008: Not Knowing When to Quit with Kelsey Humphries

Foreign. Hi, I'm Natalie Jill. Fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. Kelsey Humphries is a master at enrolling others in her vision As a best selling author and international keynote motivational comedian, actor and singer, she spent over 4, 000 hours studying success habits and interviewing moguls and celebrities. She's landed guests like Rachel Ray, Barbara Corcoran, Tony Robbins, Larry King, and Dave Ramsey. Her work has been published for publications like Entrepreneur Magazine, Success Magazine, the Huffington Post, and others. Sounds like a typical success story with the right help, right? What you might not know is that Kelsey achieved all of the above without an agent, without a manager, without a publicist, or even, as she says, her sanity. Join us today as you learn how Kelsey leveled up by faking it until she made it. How she goes the other extra miles while others quit. How she uses a no as a challenge to find a way to how she operates by ready, Fire. Fire. And then she aims. How she still battles self doubt daily, but she uses that as motivation to constantly level up and create everything from nothing. Welcome, Kelsey. I'm so excited for you all to meet Kelsey today. She's the creator of the Kelsey show. And Kelsey, thank you for being here because you always stood out to me. As an example, I bring your name up constantly about people that are amazing at creating things out of nowhere. Like you literally created this amazing show out of nowhere. So thanks for being on.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited. I know you have a million billion raving fans that are gonna automatically switch over to this podcast. So I was so excited to be one of your first few guests. I'm sure soon you'll be in, you know, top 10 on iTunes and I'll be like, I was on that show. So thank you so, so much. I appreciate it.

Thanks, Kelsey. So people look at you as this incredible success and I know it wasn't always that way. In fact, when I first met you, I remember this so clearly. You had sent me an email that you were launching a show and I get lots of those emails that, you know, I'm launching a show and I didn't know who you were. I didn't. Your show was not live yet. And there was something about how you reached out to me. You literally, like, studied me. You connected.

You.

You instantly felt like somebody I made friends with. And you just had this way about you that made me want to meet with you and be on your show. And it's incredible to watch this journey. So I'd love for you to tell us about. Tell my audience about where you were before you became this success, how you even got into this. Where did that come from?

Okay, well, it's funny. You keep saying I'm such a success, but, you know, in our own lives, all we can see is, like, well, you know, I've been rejected, like, five times this morning before I had breakfast. So I don't. You know, that's just like, the world we live in when you're constantly pitching things. So that is. That's fun to hear you say that. So before all of this, the Kelsey show, and getting to interview amazing people like yourself in person all over the U.S. it's been insane. I was so way back. I was going to be an entertainer. That's what I thought, like, when I was in my teens. But of course, like everyone else, I sort of got a fallback degree. I married my high school sweetheart. We got married young. Then all of a sudden, we have a mortgage. So I kind of, like, gave up on my hopes and dreams a little bit, and I ended up in a marketing career. And I worked my way up in that and I like to call it. I slowly started, like, pivoting back to who I really was. And one of those things was by working my way up in the industry, I got to perform a little bit because I was up on a stage of sorts making presentations, and I was getting to write funny commercials on the backside of the camera, and I was getting to create campaigns and use some of the muscles that I use now, but in a different way. And what happened was I was approached by an international froyo company to be their agency. So I was able to quit my job and start my own business. As the marketing. I had my own marketing agency. And it was insane because they. This froyo company had over 200 stores across the US and it was just me and an intern doing everything for them, from, like, in store signage to their monthly E blasts, everything for this retail company or food, Food and beverage company. And I really enjoyed it. But I. I could tell, like, I wasn't going to be able to do it long term. And their company was purchased by A big conglomerate. And I was like, you know what? This is an opportunity to pivot again, to get back closer to what I actually want to be doing. So that's when I wrote my book. So go solo is kind of the start. Because a lot of creative people ask me, how did you work your way up in your company and then go out on your own? Especially since I know this is long, but I feel like there's some nuggets in here for people. So I was a. I started as a graphic designer. So a lot of people with a right, right brain, you know, really creative, really, like all these, like, you know, flowy ideas sort of people were like, how did you do that? And you know what they say? If someone asks you the same question over and over and over again, you write a book. That's the answer.

Yeah.

So that's what I did. And again, I just reached out cold turkey to Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank and asked her to endorse my book. And she did. And that just takes.

Wait, wait, say that again. You reached out, she didn't know who you were. You'd never met her, and you said, will you endorse my book?

Yeah.

Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. And then my book became number one on Amazon in the entrepreneurship category, which is really competitive. So it was really insane. And the reason I can tell you, part of that is, you know, good old fashioned stalking, right? Like, I researched her hardcore. I found the email address that she had listed on some, you know, you have to dig. I never fill out an online form, guys. Never. I never fill out a form. I found an email address, and then I reached out to her assistant. Not her. She's not checking her own emails. She's Barbara Corcoran. And I was like, hey, Gail, what's up? You know, not. So I was not super relaxed, but I was also a normal human being. And I just. I immediately led with what I knew would get Barbara fired up. Fired up, which was that only 8% of entrepreneurship books were written by women. That was the first thing I put basically in the email. And I was like, so I would love for her to endorse my book. And then, of course, you know, we email back and forth and we got to. We agreed on, like, a blurb and all that stuff. But, I mean, that was crazy. So that happened. And then because of the success of the book, I was traveling to speak, and I thought, well, if I'm going to be speaking anyway, and I really miss performing and being under pressure and being on camera. What if I just start a traveling video talk show. How hard could it be? It's hard. It's very hard. I had the dumb. I was the stupid. And I'm glad because I did it anyway. And then it just exploded. And suddenly the interviews were taking off much faster than anything else. I went from zero to Tony Robbins in 18 months. Many thanks to people like you, by the way. Because the first few people, like you said, didn't really know me. All I shared with them was the vision I had and what this was going to be and, you know, how I was going to position it and all that stuff. And so you. And there were a few authors, which. Talking about starting something from nothing. The first few interviews I did, I did them in Nashville because that's where my sister lives, and I had a free place to stay, and she had. She had a DSLR camera I could borrow so that I could have.

Okay. I love everything about you right now.

I'm sorry, I know I said way too much.

No, no, I love it. I love it. And you're. You're so. Ready, fire, aim. It's like, I'm going to figure it out later. I'm going to figure it out later, and I love it. And I can attest to what you might not even know that I know about you, which is hysterical that you're saying all this right now is. And you, because you truly live to, like, bake it till you make. And just ready, fire, ready, fire, and then maybe aim. Right. And that's what's worked for you, it sounds like. So when Kelsey, when you came in, you introduced me to your producer, and I remember you saying, my producer will be there with me. And your producer came up and I went. I remember you went to use the restroom, and you've had your pregnant producer there, and you were still in the restroom. And she said, I'm just her pregnant friend, but I'm her. She told me to be her producer today. I remember feeling so bad, like, oh, my gosh, we got to help this girl.

And then you did, and Brooks came in and took over. I was like, thank God we set up your lights.

I remember.

But.

But we. I liked it because you were so real and you were so determined. You had such an incredible vision.

Yeah, I just. I. It was crazy how it took off. The very first thing when it comes to, you know, just kind of starting out of nowhere was I looked immediately around me, and I had a friend of a friend that we'd, like, tweeted back and forth, and they lived In Oklahoma City. His name's Scott Williams. And I will always, always, if I ever win an Emmy, you guys, or something exciting, he will be in my acceptance speech because he agreed to be in the pilot, which a pilot means nothing. This, nothing could come from this. I'm just asking for you to meet me. I'm going to come to your office, I'm going to interview you. But he had. This is where I set the bar. He had over 100,000 Twitter followers. So I was like, if I can just connect with him, you know, he's local, we kind of know each other and I can just drive down the street and shoot this video. And then that pilot was what I shopped around to the next round of guests. So I actually used his video to book the next round of guests. And then the quality and everything went way up from there because his was on a, on a GoPro. It was bad. It was amateur hour.

So what I want, I have so many questions for you now. So where does this confidence come from? Because it's like you don't even think of failure. You're just like, I'm going, where did that come from?

Oh, well, we got to back up a little bit. So, you know, I think that one of the inspiring things about your story, which we talked about when I interviewed you, you kind of hit sort of a bottom. Not like you were living under a bridge or anything, but you kind of had hit this depressed point, this rock bottom, and you're like, I'm not doing this anymore. You know, I think we get to a point where we're like, I am just not. I am choosing now to make a change. Well, in those years back when I kind of stuffed down my passions and I moved away from how I was really wired and how I'm created to be, which is basically doing jazz hands in the aisle at Target. And I had stuffed all that down. I started drinking to keep my feelings down. And that turned into a real problem over the years. Eventually I was a high functioning alcoholic. So I had a great job and I was showing up for church and I love my husband and love my life and I just couldn't quit drinking. I just was trapped. And I talk about this now openly because I think there are a lot of people who are really seem to have it all together on the outside, you know, and are super high functioning, you know, wife's and moms or whatever, in suburbia, and they are stuck in something, whether that's an eating disorder or an addiction or whatever. And for me, it was like, you know, so much wine. And so I finally got sober. And I'm not kidding you guys, the day after I made the decision was when Scott Williams said yes to be in the pilot. And a month later was when Barbara agreed to endorse my book. So making that decision, like, I am going to show up now because any kind of escapism like that, numbing yourself, that means you're not showing up, right? You're not being you. You're not showing up in the world. So I decided to show up. And then I believe in God. You may want to say the universe, but I believe when we agree to show up, he'll show up for us. And so then all these things just started to fall into place. But now, if you're asking, like, where does this confidence come from, this courage, Listen, I've lived the other way. I've lived the, you know, numbed out, not going to go for it, just going to be safe, just going to not try anything. And it was hell. And I'm just not going to go through that again. So this time, I am determined to use my gifts to, you know, try my best to make the vision I have in my head come to life. And also just, I think another thing that. And I know you understand this, especially, like, in the. If you guys are into the fitness and health stuff that you learn from Natalie, a lot of people think like, well, you know, confidence and courage and going for it means that you're going to make something happen, this one thing happen, no matter what, when really it's a determination that I'm going to find a way. It may not be this exact way. I'm going to find a way, and that's a different way of thinking about it. So, like, you know, if YouTube shut down and it was over and there was no more YouTube, I would not lose hope. I would just be like, okay, well, that option is no longer available. We'll find a different option. Does that answer your question?

