011: Persistence In The Face of Failure with Lori Harder

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Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and Creating Everything from Nothing Growing up in a tiny town of Michigan, Lori Harder was an overweight kid, overweight family, bad genetics is what she believed she had. She was teased in elementary school about her weight and her religion and that led her into anxiety and panic attacks. After picking up a fitness magazine one day, her whole world shifted. She wanted to be like those women. They look strong, confident and powerful. Lori recalls begging her mom to buy her more fitness magazines. As she devoured those, she shifted her focus to fitness. Not only did her body improve, but she started to feel strong and in control and a new, creative, confident Lori started to emerge. A fire was lit that got her thinking about new possibilities for her life. Now, as a successful author and entrepreneur running two seven figure businesses, Lori Harder truly knows how to create her own happy and it is her mission to share this with others. On this episode, Lori shares how she uses visualization to create new realities no matter how grim a situation is, how she unapologetically goes about her goals and is able to manifest and create everything that she wants, how she uses the pain of her past as her current driver, the tricks she continues to use to overcome panic attacks, how she was turned down by 21 publishers before getting the deal that she visualized why she now has a great relationship with failures and the morning mantra that fuels her success. Listen in to learn how Laurie levels up and creates everything from nothing. I'm so excited because I get a focused conversation with my friend and ultimate success, Lori Harder, who I'm so glad I got to meet you Lori. Before everyone wanted a piece of Lori. So thank you so much for being here. I'm so excited to interview you today.

Natalie. I'm so excited to be here and I'm so happy you're doing this because honestly, it's just to have a full hour conversation together and have it be content. How awesome is that? Yay.

Yay Lori, I know you as the fun goofy Lori. In addition to this mega success that you've become this best selling author, just all these incredible things that you've done and I know so Many people will look at your social media or your book and they see you as this incredible success. But I know that it wasn't always that way for you. And I love to hear and share with my audience what it was like before you were such a success.

Oh, my God. It's always so weird to hear that. And I'm sure it's weird for you to hear it, too, because you just know. You know who you are and you know where you came from. We should make up a day that, like, every Wednesday we have to throw in, like, an old school terrible picture or like something from our past just to let people know what that journey actually looks like. Because I think it is easy to look at, you know, everyone's journey and say, oh, my God, they could have never, ever struggled. But now, especially now, Natalie, I know that you know this too. The more that you. You interview people and talk to people, the people who have the most success typically are the ones who came from the most challenging backgrounds or just something completely opposite of where they're at right now.

Yeah.

So it has not always been that way at all for me. I come from a really small town in Upper Michigan, and my whole life, I heard my family talk about how we had terrible genetics. Like, it was just, we had awful genetics. I actually heard this phrase over and over again that, we're fat. It's coming for you. Just wait. And I was like, oh, my God, is this true? I just thought, well, this is it. This is my life. I'm going to struggle with my weight my whole life. And there was something in my teenage years as well that just got me really to thinking. I was an avid reader of fitness magazines, and I was like, wait a minute. The woman on this cover says that she eats all these vegetables and chicken and does all these workouts. And I'm like, I'm sorry, but we are not doing this. I'm having three plates of spaghetti, and then I'm having two or three desserts at night. It was just this clicking moment of I am not doing the things that fit people are doing. So really looking at how about what happens when we really dig deep and research what successful or fit people or happy people are doing? Because there is a method. But before that, I didn't want to look at it because I didn't want to take ownership and I didn't want to take responsibility because all of my joy was coming from time with my family. That's what my tribe did. We ate, we connected over food. We cooked food, we baked. Food. My mom's maiden name was Baker. It's literally in our blood to do that. That's really when I started pivoting into fitness. But along with the whole being more isolated, living in a smaller town, I was also raised in a really restrictive religion where I could only associate with people who were in my congregation. And at the time, because I was in such a small town, there were only, like, two other girls around my age. So I wasn't really getting exposed to a lot in the world whatsoever. And I was homeschooled through high school as well. So just a really small bubble of having this bizarre dream inside of me to want to help people, or just this fear feeling that something was supposed to be bigger in my life or that I was supposed to make an impact. Except I'm only allowed to hang around a few people. I don't really know what's going on in the world. I have everything going against me as far as beliefs and what people think is possible. That was really where I started to disconnect a little bit. This is the tough part for people to hear, and this is actually still a tough thing for me to share, is that sometimes when you. Not sometimes, all times when you are choosing to go against the grain or choosing to step into the person that you know that you are and your environment and the people that you hang around do not reflect that. You have to start choosing to look for people who are along the mindset of where you want to go. And you have to start removing yourself from the environment that is encouraging or reinforcing the current beliefs that you want to transcend.

That's pretty powerful. And you're right, a lot of people don't bring that part up. But that is a theme. It's true.

Oh, my God. And, you know, I think I realized this in my teenage years. And unfortunately, this is the part of the story where not everyone loves it is because I started to isolate myself a bit from my family. But because every time I would go on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, when I want to go eat, I want to keep eating healthy because I feel better. I can actually hear my soul. I don't feel depressed. The sugar's not overwhelming in my body. I don't want to take naps all day. This is how I felt as a teenager. It's depressed, lethargic, because I was eating with them every night. It was, let's watch tv, let's eat, let's sit down. Instead, it was like, I want a salad. I want to just go be outside. I Want to rollerblade? I want to walk. I started doing so much alone because like I said, I didn't have a lot of friends at the time. So I would go work out alone, I'd go listen to music alone. I'd go journal in the woods alone. Because I was up, you know, we were way up north. And this is when I could start to hear really clearly what I was supposed to do. Just like keep going.

