152: How to Heal Our Trauma with Gabby Bernstein

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet? Or we've had a big setback. On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst, learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. When Gabby Bernstein was just 21 years old, she was the ultimate party girl. At the young age of 25, she found herself in the midst of addiction and was even using cocaine. When she hit her rock bottom one night, she believed that God intervened. She heard a higher power telling her that if she would just get sober, her, her whole life would change. Gabby listened. Today, Gabby Bernstein is a number one New York Times bestselling author, has written seven bestsellers, including her most recent one, Super Attractor. She's been featured on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday as a next generation thought leader, and the New York Times has named her a new role model. She appears regularly as an expert on the Dr. Oz show and so much more. But how did Gabby become so recognized so fast? How does she become such an empowering thought leader? How has life continued to happen for her instead of to her? And why? And how did she become so relatable to so many? Join in today for a candid conversation with Gabby and learn exactly how Gabby Bernstein continually levels up and creates everything from nothing. Gabby, I'm so excited to dive in and talk with you today. I've never actually heard your story of, like, how you even got so well known. Like, you go into a bookstore, you see your books everywhere, you mention your name, people know who you are. You turn on a tv, you're there, you've got this huge social presence. You're everywhere and you're so good at what you do. But I want to know, like, who were you before all of that?

I was very different, sister.

It's hard to believe. So take me back.

I guess I wasn't different. I was just struggling. Right? So I was 21 when I started my first business. And that was a business that ran at a PR company called Sparkbug pr. Okay, I started with a friend, my business partner at the time. Sparkbug PR represented nightclubs and restaurants in New York City. So, you know, you can do the math. I was, I was out. All of my self worth was based on the outside pretenses of the world. I had a real serious addiction to being seen, an addiction to relationships, addiction to food, addiction to ultimately drugs and alcohol. The drug addiction really took me down. So by the time I was 25, I was severely addicted to cocaine. I was hitting such a huge bottom trying to get clean, but didn't know.

How did you know, Gabby, when you were doing this, like, did you. Was this just part of, like the party scene? Did you think like everyone was doing this or did you know there was a problem?

I literally thought everyone was doing it because when that's, you know, whatever you're around, you think everyone does, right? So I thought everyone was doing it. But I knew eventually I knew it was a problem when I started to become mean and, and I would start to see myself get mad at my brother for stupid things or yell at, yell at a waitress in a restaurant. Like, I'm the nicest person. I so kind to all people. And I wasn't anymore. I was never. I couldn't show up for anything. I was. And the thing is, is that I was still successful in my career, so functioning addict, that. And it looked good on the outside. I could show up at noon to work because it was my business.

So you're in this business like PR and nightclubs and you're already like in the party scene. So I would imagine that felt so acceptable there. So I would assume that, like, you're knowing something's wrong. What was happening with friends and people you're working with, did they see something was wrong or were they encouraging in the opposite way?

Oh, yeah, Everyone saw that things were wrong, but no one was intervening really in my situation. God intervened. Okay, was on October 2nd of 2005. I was on the floor of my studio apartment. I would hear the garbage cans just clanking outside my window and I hear people going to work. It was probably 6am and I was still awake from the night before, hearing people walking to work. And I just wasn't going anywhere. I was stuck and I was addicted. And I was on the floor and sick, unwell. I sat there on the floor and I looked over at my bed and I saw this stack of self help books next to my bed. I saw Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Miracles. And I just kept thinking, that's what I want, but that's not where I am. And then I said a prayer without realizing it. I wasn't into prayer at the time, but I said, God, universe, whatever's out there, who's ever out there, I need a miracle. And then I heard this very authoritative inner voice Say to me, get clean and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Well, I just got chills. That's crazy.

And I got sober that day. I went to a 12 step meeting. I got clean that day and I've been sober 14 years now. That was really the catalyst for my career and my life ultimately.

So what made you listen right then? Like, had you ever. Were you strong on your intuition before? Had you heard that kind of voice or sign before? Like, or was this something new? And it didn't. That. That would almost freak some people out. I would imagine.

My whole life I've had a connection to spirit. I've always been able to feel a presence of spiritual connection, see, see, see things visually. And when I was using drugs, I was really cutting off that connection. But it doesn't mean that I didn't believe in it. Like I. Like I said, I had that sack of self help books and I was a humongous seeker. I was deeply seeking. And a lot of people that find my work now are in that place where they're seeking, but not in alignment with that message. And then thankfully they find the work that I've been doing and I can guide them to go deeper and surrender more. So that's what happened. Ultimately, I got sober. And getting sober, Natalie, was the catalyst for everything that I've created in my life. That, that, that voice I heard that day, get clean and you will have a life beyond your wildest dreams. Is indeed true. I have a life way beyond my wildest dreams.

