003: Being Unapologetically Successful with Chris Harder

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. Chris Harder didn't just drop out of college, he was kicked out. He was smart though, and hungry. And he learned about sales and leadership early on in a fast paced early career. In his early 20s, Chris quickly found himself and his wife in a cycle of keeping up with the Joneses. When the recession hit, he failed hard and he was stripped of his fake identity as he calls it. He sold his possessions, downsized, ate his way to a 30 pound weight gain, and tumbled into a sad few years of asking himself, what is my value? He is now grateful for those hard times and what they taught him. You see, crippled by his people pleasing tendencies and self doubt, his rock bottom space forced him to be stripped of his unhealthy identity. Depressed and hungry for a change, Chris realized it was his time to stop playing small and he went on a journey to level up. He decided to read 30 books in 30 days and his new vision began to take form years later. A number of seven figure successful businesses later and Chris shares his journey leveling up with us today. Welcome Chris Harder to Leveling Up, Creating Everything from nothing. You guys are in for a treat today because I have my friend Chris Harder who is the true example. Chris, you are the true example of somebody who has continually leveled up and created everything from nothing. So thank you so much for being here today.

Totally my pleasure. Listen, when Natalie is like, would you be on the show? The answer is a hard yes all the time. I freaking love everything that you're up to.

Aw, thank you, Chris. I feel the same about you. Thank you. Okay, so I have so many questions I want to ask you and I'm just going to jump right in and hopefully not take up too much of your time because I'm dying to know so many things, but people, including me when I first met you, we look at you as you're just this incredible success story. You look like you have this perfect life and you, everything just works out amazing for you and I know that it was not always that way. So I would love to know and my audience would love to know who you were more about you before you were such an amazing success.

Yeah, you know what? And before I get into that story, I would love to actually just address where you said, from the outside looking in, it looks like a perfect life. And this is one area that I love touching on real quickly anytime it comes up, because people have to understand. I think people beat themselves up because they're not quote, at their perfect life yet. And they're looking at everybody else on Instagram, they're looking at everybody else on social media or, you know, maybe just in a chance passing and they say, oh, that's what I want it to look like. But they have to understand there is no such thing as a perfect life. I think there is such a thing as a perfectly growing life or a perfectly progressive life. But there's never going to be a time where you wake up and say, oh my God, everything's perfect right now. Because even when our finances are on a high, we are still then worrying about balance. Or when we finally master balance, we're then worrying about, oh, we've been like hanging out and traveling too much. Now we're worried about our bodies. Like, there's always something lagging and it's usually a few things at once. So I love that you used that term of a quote, perfect life. Because people continue to chase what they see other people having and it's nothing more than a perception. And they wonder why, well, why aren't I there yet? Here's your wake up call, everybody. You're already there. Like, you probably have a handful of things going really well and a handful of things that you're embarrassed about or you're still working on. That is my life on a daily basis. That is Lori, my wife's life. That is everybody's life. And so if you wake up right now and you're like, wow, that's me. I've got a handful of things I'm proud of and a handful of things that I'm not very proud of right now. That's everybody. And so a perfect life is just one that you are perfectly working on all the time.

I am so glad you just shared this because it really is about, are you looking through the glass half full or half empty? So people would think that because they see you looking through the glass half full and focusing on that and creating.

More, it totally is. I just feel like it's so important to put out there that there's no quote, you know, like, made it. There's no, like, oh, I'm finally there. It's always this constant battle and constant struggle for everybody. And I feel like people don't point that out enough now.

Did you used to think that way? Did you used to think that way?

No. I used to be the person looking at everyone else's life saying, when I get there, when I have a million dollars, when I have that house, when I have my marriage on lockdown like that, when I have my body looking like that, I used to always look at everybody with when, when, when, when, when. Problem is, all you're doing is moving the finish line all the time. Like, you're running a race that's literally unfair to yourself. If you are constantly adding something on your to do list, if you're constantly not appreciating where you're at right now, and if you're constantly saying, when I am at such and such place, then you're moving the finish line, and it's a race that is impossible to win. And so our friend Ed Mylett, I think you know Ed, too, he's got this term called blissfully dissatisfied. And I love the way he describes it. You know, he says, if he's eating a bite of steak right now, and for all you vegans, I apologize, but if he's eating a bite of steak right now, he loves that bite. He is so happy with that bite currently as he's tasting and enjoying it, but it doesn't mean he's any less excited for the next bite. Right? So that's where Laurie and I try to live, is to borrow a term from Ed in that range of blissfully dissatisfied. In other words, we're totally happy with our accomplishments up to this point, and we know that there's more that we want to do, but we're not beating ourselves up over it. Whoa.

Okay, so when you had. And I want you. I would love for you to share your story about what I know about you from back in 2009, because this is. I want to know what happened and also did you weren't living that mindset yet at that point?

