137: From 700 lbs to Leading a Movement with Jai Murphy

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst, learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. At 4 foot 11, hitting 700 pounds, Jay Murphy. Well, she was a mom of two, homeless and obese, grossly obese, but wow. Her focus on gratitude, her belief in possibility, her focus on vision, it empowered her to shift everything. Jay lost £218 and she became a force to be reckoned with. Today, Jay is a global leader in the health and fitness industry as a premier size inclusive, as she calls it, wellness educator. And she works with clients who have over 150 pounds to lose because she gets them. I had so many questions for Jay, like, was she always obese? Was she always so confident? How did she navigate growing such an empowering and inspiring large social platform while having haters and mean comments constantly? How does she stay so consistent in her messaging and her vision? Join in today and learn exactly how J. Murphy leveled up and created everything from nothing. Today on Leveling Up, I am so excited because I'm talking to my secret girl crush. I don't know if you know that, Jay, but you are my secret girl crush on Instagram. I've been following you for quite some time. So I'm talking to Jay Murphy right now who's becoming J on Instagram. And she is just absolutely fascinating. She helps women that have 150 or more pounds to lose. And she is just the most charismatic, confident person that I have ever seen. And I love what she has to say. I love watching her. And I'm so excited today to dive into her, her story, what makes her tick and how she's really giving and thriving and impacting so many women around the world. Thank you for joining me, Jay.

Thank you for having me. And we have something in common because you have been my longtime girl crush.

I love it.

Girl crush.

I love it. I love it. So I have so many questions. I just, I want to start from the beginning. Like, talk to me. Tell me about you as a child. Were you born struggling with weight? Was this something that evolved? Tell me about that. How did that. Tell me what makes you so.

I was an average rate child up until about the age of 8. My mom has battled with mental illness for many years. My childhood wasn't super stable because of that. And then she also had some traumatic things that happened to her. And we began to have this really unhealthy relationship around food and codependency and her way of keeping me safe. And I don't think she even realized that she was doing this, but was to create this really warped relationship with food. So, on one hand, I wasn't allowed to drink soda, except for, like, once a month when we would go out. I was all water, all juice, no candy during the week, all of those things. But then she would hide all of the junk food, and. And I knew that she had it. And so I felt like I was being deprived of those things. And as I got older, then it was more fast food and all of those things. And so my weight started to pick up around 8 years old. And she started to receive feedback from family and friends, concerned. And so she put me on my.

First diet at 8 years old.

At 8 years old, there was a program called Shakedown, and it was for overweight children.

Now, what is a kid at age 8? Because I'm sure you remember this. What stories do you make up about yourself? Or what do you start believing when your mom is telling you you need to be on a diet?

You know, I don't really know that it registered then exactly what was going on, because on the same hand, I had everybody telling me that I was amazing and beautiful and could do anything and everything I wanted to do. They did. They put me in gymnastics, they put me in dance. I did soccer, I was in musical theater. So they never made me feel like my weight was an issue or a barrier. But then on this other hand, there was still kind of that subconscious, yeah, something's not right. Something's not right.

Now, did you feel at that time, were you having in conversations with yourself about your body and how were friends reacting, or was this the first time you were aware of it? Like your mom saying, hey, we need to go on a diet?

That was the first time I was really aware of it. And I don't think, personally I started to feel like there was anything wrong with my body or anything that I wanted to change until I probably got into about middle school.

Okay.

My school changed. I was in a whole new environment. And then I was one of four kids that look different in the entire school.

And that must have. I would imagine that felt hard. That was.

Yeah, it was incredibly difficult. You know, you're with people that have been in school together for all of their lives. And you look different and you come from a different socioeconomic background, and, you know, you are that walking target. So I think that's the first time that I really personally felt.

So were kids mean? Were they accepting? What was it like being that teenager in that different school realizing, hey, I'm one of four kids that looks different.

Oh, kids were terrible. You know, I had my core group of friends that were amazing, but, you know, my given name is Jasmine. And so there were. They called me fat man. And, you know, there were all kinds of jokes and things that they made up about me during that time. For whatever reason, though, I always kind of had this personality of, you can say what you want, but I know who I am. And so it would sting, but I never let it stop me from doing the things that I wanted to do. I just couldn't.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is evident even now looking at your. Your brand on Instagram, like, no stopping her. Okay, so, but you were you. Was it fair to say, were you yo yo dieting for at that point, were you having success with the. What was the conversation going on with food and your body and your mom?