Oh my gosh. I have so many questions right now. Like, for starters, do you think everybody could tap into that voice for their or their higher self?

Yes, yes, that's. I've written seven books about how to tap into that voice because is available to everyone.

And did you, when you had that, like, get sober and everything will change, were you scared at all? Were you just trusting the process? And where did you even start to get sober? Because I know there's people listening right now that are dealing with addiction and not wanting to face it. Like, where did you start with that?

In 12 step recovery, we're not supposed to say in the media that we're in 12 step recovery because the point is very, very wise, which is that God forbid I went out, it would make it look like the 12 steps didn't work. But I've already. So let's just Hope everyone in AA will forgive me. But 12 steps saved my life. Wow. There's a free meeting for everyone in every city of the world. It's available. Listen, I'm not supposed to promote it, so I'll stop there.

Yeah, but that's where you went. That's where you went.

I got myself to a meeting.

Yeah. So how. I'm curious about this and maybe this is an answer within doing that or whatever it is, but I would imagine that people that are turning to addiction, especially drugs, they're doing it to feel better, like they're it to find love or to feel, to feel something. How do you replace that when you, when you get rid of that?

Well, listen, I think that people have, I think addiction people are addicted. I think everyone's addicted to something to work or addicted to sex, or addicted to fear or addicted to worry or addicted to control. Everyone's addicted in some form. Addiction stems from a root cause condition. Typically can be a traumatic event or someone making you feel that you are unworthy or making you feel out of control. So we have these emotional disturbances that we don't want to feel. We want to anesthetize that deep rooted feeling because it's too painful to feel it. And so instead we try to numb it out, control it and anesthetize it by using drugs, drinking alcohol, having sex, overworking and even over worrying or trying to control too much or having too much fear, whatever it may be, smoking, whatever the addiction may be, it's a way of numbing out and avoiding that root cause condition.

Yeah. And I find especially dealing with, I deal with so many women in their 40s, 50s and beyond and it's like they've been doing this for years, this numbing out and trying to control. And I'm seeing, and I'm wondering if on your end you've seen that where it just starts manifesting in other, other problems like health, other things start happening.

Hell yes. I mean I got sober, but I was sober for eight, ten years. Nine years. And then after my, around my nine year anniversary, I remembered, I kind of recalled some traumatic memories from my past that reminded me, that spun me into understanding why I needed to control so much. Right. So cause condition and the controlling behavior was probably more detrimental to me physically than the drugs I caused. Gut conditions, tmj, full misalignment in my body. And I'm so happy to say I'm not in that space anymore and I can help you get out.

It's funny, Gabby, I have the word surrender tattooed on my arm because it's the opposite of control. But I can't honestly say that I've mastered it, can you? I know that there's people listening that struggling with this. What can you help us with that? Like how did you get figure that out and get past that because it's a big problem with so many.

Here's the answer. The number one answer is a tremendous amount of faith and therapy. Straight up therapy. Being brave enough to go to the places that scare me. Having the willingness to invest financially and time wise and emotionally in healing past wounds because it's the past emotional disturbances that have kicked up the need to control. The need to control is a way of trying to feel safe in an unsafe presence. So when we've had those past experiences and you and I have talked about this, we've had those past experiences, they create such a disturbance energetically that our nervous system is constantly in fight or flight. What we need to do to rearrange and unwind that traumatized nervous system and that activated nervous system is to heal that energetic disturbance. Heal with whatever. Maybe talk therapy, EMDR therapy, meditation, pft. There's so many pathways. It's only then that we can begin to release the control because the control will be there as long as there's a painful disturbance that we believe needs to be controlled.

So you have to go back and figure out what that disturbance is and address that versus like I think what most people do is they do go to the numbing out because it feels good. Like I'll take a Xanax or I'll have a glass of wine or I'll do whatever to not deal with.

Exactly. I think that it's very, very brave to go back to deal with those experiences that scare you. Of course you can have yoga and you can have meditation and you can have spiritual practices and they are all going to be greatly elevating for you. But my prayer is that those practices are a door opener for you, that they crack you open to the possibility that there could be deeper healing. I don't think that the personal growth work stops when you've read Spirit Junkie or Super Attractor. I think it begins there.

