072: Beating Your Demons and Reinventing Yourself with Doug Bopst

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, Fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. As a former felon and drug addict, Doug Bopes had a history and it's now a distant memory. He chose to use his time locked up to beat his demons and reinvent himself. Working out and learning how to eat right from his cellmate, he transformed himself while in prison. He is now on a mission to help others integrate the lessons he learned. He's been featured nationally on media outlets such as the Today Show, Men's Health, Gold Coast, Cheddar, Dr. Drew, and more. Now a three time author of Faith Family Fitness, From Felony to Fitness to Free and finally the Heart of Recovery, he's helped hundreds of people improve their life and wellness. Join in today and learn exactly how Doug Post levels up and created everything from nothing. Today on Leveling Up, I've got Doug Boves. Now, he is a personal trainer, but he's also a three time offer. And what makes him especially unique is his recovery of addiction and how he has used that to fuel his passion. And his newest book, Heart of Recovery is available and I am so excited to interview today. Doug, thank you for being here.

Thanks for having me, Natalie. I mean, I'm really grateful for the opportunity to be able to share my message on your show.

So, Doug, three books now in this is not always who you were. Take us back. Like, who were you before you became an author when you were in the throes of, of what you were struggling with? Take us back to who you were and how that happened.

You know, I was the guy you didn't want your daughter to date, the guy you didn't want your son to be around. And I never thought in a million years that I'd be here sharing my story. I mean, you know, back in 2008, I was incarcerated on felony drug charges. I was in the depths of despair. I was suicidal. I was hopeless. I had no idea if I'd make it to see my 25th birthday. And during my few months I spent in jail, my cellmate encouraged me to start working out, which I'd never formally done. I was always like the heavier kid. I Wasn't athletic. And I struggled with self confidence and self esteem. So drugs were something I cling to, to, to self medicate. And when he started to get me to exercise, I couldn't do a push up, you know, not even from my knees. And it just really struck a nerve with me because I said, hey man, like, why can't I do a push up? And he looked at me, he's like, you're fat. And I hated that word. That word to me, like, made me cringe. Like, I hated being called fat. And I had nothing else better to do in jail but to really work on myself. And at first I was the guy that was blaming other people, saying, woe is me. And he said, you know, Doug, you can be a man or you can be a wuss. He's like, you can be a man and accept responsibility for what got you here, which for me was selling drugs. And you know, know that it's up to you to change your life or you can be a wuss and go cry in the corner, blame everybody else for your problems, and do what everybody normally does. So that was like, what really started my transformation was with the help of my cellmate in jail.

Okay, so take me back because I've got a lot of questions even leading up to that. So, okay, first and foremost, why were you in jail? You said drugs, but what, how does that happen?

So, I mean, I was self medicating from like the age of like 14 all the way until 21 withwith drugs. And it started with me smoking pot when I was 14. I was super insecure. I was picked on in school, I was rejected by a lot of girls. I was always, like I said, overweight. And so I started smoking pot. And when I started smoking pot, I felt like this monkey come off my back. I felt like I could be comfortable in my own skin. I felt like that any troubles or pain I had was gone. And I loved that feeling and I wanted to get more of it and do what I needed to do. So I started selling it to support my habit. Because when you're making like $7 an hour, whatever I was making, washing dish, I can't afford to buy a lot of pot. And that really caused some strain with my relationship with my mom and my dad because they were divorced. It was a rough divorce. They barely really talked to each other through the divorce. And my mom ended up kicking me out on my 16th birthday, which is a real big turning point for me in my youth. I mean, I felt rejected, I felt abandoned. I mean, she did the best she could, and I love her dearly and she's a great person, but, you know, I'd made some really poor decisions that led her to do that. So I started developing some pretty bad depression anxiety because I just wasn't happy with who I was. And one thing other than the next, and I'm, you know, self medicating with, with painkillers and one 5 milligram Percocet, turned into me putting a couple hundred milligrams of OxyContin up my nose every day. And to the point where I needed to do a couple pills to get out of bed. And then to support that habit, I was selling a lot of pot. And on Cinco de Mayo 2008, everything came to a head. I was riding around with a few of my friends to go pick up some oxycontin, had a busted headlight out, and I flashed my high beams at a police officer who was running radar, which wasn't, obviously wasn't the smartest thing to do on Cinco de Mayo at night. And he pulled me over and I just. I knew at my, at that point my life was over. I mean, my heart went to the. Into the pit of my stomach. I was. My heart was racing. I was like starting to tear up. I was scared for my life. And one thing led the next. He searched my car and found a half a pound of pot, $2,000 in cash, and that's what got me arrested.

Okay, so back up a minute, because at I think of age 14, my daughter's 11. That's very young. It's 13 years past that. How do you even, like, at age 14, how are you even getting access to drugs? How do you even know what this is? Is this something in school? Are you asking for it? Like, where did, like, I want, I want to go through the journey here. So, because this is, this is big, like, so, like, what was your relationship with your parents and how did you even find out about drugs to begin with at age 14?