So let me. I have a few questions about this. So it sounds like you're growing up in a small town, somewhat isolated. You're told this self imposed stop, basically that like, hey, it's coming for you. Just wait. And you really are not aware of an outside world for the most part because it's isolated. Like you said, a small religion homeschooled all of this. But you had a, you had a vision. You didn't really know. Is that clear? Like you didn't really know what that was. You just knew you were meant for bigger things. Yeah, what, how even, how did fitness even come into the realm? Like how, where were you exposed to those magazines or did you meet somebody or what came about that, that even came into your world?

Well, you know, with the whole idea of bad genetics, it also came with my. I had an older sister who is four years older than me, and my family was constantly dieting. That's kind of where the idea of we have bad genetics is, because it was crash dieting. So, you know, we'd be on a diet for one week and then the weekend it would just be like, that didn't work. And then we'd do it again maybe two weeks later. And my sister had started exercising and she had so funny. I remember exactly what they were like Cindy Crawford workout videos and then like another Kelly Robbins or something step video. And I started doing these workout videos with her because she would get on these trends of doing them for like a month and then go totally off for a long time and then doing it for a month. And I started to be consistent with it. And that was, it was when I was consistent, is when I started to feel good. And I was like, wait a minute, I didn't even know I could feel good. And I would notice that even parts of my personality that I enjoyed being and living in would start to come out more. So it's like I was fun to be around. I had more energy, I had more enthusiasm. I wanted to create things, I wanted to help people, I wanted to do things. And I was like, wow, this is all coming from just on the days that I move my body, I noticed that I think better. I don't feel sad or depressed. So that was a huge light bulb moment for me of, okay, if you just put in the time moving your body every day, you're going to feel different. And that's really what I leaned on and what I started to prove to myself over and over. And I thought, if this is working for me, this will work for other people. And I remember trying to really get this point across to my family. But you can't help people who aren't ready to be helped, who don't want to do that yet, and who are so connected to their environment that they're not willing to start stepping out of it.

So would you say your first vision was really to become healthier and start taking these steps towards empowerment? Was that like your initial vision into something else?

Yes. You know what? I always say that, like, my fitness was my carrot for me. Like, be unapologetic about your carrot, because no matter what you want, whether that was, you know, if I wanted to start competing in fitness competitions, which now I'm like, really? I wanted to stand on the stage in a bikini. But to me at the time, that was important, and it was leading me somewhere else so much bigger that I didn't know. So fitness was definitely my first carrot. And to be totally honest, as a teenager, it was like, I wanted to feel good, I wanted to look fit, I wanted to not be made fun of because my sister was made fun of. I was made fun of when I was younger. So in the beginning, it was to just think that if I was fit, that I wouldn't get made fun of anymore. And of course, in my young teenage mind, I thought that if I was fit, I would be popular, I would be loved, I would be liked. And on that journey into fitness, even though that may have been the carrot and the thought around fitness, what ended up happening is kind of this spiritual, spiritual awakening of, wait a minute. On the road to what I thought was one thing really is completely different.

Okay, so I'm curious right now, because a lot of times being made fun of or being told what you're not paralyzes people, and they stop. They don't make that jump to, okay, I'm going to be empowered and do this. How did that happen for you? Because you made this translation like, okay, I don't want to be made fun of. This doesn't feel good. So now you didn't just stop at, if I was fit, they wouldn't. You you became fit, you started living it. So how did that happen? Because I think a lot of people get stuck on the. They accept what they're made fun of about.

I. Looking back at my journey, I can tell you I had so many moments and days of throwing in the towel. Like I had my I give up moments, except I always went back. So I think it's part of the journey of feeling like you're throwing in the towel. But then I've always had this innate thing which can be adopted. So I think that people can start practicing it. And it's been to. And I think it's because it's been in front of my face of seeing what life continued on the path of quitting or giving up or accepting what is in this matter. If it's not making me happy, what it will bring. So I've always been really aware that if I continue to eat a certain way, or if I continue to not move, or if I continue to think negative thoughts, you know, I'm able to see what's going to happen because I can look at. I was able to look at how my family felt. I was able to look at people's habits who were in that. And they were miserable. They weren't happy. They didn't have the people they want around them. They were getting diabetes. They were having heart attacks. They were. I was like this. This is what happens when you live this way and you think this way and you believe this way. So I went completely opposite, because all I knew is that the results of making those types of decisions equaled this. And what I was reading, the results of making totally opposite decisions would equal fitness or success or some form of happiness. It didn't mean you wouldn't have problems. It just meant that you would actually have some of the rewards that you were after. So I allow myself, even now, even now, I allow myself to say, okay, if you quit this, are you ready to accept and live this life over here, or are you willing to push through to get that reward? Is it worth it for you?

I love this, Lori. This is so. I mean, I got goosebumps listening to you say that. Because. Because I think people get so stuck on the vision, which is great, you want to have your vision, but then also that moment of comfort right now. But people don't really take that path down that pain. And that's what you're outlining right now, is that you really. You took yourself through visualizing the opposite, too. So I have this where I want to go, but if I don't this is what's going to happen. And that means this, and then that means this. And that's incredible because that pain sounds like it's really what has fueled your passion is not having to experience it.

