129: How Addiction and Mental Health Affects Family with Liza Morales

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst, learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. What happens when your high school sweetheart you've loved and known and who you've had three kids with becomes a big time athlete, marries a Kardashian and changes? Meet Liza Morales, who is the mother of Lamar Odom's children. Today on Leveling Up. She hopes that by sharing her story, she'll be able to connect with other families dealing with the impact of addiction. I've got a special guest today on Leveling Up. I'm so excited to talk to Liza Morales today. And this is going to be an awesome conversation because Liza was. Was engaged to a professional athlete. She's got some kids with him, and on the outside, she looked like she was on top of the world. People would have envied her lifestyle. They would have looked up to this. And what people didn't know is what she was carrying and what she was going through. And I am so excited to get into this chat today. Liza, thanks so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited, too. I know we were supposed to speak before and we're finally speaking, so I'm happy.

Technical challenges. But we're here now, and we're here interviewing on a Friday, by the way. This is not airing on a Friday, but we're interviewing on a Friday, which I don't usually do that with anyone, so you're special. I'm excited to chat with you.

Yes.

So, Liza, take me back. Like, who were you when things started changing? I know people thought you were living this one life and other things were going on. Take us back. Who were you? What was happening?

Yeah. So I was in 9th grade growing up in Queens, Went to high school in Queens. Christ the king. A little shout out to them. And I actually met Lamar there. We were in the same homeroom and new friends for a couple of years. And then we started dating, like, our junior year. Okay, cool. And everything was good. You know, my mom was very charismatic and I felt like we right away we kind of, you know, it was easy breezy. Everything was cool. And then we kind of. We grew up together, you know, and things kind of. I'd say after high school, things definitely started to pick up. Okay. Yeah. I was supposed to go to college, and I kind of had a whole. Do. I don't. I take out a student loan, whatever. So while I was trying to figure that out, I sat out a semester of school.

Okay.

Pregnant with our daughter Destiny.

Okay, so were you in high school, like, dating him? Were you, like, high school sweethearts? Was it, like people like, tell me what that was.

Yeah, we were high school sweethearts. And then he actually left our senior year of high school, which was. I think traumatizing would be a little strong word compared to what had happened later on in life. But that was really difficult because we were high school sweethearts. And then his senior year of high school, he went to another school, senior year. So that was really tough. But we stayed in contact back then. You know, I don't want to age myself too much here. But we had beepers.

Yeah, I know. Look, I'm 48. I lived in the beeper world. I get it.

For the phaser. So we had that stage, and we stayed in contact, and then. Yeah, then, you know, then eventually we graduated high school, but we always still kind of stayed together.

Okay.

Yeah.

And did you know when you were dating him in high school, like, I'm assuming he was an athlete in high school. Did you know that that was. Okay, so you already knew that this was going to be an athlete lifestyle, and you were prepared for this?

No, I didn't know what an athlete lifestyle was really. You know, I was a little naive to that. I knew, obviously, he played basketball. Yes. I never went to any of the high school games.

Okay.

Yeah. That just wasn't my thing, so. But look, yeah, he played basketball in high school. I knew that. I mean, he was super tall, and I think he came back, like, the following year, like, taller.

Yeah. Tall basketball player. Very unheard of. I'm just kidding.

Surprising. And so, yeah, I feel like he. I'm sorry. I lost my train of thought. Oh. But, yeah, I knew. Obviously, I knew that Lamar had talent and know how far he was gonna go.

Okay, so then you get pregnant with your first, and what. How old were you? You were not in school at this time. What was happening?

That was difficult because I was really. I was trying to figure myself out, you know, And I was supposed to go to St. John's University here in Queens, New York, and got pregnant with Destiny at 18. Had her at 19.

So life changing right there. Yes. Because you're a Teenage mom.

Absolutely. That was really difficult because my mom was extremely disappointed in me, and my mom still am. And so that was. That was difficult. It was difficult in my household. Very difficult. You know, she really wasn't talking to me. Just obviously she wanted another path. Obviously.

Sure.

Our daughter was born, and then she melted my mom. And my mom actually changed her working schedule. My mom, a nurse. She's retired now, was a nurse, and she actually changed. She worked the night shift, so I can go back to school.

Was Lamar supportive of you having your. The first daughter?

