024: Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction with Danny J

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing paralyzed a divorce, learning that her dad was not her biological dad in junior high. These are just a few of the stories that make up Danny J's very colorful life. Danny J. Is one of my favorite humans. She is a real life example of truth is stranger than fiction. And she uses her real Jerry Springer style life stories to engage with her audience, teach life lessons and inspire others to rewrite their stories. Now, on paper, she's an award winning entrepreneur, coach, podcast host, entrepreneur and storyteller. But in life, she is a true example of making lemonade out of lemons no matter what life throws you. Join in today and meet Dani J. And learn how she has time and time again leveled up and created everything from nothing.

Hey.

Hey. I've got my friend Danny J today. Hi, Danny.

Hey, girl. Hey, how are you?

Good.

So, you guys, I was at a wedding recently with my friend Danny. I've known her for years, but we're talking and I was like, Danny, you got more stuff, stories and turnarounds than anyone I've ever met in my entire life. Like, her stories are just, first of all, she's hysterical. She makes me laugh. But just the amount of things you've been through in your life and how you've turned those and created just these magnificent things from these rock bottom spots is just incredible. So thank you for being here. I can't wait for everyone to meet you.

Oh my gosh, it's so funny every time I tell somebody, literally. I've been friends with some of my, you know, some of my friends for years and years and they're like, every time I talk to you, I learn something new. And I'm like, yeah, I've got a lot, a lot in there.

You do have a lot.

Funny enough. Lately I've really been talking about story and like, how to share your story to get more customers and clients and things like that. And I think what's tricky sometimes is so many of us do have lots of stories. So it's like, which one do you tell? And I think it always matters, you know, for your Audience. But, yeah, I've got a lot. I've got a lot, especially with the theme of this podcast. Definitely. Like, starting over and making something from nothing is a theme of my life.

So the reason I want you all to meet Danny today is not just because she's got lots of stories, even though that. That in itself is enough reason to put you on my show, but because you really turned anything you've created into gold. You've built brands multiple times. You've reestablished yourself, shifted, grown, and it's like literally anything you touch and put your hands on becomes magnificent. So it's incredible. And I'm d to get into, like, the mindset it took to create from those spaces. So thank you for being here.

Yeah, thank you.

Okay, so I want to take you back a little bit, because right now she's a co host of a podcast. She's a speaker. You can find her online. She's doing amazing things. But. And people look at you as this incredible success, but I know that it was not always this for you. Can you tell us about who you were before any of this?

Yeah. I mean, honestly, the fact that I'm even here today is just a testament to so many people that have helped lift me out of dark places. I just barely told you this story over the weekend of the wedding, and it's something that I've only recently started sharing over the last few years, but I went through a really hard time in high school. Part of this was due to some abuse. Part of it was just due to my whole family dynamics, but I ended up being pregnant at 15 years old, and. And I was actually suicidal. How I found out was I was going to basically, like, a behavioral health center. It was like a mental health place where I was threatening to commit suicide. So I ended up being there for almost a month. And while I was there, they test you for drugs and alcohol, and they did a pregnancy test. And I found out while I was in there that I was pregnant. And I remember the very first thing I said when the doctor told me my pregnancy test was positive. I said, well, I'm going to have an abortion because I'm going to kill myself anyway. And that was literally my statement. And I had no sadness behind it. It was just a matter of fact, like, that's. I just didn't see myself living past, you know, the next few years.

So wait a minute. Did somebody check you into this hospital? Did you go seek treatment yourself? So you're going because you're depressed and you have no idea that you're pregnant?

No idea that I was pregnant, No. I basically checked myself. I asked my mom to check me in. So I. We had been struggling and fighting for the last year and a half, and I started becoming bulimic. And I had, at one point, like, went to my dad's closet, and he had a rifle, and I held a gun to my head, and I. My mom and I got in a fight. And I basically was like, I am going to do something really drastic unless you get me help or you take me somewhere. And I had. The boyfriend that I was dating at the time had gone to this, like, a very similar clinic. And so it was more out of his urging because I really didn't care to save myself. And so told my mom I needed to go to this place, and she didn't want to take me. She's like, you're not crazy. You're not going there. And I said, just take me. So they took me in, they did their little intake, and they basically told my mom that I wasn't allowed to go home. She thought that they would just say, you're fine, and send me back. And they're like, no, we need to keep this girl on watch. And so they put me on something called, like, there's, like, levels SP1, SP2, SP3, and SP was like, suicide prevention. So I was on 24. 7 watch. I couldn't go to the bathroom by myself. I had to have somebody literally sitting next to my bed while I slept, sitting next to me while I peed on the toilet. Like, I couldn't go anywhere until they felt that I was safe enough to be able to, like, earn those privileges back of, like, even being alone. Wow. So, yeah, I didn't know I was pregnant. I think I had my period, was just about to start, so I wasn't, like, late or anything. I had just become sexually active. And. Yeah. So I said, I'm gonna have an abortion. And I left. By the time I got discharged, I booked. I basically made my appointment for the abortion. I was able to borrow some money from a friend, and I had planned to do it. And I ended up the day before, my parents took me to meet this other. This woman, and they were talking to somebody about sending me to an eating disorder clinic. They sent me into a room with this woman while they were in another room talking to the doctors in the finance department. And this lady, she told me how she had been anorexic and she had two children, and she couldn't have kids anymore because her anorexia she just destroyed her body. And I don't know where it came from, but I just blurted out of my mouth, I want you to have my baby. And I remember thinking at the time, what the hell are you talking about? Like, I had the abortion appointment for the next day. And she goes, what? She said, what? And I'm like, I want you to have my baby. And I'm just like. It's like two pieces of me. My mouth is talking, and my head's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, my gosh.