So you get the awareness from it.

All of my books are about cracking people open to that presence of awareness that there's the possibility for greater strength, greater healing, greater development. When we open up to have a relationship with the higher power of our own understanding, that's when we begin to be guided to the therapist that we need or the next book that will heal us or that video or that podcast that will take.

Do you think it matters, Gabby, what people look at as their higher power? Like, if it's a Specific religion or the universe or however they view it. Does that matter, do you think?

No, not at all. I'm quoted all over the place saying, I don't care what you call it. All I care about is that you call upon it. So call it God, call it universe, call it angel, call it grandma, call it inner guidance system, call it inner voice, call it intuition, spirit, whatever you want. Doesn't matter.

Yeah. So when you. Because you've taken on a lot, you've done a lot of work on yourself in addition to helping so many other people. Did. Was it. Was it staged? Like, how did you figure out I needed to do all this? Like, you start with. With one stop, you know, to start with the addiction. But how did you know? Like, I've got to go back and look at what's causing this. Like, what. How did you figure that out?

I didn't figure anything out. I gave it over to my higher power of my own understanding and just took. Took direction internally. So let myself. I surrender every day, every single day still, and just say, show me what I need to re. What revealed to me what I need to do to heal more. Thank you for revealing to me what I need to heal more. And then I'm continuously guided and intuitively guided to the next right action on my healing path. So remembering my trauma led me into trauma healing, which has then led me into even deeper healing. And there's many moments in life that are difficult, very big struggles, but I've chosen to see those struggles as opportunities to grow more and heal more.

Yeah.

You know, recently I had. I'm six months into recovering from postpartum depression and anxiety. And while that was the scariest time of my life, it was the catalyst for the deepest healing I've ever had. And I've never felt more free than I do now.

Yeah.

So there's ways to perceive our discomfort. So.

Yeah, I read a post. It was either a post from you or I heard you on another podcast, and you were sharing about you wanting to get pregnant and how you were falling back into a control thing. And could you share that a little bit? Because it's really she. As I'm talking to her, she has a baby now, and she had a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby. But it was such an interesting. You being the expert on surrender and not controlling what you saw yourself going through trying to get pregnant.

Yeah, I actually have written and talked about this so much. It's such a huge, important message for anyone that's trying to control anything. Ultimately, I tried to conceive for three years. I conceived December 19th of 2018 and now we are right here, December, one year later, my baby celebrating his year birthday in a week. I really have to say that the steps begin first with really recognizing and identifying that you're trying to control and that you're in the way and turn over your plan to a plan of a higher power. So taking your hands off the wheel through prayer is what I say. You can say an intention, you can say a prayer, but just really saying, hey, my plan is not working, my controlling is not working. I surrender this to a higher power of my own understanding, really turning it over. Because some people listening may not have that relationship to a higher power. So it may be as simple as setting the intention to see it differently. Are setting the intention to listen to your intuition rather than listen to your fear. And beginning that intention setting starts to shift your energy. I talk about how we can begin to focus on what's thriving rather than focus on what isn't there. So when we're in a place where we really want something but we can't, we haven't received it yet, we are often in a state of forcing and controlling and trying to make it happen. And we're in a lack mentality. And lack attracts more lack. The quickest way out of that is to start to appreciate and focus on what's thriving in your life already. When I was trying to conceive and I was so upset that I wasn't comparing myself to everyone, I finally started to focus on what was working on the health of my body. I focused on my marriage. I focused on the fact that I was having a great time with my career. And I had a book out at the time. And I was focusing on the fact that I was feeling healthier at the time. I was 36, 37. I was healthier then than I was when I was in my twenties. Just really redirecting my energy over and over and over again. And that put me in such a point of attraction rather than a point of deflection. That's a major way to get back into what is working rather than what's.

Not working, I would imagine. It's so cool you're sharing about this because it makes you so human. You know, we're all human. But people think, oh, she's got this mastered. I would imagine that was a struggle. Like, here you are, the super attractor. You know how to attract. And here this one thing that you wanted so bad was not happening and you had a. You had to Step in and recognize your own control. Need coming back up?

Oh, hell, yes. Yes, yes, yes. I think that, first of all, telling the truth and being honest about my own experiences is probably the reason that people read my books and resonate with my work. The generous thing we can do is be authentic.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, speaking on that, did you. When you were first starting. Here you are you recovering from addiction. You realize there's a bigger life for you. When did you. Were you always sharing about addiction from the beginning? Was that something you hid for a while? How did you.