He. He was. I mean, he didn't. You know, he didn't ask me to, you know, get rid of her or anything like that. I mean, we knew. We were so young. We were kind of trying to figure out, what do we do here? You know, and he knew my mom was obviously very disappointed in me. So I was already. I was in this mental state with this, because I know disappointing my mom. Sure.

So hard. But you're doing the right thing. I mean, you brought. You were bringing your daughter into the world. So that's. That's a. I can only imagine what you were struggling with right then. Yes. Okay. So you have her. You have this daughter, and then what's happening with you and him and your relationship there?

He. At this time, he was. He was in college, so at this point, we're going to. He was at Rhode Island. Rhode island to New York. It's only a few hours of drive, so he would kind of go back and forth or we would go up to Rhode Island. And, you know, he loved Destiny. He swore that this was like, his mom reincarnated. You know, Lamar lost his mom really Young at, like, 12, and he's an only child. So I think, yes, we were kind of, you know, struggling with. Yes, we're having our daughter so young, but at the same time, he was like, I'm having a daughter. And, you know, it's just more love and more love for him. So I know he kind of was going through that, but we were very. Just naive, you know, and just young and just, you know, loved each other, and we had.

Okay, so then what happens?

He is in Rhode island for a little bit over a year, and then he decided he wanted to go into the NBA, and he wanted.

Okay.

And this was like 99, maybe 2,000, and he ends up getting drafted. Ends up getting drafted to the Clippers. The Los Angeles Clippers. Now, this is like the old Los Angeles.

Okay.

Yeah. This is like the Donald Sterling Clippers. They were what they are now. And to me, it was scary because it was la, you know, that was extremely scary. And he actually begged me and said, please come with me, you know, I need my family. And so me, you know, at the time, now I'm 20 now, year old daughter, and I wanted a family. You know, I came from a broken home. And so as did he. And so I wanted our little family. And so I moved to la. Left my friends, my support, my mom.

New York, which is a big change right there.

Yep, huge change. Moved across the country with our daughter. And that was difficult, you know, because it seems glamorous. Right? It seems like, wow, you know, you're living in la, you're living in Marina Del Rey, and, you know, you're the youngest couple in this community in our building. But it was tough because he was on the road a lot, all that other stuff, you know, and he was bonding with teammates, and I had nobody to bond with. Yeah. But he knew that I was kind of struggling with being lonely, so he actually flew a cousin of mine out. And so my cousin living with us and keeping me company. So that. And, you know, then things started to change and, you know, the lifestyle kind of, you know, where it seems so glamorous from the outside, but it can take hold of you. And that did tell me what that means.

Like, what is that lifestyle and what.

Was happening, the going out, you know, the nightlife, the women. You know, when Lamar was in college, I was in New York raising our daughter, so I was removed from the college campus lifestyle. So who knows what was happening in college. And then obviously he gets to the league and it's obviously magnified. But now I was witnessing that, you know, I would go to restaurants with him and women would come up to him, look right past me. Yeah.

And what were you feeling when that was happening? Because that's. That's stressful, I would imagine. Like, are you. Were you feeling hate? Were you feeling jealous? Were you. What. What was coming up for you around that?

It depends, you know, I mean, just woman to woman, of course, you know, you seeing some of these women that are beautiful and, you know, you could be as confident as you can be. But, you know, mind you, I'm 20 years old here. Yeah. Still trying to figure myself out.

And you're a new mom, so, like, that really hits you. Yeah.

And I'm a new mom. And it was tough, you know, but I wasn't necessarily hateful. I would say I was. I did feel at times, obviously disrespected, like. Hello. Yeah. There were times where I kind of did feel like I would shift my body towards the woman. Like, I'm here.

Hey, I'm here. I see you.

You know, and he would notice that. And he would try to, you know, keep the cool, you know. He would try. Yeah, he would totally try to. He was not gonna.

So I've had that experience. It's almost like for me, I would, like, start feeling a little insecure. Then you feel like, guilty for that, you know, like, did you, like.

But I think the good thing is that he never let the women disrespect me. Like, he knew even from then, like, okay, I can't have them disrespect Liza. So he would. When I wasn't there, obviously things, obviously, I would find out would occur, but when I was there with him.

Yeah, they call it. It's so funny. There's like a term for that. I mean, look, I'm not like an athlete person, but like, I don't. But I've heard the term pro hos, like the girls that like, flock.