No, not at all. Okay, so let me give you the Cliff Notes version, and we can circle back around on anything you think is worth doing a deep dive on. So I am a college dropout. When I say college dropout, I mean I was kicked out for partying too much and just not caring. And I remember it was so funny, Natalie, because my parents were devastated. Like, this was the end of the world for me. I was never going to be successful. And I was happy inside. I was like this giddy Excited, couldn't wait to roll up my sleeves, get out in the real world. And I took a job at a car dealership because I loved cars, seemed logical, right? And learned how to sell, learned how to sell cars. And the first few months there I crushed it because I loved what I was doing, I loved the atmosphere I was in. I was eager to learn. And I quickly rose to the top of the car dealerships list of salespeople. It was about 30 people there and I said at the top. And then they promoted me into their finance department, which is really just another form of sales. And I continued to do real well, selling, financing and warranties and all that stuff. Then there became an opening in that department after about nine months of this going on, a chance to run the whole department as a four man department at that point, the F and I department. And I fought and fought and fought for that promotion, justified and sold my way into it and got that promotion. And that was where I learned leadership. So now I've learned sales and I've learned leadership. And I feel like if you can learn those two traits and continue to work on them, you can write your own ticket anywhere in life in the long run. So here I am cruising through the car business, having the time of my life, and I'm young, right? Remember I was kicked out of college after two and a half years. So I'm probably 21 years old at this point, 22 years old, and I'm doing really well. But all of my friends at the time are starting to get into this big mortgage boom that was happening. And so sure enough, I wanted to go where my friends were because they're making more money and who doesn't want to make more money? And I went to work for one of the world's biggest international banks in and I got in as a entry level loan officer and just rolled up my sleeves and crushed it. And I ended up first getting a promotion to a senior loan officer, then to running my own branch, then running a bigger branch, then running a district and running a division. And by the time I was done there, I was in charge of like 1100 people worth of lending. And it was a really positive, just great, productive sales atmosphere. Now all of that was great until the recession hit. And when the recession hit, I spent the next year waking up first thing in the morning, getting on an airplane, leaving Lori behind and flying to some random town like, you know, Rapid City, South Dakota, and walking another branch and saying, hey, I'm here to shut you down. Today I'm Gonna pull you aside one by one and explain to you your severance package, answer your questions. Wow. And that was miserable. Probably the worst point of my life. And throughout that year, Natalie, I gained 30 pounds. Because what do you do when you're on the road and you're doing something miserable? You want comfort food and you want alcohol and I'd go stay in some random hotel at the end of a bad day and I'd reach for the beers and I'd order cheeseburgers and you know, I still working out, but it was just like that half assed effort towards working out. And physically I did not like where I was and mentally I did not like where I was. And at the end of that year, they called me and they said, hey, it's your turn. You get to choose a severance package or take a demotion of a demotion of a demotion of a demotion. Run a branch in Jersey.

Wow. So you basically were sent around to let everybody go deliver this bad news and then the writing was on the wall for you too.

Oh yeah, if you've ever seen a movie up in the air with George Clooney, it was that. And so I said, I'll take, I'll take the severance right away, right there on the spot. And they said, wait, don't you want to go home and talk to your wife? I said, no, trust me, she wants me out of here as well. And so I took the severance package and it was this great, because I was an executive at the time, I flew up through the ranks. It was this great executive multi, multi six figure severance package. Except guess what, I was young, I was in my 20s, and I used to joke that I wasn't spending this year's money, I was already spending next year's money in like this dumb, ignorant, arrogant way. Because we're living way beyond our means. Because every year I would get a great big promotion with a great big raise and huge bonuses and I just thought it was always going to be that way. So it was like somebody just pulled the plug out of the drain and we had to put that entire severance package towards all of our debt getting out of our new home that we had just built this huge new home that was way bigger than we needed. We had three brand new cars at a time for just Lori. And I don't ask me why, because that's what you do when you're young and dumb and you think it's going to last forever and you name it. Like we were scratching and Biting our way, looking up at zero. Right. Not getting above zero, looking up at zero. So we're like, in the basement trying to figure out how to get on the first floor at this point.

Now, what was going on with your ego at this point?

Oh, God, I've got a great story telling you about it. So I was stripped of my identity at this point. My identity up till then was what it was. What is your title at work? How many people are you leading? What is your next promotion? How much money are you making? What is your ranking? I also had an identity of, hey, babe, I'm a good provider. And I look back and I laugh at that statement because I was really moving Lori from city to city to city every single year, saying, go pick out a home. I got to get on an airplane. That's not a good partner. Right. That's not a good provider, necessarily. But in my mind at the time, in my 20s, I was like, hey, I'm providing you with a great financial lifestyle. You should be happy. You know, what an ignorant thing to think. But that's where I was at that time in my life. And so my ego was one of, what am I accomplishing right now that looks good to other people? And I was stripped of that. I was stripped of that identity, and it forced me to have to ask myself, what is my real value that I have to offer? And let me tell you, that's not something you answer in a night or in a month. That took a couple of years of rolling up my sleeves and working on an answer to that. We'll get to the answer in a little bit. But it stripped me of my identity, and that's. That's a scary place to be, but it's also an empowering place to be because you have nothing to lose. And you have this blank chalkboard that you get to write anything you want on it, Right? So it's up to you to find the good in the bad moment at that time. And that's what we were doing.

Yeah. How did you. How did you even get to that place of, like, okay, I got to look at my real value? Because I would imagine you were depressed. You got. You know, your identity's gone. You said you had gained weight before. I mean, I can only imagine what you're feeling right now as far as food and wanting to work out and so forth, Right?

So let's paint the picture. I am short selling this great big home that we had just finished building and moving into. And the neighbor across the street, his name was Greg Comes over and he says, hey, why are the moving trucks out front? Because he hadn't seen a for sale sign. And I was like, oh, here's where I got a fess up. Like, well, Greg, we short sold the home. We owe way more on it than it was able to get for it. Because, you know, here we are in the depth of the recession, right? And we're packing up and starting over in a little apartment in Minneapolis. And he looks at me, says, oh. He goes, that's really going to hurt the home values here. Wow. And I thought, this is exactly the life I did not want to be caught up in. How did I get here? Like, the shallow people that I was worried about impressing are the ones that are only worried about themselves. And what a miserable place to wake up one day and be. And so I remember thinking, just thinking, what an. Number one, what an asshole. Number two, I'm so glad to be leaving this Keeping up with the Joneses neighborhood that I was in at the time.

Yes.

And so we moved to this tiny apartment to finish painting a picture for you. And it was like 900 square feet, literally, in Minneapolis, starting over. Got rid of all the cars except for one that we couldn't get rid of because it was so far upside down, it wasn't worth getting rid of. So I just, like, muscled through the car payment on that one and started from scratch. Matter of fact, we even borrowed 120 grand from my parents at the time, on top of the severance package just to be able to move into this apartment, pay for one year worth of rent, you know, pay off other credit cards, like just getting to zero.

Wow. So here you are. So I want to see, you were making all this money, you keeping up with Joneses. So you still had the credit card debt and everything. Was that happening before?

Oh, yeah. The entire time that we're making all the money.