Actually was sort of. It was the catalyst for my speaking career and my coaching, because it was. I've always. For my entire career, I've taught what I know. I've taught where I am. So I was newly sober. I was really, really proud of that. I got up and started giving talks at the Sohouse in New York City and just charging, like $30 the door and picking up people, like, at the nail salon and in the gym. And I was at the time talking about what it meant to be a sober woman. I wasn't teaching people how to get sober. I was teaching people how to create a spiritual relationship. But at the time was sober recovery. As I've grown. And now I'm 40. And this was when I was 25. I'm 40 now. My story is much more than sober recovery, and the story continues to evolve. The irony is that I wrote my memoir at 28.

Yeah. A little early. That's funny. Did you. Do you think when you're addicted, when you are addicted to something, you can have an addictive personality? And the reason I'm bringing that up is I know when I had first met you, you had. I remember you telling me about how you were not having sugar at all. You had totally decided you had a sugar addiction and you weren't having sugar. And I'm just wondering, is there a connection? Do you feel that people that are addicted to things over and over again.

Yeah. Usually when we put down one thing, you'll pick up another. So that's why we have to. It can't just be about abstinence. It has to be about doing that deep inner healing work to really recover. Because abstinence isn't enough. Abstinence is excellent. I'm proud of anyone that can. Can have the. The willpower, but it's not the willpower that keeps us healed. It's the turning over that willpower to a higher power. Yeah, I. You know, I. When I first met you, I was severely. I was a major Workaholic. I hadn't uncovered why yet after I met you that I. I think it might have been the week that I met you that I remembered my trauma.

Yeah, I remember you telling me about that. You literally were telling about it at dinner. So it was, it was.

So that must have been like days or weeks. Yeah. Wow.

Why do you think that people tend to block out trauma? Is that our body? Is our body trying to protect us? Like, I think I hear this. It's a common thing when people start.

Brain protecting, not the body. So the body, the body, the brain says, look, our brains are very sophisticated. When we have a traumatic experience, the brain can dissociate and it's a form of staying safe. But the problem with that is that while you've dissociated in the moment, it's still in you. The trauma is still lodged in your memory. It's lodged in your physical energetic system, it's lodged in your nervous system. Imprinted memories, visuals will come up for you. Physical issues will arise because of the stagnation and the resistance in your body. And you will feel very debilitated in certain areas. You'll feel blocked, terrified, and you won't know why. So you might be walking around thinking, I'm so controlling, but I don't know why, or I'm so ocd, but I don't know why, or I have anxiety attacks and I don't know why. So this is what you want to get therapeutic support. You can. There's tremendous books out about trauma. Anything you read, any book by Peter Levine, he's probably the leader in the trauma world. But if you can, if you have the means to get support, therapeutic support, then go for it. If you don't. I'm actually working right now on creating a very, very beautiful website to get people sort of step by step, how to face an addiction, facing trauma, face memory, just. I'm investing all my own money and time and energy into this just to get something that's very step by step.

I think it's brilliant that you're doing that. I think that I get so many mess from people talking about that they want to uncover trauma. I have a guest on that have spoken into trauma, but no one's really given people a method like how do we start other than therapy. So I love that you're doing that because I think people, they're scared. They don't know how to figure it out or how to even go back to that to get it.

First things first, just start to speak to yourself with A very calm tone. And lovingly, lovingly calmly remind yourself that you are safe. Every day, remind yourself that you are in your adult body, you are safe, that you can pray for guidance. Thank you. Thank you, God, universe, whatever you believe in. For guiding me to the healer that will help me most. The highest truth. The healer of the highest truth. But in a on a regular basis, you can do some of the cognitive behavioral therapy, which is really talkback, right. So you can say things like, what's the worst case scenario? What's the best case scenario? What's the most likely case scenario? If you're feeling catastrophic, you can continue to remind yourself that I am safe, speaking kindly to myself, I'm good enough. And then get to that healing path as quickly as possible.

I have a big question for you, Gabby, and I think I do remember asking you this before, but I want to ask it again because I want to people to really to hear this. I think. And speaking from my own experience with myself, I know that it's very scary for people that are super successful or feel that there are ways of being controlling, working hard, working a lot, being fast paced. They think that that is what's made them successful and that works for them. And what could be scary is, whoa, if I go back and deal with what's creating that, will I not be successful then? Will I not be able to be as amazing as I am? What do you say to that?

