. She's writing a book called The Daughter of He, and yeah, we're working together on it.

Stephanie? Hi, I'm Stephanie. I'm, uh, clearly, and I'm also the daughter in the Daughter of Pete. And, um, okay, so, so let's get started.

And I think what we can do too is like, I'm not gonna— it's up to you, but I'm not gonna really look over there. We'll just talk, you know?

No, I think that that's a good idea because the fact that if I, if I look that way, I already have the tendency to just look at me and I'm like, no, look at the camera.

All right, so, oh yeah, so, so start because we were just, we were just talking, um, so start where you were with, um, you said Stephanie delusional.

Yes. Okay, okay, so, you know, there's, uh, there's many people that they have all these amazing ideas, they have revolutionary ideas, ideas that can make humanity evolve higher in consciousness and higher in knowledge. Now, wisdom and knowledge are two separate things, but let's get to the fact that we all have unique ideas, we're all different. However, many don't express their true selves out of fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, and fear of the opinions of others. Because we live in a society that we base our self-worth in what others think of us. It is never what we think of ourselves, very seldom. And in order for you to get into your genuine self and destroy the ego, the ego's insecurity, you need to be secure about who you are as a person. And for me, the only way that that happened was hitting complete rock bottom. And then realizing that I have now nothing to lose because of the fact that all my life, because of my mind, because of my interest, because of my appearance, I've always been ridiculed, gossiped about. A lot of the times when I was younger, I used to act more in my heart and desires that I had free of rejection, free of not caring what others thought of me. And once I started to truly be myself, people are afraid of that. They fear that when they see somebody that is finally their themselves, they want to get there. And the way of bringing that person down is by ridiculing them, making fun of them. And for me, it got to a point where a lot of rejection from society led me to suicidal thoughts. And I knew that I had so much to offer the world in terms of my unique mind and my ideas, but it came to a point that they almost were dead forever because of the type of perception that others had of me. And, you know, the world works as a mirror where What I think of others is what I think of myself. That's why I'm able to recognize it in other people. And that's a blessing if you want to take it in terms of spiritual growth, that if somebody doesn't think well about you and they tell you a fault that they see, you should take that as something to work on. Or it can just be completely misleading where you just say, for example, somebody were to tell me, oh Stephanie, you're worthless. For example. That's what they think of themselves. However, if I'm secure and I know my self-worth, I am not going to get affected by that. And instead, I would have compassion for them because I see that they're suffering. Yeah. And a lot of people, if you're hurt, they want to hurt that back. And for so long, when I first was coming out of this complete depletion of the soul, and I was finally coming out. And I numbed myself with weed 24/7 to not feel anything. I also numbed my mind because I was afraid of my mind. I was afraid of the type of ideas that I held, and these ideas led with math and physics on how existence began. Now that's an interest that not many people hold. But I always pursued that because I found that if we know where we come from, then we know where we're going. But most importantly, we realize our infinite potential and capabilities because of— I'm sorry. No, no, you're good.

I was just going to say on that, like, it kind of comes back a little bit to— if you remember when I asked you about, like, death, like, where do you think we go after we die? And I brought up Alan Watts about how he kind of What he says is it's like, what was it like before you were born? That's what it's going to be like after you die. That's his opinion. I don't think that's really based off of any mathematical— just knowing about it. It's wisdom. It's intuition.

Yeah.

So is that something you can—

do you think that's true, or is it maybe a little different before and after? So I'm glad you brought that up, because in the book that I gifted you just now of Dan Brown's Origin, They talk about that.

Oh, great.

So this is why—

Good guess.

Yes. So this is why I said, I was like, the Da Vinci Code, I need to build— I'm a teacher, so I know how to build my students up. And I know how to introduce them ideas. And they need those ideas first before they get to the next step. Because then they see that new information with new eyes. OK? So in there, I'm not— I don't want to spoil it for you, but there's a Paul Gauguin painting called "Who Are We, Where Do We Come From, and Where Are We Going?" Yeah. Okay, and it's a beautiful, beautiful piece that resides, I believe, in the Metropolitan Museum. And it is perhaps— it's long, very short in this, in this height. And I analyzed this painting extensively when I was an art history student at New York University. And what I found beautiful about it is that in my analysis, and then afterwards, I discovered that we're going exactly where we came from.

Ah, okay, so—

So it's kind of like a loop of past and present and future all being one of the same. Now, Alan Watts said that you can go, you know, when you go to death, it's like when you were born. However, I mean, at least in my perspective and my terms, I was able to go to that place of after death through a meditation.

Mm-hmm. Ah, well, tell us more about that.

Yes, and so, you know, this is very interesting because two things. I got very connected. I was already connected to the spiritual world since I was very young. I just never actually explored these abilities, and instead they saw this as a mental illness. And I was completely drowned in medications up to the point where I would be prescribed 8 pills per day, and I did the count, it was like something insane, like 1,000 pills per year. Okay? And I remember just looking at the pill box of like morning, afternoon, you know, noon, and This was the reason why I dropped out of architecture school, was because I was so doped up in, I call them drugs because they literally are. And I couldn't, Adderall, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, sleeping medication. I mean, I needed a pill for everything, you know? They completely deplete you.

Well, I know, yeah, Adderall, can't sleep, so then you need the sleep thing, and then.