I love it. I want to. And I get it, that it took a point of pain and realizing you're numbing yourself out. But where does that shift? Like, where did you learn that from? That there was a way, because some people would just get stuck in that, numbing out of the pain, you know, and it could go worse. It could turn into hardcore drugs or who knows what.

What.

Why do you think that was different for you? What did. Was there somebody that taught you that? Like, did you pick up a book? Like, where did that mindset shift happen for you? Where you had the power of deciding.

Well, at this time before I, you know, when I was. I kind of tell people that I had started out with, you know, one day I might change, you know, and then it kind of became, I need to change. And then it became, someday I will change. And then it became, I could change if I was ready. You know, it's all these little shifts. And then eventually it was like, I'm going to change now. But those shifts take time. And I think, you know, at this point, when I was. When I was still. I was writing my book and I was still, you know, I hadn't launched the show yet, but I was working, and I was already an entrepreneur. I was already watching entrepreneurial content. I was listening to podcasts. I had all this positive stuff coming in, and it was kind of just like affirming what I already knew, which was that this is not going to work if I'm not fully functioning. You know, like, this is not. You can't make it work. Like, if you study successful people and you learn and you're. And you're growing as a person, you're going to realize, okay, I can't go on this way. At some point, you'll just kind of be faced with the reality, like, it's now or never. But that was a progression. It wasn't overnight. It was over time. Plus, you guys, I mean, I had a newborn. Well, she was about one year old. And for the record, because, you know, haters going to hate. I did not drink when I was pregnant, and I pumped like a mofo so that I could drink when I was nursing. So we gotta get that out there or else, you know, people would be sending messages.

Got it.

So anyways, yeah, so I had a daughter, and that was a big part, too. Like, just to look at her and know, like, man, what example am I setting? You know? So it was a. It was a bunch of things that come together, and eventually, you know, you kind of have to prime yourself. You're gonna do it, you're gonna do it. And then it's like, okay, it's go time.

Do you think you assume the best right now? Like, when you reach out to me or when you reach out to Barbara. Barbara Corcoran? And when you did these reach outs, do you just assume the best? Like, you don't even assume they're going to say no?

It sounds like that is a good question. I feel like anybody who's going after big hopes and dreams is a little bit cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. And honestly, it's kind of both. Like, I would write this email that I felt was just glowing. You know, I write this pitch email, angels are singing, and I'm like, this is it. And I send it off. And I'm pretty confident in that moment, but it only takes about two minutes for me to be like, that's it. They're never responding. Everyone hates me, and I'm going to fail. You know, like, you just kind of go through the cycles of like, oh, no, what have I done? I pressed send. The email wasn't ready. Nobody's good. So I think it's both. But you. The one thing that happens over time is you get used to know. And that is much harder at the beginning. So if you're just now trying to build something and grow something at the beginning, it's much harder. You're not used to all that rejection. You're not used to people just being flat out, I don't want to buy what you're selling type of situation. And over time, that gets much, much easier. So that's the part that kind of. Am I. Am I assuming the best? No, I'm not. Also not assuming no. Well, I will tell you this. I never have a no. If someone says no, they go in a maybe pile and I follow up like a year later.

Got it. So no, it's just an opportunity to follow up.

Yes. I've had a few people. It was a firm no, and I don't think I'll follow up with them for a few years. Like, just, you know, super huge celebrities that were like, you know, we. I don't. I don't know how they word it. It's really politically correct, but, you know, they're tactful about it. But it's like, please don't contact us. And so those people. I would wait even longer, but, yeah, I don't have. I just think you just follow up that just meant that you weren't ready or maybe they weren't ready and you just follow up again later.

So, Kelsey, how did you go from like, that pit in your stomach when someone says no to, like, it's a follow up later?

Well, like I said, you get used to it. And that is a painful. That is not fun. You know, you have to get used to. The only way to get used to falling down and getting back up is to keep falling down. Right. The only. The only way to get used to rejection is to just keep pitching. But I like to say that I feel like the wallowing should fit the crime. So if it's like you ask someone for a small something, and they say no. Okay. You get a few minutes to be upset, and then you bounce back. If it was a huge RFP that took you months to make and you sent it to, like, Coca Cola or something or some huge opportunity, yeah, take a couple days and just recuperate. That was a lot of investment of time and energy. And it is okay to really just feel the suck for a while. So I think we've got to, you know, let that be. I think the problem is when you're starting, all of these little things feel like giant things, and you got to just tell yourself this is not a big thing in the grand scheme of life. The other important thing, you guys. Which is hard, especially if you're a creator. You create videos, you create a podcast, you write blogs, or you write really long Instagram posts. The thing about it is that you have to separate yourself from the work. So. So, yes, they may not like my personality or my giant hair or the fact that I'm more of a comedy show or whatever. They might not like some things about me. But for the most part, whoever you're reaching out to, guess who they're thinking about. Themselves. They're thinking about their work, their audience, their goals. Sometimes they're just thinking about their calendar, their schedule. There's so many other things, so little of it. When we're pitching big opportunities, big ideas we're trying to grow, so very little of it is actually about us. And that really helps once you start to really reframe it. That, like, this is not about me. This is about their goals. Or maybe it's about my type of work. Some people would never say yes because, like, I've had publicists tell me that their clients who are on TV are painfully shy and never do interviews. They just don't. They were never going to do a video interview ever. I'm like, okay, that's surprising. You know, you wouldn't know that.