Yeah, so my parents were divorced, like I said, when I was 5. And we were kind of bouncing around from house to house because they had split custody and, you know, they both were dealing with their own stuff from the divorce. So I kind of was the kid who always had self confidence and self esteem issues because I loved sports. I wasn't very good at them. I never had any luck with girls, and I always gained weight at a young age. I mean, I ate the same as my friends, but my genetically, it just didn't work. For me. And. Right. So I ended up, you know, just hanging around the wrong crowd, trying to fit in, trying to, like, you know, impress people with things that, you know, I shouldn't have even been using to impress people, you know, trying to fit in all the parties. And, you know, one of my friends just happened to say, hey, you know, have you ever tried pot? And I didn't really know much about it. I just knew that I was like, man, I'm going to rebel in whatever way I can to be the cool kid. And when I smoked it for the first time, like, I literally, like, felt like this numbing. Like, I felt like I could be comfortable in my own skin. I felt like any insecurities I had, I didn't have to worry about anymore, you know, because, I mean, back then, like, you know, I was. It was one of. I was the only. One of the only kids that I hung around with whose parents were split. And I just had a lot of questions, and I was wondering, why me? I had that victim mentality, and I would do whatever I could to feel differently and alter the way my mind felt. And one thing led to the next, and I just decided I needed to start selling it to support my habit, because I loved feeling numb. Like, that was my thing.

Did your parents know that you were smoking pot? And did they turn an eye or did they not have any eyes? Were you hiding it from them?

I hid it from them for a while. My mom ended up finding out that I was smoking, and it caused the wedge in our relationship. Because back then, I'm talking, you know, this is, you know, 15 years ago or more. It's like pot was, like, the bad thing back then. That was, like, very, very stigmatized, and that was, like, what parents were worried about. And so I. It caused an immediate wedge in our relationship. And I. Obviously, as a kid, you know, you. If your mom or dad tells you not to do something, you want to do more of it, and you want to rebel and you want to fight back. And that's kind of what I did with my mom. And, you know, I ended up getting kicked out, like I said, when I was 16, because I had a party when she was in the hospital, which I wasn't proud of. But again, I was trying to act out whatever way I could and be the cool kid who had the party. I was then selling pot to support my habit. And on my 16th birthday, she walked in on me weighing out some pot to give to a friend. And then I got kicked out and went up to my Dad's house, changed schools the next day. And my dad and I, I mean, you know, he's, He's a great guy, but him, him and I have always had a tense relationship. We just never really saw eye to eye. And I just really took it personally that I got shipped up to my dad's house because she knew I didn't like living there.

Because your mom was probably, I would imagine, at a loss. She probably just didn't even know what to do with you at that point.

Yeah, I mean, she just didn't know how to handle it. And I ended up finding it out years later. She. She has Ms. So. Ms. And stress, when it doesn't, it doesn't help, you know, make anything better. And, you know, so she did the best she could. And I don't, I don't blame her. It's made me who. The man. The man I am today. I mean, we have a great relationship now. We're closer than we ever have been. I mean, just because time heals wounds and the more vulnerable we both got with each other, the better it's become.

So how does pot turn into a drug addiction? Like, how did you even get that first pill for oxy? You said you got a Percocet to Oxycontin. How does that even happen?

The problem with it was, is that I was doing it to self medicate some trauma and everything that I just told you I had going on, so I needed to feel numb when I did it. And so the more I did it, the more of a tolerance I built up because I was developing more of a habit. And the more drugs I was selling, the more people I met in the drug community that were selling other drugs. Stuff like cocaine, fentanyl at the time, you know, mushrooms, all that stuff. And I, all my friends and I did was he rode around and smoked pot. That's all. That's an old it, right. And we would cut class and smoke. And I started developing really bad anxiety when I was around like 17 or 18 years old, to the point where I was in the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack, but it was really just a panic attack. And at that point I was like, wow. Like any. Anytime I smoked pot, then I would develop anxiety. So I was like, well, what am I going to do if I can't smoke pot with my friends?

Unusual thing. Like I would, I've heard that most people, like, they'll turn to pot to calm down anxiety.

Yeah. I mean, what people don't know is it's Pots classified as a hallucinogen. So for a small percentage of people, it causes paranoia. And I smoked so much pot, I think I just literally smoked myself stupid. I don't know, but. And I just ended up kind of getting to a point where I had to make a choice whether I was going to keep the same friends and keep smoking pot or find new ones. And I wasn't emotionally ready to find two friends. And so I just decided. Decided to do what I needed to do to stay with them. And one of my friends just happened to have some Percocets, and he's like, hey, you want to try this Percocet and it'll calm you down. And I tried it. And then again, I felt that same monkey come off my back that I felt when I first started smoking pot. And I just started self medicating with the Percocets to then support being able to smoke pot with my friends. And then, you know, Percocets are highly addictive. And, you know, I developed. I was. I was spending like 200 hours a day on. On painkillers to the point where like, yeah, like half my left nostril was like missing from.

