043: The Three Healing Pillars with Danette May

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst, learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. After losing her son during childbirth, Danette May found herself in a deep depression. The depression worsened when her marriage ended in a divorce and she found herself raising her two daughters alone. Finding herself with $47 to her name, she recalls scouring through drawers looking for loose change. Danette knew she was meant for more. It. It was then that she decided to stop being a victim and rewrite her own story. She began to focus on the three pillars of healing. Healing foods, healing movement, and a healing mindset. 3. Three pillars became the foundation of every product or program she's created since then. With this simple philosophy, she transformed her life from having $47 to her name and operating as a single mom to owning a $20 million business helping women around the world. Join us today and learn how Danette leveled up and created everything from nothing. Today, I've got my friend Danette May here. Danette, I'm so happy that you're here. Your name kept coming up as somebody I had to interview on my podcast. So thank you for being here.

I am excited to be here because you have been an inspiration for me so many times. So I'm just excited to have, like, deep conversation with you.

Yay. So, okay, Danette, people look at you, especially me. We look at you online and we see this big empire you've built, and it literally is like a big empire. You've got products, you've got programs, you got retreats. Now you've got. You know, you're speaking all over the place, but I know that you are not always this incredible success story that you are right now. And I would love to know, and I know my audience wants to know who you were before all that.

Wow. Okay. Good question. And I love talking about kind of this gap in between because it kind of still shocks me that it's been about five to seven years of my rock bottom, because I still walk into a Costco at times and still. Because it's still somewhat fresh for me. So five years ago, I had gone through a horrific divorce. Maybe it's been about six now. Horrific Divorce, which led me looking through couches and drawers for any change to raise my single daughters with. We all went through these drawers and couches and came up with $47.63. But before that moment, I had also lost my son and went through what I didn't even know how to even recognize, which was deep depression. All this guilt and shame around losing him and not even knowing who I was. And what happened with that, which I say is my gift now, is it kind of woke me up to all the cruise control and lies that I was living in when with my ex, you know, then he wasn't my ex, but, you know, I was just like, whoa, I'm really in a lot of denial about my life. And it takes sometimes a rock bottom to wake you up and shine light on the dark. So that's where I was that. That is literally where I was. And I was filled with a head full of nonsense, like, I am a terrible mother. I'm a financial ruin. I'm not going to amount to anything, like constant berating thoughts at that time in my life.

Okay, I've got some questions now. So first of all, it was crazy to me because I knew you online, and as other people followed you online, I never knew this story. So I got a bunch of questions, like, one, I want to know how come you never opened up about it publicly? That's a big question. And two, how did you even find yourself in that mess? Like tragedy, you lose a son and did that lead to the divorce? What happened there?

Well, if I'm really truthful around my divorce, I knew from the minute, and I put this in my book because I knew the minute I went to go sign the marriage certificate that it wasn't right because we went to the courthouse and I made us turn around because I felt so sick to my stomach. And I was like, can we do this at a later time for your wedding? We're getting married to get married. And, you know, not to say that he's a bad person, but I believe our souls were kind of somewhat of a mix match. Or maybe my soul knew that there was going to be some heavy stuff that I would have to face and was like creating a lot of anxiety. So I knew. But at the same time, for me, when I got into that relationship, and it's also belief systems around my. In my religion, it's like, you, divorce is really not an option. So it's not something we do. It's in. My parents would never do it. Like, my grandparents never did it. Like, it's just not in my family, nor in my religion. And so I knew it wasn't right from the get go, but I made this, still made the decision. Right. And so then I was in it, and so I stayed in it regardless of all the emotions. So it was just chaos.

So you had kids with him. Were you working with him? Were you in the fitness space online at this time?

Oh, no, not at all. We were like rubbing pennies together always.

So even married, you were financially, yes.

We never worked together. I was never online. What I was always passionate about and what I was doing, that same, similar to what I'm doing today is I was a personal trainer and I would get up at 4am to go train my clients. And I loved every second of it. And I knew that this was my passion, to help people with their minds and their bodies and even their relationships, because I stopped changing everything in their world. And that was my job. And he would go through jobs and lose jobs. And so we were basically running a family on a personal training salary.

Got it. Okay. So you have. You have kids, you have this loss, you're married, you guys are struggling financially. I'm assuming all that played a role in this divorce initially?

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it wasn't that, like I said that he did something wrong or I did something wrong, because ultimately now I can take myself out of the picture and go, it just was maybe not a fit for long term, but it was resulting in a lot of chaos. And then I think when you lose a son, and this is where my compassion for him comes in, you don't. Everyone grieves differently and everyone takes death differently. And I know he took it on in his way and I took it on in my way, which unraveled us in totally different ways, which was a big catalyst for creating the separation, I believe.

So many questions here, because when we're financially struggling, it's even harder to think of going through a divorce. How did you even make that decision that there was something better knowing that you were going to be struggling so much?

Well, so this is what I found out in my relationship, is that I was actually not only raising two kids financially on my own, but him, he was losing jobs all the time and not telling me about it. So ultimately he wasn't even making an income pretty much our whole marriage. So that financial decision wasn't a big one for me. And I know it can be for some couples where you're like, oh, man, we're gonna have to split this up. And this is Hard. I was already rubbing pennies together, so it didn't matter to me in that regard. It's just the biggest wrestle for me was, am I going to ruin my children? Am I going to be like, step into my truth but have it affect them? Was I going to lose my faith with God because I chose to get a divorce, Right. So those were the things that I wrestled with.