Yeah, but that's interesting because it's separating. It's not rejection to you. It's like, that a real thing that's happening.

Yep. So it's not about us.

How do you currently define success?

I am not successful yet because I want to be making bank. Okay, so lots of money, obviously, but I want to be doing. I want to be getting paid for the things that I enjoy the most.

Okay.

So right now, you know, I have lots of different income streams, as everybody does, and, you know, none of them are where I want them to be. But the main Thing is, I'm not really getting the most. I get paid is for public speaking, which I do love, and it is one of my favorite things. But I would love to be getting paid the most for the talk show, the comedy, you know, doing more humorous stuff, getting to do bigger brand partnerships. I have done some brand partnerships, but, like, an example is that, you know, I'll make a coffee parody video. I want Folgers to be. I want Folgers to partner with me to make a coffee parody music video. Right. Like, those are the types of goals that I have. So that's what I think success is when you are. In terms of financial success, of course, that's probably part of what I'm talking about here, is to be, you know, getting to be paying your bills plus extra, to be making more than enough doing what you actually love the most. And I think so many of us, even as entrepreneurs or as, you know, someone who's hustling or people who have side hustles, we're still sort of making the bulk of our money from what we don't love the most. And sometimes I'm like, really, guys? Are we considering this success now just because the money's coming in? And so that's maybe a little bit of a different take. There's obviously the personal side, too. I want to be a wonderful wife and mom and, you know, sister, daughter, and friend as well.

It's amazing hearing you say this, because I look at you as this huge success and I see what you've created from nothing, literally creating everything or nothing. And it's what I hear is how hungry you are. Like, it's not satisfied. Just want more, which is an incredible skill that you have the drive for more, which is explaining to a lot of what is helping to drive you. Would you say that's what drives you? For sure.

But there's also a really negative part to that. And for those of you who are like, yes to this part, that that also means it's very hard for me to be content. It's very hard for me to be present. It's very hard for me to really have an attitude of gratitude. I know that's like a great Instagram meme, but sometimes that is hard to live out, you know, because I'm so goal oriented and goal focused. And so with Barbara Corcoran and with Marie Forleo, we talked about this. Like, how do you hand, you know, constant drive for more? And the only answer is really that it's a muscle. You have to work. I have to work at being present and being grateful and also constantly being hungry. And if you listen to Barbara Corcoran, she would say, yes, it is hard to deal with because you're never happy. But like, I, you know, look at what I built. I'm worth $60 million. I think it helped me is what she was basically saying.

It's an interesting topic and I think a lot of super successful entrepreneurs have that in common. But there is a way to do the. And you know, because it's great. Yes. You create all this stuff and it's figuring out where that comes from so you can be present and have gratitude. So it would be interesting to trace that back on where that, that came from with you. Where this drive for, you know, it's not enough right now. It's not enough from right now. I need more. And I think it's, it's a, It's a catch 22. Because a lot of super successful people, it's a self worth conversation because to the outside world, they're uber successful and they keep driving, driving, driving, which makes them more successful. But in the inside, it's a battle of I'm not enough.

Mm. Mm.

And I see that as a pattern. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And I think that hopefully you have the self awareness. Like I literally will tell. I have to talk to myself and I'm like, I am never going to reach maximum potential because that is a moving yards or guidepost that is moving. I am never going to reach that. And I am enough without that. I am enough. I am good enough. I am worthy. I am loved. I mean, it sounds so cheesy and dork fest, but you actually have to do it. You have to talk yourself through that or else do you end up successful and depressed, which we both know is super common.

Of course, if you look at the suicides of super successful people, you can see that. Yeah. And it's a pattern. Well, it sounds to me that at least you recognize that pattern and it's. And it is. I do not think it's cheesy. I think it is important to rewire ourselves with those thoughts of I am enough and figuring out where it comes from. So one thing I've done with clients over and over again is going back on that pattern, figuring out where it came from, because then you can rewire the story around it.

And I just think it feels cheesy if you're saying it out loud to yourself. But I definitely don't think the practice is cheesy.

Good.

You're looking at yourself in the mirror.

Pumping those sticky notes out there.

You feel a little bit. Yeah, there's a lot.

You are amazing. You are worthy. I love it.

Yep.

I love it. Okay. What personal trait would you say, and you might have already answered this, but what personal trait would you say has been the most valuable in achieving what you've at least achieved? I won't say success, because you're not viewing it as success, but what you've achieved.