There was definitely yo yo diets. And I did everything. I did the cabbage soup diet, I did the lemon cleanse. I tried Weight Watchers at one point. And now today we look at this and we would laugh. But at one point, they told my mom, stop eating red meat. Only give chicken and turkey. So I've been like a ground turkey convert for years. But then they told her, make her pasta and put salad dressing on it. Don't use pasta sauce.

So random.

But that's what she was doing. And she thought that it was healthy. She was being told that it was healthy. So my weight was climbing and climbing and then it was, let's walk some more. Okay, let's do this. But then the unhealthy food kept coming in, right?

Yeah.

Now it's nutrition kept. It never stopped.

Yeah. So when you look at this now, like looking back on that and even now, what do you think creates the weight gain? Like, what would be. Do you think it's a genetic thing? Do you think it's environment? Do you think it's just unique to individuals? What would be you walking the walk and living this in the best, healthiest way that you can? What do you think about it?

I think that there is no one core cause of weight gain. I think it's always many factors that contribute to that. There is a real thing about surrounding hormone imbalances. And metabolism deficiencies and all of these things, those can be counteracted, those can be worked with. But when you're in a situation where you have that you have a family that is predisposed to eating a certain way or certain thoughts around exercise. For instance, I grew up in a community where the only people that worked out were athletes. Like I didn't see people go out and walk just for pleasure, go to the gym just for pleasure. Like that was, excuse me, that was rich white people, things. That wasn't what we did. So a healthy relationship with exercise was something that I knew nothing about. Incorporate that with trauma. Incorporate that with, you know, all of the other nuances of life. Access to certain programs and, you know, resources and knowledge, information. Yeah, all of those things can do. Contribute most cases to obesity in anyone.

Yeah. And I'm wondering, you know, as I'm talking to you and looking at you and I've been following you for quite some time, I really do think there's a difference between we're not talking somebody that gains 20 pounds, 25 pounds, 50 pounds. Because that, yes, that very much could be choice and lifestyle and mindset, There's a whole bunch of things. But when you're talking 100 plus pounds, I do believe that there's something else going on. I don't believe that that's just a, you know, we ate the wrong foods or we have an emotional thing. I think there's a combination. So I definitely see that. Talk to me because you have really walked this walk in a very empowering way for quite some time. How did you. Oh gosh, I have so many questions, I'm even getting lost in my own head right now. But let's start with that. How did you even turn this into. I want to motivate and empower people. Because looking at you now, you're so vibrant and confident and healthy in so many ways. But yeah, it's. But. And I know you talk about this. You're not the skinny girl, you're not the tiny toned one that had this like, I lost, you know, all of it and whatever. How did you become who you are without getting there first? Does that make sense, what I'm asking?

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's a two part answer. First, it's ingrained in me and when I think about examples, growing up in high school, I tried out for the drill team and I made it. Me and one other girl were plus size and everybody else was average size. They purchased the uniforms and they didn't have skirts that fit. Us. And so they wanted to kick us off the team.

Wow.

And I said, no, you won't. So I went home and told my mom. My mom said, call your friend. My best friend was on the drill team, too. She said, see if you can borrow her skirt. I'm like, absolutely. So I called her. She said, yeah, you can. My mom took me and my other friend to the fabric store. We found fabric that matched the skirt and we made skirts. And we were like, you're not gonna stop us. We know we're gonna do this. Right? And so I think a part of that is just ingrained in me. I'm always. I'm the healer, and I am the person that always wants to take care of people and help people. And so it's just kind of ingrained in me. When I got to this point in my journey where I started sharing it, I didn't start out with this in mind at all. I was literally just like, I have to make a change. I need to do this for myself. And I started sharing on Instagram because none of my friends and family were there. So I didn't have to deal with the judgment of, here she goes on another diet. Here she just have surgery. I didn't want to hear any of that. So I started on Instagram and not knowing anything about Instagram, somebody found me. A woman found me and she DMed me and she's telling me her story and she's like, I look like I'm your height. I look like I'm your weight. I have a one year old baby. I didn't think what you're doing was possible. Thank you for showing me that. And it clicked. If she's out there, and I know I'm out here, how many other women are sitting in our positions at home battling whether to have surgery or not, whether to give up on life or not, and looking for that one example of that person to show them how strong and powerful they can be.