Wow. It's a lot. So you leave him, you guys get a divorce, and you say it's horrific. What was horrific about it?

Oh, well, this was part of his pain because, you know, and I can't speak for him, but I'm just gonna say this is my perception. And I love saying this because we often say this is my truth or this is what happened, but the reality is our truth doesn't mean it's the truth. So I say this from my perception and not because it's the truth from my perception. He just unraveled. He was not only dependent on me with love and also these belief systems that you don't get divorced, but he also lost a child with me. I also was his financial resource for years and years and years. So he was losing a lot by me walking away. And that created massive rage within him. So there was threats on my life. There was threats about me abusing him. A lot of legal. I've never even shared this stuff. Like, a lot of accusations about me trying to get the kids away from me that ultimately the judge saw right through. But it was, like, horrific during the time. Like, it was just. I felt like the women in those magazines that we pick up to do our nails or to read on the plane, I couldn't even read those magazines. And I still have a hard time today because I was like, all of a sudden, one of those drama stories. And I was like, this is so out of control. Like, there's constant chaos going on. And then he ended up going and depleting all of our bank accounts, the children's saving greens. Every account was wiped out. And I was taking care of the girls solely so that I found out by buying groceries. And the girls were with me. And I'm like, trying to swipe my credit cards and none of them are working. And I had to leave the groceries in the car and ran to the bank. And they were like, all of your accounts have been zeroed out. And they're like, you have seven accounts. I didn't even know I had seven accounts. For. For years he had been moving money around, opening up accounts with his, and just zeroed them out.

Wow. So, like, literally, things you thought they couldn't get more and worse, and they just kept getting worse.

Yeah. I was living in chaos.

Okay. So that's truly rock bottom. I mean, how do you begin to dig yourself out of that? Because where you were and where you are now is just an incredible journey. So step one, like, how did you even get yourself. Where did the vision come from for what you've created? Like, how did you even get yourself in a mindset to start creating that?

Yeah. And I have to say now, and it's easy to say now, but at the time, I was just angry. But now I say this was a huge gift for me because I had so much pride at that time that I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want to tell anyone, that I didn't. All my bank accounts had been depleted. I didn't want to tell anyone because then it looked like I'd married the wrong guy. Right. So I had so much pride. And that. What that did for me is I got really gritty because when you have children, it's like. And you're faced against, am I going to feed them or not? Like, you get very, very resourceful. I ended up stripping WI fi from the neighbors, like, using their wi fi through the walls. We used tin foil for an antennas. I sold all the furniture. We literally sat on floors. We just got by. Right. And it wasn't that I was like, oh, I'm gonna become an instant success. It was that I. I knew, like, somewhere in my cells that this couldn't possibly be only my journey, that there had to be other people that were going through chaos as well. And it wasn't like, oh, I was like, light bulb moment. I'm gonna make my life my mess. My message, it was this constant, this decision. I would listen to YouTube videos from different motivational speakers. I remember actually typing in motivation inspiration in YouTube in the search column. Pull up any video, and I would listen to it all day long, as often could. I would do it when I'd work out. I would do it while I was in the tub. I would do it making dinner for the girls because I was so berated with negativity in my mind. I was like, I'm going to drown it out with this inspiration. And they all. Every single one of them had the same success pattern. Every single one kind of said the exact same thing. And I was like, well, I have nothing to lose. I might as well just try what they're trying.

You know, it's so Interesting, because I say a lot that you can become an entirely different person by changing your thoughts and actions. And that's basically when you listen to that stuff, it's like you're forcing different thoughts into your mind.

Absolutely. I was completely rewiring. All the stories that had. Were ingrained in my upbringing, ingrained in my moment that at that time, rewiring to be completely different human being to the point where my family actually walked away from me because they were like, we do not know who you are. There is something about you. We can't. We don't recognize this girl anymore. And I knew that it was totally rewired. Everything.

What was, what was something you were doing that was making them think that? Because I know when people start to change, it's like the crabs in the bucket story, right? You know, you start, you start coming out of the misery and people want to pull you back down. Was that what was happening?

I don't, I would never say that my parents wanted me to be in misery. It's just that. And I'm not even going to harp on religion per se because I think religion has some tonality of really good things. Right. But I just feel I was in such an upgrade about certain principles and certain ways of being and doing in my religion that were so ingrained in my family, my ancestors, myself, that when I was making these new decisions around even saying that I can co. Create my life, I actually am not going to go to church. I'm going to do this instead. I'm going to go out in nature. I'm going to change my money story. All of it terrified them because they were like, she's actually not going to go sit in church every day. She. Or every Sunday. She's not going to go to the church things every week. Oh no. Like, what is happening to our daughter?

So more the habits and the actions.

They didn't like, totally.

So where did the idea come from to create this massive. Because I look at it now and it's like this massive brand online. But where did. Was that an initial vision? Did that just grow organically? What happened?