And then, exactly, and then you get anxiety from the Adderall, so you take the anti-anxiety, and then you're completely depressed, that your body is just going through all these emotions that you're taking antidepressants. Now, if antidepressants worked, why is it that people never get off them?

Yeah, because they don't work.

It's a business, exactly. And I was a victim of big pharma. Not in this upcoming publication, I do talk a little bit about that in my memoirs of the entire time that I was doped up, how my mind changed, how I lost a lot of I don't wanna, the word psychic is so tampered and tainted that I don't like to use it, but just having extrasensory perception, if you wanna call it that. And it got to the point where I completely lost all my abilities. I completely lost who I was. I completely lost my self-worth because I was led to believe that A, I needed drugs in order to be part of society and function in society. Society. And then B, I was completely left with no worth because I felt worthless, you know. So that in itself led to suicide attempts. If you— I don't know if I showed you this, but here is the scratch of one of them where I cut myself. It's still there. This one didn't heal, and I'm glad it didn't because it reminds me of— yeah, it's a reminder of the strength that you carry inside if you start to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. And who you are is who you choose to become. Only you can dictate your worth. And then I also have from when I was almost gang raped and killed, which that story I have to send to you. It's a beautiful manuscript. I say beautiful because in this time of near death, and I already did a near death experience with an overdose of Adderall.

I was literally going to ask you about that. Tell us a little about that because that's pretty wild, like the heart rate and just the experience.

Yeah, so I was, uh, I was in architecture school and right now I would be able to do it how I am right now. And at the time I was just not equipped emotionally. I was too doped up and regardless I was on top of my class.

Yeah.

And even then, so I would get ridiculed in high school for from, let's say, the girls because of the way that I looked. And that in itself is— I will say that the prettiest girls are the ones that are the most insecure because that's a conversation for another time. But it basically deals with guys are just there to use you and girls gossip about you. So in the end, you're left depleted and worthless as well.

For sure, yeah.

So So when I had the Adderall overdose, it got to the point where I was taking— this was with Vyvanse, by the way. Vyvanse is also amphetamines, and it's the new Adderall. It's like, it's more potent. Yeah, yeah. And I will say, I mean, I had my wild ride, but the type of information that I was able to absorb, because that's what these Fence too. Yeah, and they're giving this to kids. Yeah, you know, it's absolutely insane. So like 4 hours worth of information, you can absorb it in 30 minutes. Yeah, and my mind would come to the point where I would just be through, out of here, into the area where I obtained so much information about the origin of existence, the origin of physical matter, how matter is created, where existence even comes from, you know, and whether That's another talk, whether I exist, whether you exist, right?

Which is a really good topic.

Yeah, so I came into the hospital with 271 beats per minute in my heart. I've always been an athlete, so they were like, "It's a miracle that your heart didn't explode." And what was really messed up, and this always happens, it happened was that, and with other people still going on, I got to the emergency room and I already had a, I have a PhD in withdrawing because I've gone and I've experienced that so many times that I had to get out of it. And at the same time, also after rehab, I had to, you know, get out of it again when I relapsed in the beginning of it, in the beginning of recovery. And I know that you have to stay very calm because if you get into anxiety, you can literally die. You could literally kill yourself. If you're overdosing and you get anxiety, that panic attack is going to make your lungs congested, your entire respiratory system is going to shut down, and that's the end of it, right? So I go in the most monochrome tone of voice to the lady in registration of the emergency room the emergency room, you know, the one in the front desk. And I go, I am overdosing, I'm about to have a heart attack. And she's like, oh, just sit over there, we'll assist you later. I faked fainting.

Wow.

Yes.

This is when your heart was that high?

It hadn't gone yet.

Not yet, okay, it was about to.

So I fainted, but here's the crazy thing, when I fainted was the fact that somehow my mind shut down. That was the point where it was like, I'm done. And in that instance, then she started freaking out. And I'm like, I need, you know, I'm here overdosing, I'm about to die. You know, it was just a horrendous experience. And she didn't even care. She's like, oh, just sit over there, we'll be right with you.

Yeah.

When somebody comes in and says, I'm overdosing, and I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack, don't you think that they should go directly into getting an assistance?

Yeah, I think so. I can totally relate, just real quick, because as you know, I've had panic attacks. I think I told you about it. No, I didn't know that. Oh, I didn't tell you?

No.

I've had it. It's now been about 6 months since I've had one, but I went through a 3 to 6 month period where I was having them weekly. And I didn't know why.

Were you smoking weed?

No, I was— from what they tell me, it was just that I was overworking. Is what they say, and that I wasn't— I'm very much an extremist.

You're like me, black and white.

Yeah, so what I'll do is when I'm focused on a target with work, I'll totally forget about my nutrition, my health, everything else, and just work, work, work. So now, luckily, I figured that out, and I do have more of a balance. Sometimes I think I still overextend and work a little bit. So they kept happening, but the first one, my first one I had, I didn't know it was a panic attack. I thought it was a heart attack. And it's horrible.

I've had it many times because your mind's melting. Like, you're just like, yeah.

I literally called my mom to tell her that I thought I was dying.

I really did.

I called her and I was like, I don't think I'm gonna make it. I want you to know.

I love you.

