036: Tapping Into Emotional Intelligence with Chris Lee

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, Fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. Chris Lee is a transformational trainer, best selling author and Life coach and TV radio personality from San Juan, Puerto Rico. For over 30 years, Chris has been traveling the world and has led seminars and workshops that have directly impacted over 1 million people. He teaches them the art of living abundant, extraordinary and successful lives. Now, Chris has worked with top companies worldwide such as DreamWorks, Paramount Pictures, Universal, Sony Music, CAA, WWE, Apple, Microsoft, IBM and more. He has opened and run successful seminar businesses in us, Europe, Asia, Latin America and Puerto Rico. He is a personal friend, an amazing coach to me, and I am so excited to have him here today with us. On Leveling Up. Creating everything from nothing. Today on Leveling Up, I've got Chris Lee. Chris, I've been dying to talk to you. What you don't realize is you are a huge reason I am doing this podcast. Chris is a high performance coach. He is a transformational trainer. He is an author. He has got 30 years of basically kicking the butts of high performers where they are and getting them to a whole other level. Kris, thank you so much for joining me on Leveling up today.

Thank you so much. I am so excited that we finally got to be able to do this and, and I'm so proud of you. I'm out of my body that you're doing this. I'm like, who would have thought that, you know, a year and a half or however long it's been that you'd be where you are now? I'm just, I'm blown away by you, honey. I love you.

Well, thank you, Chris. Thank you, Chris. So I want to dive right in. So, Chris. So I interview so many people on how they've like just had these massive shifts and created everything from nothing. And most of them mention some type of personal development work, some type of transformational work, and that's what the space that you live in, that's what you're in. So could you take us back a little bit? Like, what even called you to do that? How did you get into that? Tell us.

I studied communicate, speech, communications and psychology. In college. So the reason why I studied those two topics or two subjects is because I had a very challenging childhood and I grew up in a very unstable environment. So I needed something to make sense of everything I'd been through. And, and I've always had a calling to serve and to support other people. I've always been that. My whole life I've always been thinking about how can I help other people, how can I make an impact on other people's lives? And so it was a natural fit for me to study psychology and communicate and communication, speech communications. And in college, we participated in a series of workshops. And one of them was so mind blowing because the transformation that I have, that I witnessed in other people and in myself in five short days was something that I knew that traditional therapy or psychology wasn't going to get done. And so that's when I said, wait a minute, I want to be a transformational coach, which is different than a therapist and different than a psychologist. And therapy and psychology is amazing. It really serves people. It gets people from the darkest places in their lives to seeing light. And I think that that's very valuable, important. But what I wanted to do was to bring people to a level they have never been before. And so I saw that through the seminars and through the coaching.

So what made it, what makes it different? Because I know there's a lot of people listening and there's a lot of people that seek out therapy and coaching and you know, they've got the one hour session once a week. What makes it different being in like an environment like you witnessed the five days like that, or what you do now?

Well, because in therapy there's limits in terms of how far a therapist can go. There's a whole protocol and, you know, they're working with theories and working with different strategies to support people, patients that are going through specific situations in their lives. What I saw in coaching and training is that coaching and training is more of a performance result oriented environment where, yes, we work with the source of people's challenges and people's limiting beliefs, but really the focus is more on now and future. So what's the future that you want to create? What's the vision that you are committed to accomplishing? And, and as a trainer and as a coach, my job is to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

So why is it that we focus that you see traditional therapy and everything focusing so much on the past? What is that about and why?

Because I think, I think some people need that I think some people have some very traumatic events. That is requires more attention, more, you know, more focus and emphasis and understanding. My challenge with therapy and psychiatry is that it labels people. And so it puts people in boxes called, you know, well, I'm bipolar or I'm depressed or I'm this. And I'm not saying that those are not true, but I don't think that a label for many people allows them to break out of it. And so, yes, you can have a diagnosis. And yes, you know, I respect therapy and I respect psychiatry, and I think it's important for some people to continue that process that they're in. I'm not knocking it. I just believe that in the world of transformation, that we can reinvent ourselves, that we can create something beyond the box that we're in, something beyond the diagnosis. I've had so many people that were in years of therapy that came to my trainings and, you know, in five days, in a weekend, were able to see things they didn't see in 20 years.

Yeah, no, I love that. And I've witnessed this, too, in your trainings. So it is very powerful and incredible. So what it's interesting because I think so many people do live in that past. And those labels, you know, me included, I came in, you know, when I met you, I was. I'm add. I have, you know, it's like I had all these labels that I created based on past experiences. Why do you think society tends to go towards those paths and those labels and support and validate that versus, like, let's be committed to breaking through those things?