So you're always living beyond your means.

Always. My entire 20s.

Got it. Okay. So when this is happening and you have to go to your parents and borrow money, and you're dealing with this neighbor and they're saying that, and you're hitting. This is all happening. What are the stories you're telling yourself in your head? Were you going down that I'm a failure or what was happening in your mind?

It was desperation. It was a. I was in such transition. I don't think I had any stories that I recognized yet. It was like slap in the face after slap in the face, Moment of humility after moment of humility. Everything I needed, but didn't know I needed in that moment. And when I said, you know, this type of transition happens not in a day, not in a month, but over the course of a couple years, I really mean it. Like it was a couple of years of figuring out who am I, what is my value? Being introduced to self development. So here's the first time during all of this going on, here's the first time I'm introduced to self development. Number one, because we're starting over and because Lori never had a chance to become Lori as everybody knows her today, this was her wake up call. I remember she said to me, she said, I'm never going to let this happen again. Going to follow my passion, which was fitness at the time and I'm going to lean into this and I'm going to be a significant breadwinner. That was number one. Number two, we acknowledged we got to make some serious changes because we were not happy. We're happy together, but it wasn't a fantastic marriage by any means. Think about it. I'm overweight, I've lost my job, I've lost my identity as a really crappy partner at the time. And so, you know, well, how do we reinvent and have the type of relationship that we really want to have? And number three, this thing just fell into our laps during this time called Landmark Forum. And I think you've been to ala, right?

Yeah, and Landmark, I've done Landmark.

Awesome. So I had never heard of it. I had never done any self development anything up to this point. You know, here I am just this young, cocky, 20 something living in the Midwest. And so I go to Landmark Forum and I go there literally for the first several hours in my mind, judging people, making fun of people as you share your problems. I'm like, ooh, what about your life? Oh my God, you're messed up. Oh my God, how can you be that, you know, crazy? And by the end of the weekend, it was a total 180. Like, I learned about stories. I didn't even know what a story was that you made up in your head prior to that. I learned about the concept of stories and that you see the world through those lenses developed by those stories. I learned that nothing has any meaning other than other than the meaning you apply to it. Like lesson after lesson that is life changing. Walked away that weekend with as a new foundation. And remember I was stripped of my identity. And so it was really easy to lay a new foundation because it was like this blank lot. I could lay anything on it. That I wanted. And it made Lori and I just like, crave more and more development as we were reinventing ourselves. And that really was ground zero for the couple that people get to see today.

Okay, so a lot of questions coming up for this now too. So some people listening, people, everybody knows what personal development is, but a lot of people roll their eyes at it. And what was, what was your opinion about personal development when you were in the success beforehand and what made you open to then exploring that?

I don't think I had an opinion about it, period. This was, let's see, what is this 12 years ago? Do I have my math right? No, it's 10 years ago. This is 10 years ago. Instagram wasn't around. Facebook was barely getting started. You know, there wasn't a lot of self development in your face. It was literally Probably, I know 10 years ago doesn't sound like a long time ago, but I think self development back then was still people going around hotel conference room to hotel conference room and just kind of filling it. Right. Like these self development gurus that would be on tour. And so I hadn't had a lot of exposure to it in order to have an opinion about it other than when this landmark forum showed up in my life. I went because Lori wanted to go. And let me tell you, how many times in my life, like, what she has wanted to do has been the most miraculous decision ever. Anyhow, I went because Lori wanted to go. And we went. And that was my first taste of it. That is what made me say, what else am I missing? That I had no idea was out there.

Got it. Okay. Wow. So you start in personal development. You have a lot of breakthroughs around that and you're realizing, so what did you learn about yourself? Was it accountability? Was it responsibility? What was coming up for you?

When I think back to then, it was a lot about the significance I would place on what other people thought about me. A lot of stories around that. And all of the decisions I was making in life were not based on is this a good, healthy decision. It was based on how will people react to this? How will they perceive me? And I was crippled. Crippled by being the person who would not take action on anything unless I knew I would knock it out of the park because I was afraid of how it would look otherwise. Right. If I tried and failed. So I look back and I can't imagine how many missed opportunities that went right by my face that I had no idea was a great opportunity for me. I look back and I think of how many good moments and fun times and cool experiences that I said no to because I was afraid of what how I would look or how it would look or what if I didn't do well at it. And so I was crippled in life by worrying about what other people thought. And that was one of the biggest breakthroughs, was starting to knock down that wall that weekend. And guys, it doesn't happen in a weekend, right? So it was starting that weekend and continuing to work on it for the next couple of years to really rid yourself of that very, you know, empty concern.

I love that you went down that path though, because I think, like you said, having a breakthrough and realizing there's still work ahead, but you now, it's like, you know, what's. What you're dealing with. It's just like people with weight loss, they've got it on the scale first. They have to know where they're starting from to know where they're going. Or you, you have, you had to face this and know that you had an issue with this and you had to deal with it. And I think a lot of people will go and mask it right away, like, okay, I'm, I get it. I don't care. I'm going to drink, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. And I love that you just, you went head on against it to figure this out and break through that.

Yeah, I really did. And I look back at that time and obviously I look at it as a very fond moment in my life. Now, looking back at the time, it was the worst moment in my life. I look back and I'm like, what would my life be like if I didn't have this opportunity to strip myself of a really unhealthy identity and create one that I really wanted to have show up in life? So I'm really actually grateful for this time in my life.

Yes. And I can hear it. What did you have to overcome and stop believing about yourself to move forward and recreate this?

Great question. What did I have to stop believing about myself in order to create this? Number one, I had to stop caring what other people thought. That was first and foremost. Number two, I had to wake up and realize that the sky is the limit and I was playing really small in this tiny little paradigm that was painted for me through corporate America and through living in the Midwest. And that's not a knock on Midwest, by the way. It was just a fact of where I lived and who I was exposed to. You know, if you weren't climbing the ladder at a corporation, you know, changing titles every year, then there was no other real route to success.

