015: From Gang Member to Leading with Love with Preston Smiles

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. A thought leader in transformation and conscious media, Preston Smiles is fiercely creative and unique. Raised under very challenging circumstances as a child, Preston was labeled as learning disabled, hyperactive and even dyslexic. Smoking pot and joining gangs at the age of 11, Preston longed to belong. And then through a series of life altering tragedies, trauma and events, Preston was able to escape the trajectory he was on and rewrite his own story to by questioning everything and embracing that wounds are not our fault, but that healing is absolutely our responsibility. Please welcome today bestselling author Preston Smiles, who today is Disruptor, truth teller, urban mystic and hear how he levels up and created everything from nothing. I've got my friend Preston Smiles today and Preston is the most energetic, motivating individual I think I've known in my life. Preston, seriously, from the moment I met you, you just have this contagious energy about you that makes me want to do so much and be so much because of who you are. So thanks for joining me today, so much for being here.

Thank you freaking lutely. Let's do this.

Preston, you look like you have your stuff together. I mean, and you do have your stuff together. But you see you online, I see you leading your workshops and speaking and your videos and you're so confident together and so many amazing things about you. And I know that it wasn't always like that for you. I know that you, you have things from your past that you had to shift, how you were looking at those and who you were becoming. I'd love to know from you for my audience, like who you were before you were this giant success.

So, yes, I am super excited to be here. As far as that question goes, I want to start with a caveat, and that is I teach that there are four aspects to what it means to be human. One, we are biological beings. Two, we are social and historical beings, which means we were born into beliefs and interpretations. Three, we are linguistic beings, which means we build worlds with our language. And four, we are quantum beings, which is the God space, the Christ consciousness, the Buddha nature that which we're all still sort of guessing at. And I bring that into the space to say that I was always amazing. It was a conversation of unlearning. It was a conversation of subtracting some of the BS stories and wounds and traumas that I had been through in order to really stand in my power. And so when people come to me and they say, I want to become something, I say, it's not a matter of becoming. It's a matter of revealing.

Yes, I love that. I absolutely love that. And I want to. You have a childhood story that could have gone a very different direction, and you lived this proof of becoming versus being able to be something different versus just becoming and stepping into. I'd love to dive into that.

Absolutely. Yeah. From a very early age, my mother and father used to argue about whether I was regular or normal, whatever that means. And, of course, energetically, that probably had an effect on me. I don't remember too much of it, but my parents told me that they used to argue about it. And so eventually, I ended up going to elementary school. And I remember being tested before, and I remember, like, some things happening, but I didn't pay too much attention to it until one day I was at school and we were at recess playing kickball, and, you know, I was really popular and, like, you know, just a regular sort of American boy. And we went back to class, which was in the big building, and it was sort of well known that the retarded kids. And I'm only using that language because that's how we thought about it then. And, you know, 1980, freaking 9, it was well known that the retarded kids were in the bungalows and that the regular and normal kids were in the big building. And so I go back to class in the big building, and I'm in, you know, in class with my friends, and I remember seeing the principal and some other people at the door, and they come to tell the teacher, you know, we'd like to have Preston. And so I get up and walk over, and they say, no, go back and grab your stuff. You're coming with us. And so in my mind, I'm like, oh, my dad's picking me up or my mom's picking me up. The short day at school, you know, they introduce themselves, and they begin to walk me out of the building and down the steps. And I remember as we were walking across the blacktop towards the bungalows, in my head, as they were explaining to me that I was about to be in a new class in My head. I started sort of like going through this really just trauma where I'm going, wait a minute, am I retarded? Because they're walking me towards retarded kids class. Am I retarded? What does this mean about me? And I'm literally having this sort of crisis internally. But at this point, you know, in my life, seven, eight years old, I had learned through all of society, film, television, parents, environment, everybody, that big boys don't cry. And so I had already shut down those emo. I didn't even know how to access them at that point. And so instead of crying or instead of facing off with it or saying, hey, wait a minute, guys, what does this mean about me? I just was quiet, and they walked me in to the classroom. And I remember turning the corner and there was four mentally ill children playing with blocks and drooling on themselves. And my heart broke. Yeah, I, like, died a little bit in that moment. And I made up a story about myself, that I wasn't as smart as everyone else and I was dumb, that I was stupid, that I was less than. And that had a huge impact on my life.

I can imagine. So you're 7 or 8 years old, and you're the popular kid, you're the cool kid. You're not asking why. You start forming these beliefs about the self. How does that start affecting your friendships, your family life, your academics, everything.