You know, when I was young, I, and this is kind of somewhat the brainwashing with the religion, but I, you know how you just have these thoughts inside of yourselves? Like some people, it might be that they're like, they just are like, like I think of. I'm trying to think of his name, but he loved golf. Like even as a little kid, he just wanted to play golf. Why can I not think of his name? But anyway, people are just kind of predisposed. I always saw myself leading women, and even as a young, young girl, and I thought it wasn't going to be in my religion, so it was always in me. And Even at age 12, I was like, I want to really inspire women to love one another. And I would say this time and I'd be like, I want to have like a bunch of women doing it. So it was always in me. Kind of got silenced once I started having children, kind of being on cruise control. And then it wasn't that I was like, oh, I'm going to create a massive empire. But I did know that I wanted to do something where I could really influence even more people with them. Changing their mindset, them changing their bodies, their healing habits, because I was watching it change my life. And I was like, I know that it's got to help them too. And that's how I found my business partner and how the business started. Because I was like, I don't actually know how to market myself. I actually don't know how to get this out to a mass group of people outside of a brick and mortar. But I knew I needed to. There was just a knowing. I can't describe it any other way.

Yes, you definitely, you clearly had a vision, but you just didn't really know the how or what was coming up first. So, like, where'd you come up with a product idea? When did you start social media? And like, and who's this business partner? And how did you even find him? Or how did that happen?

So I'll start back with the product because I actually started the product before I even met anybody in business because I didn't know anyone. Like, I was living on my own in a farm town in Utah. Like, I was a nobody, right? I barely even. I was like the Facebook girl that would scroll and look at the 300 friends I had and never leave a comment, right? Like, I was like kind of those behind the scenes girls. And I remember I had this old computer that someone was junking because I didn't even have a computer. And what I was doing for my own healing when I had lost my son was I was playing around with superfoods. I've always been into superfoods. Like, that is like my nighttime reading is like, what superfoods around the world affect what in the body. That's already been a passion. So I was like going to the library and learning about it and experimenting in my home and then experimenting, making five ingredient meals and different things and Watching as food was non inflammatory in the body and watching as that was shifting my cloud in my brain, helping with the guilt, helping with energy. So I already was into that. So I started seeing on a different level how this was affecting me with just how I was showing up and how I was feeling in my system before I even shared with anybody else. And then I had a few personal trips I obviously would share with, and they would be like, oh, my gosh, this is amazing. But that was like 15 of them. I also found out on a different cellular level how movement was healing me. Like, I always knew movement was awesome. It helped with depression. We know all the scientific facts about movement, but until you hit massive depression, you finally get it. You finally get how this is going to clear out the cobwebs of your soul. You finally get how powerful movement is. And so I was already starting to see that in my life. Infected into my personal training clients. And then the mindset piece, I was like, whoa. Like, I'm watching my whole world open up to the point where everyone's leaving me, that's in my circle because they think I'm crazy. They think I'm changing so much and they don't really recognize me. And then. So when I wanted to bring this to a lot of people, started doing what I heard about from Wayne Dyer and what I heard about from Deepak Chopra, which was visualization. And I sat down and would do Joppa meditations. And I would sit there and call in a business partner.

Wow.

I was like, I don't know anyone. No one. I have nothing to show for myself to be like, you want to be my business partner? And I would write my books, I would write my recipes on this junkie computer that someone wanted to throw away that literally hummed super loud using the wi fi from the walls of my neighbors. And I would write, I wrote my books, some of my books on there. And obviously they weren't selling, they weren't doing anything, but I just knew to put it down. Obviously I'd give it to my clients and stuff, but that was it. And I literally called in Craig Collins because I would meditate on about somebody who would really get the vision and who understood marketing, because I did not. And I remember feeling this inspiration to get on Twitter Wonk, which I was like, I don't even do Twitter.

Right.

Twitter Wonk lets you know who's trending in certain categories. And I remember I just put in fitness and Right. Number four, right below Oxygen magazine was a name. It was an actual name, not A corporation. And it said Craig Collins. And I was like, huh? It's a name and it says Vail, Colorado. I'm like, I'm gonna find him. So I. And it was like one of those, once again, these cellular feelings, like, I can't even describe it, of just going, you have to pursue this.

See, I wanna, I wanna pause for a second right there because this is, this is really interesting because so many times people hear about visualization or what you just said, calling in, and they think, okay, that's woo woo, I'm shutting it out. But I want everyone to hear that it's not the woo woo thing. It's getting really clear on your vision. And then now all of a sudden, opportunities that you're in front of, you start seeing them different because you're very clear on what you're looking for. Because, like, had you not visualized that, you might have been on Twitter, not even searching that, or not even on Twitter. But it's when you're clear on your vision, that's when you start being able to call those things that haven't come to fruition.

You're absolutely 100% right. Because when you visualize and you call in, like we were saying, calling in, and that's just me visualizing, you better believe you'll get thoughts and ideas that really make sense. Like, I never went on Twitter or wonk. Like that's weird. Yeah, like I even use Twitter. But you'll get thoughts to just go on something and look up something where.

If you weren't clear on your vision, you may not have even done that.

Yes, absolutely. 100%. 100%.