She said, are you serious? And I said, yeah, I do. And so I ended up leaving. And I called my boyfriend that night, and I told him, I said, hey, I met this woman, and I want her to have our baby. And he just said, okay. Wow. I didn't tell my parents about it that night. They didn't know that I had the abortion scheduled. And kind of speeding through the story, I was four months pregnant. I just found out I was having a little girl. And she called me crying, and she said, we can't adopt the baby. It's going to be $50,000 for a private adoption. We just don't have the money. And so then I was stuck with, well, now what do I do? Because my home life was pretty tumultuous. It wasn't really a great scenario for me to be. To keep her. Plus, I was just turning 16. I'm thinking, okay, if I keep her, I'm never going to be able to move out of my house. I'm never going to be able to go to college. There was just a lot of things that were up in the air, obviously, being that age. And so I went to an agency, I asked about adoption, and I really. The one thing I didn't want to do was to just have a baby. You know, you hear about adoption in the old days where they just whisk the baby away. You never know what happened. And I was like, I just can't do that. And so she explained to me that I could choose the parents, and things were a little bit different. And so I felt really at peace. I said, okay, I think I could do this. If I can choose where she goes and I know she's going to be safe, then I can go through with this. And so ultimately, that's what happened. And honestly, I credit my daughter to saving my life, because once she was born, I thought, oh, my God, what if she grows up and finds out her birth mother committed suicide and thinks it's her fault because she was born and it was that moment that I thought, okay, I have been given a second chance and I need to do something with this life. And I really, really credit that whole experience to saving my life, as crazy as it was, because it could have been the worst thing that ever happened. And it felt like it in the moment, but ultimately was what turned me around. And so I ended up graduating high school early. I went to a brand new high school. I didn't want to tell anybody that I gave up my daughter for adoption. I didn't want anyone asking me. So went to a new school where nobody knew me. And I just like kicked it into high gear. I kind of became this overachiever. I got straight A's and I went to college right away and I got my master's degree because I just wanted. I didn't want this little girl to grow up and go, dang, you got a whole second chance at life. And you just turned into like an addict or you went on welfare or you just fell apart. And so it was like my driving force.

Yeah, that's interesting right there. So that was like kind of your first lesson and something's happening for you now to you, I would imagine, like, because you could have easily just been in victim mode and you shifted that.

Oh, my gosh, absolutely. I think that one of the things I recognized and I saw, well, two things. I was really, really lucky. My social worker at the time was also my counselor, and she. She really challenged my beliefs and my wanting to be in that place. I think you can really easily be the victim and also feel like you're justified in it. And she made me read the book by Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning. And he sent me home with that book. And then she made me come back and tell her what it was about. And I told her what I thought it was about. She's like, no, wrong. Go read it again. And ultimately she goes, let me tell you, basically, this book is no matter what happens to you, you get to control how you react. So this. If you are not familiar with the book or the listeners aren't familiar with the book, this man was a psychiatrist and he was put into concentration camp. And he would see the people who would. Who were likely to survive or who were going to die. And a lot of the people who died kind of gave up mentally before anything happened to them. And not only that is that he realized too, that even though the guards took so many things away and they were prisoners, the one thing they couldn't take away was their thoughts or what they were thinking. And so she really drilled this lesson into me of that even though I felt like I had no power and I felt like I had no control in my whole life, that ultimately I did have control. I had control over how I got to react to the situation and what I was going to take out of it. And I also went to a high school that had the highest pregnancy rate in the country. And I saw that I had three other girls in my PE Class who were also pregnant and they were going to be dropping out or going on welfare. And I just thought, I do not want to be a statistic. I don't want that to be my narrative. And so I had to make a conscious choice to do something different and to be different. And I realized if I kept on the path that I was on, that I was going to end up dead, even, like, not even by my own choice or suicide, just by the way things I was doing to myself.

So did that experience, did that snap you out of that whole depression, or did you have to work to get out of that? So twisted your story on, like, you changed your mindset clearly on, you know, this is happening for me, what's happening here. But what did you. How did you have to deal with depression and those suicidal thoughts?