Instantly, everything shifted. And I began to look at life from the lens of seeking everybody else's approval. And so what made it worse was that my friends didn't talk about it. So there was this sort of like, dirty secret, this shame around me, you know, them going to the regular class and me going to the quote unquote retarded kids class, which made it even worse and heavier. And so I began to befriend the nerds, bully the bullies. By the time I was 11, I joined a gang and I started smoking weed. And then when I was 15, I had something really, really big happen. Not that that wasn't big, but something took it to a whole nother level. So.

So before you tell me, the 15, so why. Why the gang in the weed? Was that. Was that an escape? Was that they were accepting you? What was that?

Yeah, it's all. It's all about that, right? We all have to go through rites of passing. Every single human on the planet is all unconsciously seeking the appro. Humans. And so we all want to belong. We all want to feel loved and liked and seen. And the gang, especially at that time, because we don't have a rites of passage for little boys when they're, you know, testosterone and all of these hormones and stuff are sort of peaking. We don't have a space for them to really understand who they are and what's coming through. And so gangs end up being that for little boys. And it was that for me. Of course, with the gang came smoking weed and all of the other stuff that came with that. And it was exciting, you know, I belonged. And it was, you know, a part of me felt like, like I was good enough there. Like it wasn't based on me taking some standardized test, you know, because the reality is I didn't have a standardized brain. You know, later in life, my mom and everybody explained to me that I tested as a genius, certain levels, and as a toddler on others. And instead of the, you know, LA Unified School District taking that and saying, well, this kid's a genius. Let's, let's, let's, let's take care of him. Let's, let's have that, help bring that out. Instead of doing that, they looked at the parts where I wasn't measuring up to the other kids and put me down. And so, you know, of course that spiraled. And like I said, I was in a gang and I was, you know, fighting and doing all kinds of stuff. And I want to share this little small story because it has a big, big impact on the rest of my life, even to this day. When I was 11, my dad caught me smoking. I thought I was going to get in trouble. I thought he was going to take my Nintendo. I thought he was going to whoop me. Because at that time, that's what was happening. They would take a belt and beat him. And instead of him doing any of that, he sat me down and he said, I want you for the next 24 hours to think about everybody, you know, who smokes weed. Think about the boys on the corner, think about some of your uncles. Think about the people you know, and ask yourself if you want their life. And I just want you to think about it. And he kind of just left me in the question. And so 24 hours goes by and I think about it and, you know, the answer was no, I didn't want their life. And so you said, listen, I have no problem with. We comes from, you know, the earth. However, you're a leader, and you're such a leader that if everybody else is going left, but something in you says you need to go right, you will do it. I know you were going to Be a little boy. I know you're going to do, you know, quote unquote, bad stuff. However, you are a leader. And he just poured into me, and then he didn't punish me. He didn't do anything.

Was that your first experience, Preston, of somebody, like, believing in you and speaking into your potential?

Yes. In a moment like that? Hell, yes. That was the first time. Now, my mom and my dad at other times had told me I was amazing and beautiful and smart and all those things, but I didn't believe them. That was the first time I believed it.

Well, because they. They said those things and you're here being put in this other class that you're thinking your parents obviously had something to do with. So it's mixed signals.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. It was. I mean, you know, the 80s 90s is a whole different ball game. And I don't fault them now, of course not, because it's been, you know, pure, pure magic. One of the reasons why I'm even able to articulate the way I am and speak on stages all over the world and lead thousands of people, you know, hundreds of thousands of people, is out of that wound of not being able to read like everybody else. Because in fact, I am also dyslexic. Out of that wound of not being able to read like everyone else, my brain and my. Another sort of tool was skill was formulated where I began to learn how to listen really well and speak what I was hearing. And so, yes, it. That wound actually became a gift for me, and it's been a gift in my life. I think that we all are unique emanations of the most High, whatever that means to you. Buddha, Allah, Jesus, Krishna, Source energy, whatever that means to you. We are all unique emanations of the most high. And it is our duty, in my opinion, to get out of our own way and give our gift. And our gifts are sometimes formulated out of the wounds that we experience childhood and in later on in life. And, you know, one of the quotes that I live by is, if you make room for your gifts, your gifts will make room for you.

Oh, I like that. Yeah, that's great.

That's been, you know, the story of my life, really.

So you mentioned something happened at age 15. What happened?

Yeah, some friends and I used to do these things called run outs, where we would go to a liquor store. I was 15, my friends were 16 and 17. And we would hop in my friend Rudy's blue Astro van. Chevy Astro van. And we would drive to liquor stores and pretend like we were 21, and grab the alcohol, walk up to the counter, and then run out as fast as we possibly.

So without paying. Or you would see, but you'd go up to the counter. So what was that? What was going on there? So you're gonna act like you're gonna pay, and then you just took off.