Because you were. You were not just swallowing it, you were literally snorting it.

Yeah, that's all I would do is snort them. That's all I would. It was. It was really terrible.

When you were doing this. Did you know it was wrong or was it like, I'm just gonna do anything to feel comfortable? Like, I. And I'm just. I'm asking because a lot of people listening, they don't even understand. Maybe they know other people in their lives dealing with drugs, but they don't know themselves or know how to deal with it. Like, what goes on through your mind? Like, do you know it's something wrong? Do you know it's. Or do you know that you're hiding from people? Do you not know what's wrong? Like, what goes through your mind?

Yeah, I mean, I think every bit of me knew the life I was living was wrong. And that's why I think I had so much anxiety back in the day, because I knew deep down that it wasn't who I wanted to be. And you'll do anything to numb that pain. You'll do. You'll hurt anybody, you'll steal from anybody, you'll manipulate anybody. And so it wasn't like I was a bad person. I just was really using some really bad things to self medicate. I was linking a feeling to a behavior, meaning that whenever I Felt anxious, I would pop a Percocet or whenever I felt depressed, I would do this or that. And I knew that, you know, what I was doing was completely like not good. But the further along I got into my addiction, the more it seemed normal because that's what everybody else around me was doing. I had lost touch with anybody who had any sort of, you know, passion for success, for real success in life. And you know, I just wanted to numb the pain. And to be honest, like, there was a point where I just didn't want to live anymore because I just knew I just had no self esteem, I had no confidence in myself. Like I was overweight and I just felt like a complete piece of crap. And I lost several of my friends to either, you know, drugs or drinking and driving when I was younger. So I mean, you know, death to me wasn't. It's not like I was weighing that out or ruling that out. Excuse me. So, yeah, I mean, it's never like, it's never like the person really. It's just more like the behaviors that influence these, these decisions to get worse.

Why don't people in that situation and why didn't you ask for help? So like, if you're in this situation where you're basically doing anything to get money or to support this habit, and you know it's wrong and you know it's oppressed and it's almost like you're hiding this bad habit from people or the, you're not from the wrong people because they're. That's the people that are in your life. Why don't people ask for help or go to rehab or say, hey, this isn't right and ask their parents for help. Like what goes on? There's.

Well, I think for me because of the choices I made as a kid and I was. I got kicked out of my mom's house and then, you know, I was out of my. Kicked out of my dad's house. So it wasn't. I didn't. My relationship with my parents back then was pretty torn. My grandparents were always there for me and still are to this day. But you know, I was ashamed too of who I'd become. I was like, everybody knew what I was doing. Like, people knew me as the guy who sold drugs. People's parents didn't want me around them at times. And so it just. As much as I wanted to ask for help, I knew that was like me copping out in a way. I mean, it sounds weird, but like when you're immersed in that environment and everybody around you is doing it. It seems like it gets normalized after a while to the point where you don't know what's normal. You don't know that you should be raising your hand and going and getting help because, you know, you have this ego and you almost become narcissistic that you know there's no way that anybody's gonna be able to fix you and that. That you know it. That I know it all and nobody know was gonna know how to deal with my problems. And. But thankfully, I. I got myself into enough trouble where, like, I got. I had to get humbled enough to change the way I was living.

So before we go into that, I have a lot of questions about that. And when you did hit that rock bottom and when you were arrested and in jail and had that ul, what, like, what would be the right thing for somebody to have done? Like, before you got arrested, when you were in that situation, like, what would have been the right thing for your parents to have done or. And I'm asking this because there are people listening right now that have a loved one, a family member, a child going through this. Like, they don't even know. So the child's actually. Or whoever is hiding it like you were, you know, doing it, managing coping. What would have been the right thing for a friend or a parent or a teacher or somebody to have said to you?

Well, I think going back, and this goes back to the conversations I've had with my mom, you know, we've kind of really gotten vulnerable with each other about how we felt, about how the situations got handled. And the one thing I said to her that I encourage people to listen is that you ask, like, why they're. They're doing drugs and not what. Not the thing that they are. Because nobody really wants to be addicted to drugs. There's something inside of them. And I think addiction is an internal disease that's displayed externally. Meaning, like, all the acting out, you know, the lying, the abuse and all that stuff, there's something going on internally and also, like, you know, to raise your hand and know that there's no shame in it. Because as I talk to a lot of parents and I always say to them, would you rather be telling your friends that your kid has an addiction problem or telling them that your kid's dead? Because I think that's the biggest stigma, I think, is shame around parents wanting to talk to other parents, tell their friends, or have a support group because they feel like they failed as a parent when really I Mean, life's. The world is a tough place, you know, and you can't put that burden on your shoulders. I mean, to take responsibility for that means, sure, like, you know, there's. Everybody has their hand in the game at some level, but it's not enough to really take complete blame for something like that.