Yeah.

And I said, okay, you had. This isn't my choice. You have to show that.

Oh, my gosh, I love that. And you know what's so amazing? When I look. When you look at Jay's Instagram, it's not yet she. Although she's very body positive, it's not an account about body positive and just accept who you are. It's very much like she's showing what she's doing. She is active, she is working out, she is modifying. It is so cool to see you walking the walk through that. How do you handle that, Jay? Because I know you inspire so many women and so many amazing comments come in, but how do you handle those? The negative idiots, the ones that are like, they don't know you, they don't get it, and they jump on with their negativity?

Well, you know, the first thing is I try to remind people that you're right. My account is not so much body positive. I am size inclusive.

I love that. Size inclusive?

Yeah. Every size deserves to feel strong and powerful and to walk in their power. When people come to me with the negativity, I look at it as someone that's hurt, that's wounded, that is projecting their feelings onto me. And I think about all of the women who are not strong enough to do what I'm doing or are trying to get to that space, that don't realize they're strong enough, that have not found that source yet in themselves. And I know they're watching and I know it's hurting them, seeing it and reading it. And so I come from a place of education. When someone says something negative, I share with them. This is how this happens. You know, people ask me all the time or comment, yeah, that's great, but why'd you let yourself get so big in the first place? Like, that is the number one comment that I get from people that's really negative.

What do you say? Or how do you handle that? Do you ignore it? Do you address it? What do you do?

I never ignore it. I never ignore it. My answer is always, that is a fantastic question. And it's a question that I've asked myself a million times. And it's not a cut and dry answer. Let me share with you a few of the ways. And I start to tell them about my story. I start to tell them about other women's stories that I know you know, and I remind them there are even. We think of women body dysmorphia, and we think of women that have eating disorders on the opposite end of what you would consider overeating. Right there is that on the other side, too? So I spent years avoiding mirrors. I spent years telling myself in my head, you're beautiful, you're amazing, you're wonderful. And not paying attention purposely to what the physical was transforming into. Right. And so I'm telling these people, like, this is how this happens. And we have so much grace and so much honor for women on the other end of the spectrum. But I need you all to start to think about the other side as well.

That's beautiful. I love that. Now, what's Interesting, too. So sometimes when I see the body positive people, and I love that you said size inclusive. The body positive sometimes to me, goes so extreme in that direction that they're almost shaming the person that's thin. So I love what you said there. Because really, the shame is not okay either direction.

No, not at all. I've had to break through that body positive barrier and get some of them to acknowledge me and accept me and what I'm doing, because there is that backlash and that shame about, well, you obviously don't love yourself. You obviously are not proud of your body because you're intentionally losing weight. And I have to. I tend to address it from another angle, and I say, no. Me walking in this journey is because I love my body. It's because I love myself. Because when I was laying on the ground and I couldn't get up outside, that was not pouring love into myself. And I want my body to be able to live as long as it can and function as long as it can with my children. This is not about hating my shape. It's about loving myself enough to care for my overall health. And that looks different for everybody.

That's so beautiful. Jay and I will share on the other side. Just having so many friends and knowing so many people in, like, the fitness space, I would say they have more issues a lot of times than as I'm talking to you, listening to you, because those people get so overly consumed with how they look and what that means and the judgment from other people and the people pleasing and all that. That. That dictates them where you are. You must feel free, like you're being you. Yeah.

There is a freeing aspect to that. And it's funny you say that, because I had a conversation with a friend that is in the fitness industry, and I said, you don't have people looking at you saying, it's been six months. I don't see any change in your body. And she said, oh, but we do. They just say it behind our backs. They're not as outwardly vocal as they are with you. It's really interesting dynamic. And I feel like on both ends, it just comes back to really getting to a place of loving yourself, nurturing yourself, healing yourself. Right. Because in both instances, there's pain there, there's hurt there. There's some type of a comparison between what you think you should be and where you are and bringing those together. You know, talk to me about before.

We started recording, we were talking about how things are different for someone that is your size and In a lot of way you said just even some of the standard things that someone is 20 to 50 pounds overweight have access to, you don't like she mentioned that she can't even go to some things because she can't fit in the chair. Or can you talk to us about that? Because that does impact your life and your choices differently.