Exactly. That's the whole point. Because if you just run from grabbing the liquor, then they can shoot you or hit you or close the doors. But if you pretend like you're going to pay, okay, where you pay is usually right next to the door. Nine out of ten.

Okay?

So it was like an acting job and exciting and scary, and then we got alcohol out of it and all of that stuff. And so we used to do that pretty much every, like, three times a week without consequences.

Nobody would catch you. Nobody would chase you.

They would chase us. They would throw things at us, but no one. We never got caught. And so, you know, you're 15, 16. Once again, little boys without direction will always, you know, default to things like that. And one particular night, my buddy Scott called me and said, yo, we're going out. Kick it. And it was the night before that I was in that. In that van and the night before that and the night before that and the night before that. But this was the first time I understood intuition and something said, don't go. And you know what flashed in my head?

What?

The conversation at 11 years old when my dad said, you're a leader, and if everybody else is going left, but if something internally says you need to go right, then you will do it no matter what.

I just got chills. I mean, that is so powerful, what your dad said. And then that. It's coming back to you in that time.

Yeah. And so my buddy's like, yo, you coming out? I'm like, nah, I'm a chill. And he's like, what, you gonna be a bitch? Like, yeah, I'm be a bitch tonight, my man. Well, we'll get up tomorrow. It's like, all right. Hung up the phone. This is my best friend, literally, with him the day before and the day before and the day before. And so we hung up the phone, and within one hour, every single person in that blue Astro van was shot. And my best friend Scott, was shot in the head and died immediately.

Wow, Preston. Wow.

And of course, at 15, everything became real. I didn't even understand how to process that. I had. I went through, you know, many stages of survivor's guilt. Why me? Why am I still here? What? Like, how does that even make sense that I said no? And then everybody got shot. And then there's the part where Scott and I used to fight over the front seat. Did you used to do that as a kid?

Of course. Shotgun. Yes.

Shotgun, yeah. So him and I would have all of these rules about shotgun. And because I didn't go, he sat in the front seat and they pulled up next to a disgruntled gentleman who had just gotten broken up with his girlfriend, and he happened to have an Uzi in his lap. And my friend, being a 16 year old kid, looked at him and the guy said, what are you looking at? And Scott said, I'm looking at you, bitch. And the dude turned, Scott turned back, and I got out of his car and shot everyone.

Holy cow. So this doesn't have anything to do with even robbing the liquor store? Anything. They're just in a car and there's a. There's a road rage happening? Basically, yeah.

They were just pulled up at a liquor store, going to do what we usually do, but they hadn't even got out of the car yet.

And these are your best friends? This is all, you know, these are the people that have accepted you?

Yep. Everybody shot.

Wow. So what did you decide about yourself now? I mean, this is like, now. Now you've got questions about who you're choosing as friends and why you. Like you said, survivor's guilt and what. What happens next? What. What do you. How do you even go on from something like that?

Yeah, that. That actually was. You know, there is something in my opinion, that is moving ahead of all of us. And, you know, the moment we say yes to life, we also say yes to death. We also say yes to leaving this planet at some point. And it would be really awesome if we all left when we were 111 years old in our bed, laying next to our loved ones. Yeah.

Peaceful. No pain. Right.

However, not everybody has that dharma. And so my friends get shot and killed, and I get so scared that I asked my dad, can I leave? And he said, what do you mean? Can you leave? I said, I don't. I can't live in California. I'm afraid it's gonna happen to me. I had, you know, this is trauma.

This is huge trauma.

Trauma. Right. And I didn't even know how to cry at that point because now I'm 15 with the big boys don't cry thing. And so I'm not even allowing myself to experience the grieving or the pain that somebody would feel if anyone who they knew was killed on A day that they said they weren't going. Wow. And so my dad said, okay, give me a couple weeks. And two weeks later, I was on a plane to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I got. I got off the plane. This is before social media. I got off the plane. There was a sign with my name on it. There was a woman named Shirley Russell, my dad's high school sweetheart. She took me in, she became my mom. She actually sat next to my mom during my wedding, marrying Alexi. She's my mom. I just took her to London with her and my biological mom a couple months ago. So Shirley takes me in. She's never met me before. I've never met her. I move in with her. She just happens to live within North Allegheny High, which North Allegheny county, which is one of the richest counties in Pennsylvania. And so that means I can go to North Allegheny High School, which is basically like going to a private school. It is deeply funded and where all the sort of really wealthy people go. And so, first day of school, we pull up in her beat up white Nissan Sintra. And as we're pulling in, I see nothing but BMWs and Mercedes. And I see this turf football field and this beautiful state of the art building. And like, I just came from a school where there was no books, where we didn't have lockers, where there was like. It was like the opposite. Right. And I'm not sure of you. You probably have seen the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Oh, yeah.