So based on what you just said, you. If your parents had said to you, why are you doing it or what's going on that you feel you need to do that you feel you would have opened up to them at that point?

I mean, I think it would have. I think if I had felt like more loved from the beginning, from that situation, and it wasn't like I was doing something like completely terrible, that I probably wouldn't have had as much of my guard up. But I was already ashamed enough because I had felt like I had failed and I felt just, you know, really ashamed of who I'd become. I mean, I was. I was a kid who. Who rebelled just because I was. I was dealing with a lot of insecure, insecurity issues and shame just from my parents being divorced and being picked on in school that I was just being, you know, self. I was self inflicting myself whatever way I could. But I think, like, if I were me back then, I mean, if I had a great relationship with my parents and, you know, that was different, I would have been, I think, a little bit more, you know, willing to raise my hand and ask for help. But again, like, treatment's really expensive and you know, I know my parent, my family situation, I don't know if they could have afforded treatment, but, you know, I think I would at least have been able to been more open about it had the situation been a little different.

Okay, so now you get pulled over, you have the. You put your high beams onto a cop, which you realize is a mistake, they search your car, they find the marijuana, and so literally, you're arrested for that. That's what you. That was the initial thing.

Yeah, they. They arrested me with a half a pound of pot and they found a scale and a bunch a couple thousand dollars in cash. So it was enough evidence for them to charge me with a felony and to. With the intent to distribute marijuana, especially when attempt to distribute marijuana.

So did you fight it? Did you just say, this is it? I know this is what's going on. This is what's happening. What happened then?

I was a really bad kid, Natalie. I mean, I. My grandparents were like always my saving grace. And they're like, all right, we're going to give you. We'll give you a few thousand dollars for a lawyer to help you out. So then, like, shortly after, you know, they shared that with me, my car blew up because I put 70,000 miles on my. On my car didn't take care of it. And so I needed a car. And they're like, all right, you can use the money for the lawyer or the car. And I picked the car because I was like, well, I don't have a car. I'm not gonna be able to get drugs.

Oh, my gosh, you really. You really had an addiction to us. Yeah.

Yeah. So then. So I got arrested in May, and then September I went to court and I had like, my dad got me a. Just like a general law. It was like he wasn't a public defender, but he wasn't like a high end criminal lawyer. He was like a lawyer just to make sure that I had some sort of representation. And. And I. I had never been a, you know, had any adult record or anything, but the judge. I was in a very conservative county, which, I mean, thankfully I was, because it really taught me a lesson. And he sentenced me to five years, which was the maximum sentence, but suspended everything but 90 days, meaning if I, like, messed up at any point, you know, after that, I could, you know, see the full sentence. And then he gave me five years of probation, 200 hours community service, all kinds of drug classes and fines. But the cool thing was he looked at me, which it's cool now, back then, I didn't think anything of it. He said, doug, you're young, you're 20 years old. This felony conviction is going to haunt you the rest of your life. He's like, but I'm going to give you a second chance. He's like, if you complete everything without messing up, no missed probation appointments, no failed drug tests, you do your community service. I'll take the felony conviction off your record at the end of the five years. And here I am 20 years old. I didn't think I was gonna live to see 25. I mean, I was high then. I was gonna get high when I got out. I mean, I just had no, you.

Were gonna get through it just to get to be able to do drugs again.

Yeah, I mean, I didn't. Everybody was like, aren't you so happy he gave you that chance? And I was like, yeah, it doesn't matter. Like, what's it matter? Like, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna make it. I had no. I had no hope because to that Point, I had been using drugs straight through to medic, to self medicate for seven, almost seven years straight. So, like, I was like, how am I gonna. Am I all of a sudden going to stop doing drugs?

Were you literally thinking, like, I'm gonna do all these things and how am I gonna do it without drugs?

Yeah, I mean, I. I knew I had all these. All this jail time ahead of me. And he said to me, he's like, if I. If I see you again in my courtroom, you're gonna be sharing a cell with Bubba. And I was like, and of course, there's no way I would have made it more than, you know, three seconds in a cell with Bubba. I mean, I was so out of shape. I mean, I could have been a model for pillows Bear. That's what I tell people. And. And so I was pretty scared because I was scared of jail. I mean, all the stigma around. Around jail, all the stuff you think goes on in there. And then also, I just. I didn't know where I was gonna head. I mean, I had everybody disappointed in me. I mean, you know, not many people really believed in me. I didn't believe myself. I mean, I was just completely defeated. And, you know, I can really say that jail saved my life and helped me find fitness, which has really, you know, propelled me to where I'm at today.

So before I get into that, because I got a lot of questions around that. Why do you think you hated so much? And we're trying so hard to hide from feelings like, what, what that first place of turning to marijuana and really liking it, and then ultimately the Percocet and all of that. Like, why do you think you hated yourself so much or that you were trying to escape feeling so much?