Yeah, I mean, 100% didn't take that away, unfortunately. It was just a battle. It just became a battle of really working on personal development, reading, going to counseling. I had. You know, I just give so much credit to that social worker I had. She just really would challenge me and my thoughts, and she would give me things to think about. She'd give me assignments and things that I had to really work on. And then I also had that piece of me in the back of my mind going, I have no choice. I have to fight, because I can't let this little girl think that I killed myself because of her. And so it wasn't. It didn't happen overnight. In fact, you know, it was a battle for years and years and years. And to be honest, like, things have still come up. And I just realized that maybe this is what I have to deal with. And, you know, I think everyone has their own struggles and their own internal battles, and nobody's worse or better than anyone else. And this is just the thing that I have to struggle with sometimes. And I know that our brains create pathways. And when I was in that depression mode a lot, it kept getting deeper and deeper. So I had to really learn to reprogram my mind. And I did that with a lot of affirmations. I did it with self hypnosis with different medications. So there was a huge effort to try to find things that would work for me. And I found things that did work, and I found things that didn't work. I tried things for a while that worked for a while, Then they stopped working. Like, there were different medications I tried that did help me, and then they didn't help anymore.

And.

And that was a big reason why I got into fitness, actually, was I didn't want to be on medication my whole life, and I wanted to find ways. And I started reading things about nutrition and exercise and how they can help with depression. And it was a massive reason why I got into the fitness industry, because I was honestly just looking for a way to fix my own brain without being on medication, because I had this idea and this stigma about meds, and I didn't want to be on them for the rest of my life. And so I really got into getting into fitness and getting into nutrition because I thought that would help me. And for a long time, it really did. And to be honest, I think that there's a huge piece of. You know, I think I used to ask, why are more people depressed now? Are they more depressed? Or is it just we talk about it? And I think it's both. I think that people do struggle more today, and I do believe a lot of it is due to our nutrition, or I should say bad nutrition and lack of exercise. I do not think that that's the only cause. I do think there are a whole lot of other things behind that. But I think we can help ourselves when we know our body's better and we eat better and we work out more. And so, you know, I recently posted on my Instagram page with a more recent struggle with depression that kind of came out of nowhere. And I think some of that was hormonal, some of it was environmental, Some of it's just chemical and just from the past. But I do know that when I'm eating better and taking better care of myself, that I can control it a.

Little better, you know, And I certainly know that everybody's got their own stance on medication and so forth, and I can't judge what somebody is going to do. But there is something to be said for when you do take medication, and of course it's going to help alleviate symptoms, but unfortunately, it doesn't fix the cause. And when you go the inside, as you probably figured out, at least gives you that other leg up, too. So there could be a combination or I do throw that out there for people to. That are taking medication to look at. What are you putting in your body in addition to that? Because that helps with that change.

Oh, absolutely. And, you know, for me, you know, when you're in crisis, do what you need to do to get out of crisis. And I just. Over the summer, when I posted about it, I went to a clinic to get back on meds because I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to do. It got to a place where it was scary enough for me that I go, I need to do something right away.

Yeah.

But then I also needed to look back and go, okay, what have I been doing the last six months? I've been traveling like crazy. My diet hasn't been great. There's been a lot of ups and downs. I went back to get on my herbal supplements and things that helped me feel good, but I would never tell someone just to fight through it. If you feel like you need something right away, like, you have to get through what you have to get through no matter what. Like, there's no reason for me to make a permanent decision based on some temporary emotions and feeling.

Yeah, that's. That's powerful. So you start getting your health back, you start working on your health, and you launch into the fitness space, the nutrition space. Tell us about that. Like, how did that come about? And then why did you leave that?

Yeah. So it was kind of funny. I mean, everything in my life when. When I look at where I am now, I couldn't have planned any of this. And the same with you, I'm sure, is even what we're doing today. I mean, this didn't exist. There was no podcasting back then. There was no Internet back then. But I loved movement. I was a gymnast before I got pregnant. And so I started coaching gymnastics. That was my first job after I had my daughter. And I ended up coaching and finding. Working with a girl whose mother was a costume designer for Cirque du Soleil. She connected me with another woman to do acrobatics, and I started to do acrobatic kind of stuff. And I became an acrobat at SeaWorld. And I loved it. It was the most amazing experience of my entire life. But my show was in Mission Bay, so it was circular mare. It's still there today. And the show, the stadium, faces the bay. So we weren't in, like, the tanks with the water, with, like, the clean water or the animals. It was literally just in the cold, freezing bay. And unfortunately, what I learned later was that there's a lot of sewage in that bay. And I got E. Coli and bacterial infection that lodged in my sacroiliac joint. And I woke up unable to walk. And I was completely paralyzed from basically from the waist down. I couldn't. I couldn't walk.

See, this is what I mean. You get into your stories. I'm like, how does all this happen to one person? I mean, you guys are hearing, like that you're on. We're on. The second story of about 500 I now know. So random, like this happens. Okay, so you get this infection, you can't walk.