All the pro hos come out. Sorry, all the pro hosts come out. Can you still hear me?

Yes, yes. It broke up for a second for the episode.

All the.

Yeah, all the pro host come out. That's such a funny term.

Yeah, you know, it's just a different vibe, you know, LA is just different, you know, than New York. New York has a whole nother type of pro hos, but, you know, especially, you know, with our. At the time, we didn't have the Brooklyn Nets yet. We just had the Knicks. Okay, different type of pro hos here. But they come out in their furs and their mix.

Okay, so all these serious. You're seeing all this, so you're feeling all kinds of things, I would imagine, because it's all getting magnified and then what's happening.

Obviously there was a shift in our relationship. You know, our relationship kind of. It opened me up to the realities of this lifestyle that I had no idea would come to me, you know, came literally came to me. And then, you know, even when my cousin was with me, I was still lonely, you know, when he was gone. And then when he would come home, he would still go out. And there were times he would go out without me, leave me home with the baby, you know. You know, and so that was difficult. But I think I learned, I will say this, the positive side of that is that I learned how to be self sufficient in many ways. You know, I learned how to. I had to learn how to cook for myself and my Daughter, you know, and, you know, little things that, you know, I didn't have my mom or somebody help me. So little things like for example, when we first moved to la, neither one of us had our license, driver's license. A license, yes, we didn't have. And so I had to get my license. And so, like, little things like that, if I look at the positive, I had to learn how to be self sufficient.

Okay, you were growing up quick, you.

Had to learn how to grow up.

Okay?

Absolutely, absolutely.

So when did the second kid come into play?

So we had our son, I think two years later in 2001. He was born in LA and at this point, Lamar started to slowly bring friends out from, you know, from the east coast. He started bringing friends from home, setting up shop, getting them a place to live. And so once again, that adds to a layer of our relationship that we struggled with, you know, that he brings out. He has his building, his support, and my support was dwindling, I would imagine.

He's getting attention from all kinds of directions because here he's a pro and he's getting not just the girls, he's getting media attention, all the things. And where does that leave you and how are you feeling?

I think when we got our time, and I say we, meaning my daughter and myself and my son, I enjoyed it. Like, I enjoyed our time, a little bit of time we got. The thing is that our time got less and less because he was trying, obviously, and that was difficult. And I think at this time is when I became bi coastal, I said, you know what, I'm going to go home and be with my family, my friends, get a little boy of whatever energy I can get from them, and then I'll come back to the west coast. That's when I kind of said I needed to kind of need. I needed that support too. And so for me to have that support, I needed to go home. So at this point and I had my second kid and mind you, I'm like 23.

Okay, you're still super young. Yep.

And so I was like, I'm gonna go back and forth. And so that's what I did. But in going back and forth, obviously our relationship, you know, looking back, obviously we started to slowly, I don't want to say grow apart, but we started to change our shift and then little changes, the women more and more, the arguing, obviously, because of that, that was our biggest. That was my biggest issue.

Were you in denial about the other women at all? Like, did you try to like, think, like it's okay. Maybe it's not as bad as. I think some women do that. Like, they want to look the other way. Like, maybe it's not as bad as I'm thinking. Maybe it's in my head. Did you have those conversations at all?

Yeah, I think I thought after a few years of this now and then the argument we would have, he would always tell me, this woman mean nothing to me. You know, you're. You're my family. You're the one I'm going to marry. At this time. We got to get one. Prior to having our son, we got engaged. So at this point, he's telling me, you're the one I'm gonna marry. And so I think after you're hearing that after arguing, you're growing, he's honestly telling me exactly what I want to hear. And so I kind of believe that it was kind of like, well, you know, these women are going to be coming at him, and I love him, and we're a family. And I don't think I was looking the other way, but I was kind of like, well, we are his family. We're his priority. And, you know, these women, you know, at least he's not falling for any of these women or falling in love with any of these women. You know, unfortunately, I think I was telling myself that. I mean, I was in my 20s, you know, and, like, looking back, I'm just like, I've learned so much from being from that, from that era. I mean, seriously, it's. It's. Yeah. Things that I never would have put up with now. And I'm just like. But, you know, I had. I had to kind of go through that.