Explain what that means to you, playing really small. Because I know a lot of successful people will say, I had to stop playing small. And I want to. What does that mean to you?

So to me, it means playing small is thinking you can only accomplish X. Let's put it in terms of money, just because I don't know how else to quantify it. Okay. So that we have something to measure for the conversation. Every year we would bump up against $300,000. Now, 10 years ago in the Midwest, that was a lot of money that got you a really good lifestyle. And it wasn't until Lori and I went and realized that the sky's the limit. Number one, there's people doing way better than that out there. Number two, when we read you're gonna love this book, Secrets on the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and realized that we have something called a financial thermostat. And wherever you set it is what you're gonna get, so to speak. It was all of these little moments, these little lessons that made us realize, wait a minute, why are we aiming for 300 grand or 400 grand or even a half a million when we could first aim at a million and then aim at 2 and then aim at 4? And so it was a good wake up call to realize that you're going to get what you ask for. So you better be very, very careful what you're asking for.

Yeah, that's. And you are. You guys are such an example of this right now. And I see it all the time.

Well, it's, you know, we're constantly saying, who else is doing something different out there that might change the way we think or what we expect of ourselves? I mean, Natalie, I've got story after story still in my life where this happens. Like, we start going to these retreats in Costa Rica that I would have never gone to before. And we started going a few years ago, I would have called them woo woo. I would have called them full of weird people. And matter of fact, Lori tricked me into going to the first one because she knew I wouldn't say yes if she fully described it. And it was at that first retreat in Costa Rica where I had massive breakthroughs to release judgment of other people. And I had massive breakthroughs to open myself up to physical experiences in terms of what I thought was acceptable accommodations and what I enjoyed doing and got rid of some of the bougie Ness. And I mean, we are constantly seeking out new people with new ideas or new ways of thinking. Now, using the premise of we don't know what we don't know, and, and listen, not everything is a good fit. Sometimes we try things on for size and it's not a good fit, but at least we're willing to try things on for size. Now, matter of fact, we're not just willing, we're seeking out different things to try on for size, to see, wait a minute, what else don't we know? This is what happens, Natalie, is like when all of a sudden you open yourself up to these possibilities and to self development, you start to realize, wait a minute, what have I been missing? And it becomes like this exciting journey. You say, if I just learned this very basic thing about myself of stories, then what else should I be aware of that I'm not aware of? And you start seeking these things out and trying them on. And some of the things like, whoa, that was stupid, I'll never do that again. But other things, you're like, oh my God, this is what I've been missing. And it frees you up from limitation after limitation after limitation. So for me, you know, what limitations have I been freed up over this long journey? Over the course of 10 years? One limitation was my identity of being a, quote, good provider. That was a very false identity. My identity of, you know, working my way up through corporate America was the only way to go. You know, obviously that's not a true story. My identity of worrying about what other people thought and making my decisions based on that, that was one that had to go. My identity of perfectionism, you know, not trying something unless I knew it was going to look really good or was going to turn out really good. Stripping myself of that. My stripping myself of judgment. And listen, you never fully strip yourself of these things. Let's just be very frank. But what happens is you're able to rid yourself of, let's say 90% of it. And the other 10%, you catch and reframe real quickly. So losing this common thread of judgment that I had for so long, it's just thing after thing after thing, Natalie. And it's never over, by the way.

Yeah, I was going to ask about that. The stuff that you realize about yourself, this stuff that made you up for years and years and years, right? So you realize it about and you shift. Is it still constant work to remind yourself? Does it still come up for you? Like, for instance, you still sometimes worry about what other people think and then shift Yourself out of that.

Yeah, absolutely. That'll creep in. Very few and far between compared to the past. But if it does, I can recognize it right away and reframe it and make a good, healthy decision anyways. And that's the key. It's not that they stop showing up in your life. I'm so glad you asked that. It's that you're able to recognize it immediately and make a better choice. And so for everybody out there, if you're like, when am I gonna stop caring what other people think? Or, when am I gonna stop judging people? Or, when am I gonna start saying no to this food? Or, when am I gonna start saying yes to the gym? Or when am I going to, you know, finally start the business? Whatever it is? It's not like the doubts ever stop or the limitations ever stop showing up. It's that they show up way less, and you catch it and reframe it immediately, and you make a better decision immediately.

I love that. That's great. Have you. Besides the 2009, 2010 debacle. And I. And I know it clearly, because I went through this. Well, different story, but same disaster in my life in that same year with a short sell and everything. Do you. Have you had failures in your newfound life? Like, because, again, we look at it as this massive success that you've done with multiple businesses. You and your wife, have you had failures in the new life? And how do you. How do you handle those?

Oh, God, yes. I guess it would depend how you classify a failure. There's moments where I wake up and I absolutely don't like the results of a certain area in my life still all the time today. So let's give some examples. We woke up. Oh, here's a great story. Three and a half years ago, I read 30 books in 30 days. Why would somebody read 30 books in 30 days? Well, here's why. Everything was good. You've heard the phrase good is the enemy of great. Well, everything was good. Like, we had good income, we had a good marriage. We had a good life. You know, everything was just good. The problem is I knew I had greatness inside of me, and I wasn't living up to it. And so, Natalie, that. That gap from good to great is just as painful as the gap from crappy to good. You follow me?

Yes.

And so it's this empty feeling that you're playing small and that you're not living up to what you're put here to live up to. And so you don't have fulfillment when things are just quote, good. And so here I am, you know, hanging out at good. And Lori, she was on a rocket ship. Remember this is just three and a half. Three, yeah. About three and a half years ago, she was on a rocket ship. She was doing all the right things to be great. She was doing the self development classes at a rapid pace, going on retreats. I wasn't going on. She was reading books I wasn't reading. She was up leveling and meeting new people that, you know, I wasn't making an effort to do. She was doing everything it took to be on this rocket ship. And it didn't take rocket scientist, so to speak to figure out that one day I was going to wake up and I was going to be down here just hanging out and good. And she was going to be up here and great. And that was going to be too big of a gap for us to bridge and have a good healthy relationship. As a matter of fact, it started to show up. I remember we'd be out to dinner and she'd be talking about this new person that she met that she's collaborating with and this new great big idea. And I remember having resentment. I was like, why does it always have to be a new idea? What's wrong with how things are right now? And why are you always so excited and like resentment. So if you have resentment showing up towards your significant other guys, that's like a sign that something is seriously wrong. And instead of looking at the other person saying what's wrong with you? Maybe you should look at yourself and say, whoa, what's wrong that I have this resentment? So that's what I did.

