146: Mastering Millionaire Success Habits with Dean Graziosi

Hi, I'm Natalie. Jill, Fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst, learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. I've been a follower of Dean Graziosi's work for years. His teachings, his books, his podcast, his gifts at motivating people into massive action, his knowledge of sales and storytelling. I was dying to know how this leading success coach, multiple time New York Times bestselling authority, continues to touch millions around the world, leveling up his skill set year after year after year. You see, Dean, he wasn't a textbook person destined for success as many would believe. In fact, as a student, he struggled with grades, with dyslexia, and he had no plans to go to college. He never even took the SATs. His plan, well, it was to run his dad's collision shop. So how did this average, not so great student become a major success story that leads with heart and so much vision? Join in today and learn exactly how Dean Graziosi leveled up and created everything from nothing. I am so excited. I've been waiting to do this interview forever with Dean Graziosi. I've met his wife, I know people that know him, but I'd never met him in person. And I. And I feel like I know Dean because I listened to pretty much everything he's ever educated on. I've heard him interviewed before. I've listened to his podcast, I've read his books. So I feel like I know him. And this is a one sided starting out.

It's all good.

Thank you so much for being here. I'm dying to dive in. You're so successful and I can't wait for my audience to know you because they don't know where you came from and where. Where you started from. So thanks for being here today.

Yeah, really. You're welcome. And it's a pleasure to be here. You know, it's what keeps me excited and motivated to still do interviews and be on your podcast. I love the impact you're making on the world through your fitness side and also with the personal growth side and exposing people to new capabilities. But if you think about it, in my world, when I was 18, 20, 25, there was no YouTube and Facebook and Instagram, there wasn't a way to go gain capability so easy you couldn't go listen to a great podcast. Right. I wasn't great at reading. I had dyslexia, so I hated reading. It was like. I was like. I stayed away from it because it was painful because it was so hard. Right. Fortunately for me, I bought Tony Robbins course. Now he's one of my dearest friends and we partner on a lot of stuff together. But back 25 years ago, I bought Tony Robbins course, and it literally course corrected my life. It gave me capabilities, gave me personal growth, taught me a different way to look at a bigger future for myself. Right. So that's part of it. And I'll go as deep as you want in the story. But I love doing these interviews, and I admire a woman like you who's given back to the world because there's so many people right now who need this. And I hope today, some of the stuff we talk about today might not serve you, but I guarantee you, if you spend the time with us, there'll be at least one thing that you go, oh, my God, I need to do this now. So take what serves you, throw the rest away. But no, it's. If I'm here, I'm going to give it all out of me, everything I can. There's no questions that are off limits or taboo, and let's do the best to serve your audience.

Amazing. Thank you. So it's funny because if someone were to Google you right now, or they hear you, they just automatically assume that you were born massively successful, like, just everything was just handed to you, all the cards were in your favor. And I'm sure you run into that a lot, too. People just assuming that it was just all gifted to you, but I know that's not who you always were. Can you take us back? Like, who were you before all this?

Yeah. So, no, I'd love to share the story. And for everybody listening, I just want to share. The reason I think it's good to tell a story is just so you know where this information comes from. And I think that's what you. And that's why it's great what you're doing on getting stories and entrepreneurial journeys and people who came from tough spots, because there's a lot of people listening right now, feeling like an underdog. I was just at my friend Rachel Hollis's event over the weekend In South Carolina. 6,000 women there. Business, rise. Business. And I said, who in this audience feels like has ever felt or Feel like an underdog and the whole audience raised their hand. So there's always those times in our life we feel like we could do it if our husband support us, we could do it if it was a different economy, we could do it if our family had our backs, right? We could do it if I had more money. We have all these different things and it doesn't make us bad. So the reason I share that is because I want you to look through those eyes as I tell these stories. Because no matter where you are when you're listening right now, you got your back against the wall and you're going through a tough time. I've been there. I've had sleepless nights, stressed out of my mind, broker than broke, not knowing what I was going to do in my life, not know how to know. I didn't want to work for somebody else. But how do you start your own company? I've been there. I've also been where I've got to 100 grand a year and I thought it was amazing and got to 200 grand a year and almost lost all my money and started over again. But I've also got to a million a year and 10 million a year and you know, my brand has done, you know, over $100 million a year. So I've been at every phase, I failed miserably in between. I've had super highs, super lows, and now being my God, I'll be 51 next week. I've had this life experience that I love to share the story, only not to toot my own horn or brag about where I've been. It's more like I hope at the end you go, oh my God, not much different than me. I get it. And if you could say, even for a glimpse, wow, if Dean did it, I could do it then, then we won here, then this was worth our time. And to give you the inspiration to go, yeah, yeah.

And I'm so curious about this because I know you've had more failures than you can count, probably. But how when you get into those spots of failure, let's even start there. When you're in those spots of failure, do you ever have that self doubt? Maybe, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I am a failure. Does that ever come up for you?

No, my chakras are aligned and. No, absolutely. Every time. Every time. Still at this phase of my life, it still creeps back in. Listen, so I'll just give you a little bit of the journey. I didn't take my SATs, I was horrible in school, decided I was definitely not going to college. By 11th grade, I was getting out of school by 11:30 in the morning. My guidance counselor, I remember her saying, oh my God, you didn't take your SATs, you're not going to college. And she said, well, maybe you could work for the only factory in town that was hiring at minimum wage. There was nothing in between. There was no, you can go down the self education route. You could read books, you can go to workshops, you could be mentored by somebody. None of that even existed. That's why I'm such an advocate. Right. But I knew there was more for me. Just like I bet everybody listening right now, we all know there's more. I think one of the biggest plights of our world, Dale Carnegie said it, is knowing that we have untapped potential. We all know there's more to give. Sometimes we just don't know where to get the capabilities to go do it. Right. So out of school I started working with my dad in his collision shop. And I'm like, that'll be my path. And if I can make a thousand bucks a week someday, that'll be great. And after a couple years of my dad's collision shop, he went through a divorce and went through a really tough time in his life and he gave up on everything. So I was in my early 20s, I thought at least I had this foundation. He gave up on his collision shop, he let his house go to the bank and I was living in this little 300 square foot apartment. And literally in my 20s, when I thought at least I had something, it was all gone. And so that sounds like. Yep. Like, but let's look at the real emotions of those stories. I have great, I had great friends in high school. They went off to college and I was like, I'm not going to college, but I'm going to be partners of my dad. Right. So at least I had a story. Right. And then all of a sudden that was gone. Like I didn't even have the crappy ass collision shop that didn't make my dad much money. That was gone.