Okay, so then where did the addiction and stuff come into play? Because I know you were dealing a lot with managing. Walking through that.

It started with marijuana, you know, and that didn't. I knew he smoked a lot of marijuana, but that really just, you know, it didn't bother me.

And you start to think, you start to normalize it. I would imagine, like, it's around all the time. You start to normalize it.

Yeah, it became normal. And we're in LA and you know, Snoop is on the radio, and Snoop, that's just Cali, sticky green, all that stuff. So it was kind of normalized west coast at that time. And so, yeah, it was totally normalized. I feel like I would start hearing things probably, like, in 2004.

Okay.

And nothing serious as far as the heavy drug use. Nothing serious. I think dabbling. Dabbling. Then ended up getting pregnant with a Third child, Jaden, in 2005. And in 2005, three kids now, and he's with the Lakers now, you know, for the Clippers. He went to Miami for one year. That was super tough. Miami. But then he was only there for one year, got traded for Shaq, actually, and then made it to the Lakers. And now it's a whole other ball game, you know, now it's kind of like you're going from the JV team to the varsity team. It's a whole nother world dealing with the Lakers and Kobe. And so I think it just. It just blew up, you know, kind of like a volcano now. Now it's, like erupting. The pressure. The women are a whole nother level. And then he also had a different type of pressure professionally because now he really has to perform. You're with the Los Angeles Lakers. They're a dynasty, legendary team. And so there was a lot going on at that time. Yeah. And then that summer 2006, unfortunately, we lost our son to a crib death.

I can't even imagine.

Yeah, that was. That was definitely the hardest moment of my life, for sure. We were in New York at the time visiting because Lamar's aunt had just passed away. So we came home from her funeral having Jaden's crib death. And so was somebody watching him.

So he wasn't with you when this happened?

We did have her at this point when we had our third kid. I did have help. And so she came with us to New York. And my mom was actually home that day also. She was actually home from work off that day. And I feel like it's so crazy because when I woke up that morning, I remember. And I. Even all these years later, I remember waking up thinking, wow, he let me really sleep in today.

Wow.

Because, yeah, he was a clockwork baby. Like clockwork. And he was my only breastfed baby. LJ took to it only for a couple of weeks, and then I ended up going, using the breast pump and. Can you hear me? Yes. Okay. After lj. So, yeah, I started using the bottle with lj, Investigated, not take to the breast at all. So Jaden, the whole level of bonding, actually took to the breast and breastfed him for about two months, so. Or three months. So I was like, wow, he sleep in today? And I looked at the clock. I didn't hear him on our. On our monitor, on our baby monitor. And so that morning, it's still. Even as I'm describing it to you now, it's still. Still very much, very vivid. And clear. And yeah, we found him. The whole house was screaming. Myself, my nanny, Zonia, her name was Zonja. And my mom and you know, and my kids, Destiny and LJ were little, but they were witnessing all of us and calling 911 and. And that was a really difficult time. And I feel like. And, you know, Lamar was actually out that night. He did not come home that night. He was partying with his friends out in Manhattan. We were living in Long island at the time. And so I think the addiction. No, I know the addiction spiraled that summer because of all the guilt that he felt home not being there. By the time he got to the hospital, Jayden was pronounced. And, you know, that summer, our relationship severed. Yeah.

Which is pretty common, I've heard, when you lose a child like that. So. Wow. So I can't even imagine what you were going through with that. And it sounds like. So it's almost like the choice, it sort of tore you apart more. And then his way to deal with it was maybe the. The partying and the drugs, I would imagine.

And now we're talking heavy drugs, now we're talking cocaine and we're not talking marijuana.

And you knew that this was happening.

Yeah, people started calling me, they started hearing things and people started calling me to warn me and to, you know, but, you know, I was dealing with so much. You know, I was severely depressed. Didn't really realize I was severely depressed because my family doesn't talk about mental health. I didn't grow up mental health and having those kind of deep conversations of trauma or saying, hey, why don't you go talk to somebody? You know? So I dealt with a lot that summer. And then at the end of the summer, the season for basketball starts, like, October. And so the season was coming and Lamar was ready to go back to LA and I wasn't. And I think Jaden passing was so pivotal for me because I knew I had to stay in New York now. I wasn't gonna go back to la. I wasn't ready. I was not gonna go back to la, be by myself, mourning the death of our young dad, especially when he's.