That is so amazing. And gosh, that, that's, that is a huge tweetable moment. Because that is true when people are. And there are so many people feeling resentful and that is a really big time to look in the mirror and say, why am I feeling resentful? And I love just how you connected that about. It's typically something in you where you're playing small.

It totally is because they're reflecting something in you. Like at the time, Lori was reflecting in me that I knew I should be meeting some up level people and I wasn't. I knew I should be trying harder and I wasn't. I knew I should be following a couple of ideas I had and I wasn't. So all she was doing was reflecting in me what I wasn't doing. And, and that's where the resentment came from. But I was casting it on her. So get this Here I am scrolling Instagram one day during this, and I come across this guy who I know now, but I didn't know at the time. And he's like, here I am in my garage. Use my Ferrari, use my Lamborghini as a video on Instagram. But what I really love in here are all these books. And he panned in the garage, and two walls in his garage were just pure bookshelves full of books. He goes on to explain how he's reading a book a day every single day, despite having all his businesses. And that's been one of the biggest reasons for his success. And it clicked in me. I was like, wait a minute, if this dude can read a book a day every single day of his life and be this successful, maybe, just maybe I could read, like, I don't know, 30 books in 30 days. And that became the seed that started to grow inside of me. And for about a week, every day, I'd wake up and that seed would get stronger, saying, you got to read 30 books in 30 days. You got to read 30 books. Like, this was going to be the way that I was going to break out of this mediocrity, hanging out down here and good and catch up to Lori.

So what did that. To read the 30 books in 30 days, what did you have to give up? What did you have? How did you commit to that?

This is great. So I thought I was going to have to give up way more than I really did. I was like. I cleared my. This was, let's see, March, January, February. This was. Okay. This was February, the end of February. So I said to Laurie, I'm like, babe, don't think I'm crazy, but I'm going to read 30 books in 30 days in March. And I remember instead of her thinking I'm crazy, she literally had this look of relief on her face. Never said anything, but I remember her being like, oh, my God, that's the best idea. That's cool. How can I help you? Because of course, she knew I was just coasting and hanging out down here and quote, good. And I wasn't living up to. And I wasn't happy. So I cleared my schedule for March. I didn't take, you know, phone calls, appointments, meetings, the whole nine yards. And I picked out about probably 10 to 12 books to start with, knowing that we had, you know, just a jillion books at the house here that everyone kept recommending.

And how did you pick which ones to pick?

My criteria was this. It had to be less than 300 pages. Okay, I could finish it. It had to develop me or help me in some way, but I didn't care how. So whether it was a business book, a spiritual book, a relationship book, autobiography, whatever. Whatever its agenda was, was fine as long as it would improve me in some way. And this is crazy. So I cleared my schedule. I start reading these books. I realized, whoa, I'm finishing these books. Even though I was a really weak reader, I want to make sure I put this in here. Natalie, I hadn't read a book by myself cover to cover in my adult life since school. Isn't that crazy?

I don't know that it's so crazy. I think that a lot of people could relate to that. And let me clarif, you didn't do audio. You, like, literally got the book and were reading. And were you. What if you didn't like it when you started? Did you switch to a different book? Did you force yourself through it? What did. What was that looking like?

No, I forced myself through it. I didn't have time to go switching, switching, switching. Okay, so I just really want to clarify. I was not a strong reader. I was the guy. And here's why. I didn't do a lot of reading. I would read a page and then I'd be like, wait, what was just on that page? And I'd read it again, and I'd be like, oh, my God, I was drifting off again. I can't tell you what was on that page. So it was painful for me. Now, here's what I Learned from this. 30 books in 30 days. Number one, I did not have to give up near as much as I thought I had to in terms of schedule in order to read these books. I was giving up stupid things like social media and meeting with people that I was just meeting with for the sake of meeting with. And like, time wasters. Total time wasters. So, number one, I got a lot of focus back. Number two, of course I got the knowledge in the books. But that was the least all the benefits. One of the biggest benefits was having all of these different books show up in my life to expose me to new ways of thinking. And there was a common thread about book 15 or 16. There was a common thread that was starting to show up. I remember I was in bed trying to finish the book with Laurie, and I look over and I'm like, babe, you're never going to believe this, but so far, these 15 or 16 books have had the common thread of giving is the secret to whatever the book is trying to Sell you. So, like, listen, if it was a book on relationships, giving was the secret to having a better relationship. Want a better bank account? Give more to it was the secret of that. Want a better body? Give more towards that. Like, giving was the common thread through all of those books. And so I started keeping an eye out for this common thread to see if it held through through all 30 or 30 books. And sure enough, I mean, strong. Natalie, 30 out of 30 books. No, they all had different agendas. As I explained, the common thread was that giving was the secret to anything you wanted. And that was the number one biggest takeaway that I got from reading those 30 books in 30 days.

Wow. And you mean now? Was this just the giving, like, because they're giving you so much information in the book, or were they actually saying, like, these are. They were sharing how tos and ways and giving was a big included topic.

It was just a big included topic. And sometimes it wasn't even that obvious, right? These were fables, parables, biographies, you know, seven steps to this. Like, the books were wildly different from each other, but giving showed up in a different way in each book. And it was undeniable. 30 out of 30 books. I could go back and probably pull up the list right now and say, okay, in this book, here's how giving showed up. In that book, here's how giving showed up. And. And it was just this secret that was unlocked to me. I felt like I was running around town with a secret that nobody else knew. At the end of these 30 books in 30 days, it's what was responsible for planting the seed for my podcast. It's what was responsible for so many different things that up leveled our life.