Well, because I think society likes to have certainty. And then when we put labels in boxes, it gives us certainty. So we label people while they're ADD or they're, you know, bipolar or they're depressed or they're, you know, hyperactive or they. Or whatever that is. I had a lot of labels placed on me growing up. I was diagnosed with hyperactivity, and I was actually, I was. They gave me Ritalin to calm me down, and, you know, until they realized that Ritalin was not healthy. And then they took that off the market or off the, you know, treatment program, and they gave me something else. And so through high school, I thought, well, I'm hyperactive. That's why I can't study. I'm hyperactive. That's why I can't X, Y and Z. Yeah. And I can't get. I can't excel. So I barely made it through high school and went into, you know, I went to Northeastern University. And I got in. And I remember, you know, when I. When I did the workshop, I was able to reinvent my definition of me. I just think that a lot of times labels limit us. And what I see in my workshops, regardless of trauma or no trauma, we carry a series of limiting beliefs, limiting conversations, limiting labels that become our excuse. That is racket for not taking responsibility, for not stepping out of our comfort zones, for not creating the relationships that we want. So if I have a label called I'm not good at I'm just not smart enough, then whenever there's a challenge thrown at me, I. It's two against one. It's the challenge and the label against me. And then. And then I have a perfect excuse to bail out. One of the things that I broke through in my. My own processes were my limiting beliefs about myself. I had a million of them. I thought I was the worst. I thought I was stupid, not smart enough, not good enough. And I had a lot of evidence to back that up as soon as I started challenging those beliefs and replacing the beliefs, because that's what we need to do. We first need to be aware of the beliefs, accept them, and own them. Because sometimes we have them and we don't realize we have them. We think that we cover it up with, you know, arrogance or whatever, but underneath. Underneath it all, we have these limiting labels. But once I was able to identify and accept them, I was able to replace them.

Oh, I love. Okay, I want you to speak in a little bit into that, because you're definitely preaching to the choir of a lot of the listeners here right now. When you said we cover it up with arrogance or ego, explain what that means, because I don't. I think people that are being perceived as arrogant and ego, they don't even know that they are being perceived like that. So where is that coming from? You mentioned it could be limiting beliefs. I would love to understand a little bit more about that connection.

Well, because we grew up with a definition of power. We grew up with a definition of success. We grew up with definitions of what it means to be a leader. And many people misinterpret or pick up the wrong messaging about what it means to be powerful. And so we think that being powerful is leading by intimidation or by control or by covering up our feelings. And we show our feelings as weakness, and then we show our vulnerability. It's weakness. And so we have these models that we model our leadership style after. And the breakdown with that is that at the end of the day, it ends up Being detrimental to the leader, not instrumental. And so as we start developing new leadership styles, we realize that being a control freak is a racket. And the reason why it becomes a racket is because it's detrimental. There's a huge price. The huge price is people can't be around you. The huge prices, people are afraid of you. The huge price is that it kills relationships. And the reason why we do that, if you're asking like, why do we do that? Because there's a false reward that we get. The false reward is, you know, we. We are seen as leaders. We're seen as powerful, we're seen as successful. We get the job done. You know, we. We. It feels good to have the. We get the results. The problem is that those are false rewards. And the reason why they're false rewards is because you could get bigger results by being loving and empowering and inspiring and by using emotional intelligence.

So, so this. I mean, you're speaking to me because when I met you, that I was. I was a control freak, to say the least. And I all. And it had to be pointed out to me. I don't even know, like, how do you get someone like me? I don't even know how I got to you. Like, how do you get someone like me to see that.

Well, because, you know, one of the things that I appreciate about you is you're a brilliant woman. You've always been smart. That's not something the training gave you. You're a smart woman. And regardless of your belief that you weren't, because you had a limiting belief called you weren't smart enough. And so you would cover it up by the things that you knew, and you would double down on that. Okay, you would double down on, you know, On. On your power and your, you know, results. And I think what you did or went through, and only you can answer that, is you took a step back and you started saying, okay, this is the strategy that I'm using. What's it getting me? What's. What's the price tag? Here's another strategy Chris is offering me. What will be the reward of that? And, wow, this new strategy will minimize my prices and expand my rewards. It just makes sense to use another strategy that isn't going to take a toll on your health or your relationship or, you know, the level of satisfaction because you had success, but you didn't have fulfillment.