Yeah, I got this infection. I can't walk. I ended up in the hospital for about a month. Once I got out, I was using a walker. I was able to move my right leg slightly, and the other one I could just drag if I could lean on my arm so I could slightly move the right leg. Left leg wasn't working. And so I started to. After a year, well, I guess it wasn't quite a year. I was asking my mom to drive me to the gym because I didn't have health insurance and I wasn't able to get physical therapy. So I asked my mom to drive me to the gym. I take the walker into the gym and I go sit on the recumbent bikes. And I would just take my hands and push my legs around with my hands because I didn't want to have the muscles atrophy. And so I was doing this. I'd stay at the gym for like four hours a day, and I would just push my legs around. And then I take my walker into the little dance room and I try to, like, stretch and just do kinds of stuff. I was making this up. And then I started going online. The Internet was coming around and I was looking up things for therapy. Basically, I was being my own physical therapist. And I just decided if I'm going to do this and spend all this time, I might as well get certified in something. So I looked up NASM and I decided to get certified for personal training. Even though at this point I still couldn't walk and I didn't think I'd ever, like, use it. And ultimately I ended up getting certified and I went actually back to coaching gymnastics. And then after just kind of a fallout with the gym, I had my certification and decided, I'll start doing personal training. And the other reason was I loved it. And again, back to the depression thing, I was interested in all that. So it was just like this interest. And I figured If I'm doing it anyway, I might as well, you know, get a certification because I was a little bit of an overachiever that way. So it just kind of. It was just a random thing how I got into fitness and training. And ultimately I started my first business that way. I started doing fitness competitions because I thought, well, now that I could walk again and I'm a personal trainer, I need to look the part. So I started doing fitness competitions and bikini contests and everything. And also, I think when you're paralyzed, the only thing you want is to walk again. I remember just telling myself in the hospital, if I can ever walk again, I'm going to, like, never take this for granted. And so I went so extreme with the whole fitness thing. I just was like, I need to do the competitions. I ran a full marathon, which is ridiculous. I just went insane with it.

Okay, what.

I want to know a couple questions.

What.

What was the mindset it took to recover from that? How did you. Because a lot of people would give up in that spot and, like, be done with fitness ever again. So I want to know that. And then two. How did that shift into a business? And then what made you walk away from that business?

So a piece that I didn't mention was the. While I was in Acrobat, one of my best friends had just been diagnosed with cancer, and she was 18 years old. The prognosis wasn't good. They didn't know how long she was going to live, but it wasn't looking good. She came and saw me at SeaWorld, and right before she came, I cut all my hair off. I was going to shave my head, and then I just couldn't do it. So I cut all my hair off really, really short just to kind of show her support when she lost all her hair. And she ended up coming to my house to see me after. After the hospital. And so I answered the door in the walker, and she looked at me, and she was like, danny, I can't believe this happened to you. I feel so bad. And I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, I am such a jerk. Because I was feeling bad for myself that I couldn't walk. And this person is not live. And she's saying that she feels bad for me. Wow. And so I had to fit in this pity party at home, just laying in bed, taking pain medicine, not really doing anything for about three or four weeks until she came over. And once she left, that was really the mindset shift. When I started going to the gym, I was like, okay, Kelly doesn't have a chance to live. And while I might not be able to walk again, I do at least have a chance to live again, and I need to do something about that. And so that's when I started asking my mom to take me to the gym. And then I remembered back to my social worker about reprogramming my mind, because she was always on that. And so I wrote all these affirmations, and I started to bring this card, these cards of affirmations, and they said things like, I can walk easily and effortlessly. I am healthy. And just things that if you looked at me on the outside, true. Like, I wasn't walking easily, effortlessly. I wasn't even walking at all. But I would sit on the bike, pushing with my hands, and I would put the cards on the front of the bike and just read those affirmations over and over. I'd say each one, like, a hundred times. And I honestly had to make the most conscious effort to get out of it through affirmations, through physically moving. And the biggest piece was I felt like a dick because I had a friend who I was gonna lose, and she didn't get the chance. And I was like, I am wasting this again. Yeah, again. Just like with my daughter. And I'm like, I got another opportunity and I'm freaking wasting it.

And so there's such a theme with the affirmations and that gratitude, that piece of gratitude with anyone I've interviewed about success, it's really, really powerful. Like that, the affirmations and then that sense of gratitude. And, like, look what I have. Look at my chance.

Yes, yes. And it's so. It's so hard because we tend to look at all of the crap that's falling on us instead of going, look what I have. And that was actually a big, big piece was I had been saying, oh, my gosh, I was an acrobat. Now I can't walk. My degree is in physical education. Now I can't walk. I'm 22 years old, and I'm living with my parents. And then I had to turn it around and go, wow, I'm lucky to have parents that will take me back when I can't walk. Wow. I'm lucky that I get a chance to live. Wow, I'm lucky. And I really had to shift it. But it's not an easy thing to do, especially when your programming is negative, negative, negative, negative. I think I used to be one of the most pessimistic people you've ever met, and now I'm probably one of the most optimistic people. But it didn't come with. Without. Without effort. And gratitude was huge. Yeah.

And it looks like the universe keeps testing you on it to make sure she's still gratitude driven.

Oh, my God. I will tell you what I'm like. There are times where I'm going. Okay, got it. This lesson I obviously needed to learn again. All right, we're going to slap you back to where you know you got to go back to. Yeah.