I got a lot to say to that, love.

Okay. Yeah.

When you met me, I was in work addict mode. And part of that also was not letting a lot of people help me because typically when we're trying to control things, we don't receive right. As I've unwound, the trauma began to heal so deeply. What I'm most proud of in my life is my. Is how I have healed my wounds and how I continue to become more free in that freedom. Today, I have done, I do far less. I probably work like most days, two hours a day. And I have attracted so much more. I've had more successes in the last year, doing 50%, 60, 70% less than what I typically did, 70% less than what I used to do.

Incredible.

With an energy that's calm, relaxed, at peace, at ease. I pretty much wrote an entire book, Super Attractor, my new book. I do less and attract more and become that magnet. Ultimately, I've lived those practices, but the biggest thing is I've healed the energetic disturbance. That said, I had to be pushing to be successful, that I had to do it by myself for it to happen. That story has been healed and now I am in this very, very powerful place where I could do work from a place of serenity, calm. I still can do. Just like you can do more work in two hours than the most people can do in two weeks, which I can. And so that hasn't gone away. But it's not frantic, it's not. I'm not pushing, I'm not trying to force things to happen.

I love that. And I do believe you're the first one that taught me this. And I want you to know that I've made changes based on my conversations with you about that, where I really got struck. I use my controller to really put boundaries around my way work. But what it does is it creates where you only say yes to really priority, really fun things that will move your business forward that you enjoy versus just doing everything.

Yes, yes, yes.

And I know I learned that from you.

Yes.

Talk to me about stimulants because there's a lot of people listening that are into their coffee, their caffeine, their sugar, all of that. Do you feel there is a place for those things? Do you think that that ruins this calm focus, you know, being able to be at one with your higher self?

Everyone's different in how they respond to caffeine. I listen, I've been off sugar for seven years. That for me is a no, no, no. I don't eat gluten, I don't eat dairy. There's things I don't eat. They're not stimulants, of course, but sugar is.

Yeah, we bonded over this because I don't think we eat. We eat exactly the same.

You're like, I don't think we eat anything that's cool. But in any way. But I love coffee. I've had a love hate relationship with coffee. Now that I'm feeling more centered, my meditation practice is very strong. My physical practice of exercise is very strong. I can do a cup of coffee in the morning with some kind of fat in it with a butter or coconut or something so that it doesn't yank me out of myself. I also eat before I drink my coffee. So you just have to figure out, I don't think you have to deprive yourself of things, but you have to find the balance of what works for your nervous system. Yeah. If you are an overly anxious person and you're struggling with an anxiety disorder, then I would advise you not to drink caffeine. When I was going through postpartum anxiety, I didn't have caffeine for months because why was I going to overstimulate myself when I was activated? So you have to trust where you're at and do your part.

Okay, so I want to go back to, you are tremendously successful in the book space as a speaker. Just the credential list goes on and on. Now, I know when you had that turning point in that moment that, hey, if you get sober, your life is going to change and it's going to be incredible. Did you envision that all of this would happen? And how did you even start there? Like, how did you get that first book and talk us through that a little bit?

Well, I did envision this would happen because I saw my teachers, Deepak chopra, Marianne Williamson, Dr. Wayne Dyer, who have now become dear friends of mine. I saw their career trajectory and I knew that that was what I was meant to do. I also wasn't. No one had been doing it in my demographic, my age range. People were doing wellness things, yoga and wellness. No one was claiming that spiritual teacher space at a young age like that. And I knew it was my responsibility and I knew where I was going. So I was never surprised along the way when Oprah's people called to have me on two person. I said, I've been waiting for this call. Thanks. Knew, but I was patient. But also, things happened fast in my career because at the time I was moving with the speed of what was coming through me. I wrote my first book that's called Add More into youo Life. I wrote it when I was 27. I think it got published at 28, maybe 29. And that book, that book did well. So a year later I sold my next book. A year later, I sold my next book a year later. And I've sold seven. I've written seven books.

It's amazing. And they've all done amazing. So it's.

They're all beautiful books. They're life changing, incredible books. And I can say that because, you know, I think that we have to get into a place, ladies listening and men, particularly the ladies, where we can, where we can very fearlessly brag about our incredibleness, our magnificence. Because I think it's far too often that we play small. Like, oh, yeah, I just did that. No, no, no, I did that. I'm proud of that. What I'm most proud of is that these books are saving lives, serving souls, healing people.

Yeah.

Actually, the books aren't saving lives. People are saving their own lives. But they're following that guidance to do the work.