You know, we talked about a little bit about resilience already. You know, just that every no I get goes into a maybe pile. And I think that is definitely probably one of the biggest. Like, for example, you know, people say it takes 99 nos to get to a yes, I've done it. I'm pretty sure it's more like 30 or 40 no's. And I think people give up after five. Five or 10, they're done. I just see a much bigger picture than that. You kind of have to zoom out and look at how much opportunity there really is. I mean, I could interview one person a day forever, and they would all be interesting and co and different, you know, but with like, Dave Ramsey, for example, and Rachel Ray, I followed up with those publicists for over 18 months. Not very many people are willing to stick with it. Now. That wasn't. I wasn't doing it every week. I wasn't super stalkery. It was like every couple months, if they would be in the news or if I would hit another milestone, I would just casually reach out and be like, hey, you know, blah, blah, blah, and put my. Put the. Put a bug in their ear again. So definitely just like resilience and sort of a stubbornness, I guess. And the other thing that I feel like is my secret sauce is that I think that people let themselves stay at one level for too long. I like to use a speaking gig analogy. So if I, you know, let's say my first speaking gig ever, I don't really remember, I think it was more than this, but let's say it was 25 people. And so I'm going to go, I'm going to take video, I'm going to take photos, I'm going to capture every tweet that was tweeted. And I'm like, the next day I email the event coordinator and ask them for a testimonial. I'm getting all this stuff. And then a lot of people would of course use that to get their next speaking gig. Right? But what I would do is say, okay, the next speaking gig needs to be 50 people, there's no, you know, there's no need unless you really don't feel ready. But none of us are ever ready for anything to move up. So I just keep trying to push. Every time, you know, some sort of achievement comes, I'm like, okay, well, next month we'll do more, or next time it'll be bigger or what sort of. And same thing with guests on the show. When I would get a yes, I would email all the other people and be like, so and so is going to be on the show. You know, I hope that you will be, too. I have a huge guest coming up in New York. I'm not going to say yet because they keep rescheduling. And so I don't want to call this person out, but they're huge. Everybody knows them. Will be amazing. And when that happens, I will then follow up with every single person that I've ever contacted in New York and be like, I'm coming to New York to interview. Name drop. You know, I know I drop names left and right.

Yes, you are great at that. And leveling up is everything. And I love that you've broken through that. And you do take that as like, it's not like, this is okay, I've gone here, I'm going to stay here. You keep going bigger, and I love it.

Yeah, it's just, I think I don't know why more people and, I mean, I understand being scared, but I think it's also just so much more fun because it's constantly new, interesting challenges because you keep pushing yourself and you really.

Hit the nail on the head. You keep going when other people quit.

Yeah, I think that's probably true. Like I said, there's a little bit crazy happening here.

Do you worry about what other people think? I know that gets in a lot of people's gaps.

Yes, I do. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. It just changes who we think about. Like, I realized at one point a couple years ago, I was putting, you know, I've been putting quick pep talks out, which. Those are much more personal. It's like my own journey. Me just talking about what I'm learning. They're always. There's always a lesson. It's motivational, but it's not an interview. They're usually pretty funny and very, very authentic. And I'd been doing that since 2015. And I realized that I was worried about, like, you know, how you. You have, like, all these people on your Facebook friends list, and I would be sharing them you know, on my personal page or whatever, and I'd be worried about, like, what random Susie Q. From high school thought, you know, just rant, like, just weird old connections. I don't, you know, people that maybe they were. This is so weird. But like, someone who did not like you in high school, and. And then they later, you know, you become Facebook friends, which is weird. Anyway. And then, you know, and I was. I would be. And then I would be thinking about that, and I'm like, why do I care about this person? Why do I care about this person? And then it changes, you know, at some point, you know, you change. You start to care about your peers. You know, I know that people like you that I really look up to. Some of my mentors, I know that they follow me. Talk about letting that get into your head, because then you're like, oh, what? So you know, and I think it's. It's again, a practice. You have to practice blocking all that out or else you're not you anymore. You're not speaking your voice. You're not put. Creating what you want to create, but you have to. But yeah, I mean, I still, I'm. I feel like all of us, or at least I do, you know, like once a day I'll catch myself being seventh grade Kelsey, who had braces, and I couldn't figure out how to manage my hair, and I had to wear headgear sometimes. It was so bad, you know, so insecure, and I find myself flashing back there and you just have to. I just have to push it out. That doesn't mean the thoughts don't come. It just means I've learned to ignore them.

I love that you share that because I think a lot of people hide behind this, you know. Oh, I don't get affected by it in this appearance to be perfect. And I like that you share. You're sharing that. That's just a real human thing that it does come up. We do care now. What you've really mastered, though, is not letting it stop you. So you notice it and then you keep going anyway, which is incredible.

Yeah. And I think it's just something you have to practice, especially at the very beginning. You know, it's. It's. There's so much of your own family and friends in real life, community that sees what they're. Sees what you're doing. You're sharing it with them because that's. That's the only community you have. Right. If you're starting from nothing, you have to work with your. Your own Friends and family, ask them to share things, ask them to whatever. And that is hard and awkward because most of those people are probably not your target audience. You know, most of those people are probably not who is going to, you know, love what you're doing, but that's what you have at that time. And again, you're just gonna have to train yourself. Like when Aunt Sally is like, well, I just did not care for that video, you know, well, Aunt Sally, that video wasn't for you. Okay.