But that's. I lived that life in reverse. So he came from Philadelphia, West Philadelphia to California. And I left California and went to Pennsylvania, which is also Philadelphia is within Pennsylvania. And so, yeah, I pull up and I'm walking through the hallway and I notice that everybody in class are looking out of like, the little window that's in the door, and they're sort of like yelling and like, oh, my God, look, look. And everybody's going, look, look. And they're. I'm walking through the hallway, going to check in. In the office. And so I'm noticing that everybody's staring at me. I'm like, okay, what is going on here? So I get in the office and she says, oh, you're gonna be in this class. This class, you know, and then. And then she's like, do you have any questions for me? I said, well, yeah, ma', am, I do have a question. Yeah. Said, is there anyone else in this school that happens to. To look like me? And she went black. Well, no, you're the only black person in this whole school.

Great.

And so instantly, I became the most popular person. There's like 1500 people in the school. I'm the only black male in the whole school. And they. Within a few weeks, I joined a new gang called Wexford Mafia, which was a bunch of rich white kids with. And I remember. And this is the end of the story, really, the beginning of the story, but I'm going to end it here. I had this particular moment that really just changed my life forever. We were headed to a party, and my kids, this kid Brad's BMW, and everybody was drinking and smoking weed. We all had 40s, and they were rolling the blunt and passing it around. And I didn't smoke at that point, but I was drinking. I was in the backseat. And this kid's. We're in his BMW and he's got the seat laid back basically in my lap. I mean, you remember that, like, how he was to drive? Like, they were so cool that he would have the seat all the way back.

I still drive like that. Preston.

Awesome. So he's got the seat all the way back, and we're listening to Tupac and Biggie, and then. And then outkast, Wheels of Steel comes on, and it's like the wheels of steel and they're passing these blunts around, and I have this 40 in my lap. And I have this moment that changes my life forever because I realized that the kids at my former school were smoking weed, drinking, listening to outkast, Tupac and Biggie. And the kids at my new school were smoking weed, drinking, listening to outkast, Tupac and Biggie. But they were getting two different results based on the environment and the expectations. So the kids at my former school were going to jail, and the kids at this school were going to Yale. And for me, it was this realization that we're all dealing with the same stuff, that underneath all of the stories that we have about each other, whether it be gay, straight, white, black, Christian, Muslim, underneath all of that is our truth, which is love. And I, at 15 and a half, stumbled upon environmental psychology. I got to see that it wasn't set up for, you know, the kids at my former school to actually win. Like these kids in Wexford Mafia. The new gang that I was in all had a belief that after they were in a gang that they would end up going to Yale or Berkeley or, you know, Harvard, and they would end up, you know, taking on their dad's business or their mom's business and, like, everything tv, the way that they. We depict Jesus as this white person, Santa Claus, like Everything you can think of that's amazing and good looks like them, and everything that is bad and terrible and aggressive on television, in the music and all of the above looks like me. And it was the first time I really realized that everybody's being bombarded by the same media, that we're all being programmed and conditioned, and that love is our truth.

So you had this breakthrough before you even knew what a breakthrough was. Really, I mean, super insightful. And I mean, so what would you tell somebody that? Because not everybody accesses that intuition or knows can put that together like that. So, you know, what would you tell that kid or that person that is raising a kid that's in that other environment? Like, what is it about you that made you be able to realize these things and. And shift and make these good decisions and changes towards that?

I think the most powerful thing any human can do is question everything. One of my favorite quotes came from Ernest Holmes. I read this maybe seven years ago and I remember, like, literally stopping in my tracks and going, what did I just read? And like really processing it. And the quote was, and this is in the science of mine, he said, to get your answer, your questions answered, and your answers questioned. And that for me, changed everything. Because we usually stop at, okay, I have a question and then I have an answer, right? So we have an idea. We have programming that most of us, like I said, four aspects to being a human being, social and historical, which means we were born into beliefs and interpretations. So if your mom believes that money is the root of all evil and that rich people are terrible humans, then nine out of ten, no matter what you do in your life, unless you ever really question that belief, anytime money comes into your space, you will sabotage it away. Same thing if your mother or father were wounded by the opposite sex and they have a belief that all men are dogs or that women are bitches or whatever the case may be. If you don't question that because we stop at the answer, the answer is, oh, yeah, Asian people don't know how to drive, and black people are X, Y and Z, and white people are X, Y and Z and all of these things. And women are X, Y and Z and men are X, Y and Z. If we stop there, we're screwed. And so the best thing you could ever do for yourself is to question the answer. Question the. Of course, the thing that's like, oh, yeah, that's of course. Is it. Is it really like that? To me, powerful questions call for powerful answers. Most people ask disempowering Questions. Why am I so ugly? Why am I so fat? Why is it not happening for me and the universe? Google God has to answer that. It's it. You, every time you type something in Google, it has to answer it. And the universe is no different.