Honestly, this is an interesting topic because some people have said things to me like, well, isn't it negative to be so motivated by pain? And I'm thinking, well, have you ever been in that much pain? Because if you have, you would know that you will do whatever it takes to stay out of it. And I think it's one of the biggest. I actually think pain is a gift because it is the biggest motivator. Because if we didn't have it, why in the world would we ever act opposite? Like, I even think, you know, following it's the same thing as we feel pain when we touch a hot stove. So it says, hey, maybe don't touch the hot stove again. So if you eat a bunch of sugar and you're depressed, the next day, that emotion of depression is there to tell you, hey, maybe don't eat four bags of gummy worms. Maybe choose something else. So our emotions and our feelings are indicators of doing how we should do the opposite, or really saying, hey, this is a red flag. Except we live in a world now where I think that if I wanted not. I think I know that if I wanted to, you know, feel bad about something or get people on my side about something or say that. And I'm not saying people, some people do not need medication or aren't clinically depressed, because I know plenty of people who medication has actually helped in a huge way. But if I wanted to right now, in this very moment, say, you know, I'm getting older, I feel depressed when I eat this or that or whatnot, because I went through a whole phase in my 20s where I was like, I think I'm depressed. And I was thinking all these negative thoughts, and I was hanging around all these negative people, and I actually went to the doctor and I ended up telling them this, that I have anxiety and I'm depressed. And I was like, I need a therapist. And they're like, no, you just need these pills. And that was a whole other route of really looking at, wow. If I am not my own advocate, and if I don't choose to believe something, and if I don't choose to know that I am always the one who is creating any given experience or emotion or idea, then the world is going to tell me the easy route out, or the world is going to reflect back something that probably isn't helpful for me. So that was a huge eye opening moment for me too, is that I am always, always creating and choosing my path and what I believe and the world will reflect back whatever I choose to see.

What did you have to stop believing about yourself to be able to work towards this?

That I have anxiety and that I'm a nervous person because I struggled. I would say looking back, my biggest struggle was with panic attacks and anxiety and always thinking that that was going to hold me back because I watched my mom have panic attacks and. And when I was about 14 years old, when I really realized what they were when I saw her have one. She had one actually in a grocery store right after she had my brother because I didn't know she was also dealing with postpartum depression undiagnosed at the time. And now we talk about it and she's like, oh my God, I had no idea what was even going on in my life. I don't even remember much from it. And so for me to watch your mom go from one way to another way and then see that I saw her have this massive panic attack and my brain went, you have panic attacks too. And it was like that week, that next week in school basically that I had a panic attack as well. And from there it was these, this self inflicted. But I couldn't get rid of it. It was more real to me than, I mean like looking down and pinching myself. It was like, this is real. I have these, this is now who I am. And everything that I did, whenever I was wanted to do something in public, whenever I would start, it would even start coming in when I would. Even if there was like a small group of people and the attention was on, all of a sudden I would feel my heart rate go up. I would start getting nervous, I wouldn't be able to speak, like, I would start getting dizzy. So this was something that I dealt with, which is one of the biggest reasons actually I started doing bikini competitions, is because I was like, if I don't start confronting this, I'm going to be in a padded room. And I really believed that. So I had to stop believing that anxiety had a grip on me and I had to start saying that I anxiety. Like I do it by thinking it, I do it by believing that I have it. I do it by like allowing myself to not ride the wave. And I had to start allowing myself to feel it and just move through it. And I still feel this. Literally, I still feel anxiety, but I know how to. I still Feel like a panic attack is coming on before I speak. But I now know that if I allow those emotions to just move through because it's an emotion, it won't last forever. If I let it kind of like be a wave and wash over me, it's gonna have its super intense moment when you are like in the eye of the storm. And then eventually if you let go, like, it's gonna just kind of wash away.

So how so you know when you know it's coming over right now, like you're about to speak, you're at your book launch, Whatever it is. What do you tell yourself right now when it's coming? I mean, you said you feel it, but what do you say? Okay, it's here. I recognize it. Like, do you actually talk out loud about it? Do you tell somebody what's the process that happens? Because I think a lot of people listening will probably relate to this and they do let it consume them.

Yeah, I have a lot of tricks on this, so I'm going to try to be semi brief. But I'm telling you, these are great tricks. Okay, so I meditate beforehand for a while and I just see myself on stage, I see how I want it to go. I say a prayer and I literally just ask to be the channel. And whatever happens happens. I literally surrender. I'm like, if you want me to follow on my face or pass out, I'm okay with that because it's going to be a lesson that someone has to learn. Like, I accept if something like that happens. And I think that's one of the biggest things. Like people are like, oh, hell no. I don't want to accept that. But once you accept that, that's the worst case scenario. So you're like, okay, if that happens, it happens, big deal. And then you're going to pop out on the other side. So I do the meditation, I say a prayer, I'm like, okay, I accept whatever comes. But I would like to be, you know, the vessel. I want to be the channel for this message. I know, this is why I'm here. Whatever. Just really picture knowing that you really are there to relay a message and just help people, like take the pressure off of yourself. I think that's been really huge for me is that this is not all about me. And I know so many people hear that and they're like, yeah, blah, blah, blah. But that doesn't really help me right now. But really it's not all about you. You're gonna get up there and the people aren't really looking at you, they're waiting for you to say something just that they resonate with, waiting to see you as a human. So to be honest, if you pass out or threw up, it might be the perfect thing for somebody out there. You know what I'm saying? Like, I thought that before. I'm like, if I pass out or throw up, they'd be like, holy crap, she's human. That's amazing. I can do this because I could throw up as well. But I think that's the most beautiful thing that we can do is connect on that human level. So then another thing that I do is I have tricks when I'm on stage. Like, I'm not just going to go out there and not have a plan if I go out there. And I know that the most intense time for me for anxiety is right in the beginning. Like the first two to five minutes is when I feel that massive rush when I'm like, oh my God, am I going to make it where the breath just. I'm like, I don't know, I'm getting dizzy. So I have a few things that I do. I get really planted on there. I take a minute, I breathe when I'm on stage, when I first get up there, and then I always pass it off to the audience. So I start with enrolling questions. No matter what I'm doing, I try to connect with them immediately so that right away I either put everything on them and I get a second to breathe and get grounded where they're either raising their hand or I'll do a quick meditation or I'll do something where they get really present in the room, like, close your eyes. Let's just really drop in, see where we're at. That is always for me, like, as great as it is for you, that is like totally for me. So you have to learn things that will allow you to feel supported. So I will always support myself in the beginning. Even when I'm like, no, I'm good. I always have a backup plan of, well, okay, if you need more grounding, what will this look like? So that's always what I do when I speak.