So how did you start applying that?

Number one, I got super focused on am I giving more than I'm taking this right down to, like, okay, the relationships in my life, all types of relationships. Am I offering up more than I'm taking from? Am I introducing them to people they need to meet? Am I giving them counsel when they need counsel? Am I sharing my ideas or my tips? So it showed up big time in my relationships right away.

And I can tell you as a friend and that you live that like, you completely live that. And I've witnessed it, not just with me and Brooks, but with just in general with people. It's not that people don't ask you a question and you send them a bill. Like you. You really give and you don't worry about anything else.

You just, number one, thank you for saying that. And number two, it feels good to, like, wake up and live that way. It feels really good. Now listen, I want to caution everybody, don't give to a fault, right? So don't give. Give, give, give, give to the point where you're not getting anything done that you need to get done. There is a fine dance that you have to do here. But don't give with the expectation that it's going to pay you back right away or ever give because it feels good, because it's the right thing to do. And give often, whether it's financially, whether it's your time, whether it's your advice, whether it's connecting to, you know, someone to somebody else, wake up every day, super intentional about it. Matter of fact, I did that seven day generosity challenge on Instagram and it was just to help people be more intentional for seven days in a row of when you wake up, how can I give today? And that was the message I got back most during that challenge. They're like, you know, I thought I gave a lot, but I didn't realize how hard it was to. Every single day you are faced with the question, what did I give today? How was I generous today?

Yeah.

So it's just, it's such a great way to live life. And here's the side effect. Here's the side effect. You end up with so much relationship capital, you end up with so many favors, you end up with so many great humans in your life that anything you need, when you need it, shows up instantaneously.

Yeah, that's powerful. Yeah, it's powerful. And I can on that theme of how you've shown up giving, I believe that everyone in your life would give back if you needed or asked.

It shows up all the time. Whether it is, hey, I need you to speak at my mastermind. Whether it is, you know, hey, I need advice on this, or hey, I need you to change something in my business, it's just not computing right. Like, it doesn't matter what. I am able to ask for advice and favors and help from people that I never imagined even rubbing elbows with, much less having them say, absolutely, how can I help? And it is the best feeling on the planet.

Now, are there days that you use, you have self doubt now or feel down, or you sound like you have it sewed together now.

Oh, hell no. So here's what's funny. You always have a ceiling. If someone is making a hundred grand, why aren't they making 500? If someone's making 500, why aren't they making a million? If they're making a million. Why aren't they making 10? If they're making 10, why aren't they making 100? And so on and so on. Everybody has a ceiling, and it's our jobs to, number one, be aware of that ceiling. Number two, choose to find a way through the ceiling. So I have a ceiling right now in many areas of my life, just like everybody else does. I don't feel like I am in as good of shape as I want to be. Am I in bad shape? No. But do I look like Brooks after he just did his little shred down last month? Absolutely not. You know what I mean? So I'm not in as good of shape as I would like to wake up every day being. I've got these business ideas that are absolutely rock star solid and I cannot wait to do them. Except I haven't created the space to do them yet. And so clearly I still have some limitations in how fast I'm moving to create the space to do that. Right now I'm saying, well, I'm too busy with this, I'm too busy with that. And so I'm trying to work through, you know, why aren't I creating the space to get these done? What. What adjustments do I have to make? There's a constant battle in my life of I'm showing up, you know, one way, but I want to show up better, and how do I get there?

So what do you do about that? How do you progress?

I continue to ask myself the question, face the question. Find other people that can answer the question. Take counsel from other people who've already been there, done that. That's a really big one. I've been taking counsel from people that are just remarkable human beings that are crushing different areas of life. Make sure I'm constantly, always talking to Lori about it. You know, we've got that mandatory dog walk every single day of our life, come hell or high water, and I'm.

Rain shine no matter what.

Yeah. I'm always waffles.

Depends on you.

Totally. She does. I'm totally seeking counsel and accountability even. Even though it makes me uncomfortable. I'm putting myself in rooms and in situations where the next time I show up to that room or that situation, I know those high achievers are going to ask me how I'm doing on my such and such project. And if I haven't moved it forward, I'm going to feel like an idiot. So I actually apply that pressure to me on purpose.

That's great. How do you shift your mood when you don't feel like it when you just like, you're like, I don't feel like asking or I don't. I don't feel like going for the walk today or I don't feel like reading the book. How do you, how do you shift that?

I changed my state. I changed my body. This is so Tony Robbins esque and it's so nerdy, but it works. The other day, this was yesterday, Laurie and I were working on a speech that we have coming up in Las Vegas and we did not feel like working on it at all. So, like, all right, dance party. And we quick turned on music and started jumping up and down and dancing and as crazy as we could to the point where at the end of the song we were out of breath. And then guess what? It changed our state. It was nerdy as hell, but it changed our state. And until you can get to a place where you can physically change your state, where you choose to, then you're going to continue to bump up against a ceiling and not a very good one. Here's one of the biggest problems, Natalie, is everyone's like, I know I should be doing X, but I don't feel like it. And they just sell themselves on this idea of why they don't feel like it. And, oh, we are the best salespeople in the world when it comes to selling ourselves because we know what our hot buttons are, right? So everyone's selling themselves on why they can do it tomorrow or why they shouldn't do the scary thing or why they shouldn't ask this person. And you're really just selling yourself into a complete life of mediocrity. And it's time to start making those weird or nerdy or unconventional choices so that you sell yourself into a world of extraordinary life.

Yeah, that's incredible. Now, Chris, you've literally changed my life. You don't even know this, but you've changed my life about how I start my mornings. So, yeah, I have my own little cheesy mantra now because I got it from you. We just copied it. So will you share with everyone how you start your day? Because I know you have a very. You're very good about your morning routine. And I want to know if you could share what you do and then why you do it.