Yeah. So that's a good question for listeners to ask themselves, because a lot of times, and I was guilty of this, you judge things by a resume so it's like, okay, well I have this. But then when you look at am I happy, am I fulfilled, are my relationships working? Is all that happening? That's when it's time to like drop that ego and get that help.

Well, that's when you need to really look at, okay, so why am I not fulfilled? Because success without fulfillment is, is failure. I think Anthony Robbins said that once and I really love that definition. Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure because you have the things that, but you don't have the experience. And what's the point of having a house if you can't share it with anybody? What's the point of having, you know, all these things in your life if you're not able to be able to enjoy them, you know, and not able to enjoy your life? And what if we could create a strategy where not only you will be massively successful, but you will be massively fulfilled? And that's what I bring people?

Yeah. No. Okay, so obviously I'm going to tell everyone to go to your trainings, that's for sure, and to get your book. But what, what are some things that they could start like right now? What are some exercises? Like what would you tell a coaching client or would you tell your first talk with somebody? Like some people are just hearing this for the first time. What are to look at?

Yeah, great question. I would, I would have people take inventory. Like something as simple as scale of a 1 to 10, my relationship, whether it's my significant other, if you're in a, if you're married, if you have a boyfriend, a girlfriend, you know, husband, wife, it's complicated, whatever the status is, scale of 1 to 10, 10 being we could not be happier. One is, it's an intensive care. So it's scale of 1 to 10. Where are my relationships? Scale of 1 to 10, where's my self worth? Scale of 1 to 10, where's my health, scale of 1 to 10, my business, finances, recreation. Really take inventory in the areas of your life that are important to you and evaluate where are you and you know, be honest, be brutally honest with yourself. And you know, in my marriage, I'm a three. And then this and then define what that means. I'm a three because there's no communication. I'm a three because I feel stressed out all the time. I'm a three because I don't trust her or him. I'm a three because I don't feel worthy. So give it a number, define the number, what it means and then let's Go to. What would a 10 look like?

Start visualizing that.

Yeah. And then write that and then journal about this. A 10 would be, we're best friends. We have open communication. We're the source. We experience joy with each other. We're both whole and complete, and together we create a whole new dimension. You know, a 10 in my health would be that I've released the 20 pounds I've been hanging on to. You know, so really look at each area of your life, evaluate where you are, where you want to be, and then create a plan of action. And part of the plan of action that I recommend people is hire a coach. You don't have to wait to go to a seminar. Hire a coach, or have a friend of yours that you trust and respect. Be an accountability buddy. An accountability buddy is someone that you share your goals with, share your dreams with, share where you are on that scale of 1 to 10, and then have them hold you accountable to what it is that you say create.

And I'm going to add two things, and I'm curious because as you're saying this, if you're listening, thinking, oh, this is not me, but my partner, but my business person, but my friend, then it is you. I will share that with me. I thought everyone else was the problem. Clearly I had it together. So if that story's going on. Yeah.

Well, even let's say you're at a 10 and you're relationship. Okay. Okay, great. What would a 20 look like?

Right.

In other words, there's never. We never stop growing, we never stop evolving.

Totally.

When we decide.

Yeah, but Chris, what I'm thinking of is the person, because this was me that's saying, okay, I'm, I'm all great together, but my husband needs this work or my business associates.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

If you have that story, it's usually you.

It's. What's the famous, I have a friend who has a problem.

Yeah. Well, I really believed it was my friends that had the problem. I didn't think it was me.

Yeah, yeah. And I think. And I also think another thing you could do, which would be very challenging for some people, is ask for feedback.

Can you talk about that? Explain what feedback means and explain what being in a loving interruption means because you have been. You are both of those things for me. And I would love to hear from you so they can understand what those two things mean.

So feedback is information about what's working or what's not working. And if you're committed to development and you're committed to 2019 being the year with your name on it, then it's important that you find out not just from your own perspective. Yes. Evaluate where you are, but get feedback from the people around you. Feedback is information. And the information you want to get if you're committed to growth is talk to the. You know, to the five closest people in your life that are brutally honest and that won't bullshit you or lie to you and have them be honest with you about the things that they see you need to work on. Chances are if you get defensive, they're hitting the jackpot.

Yeah, that's right.

So they say something, you're like, no, that's not. Oh, wait a minute. You need to kind of take a step back. And to me, feedback is information that lets me know what's working, what's not working. And my favorite kind of feedback is what's not working. Because the feedback about what's not working is where the growth is.