I love that. And you just connected a dot for me. I think when I speak, I don't do that. I do almost, but it goes into my self imposed stop about ego or not wanting to appear better than I usually acknowledge the audience and tell them I feel that they're more, more qualified than me. And. And so I just connected that dot when you said that, that a lot of how we start. Our speaking is about setting us at ease.

Oh, my God. And I think. I love that you just shared that, because I think that the best speakers have a trick like that for themselves. And it's always about, if you're worried about something, take away the worry. If you're worried about something, take away the worry. So if you're worried about throwing up and you're kind of a beginning speaker, the funniest thing that you say and do is to relate to them and say, okay, I'm so excited to share this message with you, but to be honest with you, right now, I kind of feel like I might barf.

You're right.

Let's take a second, and let's gather our bearings together. And you know what I mean? And honestly, the second you say the weirdest thing happens, it's almost like it lifts, and you're like, it's not a big deal. You just called it out. So now you no longer have to worry about that, because you're like, you just made it funny, and you made it okay.

So for you, for panic attacks, you ground. You ground yourself first and foremost, and then second, it sounds like you really ground whoever is in the situation with you. So whether it's an audience or whatever's happening there. And then what happens? If you, like, what do you actually sit there and tell yourself, I am calm, I'm focused? Like, do you tell yourself the opposite of panic attacks? Or what's the conversation that goes on in your head?

You know, I tried that for years, and sometimes it's like, I think sometimes it can help calm you down, but I'm way better now that I've kind of learned to just say what it is, like, call it out. I'm like, okay, here it is. This happens all the time. This happens to. Oh, this is another huge one. I learned that this happens to amazing speakers all the time. So to know you're not alone, like, this is normal. So I tell myself, this is normal. It's just an emotion. It's going to wash away the second you're out there. It's. You know, you're gonna feel it. Of course you are. But it's going to start to dissipate. And one of my friends, Christine Hassler, actually, I did a session with her over this, because last year when I was doing this really big talk for 10,000 people, I was like, I don't think I'm. I don't think I can do it. And she was like, okay, let's really look at what these Nerves are like, what's an empowering thought? She's like, honestly, your nerves are. Nerves and anxiety are just basically all of the energy that you need for the talk coming in all at once. So it's like a shot, like, immediately, and it's gonna feel like this adrenaline shot that is overwhelming in the beginning, but it's gonna kind of calm down, and it's gonna sustain you. And I thought, well, dang. I mean, like, if it's an energy shot, I have so much energy then. And it's gonna sustain me, and it's just overwhelming at first, and then it's gonna carry me through the talk. Cause I'm telling you, you don't realize how much. I don't know if you've ever been tired before. You've given a talk, and you're like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. You almost pray for energy like that because you're like, it takes so much to get up there and be, like, 100%, well, 110% on your a game for that long. So now I'm almost looking at it, like, ooh, okay, this is my shot to get through this in the most connected, powerful, grounded way. It's just gonna be really intense at first. It's like getting up on a surfboard.

That's super powerful.

Yeah. So that really shifted me, that. That perspective.

Yeah, no, that's super helpful, and I'm sure a lot of people listening can really relate to that. I mean, it's. That's super value. That's really valuable. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, another question I have for you is, would you. Can you remember a moment when you. You realize that. How successful you are? I mean, literally, like, you're so successful right now. Was there a moment where you're like, holy. How. How did this happen? Like, look where I'm at. Or do you still. When was that?

No, it's a lot of moments. I'm. I. I try really hard now to recognize every moment that comes that I had once meditated on, prayed for, or imagined. And this. It, like, just brought tears to my eyes because I've had so many beautiful moments where. Because in the last two years, I've tried to really, really get grateful for that. Three years, actually. So I thought of one just now that was fairly recent where I really. For my book deal. Book deals are not easy. And everyone in my life was telling me how hard it is to get a good book deal and if it's even worth it, and, oh, my God. This is such a challenge. And who knows if you'll even get accepted by anyone? And my book had been submitted to 22 publishers, and I got turned down by 21 publishers. Wow.

I did not know this.

And so I was just kind of like, okay, like, staying in faith and, like, but, you know, having moments of, oh, my God, I'm never good. This is never going to happen for me. And then when it finally got accepted, I remember thinking, I want X number for this deal. Like, this number would make me so happy. And I went on a run, and I saw it, and I saw it and I felt it, and I imagined, like, what it would be like when it happened. And so funny. I went into a lash appointment because that's like an eyelash extension appointment. Because I was like, okay, I'm supposed to find out this afternoon. Maybe I'll know when I come out of it. So if you've ever had your lashes done, it's like two hours on your back of, like, sheer. Just, like, you need to just be, like, still. Okay.