I just felt like I wasn't enough. I felt like I just wasn't, you know, I was never going to fit in. I felt like I was never going to be loved because I had, like, literally, when I say I had no success with girls, like, I had no success with girls. Like, I literally, like, people had told me when I was in school, I looked like I had down syndrome. Like, I was. And so these thoughts, like, stay with you. You know what I mean? And I. That's why I thought of myself as this piece of crap. Then on top of that, once I started smoking pot, I mean, as good as it made me feel, the shame and, like, that I was, like, doing all this stuff illegally. And then when, with the relationship with my mom, when that really went south, that crushed me, and I Know, I, obviously I had a huge hand in that.

Well, but that was 16. But even beforehand you were doing drugs like you said at 14. At that time, did you have a good relationship with your mom when that was happening?

I mean, yes and no. I mean we were, we were close, but not like a typical mother son. I mean, like, like I said, they were divorced and the divorce was tough for, for my, for my mom. Very tough emotionally. And, and again with. I was being picked on when I was, when I was young, so I was picked on in middle school and stuff and, and then I wasn't, which I love sports, but all my friends were great and I was the one who was always picked last. That really hurt my self confidence. And then like people were always, you know, hanging out with girls, like guys ringing and I wasn't because I just, you know, a combination of everything. And then I started gaining weight at a young age and I, and that just all of it just like really contributed to me just feeling really crappy about myself.

Did you have siblings?

Yeah, I got three brothers that are all younger than me. One's a half brother and two full brothers and. But we all.

Same thing happening with them with drugs.

I mean, you know, some people, a couple kind of, I mean, I think a couple kind of dabbled in it. But I think, you know, I was like the one that had like the really bad problems growing up. I mean, we lived in the same house, you know, we were together, but I got split from my brothers when I got kicked out of my mom's house. Like I went to live with my dad 100% and they would only come up, you know, 40 or 50% or whatever it was. So I mean, that really put a strain on my relationship with my brothers and I. And then I started, you know, doing what I could to manipulate them to give me money for drugs, which was never good either.

Okay, so you end up in jail. You luck out with cellmates, apparently, because you've got a cellmate that is a coach and doesn't even realize it and gets you to start working your body. So what happens then?

So, I mean, I remember I walked in and this guy is sitting at the Scrabble table and he's like, what are you doing here? I was like, I don't know, man. Like, I was so discombobulated when I was like detox, cold turkey from opiates for three weeks in there. And like that night I saw him, you know, doing all kinds of push ups and sit ups and running and crazy for Three hours straight. I was like, dude, what is, what is this guy on? And he remember him looking at me and he was like, you're start working out with me one day. I was like, yeah, there's no way. And I just remember after him pestering me about it, I just decided to give it a try. And I got down to do a push up. Couldn't do a push up, couldn't do one for my knees, could barely walk because I was smoking cigarettes and doing all the drugs and everything. Plus I was really overweight. And he just kept telling me, think about what makes you mad, think about what makes you mad. I just thought about all the people who doubted me, all the times I was rejected, all the stuff I did on my own to make myself feel worse. And I really learned to channel all my pain into something positive, which was fitness. And I was able to do like 10 push ups and run a mile by the time I left after a few months jail sentence. And it, it really changed me. It wasn't the push ups and the sit ups, like, it was just how they made me feel. The increased self confidence, the, the ability to set a goal and achieve it. And the positivity comes from that, the discipline, the, you know, just being able to channel my, my emotions into something positive. No.

Why was your cellmate in jail? For the same reason as you.

I mean, yeah, he had a drug addiction too, but he had, he had just got, got done serving 10 years in Pennsylvania and then he was on a detainer in the county jail. I was in for some violation of his parole, probation. And he was just there waiting, waiting to go to court. And he had some strict rules with me as far as like training me. He just was like, you know, he didn't want me complaining, which I did a lot of at the beginning. If I cheated on my diet, I either had to run like two miles or he'd punch me in the stomach.

So how did you cheat on your diet? How did it felt like you have a big selection of food in prison I'm imagining.

No, but I mean, I couldn't eat. Like he had me cut out like a lot of the carb stuff in there because, you know, he was trying to get me disciplined to know that there's certain foods I got to stay away from, you know, most of the time. And you know, when you're in jail you can order stuff like you know, cheesy rice and like ramen noodles. And I wasn't allowed to eat like that stuff because he was trying to get me to lose some weight, to help build my self confidence.

And why do you think your cellmate cared so much about you?

I just think sometimes, you know, he, that was like his therapy was helping somebody else. And it was weird because I often wonder why he chose to save me and not himself. Because, you know, I cried when I left jail because I was just so moved by this guy unconditionally helping me change my life. And I always said to him, I was like, hey man, like, how am I ever going to repay you? Like, you know, and he just said, you know, just keep it up and pay it forward. And that's what really inspired me to help other people, was just showing what.

He did for me now today. And do you still, or do you stay in touch with him?