So, Preston, another question that's coming up for me is that. So when this horrible thing happens to you at age 15 and you lose your friends and I, it's serious trauma, and you pick up and move to Philadelphia, which ends up being a big breakthrough for you with what you see and what you learn there, that in a way, it is sort of running away from a problem. And did you. How do you advise that for people like to shift, to leave? Yeah, like you. You fully removed yourself and put yourself in a whole different situation.

Absolutely. But when you can't, there's another way. So, yes, environment is deeply important. Deeply. And not everybody can, you know, living in Istanbul can make their way over to Los Angeles. So what do you do? The next best thing is you take inventory of the environment, the internal environment, and the external environment. See, the internal environment is, what are you putting into your body? One, what music are you listening to? Two, what television and media are you consuming? Three, and then external environment. No matter where you are, you can always find nature. No matter where you are, you can always find a quiet corner. You can always find your stillness. You can always. Here's the thing. Elevation requires separation. And a lot of people aren't willing to separate from certain environments because there's a fear that they. They won't make it or, you know, they may be judged or whatever the case may be. But the reality is, like, it is deeply important that you position yourself. You know, books. Books and documentaries. If you can listen to this podcast, then you can also listen to books and documentaries. You can also position yourself to create another environment around yourself. Even if you can't find. Physically leave. Now, I was fortunate enough to be able to physically leave. However, that's not necessary in this now moment, because God is everywhere we look. Right. And the thing that I really want to nail home is your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility. And the healing is where the magic is, right? The wound. You know, I know people and work with people who've been molested and raped and, you know, seen catastrophic events, who've been born without certain limbs and things like that. That's not your fault. But. But your healing is your responsibility. And the healing comes from switching up what you're consuming.

Yeah, I love that. So where Is there a place for talking about trauma and tragedy, too? Like, did you, like, somebody would say, talk to it. You need to talk to a therapist. You need to heal that. Where was that? Was that. Did you keep that inside? Did you journal about it? You talk to somebody about it? How did you heal past that, other than changing your environment?

Yeah. Well, here's the thing. You know, I think that a lot of us don't. Like, a lot of people want to get past things because they want to be fixed. And I caution against that a lot because you were never broken in the first place. And, you know, as Rumi mentions, and I'm going to butcher this quote, the wounds are where the light gets in. And so it's. I wouldn't be Preston Smiles without all of that stuff. So I want to remind us all that it's a journey. It's a journey of healing. It's a journey of forgiveness, forgiving oneself. You know, I've met many people who don't understand that there's a part of your brain called the amygdala that fires off when you perceived danger. And what that may move you into is fight, flight, freeze, and appease. Most people end up freezing in moments. So I've talked to, you know, people who were, you know, got drunk at a party and was, you know, were raped by their boyfriend and weren't able to actually say no. They just froze. And so they've been beating themselves up and experiencing themselves as dirty or whatever the case may be ever since, not understanding that that biology took over at that point. It was not brain thinking at that point. That's biology. The amygdala fires off, and it has. You freeze. And so what we do and this whole process is about. Is about healing and forgiving oneself while simultaneously understanding that you did the best that you could from where you could with the tools and consciousness you had available. That's. We have to start there. We have to start with, it's perfect. Like, it's all perfect. I myself have been sexually abused as a child. I've had things like that happen. And of course, in hindsight, would I want to change that and fix that? Yeah, maybe. And it's one of the reasons why I do the work that I do. It's one of the reasons why I can reach into people's souls and really connect with them. And so wherever you are, whatever you're experiencing, it's a part of the magic that is you. We don't want to change those things. We just get to heal them. So we can turn our mess into our message. We can turn our pain into our power and our wounds into wisdom. That is the. That's where everything goes to the next level.

So where do you suggest someone starts? Like, someone right now is listening. Maybe they are. They're really just paralyzed by their wounds. Like, everything's wrong. I mean, gosh, listening to your list of things that happened, maybe they've even just had a third of those things happen. But they're stuck. Where do they start? Because excuses come up, you know, of course. And then. And then they find people to validate their excuses, and they stay in this downward spiral. What would you tell them to do to start. Like, what's step one?