The opposite of what works for my body.

So just. You're seeing it. This is happening. This is great. Well, you know, there's that fear in the back of my mind of, like, what if this doesn't happen? What if you don't get a good number? Are you gonna take it? Is this even worth it? And then I was like, you know, just release it, whatever. And so I went up to my car and I saw that I had this email, and I knew what the email was, and I was like, I'm just gonna wait to get in my car and read this. And I had no idea what the number would be. And the number was the exact, like, exact number that I wanted. And I just. I allowed myself to, like. I put my phone down and I just sobbed. And I. Like, it wasn't about the number in that moment, swear to God, it was about, this is real. Like, this little girl from Upper Michigan can manifest and create and has gone through everything that she's gone through. Yes, I speak in the third person sometimes. And that actually really helps me in order to get to this space of understanding how powerful she is. And when I say how powerful she is, you guys, we are all so powerful. And it's just the lack of realization of our power that is stopping us. And when we realize it, when we can really accept it, when we can get. Because sometimes accepting our power is really intimidating because that would mean maybe some people not saying, you're humble, or maybe it's not nice to say where you're at or brag or actually say what you're good at, or share your gifts in a really big way, or speak out or help in the way that you know you're meant to, or speak up at a table full of people who intimidate you even though you have an amazing idea. Or step up and say, oh, my God, I'm worthy to speak on that stage with them. Here's what I have to offer. Like, owning your power is one of the scariest things we can do, but it's why we're here. And I think that that was a moment of just complete, like, wow, I can't believe that this is happening. And I created this. And that felt like success to me because it felt like owning who I was put on the planet to be.

You know, it's amazing, Lori, with everybody I've interviewed, it the common theme of visualizing and manifesting and taking ownership to create. It's interesting because people that are not having success in their lives right now, there's a theme sometimes of the opposite, where there's this. They're. They're stuck in that victim mode. Where I hear this with every interview where someone's achieved success, they say that power of visualizing and manifesting and creating. So it's really. I'm seeing how powerful it is.

It's been everything for me. And you know what's funny is the last, I'd say, throughout the book, you know what happens when you have a book, Natalie? It's like everything kind of goes to the wayside, including some of your really great habits. So I have not been visualizing, oh, my God, probably 10% of what I used to do. And I've been feeling really lost lately. Like, I'm kind of like, okay, here's the book. And, you know, I'm enjoying myself. I really took, like, two months to kind of, like, relax and recharge, which was one of the most important things I can do. So, honestly, feeling lost is okay. I think that feeling lost sometimes is a really beautiful place to be because it also reconnects you to pretty much how everyone else in the world is feeling. And it can also gain so much insight and perspective. So I have gained that. But I'm coming out of those two months of going, okay, I'm ready to have a vision again. Okay, well, what do I do to have a vision? Because, you know, we all know that those without. I love that those without vision will perish. That scripture. And also just having. Not having a vision, you're not motivated and you're not inspired. So I'm like, okay, I want to have a vision again. Okay, what does that mean, to have a vision? That means to create it. So that means how do I create it? I create it daily. I create it in a 10 minute space every morning or a 5 minute space. So I don't know what my next vision is yet. But this morning I spent a little time on it. Yesterday I did. And I'm just starting with, what would a perfect week look like? Like a daydream week. Like, what? How am I working out? Who am I spending time with? What exactly does my work look like? Like, what am I finding the most joy in? So I'm. I feel like I'm at square one again. Painting. Painting my vision. So I'm just kind of like letting myself have grace over not having some grand vision right now and not being super inspired. And that's okay too, because I know it will come.

Yeah. Yeah. Lori, do you ever worry about what other people think?

Not as much, but. Oh, this is such a random answer. Not as much, but sometimes it depends.

On what does that mean.

Okay, what does that mean? Let me use an example here. I'm less worried about, like, so I used to worry a lot when I would do public speaking. I don't worry as much anymore about putting programs out there or podcasts or anything like that because to me, I feel like I'm speaking to my audience is consuming that. My audience, people who come for me, they know who I am because I'm pretty much out there now. Like, you pretty much know my message. It's when I go and speak to an audience that is not used to my message or an audience that's not mine that I can get in my head over not believing I'm valuable. So I'll share. I went and spoke that. It's that same event where I spoke in front of 10,000 people where I was either 80, it was either 75, 80, or 90% men. It was like, all I could see was like suits.

Yeah.

So I started to, you know, and I knew this going into it. And that's when I started to worry about what other people think. I was like, my God, is my message even valuable to these guys? Are they gonna be like, oh, this is super woo woo. And then I had to get into this state of, why are you, why are you thinking this? Like, these are all human. So I had to start really going back to also my worth in questioning, like, why am I thinking this? And to Be honest with you, I still don't have a super clear answer on that, but that was such a beautiful experience for me to go through the serious pain and worry of, what are they going to think of this message? Is this even valuable? And it turned out to be extremely valuable.

Yeah. I'm glad that I asked you that and that you share that, because I look at you as somebody who is so solid in who you are, that it's not an attitude of, like, I don't care what people think, but it shows this that you're very confident in who you are. It's just like, I understand. I go to the example that when your hair is blonde now, and at one point it was dark, and you've shared with me that some people make comments like, I liked it better dark. And you don't even. It doesn't even phase you. You're just, this is who I am. And I think it's powerful that you've been able to do that, because I do think some people do get really caught up in what other people think or what they expect of me.