Yeah. And don't. And not to sell out on your friends and people that ask you for it, because I think people do that too. Like, they don't want to hurt their feelings.

Absolutely. And if someone goes, oh, no, you're perfect the way you are, then you ask the wrong person, or you're really.

Intimidating, and that's your feedback.

And they're afraid to tell you. Yeah, right. They're afraid they'll get fired or there's a paycheck in between.

Why are you asking? Yes.

But you want people that will be brutally honest with you. And a loving interruption is when you see someone that is doing something that's detrimental for them. Most people are afraid to speak up. Most people just let people continue on the path that they're on, which is why people continue spinning wheels.

Yeah.

One of the things that I. That I pride myself in being is a committed partner, and that's what I've been for you. Because, you know, I. I've always seen who you could be. I've also seen what's great about who you are, and I've seen the gap. And so there have been times when you've wanted to bail, when you've wanted to quit, when you've wanted to invalidate everything you're going through. But I've been. I've been that. That loving interruption, whether it's a phone call, like, what's going on? And I'll never forget, in the middle of a process, you're like, my life is worse now than before.

I believe it.

I'm like, yeah, well, of course you believe that. And I explained to you that sometimes when you're navigating through the darkness, you got to get through all of it. That's not comfortable. That's not easy. And so I was able to be that interruption in you and saying, look, that's just your limiting belief right now. But what I want you to know is on the other side is going to emerge a Natalie. Jill, you have not been yet.

Mm. Which is true.

Which is totally true.

Yeah.

And your business and everything, everything around you, you know, has transformed in a big way. But I think that we gotta be willing to not buy people's BS and we gotta be willing to be an interruption. And I'd rather be respected than liked.

That's good. Yeah. And, you know, I noticed that especially in the fat loss world, I mean, people are so afraid of offending that they're not being honest. You know, when your. Your relative is. Is an unhealthy mode and we're not saying anything to them.

Well, we're afraid of hurting people's feelings, as if we could. So what we do is we hold people as victims. If I held you as a victim, I would have never said a word to you from day one. But I've always held you as a powerful woman and a powerhouse that has the capacity to create anything. You know, there's limited ability. And so by. If I hold you that way, then I'm able to be honest with you and say, look, what you're doing is detrimental. Stop it. What you're doing isn't working. You know, I was able to be that for you, and I'm not. That's who I am for the. For my clients that I coach. And I'm that way for Lewis Howes, who's my client. I'm that way for, you know, a lot of people. You know, I've coached a lot of people that a lot of your audience knows. Influencers and people that you know are making big noise in the world, but they weren't always making big noise.

Yeah. No. And you're fascinated. It's fascinating to watch you do that. How do you handle like Sue? How do you handle on your own not being in judgment and dealing with your own people pleaser things? I'm assuming you're human, and that comes up sometimes.

Yes. I'm not. I'm not. It's so funny. It's so funny you're asking this because I happen to be on vacation right now, and, you know, I'm taking some time off for me to Recharge my batteries, because that's something I also teach. Take time for you. And I don't just take it at the end of the year. I take time. Like every other month. I'm on vacation, I believe weekend vacations, two day vacations, one day vacation. I believe in every month. Take some time out for you.

Yes.

And now that I'm home, you know, during the holidays, I'm not sure when this is going to come out, but during the holidays, I've had the opportunity to share with people from school that I grew up with. I went to a high school reunion the other day. I've been around family and I find myself, like, some of my old patterns try to kick in. Wanting to please people, wanting approval, you know, wanting to judge away. Because I've got a huge, you know, judgmental person that lives within me. You know, I, you know, out of control.

Yeah.

But because I have these tools, I actually laugh at myself when I see myself going there and I take a deep breath and I ask myself, what would the high ground approach be? Wow. The high ground approach. Acceptance, love, forgiveness, patience. And I also have, you know, I have something that I have that we all create when we go through our workshops, is a personal mantra that really supports me, that when I'm being that side of me that is, I call it the dark side, I'm able to shift out of it very quickly because I replace those beliefs with supportive beliefs.

So, okay, so I. And I have that same mantra. I have my own mantra for that. And sometimes I don't want to hear my mantra. So I'm just being real. So when you, when you get into that, I'm judging. I. I'm bitter, I'm negative. Right now, I know I have a mantra, but I don't want to use it. Do you let yourself go there for a little bit, like, privately at all?

