177: Overcome Your Past to Build Your Empire with Dean Aguilar

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or we've had a big setback? On this podcast, I'll be talking to some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on this planet who at their worst, learned how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up and creating everything from nothing. At the young age of just 12 years old, Dean Aguilera devised a plan to mow lawns and save up money so that his younger brother and his mom could leave his very physically abusive dad. Now, they ultimately ended up living in a car behind a convenience store, eating just Slim Jims and Skittles for dinner. But that hardship, it taught Dean about his life and how to handle so many setbacks to come. Today, Dean Aguilera is the CEO of Digital Muse Media. His clients include high level entrepreneurs, athletes, and actors. He's also the founder of two very highly successful real estate companies, Xavier Dean Realty and Dean Aguilera Group, which sells an average of 150 million in real estate each year. Join in today and learn exactly how Dean Aguilera leveled up and created everything from nothing. Today I'm talking with Dean Aguilera and I'm so excited to chat with you because he is an entrepreneur in real estate and in the digital space. He's super successful. And he was also for sure, not born with that silver spoon in his mouth. It was not all handed to him and he's got quite the life of stories before him that brought him to where he was. So, Dean, thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you. This is amazing. I'm so excited to chat with you.

Yeah, so take me back. Obviously, you're so successful now. People know who you are. You've got this big presence and you do so well.

Well.

But people tend to look at that and go, oh, well, they've just been lucky, or they had that handed to them. Can you take us back to who you were? I know as a kid this was not who you were and you even had a rough time with your dad early on.

Yeah, we did. So, my gosh, do we have enough time?

Yeah, we have. We have enough time. Let's go.

All right, so, yeah, look. So, you know, a lot of people have different upbringings and stuff like that. And, you know, I. This story's been told many times by other people, but, like, mine is definitely one where I Had an abusive father, you know, growing up, and, you know, abused me and my mom, you know, would. Physically. Yeah, he would. He would smack the crap out of all of us. I mean, just. It was bad and just use multiple things and, you know, it was just. It was. It was rough, you know, growing up. And finally, you know, there was an age where it started to. I started to come into my own self as hard as being a man and starting to try to stick up for myself, which actually made it worse at the time. But, you know, when I was 12 to 13 years old, I honestly, I gave my own mother an ultimatum to either leave or I left because I had run. You know, I ran away a couple of times for weeks.

Wow.

Which only caused bigger beatdowns, you know, when I came back. But the last one was, are you coming with me or not? You know, and so that.

I'm thinking, as you're saying that, you know, my daughter's 12 and she's never had a hand lifted to her ever. She has no idea how grateful she should be for that. Like, no, that's not. Never been a thing. And I'm trying to imagine what that would be like as a kid. Like, did. Was it like, no matter. You never knew what was causing that or did you start associating, like, if I do this behavior, this happens? What was. What was the story you were telling yourself as a kid?

Yeah. So, man, it was just, you know, as a kid, you're so young and all that stuff that you hear, you know, with your parents fighting and your dad watching your dad do that and obviously doing it to you, you're always wondering, you know, if you can ever do something. Right. Right. Because with that certain person, it didn't really matter. Like, I couldn't put a finger on it. So, like, with your question, it was like, I just couldn't put a finger. There was really. It would just depend on how he was that day. Does that make sense?

Yeah. You were just kind of scared of him, like. No, it's coming.

Constant fear. Like when he. He would wake up or come home, I would try to, like, hide a little bit because I just didn't know what I was going to get into, you know, with him, like, constantly, you know.

Yeah.

It's funny just like you said. Yeah. My son will never, never know.

Yeah.

Know or feel or experience any of that stuff, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. So what did you believe about yourself as a kid with this happening?

You know, what is one thing that I took out of all this was. I learned how to grow up very quickly, you know, and I knew that by, you know, by feeling that way. Like I always felt like there was something going to be better. That's the reason why when I left, I didn't even share this with you. When I left, I was actually self sufficient. So that early on I had money because I was working with, I was mowing lawns, I was doing all these extra stuff. I was a little entrepreneur, so I had my own money. And honestly I was. I paid to get into a. Paid to get into a shady ass hotel and one. And then I stayed with friends and family. So I, at 12, 13, I was kind of already taking care of myself, disappearing.