You have such an interesting way of teaching. And in your writings, though, where it really. I know the word authentic is so overused now, but really, that's the only way I can describe yours, that it just feels like you're talking to a friend. Like you. I feel like you get everybody. You get us when you read your books. And I haven't found that with other spiritual teachers before. It's very unique.

You know, I think that Recognize the Other Person is you. It's a sutra that Yogi Bhajan left us with. He's a Kundalini master. One of the sutras was Recognize the Other Person as you. I recognize that your suffering is my suffering. Then I also know that you will identify in mine. So if I tell the truth, if I tell you my successes and my failures, you will receive healing through that and vice versa. When I hear people like you talk about your experiences and your journey, it's very healing because it's true. So the best thing we can give people is the true story. I'm committed to that, deeply committed to that.

Do you still battle at all with ways of being that you don't want to be? Like, do you. Is there ever, like, do you ever. Are you ever snapping at your husband or snapping at your child or, like, flustered and think, okay, I got to go back to the work that I know, or is it just really in your blood right now?

It's really in my blood right now. I feel really, really strong in my spiritual condition and in my emotional condition. But I do see and feel the remnants of trauma that are literally moving through me. Like, I've been having this interesting experience which trauma therapists would call neuro. I think it's neurogenic tremors. I'm not sure I'm saying it correctly, but where I've been doing so much EMDR work, where I've literally been shaking the trauma out of my body. And that's something that is very interesting. You know, an animal will freeze right when they. When they think they're in danger, and when they know they're safe, they'll shake, and then they'll run off. And that's how trauma is meant to be processed. It's like, okay, you can freeze to be safe, and then you shake it out and move on. But we don't do that. Humans don't do that. So we freeze, and we stay frozen for 30, 40, 50, 60 years. So when you really start to heal, your enlarged experiences, the energy is so stagnant, and it begins to Almost like. Like, you know, when you use a pressure cooker. Yeah. It's not like you're gonna, like, do full release. It's like the slow release, and it starts to slowly move out of you. And so having these moments of just feeling like, you know, oh, my God, that's like a little, like, jerky moment where my heart starts to shift. And that, to me, is such a thrilling thing because it means that it's moving out. So while I don't feel I'm overly activated anymore or living from a place of being triggered. Yes. I can still get triggered by things. My reaction to the trigger is very different now. It's recognizing, oh, there's a trigger, rather than believing I'm in danger.

Yeah. I love that. I love that. It's so wild. I also want people. I have a lot of listeners that follow from my aging in reverse and my fat loss stuff that deal with pain. And I believe that pain a lot of times comes from these unresolved traumas. And what you're talking about, it's not moving.

Yeah. You know, I'm a student of. I've been reading and studying the work of Dr. Sarno, and he wrote. He wrote the book how to Heal Back Pain. He wrote the Mind, the Mind Body Prescription, which I highly recommend to all your listeners. And Sarno's work is all about how we have this psychosomatic condition, not a physical pain. And I talk about this a bit in my book Super Attractor as well, how when we. When we are energetically stuck in a pattern or symptom pattern, then the symptoms will be reflected in our physical being. So I don't say that I have a gut issue. I just say that I'm healing. I'm healing. A psychosomatic condition. Yeah, it's very powerful because it's important to see things in a different way.

Yeah, that's really wild. And you know what's interesting about that is I noticed if somebody has, like, an actual physical injury or something and they've been struggling with pain, and then they fix that, it's like all of a sudden, the pain might move someplace else if they haven't dealt with this.

That's exactly right. And Sarno writes a lot about that.

I've read all of his books.

Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah. So you know that what's happening is your brain is saying, I don't want to feel that. That's too scary. Your unconscious brain is, like, too scary. So then your brain then reflects that pain onto a physical body part, which Then your brain cuts off oxygen supply to that body part, so it actually will become inflamed and painful. So there is a physical thing happening, but it's all to protect that unconscious wound that doesn't want to be revealed. And he says that it's the impermissible range that we are not willing to experience is why we have physical pain.

Did you. How did you. You've gotten so well known with all of this. Is that ever feel scary as a big responsibility? Like, okay, gosh, I've got to I'm this all the time, or is that just feel natural to you? And maybe that sounds like a weird question, but I'm wondering, like, you go get your nails done, or you go this. Do you find that you're in this role all the time, or is it really just such a part of you now?