Out partying and dealing with it that.

Way, dealing with that way. And then starts traveling, you know, going with his team. And here I am with my two kids and no mom, no girlfriends, any of that support I'm not gonna have. So I decided to stay in New York and I got my kids in a school in New York and we never went back to la. Our relationship, I think, because we were Together for so many years, we struggled with what's next.

How did he take that, though, when you said, I'm gonna stay in New York with the kids, when you said, I'm gonna go stay in New York with the kids, and I'm. I'm. How did he take that? Was that, like, a relief? Was that an argument? What was he saying?

I think it. I. And I'm not, like, speaking for him, but I think I do. I know he was disappointed. I think he felt confused. And the funny thing is, I think when he went back to la, his friend actually told me, Lamar took the mattress from our bedroom and he actually brought it. He carried it down the stairway. We had a really extravagant stairway. And he brought it into the living room, and that's where he slept because Jaden, his crib was in our bedroom in la. And so he. I think it was extremely hard for him to go back to that house without us, you know, without his family. And then he ended up selling. He ended up moving from that place. He didn't want to stay there. I guess all the memories and. And I actually did the same thing. We ended up selling our place in Long island with Jaden Pass, and we actually moved also. We didn't want to be there. So it was a lot of movement, physically and emotionally, a lot of movement that summer of 06. But, yeah, I think he felt betrayed, and I think that's why he leaned on something that drugs that wouldn't leave him, you know, and it kind of gave him a bear hug. And I think I would get the calls, concern.

Calls from him or calls from people concerned. And how was he being with your kids when he was here in LA and you're there in New York? Was he still involved with your kids?

He was still involved, but I think he also was in his own world and. Own world and meaning, like his successes and the team at the time was getting better, and I think it became a little bit of an escape for him. And here me and my kids were here in New York trying to just pick up the pieces, you know.

And how old were your kids at this time?

I would say destiny had to be a lady. 10, nine. And LJ was like six or five.

So they were clearly asking about their dad, I'm assuming. So what was. What were you telling them?

They knew he was in la, working, you know, working. They grew up with him being in the NBA and traveling and so working. And we would go visit, you know, holidays or whenever they had school, days off, long weekends. We would Totally go out there. But our relationship definitely pull apart.

What were you thinking about your relationship this time? Are you thinking it's over? I'm just maintaining this for my kids. What was going on in your mind?

I think I was confused because I'd been with him since I was, like, 17 years old, and. And he was a father of my kids. And I just really wanted my family. You know, going back to the trauma of my parents, really unhealthy divorce. I think I really wanted my family, and I was willing to for it. But I think once we lost Jaden, that the desire to fight for it, it just changed. And maybe that was my depression, you know, maybe that was my, you know, not not being fully engaged because I couldn't be, you know, because I was broken and mourning. And it took a couple of years of just Lamar and I living totally separate lives. Me just. I had to. I had no choice but to pick up. I had the kids. So.

So how would you feel when, like, you were hearing his name on the news or you were seeing him publicly, like, what was coming up for you?

I think just a little bit of confusion still. I think we went to that confusion. Where are we going with this? We're just taking a break. We still love each other, but do we need to be together because we love each other? Maybe not. You're living in la. I'm living in New York. I'm happy in New York. We're building a life. I have my kids in a great school. I'm making friends with their moms and doing play dates and, you know, going on school trips as a volunteer parent. So I'm, like, living a totally separate life. And him, who's doing basketball and, you know, and playing with the greats, you know, playing with Kobe Bryant, and we just totally live separate. And I think it finally got to a point. I think it took a long time, you know, didn't happen overnight. And then his drug use definitely picked up, and it continued for years. And then the summer 2009, he actually met Khloe Kardashian. And that was a whole nother level now, because even though he was a professional athlete and he was a Laker, we enjoyed privacy. You know, we didn't have paparazzi following, married into the Kardashian family. It threw us into the fishbowl with him. And that was brand new for me. Wow. It's everybody. Paparazzi was following us. I remember being on a soccer field. My son was playing soccer at the time, and one of the moms was like, I think there's a guy over there in the corner taking your picture.

And all you're trying to do is make a good life. Now in New York, like, you're kind of done with that, and now you're in this. I can't even imagine what that would feel like, because you would. You never set out to be in that public eye or that.