Oh my gosh, I love that. I love it that you just said that. It's true. Like, talk to your audience. Talk to your audience.

And my husband has not read my book. He does not watch my videos unless I specifically say, hey, this was funny, go watch it. Or I asked him like, hey, will you like this and share it or something. But honestly, he doesn't. He fully 100% supports me and loves me without me trying to make him into my audience. You know, he is not that. And that's another lesson you have to learn too.

Gosh, that's awesome. So it's not about everybody supporting you. It's about talking to your audience and letting the other stuff go. Are there days that you ever have self doubt or feel down?

Every day.

Really? Every day.

Okay, well, I mean, let me tell you this. So I have to. I still edit my own video for the most part because I'm so fast and I was outsourcing it and you know, for a lot of what I'm doing is very simple editing. I don't like it. I can't wait to outsource it again. But there are times when I outsource that and these people are so slow. And then there are times, you know, I just decide to put my money elsewhere. So right now I'm back. Especially since we just moved across the country to la. Guess where my money is going to rent. So I am editing my own videos, which means, y', all, I have to just stare at myself, you know, a lot. It's just probably not healthy. But so, you know, I. With the alcoholism and also, you know, just getting older and having a baby and all that stuff. I'm very self conscious about my weight. I'm super self conscious about that. I don't allow that to keep me from putting out a video every week. But there are days where I'm just like. Especially since now, y', all, I'm in Hollywood and I was in this, I was in this class trying to learn about commercial acting. And they said, well, if you're going out for a young mom role. You know, all of you in here who are about 23, and I'm looking around and they're like, all of they're pointing at these girls like, you could do a new young mom role. You could do. Yeah, they look 16. They look 16. I'm like, excuse me, that's my role.

Y' all need a backup, right?

And that's just the reality of what. And the reason I'm trying to get into more traditional work is because I think you have to sort of, you know, I think right now you have to come at things from all angles. I don't think just YouTube is enough. So I'm, you know, learning and growing and trying to do new things out here in LA LA and doing a lot more interviews because there's a lot of guests out here and that's tough. That's just hard. So there are days where I'm like, I'm never going to make it because I'm not a size 2. And man, there's just so much rejection. I don't know how you could not get down sometimes. And just, you know, like, what I always say is just today I'm going to try and spend less time in the fetal position under my desk than I did yesterday. Wow.

I mean, you know what I'm hearing and you don't even realize that's probably I'm hearing you use comedy to get around your self doubt and feeling down.

Oh, for sure. But I mean, I will let myself feel my feelings. That's something you have to learn too. Like, okay, right now this sucks and I hate it and I feel like this is not going to happen and I just move my family across the country for nothing. But I have to face those feelings and really deal with it and really stare at that and sit in the uncomfortableness for a minute and then pick myself back up and move on. But yes, it definitely happens a lot with whether it's rejection or me and my weight or whatever this self doubt is. And yes, I like to joke to get around it.

By the way, if you look at Kelsey's, nobody that looks at your stuff will think you are overweight. They will not think that. They will not think you have crazy hair. All these things you said about you. So it's amazing to me listening to you, because all I see is this beautiful, successful person. So it's incredible what you've, what you've said in your head.

Yeah, well, and I mean, obviously I have, you know, I'm like, I've got duffel bags filled with issues, but There you go, 100%. But I don't let that stop me. And I also feel like the reason I'm so open about, you know, just sharing, not very many people talk so openly about what they're insecure about, you know, that sort of thing. And that's just because I was, first of all, you know, I am an addict. I was an alcoholic. And with all that, you can do a lot when you're still a mess, I guess is the point I'm trying to make. You know, we kind of think, oh, well, they have perfect systems and they have their act together and they've. They are, you know, they have all the perfect X, y and Z and they're super confident and they're this and they're that. And the reality is so many of us are still filled with self doubt. We're still wrestling with our own issues. Everyone has their own things they're still trying to work through in their personal life that no one would ever have a clue about. And so that's part of what I'm passionate about too, is that my whole thing with, I always say I'm breaking down success for the rest of us. You know, I want to inspire that struggling mom of three in Idaho who's like, you know, just trying to remember to drink one bottle of water today if she's lucky. Well, that she can do a lot right now where she is with all of her insecurities, with the fact that she feels like a mess, with the fact that she's, you know, still still struggling with things. So that's why I maybe I'm a little bit more open about it than the next person. But at the same time, I also think I am the absolute best. Everyone needs to watch my show. I am the bomb. It's kind of like Gary Vee. He talks about that all the time. Like being super, super confident and also really humble at the same time. Or really, you know, making sure it's not about you. And then at the next minute, it's totally about you. I feel like I'm a lot like him in that way.

I think you're more humble than him.

Well, yeah, probably a little bit.

How do you start your days, Kelsey?