I want you to know how I feel about you. I like you a lot. I love you. Um, and then I literally called a Lyft, or like an Uber, like Lyft. And I get in the car and I'm like, listen, I need you to take me to the emergency room immediately. Do whatever it takes, get me there. I'm having a heart attack. And the guy was like scared shitless, but he still got me there. He was blowing red lights. It was so crazy. And I was like, I'll pay the ticket, like just get us there. So luckily no ticket somehow. And he got— it was right here, Mount Sinai.

So like, don't ever go to Mercy Hospital. They have anything but mercy on you.

Horrible, horrible. But the same thing same thing as you're saying happened. I went up to the front desk and then she— I said basically, I think I'm having a heart attack, I need you to get me in there right now. And then she was like, you can go wait and like sit over there. And I was like, I didn't fake fainting, but I told them like, no, like I'm not okay. And then they took me— they didn't take me back right away, but they took me to the side, took my heart rate, and now I'm blank. I think it was like 180 or something, 180, so pretty fast, not 270, but It was fast enough where I was going in and out of consciousness, like I wasn't— and then they took me back and they did— said everything was fine, but it was a panic attack. But what I think is interesting is that, like what you're saying, is anxiety. So if I— obviously I did have anxiety there, but if I let anxiety go to another level, could I have actually— could that have actually really hurt me? Could anxiety take me to a level of—

It feels like you're dying. However, if there's some drugs involved, the chances— I don't know the statistics, but I don't think that you can die from a panic attack. I think that drugs have to be involved.

So drugs and then anxiety on top of it. Exactly.

Because especially in benzamines, you're, you know, okay, so I was prescribed at that time 30 milligrams. Okay.

Yeah, which is—

I was under 290.

Yeah, I think I was prescribed 40 a day for a while. Yeah, when I was younger, and I never— I would take half of the 20, like the little orange ones. I would take 10 milligrams, and that would— for the whole day, I'd be set.

Yeah, you would be like wired up.

40 is like— so sorry, go ahead.

So yeah, 200 to 90.

That is an insane, unfathomable amount.

Well, here's the thing. I was under a lot of other prescription medication and other stuff too, right? Well, weed.

Yeah, weed. And that you weren't taking the, like, anxiety or, like, antidepressants at this time?

Oh my God, I've had such a journey with prescription medication that I think it was— I was under antidepressants. And I— yeah, I think it was antidepressants I was at under this point and under what they call an antipsychotic. Okay, and that came from, from me telling, you know, my psychiatrist there, they just love giving those prescriptions, right? And my God, and it was always this new one that when I checked it out online, it was like $1,000 per month a bottle. And I'm like, how much are you getting from that? You know, she's like, refills, 3 of them.

Yeah.

And I'm like, How much are you thinking? You know? And there's no cure because the cure is inside. The outside world doesn't exist. It does, but it's an illusion. Okay? What really exists is our souls.

So just to clarify, because I think this is crazy, so the doctor does get a cut when—

Absolutely.

Yeah, see, that's like— That's messed up. What is that called? That like shouldn't be allowed. It's like, forget the name. There's actually a name for that business where it's like, You shouldn't— it's a conflict of interest pretty much, right? Because if the doctor's there to help you, then they shouldn't be incentivized to sell. They should just— their only incentive should be that you get better. It shouldn't be to make money off of you.

Here's the thing. For people that really truly want to make you better, they're not going to change who you are as a person uniquely. They're not there to change you with drugs that they're making psychiatrists are not there to help you. They're there to help themselves. And the American Board of Psychiatry— I've done a lot of research because this is part of not so much of the Daughter of He, but an upcoming book that deals a lot with government corruption and how we're all controlled and how our emotions are suppressed and our emotions are manipulated by I don't want to say the elites, but the global financial corporations and governments that— and religion— that they can only exist through fear, shame, guilt, and depression. Oh yeah, we talked about that. So that, and the big pharma and all of that, that goes into that upcoming publication after the photography. But what happens when— by the way, 70% of Americans right now are under prescription medications.

70%.

So, you know, people are not talking about this, you know.

Yeah, what defines that, just so I understand?

Okay, so number 1, the most prescribed, is antidepressants.

Really?

And number 2 is opiates. We have an opiate epidemic.

Yeah.

You know, and then there's a lot of them that goes indirectly correlated to depression, which is diabetes prescription medication. And that goes with the emotion, literally when they say eating your emotions. So when you start not loving yourself, not taking care of your body, engaging in foods to make you feel good just temporarily, but then you look in the mirror and you're depressed, so the effects of that, and that's all a system because then afterwards in diabetes, how much money are they making from, you know, American being obese? Obese, like an obese country.

Yeah.

So there's some that are antidepressants and some that are more towards diabetic type of medication. But all in all, it's all correlated to emotions because what we feed our bodies is very important. And people don't realize that what you put in is the type of fuel that you're running under. Yeah. And your mind is the muscle that consumes the most energy. So that's what you're feeding your mind, and your mind is what operates your reality, you know. And so let me just get back. We got a little bit sidetracked. Yeah, we always do that. So we take you on a wild ride. Always. Yeah. But just to And with big pharma, because I really don't want to get too much into that just because it's not part of this interview, but it's something that is very important, is the fact that people don't realize that the American Board of Psychiatry is a nonprofit organization, and even though they make billions and billions a year, they don't pay taxes. And not only that, but the CEO which I'm not going to get into the name of him. Yeah, he invests in nuclear research. So just leaving it off right there. Yeah, just to something to think about.