Yeah.

Then it's like your identity, you didn't.

Know what your identity was.

Yeah. And then I'm like, what do I do? So I, I moved, I rented my dad's house so he wouldn't lose it because he like disappeared. And I moved all the stuff out of this collision shop my dad had and I moved it into this. I lived in this little 300 square foot apartment and there was an old Barn on the property. I moved the tools and the compressor and a wood stove in this little barn. And I started working on friends in every car I want. So now, not at all did I not have a company. I had to go to my friends and people I knew and say, hey, can I do your brakes? Hey, can I paint your car? I felt, like, completely miserable. And that feeling that I still get, but more severe, was like, see, you're not that smart. Your guidance counselor was right. You can't read. You don't know anything about business. You think you're a hustler. Hustler's not enough. Working hard is not enough. And I started telling myself all these stories and going down a path of being depressed and off track. But luckily, and I think we all have that voice inside, there was also the other side of me that said, screw that. You're not going to let this get you down. You're not going to be the norm. You're not going to be. Your parents think that you're normal. Everybody thinks that you should slow down and stop being a dreamer. Screw that. So I had this, like, duality that I think we all have. I bet you you had it like you could do it. You got it. And no, you're not good enough. You don't have. You know what I mean?

Did somebody. Was there somebody in your life that was believing with. In you on the other side? Because I think that voice does overtake so many people. Like, where. Where was that coming from that you would hear that voice, but you didn't get sucked into it, that you knew there was something else?

Great question. I would bet to say my grandmother, she was like an anchor in my life every day of my life. She told me I was gorgeous and I could do anything I want. And she passed away. But she was still a part of my life at that time. And no one's ever asked me that, but I would bet to say it was my grandmother. And then I started becoming friends with people older in my town.

Okay.

And I had one friend that was 75, one friend that was 60, another one 65, all three really successful people in this town. And I'd love to say I had this epiphany, but looking back, what I did is I realized that they approached life differently than my parents. My parents. But they didn't have anything, and they struggled and they stressed and they weren't that happy. And they got divorces and they didn't smile a lot, and life was heavy. And for these people that were successful, they all started with nothing. They were doing well, and they had different habits. They looked at life differently. And that was probably my biggest transition. And I started getting momentum. And I ended up buying back the Collision. The lady that owned the Collision shop where my dad's at, she let me move back in there and buy that building from her with no money down. And I started Dean Collision center, and then Dean Auto Sales. And then my real estate career took off, and I started building houses. Houses and had apartments. Now, that I fail miserably, of course, but I started getting really good momentum. And then in my mid-20s, life changed forever. I saw this big guy on an infomercial, Tony Robbins. I got that course, and it just gave me a whole different way to look at life. I started working on my own personal development. And then I decided to go into that world, and I created my first course and my first infomercial. And that's when everybody told me I was crazy and a dreamer. You already made it, but that's not going to work for you. And family sat down. My family sat me down, literally, like an intervention. Like I was on drugs. I made it this far. I'm sure you had. You made it this far. We give you. Well, let's. Let's give it up for Dean. But now you're biting off more than you could chew. You're going to lose everything. And I got into that space. I was in the car business and real estate and trying to get my infomercial and the information industry. I wanted to be. I wanted to provide value. Tony changed my life. I wanted to change other people's lives, get paid to do it just like he did. So I start getting in that space, and I start getting momentum. And then. Then I sold that company to move on to real estate education. I sold it to a bad company. They did bad things. I had to take the company back and went into millions of dollars in debt because of the person I sold it to. And that was another time when I was like, okay, you got too big for your britches. Like, I had to go to court to take a company back. It was like I sold them a racehorse. They broke its legs. And then I had to go to court to take, like, horseback. And that was a really difficult time.

Dean, I have so. I have so many questions that are coming after me. Like, so what I notice when I interview anyone that's uber successful, they live in possibility versus, like, reality. And what is so, like, I see and I call. Excuses are possibility. And what I want to know. And maybe you don't even know. But I'm curious. They're like, how do you decide to stay in possibility versus getting sucked into like reality? Because you had a lot of like failure stuff happen that was reality. You had to look at it like your parents, your family meant well with the intervention. How did, did you stay focused on that possibility versus like okay, but this is reality. I have to, I have to, you know, dim my light.

Yeah, that's really, really great questions. I'm enjoying this. It's easy to look back in hindsight and know I don't know, I probably didn't know why at that time. I just know that I didn't want my parents life. Like I think if we really lean into the things like people say, you know, you want to have a compelling future, some aspirational to go for, go for it. But that only works for half the people in the world because they're like, it's not enough to drive them. The other half of the world has to look at the painful past and you have to run away from that. So you're either you can find motivation to keep going by running away from a painful past, running away to be like your parents, running away from a life of status quo, running away where you don't have choices, or the other half of the world wants to run towards a life of more abundance, more freedom, more choices. And I'm just going to tell you, one's not better than the other. You got to figure out which one moves you. Because half of the world is a move away person, a stick person, and the other half of the world is a carrot person. You're moving towards motivation, figure out which one is for you. I would bet to say in my 20s it was all I didn't want to be, I didn't want to settle, I didn't like that. Everything revolved around not having enough money. Like I just did an interview last week and I said, and I'll share this with you. Like as we're sitting here having this conversation, have either one of us thought about oxygen? Right. You haven't thought about how much oxygen is in your room, right? But now you're just breathing, it's abundant, it's everywhere you just breathing.

We need it to live.