I did for a while. I mean, we communicated. We wrote letters. I mean, when I first got out, it was like, you know, wintertime and I wrote him a letter and I was complaining that I didn't want to run outside because it was cold. And he wrote a letter back and told me to quit being a wuss and buy some sweatpants and. But we actually, we actually ended up meeting up, you know, and we grabbed a couple workouts together and I could keep up with them, which is pretty cool. But I know I've kind of lost touch. I know he's kind of, kind of fell off, fell off a little bit, so. Which really hurt me. But I mean, I still have the workout plan he gave me framed actually in my place. So I never forget where I came from and just so that where I started and to use it as the kind of inspiration that I never forget, like where I started.

So you get out of prison and when you get out, are you still fighting the, the need for drugs or were you like, had you been decided, like, okay, no, fitness is it, this is it. I don't need to go back. What was going on then?

Well, I mean, everybody was kind of telling me I needed to go to rehab, like my family. And after prison, yeah, after prison, and I just said, screw rehab. I found fitness. And that was like, for me, I found something that was working and I didn't want to change that, but I didn't, you know, nobody really, I mean, a lot of people didn't believe that I was going to make it just based on that, but I, I kind of had to believe in myself. I had to really believe that I was going to do it just like one day at a time. So each day I would literally work on becoming a Better version of me. Each and every day I would do every. I would be relentless about making the right choices to make sure that I didn't use drugs again. And sure, there were some cravings, you know, in the first few weeks, but the. The more I. The better I felt, like from working out and cleaning up my nutrition a little bit, and then knowing that I had this guy who unconditionally helped me in jail, like, that really motivated me is I didn't want to let him down. And then, like, you know, a few months went by and the cravings started to fade, and I realized that there was other things I could use to manage my. My stress and everything in a healthy ways.

Like what?

Like running and, you know, working out and, you know, I was living with my grandparents at the time. They took me in, and they had some pretty strict guidelines. They're like, you're gonna. You can live here, you gotta have a job, you gotta clean up after yourself. You gotta tell us where you're going, and if not, you're out. And so I spent a lot of time with them. Like, on the weekends I would be staying in, watching, like, the Food Network with them, which is hard being here when I was 21 years old. But I, you know, I really started to cut out a lot of my old friends. Not because they were bad people, just because I knew I couldn't. I couldn't keep up with those habits anymore. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be tempted and. And I just was on a mission to prove people wrong because, I mean, I. I get. Again, I was. The odds were so stacked against me, and I just wanted to do everything I could to make sure that my life would be better, you know, two, three, four, five years from now than it was back then.

When you had a temptation for drugs, which I'm sure you did, what would you do? Just go work out instead?

I mean, I go for a run and I literally would, like, run for, like, miles. And I would just think about why I wanted to use drugs. Because a lot of times for me, it wasn't like I, Like, I loved. Like, it wasn't like I wanted to do the drug as more as it was the feeling I was trying to mask. So it was like, stress, or I would think about, like, some girl that rejected me, or I would think about, like, you know, people making fun of me, or I would think about, like, stuff that I did that was really bad, whether it was lying or, you know, whatever. And so I would just slowly start to learn to switch the habits from the bad ones to the good ones, to release the same, you know, neurotransmitter dopamine, if, to feel good. And I knew that like, if I believed in myself enough that there was a chance that I could make it. But I knew if I didn't believe myself at all, there was no chance because it would completely change my mindset. I had the woe is me mentality and giving up. And when my cellmate looked at me and he said, you can either be a man or you can be a wuss, I mean, that really changed me because I knew I was being, I was acting like a wuss. I was blaming everybody, I was crying, I was, you know, saying, woe is me. I couldn't change the situation, I couldn't change my past. Like the past was done. I could only change how I responded to it. And that's what I needed to do. And, and slowly but surely, after doing it for a period of time, I looked back and I was like, wow, I haven't used, you know, drugs in like five months. And then like everything started to fade away and I started losing weight and I, the, I wanted to help other people with fitness and you know, I became a trainer, you know, shortly after that.

So you become a trainer. How did you get a job with a record of being in jail?

Well, it was tough. I remember, you know, getting to a point fitness wise where I was pretty fit and I wanted to help other people use the lessons that my cellmate had taught me. And I felt like I could relate to people too just because I'd been through a lot of what other people go through in fitness. And I applied a job for a job at a local wellness center and I had to beg for my job because I had the felony on my record. But I literally, I said to the manager, I said, listen, fitness saved my life. I shared my story, I shared how it changed me in jail. I said, I'll pee in a cup every day, I'll do whatever I need to do to prove to you that I'm not going to mess up. And after interviews with HR and different managers, you know, thankfully she gave me a chance and gave me a job. And I remember I was in my grandparents house. I remember to this day jumping up and down because I could finally pay it forward and carry the torch that my cellmate gave to me to help other people. And when I got the job, a new high for me became like helping others with fitness, like that was my new high was Able to relate to people because deep down, I mean, as you know, like, people don't just want to lose 15 to 20 pounds. They don't want to just be able to run faster. They want to feel better inside about themselves. And I could relate to them on that level because I had experienced the weight loss, I had experienced the self pity and the horrible self confidence and being out of shape and people really resonated with that. At first I was really scared to tell people how I got into fitness because I was like, man, I'll be really judged for being a convicted felon. But the more I opened up and the more vulnerable I got, the more people appreciated it. And, you know, because they think of us trainers, it's just people that have been fit our whole lives, but they don't know the backstory.