You know, it's funny. It's like, it's an interesting thing to be recognized, but not famous, right? So. So it's squirrely. Because I'm out in the world and I could be, like, screaming across the hall to my husband, and someone's like, oh, my God, are you Kathy Versailles? Oh, shit. Because you're not, like, you know, expecting that everybody knows who you are when you walk out the door, which is great. And I hope, you know, I prefer this to have, you know, people call to me at the airport and say, your book changed my life is much nicer than, like, paparazzi. Right. So I joke that I'm like, health food store famous, but the responsibility is less so about, like, you know, what happens in public, but much. But, yes, I want to be a positive citizen in the world. But more importantly, the responsibility I feel now is that when I get on podcasts like this or I get on stage and I start to speak about things that are real, and I talk about things that. The unspoken shame that people won't typically have the bravery to speak about, like. Like traumatic events or addiction or the memory of a recollection of something. These are things that people are so terrified of speaking about. It's so much easier to talk about cancer than it is to talk about mental illness. Right?

Yeah.

And I think that the responsibility I've been feeling lately, as I've been speaking a lot about mental illness when I had the postpartum depression, is this responsibility of this thing where as a speaker or the interviewee, you go first, you tell your story, and you go first, and then that you go, first moment activates somebody else and say, oh, my God, that could be me. And so that's why I want to invest in creating a website that's going to be a step by step for people to get on the healing path. Because I want to speak of the unspoken shame, because that's when we can release the stigmas. But I also know that it's activating people. So I feel this responsibility to have a safety net for them.

I love that you're doing that. It is really bizarre to me how much shame is around. I experience it my own self too. But that we really. That. Why are people so scared or so embarrassed or feeling so shameful to share or to dig into this? It's like I don't even know. I don't know that I fully understand why it's. It feels so shameful to people.

Often when something traumatic is unearthed, the shame is the first emotion. But then there's rage and there's protection. But the shame is something that's so hard for us to identify because we can't even name it. But shame is really there because often we feel we are wrong for what has happened to us.

So we're coming at it from a place of being responsible, which is responsible.

I'm not good enough. But often what's happened to us may not be our. It's never our fault, you know, whatever's happened because of something that's, that's deeper in us.

So how can you do that without being a victim? Like how? Because. Because like, you know, we tell it's important to be responsible, but then there is a part where we have to let it go and say, okay, it's okay, I was wronged or this did happen, is how do you do that without taking on victim mentality?

Well, that's a great question because I think a lot there, a lot of people, once they do start to get empowered and standing in their truth of their experience, they can maybe lean into victims. So it's something you want to be conscious of. I think the first step is to really just get. Get grounded in the recognition of the shame. Work with a therapist or an expert in trauma or in the field of addiction or wherever you are needing support to really face those shames. Because it's hard to do. It's challenging to do that on your own. Then I think the next phase is to just stay close to your recovery. And the closer you stay to your own recovery and the more work you do to heal, the less likely you will go into a victim mentality. Victim mentality is typically. If we're just trying to stay in the protector mode. Don't feel safe.

Yeah, this is really good. Do you have. Does it matter if somebody works with a therapist or a coach? Do you have any feelings around that? What, what's the right. Because I don't know, I think people get stuck too. Like, what do I do? Do I go find a therapist that does emdr? Can I use a coach that does trauma healing? Does that matter?

I would make sure that if you're doing any trauma work that you only do it with someone who's trained in trauma work. Do not just pick up a random coach that's like, I can help you, because then they're completely irresponsible for doing that. Don't. Do not do that. But you know, I think that some of it begins like a lot of the healing can begin with a self help book. A lot of the healing can begin with a podcast like this Trust that the first steps are really to identifying and accepting that there is something to be healed that could take a year really being in acceptance. And so I've just launched this book, Super Attractor. The whole book is about how to feel good. But what I say in the book is that the secret to feeling good is to decide to stop feeling bad. Now that might sound easy for somebody that just kind of has typical day to day things that are annoyances, but if someone's sitting there and they're in debt or are having critical illness or they're depressed, they might be thinking, well, how do I decide to stop feeling bad? Listen, I had to do it six months ago in my postpartum experience. I every day woke up suicidal and I had to each decide what can I do to feel better today? Even if it was just okay, I can say celebrate that I had an extra 20 minutes of sleep last night, or I can celebrate that I can take a bath right now, or I'm going to do one thing towards my therapy today, right? So just recognizing that the decision to stop feeling bad is actually something very subtle. It's not a huge overnight resurrection.