I just. I'm so much happier making myself happy instead of making other people happy. So whenever that happens, like, if I get something in my inbox that really makes me question something that I've done or a way that I've shown up or even something that I've worn or maybe, I mean, I don't care. Women say the craziest things from, oh, my God, you put so much filler in your face or Botox or lip filler that you look like a hideous animal. They just say crazy things and things that make you go, oh, my God, really? Just look at your decisions or how you're putting yourself out there to even what we're wearing. And that's crazy as a woman especially. I can't even imagine what it's like as a mother. Just different judgments like that. But at the end of the day, I literally just say, okay, so if there was no one else out in the world, would I still want to do this? Would I still enjoy this? Does this actually make me just happier? More free to be me, More free to move around the world in the way that I want to? And if that's a yes, I'm like, then I don't care. Then that's their projection and it doesn't even matter. So it's like a release button. Like, it's just. It's literally like I feel like I have a red button in my brain that I press that I'M like, release. Because it doesn't. It's. It's not ever you.

Yeah, okay, Lori, I know you've had, at some point in your life, you had to have had a failure. So what do you tell me about failures and if you could think of a maybe the biggest one you've had?

Okay, so I have a really great relationship with the word failure now because I made myself have a great relationship with it. But I did say not before. But now I literally am like, okay, well, I've never learned anything good from winning. Like, so, like, I haven't. I haven't ever gotten way better from winning. I've gotten better from the failures along the journey to winning. So now that I know that, I'm like, okay, if I've gotten better from the failures on the way to the journey of winning, it was the failures that got me there. So now I'm like, okay, so failures, as much as they suck and they hurt, man, I get the juiciest content from failure. So let me think about some major failures, because I honestly usually think of them as wins. Oh, see what I mean? I'm like, actually having trouble thinking about failures. I mean, I've put programs out where I'm like, are you kidding me? All of these different words were spelled wrong. Or we just put a video out for one of our. Chris and I had launched a new program and one of our editors did not catch, like, this huge part in there where we stopped. We stop and we're like, that sucked. Oh, my God. Like this huge, like, edit in this massive program that people paid a lot of money for. There's like this two minute edit of him and I saying how much we, like, sucked and that this was a spoof and, like, shake it again.

I love that it makes you real. Oh, my gosh. You just reminded me of one of my DVDs. I forgot to do a whole side of the workout and, well, we caught it in post editing and we couldn't reshoot the whole thing with a set. So we went through the. Can we mirror flip it? Can we do that? And we ended up just putting a big blooper sign on the actual DVD that says, don't skip the other side. Like, I did.

Honestly, I think that I haven't looked at them. So many are coming up now. Like, I've had podcasts like that too. I'm like, oh, don't worry, we'll just edit it out. No one will care. Whatever. And then we go on and talk for a while and that's like left in the podcast as well. Like so many times like that. And I don't know, I've just, man, there's been moments I've said stuff on stage that I'm like, did I really.

Just say these are little slip ups? But I want to know, has there been like a big failure like you, like where you lost a lot of money or Tell me that I want that too.

Oh, yeah, Okay. I just. Those are like, those are like, those.

Are little slip ups. They make you human.

Oh, big failures. Okay. Yeah. So let's talk about when I. Or when Chris and I had basically overspent all of our money when we were in our 20s because he worked in a finance company where he was really flying up the ranks really quickly, which also meant every time he would go up the ranks, he would get a raise. And so then as we were moving as well, because with his different job shifts and getting promotions, we would also move. So we'd buy this bigger and bigger and bigger house. And here we are at like, I'm like 26, 27 years old, he's in his early 30s, and we're in these massive five bedroom homes, like, massive. And spending so much money and all of a sudden the recession hits and we were living literally like paycheck to paycheck. So it doesn't. It's like way beyond our means. And the recession ends up hitting and he ends up taking. Well, he ends up losing his job, basically. He takes a. Not a demotion, a severance. And we have to get rid of our home. We move into a tiny one bedroom condo. We have to get rid of our house. We sell all of our stuff and we had to start over. And that was a huge moment of, you know, I'm making, I'm making it sound like, oh, yeah, we moved into this other thing, but it was life changing and identity shifting. I had to watch my husband go from the person that I thought he was to really thinking that he completely lost himself. Like he lost his identity for a while.

Yeah. How do you create from that space? My gosh. Because that is truly like when you, you guys did create everything from nothing in that point, how do you do that? Like, how do you bounce back and keep your heads up and be encouraged and create? When you don't have anything, what do you do?

You go through a phase of mourning and it was like, it was humbling. It was embarrassing. We both cried a lot. We were angry. You want to blame. And then all of a sudden the things that had shifted Us before we rooted into. And when I say shifted, I mean the things that gave us a solid foundation before we rooted so deeply back. So him and I, no matter what was happening, we knew that when we exercise and go on walks, especially together, that we get a lot of clarity. And when we listen to books together or when we really start surrounding ourselves with people with bigger ideas, better ideas, and really root into self development, things like that, that we feel better. So let me tell you, when everything is stripped away, it gets really clear on the things that are and that had either worked before or hadn't worked before. So him and I walked every day. Sometimes we'd walk like four hours until we got some clarity or felt better. And I remember him and I had gone around, we had lived out in this place called Blaine, but it had all of these lakes and we would just walk and walk and walk around all of these different small lakes until we got some clarity. And I remember us getting ideas and getting shifts and deciding matter what, we're going to be okay, we're going to get bigger than the problem. And that's really when that phrase came into our life was from those walks of saying, no matter what happens, we don't back down, we get bigger than the problem. So when you shift, when you have a shift like that in your consciousness of I'm not backing down, I'm no longer blaming, I'm not going to stop. You shift everything in your life to then how do I get bigger than the problems? Because you start asking better questions. So you can't ask, why does this happen? What now? That's not a good question. You're going to get a really crappy answer. You have to say something like, how do I get bigger than the problem? What is something I could do right now to start bringing in income? You have to ask better questions. And that's what we did every single day in our walks. It was like, okay, we're going straight for the bigger questions.