Kind of like when you're, you're about to name your baby and all of a sudden you hear that name all everywhere, you know, or you, you want to, you know, you want to change something on your body and you start noticing everyone's eyebrows because you're doing your eyebrows. It's really that same attraction. Like whatever you're thinking about, you're going to find.

Yeah. Energy is so powerful. And I do this to this day because it's really what's going to take me to the next level as well is I recognize that I can beat down a wall and I can work really hard or I can try to connect with as many people as possible. But if I can sit in my energy and I can sit in my visualization, I move things a lot quicker.

Got it? Yeah. So you meet Craig. So what happens? Do you take a bold move? How do you get them in your Life.

We laugh to this day because you still find these Facebook messages. I would message him over and over. I am this. And I would totally fake it. Like, fake it till you make it. I remember. And I would be like, yours in health, Danette. I'd be like, hey, I have this business idea I would love to share with you. I had no idea what he did or anything like that. I just knew he knew how to, like, do something in fitness and marketing.

Okay.

And so he finally responded back, and he was like, oh, I like young helping young entrepreneurs. I'll jump on a call with you. And I was like, no, I'll drive out and meet you. Like, it was so bold. He. Even if you talk to Craig, he's like, I thought she was so weird into me. Or he couldn't figure out why I would drive out to see him.

Yeah.

And I don't even know why I drive out. I had credits to stay at the Marriott. I barely had enough gas money to get there. And I had credits from the Marriott because I used to work corporate. So I'd saved all these, like, points up from my past job. So I had this credit. So I drove out. I was like, oh, this was so funny. We drove out, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna take him to dinner. But, Natalie, like, I had never once been to a nice restaurant. Like, I was like a McDonald's. Like, I didn't even like McDonald's. I never went out to eat, hardly ever. And he took me to the most expensive seafood place because he didn't even know. He didn't know I was struggling. He didn't know anything about me. And I was gonna pay for his dinner, for his advice. All his advice went over my head. He ordered a seafood dish. I like, was like, I honestly don't know how I'm gonna feed my kids next week. Like, this is outrageous. And I don't even understand a lick of what he's telling me.

Right?

And I left that trip going, oh, man. Like, I hope I planted a seed. But he was just basically like, I'm running my own social media agency. You can hire me. Like, I have no money to hire you. And I laughed. And it literally just took about me still doing every day job of meditation, me every day visualizing. And he. We had exchanged a couple text messages, like, where he was like, how's things going? But that was it. And then I had this idea again to reach out to him and see if he knew Tim Ferriss, of all people, which I'm now Friends with. Which is so funny because I had read his book for our workweek, Four Hour Body, and I was like, I thought I heard Craig name drop him. So. And then he just said, hey, you can fly out and meet me. And you could probably meet Tim. He'll probably be there. We're meeting in San Diego at an event, and I used my pennies again, and I jumped on a plane last minute, and I was able to actually meet with him. I stayed in the house with him and Mike Geary, which is just unreal. That's the power of visualization. And was once again able to share my dream, share my vision. And at that point, Craig was like, I'm having feelings for you.

Yeah. Spoiler alert. He's now your husband.

Yeah.

Okay, so what's really interesting here, too, a few things that I'm picking up on. One, so many people get caught up in what they can't afford and in that scarcity mindset. And you truly did not have the means to be flying out doing this stuff. But your vision was so strong that you found a way. And I don't want to skip over that because that's critical in your success and how you invested in others, invested in yourself, and found a way. Can you speak into that a little bit?

Yeah. Well, I like, because I speak at a lot of now entrepreneurial events, which I find fascinating because they're like, how do you get gritty? And I'm like, you guys, I was sleeping on the floor when this all happened. I had tin foil holding up my antenna. I actually was leaner than I've ever been because I barely ate because all the food went to the kids. And I was hungry enough more for my dream than I was hungry enough for the next couch.

That is so tweetable right there. Like, that is everything. Because why do you think people get so stuck on the money and what they don't have? The lack?

Instead, Because I'm. Yeah, because I'm like, you guys have so much lack. Because I hear that all the time. And I'm like, look at your driving look with all the furniture in your house. Like, sell some stuff. Do what you need to do. Like, I don't know. Like, I was so at rock bottom that I'm like, I was just willing to take on one more client or ask for one more paycheck up in advance so that I could fly out to San Diego. And I was humble enough at this point, thank goodness. After a lot of affirmations and a lot of mind work, I was like, you know, can I stay where you're staying? Like, they had offered for me to stay at this house. I didn't have to pay for an accommodation, which I was like, cha Ching, like, good. Like, just getting really resilient on. How can I, like, get there without spending a lot of money?

I love that you get. You get creative. You find a way. Did you ever have the mindset? Did it ever come in your head? And how did you counter it? Like, like, danette, you can't afford this. This is this. You can't do this. You're taking away from your kids that any of those thoughts come in and how did you.

Sure. I'm sure they did. I was always. I have massive mom guilt. That's like, I'm going to restate that. I actually have really conquered a lot of mom guilt.

Okay.