Yeah, so some of the things, like going to the doctor. I have been to many doctor's offices where the tables are not situated in a way that it's easy for someone who is in a larger body to get on. And mind you, I'm 4 foot 11, so I have the extra weight and I'm small. So climbing onto a really high table that's only so wide and when you stand on it, it tips. That's an issue. And so navigating that, I'm calling ahead to say, do the waiting room chairs have arms on them? Am I going to be able to sit comfortably in the waiting room chair? Do you have a blood pressure cuff that will fit my arm to take my blood press? These are basic things that most people don't think about when they go to the doctor, the dentist, the obgyn. There are women in my community who have not had care, that need to have care because they can't lay on the table to be examined properly.

Yeah, that's just something that I think most fit people do not even think of. Like, that wouldn't even have crossed my mind. But it makes so much sense. And then I would imagine then there's just the judgment around it because automatically people that don't know you, they're going to make that quick judgment and assume what they think they know about you.

Absolutely. When I was pregnant with my son, I went in to have a non stress test, make sure that he was fine and I was fine. And as I'm laying there with these monitors on me and I'm at my highest weight at that time, one of the nurses came in and said to me, you should write a letter to Oprah, ask her to help you get weight loss surgery.

Thank you for that unsolicited advice.

Yeah, right. And everybody has these opinions or, you know, going in and having hearing that and then having to say, oh, thank you, I appreciate that I've already lost £218 on my own. And then watching their face like, oh my goodness. You know, it's so easy when your body looks like this to hear that outward judgment. And it's one of the few places that I feel like it's still Acceptable for people to be so openly judgmental.

And that's the thing. It's not. I don't think it's okay at all. But what I want to know is this is really key because this is something. I deal with women all the time. One of the things that we really tackle in my aging and reverse community is the idea of getting past people pleasing and fear of judgment. So who better to ask this question to to you? Because I would imagine you're dealing with that consistently. Can you talk to us about that? How do you deal with getting past people pleasing and fear of judgment?

For me, it's reminding myself consistently, everybody has their thing. I might not be able to see your thing, but you have a thing, you know? And it could be as simple as a celebrity saying they don't wash their hands after they use the bathroom. And everybody's like, oh, you know, or somebody has a gambling issue or, you know, drinks a little too much. Everybody has a thing. Everybody has a space that they could be judged in, you know? And my purpose in this life is not to point fingers and point out people's shortcomings and make them feel worse about themselves, because I understand how that feels, you know? And so the best thing that I can do is to really work on healing myself. I think it really all goes back to healing and being the best, strongest version of myself that I can be. And everybody's judgments and pointing and all of that is just a reflection of their own insecurities, the things that they're battling.

So evolved of you to get that. Did you have to deal with overcoming, judging in the other direction? Because I would imagine you probably would look at someone that appears very fit or whatever initially is that they're lucky or whatever. Like, what was the conversation you had around people that were the opposite of you in that direction? That did you have judgment or negativity around them that you had to work through, or have you always been accepting of that as well?

I think we all have a little bit of judgment when we're in larger bodies and we see people, especially our friends, that seem like they can eat everything, you know what I mean? And not gain an ounce. Or when you hear a friend say, oh, I'm so fat, and they're like 120 pounds, and it's like, seriously, really, I wish my fat was your fat. But after spending so many times, so much time around people and hearing so many stories and understanding that, yeah, your idea of where you want to be versus where I'm at can be totally Different. So you gaining 10 pounds and feeling a certain way is totally justifiable because that's your body and that's how you feel, and that's your comfort level. Right. And I had to learn that even the lucky people, the people that can eat all day long and not gain an ounce. I've watched friends try to gain weight, you know, and it's almost as stressful and taxing on them as the person trying to lose the weight, you know? And so just again, remembering, like, everybody is walking through this journey and battling these things.

Yeah. And you know what's so amazing? If you look, centuries ago, it was the opposite. If you were skinny, you were judged as being poor and not having access, and it wasn't attractive. And if you look at images of beautiful women from those years, like, they were always bigger, and it was like, that was looked up to. So isn't that interesting how just the time you're born affects what people's opinions are?

Absolutely. Time you're born culture, you know?