Super specific about my morning routine. I mean, my trainer put it in the best words I ever could. He said to me, when I was describing him, my morning routine is like, well, of course he goes, there's no easier part of your day to control than the first 30 minutes. I was like, boom, duh. That's why I do it this way. And it's true. Think about there's no easier time part of your day to control than the first 30 minutes, even if you have to set your alarm 30 minutes earlier than you are today. So here's my morning routine and I.

Want to show you. What you don't do is grab your phone.

That's the thing. No, I'll go step through step with you right now. So I typically wake up first out of Lori and I. And I'll quickly say I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, and more fit than I was yesterday. Out loud, like the minute my eyes are open and that I'm conscious, like, ooh, I'm awake. I say, I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, more fit than I was yesterday. I roll over, I wake up Lori. To that I say, babe, babe, wake up. I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, more fit than I was yesterday. Say it back. And she's like, I'm happy about it. And I'm like, no, say it like you mean it. And every morning she hates me for this, but I'll make her repeat it back until she says it like she means it.

So you wake her up to say this?

Absolutely. That's how she. That's how I wake up. And that's the first thing she hears when she wakes up. And that's therefore the first thing she's saying when she wakes up. Then I roll right back over and I quickly close my eyes, clasp my hands, and I say a quick 60 second prayer of things I'm grateful for. And it's so juvenile and so random every single day, different every morning. So, you know, I'll wake up, I'll close my eyes, I'll say, I'm so grateful that waffles is laying across my legs. I'm so grateful waffles is healthy. I'm grateful I woke up today. I'm grateful Lori's next to me in bed. I'm grateful this beautiful home I woke up in. I'm grateful that I'm in Southern California. I'm grateful. And it's just this random juvenile list that is.

I'm grateful that Natalie and Brooks are friends of ours.

Yes. Yes. I'm so grateful that Natalie and Brooks are friends of ours. I'm not kidding. People like that come into my gratitude in the morning. And so that only lasts 60 seconds. But look what I've done for the first 90 seconds of my day. Instead of Waking up and looking at my phone and saying, oh, that's right, I have that. Or instead of waking up and, you know, quote, getting out of bed on the wrong side and just letting any thoughts enter my head that happen to be in front of me, I wake up and I control my thoughts for a measly 90 seconds. And I always wake up on the right side of the bed because of it. And so I go downstairs, we make coffee, we grab our books, and we first start reading. And when you say, are we always working on things? Natalie, we had to make a rule. Talk about juvenile called pages before swipes. Because when I would go downstairs after doing those things that were so good for me, and we're making the coffee and I'm feeding the dog, I would open up my Instagram. It was like, out of habit. And if there was a good post, a bad post, a good message, a bad message, whatever, it would set my mood right after I got done setting it where I wanted it. So now we made this rule. Pages before swipes, make the coffee, feed the dog, grab our books, and we have to read at least 10 pages before we open up any kind of phone, anything.

And I've heard you mention before, a big reason for that is you're leaving it up to chance. When you swipe Instagram or whatever it.

Is, you are, you are. Listen, if you let other people, I don't care what medium it is, if you let other people infiltrate your morning before you are, like, fully prepared for it, then it is like the lottery, but it's not necessarily a good one. You are leaving it up to chance. And as to what your mood is going to be that day and it's going to control the rest of your day. I can't believe that we do that in this day and age. Right?

Yeah.

Like, we let somebody else's cocky, arrogant, ignorant, passive aggressive post determine that we're going to have a bad day the rest of the day because of the butterfly effect that happens when you start your day that way. How silly when you think about it and say it out loud. So I go from mantra to prayer to coffee and reading to a quick meditation. And we used to hold ourselves to like 15, 20 minutes. And we realized we weren't doing it because we. We have a busy day or that's too long, I don't feel like it. So now, as long as it's at least five minutes, we did it. So notice how realistic we're being, by the way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because there's no reason you would have to skip this. No matter how busy your schedule, it's quick.

Not at all. Exactly. And so. And you can also see where we struggle when it was 20 minutes and we'd skip it sometimes for a whole week at a time, what did we do? We adjusted it down to something that's more realistic. So we still struggle with building these habits and we adjust them to live into them.

Now, do you do this even when you travel, even when you're time?

Absolutely. It's a non negotiable. It's a non negotiable. And so then we go and we get our respective workouts in, whether we're doing it together or separately. And then, and only then, at the end of that entire morning routine can people infiltrate our day with phone calls, appointments, podcasts, meetings, whatever.

Got it. And so you work out first?

Yep. Always. That's. Yep. It's. We call it protected time. So from the minute I wake up to the time we're done with our workout, that's protected time.

There's no phone looking, no messages, no.

Email, no, no, no. After the pages, then we'll start the swipes. But we're in such a good state by then that, you know, we. We're not gonna let somebody else's comments or anything penetrate our day at that point.

Okay, so it doesn't matter. So your workout doesn't get affected now because of that?

No, not at all. Yep, we are. We're impenetrable. After the mantra, the prayer, the coffee, the meditation, and the pages, at that point, you're really primed to say, I accept this or I don't accept that.

Now, how long did it take you implementing this routine until it like, stuck and you craved it and it became a habit?

It's a good question. I can't even tell you when it started. I know we've been doing it this way for a few years and we've been adding to it. Like the pages before swipes was only invented in the past year and meditation the year before that, and you know, the, the mantra and the prayer the year before that. So I can tell you that it's been rock solid and we've always been adding to it and making sure it's something that we do for a few years. But I can't really tell you how or when it started. It's just we recognize these needs. Oh, okay, here's how. Here's really how we landed on it. We would recognize where we would be thrown off and say, how can we make sure that doesn't happen, we would put in this little protective thing to make sure it doesn't happen.

That's great. Okay, that makes sense. How do you spend your time now?

Yeah, what a great question. We spend our time working a lot, but we love what we do. Walking every single night. It's a non negotiable for us. Hanging out together quite a bit, traveling quite a bit, reading, listening to podcasts. Yeah, like, like anybody else does, only probably with way more focus on only letting positive propaganda enter our lives. Or like we don't watch any news, we don't allow any negativity in. We seek out positive propaganda through whatever medium it might be all the time.