You have to tune in for another one to hear more about that.

Yeah, and the type of research that I have is astronomical. It opened up my eyes at how grateful I am that miraculously I got out of all of that. You know, that I was a victim of big pharma, and the reason that they do that is because the economy doesn't profit if we're happy. The economy doesn't operate if we're already realizing that we're perfect and complete. We wouldn't be looking for something externally to satisfy us. We wouldn't be looking for materialism. For the watch, the car, the apartment. I mean, it's okay to have these things. I'm not saying that materialism is all bad. It's just the intent of it. Whether you use materialism as a way to feed a void that you created in yourself, and you use materialism to make you happy, is completely different from being happy and then liking materialism that is beautiful. Okay, there's two very, very different things. When you use materialism for happiness and you don't love yourself and feel complete is very different than when you are complete and you have materialism. Yeah, you have it, you don't use it. Okay, so it's not an identification of who you are.

Absolutely.

Okay, and so we'll leave it there, but I wanted to get back to when I overdosed. Yeah, so I went in as soon as I fainted, of course Everybody then rushed, and I'm like, yeah, this is what I needed, you know. I know that I'm about to die, but I'm trying to play it cool because if I freak out, I'm like, my throat's gonna shut off.

Yeah.

And, um, and so as soon as I collapsed, the doctors came, they picked me up. For some reason, which I'm still— that's a good question because I never thought about it that way, but that's something that is still debatable— is the fact that I don't know why when I fainted, my heartbeat just started going at 271 beats per minute.

Yes.

I don't understand, that was the peak of it. All I vaguely remember, I do remember a lot, but—

It's so high, 271 is so high.

They were like, it's a miracle that you're still here.

Yeah.

And it happened for a couple of reasons. And the number one is that I've always been an avid athlete. I've always, I played tennis growing up, cross country, track and field. I worked out a lot, so I had a very strong heart to start off. And number 2 is the experience that happened of this near-death experience that it left me, I was already connected to the metaphysical realm or the spiritual realm since I was younger, but that was not, and that was looked at as, that's not normal, she shouldn't be For example, getting— it wasn't voices telling me like, go kill yourself, go do this, go do that. It was more voices of another dimension that they were there to give me ideas, ideas on how to evolve humanity through consciousness and through knowledge. So I would get a lot of ideas of the creation of existence, of the beginning of time. And then I was so stupid because of the fact— I shouldn't say the word stupid because that's a very strong word. Strong word, but I searched relentlessly to find the origin of time, and there is no origin.

You spent your whole life searching for that.

And it just came to the moment where I was disappointed because the ego was like, I wanted to be the person to patent my formulas and prove that time is at the beginning. And then all of a sudden I'm getting this information that time is an illusion and also time is infinite.

Yes.

You know?

Yeah. So, how long did you spend on that? I'm just curious.

Many, many years.

Years? Oh, wow.

It started my curiosity. I mean, I studied calculus, you know, I was very fortunate to go to a program at Harvard when I was 16. And this was still when I was in high school. And I was able to study calculus with an amazing German professor who has your last name, Wagner.

Yes.

Yeah, so German. And so he— it was incredible. It was incredible because that's when— I always had a passion for math, but I never understood why I had that passion until much later on.

Tell us why, because most people, especially calculus, I honestly hated calculus.

Well, it was for a couple of things. It first started off as to feed my insecurity. So if I was able to solve hard formulas and complex formulas and solve knowledge or problems that many people can't, it made me feel better about the bullying that I had.

Yeah.

So it made me have a sense of self-worth. That somehow I was able to, you know, achieve things that others weren't able to. So at least, you know, it got to—

makes sense. It just still takes a lot of, like, willpower, determination to even— I just remember at what age? 16?

Yeah, 16.

Yeah, yeah. See, 16, I looked at a calculus equation and then I looked the other way.

Yeah, well, because they are. However, here's the thing. Many people, many teachers, they don't teach the why. They don't teach mathematics as a language.

Yeah, that's— see, yeah, wait, and if you mentioned it, I apologize, but so what is— tell us the why. Yeah, because that could maybe change a lot of perspectives, right? Because if I knew the why, maybe I would never say I hate calculus again, you know, because the calculus I remember was this big textbook where they began to add letters into math, and I didn't like that.

Yeah, yesterday a student, I was, you know, she asked me, and she was like, you know, I loved math until the alphabet got involved. Like, I learned ABC, not 3A, 3B, 3B, 3C. Exactly. But once I explained to her the why to math, they catch on like that.

Okay.

Because, and it's also, it interests them. So for example, when it came to calculus and physics, what really captivated, I guess if you want to call it, not only my mind but my soul, because that purpose of mine already was there since the beginning of birth, since before birth. Yeah, you know, we choose who we're born into. Our family is the school that we need in order for us to evolve and have those tools in order so that you can complete your life purpose. However, many people don't complete their life purpose because they are programmed by capitalism and financial corporations to think that their purpose is to make money. And basically they spend all this time in the office working, you know, endless jobs, and they never find their true purpose because they identify their purpose with materialism. So for me, I wanted to become an architect was for that reason, for the glory, the fame of me going to everybody that ridiculed me, be like, you see that building up there? I did that, you know?