So, okay, so you grow this business, you grow a brand. Sweaty Betty. Like, talk about that.

And what.

Why did that. Why did you break away from that?

Yeah. I mean, and again, this kind of just, like, the timeline is perfect. So I started the fitness stuff, and my. My first brand was called no Excuses, because I remember seeing people at the gym who were also disabled or handicapped coming in with canes, coming in with wheelchairs, and I had never noticed those people before because I wasn't in my realm. And now that I was the one in the Using a cane and using a locker, I would notice them, and I was like, dang, these people don't make any exc. So I started with this really hardcore philosophy. No Excuses. And unfortunately, because, like I said, I went so hardcore, I ended up really hurting my body, my metabolism, through competing and just over dieting and over exercising and had this massive hormonal BS. I gained, like, 30 pounds within two months. And I was getting to where this was, like, 2011 12, where CrossFit was really big, and everyone was really dogmatic about, like, you have to be hardcore or you have to eat paleo or vegan. It was, like, one or the other. And I just started going, you know, I'm not sure if it actually matters. Like, I think we just need to be healthy. And so the Sweaty Betty. And I don't know if I'm allowed to swear on this podcast.

You can swear. Go for it.

Okay. Sweaty Betty's motto was don't be a bitch. And it was really just, like, support everyone and do what works for you. Like, step, stop saying that. There's the only way to do something. So it was with a partner of mine originally, and we just wanted to make fitness fun, so we did these little spoof videos on YouTube. We just had a really good time with it because I started to hate fitness, and I was like, wait a second. Why did I do this to begin with? One, I wanted to feel better. Two, I wanted to get through depression. Three, I liked it, and I had fun, and I lost that. And so funny. Betty's was about, like, making fitness fun again. So we did challenges. We had this massive community. I had, like, a website where it was just a lot of free workouts. We had a paid version. We had a lot of amazing stuff there, and I really had a blast. I did have a falling out with a business partner, and I decided to just keep going with it. And I was a little terrified at the time because she left. And the Sweaty Buddies originally was her, and I. Her name was Aubrey. And then I thought, dang, do I need to find a new person? And then I just decided, okay, how about the Sweaty Buddies as the fans? And so I could get online and say, hey, Sweaty Betty, this is Dani J. Versus hey, guys. I'm the Sweaty Betty. And I think that shift was actually really crucial in creating that community and making people love feeling like they were a part of something. We had shirts and people saying, like, I'm a Sweaty Betty. And I really, really loved it. And what happened there. Another big shift was, again, it's so funny. I just get these. The universe likes to just drop these things on my head, I guess. I went. I ended up going to Belize for Christmas to help with an orphanage. And during that time, there was. There was just not a lot of food. And of course, my husband and I, we brought. We brought some snacks, and we were able to eat a little bit. But there was one day I was so hungry, and they made us these, like, basically Wonder Bread sandwiches. Like, Wonder bread and peanut butter. And I remember having this. The very first thought was, oh, my God, white bread carbs. Like, I cannot eat it. And at the same time, I had that thought, I'm going, you are a dick. This is all you get to eat. You're gonna have to eat it. And then I'm looking at these kids and I'm going, this is all they get. They don't get what kind of carbs they have. And Christmas Day, there was these little babies just crying and crying because they were so hungry. And I went home, and after that Christmas, and I was like, if somebody emails me again to ask if they can eat carbs after four or five.

Yeah, powerful.

There. There were just so many kids that were hurting there, and there were just babies having babies. And there was just so much that I literally kind of just shut down for almost a year. And I. Yeah, I need someone to run my Sweaty Betty site. I started taking down all of my nutrition programs because I thought, there's bigger things out there than what you need to eat. Like, people know what they need to Eat. But what's really happening and what I was really getting was a lot of people who were having binge eating issues. They were emotional eating. And I realized it wasn't about the food. And I didn't want to keep just giving out meal plans to people when ultimately what they did, they didn't need a meal plan. They needed, like, counseling. They needed a mindset shift. They needed something to change in their life and not to get a piece of paper.

So, Danny, that's huge.

I mean, I call it, like my brand identity crisis. I don't know what I'm going to talk about anymore, but I know I can't talk about nutrition anymore as far as telling people what to do, because it wasn't that. And maybe it was just a combination of the kind of people that I was attracting. I think a lot. I was getting a lot of emotional eating clients. I was getting a lot of binge eating clients. And so I pulled everything away and I decided I wanted to talk about some of those things. Started posting on Sweaty Betty, talking about emotional stuff, talking about financial stuff, talking about success and entrepreneurship and, like, mindset. And every once in a while, I would get somebody saying, why are you talking about this? This is a fitness page. And that's when I started going, dang, I don't know if this makes sense for my brand anymore, but I do know I want to keep talking about it. And so I just shifted from Sweaty Betty's to Danny J. I'm like, if I am me, then I can talk about whatever I want. Looking back, I so powerful, Dani, I basically destroyed it.