Wow. How was your relationship with your mom around this time?

She loved me, I loved her. And I didn't want this more for her, but I was trapped because she wouldn't do anything about it. And I didn't want, you know, I didn't want to be a part of it anymore. So. And my son might not my son, but my brother, he's seven years younger than I am. So like, you know, at 12, he's. I don't know what it was that he's like, yeah, he's five. Yeah. So he didn't know any better. And what's interesting growing up is. And I'll share with you guys. So my dad's from Pakistan. He's very, very Muslim.

Okay.

Mom is from Argentina and she was very Christian. Right. So very odd pairing when they both came to this country. And I was born with a Muslim name, so was my brother. But obviously I changed it to match my mom's heritage right when I was early on. But like my brother never experienced anything like that, only because. And I don't know if it was resentment from me being kind of a quote unquote accident right when they were younger to end up having to be together and whatever. But my brother was planned, right. And so he never experienced any of that. Matter of fact, to this day, my brother's still very close with my dad. He never laid one finger on him, which was very crazy.

Wow. So did you. That's so interesting that you would think that if they're abusing one kid, they would be abusing another too. So did you have jealousy around your brother? Did you have stories there?

No, I didn't. And you know, because at the time, I don't have it now, and I didn't have it then because at the time he was so small that like I actually was relieved that he wasn't.

Catching a beat down because you were protecting.

Yeah.

So what was your. You said your mom loved you and you're close with her, but were you annoyed that she wasn't protecting you or what was coming up around that?

Yeah. So, like. Well, she tried. Let me just tell you. It was like, you know, the. The scenes of people getting pushed out of the way of a moving car. That's. Yeah, Mom. But then it only made it worse for everybody involved because then he'd hurt her, too. Yeah. You know, and so. Yeah. So. Yeah. And then, you know, the part of that, like, after, you know, going back and forth and me disappearing and stuff like that, you know, I did resent her for a little while, even growing up, you know, there was bits and pieces. Like when we finally. She finally left, there was bits and pieces of me resenting, you know, that I haven't even shared yet, but me resenting the fact that she couldn't really still even take care of us. Like I said, I had to be forced to become a man very quickly. And by the time I was 14, we had to petition the state of Virginia because I was living in Washington, D.C. that's where I'm from. Are you?

Yeah.

Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. I was born in D.C. and I was raised in Arlington right up. Yep.

I lived there, too. I know exactly where.

And so, like, at that time, they had a petition with social services and everything to have me work, like, 32 hours because I wasn't old enough.

Okay.

We got approved. And I was literally paying for a lot of stuff at 14, you know, so there was a lot of resentment from. Because my mom is still, to this day, she's like the typical Hispanic lady that, you know, came, you know, 50 years ago to this country. Can't necessarily have a lot of skills or speak English. Right.

Okay, so you mean, you see, when you left with your mom and you were helping to take care of her, is that correct?

There was still a little bit of resentment, you know, for a lot of things. Just, like how all this came about and, you know, me having to turn into. I was no longer a brother and a son. I was more like a father and a husband.

So resentment from you or resentment from your mom?

From me, from you, from, you know, got it. To my mom now.

Your mom, I'm assuming. So did she leave your dad? Was it. This was on your own?

So this is where the story gets a little interesting. So I made her leave because I gave her an ultimatum.

What was the ultimatum? I'm not Going to be your son or what was the.

I will never come back. I. Yeah, I left for every time that I left. And I left, like, maybe four or five times. It was for a couple of weeks. The last one I left was for a month. And my dad was, like, constantly in this. In the hunt for me. Like, he made it his mission. Yeah, it was.

It was scary.

Yeah. It was crazy. And my mom had a broker, a piece for me to come home, you know, it was. Anyway, it was a big mess. But the last time that I did and I knew it started up again because it would always be good for like, a week or two and then right back in it is. I gave her that ultimatum. So we hashed out a plan. She had a friend in New York we went to. What we did was we planned out one day that we were gonna pack up all our stuff. The minute he left the work, I.