Yeah.

And then I found out, you know, I quit school because I was miserable, and I was also under too many prescription medications to even function. Dysfunction, but it was meant to happen because I chose this life of growing up extremely, extremely comfortable. I talk about this in my book. I grew up with basically like a legit princess in this world where I woken up by the chef of the house, "What do you want for breakfast?" My water was warmed up. I didn't even dress myself until I was like 8 years old. I had chauffeurs.

The good life.

Yeah. I don't want to call it the good life, but I grew up without love, and I had— my love was objects, because if I cried, here are Barbies. If I'm— and my parents were always working, so I never grew up— my mother didn't raise me, and I'm still working on that relationship because she was— I don't think that she held me as a baby. She was always like, oh, you know, here, this is a nanny, you know, she takes care. And in the beginning, bonding with your parents, your mother, that's very important. And, you know, I'm still working on that, but as I changed, she changed as well, you know. So it was amazing. But, you know, I grew up in this, in this incredible world, if you want to call it incredible, because it was very comfortable, you know. But if you don't have love from your family, yeah, it's Exactly. And then I go through complete poverty at 16 when my father passed away. It was during the stock market crash of '07. My dad died a couple months before the bubble burst, left over 20 properties in my mother's name. He had built a multi-million dollar empire and it all went to scrubs with those properties left in my mother's name. She was a housewife, she didn't know what she was doing. Then there was a point where she had to to pay like $100,000 in taxes for a few houses. And I told her, don't do it. I was 14 years old and I was like, don't do it because this is gonna pop. And at 14, I already held that information, which I don't even know where it came from. Yeah, yeah. So something told me and I'm like, mom, don't pay it, don't do that, you know. And so everything collapsed. There was, you know, million dollars about left in the bank account. Yeah, completely blew it off, you know. She, um, I don't want to get too much into my family story, and because that's— I get into it in a little bit in my book, but I like to not talk too much about my parents and my brother because that's their lives, you know. Um, but I got turned into complete poverty by the time that I was 18. Um, 16, and by the time that I was 18, I was homeless. I didn't have— like, I was sleeping in NYU library. I was, uh, you know, you talk about that in the book too. Yeah, I slept in a lot of French places, and it's— it's— I left— I lived from suitcase, basically.

Yeah.

And this is all coming from somebody that grew up, you know, with everything. Um, by the time that I was 19, I was in government help. I was food stamps, and it came to a point where they asked me, Steph, why are you releasing this in your book? That's embarrassing. And I'm like, no, it's not. You know why? Because of the fact that if I don't show my true self or who I am and I own to my weakness and my strengths, it doesn't make me who I am, you know? And we're only ashamed of our past if we are not secure of ourselves and we don't love ourselves. Yeah, you know, so, and I'm not the only one that went through this, you know. And it came to a point where I went through drug addiction, I went through several suicide attempts, you know. And all of this I chose, you know, before I was born, because in order to complete my purpose, which is to evolve ideas and knowledge, but most importantly help others reach their their full potential, you know, I had to get out of there myself.

Yes, absolutely.

Because in rehab, you know, I had a psychologist, and I'm like, I'm so grateful that you're here and you're trying to help us, but were you an addict? And she was like, no, but I have many people in my family that were addicts. And that's probably why she became a psychologist, to help, you know, to help others. And I turned to her and I go, I was like, you know, how can you help me if you haven't gone through what I've gone through? And that's when I realized and started clicking, and I'm like, if I get out of this, then this is my purpose because I'm there to guide others because I went through that, you know? I know how you feel, I know your thoughts, I know what you're about to do, I know, you know, what you shouldn't be doing and what you should do.

Yeah.

So that within itself, you know, it's it enabled me to not only grow as a person but fulfill my true purpose, which was to spread ideas. And how was I going to do that? Through writing books, you know.

And so, so before I— what I'd love to ask you, explain kind of like the Daughter of He, like your upcoming book. Explain like— absolutely, like explain like what it— maybe there's 3 parts, like what it is, right? Because I think the— for a lot of people, I think the title is pretty intriguing, but it doesn't say enough that you know like what it is, right? So yes, what it is, some of the stories that are involved, and then like, you know, it's all— it's going to teach people things as well, right? So in some ways, so I think absolutely.

So before I get into that, can you please Passing my water bottle. I need to take a sip of that. Absolutely. Yeah, go into my bathroom. Yeah, perfect. Thank you.

All right, awesome. I love that because I thought you were going to say— which actually water is profound, actually an important thing on this earth.

Um, yes it is. Okay, um, so the daughter of the So there were several things that went into this first publication because I first just wanted— my biggest passion, I mean, it's up there with helping people, but for me, it is my biggest passion, is going into the creation of existence and physics and math. That for me, for some reason, it's I was willing to die with Adderall to get that information. Yeah, so if it was—

must mean something.

It must mean something. So that was what I wanted my first publication to be about. And that the reason why I later learned on why it is that I— excuse me— why I was so infatuated and I craved for that knowledge and I spent days on end, 4 hours straight. I mean, 4 hours, 4 days straight without sleeping, just doing notes, doing formulas, doing this. And my brother would come in, he's like, Stephanie, like, this isn't normal. Like, and I'm like, then are you trying to say that other physicists and scientists, that they're crazy? And he looks at me, he's like, yeah. And I'm like, then leave me alone, this is normal for my field. That's a great part.