That is so good. That is, that's this. That was everything. Lori. My gosh, that's such a key. Because you're right, people think they're asking questions, but if they're stuck on why did this happen? Then we're still in victim mode.

Yes, totally. I love that go.

That is your quote, bigger than the problem. I love makes so much sense.

My gosh.

Okay, so now I've got questions about some of your habits because I know that's a big part of your life and your day too. Like I want to know how you Start your day, like, and how. The big thing is, how do you start your day and how do you end it? I'm curious about that. That routine.

So we have. It's a big thing for me because I'm not a person who wakes up happy every day. I'm just not. Not. It's.

You're not.

No, no. Oh, my God.

You have to earn your happy, I guess.

Oh, my God. That is what. That pod. That is what the name of that podcast is. That is. Why is it like, that's it. So every morning, like, Chris usually wakes up before me and he's like, I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, and more fit than I was yesterday. Like, that's been our mantra for I don't know how many years now. Maybe four or five, six, who knows? It's like every single morning. And I'm like, I don't say it yet. And he's like, you gotta say it. And I'm like, he's like, say it. So I end up having to say it, and I have to say it really obnoxious and happy. So I normally do it a bit sarcastic, but even that makes me, like, kind of shift into, like, being snarky, which is a better emotion than being depressed. So I say that, and then I say it a few times, actually. I get out of bed, I kind of drag myself downstairs and to the coffee pot, and then I go over and I just. I kind of just sit quiet for five minutes. Minutes and get present and try to say a prayer or just gratitude. And when I say a prayer, it's literally just like, thank you for today. Thank you for a healthy body. Thank you for what I get to do. And sometimes I'm not even mentally connected to it yet. Do you know what I mean? Like, you're just kind of going through the motions. But then I try to connect mentally a little bit. Like, okay, so let's drop in. And what would it feel like to be grateful right now? Like, what would it feel like to be happy about the things that you get to do, do? And then I typically read for about 5, 10 minutes. So whatever book I have by me, sometimes I'll do the same book. Sometimes I'll get a book. I really like books in the morning where you can just read a page. Do you know what I mean? Like, where it's just a lesson on a page or a short chapter. Those are my favorite kind of morning books that just kind of get you shifted out of the thoughts that you wake up with into inspired thoughts. So I find that when I listen to something or read something that was written by someone who is inspired, you're gonna get that, too. So that's typically my morning. Then sometimes I will. Well, right away we try to work out in the morning after that. But I do try to meditate and do a visualization in the morning, which.

I'm getting a couple questions about this because morning routines are so important. But I also know that in I first to raise my hand here, I'm guilty of this. I love having a morning routine. And I also wake up sometimes very anxious with like a million things that I have to react to. Right.

Yeah.

Does that happen to you and then you just. You kind of like, force yourself into the morning routine or have you trained yourself not even to have those thoughts or what happens there?

Oh, that used to be huge for me. And then Chris taught me a lot about you teach people how to treat you. So how this is going, this connects because I used to think I had to get in my inbox right away. I used to think I had to get into my emails, and I used to think I had to answer all the texts that were on my phone. And now that is so my time in the morning. If you don't protect some of your time, you'll never have any time. So to me, I've chosen to fiercely protect that time because it's important to me. Just to the rest of your day. I mean, once it starts for me, it's done. It's no longer completely mine unless I protect time, that's mine. So I've let go of thinking I have to respond back. And if I start responding back, you're teaching people that you're gonna respond, and if you don't respond back there, it's like, not a big deal. It's almost like you get put in this category of, oh, she doesn't respond right away.

Very true. And I. Like, as many years that I've known you, I've. I don't think I've ever gotten an instant response. And I've never cared. It's just. That's just you. I know I text you, it might be two days later, I always get a response, but it might be. It's on Lori time. And it's. That's great. And it's fine. You're right.

Do you do it? Yeah, my parents love it. But for real, because for some reason, it's not the person, it's the way that it's coming. It's through the phone. The phone does not control my timing. I always remember like your timing is the timing that you choose. And it's really like I always think now. And this is huge for me because I am a person who is so bad, I used to be so bad with time. And it's, you know, if you are constantly reacting to other or to the, to the external things that are coming in, you're never actually doing the things that will move your life forward. And the reason why you're here, like doing the things that are within your purpose because you're just responding. So how much of your life is spent responding rather than creating? And responding is not going to create a life that you, you love, but creating is going to create a life that you love. So really looking at how much am I responding during the day to calls, to texts, to emails, to messages, or how much am I in my connected zone, in my zone of genius and creating? Because that's what's going to move you forward. Yeah, the responding will, but it totally doesn't. Like, I don't care how many emails you did yesterday, I don't care if you did 300 emails yesterday, it probably didn't move you any closer to your happiness or towards your goal and it.