Yeah. Okay, so I want to. So let's get into the nitty gritty of it. Like, first of all, you lost 218 pounds. That's freaking incredible. Like, where. What? I didn't know you were 4 foot 11. That's a whole nother thing. I'm like, so where. What was your starting? Because people are going to ask numbers, like, what was your starting weight? And how did you lose that 218 and how long did it take?

I was hitting 700 pounds.

Wow. Jay.

I don't know my exact weight because at that point, like, I have very many weighing options, and I wasn't going to the doctor consistently because of all of the nuances.

Were you scared at that weight? Were you scared that you were gonna. Your life was at risk? Like, what was. Were you depressed?

I had gotten to a point where I was terrified. We had gone through a lot in life. My husband at the time had lost his job, was unemployed for two years. We lost our house. I was homeless with two kids, and he got a new job, but we were working homeless, you know, and then I couldn't find a job because of my weight. And so just dealing with all of that, of course there is, you know, some depression that I was going through that I didn't recognize at the time. And I got to the point where I would fall asleep when I was driving. Like, not in the motion of driving, but at a stoplight. I would fall asleep at the wheel, or I was sleeping at night, and I would wake up gasping for Air. And I remember going back to sleep thinking, okay, please wake me up in the morning, please wake me up in the morning. Please don't let my kids find me. And my breaking point was when I dropped my kids off at school. And I had always said, Natalie Gillette always said by the time my kids started school, I would not be fat because I didn't want my children to bear the burden of my decisions when it came to being bullied. And, you know, kids are mean. Well, that didn't happen. And one day I went to the bank, which was across the street from my children's school, and I got out of the car and I slipped and I fell outside. And people were still dropping their kids off at school and it was on a busy street and I couldn't get up. And two parents from the school saw me and they came over to try and help me up. Two men and a woman. And I didn't trust that the men were strong enough. And I didn't trust that I was strong enough to help them help me up. The last thing that they said was, we can call an ambulance to get you up. And I said, no, that's not an option. Thankfully, I had a bench in my trunk because I take seating everywhere I go. So I was like, I have a bench. Can you get it out of my trunk? And I was able to use that to get up. And that's the moment when I said, I don't care how scared you are. I don't care how scared you are about the process of losing weight, about the pain of training, about any of that stuff. You have to do something and you have to do it now.

You just said something that just caught my attention. You said, I carry seating with me everywhere I go. How interesting. Like, we all carry our wallet, our keys, our driver's license, a bottle of water, maybe.

Seating, yeah, literally I have a fold out bench that stays in my trunk and then one of those, like soccer chairs that you take to, you know, soccer games and football games. And I have a little step stool that I take to all my doctor's appointments so I can get on the tables if their tables.

I mean, just imagine listening to that. If your way of life is, you have to think through those things. Like worrying about can I fit in a bathroom stall or can I sit on the airplane or can I travel because of that. I can't even imagine what that would. I mean, we're already stressed enough. Like, I forgot my snack, you know, or my water bottle. But this is like a big this is a big thing that I think so many people are so unaware of, that this is a real, this is a real, real thing. I mean, the obesity epidemic right now is huge. So this is not just Jay talking about this. This is a lot of people that are in hiding not sharing about this.

And that's what floors me, is that there are so many people and we see the numbers, we see the numbers increasing regarding the obesity epidemic. And then there are options out there, you know, as simple as putting a chair, like a dental chair in an exam room at a doctor's office would mean the world, even if it's in one room, you know, so that a person can sit in the chair and then it can be laid flat so that they can be examined. Yeah, but you're right. Day to day, every single activity that you attend when you're in a larger body comes with a host of things that you have to figure out before you can go. Pulling up the location on Google to check parking. I live in la. I can't go anywhere that has parking that's three blocks away. Well, in the beginning. That's three blocks away. I have to ride share and I have to check that out in the beginning.

Yeah.

Even ordering a ride share. Which version am I going to pick? Am I going to be able to easily get in and out?

Wow, Jay, what would you say to the person listening? Because you know, they're out there. Unfortunately, we've got the judgers, because like you said, we all, we all judge. That would say, okay, but this is not my words. This is what I know people have said. They think that you've done it to yourself, that it, that people that are obese. It's from the lazy or eating too much. Those people, what do you want them to know?

My first thing would be, does it matter? Does it matter if it happened because I was lazy or if I had one too many pints of ice cream or if I avoided the gym? What does it matter if I am acknowledging the fact that I want to live, if I'm trying to do something about it and even if I'm not at the space of acknowledging it yet? In what world do you think that you shaming me is going to make me take action?