No, I'll just say my mantra. Upset. I'll be upset, like, and then I'll just kind of continue to let it simmer, sink, and I kind of repeat it over and over. I think mantras are very important for everybody, regardless of what work they do. And a mantra basically, is a series of words that remind you of your higher self.

Got it? Yeah.

Everyone, I think we should teach our audience how to create a mantra.

Yeah.

It would start with the word I, because I anchors you in the present. And then you could continue with I am, so I am. And then you could pick 3, 4, 2, 3 four words that represent a challenge for you, that will open up possibilities for you, for example, if you lack confidence, then you'd say, I am confident. If you lack passion, I am passionate.

Yes.

If you lack being loving, I am loving. So you pick words, 2, 3, 4 words that represent challenges for you that are out of your comfort zone. And by using that daily like it's a daily affirmation every single day, whether you feel like it or not. I mean, Natalie, Jill, you're just sharing that there's times you don't feel like it. Yeah, I don't care if I feel like it or I don't feel like it. I do it anyway. And so I choose it anyway. And I find that that mantra, it becomes less about the words the more you use it, and it becomes more about a calm, safe place.

Yeah. And I. And I do love it. And I have mine hanging up and mine for those listening. Mine is a. I'm a presence, playful, loving woman. And because those are challenging words for me, but I've since added the word patient because I desperately need that. So I'm now a present, playful, loving, and patient woman.

I love that. And I am a powerful, passionate, free man. And there's times I feel powerless. There's times I don't feel passionate at all, and there's times I feel trapped. And so when those. When those moments come up, I access my mantra and I use it. And, you know, if you go through our trainings, we do a whole process that's a very deep, powerful process that you're able to really create a massive mantra, which is amazing. But for those of you that don't have access to it, I think a beginning would be. Is to think of the word I am and then think of two to three, sometimes maybe even four words that will be reminders of who you get to be, and also tools that will allow you to step through something.

Yeah, this is great. And everyone can do that and write it down. And even when you don't feel like it, like I didn't this morning, you remind yourself of it. And it's amazing how if you say it enough and you. You start to believe it and you get it in your body.

Oh, I do it all. I use it every day. I was on a flight that was going crazy. It was jumping up and down. I was freaking out my daughter, my dark side was saying, we're going to crash. And I went, wait a minute. No. I'm a powerful, passionate Freeman. And I swear to God, I calmed down, I was relaxed, and the plane smoothed out.

Yeah, you survived it.

Well, you know what? We have. Sometimes we have no control over the turbulence that happens around us, but we always have control over what happens within us. And those mantras.

Yeah. Okay. I have some more questions for you. And these could be about you personally or, like, how you've helped clients with this. How do you help clients or yourself stay focused on, like, bigger vision and purpose and the positivity. When they're in a place of failure.

Or hardship, I have them really double down on their vision. I have them journal on their vision, visualize their vision. And a vision, basically, is the why, the why of what you want in life, the purpose, what's the environment, what's the energy? What's the purpose of your life? If my why is love, if my why is service, if my why is to be the best mom in the world, if my why is whatever, that why is that why will pull me through any turbulence, any darkness.

This is really good.

Yeah.

Because I think people get caught up, so caught up in what's not working.

Well, they get caught up in what's not working, and they don't see beyond that. And. And so for me, it's like. It's like a storm that you're in. Sometimes you're in that storm. And so your why is the ray of light in front of you that you're going towards. And so that's vision, that's possibility. And one of the things I tell my clients is to write a paragraph on their vision. But I don't want results there. I want what's the environment that you want to create in your life? Because at the end of the day, what brings results to our lives is the environment that we live in. The mindset, the context. If you think of the environment of a rainforest. A rainforest is tropical. It's wet, there's shade, it's rainy. And that's an environment. It's a fertile ground that creates orchids. An orchid is a result of the environment. And so a desert is an environment that's hot, it's dry, you know, and there's sand everywhere, and that creates cactus. And so I think sometimes we get caught up in the environment that we're in and not realize that we have the power to create within ourselves our own environment. So what I mean by that is sometimes life is sticky and relationships are crazy, and there's financial hardship and there's breakdowns with your employees, and there's emotional stuff. And so all that is an environment. You have no control over a lot of those things, but you always have control over what's the environment you are committed to creating around you? What's the environment that you want to create in your mind, in your heart, in your soul? And so that's the why. The why is the rainforest. Do you want to live in a rainforest or do you want to be in the hot desert? And so I'm always committed to creating a rainforest of love around me. And so even if it's a desert on the outside, even if it's dry outside and there's cactus being slung my way and I'm being shot at, I still commit myself to creating that environment, that rainforest within myself.