Probably adds 300 more emails because there's a continuation.

Exactly. So you're going to annoy some people, you're going to tick some people off and some people are going to take it personal. But the people who are meant to be in your life and the ones who do all the work right along with you, as far as not taking things personal, all of those things, they're going to stay, they're not going to. Because when it matters, you will be there for them and they will be there for you.

Oh my gosh. Okay, I have so many more questions, but I'm going to pick the most important ones because we're almost out of time. I got to know like who's in your circle and what type of people do you surround yourself with now?

You know, people who make me feel alive or who. And it's not all. So this is a great question. I love this question because I think that we need a lot of different people, a lot of different tribes in our life. So some people might think, oh my God, this person only hangs out with like really high levels people or business women who are crushing it or doing X, Y and Z or only has this many followers. Like, let's be real people say this, but to me, I have a lot of different facets that I know need to Be fulfilled. So for me, I have to hang around people who bring my funny out. So I don't care who that person is if it makes me feel like they are funny. And I am funny. I'm like, we're getting together more often. I don't care who you are because I need that part of my life to come, come out clearly.

I understand why you like my husband now.

I don't care who you are. I'm just kidding. So that is, that's huge for me. And then there's someone who will bring out play and adventure. So I definitely have a couple friends who I'm like, this woman brings. We don't have a whole lot of other things in common, like outside of this, but we are adventurous together. Like we will surf together and we'll do all these things and you know, in this area. So I try to make sure that I'm dancing within those areas, like when I am in business mode or when I'm in production mode or something like that. I need people around me who inspire me to run through a wall, who inspire me to think bigger, who inspire me to believe that I can make way more impact or way more money than I think is possible. So I kind of look at where I'm at in life and how do I need to support myself? Because ultimately I think that's what it's all about is where are you at? What do you need? How do you need to support yourself and how are you going to do that? So is it going to be with. Well, it's got to be with people. It's got to be with what you're thinking, consuming, reading, eating, everything like that. So I think the number one question we can ask ourselves is for where we want to go, how can we best support ourselves to get there? I love that.

Okay, final question. And it's something I ask everybody, but if you're talking to somebody that is in a rock bottom spot and it could be financial, it could be they lost their business business, their spouse left them that spot where they feel that they failed and they're in that mode because you've been there, we've all been there. If you were to give them three pieces of advice so they can start shifting away from that rock bottom spot so they can level up, what would that be?

The first thing I would say is that rock bottom is vital and important. And I think that it shows, it's actually bringing out your strength. And I always think of it in seasons, like we cannot always be harvesting. You have to Have a long winter season to rest the soil, to rejuvenate the soil and to. Then you have to have a season of planting where you put seeds in, but nothing is happening. Like, nothing is happening. And then as you're starting to come out, it's like you're going through growing pains. You're not sure what it's going to look like. You have to have full faith that there's going to be rainy days. And that's the whole thing is it's like accepting that rock bottom is it like needs a different word. It's a very important part of your journey. And I think that rock bottoms bring a new level. You cannot get to another level without hitting that place of winter. Like, without hitting that winter season. I think it's the rejuvenation and the burning away. I always think of like a phoenix. I literally have a phoenix tattooed on my arm. And until the next layer or level of new, bigger, brighter, brilliant phoenix can rise. The old one has to get totally burnt away, which means being in the fire and it's the heat, right? And we always try to escape it or dance around it, but you can't. You can't go to the next level without being completely burned away, like, burning away the old one. So, no, I think that is number one of a rock bottom is really viewing it completely different. Number two. Two, don't stay in the environment in, which makes you keep thinking about whatever the bad thought is that's keeping you at your rock bottom. So start to change up your environment, whether that is moving, a yoga class, a networking event, something every single week, if not every day. Just go every day. It's going to feel like you're going through the motions for way longer than you want. Sometimes it could be six months, a year, two years, where you're like, I'm just going through the month emotions. But there's so much happening in that time that you cannot see happening. Number three, start talking and hanging around people who've maybe been through it and are on the other side and who are in a different space than you because they're going to help you shift and climb your thoughts and ideas out of the way that you're thinking right now.

Well, that's fantastic. This was awesome, Laurie. I love this. Where can people find you? What are you working on next? Tell us about that.

People can find me@lori harder.com Otherwise, I'm always on Instagram. So it's just. I do. It's like if I'm checking one spot, that's the only spot I'm checking. And you know what? That's worked for me. So there you go. There's some advice. What am I working on now? I'm kind of in that blank space. I have a lot of speaking coming up, Natalie, that I'm excited about. But other than that, I'm gonna. I'm gonna ride this book for a while. Like I had this epiphany of I had the most fun on my book tour ever. So I'm gonna be doing around 2 of my book tour. I think we are going to. We are definitely going. Sorry. To Atlanta, Austin. And why can't I think of the Chicago, Atlanta, Austin, Chicago in November.

So Tribe Called Bliss. Her book is amazing, amazing, amazing. Everyone should read it. Where can they get your book? Bookstore, where else?

Yep, you can go to Amazon or you can go to a tribecalledbliss.com and you can get it there.

Fantastic. Thank you.

Lori, you're so amazing. You, like have been such an inspiration for me and also just one of the most giving, gracious friends who is all like you would bend over backwards for your friends and you do. So I'm so grateful for you and I can't wait for this. I can't wait for this part of your journey to come out because I just think that you're so awesome at it. Thank you.

Love you. Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable and come interact with me over on on Instagram at nataliejillfit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.