Yeah, but if someone walked in and squeezed your throat, you wouldn't think about anything but oxygen because you need more of it, right? So I equate that with money. My parents were starved for money and that's all they thought about it. And we had lack and we couldn't make choices and we couldn't do the things we wanted. And here's what I know when money's out of your life and I bet that you've experienced this in your life. When you don't think about money, when it's abundant like the oxygen in this room and you stop thinking about it, then you think about, how can I be a better human? How can I be a better parent, how can I be a better wife, be a better husband? How can I be a better human? How can I get rid of these old scars from my childhood? How can I work through the trauma? How can I help other people, how can I donate meals? Like those things don't come into your life until money is no longer an issue. And I'd love to say I thought through it so deeply at 20, but I guarantee that's what I thought about, like without money I have to live someone else's life. Without money I'm gonna have to find a job and live by someone else's rules. And I hated rules. I didn't like rules in school, I didn't like rules in high school. I didn't take rules from my parents because I didn't think they were qualified. I love them, but I'm like, you're gonna tell me how to run my life? Yours is hosed up. So I just remember wanting to be in control of my life, not a control freak, just to do what I want, when I want to do it. Like I could fast forward. In today's world, success means to me like 2:40 every day that my kids are with me. There's nothing in the world, not a billion dollar deal that could stop me from leaving here. Because at 3 o' clock I'm standing outside my kids door. When they come out of school, they see my face. They're going to be 11 and 13 in the next couple weeks. That soon they might tell me I can't. But until they tell me I can't. Nothing's more important than no one's going to tell me, oh, you can't leave till 5. Like I will fight for that. I will die for that. If I want to take off a month in the summer to be with my kids before they go off to college and have their own life, there's nobody going to tell me. So I will get up earlier than everybody else, I will work later because I know that compelling future and I also know where I don't want to be. So I look back at my 20 year old self. It's like I just didn't want to be somebody that people told what to do, how to do it. And even my parents, like I retired both my parents while I was still in my 20s. That's incredible because I just wanted, like, if I give you money, then just love me, don't give me advice. Advice, right. So anyway, that's it. So I would say everybody else, how does that relate to everybody? Listening is decide if you are a sticker or a carrot. Move away from, move towards. And if you have pain of being someone in the past, feel the pain, stop ignoring it. Stop meditating and saying you're blessed. Feel the negativity of leaving your life the way it is. Feel the negativity of keeping that stuff story in your life that's holding you back. Overcome that fear, your next level of life lives on the other side of the thing you fear the most. Tackle that fear. Use inspiration of pain from the past or motivation for where you can go in the future. But know you have more gas in the tank, you have more to give the world. And the last thing I think could really anchor that in, I believe at the end of our life, I mean, imagine this silly thing at the end of our life, we live to be a hundred and we sit down with God or whoever you believe your maker is right. And God says, okay, so tell me about your life. And you go, well, you know, I was, I really wanted to go after it, but you know, I had that one thing happen in my 25. My partner screwed me over and then my wife or my husband didn't support me. So, you know, I found a good job and I lived a good life. And I played, you know, I played. I think I did it, you know, I did the best I could. I could picture God be like, oh, another one. Another one? Yeah, another one. Played it safe. I made you human. I put you on earth. I gave you a brain. I gave you limitless possibilities. And you lived a good life. You lived an okay life. Oh my God, like, I could feel God's frustration, like, next. Ah, next. Right. And I think about that on a regular basis. I don't want that. Like, and some people do. That's okay. And I bet if you do, you wouldn't be listening to this exact interview. You know why you're here? Because you desire that more. So, so find face those fears, get a compelling future. Let the pain hurt of going backwards. Don't let that story hold you back. And all of these things cumulatively are what you get to look at something go, wow, How'd they get through that? Because they knew where they were going.

Yeah, I don't believe that people genuinely want to play it safe. I think they do that because they're scared of facing what you just said. They're scared of the feelings, they're scared of the hurt, they're scared of the failure or the setback. That's what I believe because I feel that that's where excuses come from. It helps people stay safe, you know.

Yeah. True story.

I'm curious about, like, okay, so you mentioned something earlier that I've faced as a child too, and it does repeat a pattern in my life. And I'm curious how you, how you broke through that. So you mentioned that like you were dyslexic and you weren't the best student. So like when you had a failure, you would go back to that story. Well, maybe I am not smart. Maybe I am. Maybe the teachers are right, Maybe my parents are right. Was it the Tony Robbins stuff that busted you through that? Like where, what was it that helped you recognize that and break that pattern?