Because I had a lot of like, okay, if I do this, how does it affect them? Like, that was a constant story a lot of my life, and I've gotten so much better, thank goodness. So I'm sure I thought of that. But it was like, okay, this actually could be the one meeting. And it's funny because some people go to me and go, jeanette, like, how do you find that business partner? I'm like, are you at tnc? Are you at those places? Like, get out there and hustle? Like, that's what I did. Like, you just got to put yourself in the place and your passion, let them know what you're up to, and someone will bite. Someone wants to partner with you.

Yes. I found that time and time again. I can totally validate that. And is when you're clear on your vision, the right people present themselves?

Yes. Yeah.

Okay, so how. Okay, first product. Now what. What happened? What was your very first product? How did you get it out there?

And Natalie, I'm going to laugh because my very first product was Seven Day.

Jump Start, which is, by the way, that's how I met Danette. You guys, this is hysterical. So my first program is called Seven Day Jumpstart, and that's my book in stores now. And at one time when I used to get notifications on Google of, like, you know, when your name is mentioned or whatever, I had Google alerts set up for Natalie, Jill and Natalie and Seven Day Jumpstart. And all of a sudden I start seeing all the Seven Day Jumpstart going to Danette May. I'm like, what the heck? Who is she?

So.

But completely coincidental that we had both started with the same name on the same first Product.

Yeah. And I feel like too, Natalie, this is another side conversation, but I feel like you and I have a lot of resonance on a lot of ideas. I have a feeling and a lot of we want to do. That's why I'm like, oh my gosh.

My new product, by the way, is called Coconut Bliss. I'm just kidding. So I'm kidding. Danette's.

Totally. But I wouldn't even be surprised at this point because I feel like you and I have a similar vibration of what we want to bring to the world. Actually powerful because it means the world needs it. Like if multiple people are thinking of things, it's really powerful. But anyway, that was my book on non inflammatory foods that I was writing on that junkie computer. And Bikini Body, it wasn't. Yeah, it was Eat, Drink and Shrink at the time was my. They kind of came out at the exact same time, but we really had nothing. Like, we didn't even have a list. So we basically took my peanut butter ball recipe and put it up free for an ad on Facebook. Right. So that people would opt in with their email for this recipe. And that is where everything changed. And I think our upsell first was Eat, drink and shrink. 7day didn't actually do very well at first. We really rolled with Eat, Drink and Shrink for a while and then it turned into seven Day or Bikini Body recipes.

Got it. Okay, so. So that starts giving you leverage. And now what's happening with your audience? And when did the vision for even more come?

Well, I always knew I was going to be a lot. Like that was the thing. Like, that's why I was willing to partner with somebody who understood marketing, because I wanted to reach women around the world. I wanted to share a deeper message. And I didn't have the guts at first to share about my loss of my son. I didn't have. I didn't think anybody wanted to hear that stuff. I didn't think they wanted to be involved in any of that dark stuff. And I remember Craig coming to me and he's like, hey, we've been talking. And I know that you don't have not really even shared about this very much and you've never really talked about it. He's like, would you be willing to just talk and have me record it and let me ask you some questions? He's like, we'd really like to make you more relatable. And I. It was the first time someone had really opened up to talk to me about it. And I remember laying on the couch Just like a psychologist patient. Because I never even went to counseling. Right. I just was dealing with this stuff. And he sat there like a friend and asked really deep questions. And I just sobbed as I shared my story for the first time. And he was like, can I we please put this in some copy? And that also made the business grow, obviously, as, you know, once the more vulnerable we're willing to get, the more relatable we are. Everyone unders, like, gets you better.

And so when it's real. And I like that you just shared that, because I think there's. We can one tell online when there's somebody that's trying to just share a story to be relatable or they're being authentic. But the authentic stories, when you can really share what you're dealing with and what you're going through or what you went through, that's highly relatable.

Yeah. And, you know, no one asked me. That's the thing. I think people were afraid to ask me about my loss. They didn't know how to respond to it. They didn't know if I'd want to talk about it. And it felt so good for someone to ask all those questions. And Craig was the first person to do it.

What did happen? How did you lose your son?

Well, the details are in the book. It's so hard to talk about for whatever reason, but there really wasn't anything necessarily wrong. We did autopsies on him, and they couldn't find anything because the doctors were baffled at what happened. So I remember about. I was seven months, and you know how you can feel your baby? Like, I was so lean because I threw up, like my whole pregnancy. I had hyperemesis, so I would throw up. And I was super lean, so I could see every movement in my belly. And remember it was a quiet night. But when you're on cruise control and you know all these lies in your relationship and the lies you're saying about what you believe in and don't believe in, you're really good at shutting off your truth. And I was in that place for sure. And I remember pushing on my belly, like, wanting to see him move, and he wasn't moving. And I had the instant knowing, like, something's wrong. But then I was so good at going, no, like, you're just paranoid. And it would go back and forth. And I literally got up and went and did the dishes. And that's where the guilt hit me, because I probably could have gone in because the next day I started bleeding. And we went to the Hospital. They were like, there's no heartbeat, and they're trying to hurry and get him out. And they were like, he's passed. Oh, yeah. So they brought him in. We got to say our goodbye. And it was a really, really powerful moment in that time at the hospital. But the hard time hit me later. Like, it felt all peaceful at the hospital, and it felt like I knew, and I. I got the message and it was going to be okay. But then I got home, and it was rough.