First of all, that's kudos to you because I think so many people get into that brand crisis, and they do not make that leap of ship because of scarcity. You know, they're scared, like, what am I? I'm going to lose people. I'm going to lose my income. I'm going to lose this. What did it take? Because obviously you calling for something bigger and different. How did you get to that conclusion? That, like, okay, I'm just gonna shut it down and go for this versus, like, I'm gonna leave that open and I'll start something else over here.

I mean, the truth is that I did lose so much income, and it's hard. You know, there's been times where I'll be really honest. There's been many times where I've questioned it. You know, we were just at Cassie Ho's wedding, and Cassie and I started around the same time, and we had a lot of Things going, and that's how I met her, was through Sweaty Betty's. And I look at her and the success she's had through Blogilates, and I would compare myself and have this conversation with her of, like, dang, if I had just stuck it out, I could be so much higher or so much more financially successful, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I was like, I just couldn't make myself. I don't know how to be any different. Sometimes that's not the best, but I don't know. So I walked away from it. Luckily enough, I had a network marketing company that was bringing up some. That was starting to bring up some income. I was married, and so my husband had some things coming in. I didn't know what the next step was, to be honest. All I knew was I couldn't do this anymore, and I didn't know what to do. And I have. I think the good and the bad things that came out of me being pregnant at such a young age was that I felt like. I feel like I have nothing to lose. Like, I've been through some of the hardest things, so I know I could land on my feet. And so even though I didn't know what was next, I was like, I'll figure it out. And I've had so many things taken away from me, and I lost so much that losing everything doesn't scare me. And not to say that it doesn't scare me, it does. But it's like, okay, I've been down there before. I've been down this road before. I know I can handle it. And so it's been. Of course, all of those things were terrible in the moment, but they have given me the ability to try because I don't have that fear of losing everything. And I do know I work with a lot of entrepreneurs as well, or meet people, and they. They're so nervous about hanging on to what they have for fear of losing it.

And I.

When you lose it all, you kind of are like, okay, now what? You know, yeah, can't go any lower than rock.

And. And now, you guys, it's about to get seriously juicy, because I'm about to ask you. So just when somebody listening might be thinking, okay, got it.

Yes.

But she also had a husband, and she had this and that, Whatever. She had a following. So Danny goes on to create other stuff, and she's. You know, we used to, like, joke around on Snapchat because you and your husband are traveling in an rv and you would say he kind of reminds you of my husband. And the next thing you know, boom, marriage is over. And you find yourself once again, Yep, rock bottom, starting over. What happened?

I think the universe is playing the biggest trick on me, I believe. Honestly, the funny thing was, right around when this happened, I go, you know, I really must have wanted an adventure when I came to this earth, because I am getting that for sure. So the irony is that I was really working on public speaking. I really want to do a lot of speaking, and I was working on this keynote talk. And the basis of the keynote talk is you can't control what happens to you. You can only control how you react. And it was really. The keynote was really the story of my paralysis and meeting Kelly, or not meeting Kelly and Kelly coming over and me just shifting my mindset. And so I'm working on this whole thing about you can only control how you react. And then, exactly as you said it, boom. My husband, who was my best friend, my business partner, the person I trust the most, I find out that he's having an affair. And I remember wanting to do like probably most women would want to do, like, light everything on fire. And.

Yeah.

And I'm like, you can only control how you react.

No, most people say that they have, like, red flags and stuff like that. Danny had. You had no red flag like, you had. You thought everything was hunky dory.

Yeah. I mean, this. And I did an episode on the Best Life podcast with my partner, Joe Coleman. We talked all about this, but there were no signs. I mean, I can't say there were no signs. The only thing was that I felt like he was starting to get depressed. And so I kept talking to him like, honey, do you need to get on medication? He was acting different, but it wasn't like anything was wrong with us. And he wasn't giving me any indication. And looking back and reading more about infidelity from Esther Perel. She wrote a book called the State of Affairs. And watching some of her TED Talks, I can understand why some of it happened the way that it did, especially in happy marriages, because you always think that, well, somebody cheats because their partner's nagging or they're ignoring them or something really bad is happening. And it's like, we were good. You know, we were always great. We were still having sex, we were still talking, but he was going through some struggles. And Esther Perel says a lot of times when it comes out of a happy marriage, it comes on the tail of, like, a death or something big. And so there was A lot of things happening in the family. His brother was really ill and we were living with my grandmother, basically being caretakers. So there was a lot of stress and it was just a different, different stress. And financially he wasn't contributing as much at the time. And I think that as a man was. Was hard for him. And so of course it was blindsiding and. And I adored him. And I was always that person. And I'm sure many women say this, if I ever couch my spouse cheating or my boyfriend cheating or my partner cheating, I'm out. And I had been that person. I had said that. But when I found out, I was like, but I don't. I don't want to be out. Like, I. One, you just don't. I just wanted it to never have happened. But two, I was like, this isn't you.

What.

What's going on? Like, let's get through this. I didn't get to get divorced. I want to help you. And I didn't understand it. I wanted to understand. Then of course, you turn it into like, well, what did I do? Is it me? Am I too, you know, like, I had gained a few pounds, nothing crazy, but back then you're like, okay, maybe I'm just not pretty enough anymore.