I love the way you spun that off. This is normal. Yeah, so that obviously—

I'm just going back to that vision.

I thought it was hilarious.

And so that's my true passion because for me, I absolutely love to prove existence because of the fact that if we prove where we come from, as I said earlier, then with that information within itself, we hold infinite potential to realize that we can create our own reality. And how? It's because, and I get into this in my book, we live in a computer simulation. We live In that— we're right now in that simulation. Uh-huh. It's— I can explain it, but unless you actually experience it to the point where your consciousness is elevated, and you can get there through meditation and raising your vibration, you actually feel the immersion. You actually feel the simulation.

I feel like I feel it sometimes. Yeah, you feel it sometimes. That's why I was telling you, I think before we even hit record, where it's like I still am not 100%. I don't know, I'm going to say, but I feel I'm leaning more towards the simulation. And so tell me if this has any relevance, but one of the things that I started to notice, and maybe this is not relevant, right? But when I look around, you see all the, like, the little dots, like the little, like, you know what I'm talking about? It's almost like the little, like, the static.

Yeah, the frequency of the radio.

Yeah, yeah, like I see that often and I think to myself, I'm like, that's kind of weird, you know? Like, it's like just— and I see it, I don't know. So that to me makes it kind of feel simulation-y to me.

Well, it's technology, right? It's static, as you see in the television. By the way, the television was invented by the Nazis. I don't know if you knew this. Yeah, for massive mind control, basically. Because under the— I don't know the name, I need to study more into this because it's so relevant to everything that I'm in. Yeah, there's types of waves that your mind goes on. There's like theta waves, I think. Okay, where your mind goes into the same state when you were age 0 to 7, when your mind was a sponge. And in this state, it's a hypnosis type of state where you're still awake, where they can control your mind. And that's what it's called, television programming, vision programming.

Whoa, never ever heard that before.

So it's very important. It's— and by the way, video games, that's something to get into in itself. Whatever you are playing in that video game That's a simulation right there. That's actually happening in another dimension.

Yeah.

And with that, that affects whatever's happening in all the other dimensions. It affects this dimension as well. So that's something to get into much later on.

Yeah.

But let me just get into television programming. So it's very important that whatever it is that you're watching, that it's relevant. For example, I watch Cosmos a thousand times because of the fact that the the more that that information is repeated, the more that I'm able to apply my knowledge into that. Yeah, I love watching history films. Or by the way, history is so tainted. If the news is bad, imagine how history is.

Oh yeah, you know. So well, I do know that even— I'm sure you've heard of that game or something where it's like, it's like Whisper Down the Lane, I think, you know.

Of course, right?

So it's like 10 people. So if that can get that screwed up, imagine what just even 50, 100 years can do.

Exactly. So, so, uh, let's go back to your static. So this— we are right now inside this computer simulation, okay? And whenever you see that static, and you're somebody that you're very high frequency, you're somebody that you're very high energy, okay? So when you tend to get into— remember we were talking in the previous podcast if you want to check it out. You should be putting the link, I would suggest you put the link to your podcast. So that was, and it was spontaneous. We weren't even supposed to even do a podcast. But what we were talking about was so interesting that Tyler was like, boom, record. And it starts off in the middle of like a mathematical formula that I'm like, you know what, that's going to actually get people to kind of stay slept in the beginning, so we should have started right down the line. But at like 4 minutes, that's when it really starts getting interesting, which that was, you know, that's when I relapsed and I started smoking weed again and everything that happened.

The weed part did capture the attention.

Yeah, yeah, but the beginning is also very interesting if you truly pay attention to it. It's very important, but Yeah, the static. But I was actually going to go into something else, but let's do the static.

Very good. Yeah, I'm curious.

So you're like, yeah, this is me, hold on, I need to— Okay, so what that means is that when you operate in a certain frequency, okay, so when you're in shame and guilt, so the lowest.

Yeah.

So your frequency is actually very, very high, the logarithm, the waveform, okay?

Yeah.

The higher that you get in the spectrum, going towards love, joy, enlightenment, your frequency is going to be more calm, but at the same time it's going to be resonating more towards— and this is just channeled actually.

Yeah.

That's amazing. I never thought of it this way.

Yeah.

You know flatline when you're dead?

Yeah.

When you are in enlightenment, you're closer to that flatline. Whoa, whoa, and dead is— that is everything. How do you know that we're not dead right now? You know, and I know that's a thought that you've probably had.

Absolutely.

Well, I'll get into that another time.

Yeah, that's because we should dive deep into that.

Yeah, it's both. We are dead and alive at the same time. Yeah, yeah. So it's a—

but I mean, this is Alan Watts stuff, right?

Share it to me. But I will go ahead I don't want to say that this is the truth, you know, this is what I've discovered. It comes from a place of humbleness that it means I don't know if it's true or not. These are just my ideas, you know. I can't prove it for sure. I can't even prove my own existence. I mean, you can to a certain extent through a lot of solipsism. It's an amazing term. We'll get into that another time. But wow, I just completely lost my thought right there. So we're dead and alive at the same time. But when you are going more towards the enlightenment type of frequency, that means that you're tuning up the frequency like a radio, you know? So you go from like 88.9 is a certain frequency, and then you go to like 110, you know? Yeah, you need to tune it up to that. So when you see that static, it's usually that you're going up or down in frequency. But usually it's— if it's, for example, if you've just encountered somebody that is operating under anger, under fear, under anxiety, under pride, those are lower vibrations.