Sure. Got it. Yeah. Okay. So you start helping people, you start doing this, you have your first job and it's working. What brings you into writing a book? What was your first book?

So I, I was a trainer and I had started. I mean, I got. One of the things I really credit to my transformation is personal development. I mean, I joined. I've been in Todd's Mastermind, gosh, for like seven or eight years. And I started going to stuff like that when I was 23, I think. And, and so hanging around people like that, like, really challenged me to do other things besides just be a trainer. And when I told my story at one of Todd's Mastermind retreats, people were like, you got to write a book. You got to write a book. I was like, there's no. I. I'm like, I barely graduated high school. There's no way. And they're like, you have an amazing story. And it was my story. So I didn't really believe it was like anything great. I just knew I was it. And I ended up completing all the stipulations the judge gave me back in 2013. And I wrote him a letter of. To modify. Modify my sentence to see if he would hold up his end of the bargain. And he granted me the, the, the court date. And we, I went to court in January of 2014, and he took the felony conviction off my record because I completed all my probation, my community service, everything. So, and you know, my, my fan, my grandparents like crying. I mean, people are crying. I didn't really. I mean, I guess I realized that, you know, you know, later that how much my life changed in a matter of seconds from being shackled as a felon to now being a free man, yeah. So that, that really inspired me to write my book. From Felony to Fitness to Free. To show people that they can make the most their second chance, turn negative into a positive and focus on how far they've come and how far they have to go. And that like, life's about choices, right? Like, I dealt with situations that so many people deal with. Bullying happens a lot. I mean, the divorce rates obviously high, you know, self esteem issues, it's all very, very common. But I chose to battle that in very unhealthy ways. Drugs, lying, you know, manipulating people, you know, doing other things that are just, you know, not exactly good. When I could have, I mean, you know, really taken some different approaches and, and really taking responsibility, you know, for the way I was behaving.

Do you think people really change? And I don't mean that in a judging way. I'm just curious. Like, I think a lot of people will hear somebody was a felon or they were a drug addict and they'll jump to, well, they always are. What would you say to that? And do you, are you still tempted by things? And does that scare you? Do you deal, how do you deal with that judgment?

Well, I just think that we, we all make mistakes. I mean, it's just some are greater than others. I mean, and you know, I think we can't, we can't change the past. Right. It's up to the person to really to take responsibility and respond in a way that's going to allow them to have a better future. And I think for. If somebody were to judge me, it was, I mean, as much as they had a right to judge me for the way I was behaving back then, if they're judging me for trying to make a, make a life out of myself, and they were probably somebody, I didn't want my life anyway because they're probably deflecting some sort of insecurities from themselves onto me. Because, you know, you never really hear people that are doing really well, you know, judging people. Yeah.

Oh yeah.

And for sure, yeah. And I just kind of, you know, in the back of my mind, you know, that's that my past is always there. But I feel like I've lived two different lives. Like, I don't really recognize the person in my old pictures or some of the stuff just because, you know, things have changed so dramatically.

Do you ever worry about being tempted or going backwards?

I mean, yes and no. I mean, I really don't have like any cravings anymore. Knock on wood. But you know, the past is Always there to kind of keep me in check and keep me humble. But that's why I kind of continue to surround myself with great people and, you know, just continue to work on personal development. And I have, like, a board of directors in my life that are mentors of mine that I call when I'm. When I'm facing some stuff or, you know, I have. I go to church, so I have a spiritual life as well. And then being able, like, helping other people is really huge to me because it a, helps me to never forget where I came from, and B, it's like, you know, you never feel bad after helping somebody.

Totally true. Yeah. Okay, so tell us about your. Your new book now and what. What that's about and why you decided to write that.