Right. So it was a lot. It was a lot of, you know, seeing somebody with a zoom lens in the corner being, like, a total creep, and, you know, you're like.

And then wondering what the heck they're gonna say about you or what they're. What's the angle here?

All the new people online. And so, of course, that happened. And that was difficult for me, you know, being somebody who's so private and not looking for that, you know, life and being thrust into it and being compared to Chloe and, oh, Lamar has a type, and all these headlines, and it was really crazy. And so we kind of went through those difficult times because then, you have to remember, that added a layer for my kids, too. And then public world and traveling back and forth now seeing at the time, Lamar married Chloe in 30 days, and so she became their stepmother. And so were you feeling at all.

Jealous or what was going on there?

Not jealous. I was hurt. I was hurt. You know, Lamar, he told me via text message that he was going to get married. And that was difficult to get a text. You know, you couldn't even sit me down. And that was difficult. And then on top of it, it was so public, you know, it's kind of like it was thrown in my face. You know, they got married on television.

And that would be hurtful. I can imagine that would be very hard and hurtful. Like, here, you. You were high school sweethearts. You've got the kids, you've been all through this stuff. Like, you made some hard decisions, and now it's like throwing your face with, like, total gossip, you know?

Yes. Can't even go to, like, a CVS or, like, a Walgreens. I can't even imagine tabloid covers. And so it was. It was so difficult. It was so difficult. And. But we got through it, you know, and Chloe and I, we. We had our moments of totally being cordial, like, she was their stepmom, and I know she was trying her best.

And how were your kids being. Handling this? And what were you telling them? And were they getting along with her?

Yeah, they liked her. She treated them well. And to me, as long as we treat my kids well, we're good. Yeah. What happened was me being Mama Bear and being super protective, and then she came from a blended family. I didn't. So it was a little bit more difficult for me. And now, like, looking back, I probably could have handled things a little differently with her, but also, I think she also struggled with her power of being the wife. And so we kind of bumped heads a couple of times, for sure. But she was good to my kids. Rob was amazing. My kids loved Rob, who would just hang out with them, play video games with them, and just be a total kid with them. And I'll never forget that, that they always loved Rob and how he treated them. And so we went through that and, you know, the addiction was always there and, you know, it was always something that kind of my family had to deal with. And, you know, I was diagnosed with depression in 2009, and I had to do a lot of self reflecting and getting my self help because. And that all came in handy because when this happened, with this explosion of press and attention on us, that all came in handy when I had to get my kids therapy because. Because I definitely needed to get my kids therapy after this world. Now we're going Back to like 2010, 2011. Sorry, did you hear that? I'm sorry. The windows open New York. That's why I stopped talking. And so, yeah, I had to get my kids in therapy. And that came in Handy because at 14, my daughter was diagnosed with depression.

Oh, no.

On her dealing with, you know, the public and everybody knew. And she'd go to LA and live a certain way and then come. Come home. And I'm trying to have that balance for my kids.

Yeah, a very different life. Yeah.

So they. They struggled with that. They struggled with pressure of it. And so that's something. Mental health has always been a discussion. I'm trying to break that cycle that I didn't grow up with, you know, the generational, like, trauma and talking about our issues. And I think. And I feel like nowadays it's more common to break that stigma, but I'm trying to do that with my kids and addiction, like, we've had no choice. Like, I've had to do my homework, I've had to talk to specialists, because if I didn't, I don't know where I would be. And then what would he.

What would he say now about your relationship?

Lamar? Yeah, he's told me before he totally respects me. He appreciates that I raised my. You know, I basically raised our kids on our own. As a single mom, he you know, the day to day stuff. It was all me decision to schools, what schools to put them in me. And he acknowledges that, and I'm grateful that he acknowledges that.

And how's your relationship with him now?

We're totally cordial. You know, we'll always be family, I think especially when his incident happened in 2015.

And what's the incident? Because people, not people listening, might not know.

Right. In 2015, he actually OD'd in Vegas. It was a whole thing. We actually thought he was gonna die. It came to that point as many people with addiction that struggle don't get the help. It just keeps bubbling and bubbling. And we were concerned for about a year prior to him ODing in Las Vegas.

And what are you OD on? Was it a combination of things?