Yeah.

So if you don't cleanse yourself once your, your energy— if you don't cleans that after you're done talking to them, then you tend to go a little bit towards their raw.

Got it.

All right. And if you're with somebody that is very high energy, then you're also elevated up to that point.

Yeah.

So, but I've seen the static before as well. I see it all the time. Okay. I'm pretty sure that you're very close. If you are into meditating, you're close to enlightenment. That's something out of my intuition because you already operate under love, gratitude, and joy, bliss, and those are very, very close to enlightenment. So, you know, that's—

and we talk about that in the other podcast.

Yeah, that goes into the off-map of consciousness. Yeah, yeah. But let's get, uh, And I also, I've seen before wavelengths, okay, going straight into physical matter. And I've seen matter in binary code.

Yeah.

And you know, that's a bit intense, and that's something to leave for another conversation. But let me just get into the Daughter of He. Yeah, yeah, why the title and So that was a little detour.

Yeah, so yeah, tell us why the title, a little bit about it, and then I know there's a lot of things we said next time, and next time we'll talk about the binary code and some other—

We need to make a note of this. I know. Binary code, okay. All right, and then yeah, big karma and other stuff as well. Government controlled, yeah, they don't want you to be happy for a reason.

Yeah.

Money. Yeah. Yeah, a lot still to talk about. And, but let's go to the daughter of Pete. So when I have this passion with, with proving where we come from is because in— there's a difference between the computer generator and the computer simulation. The generator is what operates our physical reality. That's why they say thoughts manifest things. But many times, for example, in The Secret, why do thoughts manifest things? Like, where's the math in that? Where's the physics in that?

Yeah.

So all that information, I try to go into the mathematical side of it. How is it that thoughts are manifested? Well, because they are taken from the computer generator, not the simulation, from the computer generator in binary code, and it gets translated into physical matter. And the converter of binary code, which is computer language— 1, 0, 1, 0, on, off, on, off, life, death, life, death, infinity— anyways, that should be like a little rhyme for like kindergarten, you know?

I was just thinking, I was like, somebody should turn that into like a beat, like something musical should happen.

So, so you get that information Okay, in binary code, and your mind is a catalyst. It is a converter of binary code, and then it projects it out, that binary code, into physical matter. Okay, so that is why they say that that is how physical matter is formed. However, your emotions, which are your thoughts, is how you experience experience that simulation, that manifest simulation.

Got it. So—

Did that make more sense? That was a very hard and very advanced complex concept to explain.

So, but so in the Daughter of Eve, you tell—

Yes.

Like you kind of teach us this, but you do it through multiple stories of your life. Is that accurate?

Very accurate. Correct. So when I first wrote that and I just wanted to release these ideas and I'm like, 'Oh my God, I love this information because of the fact that if I put that out there, there's other people that are going to spin off from that and then we can collectively evolve, you know, our ideas.' So my brother, I sent him a little manuscript of it and he read it, he's like, 'Stephanie, dumb this down by 1,000%. The normal person is not going to understand this.' Like, I don't even understand, like, 2%. I understood like 2 words of the entire paragraph, and my brother is very wise, he's very knowledgeable, very intelligent. Um, and so he's like, Stephanie, this is not gonna sell. This is gonna sell perhaps to people that are in theoretical physics or math, or, you know, professors or students of math that are interested in that, you know?

Yeah.

And I'm like, yes, but you don't understand, people need to know about this. And my brother's like, yeah, but that's not gonna sell. Yeah, I had another thing hidden, which was my story. Yes, which is very abnormal. Very abnormal story, to say the least. Yeah, he's had a few excerpts of my manuscript, and oh my God, poor my ex-boyfriends, because my career is going to be based— well, I don't want to say my whole career, but my books are— most of them are going to be based off our relationship. They're never named, you know, they always have different— and they're not like, oh, it's a different name, like pen name. Like, no, like for example, in this book it's about my recent relationship with Mr. He.

Yeah.

Okay, in the upcoming one after that, it's the Casanova Prince. Okay, and then it always— but I don't bash them, that's not what I do. What I do is that I take their weak points or points that I see that they're struggling with and talk about it on how to evolve themselves through destroying that. Okay, so it's more as a guide of— see, I've always seen the good side to my romantic relationships. I've seen the bad sides of it too, the dark sides, but I only see it as unresolved issues. That's not who they truly are. So it's always a little bit of both, you know. It's always about the good person and the bad person inside. So always I go in, and that's the thing, I cannot try to fix somebody in the name of love if they don't want to change, you know.

Absolutely.

Because you want to see the person who you're in a romantic relationship with operating at their fullest potential. You want to see them happy. And for me, I'm somebody that I'm able to get into, because of my intuition and my experience and knowledge, I'm able to pinpoint exactly where it is that they need to change and why it's not letting them operate at their highest selves. Okay, and with the daughter of P, it was, it was a blessing, and I'm not going to say it was a curse. Nothing is a curse, but it felt that way because of the fact that— I will first start off by saying, when you reach enlightenment and— whoa, that was weird how you just lit up.