Yeah. I can't even imagine what that would be like. Yeah. Wow. You've had some serious struggles and hardships. It's really unbelievable and how you've just prevailed. So with your business now, have you had failures along the way to growth in business?

Oh, yeah. I. Oh, my gosh. Okay. One of the one that comes to mind, we've had a lot. So when we started our business, it was growing on via Facebook, and we were using Facebook ads to drive to this peanut butter recipe, peanut butter ball recipe. And we literally get the notification. We're shut down.

I've had that happen.

Yeah. And I remember Craig, because he's never, like, tears up. He's standing in the corner of the kitchen. He's like, I don't know what we're gonna do. Like, we have nothing. We have nowhere else to go. And he's like, we're shut down. Like, we can't do. And I'm just like, this type of girl. And I realized this because I was like, oh, no, we're not. I'm like, I will find someone at the Facebook headquarters. I am not doing anything bad. Right. Like, I know I'm not. So we've just got to get to the bottom of it. He's like, it's not that simple. And I'm like, it's got to be like. And then we were like, we're just gonna figure out a different credit card then and a different name. Like, I am not gonna say no to this. Like, this is my dream. So we got back on. Right. We got shut down again at another time.

Your whole account or the ads?

Oh, the account.

Yeah. That happened to me before, so I totally get that. It's very.

No. Like, basically, you are banned from even having, like, a presence on Facebook. And so that happened twice on Facebook, happened on Google. And, you know, I remember those days being like, oh, crap. But I always knew, like, it was always, always, always would be like, craig, I know, like, some we're just gonna think of something even more creative and something bigger is gonna happen. I don't know where that mindset comes. Maybe it comes from all the YouTube and all the willingness to the visualization every single day. Because when I'm slammed against these things, I never think they're gonna take me under. I just know that there's a new route or there's something bigger coming. And now we've been invited so many times to the Facebook headquarters. They asked us to how they could help us with our new app. Like, I'm like, this is beautiful. Like, it's your downfalls or things that happen doesn't mean it's the end of you. Because this is a huge testament. Like, Facebook is our greatest friend right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't think most people would say that about Facebook right now, so. So hold on to that girl.

Hold on to it for a while now.

Yeah, yeah. Do you ever worry about what other people think of you?

I've kind of learned that one the hard way. And I think that's the beautiful gift in your pain is that it gives you more gritty. It gets you to really see the bigger picture. Because my family decided not to talk to me and my family decided to call me things and now that's all been healed. It makes you not care at a point when other people, because that's so painful for me. People that I love the most say those things. That's painful if I don't know anybody and I don't know them because I don't really know if I care. And you always hear that quote. What other people say about you is none of your business. And I just try to remind myself of that all the time. Like I'm just here for my mission. I'm here for my family. And the rest can fall away.

I love that. I love that now you're so positive and you have such a, like an amazing view that like, things are gonna work out. I'll find somebody. I'll find a way. Are there ever days where you do have self doubt?

No, not really. I know that might sound not like what people want to hear. I just, I do. I feel the pain of things. I do feel disappointed at things. I do feel frustrated at things. I definitely feel those emotions. But never in my cells do I think it's over, it's done for. What's going to come of me? I always. And I think it's because of my fall. I'm like, I'm always going to rise. I'm always going to find out a way and whatever I need to do. So I will feel the emotions and I definitely will go through more hard things in my life. I know it like everyone that's part of growth, but I don't ever feel like it's going to take me under.

And I believe that that's maybe why it doesn't is because you don't even let that thought in.

Yeah, I just don't think, I don't think it's. Yeah, I don't know because I think it's just. I think ultimately we are the co creators of our life. So it's up to me to decide what I visualize. It's up to me to decide my emotion. And I'm just basically an energy ball in this life.

So bring me to how your product got developed now because you went from you had programs and teaching and writing to now cacao bliss and your book.

How did that happen? Oh my gosh. Cacao bliss has been something on my heart for a good maybe two years now. And I remember having this cacao ceremony experience in Costa Rica and it hitting me so hard, like it just was.

Like, what's a cacao ceremony?

Okay, so something that I love to do and this is what I love. This is a little secret that not many people know is I love learning ancient forms of healing. I love learning from different shamanic healers and different parts of the world. And I. And diving into the superfoods because most healing in different, like from indigenous tribes of the Native Americans, indigenous Mayans, they, they use plants or they use like ayahuasca.

Is that.

No, not even that. Like foods that you would eat.

Okay.

And we don't even like use them. Like we don't even understand. Like they use feathers. They use. Oh yeah.

Oh no, we don't need feathers. Okay.

Feathers for healing. Like it's fascinating. Like I've seen a lot of different. I go and do these things because I'm like, whoa. I'm learning so many different forms of healing. And so a cacao ceremony is something that the Mayans, the Aztecas, the Incas, even tribes in Africa, they do still to this day, like all the time. And it's not woo woo. It's not like they're worshiping it. It's just that they understand on a fundamental level what's in cacao. And so they sit in meditation, they sit in celebration drinking cacao as a family or as a tribe or as a village. And they do this typically on full moons or new moons.

Okay.