Well, I have a little one. So if it's a writing day or a really heavy day for me, I will wake up at five because I want to get centered and get a few things done before she wakes up. If it's not a heavy day, I will usually wake up when I hear her waking up in her room, which is somewhere between 6:30 and 7. And then I have to do, you know, mom things. And then after I get back from dropping her off at school is usually when I will start to actually tackle my day, which might be every day is a little bit different. But, you know, I try to start with. I really, really try and start with what I least want to do and least like to do. That whole eat that frog mentality. The big thing that I'm trying to put off and get it out of the way.

Got it. First thing in the morning.

Well, after coffee, of course. There's always of course after coffee.

And then I'm curious who you surround yourself with.

Oh, that is a great question. So I have like one of my best friends in the whole world. We met online in a random Facebook group and we met in person at a conference that we were both going to. And she lives in Chicago and I live in la before I lived in Oklahoma. And somehow we managed to see each other more than some of my in real life friends. Yeah. And she is an author, she is an executive. She is hustling. We keep each other. We keep each other accountable. We went on a girls trip and we worked.

Good though.

Yeah. Like, we get each other and I think that is rare and wonderful when you can find it. I also have a few close friends from high school that are. They, they don't really get what I'm doing, but they, they're more like sisters almost. They just love me and support me and they are cheerleaders and we talk about our babies and we just, you know, we're just old school friends that have known each other forever. I have a few friends here in LA that are also hustlers that I'm starting to get to know them better. We've only been here six months, so I don't have a ton of, you know, best friends out here, but I just, I really. And then of course we have like a church community that we found luckily right after we moved here. But I used to freak out about. And I think this comes with just getting older and you know, those like quarter life crisis years that we all go through. I used to freak out about not having very many friends and a lot of other adult women talked about this too. I kind of picked up on this trend that we're all kind of feeling like, why don't I have more friends? Why don't I have a bigger community? And then I just realized, you know what? I don't think it's having more friends. I think it's prioritizing spending more time with the quality friends that you have and carving out time out of the busyness for your key people. I do think, like, masterminds are important. I've hired coaches and things, like, all throughout different stages of the last few years at different times. But for the most part, I think it's just finding those quality friendship, just a few of them, and then really investing in those.

Yes, for sure.

Also, I'm lucky in my work that I get to stalk really successful people like yourself and then get to sit down and interview them and hopefully stay in touch with them. And that, I feel like, is a cool way to sort of, you know, I get to be in proximity. It's not like they're in my circle, but I get to, you know, network that way as well.

Yeah, it sounds. That's a theme as well. And I hope everybody listening picks this up, like, when. Especially if thinking, like, what do I want to do?

Or what.

What do I want to create or what's my next business? I always advise, go for the thing that you're learning right now and that you're passionate about, because then it's fun and you learn. Like, anything I'm ever researching and learning, I'm so excited about. And it doesn't feel like work. And you can. And then you're surrounding yourself with that great information. And it sounds like you do that, too. You're interviewing what you want to learn from and create this. You create that environment for yourself.

Yeah, definitely. I think. And you will see, like, my content and my show and my interviews have changed over time to, you know, reflect kind of what I'm very passionate about. And also, you're attracting those same people. So for me, as someone who has an audience, you know, I'm also tuning in more, hopefully to what my audience wants and what they love most and which ones are their favorite. And so over time, things will change. So, yeah, I definitely think that that helps keep it way more fun. If it's what you're most interested in, I think it's. Don't be surprised. It's been a long time since I've said don't beginning. Don't be surprised if when opportunity shows up, it's dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Yes. Love that.

That's one of my favorites. And there's a proverb, all hard work brings a profit. That's probably my absolute favorite because a lot of times we're just working, working. We're grinding we're hustling, and it feels like I have no momentum. What's happening? You know, that we all go through these dry spells, and I just remind myself, I'll say it out loud. All hard work brings a profit. The thing that the ROI might be that I'm growing as a person or that I'm setting myself up for an opportunity two years from now, you know, you don't know what it is, but all hard work brings in a profit. That's probably my absolute favorite.

Kelsey, there's something I ask everybody that's on. I ask if you're talking to somebody who's in that spot right now. I mean, maybe it's rock bottom, maybe it's not. They've lost their business, their spouse left them, things are changing for them. Their kids have left for school, whatever it is. But there's this change happening, and they're feeling that they're stuck and they don't know what's next, and they're ready to level up. Is there three pieces of advice you would give them?