Yeah, yeah, I was like, yo, yeah, you just said enlightenment. You literally did enlightenment and then a beam of light came out.

Okay, is that the beautiful thing is that we are human and we make mistakes, okay? So with the daughter of Pete, it was something that was committed out of passion, out of lust, out of realizing later on after this relationship happened, which was only 31 days, and it was the weirdest relationship that I've ever had in my life. Weirdest relationship because he was like my best friend, he was a father of a student, you know, it was completely against—

Some drama.

No, the drama in this is absolutely insane. So, oh my God. So anyways, so it shows us that even if we reach enlightenment, we might have taken a peek at it, but the only way that we can actually get there is through experience. Experience. And so we, we go back down, and then we, we pick ourselves back up. And so we keep doing that cycle until we finally destroy all our negative emotions, all our negative emotions and thoughts that turn into our negative behavioral patterns. Okay, so this was an Oedipus Rex type of relationship, and I've had two of them that are like that. All right. And so when this happened, I was already at a point where I thought I reached enlightenment, and then I fell in love with a married man. Okay. And oh my God, oh my God, it was, you know, oh, that was, that was, I'm still processing that because it made me question a lot what marriage meant in in society, uh, in terms of the metaphysical realm. Because marriage is done as a way— when did marriage start, you know? It made me question that. And why is it that it started? Why did it become a social norm, you know? And it led me to, to, to discover— and this is something a lot of my ideas, they come from a place of non-programming. So when you're operating from your genuine soul and you're operating from, from the capacity of, I want to say, enlightened information, and there's no social connotations involved into that. So for example, what does marriage mean in the metaphysical world? Well, in the metaphysical world, we don't own anybody, you know, we don't, um, but I will get into how It also— there's a little twist to that of why, why I believe that. Um, we don't own anybody. I have a theory that we don't even own our own souls because our souls are part of a bigger source that is the combination of all our souls put together into this giant soul. And that is what I call is the soul of Creator, okay? Excuse me. And so when I started questioning, you know, for example, it was— I was completely conflicted because I also had a very good relationship with the wife. So it was, it was very, very hard, and she knew exactly what was going on the entire time, you know, and she decided to leave look the other way. Their marriage was already, you know, like in the verge of divorce. She had already, you know, tried to— I don't want to talk too much about people's— it's in the book.

Yeah.

But just for the sake of it, I will say that when I met him, he was suicidal and he was under antidepressants.

Yeah.

Albeit being he was, or he is, a very, very successful entrepreneur.

Yeah.

And he is a multimillionaire.

Yeah.

Okay. And together with his wife, they both have an empire. Okay. And that within itself, it goes to show others that the story— I'm like, this is exactly what I'm looking for, because this story is what people believe is happiness. When you have So much money when you have, you know, for example, he, he, he had, yeah, you can say that he had the freedom to do whatever he wanted. When the wife found out that things were getting, I don't want to say serious between us, but their marriage was just breaking apart. And I told him, like, am I the cause of this? And he's like, no, because if you wouldn't have come into my life, I wouldn't open up my eyes. And realize that my wife is a narcissist.

Yes.

You know? And in the end, I was like, oh my God, the entire time, it was— this is all part of that story.

Yeah.

And he was 29 years older than me. And how is it that we first fell in love? It was because his passion— he has 4 master's degrees, one of them is in information technology. And it got to the point where I go walk into his office one day, he's like, I'm gonna liquidate my company, I'm moving to San Francisco, and I am going to start a virtual reality and software programming firm. And I was like, I am so happy for you. Yeah, this is your passion. And he pursued finance because he thought that money was happiness. And he was very similar to me where he got bullied growing up. Because he was abnormally intelligent and always into quantum mechanics, into physics. So I saw a lot of myself in him. And so because he got— he never though worked through that ridicule and that rejection, and he based his identity off his money.

Yes.

So, you know, and you know, when things started to get serious, his wife just one day didn't show up to work, took the passport of my student and her son. You know, he had various passports. I find out later on that she asked him because he goes up to me during our lesson and he's like, I don't know what's going on, but my mom asked me today if I wanted to go away on a trip with her, just the two of us. And I'm just there and I'm like, oh my God.

Okay, so wait, stop there. That's a good place to stop.

All right.

Yeah. And then one thing too, Yeah, we'll keep you hanging because that's a real good place. I want to know what happens next. So we'll stop there and we'll talk about it in the next one.

Awesome.

But I also think we should talk about intuition in the next one because I think that you do have like more, maybe a more natural ability to tap into it than most. But regardless, I'm curious of like how you do tap into it. It, you know? Yeah. Because I think, and it's almost like that gut feeling type of thing that we were talking about before too, because it's— I just think a lot of people ignore it. And I think they ignore it, but they're also— they ignore it, they're unaware of it. And then also, how do you even become aware of it? How do you— and that could be really helpful.

Yeah, absolutely.

We should pick back up next time.

Yeah, awesome.

It was fun.

Thanks. It was amazing, Tyler Wagner. Thank you so much.

Of course.

All right, till next time.

See you guys. And I'll see you in a second. There we go.

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