Really great question. So I would say absolutely getting into personal growth because Tony introduced me to Wayne Dyer and Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra and coach John Wooden. And then I found out about Dale Carnegie and Earl Nightingale and like all this mindset and I still, I still absorb personal growth and personal development on a regular basis because it's what's upstream. Right. You could give somebody a business on how to sell $20 bills for $10 and without the right mindset, they will screw it up. It doesn't work where I live. My family said it's not real. It's like people don't like $20 bills where I live. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, so you need the mindset. So going back to the story where I know I digress and get excited and go down a lot of different rabbit holes, but I talked about Motor Millions or my first information product that I sold. I sold the company, tried to move on how to take that company, $2 million in debt. And I went right back into that, like that self loathing, you're not smart enough. Who thought you could run a big company. You should have went to college, maybe you should get a job. All of those same emotions came flooding back, like in high, like heightened because I really thought I was losing everything. I didn't have the money to pay off all this debt. But then if I think back, one of the things that helped me as I listened to more, I went back to listen to more Tony Robbins and Wayne dyer and immersed myself and started come up with a compelling future and started, like, really doing all the things you probably hear about that you don't think are the answer was the answer for me. I started an incantation. I started literally every day, if I can get through this, I can get through anything. If I can get through this, I can get through anything. I remember saying it, and I. Sometimes I'd add the F word to if I can get through this. MFer I can get through anything. And I'd say it. I'd say it so much that I'd get goosebumps. And here's the thing. When you shift your mindset, and I want to share this with everybody. I know you've heard this. I know you've read, you've watched videos, But I'm just telling you from personal experience that when you shift your mindset, it's like you put on a different set of glasses. Now, when that first happened, I'm like, there's no way I can get through this. I'm gonna have to file bankruptcy. My life's over. That's literally the way I felt. And then I felt all my friends who told me I was a dreamer were right. My family said I was a dreamer. They were right. All of those feelings, and they felt heavy, and I felt paralyzed. Then. Working on personal growth, creating a compelling future, motivating myself to move forward, gaining new capabilities, getting a mantra and talking about, I can get through this, I get through anything. Shifted that, like, cellular process in my body, and all of a sudden, everything was the same. I still owed 2 million bucks. There are still clients that need to be paid back. I still didn't have the money to pay it. All those things were same, but they looked completely different. Now it's like, I got this. I can handle this. And I put a system in place, and I called every client that was owed money and said, hey, I sold. We were completely transparent with them and said, hey, we sold the company. They did this, but I took the company back. I'm responsible. I know you're owed a thousand bucks. We don't have it all. Can we pay 100 bucks a month? 90% of the clients, like, Dean, I'm so sorry. Yes. Tell Dean I'll take monthly payments. And the 10% of the people that were mad, we paid them up front. And then I put all my energy into launching my new real estate course. And all of a sudden, that got momentum, and I took all the profits for a whole Year, a whole year. I'd make, you know, 20 grand in a week. I'd take 19 of it and put it in this. And I paid it off. And it just built the grit and what I realized, well, it's easier to realize now. But when I look back, as Tony says, life happens for us, not to us. All that was designed for me. It made me a better man. It took knowledge and turned it into wisdom. I was battle hardened. I figured out, you know, not to be. So don't rush so quick into something. Make sure you vet. I had all these new next level capabilities. Now when I was in, it was I like, oh, I'm so thankful I'm going through it. So it sucked. It was terrible, but it was a blessing and it's one of the reasons I'm successful today. So there's just so many different ways to look at it. And then, you know, probably from then until now, which that was probably 15 years ago, I failed two or three more times. I went through that same dip and questioned myself. And you know, we're going on to the partnership I have with Tony right now. We're doing amazing things around the world. We're trying to help fix the broken education system. We're trying to make self education the new norm. We grabbed the tiger by the tail. Some of those days I'm like, do I really want to do this at 50? But the heck with it. We want to change the world. We want to leave impact, want to leave legacy. I got married again. On the other side of that, I'm having a baby in four months. We're having a baby.

Like, wait, I didn't know that. Oh, that's amazing.

Five months pregnant today, we're having a baby. Amazing boy. So with that is just again, there's so many things we could talk about. We could talk about this forever.

No, this is incredible.

It's always having that compelling future. Always change your compelling future too.

Yeah.

It can't stay the same.

I do believe that every breakdown, if you dive into it, does lead to a huge breakthrough and it's that much more. But when the break down is coming, like when you feel it happening, what is that process now? Like, how long do you. I think it's. How fast do you shift out of it now? Because I don't believe, like you don't feel it anymore.

No, I still feel it. Here's the thing I would bet to say when it first happens, and this wasn't that long ago, shifting big companies and changing things around now, I'm not. I'm not dealing with $10,000, $100,000 problems. When something goes sideways now is it's tens of millions. And sometimes that, like. And I'm like, oh, my God, did I. And I have to tell you, when it first goes sideways, I literally resort back to the kid I was at 19 years old. Like, in the first moment. Like, maybe I lived there for three months in the old days or a year and then three months and then a month and then a week. And maybe it's days now, but I still resort back to, God damn it, why did I move too fast? And then I question my decisions. But here's what I know. None of that has ever helped me me. None of it's ever moved the needle. What I have to say is, like, there's two things that happen in life. There's things by choice. I'm going to end this partnership. Or the rug gets pulled out. The business is over, the ads don't work. Your partner stole all the money. Like, things happen in our life that are unexpected.

Yeah.

And some things we must end. Maybe I must end a volatile relationship. Or I came home and my partner's not here. They left. Like, one or two things happen, and all of a sudden it puts us in this space, and our brain wants to go, oh, my God, we're screwed. We're gonna run out of money. The company's go bankrupt. We're gonna do this. We're gonna be alone forever. The kids are gonna be sad. Like, whatever it is, that's where our brain goes. And the quicker you can dial that back in and say, okay, how do I fix this? And one of the first things I'll do is say, if I leave this and I share this with everybody to write this down. If there's the one thing this might be, it is write down, if I leave this alone, if I don't fix this, where will my life be in five years?

That's really good.

And it's one of the first things I do, because if I lean into it, if I give into it, you know how that'll feel in a year or five years from now? So that all of a sudden makes me go, no, no, no, I'm not going to let it go there. And the next thing we got to do is figure out what capabilities do we have to gain to try to fix that. And then once you start gaining the capabilities, I think that's about time where you go, I know this sounds irrational, but I'm going to write down my compelling future In a year from now, this is where I'm going to be. And that. You need that. Because when you're in the crap, you need the spot where you can. Like, you're in the pool, like, underwater, trying to fix stuff, coming up for breath. Every time you come up for breath, you got to look over to the compelling future and go, I know this sucks right now.

Yeah.

But this is. This is battle hardening me. This has given me the skills to get where I want to go. I'm not there yet. But you've got to stare on it. Because there's, like, two places we can look, right, Natalie. We can look at our compelling future or we can look at all the crap that's gonna go wrong.

Yeah. And I can. I'll say from listening to so much with you, I will say you operate. It's very evident, listening to you. You operate from. Things will work out for me. And I think a big difference. A lot of people operate from literally, like, just the problem, but you operate. You see the problem, but you're like, but things will work out for me. And operating from that is very different from things won't work out for me. And I'm stuck in the problem.