Yeah. And so what we know now is that on a scientific level, cacao actually rock cacao, it's not just they use ceremonial grade, which means they lay it out in the sun and let the sun kiss it. But it contains these chemicals that are like unbelievable. Anandamide. There's only two foods in the world that contain this chemical. And it's basically the bliss chemical. It creates bliss in the body. And then the theobromine actually helps with more focus, so you can actually write more effectively, meditate deeper, just stay more focused. And this is like at the hands of everyone, right? And no one knows this stuff like it. Maybe now they're starting to understand. But it's like you have this superfood that can help you feel more love and feel more connected, enhance your relationship, turn on your brain. Like, help your immune.

It's chocolate.

Yeah. And it's chocolate. So, yeah, when I had that first cacao ceremony, I remember going, I'm supposed to bring this to the masses. Like, I need to go back to remembering that they consume this thing. They can set an intention with this thing and start their day off. I wrote so many, like, so all the pages of my book. Other eyes drinking cacao. Like, I drink cacao every day with an intention. And I see my meditations, my visions, my writing, my focus. Go to the next level.

That is power. And it sounds. This is really what took your business to the next level, Correct?

It is now. Yeah. Like, it's unbelievable. And it's. So, Natalie, I'll sell you this. I've been wanting to do cacao for a good year and a half and went to my business partners. We just don't. We don't know how to do that. We don't have the bandwidth. And I'm like, you guys, like, I know this is going to be big. Yeah. They couldn't see it. No one could see it. And I want to say, because a lot of times people are going to be sure you're going to share your dream, and most people are not going to get it, and it's not theirs to get because it's your dream and you felt they did not. So I like beat at the door over this for a long time, sharing the full recipe of cacao bliss to my whole community. Because I was making it for a year, giving it to them. Like, they totally were making it on their own, drinking it, loving it. I was like, you guys, we've got to do this. And it finally took hold that they were like, okay, we'll try it. But they didn't even really have a lot of faith in it. I Was like, whatever. You're just.

Why it works, though. I can tell you right now just from hearing your story, and I hope people are hearing this. It has nothing to do ever with a product. It's the purpose and passion behind it. And the purpose passion behind anything mixed with good ingredients. When you have to obviously use good ingredients and source things, it has. The product has to work and be great, but it's the purpose and passion. Just like looking at you and I and our first product with seven day Jumpstart. We weren't the first ones to do a book on how to eat better over seven days, but it was the purpose and passion behind it that is contagious, that people like and resonate and land with. And that is. I feel the gem and the commonality with anyone I've interviewed that's been successful is their purpose and passion was very evident.

Ooh, I love that. I love that you're bringing that to light, because I believe that too. That's so powerful.

So, okay, I've got some habit questions for you because you guys, her business is highly successful with her brand, with her book, with her product now. But I want to know some habits, like right now. And I have. I have a juice question I haven't asked yet. I got to know how did the business partner turn into a husband? Let's go with that first. When and how did that happen?

Well, okay, this is a pg.

But I just want to know.

Oh, this is interesting story. So I am camping in Hawaii because I'm invited to this wedding. But I have no pennies to rub together, right? So I'm camping. I get my ticket, I take a buddy pass ticket to Hawaii and I have to camp to go to this wedding and shower outside to get ready.

For that would not happen in my world. I couldn't do it.

This is me. But this was like my best blessing. So I. Something about Hawaii, the waves, the sand. I was doing my meditation, and I'm like, I'm gonna call in my business partner and I'm also gonna call in my next man, like, full on in this drop of meditation. You'll have to look up that Joppa meditation, guys. Or my book, the Rise, because I explain exactly how you do it because it's taken my life to the next level. And I'm like, doing it. And I'm like, loud as I can be. Like, I'm so loud because can be because I'm on a beach by a campground with the waves drowning out my sound. And I'm like, in it Unleashed fully. Whereas this drop of meditation, I'm somewhat like, can anyone hear me? Am I sounding like a freak? And so it holds me back a little bit. So I'm sitting and I'm calling it Craig. Seriously, the same date. Now we've referenced it back. He's, like, looking at me on Facebook and going, I have feelings for her. I don't know. I have feelings for her. And I am literally calling in my man, like, calling him in, and he's having these feelings for me. He literally texts me when I'm in Hawaii, and he's like, I don't know if this is inappropriate, but I just was thinking about you, and I just. I don't know why. And I was like, oh, I know why. Yeah. But I let it go. I let it go because I didn't really know him that well to know anything beyond that. But I was like, whoa, that's fascinating. That was fast. And then, you know, of course, I had a lot of trust issues, so he had to really work for it. But I don't know. It was a slow process. We talked on the phone once. He disclaimed that he liked me when I met him in San Diego. When I met San Diego, he claimed he had feelings for me. He left that night, and I was like, we'll see. And he called me every day at the exact time he said he was going to call. And we talked probably for a good six months before we ever saw each other again. Every single day.

Wow.

So it created a lot of trust. It created a lot of understanding of one another, too, because we just did. There wasn't any physical to get in the way. Right. So we were just getting to know each other, and then, you know, we just started flying back and forth and seeing each other and dating. So, yeah, he knew right away. And I kind of felt. I felt like I loved him right away, too, which is really.

Is it weird working with your husband? Now he's your husband. Is it weird working with your husband?