I love that. Because your body really doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's your visioning, you know?

Correct. Yeah. That's amazing what you just said, because when it's dark outside and your body responds to it, then you become dark. But if it's light within you, it doesn't matter. If it's dark outside, it won't affect you.

It's funny, I was interviewing somebody recently on a different episode, and he said that he, you know, he. One thing he doesn't do is he doesn't fly private, even though he's uber successful. And he was flying public the other day and he was so stressed out with the delays and how crowded and everything, and he just closed his eyes. He started envisioning that he was flying private and that he was feeling bad for all these people. Flying, flying public and like what it would feel like when he. That he's flying private and all this is going on, you know, Amazing. And he said he opened his eyes and it like shifted his entire way of being like, all of a sudden he wasn't angry anymore. He wasn't frustrated because he just like basically channeled what it was like to be flying private, even though he wasn't.

Well, that's, that's the same concept I'm using. And basically what I'm saying is you are responsible for the environment you create within you.

That's awesome. And you can control at all times.

And here's the good news. You don't have to be stressed out because stress is the result of. Of the outside environment affecting you.

So you don't need a Xanax. You just need to change it.

You don't need a Xanax. You don't need to drink, you don't need to do drugs. You can actually choose the most powerful tool that you have, which is the power of your imagination.

I love that.

So use your imagination in your favor, Einstein. Said it best. Imagination is more important than knowledge because knowledge is finite and imagination is infinite. And so you could be in this bubble of love surrounded by, you know, violence and anger and whatever. And whatever is out there. You know, we all know what's happening in the world, but you don't have to be at effect of it. You don't have to be a victim of it.

That's so good. So how would you apply that to, like, people that disappoint you? So, like, let's say you have somebody in your life that's maybe toxic or they're not. You're not happy with your boss or your husband. Like, people letting you down, people making you promises. Like, a lot of people get very caught up in what people are doing to them.

Well, I think we allow it. I think that if people are letting you down a lot, it means they could get away with it with you.

Interesting.

Because people don't let me down. They're not. They're either not in my life or they've transformed to the point where they don't do that. So I think that what we permit is what we will persist in our lives. So if you permit people to break their word to you, if you permit for people to cross your boundaries, if you permit people to disrespect you, they will continue to do that. I think that we lack the confidence to create our boundaries and stand by them.

So good.

And if someone's disappointing you and you have a conversation with them called that's not acceptable, and they continue to disappoint you over and over, it means that that person does not care about you. So stop telling yourself the story that that's just the way they are or that, you know, they just have a check. No, they're basically saying, I don't care. Care about you. And so you need to make a decision. Do you want to surround yourself with people who don't give a shit about you? My answer is no. I've fired friends, family members, best friends, people that were close to me, because the results would show that they didn't give a shit. And I'm not going to care about something that doesn't care about me. It's like those people that are like, well, I call and call, they don't call me back. Stop calling.

Pretty simple. Yeah.

Stop texting. I have a. I have a client who's like a big Hollywood star and confidentiality. Can't say his name, but he's a massive star and he's. And he's, you know, he just. He's wrapping a series that was a major hit for many years.

Okay.

And now. And now he's in the middle of an audition for a massive role with Marvel and all that. You know, the Marvel movie.

Yeah.

And he's calling and calling, and I'm like, stop calling. Stop calling. Just be the environment for them to call you.

Yeah.

And if they're not calling you back, move forward. You know, I'm not saying to quit.

Yeah.

But I think. I think it gets to a point where sometimes we need to know when it's time to walk away from something.

Yeah, I like that.

And by the way, he stopped and they called him.

Wow.

Yeah.

Interesting.

I mean, that's how it is. I think that we try to. We push our will through something. And those toxic people in our lives stop carrying them, stop rescuing them.

What would you say then about people that, like, maybe in their business, like, I keep hiring the wrong people or I keep. You know, everyone is scamming me. You know, people have these stories, like, I. It. But it. How do you get them to see that that's. It could be them, not the other people?

Well, it's not. It's not. Could be. It is them. And if you keep hiring people that scam you, if you keep dating people that cheat on you, if you keep hanging out with people, disrespect you, it's you.

It's not the people.