Start journaling about it. Just talk about it. I would say find at least one person you trust and tell them. Because a lot of us who experience wounds, and that's every single person on the planet, tend to isolate and think that we're all alone. We tend to think that it's just us that happened to. And the reality is that a lot of people, you know, parents included, have been through some really difficult times. And just telling someone often creates so much space. So much space. The second part to that is I would remind them that if they're feeling something, to feel it all the way through to completion. So I know that a lot of humans, including myself early on, would justify and rationalize certain things so that I wouldn't feel them. So I'd shut down the feelings because I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to feel sadness. I didn't want to feel anger. I didn't want to feel those things. So instead, I'd say, oh, well, that was the past. It's no big deal. I'm over it now. Like, time to move on.

Yes, however.

Yes. Yes, they do. However, you know, the body doesn't lie. And so when those emotions come up, if you continue to suppress them, if you continue to not honor them, then the body will break something. That's where dis ease comes. Because emotions are like water coming out of a spigot, out of a water hose, right? And so if we kink the hose, if we fold the hose while the water is coming out, because we don't want to experience anger or we don't want to experience sadness or grieving. We're not just kinking the emotion or the water for that. We're kinking it for our joy. We're kinking it for our sexual feelings. We're kinking it for kinking it for Our abundance. We're kinking it for everything. We're folding the emotion on everything. And so a lot of people don't experience themselves full. They don't experience themselves really joy filled. And it's because they haven't allowed themselves to feel all the other emotions that come with the human.

So feel the feels.

Yep. Feel it. Tell somebody and start. Begin to journal or talk about it. Just so you. It's no longer this big secret. That's. I think that's really one of the biggest things. It's so heavy for people because they hide it. The moment it's out there and people know, then what do you do with it? You know, like we, A lot of people talk about vulnerability and vulnerability is a really good start, but transparency is a whole nother level.

Can you explain the difference between that, by the way? Vulnerability and transparency? Because sometimes vulnerability is transparent. Sometimes it's just fake. Like people are just. They think they're supposed to be vulnerable and it's not. It isn't authentic. So I'd love to hear your take on that.

Yeah. Well, if I'm. If I'm being vulnerable, that's good. That means I think there's something at stake. That means I think you can hurt me. When I'm. When I'm transparent, I'm just sharing my truth. I'm sharing my truth. I'm sharing a story maybe to help someone else, or I'm sharing it because I need to help myself. But the idea of being vulnerable. Right. A lot of people don't speak about certain things because they think people know that they'll use it against me. Right. That becomes. I just don't think that's very helpful. And that to me is the difference between the two. If I don't have this idea that, oh, one of you is going to run off, say, well, Preston was, you know, he used to steal and he was in special education and he's dyslexic and he had a sexual abuse trauma when he was a child. And now you guys are gonna use that against me later on. I don't give a freak. I don't care. So I'm, I'm transparent about it because I think that maybe it may serve someone else here.

I love that. I love that. And I think it's. It's really. I think, I feel it's. It's very freeing when you actually are transparent because it no longer can hurt you. Really. Like, it's. What's the hurtful part is the hiding it, you know, like what if someone finds out. But when you're, when you're transparent with it, I feel that, that it takes that away.

Absolutely. Our job, our job is to fill our cups and give from the overflow. And the way we fill our cups is releasing and pouring out all the stuff that isn't effective anymore.

Yeah.

Which a lot of times is limiting beliefs and traumas and wounds that we've never allowed ourselves to process. You know, the nervous system, maybe you process it in your head, but you haven't allowed your body to process it. It's one of the reasons why in the work that I do, I have people do primal screams and beat their chest and stomp on the ground and allow themselves to experience the anger they never allowed their body to experience. And it's like that thing where somebody, you know, has a cry and they say, oh, this is such a good cry. Why is that a good cry? It's a good cry because you haven't allowed yourself to do it in so long that the body goes, ah, there's the release. Now I'm safe, now I can move on.

Yeah, yeah, that's, that's. And for so many people, stuffing emotions, that is a big thing. Just that alone is what is missing.

Yes, yes, indeed.

Letting us flood. Do you. You mentioned earlier that you had a big initial issue with people pleasing you. Really, it was really important you. And that's why the gangs and the fitting in and all that. Do you care now what people think of you?

To an extent, I think we always do. I want to break down where that comes from. There are three core desires that every human is always looking to check off. It's just a matter of where they're doing it from. Approval, security and control. So survival security is our base desire. This is the one that we're always looking to check off. Whether it's like, you know, the chair you sat in, is it secure, whether it's, you know, financial security, relational security, these are, these are all different forms of it. In this day and age, however, our ancestors in Africa, this is where it comes from. This hardwired into the brain, hardwired into the human. Because if I am with the. Or in a cave or with other people, then my chances of survival go up tenfold and I am safe. Now if I'm in that pack or tribe of people and somebody in the pack or tribe does not approve of me and they kick me out, now I'm out there in a saber toothed tiger. When it does show up, it only has to run after one person, that is me. So what we tend to do is control what we say and don't say, what we eat, where we live, what our social media looks like, all of these things as an attempt to have people approve, like love us so that we are safe. Do you see the.