We had a really rough time the first year.

Okay.

To the point where we got to going, it's either our marriage or the business.

Brooks and I are very familiar with that conversation. Conversation.

I was obviously, I'm type A. He's type A. He was trying to manage me, and I was like, what are you doing? Like me. And also, I could see that we both had limiting beliefs that we had to work on individually in our relationship and business and how much money we were gonna make. We were still growing at that point, and so that was Kind of coming up in our relationship. And we literally got to this point where we were like, it's one or the other. Which one is it? And I was like, well, I think the marriage. And we both knew it was going to be the marriage. So he was like, all right, I have a decision. I either back away. And we were trying to actually get who. Who's. I'm not gonna say his name. He's kicking himself because we were like, you can take over. You can be that percentage with me. And he's like, why did I not do it? But because Craig's like, I'm backing out in our relationship. But no, but that other guy didn't. And he was the only one we were willing to. To do it with. And he was like, no. And so Craig made a mental decision. He said, I'm not gonna say, tell Danette to do what she's gonna do, whatever she wants to do.

I love that.

Anything about it.

I'm about to book a conversation with Craig and Brooks. I'm just kidding. No, I love it. I love it. Okay, so I have some habit questions I want to know. And I can't believe we're almost like gone through that. Flew through an hour together, but I want to know. I have some questions that I've asked everyone. Like, how do you start your days? Are you one of those people with, like a regime morning routine?

Or are you more normal, where you.

Kind of go with the flow? I'm curious about that.

I have. I have a pretty system I like to do. Granted, I'm not going to say it happens every single day. It happens probably 80%.

See, I like that. I like that you just said that. That's what I meant by more normal. I get intimidated when people are like, every day, no matter what, 4:30am, I'm like, is that really true? So thank you.

I have a hard time believing that.

Yeah. Okay. I like that you're human.

I'm like, ah, come on.

There's probably like, I intend to get up at the same time every day. Just doesn't always happen.

Yeah. And I start off with lemon water. For me, that's a really big deal. I think it's a. It's a mental and emotional decision that helps me remember to balance and homeostase my body. So I do that. And then I always do soul writing. So sometimes. So I want to say soul writing has been game changing for me.

What's soul writing?

Soul writing is this. So you sit down and you don't. This is where I Want to be really clear with people. You don't have an expectation at how long it has to be, or you'll never continue to do it. Every day, because I have little kids, my daughter will come out. I'll be in the middle of soul riding, like, two minutes, because I love soul riding. It's juicy. And she'll come out, and I'm getting. I don't want to get frustrated, so I just, like, stop it. So sometimes it's two minutes. Sometimes you get 30 minutes. But it's where I basically ask. I will write in my journal, what do you want me to know? And then I write whatever comes up. It is what made us do lives to Facebook. It's made decisions about my daughter. Not decisions. Things about my daughter that I've been like, this came up in my soul writing. Is this what's going on? And she's like, oh, my gosh. How do you know? That's incredible.

I'm gonna start implementing this. I love it.

Yeah. And you can ask specific questions, too, and then just. Just invite your soul to speak. And then don't judge yourself. Like, write whatever comes out, because some weird stuff might come out. You're like, whoa, what's that? Later.

Okay. Don't judge yourself. Got it.

Yeah. Don't judge yourself and just let it flow, and you'll get better and better at it, where you're really tapping into deep, deep inspiration. So that's what I do. And then I do affirmations. I never stop with that, but that takes, like, 10 to 30 seconds. I just say I'm kind of whisper them to myself. Sometimes they're in my head, Sometimes they're out loud.

I love that. And then your circle. I know you said you really had a big change going through everything. Like, what types of people do you surround yourself with?

Ooh, positive people. So that is a really big one for me. To the point where I've moved hairdressers that does an amazing job on my hair because they're gossiping with one another. I'm like, I truly, like, want to keep my energy space. I live on top of a mountain, Natalie. So I'm not around a lot of people ever, but the ones that if I am going to be in a space, I want to be around people that have love in their hearts and really care about helping people and really care about themselves and loving themselves. It's just a big deal to me. Yeah.

Yeah, that's good. And then I have a final question I've asked everybody, and I'm curious your take on this. So if, if you came across somebody now that is in their own rock bottom, maybe they're where you were or maybe it's just totally different. Maybe they lost their business. Whatever it is, it's their own personal rock bottom. But they're stuck and they don't know how to get out of it. Do you have three pieces of advice you would give them so they can start digging their way out?

First, I want to say no one's ever stuck. That's a misconception that we believe that something is stuck. So first know you're never stuck. Energy is never stuck. Cells are never turned off, so you're never stuck. You just get to navigate a new path. And then two is I love this quote. Small hinges move big doors.

I love that.

Yeah. So think of the most beautiful big door that you can think of and then think of the small three hinges that is opening that door. You don't have to do something big to make a big difference. Just think of three things you can do today and every day that are small, that are going to move your big door.

That's awesome. Danette, thank you so much for being here and letting me interview you.

Thank you Natalie. It's been an honor. I love, love your questions and I loved spending this time with you and I don't say that lightly because sometimes I don't enjoy it as much. But this was like fast.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over on Instagram @nataliejofit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.