No, it's not the people, because the people will only do what you allow. And so it's matter of check in with the criteria that you're using to hire people. Maybe you're impressed by people's resume or impressed by people's education, but you're not checking out their people skills or their emotional intelligence skills. You know, you're not. You're. You're interviewing people for the wrong reasons. I think the whole interviewing process is off anyway. I've been. I've been brought into big corporations to sit in the interview process. And I've told hr, what you're doing is not creating a leader, you're creating a follower. You know, because the whole interviewing style, I just think that the criteria that we're using needs to be verified in those moments. If you keep attracting same people, it's kind of like another Einstein quote. Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and over, expecting a different result. You know, the common denominator here is you.

Yeah. This is so good, Chris. Oh, my gosh. I have, like a million more questions for you, but I'm going to Be taking up way too much of your time.

I love you. I'm all in. So I'm all for you.

Okay, so I've got a few more that are like critical questions. So what? Okay. Would you find a commonality with people that are successful like, that have achieved massive success? Like, do you find a commonality with who they hang out with and how they spend their time? And what is that?

Well, it depends. It depends on how you define success. Okay, there's. There's successful people that on the outside look successful but on the inside are miserable. Those people hang out with each other.

Okay.

People that cheat on their wives and they feel that they could do anything they want and they do drugs and they party and they're workaholics and there's people like that.

Okay.

So on the outside it looks like, oh, wow, they're massively successful. But when you start pulling the veil, these are people that are in a conspiracy with each other to, you know, basically do life by their own rules. And I seen that and I've been an interruption big time because I had clients that were that way that, you know, the more successful they became, the less they think the rules apply to them. And then they hang out with people like minded people. So it's like, oh, let's go do this for the weekend and no one will know. And so I think that we do attract our tribe. There are other successful people, I think people that are in the path of transformation. I'm not saying they're perfect. They're not perfect.

Yeah, but perfect.

They, the people that are in the path of emotional intelligence and transformation do surround themselves with people that are like minded because they want to, you know, be empowered. They want to support each other, hold each other accountable. I really am a strong believer. Tell me me who you hang out with. I'll tell you who you are.

Really good. Yeah, because yeah, you're right. You're in. You can see it's so true. That whole birds of a feather, like it's really. You can always see those commonalities and people who hang around together and then.

People that are victims surround themselves with victims and they have victim parties and they're always talking trash about people. They're always, you know, demeaning other people. They, you know, they have, they have that commonality. And I think that if you want different results, it also takes hanging out with different people.

Oh, really good. How do you get somebody out of your life that's not right for it anymore?

You don't need to get them Out. They get themselves out.

How?

By being clear about your boundaries and being clear about what your vision is and whatever doesn't line up with that, then you need to say, look, you know, my vision is X, Y and Z. And what's acceptable to me is X, Y and Z. And what I will tolerate is this. And unfortunately you're not showing up in a way that lines up with my vision. And you know, either you show up and shift how you're being and show up in a way that's respectful to my boundaries, or you can't be my life anymore.

So good. You just easily.

Well, because I've had that conversation with many people and I'm talking about people that, that the problem is, is that we make up excuses for people. We have excuses and we have and we justify, we enable. And so for example, I had a friend that was like, like the black tunnel. Like she would just absorb my energy and she, you know, she was struggling all the time and she didn't realize that the reason why she was struggling was because she was so negative and such a victim. And not only was she negative and a victim, but every time she was around me, she would literally try to drain me. And it got to a point where I justified her presence in my life because I've known her since I was 12. She's like a family member. I love her, she's fun. But I didn't realize that being relationship with her came with collateral damage. And the damage was drained, exhausted. I started thinking like her at a point. Like I was like finding myself swaying to the dark side.

Yeah.

And I went, wait a minute, I can't. I can't. I cannot be that person I was 25 years ago. You know, I can't allow this person to contaminate the environment I'm in. So I had a conversation with her. I said, look, I love you, I care about you. But here's who I am today. Here's my vision, here's what I'm committed to. Here are my boundaries and you are crossing every one of them. So you have two choices. Start taking yourself on. Transform yourself, work on yourself, respect my boundaries, or you can no longer be in my life.

I love that. And Chris, you don't even notice. I have this on my phone. I'm going to read it right now. You told me this probably a year ago. So a similar question I asked you and I had it. I wrote it down so I could use it. It said, you are a great person and you've been important in my Life. But I want you to know that in my life, there's no room for anything negative. When you're ready to be positive and you're ready to have a different attitude, welcome back. But until then, I don't want you in my life.