I just got chills. Jay, that is so good. No one's ever answered that question to me like that. And that is so authentic and real. And you are so right. Because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it was a genetic thing that happened. It doesn't matter if it was a decision. It doesn't matter if whatever the bottom line is, she is saying, I want to get healthy, I want to change. So I get that. And thank you for saying that. That was very, such a great, amazing answer. Okay, so now the next question that I know, everyone wants to know, how did you do it? How did you. So from that moment you decided, like, this is not going to be me. I'm going to change it. What did it take? So I heard decision first, which is awesome. You had a why, you knew why you wanted to do it. What was the next step?

Acknowledging where my shortcomings were. So I have a friend that has a karate studio and he personally trains. So I went to him and his mother had been dropping hints to me. We're going on the cruise, he's going to start new training every day. And I knew she was trying to get me to come in, but I'm like, I'm not listening. So when that happened, I said, okay, I need to go in. And I said, okay, I'm ready. What do I need to do to start? I had to admit my shortcomings. And my shortcoming was I knew if I dropped my kids off at school and then I came home, I was not going to go. I was either going to get busy or I was just going to make up some busy to not leave the house again until I absolutely had to. So I dropped them off at 7:30 in the morning. My training session was at 9:30. I put a blanket in my car, I drove to the gym, I parked my car and I went to sleep in my car until he showed up. And he would show up and he would knock on my window. And I knew once he saw me, I couldn't throw my car in reverse and leave because I'd have to see him again later. And he'd say, what did you do? Where'd you go? And so it was literally just showing up for myself and knowing my shortcomings and I had to remove all the obstacles, all of the excuses to not show up for myself.

That is powerful. I love that. So it is so much more than deciding and knowing your why. So you started with the workouts. Was it so challenging the first day? Did it feel empowering? And what do you want people to know about that? Just starting point.

It was definitely challenging. It wasn't easy. I had to be honest with myself and with my trainer about my abilities at that time. And we literally, I stood up, would do some punches for 30 seconds and sit down. I would stand up And I would do modified jumping jacks for 30 seconds and then sit down for two minutes. And that was our training session for several weeks. But if you stick with it, you don't see, it's not like this magical moment where just you go from doing one jumping jack to doing 50 in one day. But every single day it's just a millimeter further and a millimeter further and a millimeter further until one day you open your eyes and you're like, oh, wait a minute, I'm standing for 30 minutes when I could only stand for 30 seconds. Right.

So it's those small wins, like baby steps forward and acknowledging and owning that you got the small wins. It's interesting because if sometimes people think that that's like, oh, that's too slow, like, if I'm going to lose, call it two pounds a week, which is really a great safe fat loss number if you think about it. But what I want people to hear is that that in a year is over £100. So that's significant. So those baby small steps do create a massive change. And that's basically. It sounds like what happened to you.

Absolutely. And, you know, it seems small in the beginning, it seems slow in the beginning, but what's even slower is not doing anything at all, is not taking that first step. And for someone that has so much weight on their body, 30 seconds of jumping jacks is all you need. And once you have the right tools and you have the right education, you really don't have to spend. And this is something that I tell women all the time. You don't have to spend two hours in the gym, and you have to do something that is going to fit your lifestyle, that is going to feel good to you. Right. And that you enjoy to make it a consistent habit. If you're in the gym two hours a day and you can't get anything else done and you're miserable the entire time, you're not going to stick with it, right, Jay?

I don't believe two hours at the gym is necessary for anybody. By the way, I'll tell you, like me, myself, and I know you followed my stuff for quite some time. My workouts are short. I mean, a long workout for me is 30 minutes.

Yes.

So it doesn't. I believe in progression and intensity. And that's basically what you're doing, too. It's from where you are being intense and progressing from there. Talk to me about the diet part. What did you decide about food? How do you look at food now? What were the changes that you made.

So with food, I started with one micro change of time, just like with my exercise. My biggest battle in the beginning was I had gotten in a place with my relationship where the way I bonded with my husband was through his likes and desires. And he loved sweets and desserts. And so I got used to having dessert every night after dinner, which I normally didn't do. And so it was like, how can I change that one thing? So I found a really cool swap for cheesecake, which was my favorite, that was more nutritional, that had less sugar, had less calories.