Yeah, absolutely.

And so the difference between those who live extraordinary lives and those who live ordinary lives of quiet desperation, those who are slaves to those things are where they're sourcing it from. I do my best every single day, moment by moment, to remind myself that all needs are met in this now moment. That I approve of me, that I am safe as far as I can see, and that everything that can be controlled is in control. A lot of us are seeking those things externally. We think that it's in the likes, we think that it's in the partner, we think that it's in the car, in the job title, in all of these other things in the body. So we work out all the time so that people go, wow, you have an amazing body. Which means that I am approved of and liked and validated. So what happens if you get hit by a car and you can't work out anymore? Where does your, your approval go? Yeah, straight out the window because it was always based on something external. Does that make sense?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's, that's powerful right there. It's big awareness.

Yep.

Yeah.

So on a daily basis, I'm literally like daily reminding myself that everything that can be controlled is in control. I'm safe. No matter what's happening in my bank account, no matter what's going on in my relationship, I'm safe. I'm here, you know, and I do approve of me. I love me.

And we love you too. That's that contagious energy too though, you know, like just these ways of being and what you've told yourself, it wears off on others. It does. I mean, that's my experience of you is all those things.

Thank you. I truly appreciate that. And likewise, you know, we tend to attract that which is similar to us.

I do have some, I have some habit questions I'm curious about because this, this, I'm always curious about this and I think this will really help people with how you really stay rigorous in this stuff. But I'm wondering, how do you start your days?

Now that I have a seven and a half month child, my days start really early, four to 4:30. And it's, you know, the process of taking care of him and that, that is actually the best way to start my mornings because he's all giggles, all smiles, and I kiss him 40 million times before 6am but after I take care of my child. For those of you who don't have children, one of the first things I do is drink a glass of water. I'm currently doing something called intermittent fasting, which I'm sure you have done before. And so I don't eat and I go. If there's waves, I go straight to the ocean and surf. If there is no waves, I still go to the ocean and I run or do some type of physical exercise, whether it's biking, running, or just skateboarding to the beach. I live in Venice beach, so I can go do pull ups at Muscle beach and all of that stuff and then listen to an audiobook, probably about 30 minutes of an audiobook every day. And then I read maybe five to six pages of a physical book every single day. And then, and then I pray. And then after that, the day quote unquote, starts and I'll check my social media and check what's going on with all the people that I, I love.

And this is a commonality with anyone I've interviewed. Like, that morning is so sacred. And like, notice you didn't say, pick up my phone. I didn't respond to emails. I wasn't checking text or Instagram. Like, you're really grounded. I mean, first with your son and then with what you want the day to be.

Absolutely, yeah. I think it's really important that we, we are intentional about that because, you know, as we know the, the way that our world, world is set up right now, especially for social media and emails and dings and all of that stuff, it can get out of hand. I do want to take note that I have no notifications on any parts of my phone.

I'm with you. I love that. I'm the same way. No notifications.

Yep. I would never know if any of those things were happening until I actually go to those things.

Such a huge tip. So. And it's, it changes you. I don't, I don't have, I don't have email on my phone either, by the way. I take that car completely off and so I can, I have to go check it on the laptop.

Yep, yep.

Which is, which is great. And then I want to know also who's in your circle? Like who, what types of people do you physically surround yourself with?

Yeah, you know, it's one of those things where, of course, I'm in a particular world and industry where it's based on transformation and personal development. However, I do have people in my circle who have nothing to do with that. I say the commonality that everybody in my circle has is that they have a drive to be the best version of themselves, to level up. Exactly. One of my best friends, his name is Josh, He's a LA county lifeguard. He is amazing. He's a diver, rock climber, he reads all this, like, poetry. And he's just really well spoken, nerdy, amazing guy who has nothing to do with, you know, the world that I quote, unquote, swim in. But he's such a powerful human and he cares so much and like people like him. I hang out with Lewis Howes quite a bit and my wife, My wife is the number one reason why I am where I am, if that makes any sense. She, her and I being in a conscious relationship where both of us are dedicated and committed to being the best versions of ourselves and there's no place to hide in that relationship. Like, when my stuff is up, you see it. She calls it forward, she calls it out. And we are like workout partners who get to have sex. It's the best thing ever.

And I also want to share because you've told me this before. I mean, you guys created that relationship. It's not like, oh, I just found this relationship and that's why I am this. You all, you both created that.