Yeah. And I just want you to know, like, my brain still wants to default on what could go wrong. It does. It's like, I feel like we're hardwired that way. Maybe not everybody is, but I am. I have to say no. If I focus on that, that's what I get. And I must focus on where it's going to go. But believe me, I want my brain, still, at 51 years old, wants to drag me back into. No, no, no, Dean. You chewed off. You bit off more than you could chew. This time. You're going to collapse everything. You're going to let everybody down. You're going to be a failure. Like, my brain. I have to, like, choke that part of me and be like, shut up. You never have won. You're not gonna win. If I listen to you, I'll be screwed. I'm gonna listen to the compelling future voice. And eventually, whether that's two days or four days or two weeks, eventually, the compelling future voice gets all my attention. And that's when you start getting liftoff. That's when you start making moves.

Have you read that book? I just finished reading it. The Surrender Experiment.

Oh, yeah. It's a great book.

Yeah. But, I mean, that's an extreme level. But for anyone listening that hasn't read that book, it's incredible. He goes to this whole extre of what if he never listens to the voice in his head? Like if he never listens to that and he just lets the world and things come as may and the incredible success that comes from that. It's reminding me a little bit of that. Just like you notice the voice, but you just don't pay attention to it.

Yeah. And here's the thing, and I'll even share this on a personal note, one of the biggest and scariest moments of my life. If I start this by saying, whatever you're going through right now, I would bet to say your next level of life lives on the thing that you are avoiding or fear the most. Because sometimes fear is a big boulder in the middle of the road, Right, Natalie? It's like I'm trying to get down the road. Here's a five ton boulder. That's your obstacle, that's your fear. And you go, all right, I'm going to turn around and maybe I'll come back later. Right. But sometimes it's not, sometimes it's this subtle little thing you're afraid of. You're afraid of letting down your family. You're afraid of looking like a fool. You're afraid of public speaking. You're afraid of doing your first video. You're afraid to tell the world what your real feelings are. Like sometimes it's subtle and you keep it inside, but it's just as a. It's just as big as a boulder, as the big rock in the road. It just. You keep it hidden. Right. And I would love for you to think about how you can identify that. And I'm gonna, I'll share something personal. In my past relationship, my ex and I knew that our relationship was over for a long time. We had lived in different bedrooms, we got along as friends, we co parented. Amazing. But since both of us came from divorce, we were really both afraid to screw the kids up. Our parents screwed up royally on how they handled the divorce. And we're like, oh, pain. And both of us would think of all the things that could go wrong with our amazing children and we would just stay. We just stay. And I'm not kidding. I'm just being completely transparent. I woke up for probably five years every day thinking, how am I going to end this and my kids be okay? And I'm not an advocate of divorce in any way, so please don't take that. But what I realized was this. I was. I got really good at in business and I couldn't handle it in this really Painful side, because my kids are my life, right? It's like. And this analogy I've shared before, but I want to show it's like my ship. Like, let's just, let's use the analogy of a ship in a bay and my life. What I'd say to myself to justify it was, man, why am I so greedy that I want love in my life too? I have. I was broken and broke and I became successful. I have two thriving children. I have an amazing team around me. I get to impact the world. I get to write books and speak on stages. Oh, you want love too? That's greedy. That's selfish. That's what I was telling myself. So I created this analogy in my head. Like, I have this ship and I got a pretty nice ship and I'm in the bay and there's other ships in the bay and they're all pretty nice. And I don't know what my future could be for my kids or myself if I end this relationship. But I know it's on the other side of a damn storm, a hurricane. So I can look out from the bay and see this hurricane with 30 foot waves. And for five years I went, and sometimes I put my foot into the storm and the boat would rock and I turn around and go back to the bay. And then I took my own damn advice and I realized that my next level, my kids, next level, my ex wife's next level, lived on the other side of that damn storm. And I had to face the storm. And I had anxiety to stay in the bay and I had anxiety if I was going to go in the storm, so I might as well go for the storm. And I drove my ship into it. And honestly, it was one of the toughest times of my entire life. Now I'm not exaggerating, I have empathy for people with anxiety. I used to think I knew what anxiety was until I had actual anxiety and anxiety attacks and panic attacks. And I moved out and I woke up one morning and my kids, my daughter's shoes were there, but she wasn't. And the house was squirrel quiet and I went into a full blown panic attack and I'm like. It was like my ship was in the storm and I was thinking about all the things that could go wrong. And my kids, they had great. My kids are just good human beings and like, would they go off and would my ex say bad things about me and would I not be able to see him? And I wouldn't have the freedom to go to softball and baseball and all These crazy things. And then to get rid of the anxiety, I was doing yoga and meditation and going see my buddy Tony Robbins and my buddy Daniel. Amen. And I had a therapist, and I was doing all these things and trying to meditate in the morning. I'm doing all this crazy stuff, trying to figure this shit out. But I was in the storm. And there were so many times I want to turn the ship around and go, I'm going to go back to the bed. I just needed to be quiet again because I can't handle this anymore, which.

Is what most people do, right?

And the fortunate part, the reason I want to be a voice for people, it's why I wrote my newest book, Underdog Advantage. The reason I'm doing all these things is because I had a voice helping me. My dear friend Tony Robbins said, listen, you're already in the shit of it. The only way to your other side is you got to keep going through the storm, brother. You got to keep going. And I had a dear friend I talked to every week on the phone. She does the same. You got to keep going. And it wasn't like, keep going to hurt my ex. It was keep going to help all of us. And then I started finally thinking clearly. I started to think, what would my life be if I stay in this relationship in 5, 10, 20 years? What will my kids see as an example? That their parents live in separate bedrooms and don't hold hands and have never kissed in front of them? Like, I started thinking of that. Then I started gaining new capabilities, and I started thinking straight, like, what is. What is one thing that can help solve a big problem. I realized all these things I worried about if I could be friends with my ex. All those fears go away. So I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'm going to put all my energy and being friends with my ex and letting her know I care and know that I screwed up in the past. I know that she screwed up, but who cares? Our kids deserve us to be friends and be a mutual parent. And all of a sudden, literally, from all this chaos, there was one day my ship came out on the other side of the storm.

That's brilliant.