Right.

And I went through that whole thing and ultimately I think he felt that he kind of. He almost needed to make it work with the other girl in order to justify it, the affair. And so he said he wanted to split. So I go, okay, I guess goodbye then. And I packed up my stuff and I moved to California because my friend Jill, she found out and she said, just come live with me. And I moved into a couch for a month.

Wow.

And that was again, like this reminder of you can only control how you react. And then it was literally starting over again because our business was together and yeah, everything was going so well at the time. That was also this big shock. It kept me kind of small for the next year because I thought maybe if I'm growing too much, that's why my marriage is over. It's my fault because I should have been not so. Not growing so fast or not being so successful. And that made him feel bad. And ultimately I realized now that if that was going to happen, it was going to happen. But I can't hold myself back because of fear of making someone else feel small.

Yeah. So when this is happening, obviously that's devastating. And this is not your first rodeo. You've been through hurt and pain and u turns in your life and all that. So Many times. But when that was happening, what did you have to do to remind yourself that you're going to be okay and that you're going to get through this? Like, because I'm sure you had moments of crap. I just want to give up. I mean, I'm assuming how did you, like, what did you do? What helped you? Did you connect with others? Were you talking about like what, what made you be able to shift?

Yeah, that was honestly one of the hardest things. I always thought that giving up my daughter was the hardest thing that ever happened. And I figured I could get through anything after that. And this definitely, if not a close second, maybe even a tie, maybe just because the time has gone by so much that I can't remember what it felt like as much back then, but it was up there. And I thought, it's so funny. You kind of think, well, I've been through all these hard things, I've been through that I've been through being paralyzed. So I guess in my mind I thought, oh, I'm done with all the hard stuff. The rest of my life is going to be easy. Like I front loaded the hardest things. And so, and so I was so shocked and going, this can't happen to me because I've already been like, it's not fair, right? It's not fair that how many things can happen to one person? And so I went through some self pity and I went through so many days of crying. But I think part of my resilience happened right afterwards. I was crying every day, but there was a piece of me that said, okay, you just need to do one something every day to make yourself feel better. So I had literally probably spent out of 24 hours a day, maybe I'd be awake for 10 hours and I'd be crying for nine and a half of those. But I would wake up in the morning and I would do my hair and my makeup and I would leave the house and I would spend the time in the car just driving around and crying. But at least if I got up and I did my hair and makeup, I felt like I looked okay and I was doing something proactive. And then it got to the place where then I was crying maybe only eight hours a day and then only six hours a day. But every single day I get up, do my hair and makeup because I had to do something to feel good. And the only thing I felt like I could control was like my look, I guess. And the other part was that I knew if I stayed in my pajamas all day I wouldn't get out of bed and that I would sink into a bigger depression. And then once I moved to California, just talking through it with Jill and just having that friend who understood and having these long conversations of just. I mean, just talking over, talking it, but over and over, just going through all the feelings and letting myself cry and letting myself scream and letting myself vent to that person helped me a ton. And then I did. I did get some counseling as well, just to get through some of that peace. And then the reminders, I just had these mantras. I had this mantra, this too shall pass. This too shall pass. And I would tell myself these ways to make myself laugh. To be honest, I would get on YouTube and watch comedy because I was like, I'm so tired of crying. I just need to laugh. I'm so tired of crying. And I said. I kept saying, one day this is gonna make a good story. Like, one day.

Oh, yeah, it is. Right now.

One day I'm going to be able to talk about it and look back and I'll find something. And the two mantras were, don't miss the lesson. Like, what are the lessons I need to learn? What are the lessons I need to learn? Don't miss, listen. And this too shall pass. And those were things that I would constantly just say to myself when my mind would start going all over the place. I'm like, if I was in pain, I'd take this. Two shall pass. If I was just angry and wanting to blame or wanting to be in victim mode, I just ask, what's the lesson? What is the lesson? What do I need to learn from this?

Danny, I just love your attitude and everything about. I mean, my experience of you. First of all, I don't even know if you see this correlation, but what I think makes you able to pick up and move on and laugh about things and share is you've got a really, really great ability to connect with others and be vulnerable and share. Like, you don't hold it in. You don't try to be tough and like. Like you do for a moment, but you're like, you're really open to connecting and sharing. And I think it's in. You are able to find healing so many times.

Thank you. So, you know, it's funny. I think one of my superpowers is connecting with people. And I think that because I've had all of these stories that I can relate on so many levels to so many different things, and that's why I can connect. And unfortunately, a lot of times I Wish I couldn't connect on that. Like, I don't want to be able to relate to someone who's had an affair or betrayal or, you know, lost a friend, but. But it's. It's like a curse and a blessing, right? We.

Yeah.

One thing that I. That I find strength in and find comfort in is knowing that I'm not alone. And when people reach out to me, that I can help them not feel alone. And the comfort comes from that of going, you know, even though I've been through hard things. Not the only one.

Yeah.