Absolutely. We and are continuing to, you know, once we had a baby, it changed everything. And yet some things remained. Like, you know, people. The first week we had our child, I took her on a date and everybody was like, what? I didn't leave my kid for the first two years, I never left their son. And like, you know, it was really important to us that we still love on each other and date each other and curious about each other. I think our relationship is amazing because I don't pretend like I know her and she doesn't pretend like she knows me. Yeah, because the moment we think we know somebody, we stop listening, we stop truly seeing them. We stop being curious and in wonderment about them. And so there's this sexiness and this mystery still to her because she's forever evolving like a lotus flower, just like I am. So we're in that game together.

Got it. Okay. So earlier I asked you about somebody being in rock bottom steps to get out of that. I do have a final question for you. So if you were just to narrow it down to just one thing. Somebody's listening, they're inspired by you, they're motivated to make a change. They're going to do one thing today. What is that.

One thing today? Inspired, I would say. If they're at rock bottom, the one thing has to be finding someone who you trust and know and love, Even if it's not somebody you know who's in your family. Find one person and tell them what you're experiencing. Amazing that you. You need some love, right? Every human needs love. We all do. Ask for a hug. Ask for what you want. Tell them what's going on with you. Tell them what you're processing. Tell them what you're being with. I think that's the most important. Community is the new money. Community is everything. We come into this world into tribe, and we leave this world usually with people right next to us. You know, I watched, and I'll give you the short version of this, but I was in New York City a couple years ago on Mother's Day, and I was led to a particular part of New York. I don't know why. I just kept saying yes and listening to intuition. I call intuition God voice. So first thought, whatever the first thought is, you go with that. Because the second thought will talk you out of the first thought. The third thought, you'll be like, what have you been thinking about? Right? And so I was led to a particular part of New York to go into a store. I went into the store. Something said, go downstairs. I went downstairs. I said, why am I here? Two seconds later, I hear, no, scoot. Boom. I look in the air. There's a woman flying through the air. She just got hit by a cab.

Oh, my gosh.

She lands on her head. Her brains splatter on the ground. I instantly know why I am there. Instantly. I run to her. I am one of three people who were willing to even look because her brains were on the ground. I run to her. I grab her feet. The other person who runs is a doctor and another is a nurse. They're not even together. We all happen to be on the same street corner in New York on Mother's Day. I run to her. I go to her feet. They're saying, ma', am, ma'. Am. They're touching her pulse. She's spitting blood up. Ma', am, are you there? Ma', Am, are you there? They're trying to talk to her. Her pearls are rolling down the street. I see this whole thing in slow motion. I go to her feet. I close my eyes. I go into prayer. I say, listen, whoever you are, I don't know who you are, but just know that you're not here alone. If it's time to go. I'm here with you. If it's time to stay, I'm here with you. But just know that you're not alone. And I go into this deep meditative trance. I don't even remember everything that was happening. All I remember is that her and I were deeply connected in that moment. Wow. And there was a point where. And this is New York City, there's people everywhere. Nobody's willing to be in there. Right. There's a point where I hear them talking to her, but I have my eyes closed and I'm still just dropped in with her. And we're having a conversation, you know, internally in the spirit world, if that makes any sense. Yeah. And there's a point where I feel her about to let go, and I open my eyes and she takes one last breath and. And. And there's no more. And this is. It was one of the best gifts that was ever given to me. Her name is Amelia Stirrental. You can look this up on the Internet right now. Amelia Stirrental. You can look it up right now. You will see when it happened, they had it all over the news. She's a woman from Florida. And I got to be. You know, we celebrate when we. When a baby is born and everybody's there and we celebrate, but we rarely celebrate when somebody passes. We rarely celebrate when somebody takes that last breath. And I got to be there with her on that day, and on that moment, I got to be there with her, and I was led there. And so for me, this whole thing is a gift. Right. And you never know, you know, when that time is up. And so it's really important that we all, you know, really honor the sacredness of this beautiful life that we've been given. And to do it in community, to do it in tribe.

Preston, I could interview you for 10 hours. Your information is so amazing. We're at that end. Where can people find more and how can they do your workshops? Because you do these amazing workshops, transformational workshops. Can you tell us a little bit about that and how to find those?

Yeah. My wife and I do trauma based transformational workshops that are deep, deep, deep, like nothing you will ever find in the world right now. And you can find that@prestonsmiles.com or bridge experience.com. we'll be in Australia coming up and back in LA doing one in January, but we do them all over the world. And yeah, if you want to find me, Preston smiles on everything. YouTube, Instagram, the whole damn thing.

Everything. You're amazing. Thank you. Preston.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable and come interact with me over on Instagram @nataliejofit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.