I need that recipe.

It's so simple. And it's not like the best cleaning eating recipe by far. Right. But it was better than the cheesecake. I took a cup of yogurt with strawberries and I took half of a bar of a graham cracker and crumbled it on top. And that was my dessert. And it gave me the taste of cheesecake without all of the calories and all of the sugar of a cheesecake. Is it the best clean recipe? Absolutely not. But it was better than where I was.

I love that too. And this is something I speak into a lot, so I love that you share that. It's not about going to these drastic changes. To me, it's about adding in more of the good and you make less room for the bad. And it's those simple, small changes over time. I think if you go extreme and it's like I have to give up everything and I can't, that is intimidating for anyone.

Yeah, it's intimidating. And it leaves you feeling like you have this forbidden thing over here. And we all know what happens with that. Like, especially with some of us strong willed people. You tell me I can't have it. That's the thing I want.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna find a way to get it. I also reframed the way I thought about food. So I stopped saying cheat meal or good food and bad food or any of those terms. And I started asking myself when I had particular cravings, when the yogurt didn't cut it, and I really wanted that cheesecake. I said, jay, is this in alignment with your current goals? Yes or no? Because that's a simple answer. If it wasn't okay, it's not in alignment, you still want it. Is it worth having it? Yes or no? Some days it was worth it. Some days it was like, I just need that. Something in my mind is saying, no, I'm not going to be satisfied until I have that. Have it.

Yeah.

And then keep Moving.

Jay, how do you eat now? So I love that that's how you started. Do you have. Do you focus on processed foods? Do you focus on portions? Like, what's your philosophy on food? If you were to just kind of sum it up in, like, a little blurb. If I said, how do you eat now? What would you say?

As unprocessed as possible. Really balanced. I tend to not have as many carbohydrates because of health reasons, not because of fad diets, because I have celiac.

I'm celiac, too. Did you know that?

I did, yeah. So, you know, I do more healthy fats and good proteins, and I just try and make sure that I have a good balance. And with anything, I feel like if I double up on my veggies, I can have that little bit of that extra that you would normally want, and it's okay. Like, it's not going to kill you. So try and work on that portion.

Oh, my gosh. And okay, so you lost how you lost over. You said 218 pounds is incredible. How over. How long was that lost?

So that's been over the span of three years.

Okay. It's incredible.

Thank you.

That's a whole. That's two people.

Yeah. I tell people I lost a full obese person.

You did. That's funny. So for people listening that are in that place right now, talk to me about the difference in how you feel losing that. I'm guessing. I know. But I want to know from you, what changes did you experience from losing that much?

The first change was obviously physical. As soon as I felt it, acknowledged that feeling, you know, being able to walk further, being able to stand longer, being able to have had more energy. I was sleeping better, I was performing better. My attitude changed with my children. I just overall felt better. And then came that emotional and internal stuff. Right. Because I was able to do more of the things that I loved without all of the anxiety that comes along with, am I going to be able to stand? Am I going to be able to walk? You know, all of those things. So it's an amazing feeling. It really is.

Yeah. What are your goals now with yourself? And I want to get into, like, how. What you really do with other women. Because you guys, if you're not following her Instagram, you have to check this out. Becoming Jai. Becoming J. And it's just incredible. I watch, I look what she's doing. She takes unhealthy meals and helps you make them healthier. She takes exercises that you'll see from someone like me or anyone and modifies it because she's coming from a place of really knowing. Like, okay, how do we take what you just saw on Natalie Jill's thing or on so and so's thing, and how do we modify that for someone that's in this type of body?

Right. Yeah, I want to do more of that. I want to get to a place in my personal body where I am living life unrestricted. People ask me what my goal weight is, and I can't tell you because I don't know. To me, it's not a number on that scale. It is a quality of life.

Yeah.

So I want to be able to go to the amusement parks with my kids and get on the rides. I want to be able to do all the things, you know, live. Yeah, exactly. Like that is my goal. And I want to help other women realize that they can do the same things. I started really getting hyper focused on showing the modifications because there was no one in a larger body showing the modifiers. Like, at best, the modifier was maybe 175 pounds. And it looks totally different when you have a larger belly, apron or.