I think that is so representing of who you are now. Okay, so I have a couple questions. One, what are you working on now? Like, what drives you now? You have your podcast. I know that I want to hear a little about that. And then what's your next thing?

Yeah. So, you know what I started on right before the affair was the speaking. And that took a. Like, everything just came to a screeching halt, to be honest. It took, like a year and just. Just barely stayed afloat. I kind of make it make the analogy of, like, I'm just trying. I just tread water for a year, to be honest, I was drowning some of the time. Sometime I come up for air, but I was, like, not making any forward momentum. And then we started the podcast, and that felt good, like, more forward momentum. And then I did a live event last week, year, which I hadn't put on a live event in years. So I was like, okay, cool. I'm moving more towards feeling like me and feeling in my power again. I did a live event called Life AF in Las Vegas, and that was powerful and made me feel like me again. I just spoke at Fitposium last weekend as the keynote speaker, and I'm like, okay, I need to get back into the speaking. That's where I really love connecting with people. And I have some online programs. I have a program called Find the Money Project. I freaking love it because I find that I feel like financial freedom is so powerful. I think that when it came to the orphanage in Belize, and even the stuff with food mindset is really big. And when we can have abundance in all things, we can have abundance in money. We can make a bigger impact. We can make a bigger impact in the world. We can make a bigger impact in our communities. And so I noticed, too, with some of my binge people, they would be stressed over money, and that's why they were binging. So I like to just have a holistic view, and I really believe in freedom, and I Think freedom can come from time. Freedom, financial freedom. So Find the Money Project is a big online program that I do that's going to launch again soon, and Jill and I are looking at doing a podcast for next year. And there's a couple books that I've been saying that I'm going to write a book for, like, way too many years now. So it's.

I have no doubt you're going to do, like, all of those and 500 more things, because that's just who you.

Yeah, that's who you are.

Okay, so I have a question I ask everybody. I'm super curious about your perspective. So somebody's coming to you now, and they're at the rock bottom. So maybe they just caught their husband having an affair, or maybe they lost their business, or they just lost their ability to walk like you once had. You know, something's happened to them. They're in that inner turmoil. Knowing what you know now on the outside and being able to fast forward, what would you give them? Like, what piece of advice? What three things would you tell them to do right now so they can start leveling up and creating something from nothing?

Yeah. I mean, first of all, I would say it's in your power and how you look at it. It's perspective. So you have to find. You have to find something to be grateful for in that moment. Or, like, you have to look for the small silver lining. What was his name? There was this author, Joe Vitale. He talks about how he was, like, at this low place where he wanted to commit suicide. And so he was writing suicide note, and he was thinking about things to be grateful for. And he goes, I can be grateful for this pencil that I could write my suicide note with. And I think ultimately we have to look in the lowest, lowest moments and go, what in this very moment can I be grateful for? And sometimes it literally is like, if you're homeless and you're like, what's there to be grateful for? You're like, well, it's not raining right now, so there's that. So I think number one is finding whatever little piece you can hang up, because you have to get the first step to get the next step. And in order to get the first step, you got to find, like, the smallest sliver of silver lining. That's great advice.

Yeah.

So the silver lining, finding that gratitude piece. The second is finding something you can do like, that you can do. So instead of getting. Because it's so easy to just think of all the things you can't do, I can't walk, or I can't start my business over right away, or I can't do anything about the fact that my husband had the affair, or I can't do anything about the fact that, you know, my best friend is sick and gonna die. But what can you do? So for me, like it was, I can get up and do my hair and makeup. That'll make me feel a little better, or I can, you know, give someone else a compliment. I mean, it could be small, but first is finding something to be grateful for. Second is finding something you can do. And third is. Is finding, I think, a mantra reprogramming. I think there's been many times where I've just picked a mantra to help my brain because our brains want to go down the negative path. So finding a mantra like this too, shall pass. Or even if it's just like, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, or I can walk, I can walk easily and effortlessly. Finding some ways to just reprogram your mind and getting out of that negative.

Negative loop is that hamster wheel of negativity.

Yes.

Yeah, that's awesome.

That easy. And our brains want to go that way. And so you really have to make a offer.

Dan, you're so awesome. I love everything that you have done, everything you represent, everything you're saying, where I know everybody's listening going, where do I find more? First of all, her podcast. Best Life Podcast, correct?

Yes, yes, the Best Life podcasts.

And then where else can they find you? Where should they be following you?

I would say I'm Mostly on Instagram, dannyj.com It's D A N N Y like a boy J And then it's.comd o t, C O M. And that's where I am everywhere. Dannyjay.com on Facebook, if you just search that. The Best Life podcast, of course, we go in some really, really juicy topics.

And yeah, especially that one where you and your co host Jill dished all about the affairs. You guys have to listen. Listen to that. It's awesome.

It's the juiciest. It's the juicy. We got so many juicy ones. I'll tell you what. And my adoption story, we. I actually interviewed my daughter, so now we've reconnected. So that story's on there as well. There's a lot of really juicy stuff over there.

We'll check you out there. Thank you so much, Danny. Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in and don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over on Instagram @nataliejillfit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.

Sam.