And then. I know, I know, that spills into who you surround yourself with. I mean, can you share? Like, how do you choose who you're surrounding yourself with? And did you have to take people out of your life when you were making this big transition?

It's not that we ever take people out of our lives. Here's. Okay, so the number one thing that will stop your growth is that you're afraid to transcend the people that are in your life right now because it is uncomfortable. Oh my God, they're going to think this about me. Oh my God, they're not going to like this. Oh my God, they're going to say this about me. Oh my God, they're going to, you know, tell everybody this about me if I, if I quote, leave them behind. So the thing that people get stuck on is the difficulty of transcending because that's what you're doing. You're going to a new level all the time, hopefully transcending the other people in your life. Now here's the thing. When I say you are transcending the other people in your life, you're just growing out loud. You're not saying, hey, so and so I'm leaving you behind. Glad to have known you. I'm going to the next. No, you're just growing out loud and you're seeing who wants to come along with you. Never leaving people behind because they always have the invitation to come along with you. Lori and I want everybody to come along with us, but we are not going to slow down our growth so that that can happen. It's everybody's individual choice. And here's what happens. Most people, if we're being super frank, most people choose to stay behind and they justify it and they say what they want, they're always invited along, but most people choose to stay behind. And so this natural progression of people Choosing to stay behind and you choosing to grow is how you continue to uplevel your tribe.

I love that. And I love that you. You have a saying that I've heard you say many times. In fact, I think you start your podcast with it about being unapologetic about your success. Is that.

What.

Did I say that right?

What was it? Yeah, absolutely. It's just a word I love. Unapologetic.

Right?

You need to be unapologetic about where you're going and how you want to show up in the world. And here's why. When you can stand in your power and say, here's who I am, here's what I represent, here's where I'm going, then it allows everybody else around you to do the same thing unapologetically as well. And then it allows everybody around them to do the same thing unapologetically as well. Now picture like if it was your superwoman pose, right? And so you do it first and everybody else's. And everybody else's. And everybody else's. And the butterfly effect of that. Everybody would be standing in their truth, in what's good for them, in what they want and where they want to go. They'd be accepting of each other's truth and where they want to go because they know that person is standing in their power. And you're not going to push them around and you're not going to change their minds anyways. And if everybody just followed through with living up to what they are meant to do, and if everybody just followed through with playing as big as we're meant to play, I gotta be honest. There would not be a single problem in the world left unsolved. There'd be enough funding, there'd be enough expertise, there'd be enough love, there'd be enough everything to solve every damn problem in the world. But the problem is most people are not choosing to play up to their highest ability.

Oh, my gosh, Kris, I could go on for hours with you and I'm about out of time, so I can't.

Believe how quick I'm gonna have to.

Bring you back on. But I have a question that I've asked everybody and dying to hear your take on this. So what? Because there's people every day. I know you've seen them. That they are in that moment now of like, rock bottom or things. They're. They lost their job or their business failed. I see that. Or the life that they thought was one way is not that way now their husband's leaving them whatever it is. And they're in that spot of like, what now? Like, everything sucks and they're in that spot of like, everybody else is successful. I'm not. What are three pieces of advice you would give them to help them start shifting? What can they do?

Great question. Great question. I've been there. And so answer number one, is this be okay with this season of reinvention that you're in? It's when you're fighting it, like, dang it, everybody else is halfway down the highway and I'm over here on the. On the on ramp that you're beating yourself up over it. Be okay with this beautiful season of reinvention because like I told in my story earlier, you're going to look back on it as one of the best moments of your entire life, even though I acknowledge it feels like the worst moment of your entire life right now. Number two, I had to come up with a phrase for myself that has been a game changer, and that is ego is your greatest overhead. When you're worried about what other people think or when you're even worried about why you're not where somebody else is, it really all comes back to ego. And ego is your greatest overhead. And when I say that, I mean you. Ego will cost you relationships, it'll cost you money, it'll cost you opportunities. You know, ego is going to cause you to say something that you shouldn't have. Ego will cause you to not say something when you should. Right. Because you're trying to protect your ego and what people might think about you. Ego will cause you to buy stupid things that you're not ready to buy yet. Ego will always be your greatest overhead. And so when you can choose to set ego aside in all of your decision making, this comeback story of yours is going to happen 10 times quicker because you're going to be making these pure decisions that are good for you, not decisions out of ego. And it's nothing more than a great awareness out of it. So that's number two. Number three, to whoever is just down and out right now, I got to tell you, every time that I grow to a new level, it's because I choose to uplevel my tribe. And remember, it's not like I'm telling, you know, this, this, this and this person, hey, I'm leaving you. It's me going out and seeking somebody who inspires me and who is doing what I want to do and finding a way to add value to their life so that I can be in their life. And then Everybody else has the chance to come along with you if they would like.

Oh, I love that, Kris. That's the. And I want to just clarify on that. And I think because some people hear that and they think, well, I'm just going to call somebody and ask if I can pick their brain for coffee. And I want to point out what you just said is you up level by adding value to their life. Not taking.

That's exactly it. Find a way that you can add enough value to their life that you can be in their life.

I love that. Chris, this was amazing. Where can people find you your amazing podcast for the love of money, which is incredible. Make sure you download that, subscribe to it. Incredible. Where else can they find you? Social media handles.

Yeah. These days the only place I'm the only platform I'm on is Instagram. I don't know why I love it. I just love it. I don't seem to log on to the other ones. So find me at Chris W. Harder on Instagram. And like you said, forthelovemoney.com is where you can find my podcast and for thelovemoney.com mastermind is where you can find information on my masterminds.

Amazing. Thank you so much, Kris.

Oh my God. This has been number one, super fun. Number two, my pleasure. I'm just such a fan of everything that that you do. I love this next chapter that you're going into.

Thank you. Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review, I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over on Instagram @nataliejofit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.