Yeah. You know, I'm learning a lot from yours. I like, I look at you, I'm like, I never would have thought of that. Like, it's just things that I'm not, You know, I've always modified too, for a beginner or whatever, but this is different. And I think it's fascinating what you've done. So right now I'm imagining your body is continuing to drop because you're obviously living the lifestyle and do you. So you said you don't love to look at the scale. What keeps you motivated now? Is it that you've got people learning from you and following? Is it that you've had the success? What's your daily motivation to keep you going?

I mean, of course, the people looking and following are. They can be a motivation, but at the same time, life happens. And so I'm very. This is my journey, you know, and I don't allow those factors to really pressure me into performing. What I measure and what I look at is my strength, my ability, you know, am I able to do this longer than I was before? Am I able to go faster, farther, harder than I was before? And I love looking at pictures. I love seeing the way my clothes change and the way I feel and, you know, just the little things. Like I have a knee injury, but I'm still able to get up and down the stairs, whereas before I wouldn't Been able to. Able to get out of the bed. Those are the things that continue to motivate me to keep going. Because I want to see how far at this point it has changed from a weight loss journey, which some people don't understand. They're like, wait a minute, you started this way. It's less of a weight loss journey now for me, and it's more of me building myself as an athlete. And people are like, how can you do that if you're plus size? But you can, because you start to focus on the things that athletes focus on, which is your performance, your output, you know, your physical internal healing, and all of those things.

So that's so good. So good. Okay, I have another question that I skipped over earlier that I wrote down because I had to come back to it. You mentioned that when you were £700, you were homeless with your two kids, and you were obviously going through a huge rough time. I want to know, in that, those moments, how did you find the will and courage to keep going and turn around? And I'm really, genuinely asking, because there are people that are listening to this that are in their own personal rock bottom, wherever it is. And everyone I've ever interviewed on the show has had those moments. And this is a really, really critical part for people to hear. And I'm genuinely curious, like, how did you pull yourself up and make things happen without giving up? Because some people go a complete different direction. They go into deep depression, they go into using drugs, they go into covering up pain. They give up. They seclude. How did you. What did you do? What tools do you suggest to get people to shift into what you did and how you created this and got out of that?

I knew that I was created for more than to give up. I knew that if this was my bottom, that my ascension could only be that much more magnificent. And it was guaranteed to me. My children definitely inspired me to not stop because they were looking at me. You know, they're looking at me and asking me, how can we do this? And I never. I want to say probably like six years ago, I made the decision to take every negative thing that entered my life and to try and find one positive thing about it. And some of those days it was, yeah, I'm sleeping in a hotel room because I don't have a home, but the man on the corner doesn't have a hotel room. And I can go ahead and give him some of my food because he has less than I do. And I'm just thankful that I have that roof over my kid's head, even though it's not my permanent home.

You know, you practice gratitude even from.

That spot all the time. It's the only way. I feel like you can get through really difficult situations because if you dwell on the negative, it suffocates you. Right. And what you tell yourself is what you become. I absolutely believe and I tell my children all of the time, like, if you say things are bad, they're going to be bad. If you say they're good, and if you find the good in it, then the good is going to multiply. So keep finding the good and keep working. And it is hard. It is challenging. Things are challenging, but the challenges are there to build you and make you stronger so that you can enjoy that highlight even more. Yeah.

Wow. If someone is listening right now and they are in their own personal rock bottom and you were to give them some advice right now, and I know you just shared from your perspective what you did, what would you tell them to do to start and to start shifting this?

I think the first thing is to reach out to your resources. If you need help, you need help. It's okay. It's absolutely okay to ask for help. It's okay to be vulnerable. And that typically is that catalyst. Right. And to understand that everything is temporary. And if you want more, make the decision and start to look at the ways, the things that you can change in your situation and start to work on those little things one at a time.

Mm. So good, Jay. This was so good. Where can people find you other than I shouted out your Instagram because I love it. You guys follow her Instagram. Becoming J A I. Where else can they find you?

I am on Facebook, on YouTube. They're on becoming Jay as well, across social platforms and becoming J calm.

I love it. And then what's getfitwithjay.com so getfitwithj.com is.

My monthly membership that I have. I have a membership vault for women that are 100 pounds or more overweight. We focus on mindset health, we focus on modified workouts, and we focus on modified eating recipes, meal plans, and all of those things. And so that is my community that I love it.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review, I appreciate those so much. I read all of them. And it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over over on Instagram @nataliejillfit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.