So someone who is stuck? Three pieces, of course, you know, I know you get these questions. You're like, Well, I have 10,000 things I would tell them. So I'm trying to think of my top three. I think you should probably just find some small win that will get you going. Momentum is super precious. That's what we want. That's what the goal is, where things are moving and shaking. And obviously, if you're stuck, you have zero, right? Well, you can't get momentum if you don't get moving. So you got to actually pick some goal, some small thing to tackle. It can be as small as today. I'm going to just organize my one file folder. That's a hot mess. You know, something small, but something where you've actually accomplished, you know, a little bit towards your goal. So I would think first, let's do that. The second thing I think is that you might want to sit and really figure out when and how you personally get motivated. Now, we live in this great time where you can find so many gurus telling you so many things about motivation. But what works for one person doesn't work for everyone. And there are gurus who will say otherwise. I don't agree. I think that you personally are motivated different ways. Every person is different. So you have to find what really is going to get you going. You know, for some people, they're a mom, and that's thinking about their kids and their legacy. Other people are just flat broke and they need cash money. Okay. That might be the real motivator for you to think about, you know, what I would be able to pay off that one credit card. So I think you've got to find your own ways of getting motivated. And then I think you've got to find some sort of external accountability. And again, some people might argue with me on this, but all of us are pretty much wired for external accountability because of school and life. You know, you have to show up for school when you're little, you have to get good grades, you have to show up for your team because your teammates are waiting for you. Then you graduate and you have to get a job to pay your bills and you have to show up up for your job. All those things are external motivation. And then we wonder why we can't motivate ourselves for something that nobody, you know, like weight loss, for example. Nobody cares but me. It's really hard. So, you know, that's so recently I started a vlog where I'm telling people publicly what I'm doing so that that helps me. Other people couldn't stand that type of pressure. They wouldn't want the whole world knowing. But it might help if you just tell your sister or you just tell your best friend. And don't beat yourself up about the fact that you need external accountability. Don't beat yourself up about that. Just find one person that you trust that's a safe space and be like, I am totally stuck and I need you to help me be accountable to do this one thing today or this one thing a week or something like that.

This is great, Kelsey.

It's really important. If someone looks at my story, I want them to know this part. The main reason that I have been able to do what I have done over the last few years is because I partnered up with a platform that was much bigger than mine. So when I was just starting out, I pitched myself cold Turkey again to entrepreneur.com and success.com for distribution with them. It was my idea. I was like, hey, I will take a 10 minute clip of my interviews and I will write an article and give it to you to put on your website. One of them was paid and one of them is not paid. I have a couple non paid ones and one of them was paid. So they were paying me to do it and others weren't. But the fact of the matter was that much larger distribution is why someone like Tony Robbins would sit down with me. Because he sat down with me for one 45 minute interview and he got an audio Podcast, a video show, a written article on two different websites, and video clips on two different websites. Big websites, not just KelseyUnfreeze.com, but the big ones. So I say that because it is very hard to create something from nothing as an island. You know, find someone who believes in you, whether it's a mentor. Find someplace you can join, maybe like a co op, or you can partner and actually get a business partner or whatever. But for me, doing that partnership was really what sealed the deal, or else I would not have been able to get such big names. Now I'm at the point where I have the big names. People are less concerned with all the other distribution. They just trust the reputation I have. But it took years to get to that point. So I just want to make sure. I feel like I would be doing your audience a disservice if I didn't mention that part.

Yes. And I think that's absolutely brilliant that you did that. I would beg to differ with you that I think it's your energy, your vision, your commitment, your rigor, all of that. Because whether. And I remember you having that in the email to me, and I remember you putting me in one of those articles as well. And I will also share that. That's not what got me to work with you and to interview with you. Your energy, you have a contagious energy. You've got a strong vision. You are extremely vulnerable, relatable, real, and so committed that I see why you've built what you've built. So I would disagree with you.

Thank you. And you know what? I have. That's. That's. To be fair, I have been told that by multiple guests, if I was talking to the guests directly. But a lot of times I'm talking to a publicist. I don't get, you know, I. I'm talking to some third party. And they have very different goals. And so for them, I think those types of guests, you know, that's the distribution. But for the more personal ones, 100%, especially the first few, you know, and there have been a lot of big names that I was able to actually talk to them in person and they said similar things, which is very kind of you. Thank you. But, yeah, it's definitely, probably. It's definitely a bit of both.

Yes. And I share that also, because a number of times somebody will say, well, somebody's successful because. And I want to share it. The because could be there without the rigor, commitment, personality, all the stuff you've added to it, it wouldn't matter. Because if you were partnering with them and you didn't have all those other things, it wouldn't have happened.

Yeah, that's a good point. Especially since now there's a lot more people who write for entrepreneur or who have big distribution who are not, you know, that they haven't been able to do the same thing. So that's, that's also true for sure.

Don't let that stop you.

Yeah.

Where can people find you?

Okay, you can find me. The best place is going to be Facebook and Instagram and of course YouTube. YouTube is definitely where all the long form interviews are, but then all the funny day to day stuff, comedy sketches, parody videos on Facebook or Instagram and all of those, you can just look up the Kelsey show.

You'll find me the Kelsey Show. I love that. Thank you, Kelsey. You are awesome.

And the big thing that I'm working on, you asked, was is the audio podcast. So you can also find me on your favorite podcast provider as well. And we just recently overhauled my podcast to not just include interviews, but they also include the audio from all my other funny stuff. And it's in chronological order so you can go back and listen from the very first video I did on January 1, 2015, where I was like, hi guys, I think I might start a talk show all the way to. We're putting out about five a week to get us caught up to 2018. We're already through all of the first two years, but it's chronological. It's pretty cool. It's funny and motivating. So if you like podcasts, which if you're listening to this, you probably do, that's a good place as well.

Highly suggest it. Thank you so much, Kelsey.

Yeah, thank you. This was so fun.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful. Helpful so others can join in and don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review, I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over on Instagram at Natalie Jill Fit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.