And I was in this new world, and I wrote down. I got goosebumps right now, but I wrote down who I wanted track in my. I wanted to attract in my life. I wrote down what I wanted a girl to look like, who the man I wanted to be. I just didn't want to say I want the perfect woman. I needed to be A perfect. A better man to attract the perfect person. And I worked on those skills. And simultaneously, I wanted someone that was hustler and great and loved kids and would accept my children as hers. I made a list that almost seemed impossible. And then I made a list of what was unacceptable. Someone that would come in and treat my kids like stepchildren. Someone that would, you know, try to separate us. Someone. I made this list, and because I was on the other side of this, I attracted my wife, who, you know Lisa. She's the love of my life. We're three years together. I don't like going two hours without talking to her, without seeing her. We. We are dearest friends. We have intimacy. We have passion. She loves my babies as if they were hers. My kids love her. My ex is our friend. We don't have any craziness. Like that was all this crazy dream. Listen, I told so many friends. Now, I'm sorry to go out on the personal road, but I told so many friends that give me a year. When I finally got my head straight and my ship was on the other side of the storm and my divorce, I told friends. I'm telling you, in a year, we'll all be friends. My kids are going to be thriving. Not gonna have to worry about money. I'm not gonna worry about a crazy divorce. There's not gonna be any annoying attorneys taking all our money. We're gonna do this with a mediator. Like, I laid all this stuff out. You know what most of my friends said? Oh, that sounds amazing, Dean. Good luck with that. You don't understand. Look at all the money you made in the last couple years. You're screwed, and your kids are gonna hate you. Wait until your ex gets a new boyfriend and her boyfriend's taking your son to the baseball game. You want to throw up in your mouth? Everything they said. Everything they said was wrong. Everything.

That's amazing. You know, it's. I listening to you. What's interesting is I went through a divorce, too. I'm remarried now. Similar story. But I divorced when my daughter was a baby. And the same thing. Everyone telling us that that was gonna be a mess. And I decided, as you did, that I was gonna be friends with him. I was gonna be friends with whoever he's with, and. Same thing. We created that. But it started with a decision.

Yeah, it started with a decision. And it started with what I shared with that compelling future to face your fear. I literally wrote down. When I said I wanted to attract the right person, I wrote down someone that's going to be okay and confident enough to know that I'm friends with my ex. That's not an easy task. Some women, some men are like, no, no, no. Your ex, dude, no, I don't want him in our life. I don't have the kids. Go meet him out the end of the driveway. And I just. I just. That's all I focused on. And you know what? I had a good reason. My kids deserve that. That's as simple as that. So when it was tough, when I wanted to bite my lip, when my ex frustrated me, I bite my lip and say, my kids deserve this. I'm gonna do whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Had that compelling future, and I focused on it. It's the same thing in business, the same thing in life. And at the end of the day, you go against the norm as an entrepreneur. You feel lonely a lot of times because your thoughts are different than everybody else. There'll be a lot of critics in your life, but remember, there's no statues built of critics. And at the end of the day, those that can find that compelling future and focus on it, you find your full potential. You find your next level. And of all the stress I went through in my life and all the worries, not any different than yours. But here's what I know. Worth it 100% to be in control of my life, control of my time, and do the thing that lights me up on a daily basis.

That's so awesome. I have a question. When you're going through this stuff, when the stuff is hitting the fan and it's a mess, how much do you share publicly while you're walking through that, versus, like, keeping that separate and then sharing later? Because you're great about sharing your journeys later. I noticed. But when you're on the other side, I'm wondering how much you share when you're actually going through it, like, publicly.

Really great question. Now that you say it. I usually share the things I'm going through in a tough way after I'm done going through it. Like my divorce and going through all that. I didn't share it publicly until the divorce started. I didn't share a lot of it until after the divorce was final. And then I shared the pain I went through. And I was completely transparent. But I didn't share when I was in it. I probably do that because I really want to think through it and give good advice. Right? Like, I want. I don't want to just share, hey, I'm in a lull. I'M going through a divorce. I want to be able to say, I went through a divorce. I know what you feel like, but here's what I did to come out so I can. I don't want to leave them with a cut. I want to leave them with a healed scab that Neosporin cleared up. Like, I. I want to. It's a really great question. I want to leave them at the end.

But it also sounds like you still talk to friends about it. Like, you still. You weren't hiding it. You were still hiding counsel and. But you didn't. And I want people to hear that because I see a lot of people doing this really backwards. Like, they go to their audience or they go to their customers with what is happening, and it's. It just. It feels like a tornado.

Yeah. And the other thing, too, is don't. You got to be careful. The most costly advice in the world, everyone, is bad advice. Don't ask your single friend how you should save your marriage. Don't ask your broke friend how to get rich. Like, I know that sounds like a silly analogy, but it's true. We go out to dinner and we ask advice from people. You already know what they're going to tell you based on their theory. If you want to know how to fix your relationship, go find someone who had a bad relationship and fixed it. Now they're thriving and they're in love. If you want to know how to end a relationship that isn't working, go find somebody who ended a relationship and did it elegantly and classy. You want to know how to make sure your kids are okay? Find someone who divorced and your kids are thriving. You want to know how to fix your business? Find someone who went through it. Like, learn from those who've already been there. And stop taking advice from people who are unqualified, because it only screws you up. When I was going through this, I shared it with a lot of people, but I only shared it with people I know had the capabilities or had already gone through the journey and they were on the other side of it.

This is brilliant. I love all this, and I hope everyone's. I know everyone's loving this one. I do have a question. This is something I've asked everyone. I'm so curious. Your perspective. If somebody is listening to this right now and they're in their breakdown, that this is. It's their rock bottom, whatever that is, that massive failure, and they're stuck in their heads around that from the outside, knowing you've lived through that. If you were to give them advice on, like, what they should do, what steps they should take right now to start shifting out of that, what would you tell them?