I think it was a combination. I kind of checked out. You know, I wasn't reading the articles and stuff like that because we were like in it. And I just remember flying to Vegas, not knowing he was gonna live, not knowing if he was gonna die, and thinking, oh my God, my kids are gonna like, lose their father. And once again, the therapy, talking about things, being honest, all of that came into play. You can't hide it. And so especially because it was so public, you can't hide it. You have to have those tough conversations. But Lamar lived and he couldn't walk and he couldn't talk. He literally had to learn. He was in a wheelchair and he literally had to learn how to walk again and do the rehab. And the doctors and nurses were amazing over at Cedar Sinai. And he had to do the mental work, the brain work. You know, he had 12 mini strokes and now he's walking and talking. He's about to be dancing with stars. So it's a true miracle. But I think tying it back into addiction and mental health, like Umar's always going to be an addict. It's the day to day battle. It's a day to day monkey on his back. But I think the things that even now, like people asking me, why are you choosing to speak out now? I mean, he wrote a book, dropped a couple months ago, and we're mentioned in the book, and his struggles are mentioned as the book and I'm mentioned in the book. And I feel like I need to tell our side of dealing with an addict. And the book is wild. And some of it I had no idea happened. And when I do the math, I realized we were together at that.

Wow.

Things that were happening in Miami, like in 2002, 2003, I'm like, we were together around that time, so.

But must have been hard reading that book from that perspective when it's, like, wild.

It was wild. And I think if I would have read the book five, six, seven years ago, would have been. I would have been like, wow. But now it's like we're just in a different time. I'm definitely in a different time in my life where it's like, we're always in the V family. I don't hate him. I have more empathy now, seeing he's an addict and, you know, he's the father of my kids. Like, I want him to win, but I also want to. Like, I'm also trying now, and I'm coming out to speak to people because I want to share our story. My kids, myself, because other people, I feel like we're so. We get so involved with the addict, and we get pulled into that world of addiction. We forget about ourselves. Like, I forgot about myself. I forget about my kids. And so now I feel like my have to. I want to talk to other families and of addicts. And because we put ourselves so much, we lose sleep, we have anxiety, we have depression, we worry about them relapsing, and we have to take care of ourselves and live our own lives. And so I feel like it's important. Lamar has this platform, and I feel like, why not? He's put us into the fishbowl with him, so why not go out there and connect with other families and doing that? And I know, you know, Ellie over at Mic Drop and up with them to kind of have this conversation and tying it together, especially now in our country, we know we have a huge problem with opioids and drugs in our country and addiction and mental health problems, but we're talking about it. That's the difference. Yeah.

Now, how was so through? I just thinking timeline. So they got married and they. They were. Did they divorce before this whole. When he had that happen? And what was that something she was walking through with you, or were you not talking with her?

She was definitely dealing with it. I was getting the calls, but she was dealing with it. Like in 2013. She was definitely dealing with it. We were not talking about it. And I know she dealt with a lot, Chloe, and she tried to help him. She definitely did. He wasn't ready. We all know when an addict is not ready, you could, you know, put them in front of a fire. They're just not going to do anything. He ended up having the Vegas incident. He died in Vegas after their divorce. I think you know, maybe a year or two. So he was really still struggling. Struggling with his depression. And.

Yeah.

And so, yeah, they. The timeline, they definitely were no longer married. She definitely was struggling with. With him and his addiction towards the end of their marriage, for sure, but she was trying to help. I was getting word that she was trying to get him in rehab, and. Yeah, just. He just. He just wasn't ready.

Yeah. What do you want people to know now from what you've learned?

I think just sharing your story, not everybody has a platform, but we can connect, and we're not alone. You're not alone. I think with me, I've done forums, online forums for families dealing with addicts. And when I first did it, I covered my face. I. I put a piece of paper over the camera because I didn't want people. I changed my name. There was a little bit of shame. And, you know, I didn't know people would. People who maybe read TMZ or whatever would put two and two together. But now I'm like, I'm not gonna cover my face. Like, this is real life. We have real life issues. A lot of people deal with it. Whether listed addiction effects. It doesn't matter what color you are, what financial situation you have, what area code you live in. I know plenty of people that are on Wall street that are struggling with opioids or heroin or cocaine. Major problems matter if you're Wall street or if you're living somewhere in a underprivileged neighborhood. But I feel like we all need to come together, be honest with our situations, and that's what I want to come out of it, like, just communicating. And my daughter also, you know, she's in a different generation. X, Y, Z. Even now, she gets people when she speaks out about being the daughter of an addict and what she's had to grow up with. And she'll get DMs from people like, oh, my father's an alcoholic, and thank you for speaking out. And I feel like that's what it's about. Like, it's for me too. Like, I want. When I read DMs, and people talk about mental health, and they're like, I'm glad you're speaking out about it. So I feel like that's what I want to get from this. Just opening that conversation, having an organization and traveling and speaking to families and connecting with families and so that we're together, I feel like we do kind of lose ourselves in the addicts and their behavior. I want to be able to kind of Connect with them, too, so they know we're not alone.