I love. I decide I share that constantly with fat. I say that with fat loss too. Like that's. That first step is you have to decide that it's even a possibility, that you're ready for new habits, that something else is going to happen. Talk to me about the postpartum and the depression there. Because my, the first question I have is, did you share right when that was happening? Did you wait till you got on the other side of it and then how did you know that that was.

Postpartum Took me two and a half months to get actual diagnosis because I didn't go straight into depression. I started with postpartum anxiety, which I think can be. Take a little longer to diagnose because I think moms just think, oh, I'm a new mom. I'm anxious, Right? So you chalk it up. But my anxiety led to panic attacks, agoraphobia, and insomnia, and that was no longer that. That brought me to depression. So that's when I became suicidal. And. Wow, that was. Listen, I think that it progressively gets worse. So once you notice the slightest sign, please talk to your ob, GYN or therapist about it. It does just progressively get worse and worse. I. I was at my. So your question was, how did I.

Like, how did you know? You sort of started to answer that, but, like, how did you. You know? And did you share this with your audience as it was? No, I didn't.

I didn't share it because I was so in it. And I was sharing a little bit about anxiety, but I didn't have the words for it. And then when I. The day that I got diagnosed and was put on a healing path, I was feeling so much shame. At which point I knew that in that. That shame was a shame that I wasn't alone in. So I knew that it was something I had to be forthcoming about. At that point, I got on my Instagram story and told everybody what I was going through the thing. I would not recommend that to someone who's not comfortable being in the public eye. For me, this is what I've been doing for 15 years, right? But for someone that's going through a vulnerable situation, I do not recommend just getting on Instagram and talking about it. For me, I felt it was my responsibility because one of the ways that I face shame is to speak. To speak it.

Yeah.

So I did that.

Gabby, you are like the I swear things. You hear that expression that, like, life doesn't happen to us, it happens for us. But you are like the walking billboard of this. I feel like everything in your life literally happens so you can be relatable to people.

Everything I've been through, I look back and I can say, thank you, God, because you've given me an opportunity to get closer to that spiritual connection. Every discomfort, every disturbance has given me more to work with. I also am very. To your point, proud that I can live to tell you. I can live to tell what freedom looks like. I can today stand in that freedom more than I ever have before and promise everyone listening that there is hope and that there's, that there's a healing that's available to everyone.

So I want to share with listeners. When I first met Gabby a few years back, almost three years ago, I think it was, I didn't know anything about her work or what she, I must have been living under a rock, but I didn't know at the time. And when I met her I thought, who is this girl? She's like a sister from another Mr. I have everything in common with her. But what's so funny is as I've read her work and watched her stuff now and spoken to anybody else who's read her work, met her, coached with her, whatever it is, they all have that same story about you where you're so relatable to everyone, where they feel like they're just connected to you. It's really, really incredible. I'm going to encourage anyone listening. This is your spiritual guide. Pick up Gabby's books, read them. It literally will feel like you found an old friend that's related to you because it's amazing. I feel like your life has seriously happened for you to be able to relate to everybody else. It's really incredible.

I feel the same. I'm glad that you see that and I appreciate your feedback very much. So much. Thank you.

Yeah. Where can obviously guys pick up her books, all of them, especially Super Attractor, her newest ones. Tell us a little bit about your membership site and your program so people know where to find you and how to get more of this.

One thing that's really cool that I'm offering before January 1st is a manifesting challenge. And it's a 21 day challenge for anyone that is looking to really manifest in the new year. And That's a Gabby Bernstein.com manifesting challenge. I'm also really, really, really proud of my book Super Attractor. I, you know, I've been very, I think I've been, I'm getting on this podcast like I'm amazing but I don't take credit for the books, right? So even though I'm kind of joking but, but, but telling people out there to be more, more proud of themselves. I, I'm proud of the, the, the co creation of this book because I believe I write these books with, with, with my spiritual connection. I as every, every word that I type onto the screen has, has a transmission and I'm listening to that inner voice. And this book is. People kept asking me all throughout my book launch, why did you write this book? And my answer is because I wanted to feel good. It's a book on how to feel good, so if you're ready to the subtitle is Methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. That's true. This is what you will get. Very, very much so. I can stand behind that. But it's also a book mainly on how to feel good. Because when you feel good, that's when you're super attracted.

So good. So good. Thank you so much. Gabby. This has been incredible. I learned a lot about you. Thank you.

So fun.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read the all all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable and come interact with me over on Instagram at Natalie Jill Fit. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.