I think the first thing I'd say is what's killing you more than anything is the thought process you have. It's the story you're currently telling yourself. And now I know that's easier said than done, but here's the best way to look at it. If you keep telling yourself that story that I lost it all, I screwed up, there's no way out of. If you say that that story will be the same story in five years. And how will that feel in five years if you're still saying that same story and still have the same feeling, that knot in your stomach or that the feeling of despair or the feeling of loneliness and the feeling of sadness, the only thing that can keep you stuck in that for five years, even 10 years, even 20 years, is the story you're telling yourself, why it's happening or why it did happen. And I know this sounds really simple, but find a way to change that story. It won't change overnight. Instead of saying, this happened to me and this is going to happen, find the as Wayne Dyer love said, the I am. I am going to accomplish this. I am going to create a relationship with my ex. I am going to make sure my kids thrive. I am going to attract this woman that will accept my family, accept my past, accept my children. I am going to be a person of values. I am going to be a person who grows. Like when you start doing like Wayne Dar says, the I am and it's faced forward eventually, it might not be today, but tomorrow, next week, in a month, you'll go, wow, I am going to do this rather than saying I am going broke or I am going through another divorce or I am going to screw up my kids. Whatever road you want to take, I promise you that's where it will lead you.

So good, so good. Where can you tell us about the Tony Robbins thing you're doing? Because I know you're doing. It's funny because he was your mentor initially. You were. You learned from him. He introduced, you know, so many people you were thriving with. And now you're friends with him and you're. Which is like anyone listening's dream. They're like, how do you become friends with him? Tell how did you become friends with him? 1 and then what is it that you're doing with him now?

So I became friends because we had a mutual friend introduce us. We Had a half hour meeting and we just hit it off. We end up spending three, four hours together. And I think that was about a decade ago. And now we talk three times a week. I'm actually flying two days from now down to spend two days with him. Florida.

Funny story. Really quick, Dean. I was at his stepson's wedding years ago and I had no idea who Tony Robbins was at the time. And I was literally sitting, standing, talking to him for probably an hour. I had no idea that's who it was. I look back now, I'm like, that's interesting.

Oh, that's. What a small world. Yeah. So we ended up being great friends and for 10 years we've been talking about doing a project together and usually we're just like, ah, let's just keep our relationship friendly. Right? But both of us are so passionate about self education, about learning from other people. Because if you think both of us, he didn't go past high school and he didn't have any options. He found Jim Rohn and Jim Rohn introduced them to a whole world and he became Tony Robbins through self education, learning from others. Tony was my Jim Rohn, right? He introduced me to personal growth. And then I met all these other people and both of us in that space, and now we're both at a place in our lives where we want to make self education the new norm. We want people who feel hopeless to realize if it wasn't college or you don't want to go to college, there's so many other paths to learn from people who've already done it. So we created a program and a blueprint to help people extract what they're good at and become teachers to impact the world. To enter the knowledge industry, if you're an accountant for 10 years, there's new accountants that need what you know or else they're going to fail. They're going to struggle. You could take a weekend and share it with them. It doesn't matter if it's marriage, if it's parenting, if it's sales, if it's, if it's marketing, if it's accounting, if it's hairstyles. Like, we want to make people with knowledge in their head feel obligated to go through a process we created extract it and teach it and join the knowledge industry, which is, you know, Fortune. Forbes magazine said it's heading towards a billion dollars a day in revenue. It's one of the fastest growing industries and it's brilliant. We want the whole world in it. We want the whole world in it.

Everybody has those gifts, everybody has that knowledge. Everyone, they're trying to fit it into someone else's box. But you're right, everybody's got that.

So that's our, that's our mission is to make everybody realize, wow, I know a few things and I can help other people. I can impact their lives and heck, I could get paid to do it.

Can anybody join this?

Anybody can. Yeah.

That's amazing. And okay, now tell me about your new book that's hitting, that's coming out.

Yeah, yeah. Underdog Advantage. So I'm totally stoked. It's, I think December 4th is the date.

Can people pre order it now?

Yeah, they can go. By the time you release this, they can go to deansbook.com that's where you can get early access. And in fact, we do something really cool. We got a great promotion going on there. We got the hardcovers, we paid for them. If people just cover the shipping and handling, you can get amazing, you can get this book. But let me just tell you about this book, why I'm so excited. My last book, Millionaire Success Habits, one of the best selling books the last couple of years. I did that book because I knew I had to help people and go upstream. I love these silly little analogies because so many people want the tactics like how do I make the money today? How do I fix the relationship today? How do I go faster, further, quicker today? And they want like the selling $20 bills for 10 bucks business. But if they don't have the right habits, it doesn't matter. You and I both know a million people that could do anything they want, but they don't because their habits are off or their personal growth or development is off. So I wanted to go upstream and I wrote Millionaire Success Habits. I went back through my whole life and I learned all I identified all the habits I created or found or discovered or robbed from other people that led me to being blessed to be successful in a lot of different industries. And the book went on and made a massive impact. I love that book. But I wanted to go upstream even further because even the other day, like I said, I was on stage at Rise business, 6,000 women, probably a thousand men in the audience. And I said, who in here at one point in their life has felt, I think I shared this before, has felt like an underdog or feels like an underdog right now, and everybody feels like an underdog. So what happens is so many people because they don't have support from their family or don't have money or they made bad decisions in their life, or they live in the wrong area, or they don't have the support, or they're not smart enough, or they're dyslexic, or they don't have a college degree. Those disadvantages become your anchor and it gives your subconscious a reason to say, well, we could make it. If someone would partner with us and give us money, we could take this invention and put it through the roof if, if, if. And we keep looking at those ifs. And I watch People waste 30, 40, 50 years with that. But the most successful people in the world, and I geeked out and studied, so many of them were underdogs, quintessential underdogs, with everything possibly that could go wrong in their life. And what they did is turn those underdog disadvantages into their advantage. They took disadvantages and made it fake fuel. And they flew by. The so called advantage people, the people who had resources and capabilities at their fingertips. Underdogs always outperform and always beat them. You just need to know how to shift disadvantages into your advantages. And I really geeked out and I created a process on how everyone watching, if you feel like an underdog, this becomes the bible of turning them into unfair advantages. I did. So the chapters are, some of them are like, underdogs have nothing to lose. When you have privilege, everybody's watching. When you're broke or nobody's watching, man, you can do stuff. And there's a power in that. And another one's called the power of you can't. Okay, it's like, how many times have you tried something new when you were going to start a podcast? I guarantee people were like, oh, podcast, you know, many are out there. Yeah, yeah, everyone's. What's going to make you different? How are you going to get interviews? Why would people say yes to you? Right?