So my newest book called the Heart of Recovery, is I interviewed 50 of the most inspiring people who are in recovery from all walks of life, from celebrities to some musicians to fitness people, everyday people, about what they do to really thrive in recovery. I wanted to seek out the best practices that they were doing. And for me, I wrote it because the drug epidemic, as we know, is getting really, really bad. And it hasn't really. There's no real sense of if it's going to get any better. And I felt that a lot of the reason that people kind of don't succeed in recovery is because they don't have really, tools on when they get in to recover, what they do, what kind of habits should they then rebuild with? Because when you get into recovery, the masks come off and it's just like you're stuck with yourself and your issues you have, and you got to rebuild your life with things that are healthy. So I interviewed them about their fitness routines because obviously, I believe fitness is like, the most underutilized tool to battle drug addiction. So I interviewed them about their different fitness routines, their relationships, like how their relationships changed from being in active addiction to recovery, and what kind of people to hang out with and why their spirituality practice. Because I believe spirituality is important for a way that works for you, like, without, like, you know, judging other people who practice different approaches, because you got to do what works for you. And then also, like, they know what they have to. The question that really has them open up about what they need to do on a daily basis to keep them in check. And the feedback has been phenomenal. It came out, you know, about a month ago, and it's been selling fairly well. And I just wrote it to help other people. I mean, I think each of my books I've Written has been a reflection of where I'm at in my journey. I wrote my first book, From Felony to Fitness to Free. When the Felony came off my record, I wanted to be more open about sharing my story. I wrote my second book, Faith Family Fitness, when I started really developing a relationship with God and how that really impacted my life. So I wanted to share that with others. And then now the heart of recovery. I've been more open now about doing what I can to help with this drug epidemic and showing that positive relationships, working out, having a spiritual practice that works for you and being aware of the things you need to do to stay away from, you know, the people, places and things that were hurting you is crucial to thrive in recovery.

That's awesome. Okay, a couple more questions for you. If somebody is listening right now and they themselves are dealing with drug addiction and they're in that spot where you're hiding it, where they're hiding it and there's. I know there's people listening that are dealing with that, especially with the painkillers. We hear that a lot, you know, and it's, it's like the secret thing that they're doing. What would you tell them to do?

I would say just, you know, for me, I had to get to a place where the pain was just so, so dark. I had no other choice but to turn around. But, you know, if you're somebody who's kind of struggling right now and you really don't know where to turn, I mean, I would just kind of, you know, raise your hand and ask for help and don't be ashamed and know that, you know, just never give up and that recovery is worth it and that, you know, you can't let your mistakes define you. You're not a mess, you're not a screw up. You've just screwed up. I mean, I think a lot of people, they put labels on themselves, they're a scre. But they just screwed up. I mean, we all make mistakes, we all do things we don't want to do. But, you know, what are you going to do to respond in a way to help yourself grow? And even if it's like reaching out to people in the community, I mean, I know there's tons of options for recovery. Support groups, you know, meetings, you know, treatment centers, if that's what you want to do. But just I think raising your hand and admitting you have a problem is the big, the big first step.

And then what would you tell a parent or a spouse or a friend that knows they have got Somebody dealing with this, what would you want? What would you want them to do?

I would say, no matter what, just love them, like, unconditionally. And just know that, again, it's nothing against you. And it's nothing. The person's not bad. You just gotta know that they're struggling inside and that, you know, you got to do whatever you have to do to help and support them in a way that's not enabling them, but it's also, you know, helping to support them unconditionally, to help them get better. And that also, if it's like. Especially if it's like a kid just knowing that, you know, there's nothing wrong with, you know, calling your friends or calling, you know, a support group and saying that your kid has a problem to reach out for help. Because otherwise, what happens is if you just sit there and hold on to it, you don't want to tell anybody, the situation probably will get worse. And if something bad happens, such as somebody dying, I mean, then, you know, the guilt will really set in. And like I said, I see a lot of parents that are really ashamed of opening up about that because they feel it's their fault. I mean, it's not. I mean, it's just, unfortunately, one of those things that is a. A problem that you can't control. And you can't control, you know, what your kids do. Only to a certain extent.

Yeah. No, it's powerful. Okay, Doug, there's a final question I ask everybody on my show, and I'm going to ask you right now, is if somebody's listening and they're in their own personal rock bottom, maybe it's drug addiction. Maybe it's. They've lost their kid to that. Maybe it's something completely unrelated, like a. A financial setback or a change in their relationship or whatever it is to them. If you were going to give them three pieces of advice so they could start leveling up their life and shifting and creating everything from nothing, what would you tell them?

Well, number one, I would say that, you know, it's okay to have made mistakes. Right. You can't let your mistakes define you. You got to learn from them, grow from them, and use them to become a better person. Number two, surround yourself with great people. I mean, I cannot tell you enough how important your community is of people and connection among that. I know for me, when I was doing drugs, I mean, that's all I was doing, was surrounding myself with people who did drugs. Once I changed that, started surrounding myself with people who had different mindsets or focused on being healthy or focused on being like really successful. You know, that changed. And then also like, you gotta, you gotta really realize that, you know, things happen for you and not to you. That really shifts things. Because there's gonna be things in your life that happen even when you are making a transformation that don't go your way. But the more you can realize that it was part of a bigger purpose for you, I mean, the easier it'll be to kind of swallow that instead of like, if you're always saying, woe is me, why is this happening to me? I mean, it's going to totally shift your mindset to something negative.

So good. So good. Okay, Doug, where can people find you? Where can they buy your book? Where are you most active on social? Let us know that.

So on Instagram, I'm most active on social ugbobst. And then you know all my information as far as you know more about my story and my books are at www.dougbopes.com or my books are available on Amazon.

So awesome. Thank you so much, Doug for being here today.

Thanks for having me.

Natalie, thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review, I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over on Instagram @nataliejofit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.