Oh, my God. That's the exact conversation I have.

Yeah, I have it in my phone under my nose.

I love it. I love it. Love it. Well, I tell you, I use that all the time.

Yeah, it's.

And you're not. And you're not being. And you're not being negative. You're not being mean. You're not being. You're being totally empowering.

Yeah. Stands for them. It probably stands for them to completely.

But. And how they take it is really on them. It's not on you if they get upset and they get angry. I had a client, famous singer. He's like, how do I tell my brother I don't want to work with me anymore? I said, very simple. Tell him how valuable he's been and all the things. The positive things that he's been for you and how much you love them and how, unfortunately, given what you're committed to in your life, there's no room for him in your life being the way he's being.

Yeah.

So he. So he fired him in such a lovely way. They're still best. They stay. They still love each other, but they don't work together really good. Whereas he had. He not had that conversation, that person would still be in his life. I think that one of the big problems that. And I'm seeing this more and more recently, and there's so many things that are happening around me that really reveal that to me is we're afraid to.

Tell the truth because we're afraid of hurting people's feelings.

Yeah, we're afraid of hurting people's feelings. We're afraid of losing someone. We're afraid of missing out on something. We're afraid of giving up one of the payoffs. But we don't realize that those fears perpetuate a breakdown.

So good.

Sometimes we gotta tell the truth.

And then we end up snapping and blowing up if we don't. So you got right. It ends bad.

Snapping, blowing up, reacting. And then there's a lawsuit.

Yeah. Or a lawsuit. I wasn't gonna go there, but yeah, I guess there could be a lawsuit.

Of course there could be a lawsuit.

Yeah. Wow. Okay, Chris, if this is my final question that I ask everyone before I tell them all the amazing places they can find you, if somebody right now is listening. And they're in their own personal rock bottom. Maybe their marriage fell apart or their business has exploded in a bad way, whatever their personal rock bottom spot is, but they're like literally starting at their rock bottom spot and they're ready to level up. What are three pieces of advice you would give them so they can start shifting and leveling up?

So, number one, you're a diamond. Regardless of what the circumstances are saying, regardless of what you're going through, remember your value, your worth is untainted, untouched by any event that's happening in your life. No one could touch that. You came into this world as a masterpiece. And so do not let the event you're going through define you. Number two, take responsibility for the situation you're in. You're not a victim. How did you create this? How did you allow this? Or if you didn't create it or allow it, what can you learn from this? Instead of asking why, ask what's the purpose? What for? Not why did this happen to me, but what's the purpose? What's the purpose in the situation I'm going through? What's the learning?

Because why does it matter?

Why does it matter why? You know, why did he cheat on me? Or why did he disrespect me? Or why this or why that? Who cares, really? Look at what's the purpose of what? What this event is serving you or teaching you? What can you learn from this? And finally, the one thing that gets us out of any breakdown is vision. What's your vision? What do you want? Where do you see yourself within a year? What are the top three goals that you want to manifest within a year from where you are? Write them down as if they already happened.

So good.

Surround yourself with support. Support, support, support. You're not alone. You have angels around you. Ask for support. It does not make you weak.

Kris, where can they find more about you? Your book? Where do they go to learn more? Where can they. Where do you want your.

So my book is available in English, Spanish, Kindle, and also audible in my own voice. So you'll have my voice in your ear. And it's called transform youm Life. 10 Principles of Abundance and Prosperity. And it's available on Amazon, so Amazon.com Chris Lee Transform youm Life.

Got it.

I have a new book coming out this year. I'm super excited.

Oh, I didn't know this.

And it's called put your oxygen mask on first. That's a whole nother episode. Natalie. Jill, we can talk about that. Yeah, Put your oxygen mask on first. 30 lessons of 30 years of flying. Okay, so 30 transformational lessons I've learned in the last 30 years. Love that up in the air.

Okay.

You could also catch me on Instagram and it's hrismotivador. So it's like the word motivator but with a D because I'm international at Spanish. So hrismotivador. And Facebook, I have a fan page. Chris Lee, motivational trainer.

Got it. And can they find out where you train, where you do, where you facilitate?

On all my pages? Yes, all my pages have all that information.

Amazing. You're awesome. Thanks, Chris.

I'm so blessed to be in your life and for you to be mine and I'm just grateful to be able to bring this love and the support to your audience.

Thank you. Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over on Instagram @nataliejofit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.