Yeah, there's everything I've done in life that's happened.

Right. But here's the thing. You're different. You found a way to transmutate that into power, even if you don't realize it. But most of the world doesn't, as simple as that sounds. Now, some people, when your family goes, you try a podcast, there's, there's 4 million podcasts. You go, wait, yeah, you know, maybe I'll try next year. And boom, that's gone where other people know how to. And this is why teaching other people know how to go, oh, really, I can't. I'll be in the top hundred podcasts within a year. Okay, See ya. Bye. But what's the difference? Some people are born with it, maybe a half a 1%, but it could be learned. So I just, I went and identified the top seven underdog advantages that you might think is a disadvantage. Like you have, you have rocket fuel in your toolbox and you're ignoring it. You're thinking it's an anchor when it's actually rocket fuel. And this book unlocks it and shows you how to turn your disadvantages into your.

Oh, I can't wait to see that.

And for me, I feel like it's like tactics, habits above habits is knowing how to turn your disadvantages into the thing that makes you the person you know, strive to become.

One more thing I want to ask you about because habits are. I want to, I want to ask you about habits right now. And I know you've got the book Millionaire Success Habits and his podcast, by the way. You all is like so on point with this, but I'd be willing to bet, but tell me if I'm wrong that you don't spend your time watching reality TV or just scrolling Facebook and Instagram. I have a feeling that when you're. Yeah, can you talk a little bit about that? Because I think that makes such a big difference and I want people to really hear this. Like, how do you spend your time? Like what, what is your free time? Like what. How are you, what information are you taking in daily?

Yeah, so I listen to probably an hour a day of a book every day and I do that while I exercise in the morning. And I'll switch between personal development books like I did Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer, like the Power of Now, basically the power of intention, the power of living in the moment. And then I might geek out on Wayne Dyer. But then I'll shift and I'll do two marketing books and then I'll read Principles by Joe Dalia and. But I'm always. And then I did a 42 hour book audio on George Washington's life. It was research for. Because he was the quintessential underdog. His entire life was an underdog and he used all of this as his power. So I will work, I will absorb personal growth at least an hour a day or. And I find personal growth in a biography of George Washington or a biography of Thomas Jefferson or Shoe Dog by the creator of Nike. So those are part of my life. I will choose those over anything else. Even over music now. Yeah, I try to create and surround myself with people that have the same goals as I Do same, listen to the same things. Want to go to another level. I've really. You probably done the same thing. As success gets greater, my circle's gotten smaller. Not because I'm. I feel like I'm better than anyone else. I just. Life is so short, and I want people who can give a good advice or be aspirational and not question everything I do. And I probably say no to a lot of things. I probably avoid some old friends and some old family members that, you know, I wish them well and want to help them, but I'm not going to allow them to try to bring me down to their level because they want me to dim my glow to match them. So I want to be around people who want me to be bright and shine bright, because when you shine bright, you light up the people around you. So. Yeah. And for me, I know it's important in my spare time. It's with my wife and my kids and coming up with the next book. I'm so passionate about this book. People are gonna go.

It's amazing. Everyone's gotta check that. I can't wait to order that. By the way, on your podcast. One thing he did, it's fascinating, is he recorded a series where he's talking to his kids, and he decided to air it on his podcast. It's incredible. You all. It's. It's so. It's.

I wasn't gonna play that. My team, legit. I'm recording those for my kids. My team's like. Like, you gotta play those.

They're amazing. I've learned, so. And they're short. It's like they're like short little bursts of. Wow, that's so good.

Yeah. I'm hoping to record, like, 300 of them before I, like, forever. And, like, when my kids are at certain ages, they can go back and say. And they're, like, categorized. It's like, I'm going through a breakup or I want to start a business, or how do I sell, or how do I deal with a bully? And they'll have, like, a library from their dad. Especially because I'm 51, having. And my wife wants to have three more babies. So you need to categorize something.

Yeah.

You're not going to be here forever.

So I can't keep saying one more thing. But then I keep getting another idea. This really is one more thing. And last thing. Imperfect action. Something that also. I don't even know if you realize you do this, but you're a master at taking imperfect action. Like, just, like, when I'm listening to your podcast. You know, sometimes you pull it from a Facebook Live, so you're talking to that audience or you're talking to your kids and you don't care. You're just getting the information out there. And I think that speaks volumes about you that you're.

You don't.

You're not trying to make things perfect. You're getting the information out and that's. So can you talk a little about that?

No. Here's what I know is I never remember people's names. I hardly ever remember what they do for a living, but I always remember the way people make me feel. I don't know if they used articulate words. I don't know if they had the perfect vocabulary. I don't know anything. I just know the way they make me feel. And I have to go by that because I don't have a great vocabulary. I don't articulate very well. I just know when I do something that I think can change someone's life. I don't care if I look bad, I don't care if I stuttered. I don't care if I use the wrong word. I just want to get powerful information out there. And I think that's what so many of us do wrong. So many of us will over analyze and wait till we're good on camera, wait till everything's perfect. And you want to know how it works, is jump out of the plane and grow wings on the way down. And that's how life has worked for me is like learn on the job. You want to score a touchdown, you have to be in the game. You might fumble, you might stumble, you might look stupid for a little while, but stay in the game long enough, you score a touchdown. It's way better than being in the stands wearing someone else's name on the back of your jersey. So I would encourage everyone. The world just wants the most authentic version of you. And no matter what that is, there's people that want exactly that.

Thank you so much, Dean. I will link up everything in the show, notes for everyone. I want everyone to grab his book, subscribe to his podcast, check out this program he's doing with Tony Robbins. Thank you so much for being here today, Dean.

Oh, you're the best. Thanks.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that. Subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a 5 star review I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable and content. Come interact with me over on Instagram at nataliejillfit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.