So what's. Who are you today? Because you lived, like, your identity was really kind of taken from you. You became, like, this young mom. You became the athlete's girlfriend, fiance. You became the person helping hold everything together. You had all these different roles, like, who are you now today, as your kids get older and you've broken through a lot of this?

You know what's so funny is I'm still trying to figure all that out. So it's a great question. I had them so young, and now I keep saying, like, I'm telling my. Telling my kids this. I tell my girlfriends, like, this is my time. And they're like, when you say that. And I'm like, well, this is my time. Like, my kids are older. This is my time to flourish in my career. This is my time to find new hobbies, and. To which I really do want this to not necessarily be a hobby, but it's a passion project. It's far as with families dealing with addiction and, you know, finding love. And I would love to have at least one more child, if God allows, if that's in my journey. And so I feel like today I'm just. Listen, I'm just. I'm winging it. Day by day. I feel like, you know, I'm still trying to learn more about myself. And every day, like, you know, I do sometimes ask, like, what is happiness? You know, do we find here in this earth, or do we go through what we go through on this earth, and then you find happiness in the next life? You know, those are the things that. I'm still trying to figure all of that out. So, yeah, I know who I'm not. And I'm not the girl who's gonna stay in a relationship that just because I want a family. Yeah, I know I'm not that person that's gonna beg and get on my knees for somebody to go to rehab and lose myself in their addiction world. Like, I'm not that girl anymore, you know? So I feel like I know who I'm not, and I'm still figuring out who I am. And, you know, and that's fine. You know, that's fine. Yeah, yeah.

No, I love that. What do you want the person listening right now to know? If they are in a relationship with somebody that is struggling with addiction? What do you want them to know?

Well, obviously, try to get that person help. Right. If you. If you know or if you suspect, and if you. If they don't get the help they are not ready. You really do have to focus on yourself, even if that means you have to walk away from the relationship. You know, you can't literally kill yourself trying to get somebody to get help. And I think that's what I would want somebody to know. Like, you try your best, but don't lose yourself trying to get them, because if they're not ready, they are not ready. Their parents can't get them clean, their kids can't get them clean, a wife. I know people whose marriages have literally fallen apart. You can't get that person help. They really have to want it themselves.

Yeah. That's incredible. If somebody's listening right now and they're in their own personal rock bottom, maybe when you were dealing with the paparazzi following you around and you're lost, or when you first found out you were pregnant, whatever that is to you, and you were, or even witnessing what Lamar went through with his rock bottom, somebody's listening and they're in their own personal rock bottom. And you were to give them advice on what they can do to start changing and turning things around and leveling up, what would you tell them?

It will pass. It will pass. I know when you're in the moment, and trust me, I know when you're in the moment, you can't see out of that, out of those walls. Like, you feel like you're literally trapped these walls. But it will pass. I leaned on prayer. I leaned on my spirituality. I leaned on meditation. That's me. But it really helped me. I think those are the best because I feel like I honestly, I couldn't really lean on friends. I kind of struggled with it alone. And so everybody's different. Some people you may need to lean on somebody, but I would definitely get whatever self help, prayer, meditation, therapy. You know, I know therapy can be pricey. If you can get therapy, it will pass. You just have to hope and think positive. You know, think positive. A lot of times that's what controls your path. You know, if you're thinking, oh, I'm gonna have a really shitty day today, you will have a shitty day because you have to say, I. Things may come my way, but I'm still going to have a good day today. Nothing's perfect in this world.

So true. So true. Thank you so much, Lisa. This is great. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that. Subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows and if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable and come interact with me over on Instagram at nataliejillfit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.

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