Was thinking, Dean, I'm just thinking, you, like, age 12 doing this. Like, I'm trying to picture my daughter having. Figuring out this plan, but. I'm sorry. Go on. So you got a plan.

It's like your daughter and you hashing out a plan. Yeah, I can't even imagine it, you know, And. And so we. We basically took everything that we had and we jumped into the Pinto station wagon and we went to Brooklyn and to be with one of her, you know, her friends that she knew. Now, we were there for eight months.

Did you take your brother, too? Did he.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Three of us were gone. We. We landed there. And we were there a total eight months. But after about 30 days, we were no longer welcomed. You know? I mean, we were there enough for. With her friend for a while. I was sleeping on a hardwood floor. It was just not good.

Yeah.

So instead of going back, because we didn't have a plan to go back yet, we. For three months. Actually, no, it was two months in the house, and then, like, three months. Anyway, for three months, we ended up sleeping behind a convenience store in the station wagon. Homeless.

Wow.

Yeah. And so we. I tell everybody a story because I was eating Slim Jims and Skittles for, like, dinner. You know what I mean? Essentially, that's what we were doing at night. And, you know, she was working. She was cleaning houses. My mom, again, not a lot of skills. Right. So she did what she knew she had to do, which is.

She had a work ethic, though.

Yeah, she did. She would hustle, and then I would pick up jobs, just doing random makeup.

Did any other adults know you were sleeping In a car. Like, were you going to school? Did anyone see this?

No, because at that time when we left, we planned it during summer break. So the only thing that I missed because she was very big on that early on was I think first half of the year, like junior year or something like that.

But you just came out of school. Like you just weren't. Disappeared from it. So. Okay, so, wow. So were you real when you as a kid were dealing with this? Like, you're living in a car, you're eating Skittles and Slim Jims. What were you deciding about yourself then? Like, did you know this was not a good scenario? Did you think this is fun? Like, what, what was happening? Were you hoping to be rescued? Like, what was going on through your mind at that age?

I. So I never hoped to be rescued because, like, I gave up relying on anyone else probably because of what happened, you know, father. So I really didn't trust anyone else to get us to the point. Right. And because I always had that, like. And just, you know, I always had that entrepreneurial spirit. So I was always making money. I would always find a way sometimes, let's just put it what it is, sometimes not so great. You know, I had to do what I had to do to make, to get money. Right. But there was always, there was always that spirit in me to pull myself out. And I told my mom, I mean, I remember the day that I told her, I was like, when I get older, we're never going to live like this again. I flat out just. She cried and she, you know, she did her thing because she was, she felt very bad. She felt so sorry. And it wasn't, you know, I told her, I was like, this is not meant for you to feel bad because you weren't able to provide. This is me telling you I'm going to get us out of this crap.

I already like your mom because I'm thinking what an a great mom because how scary for her to take that risk with you. Like, yes, she wanted to leave your dad because you're being abused and she's protecting. But like, for someone that doesn't have the education or the skills or whatever and that jump to that unknown for her kids is super admirable. It's like, it's really incredible.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she was, she's always been a rock. I mean, to take the beat downs and, you know, keep going and like working three or four jobs to try to keep us going. I mean, you know, it's just like she's an Amazing woman.

Yeah, sounds like it. So how did you get out of that situation?

So here's the interesting part. So this is how it started to turn around. So my mom had a friend who used to work at a law office right back home in the D.C. area. And her friend, you know, throughout the months, was like, okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna make this work for you. I'm gonna make this work. I'm gonna figure something. So she got her boss, her lawyer friend involved. Right.

Okay.

The lawyer reaches out to my mom. Right. And they connect. And the lawyer agreed to facilitate the divorce and getting the house and money for free. He did it.

Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. It was extremely. It was like the biggest gift we've ever received. So within the year, we actually got the house and she got cash and it helped us get back. I moved back into the house that we grew up in.

But was that scary because your dad would still know where you guys were?

Yes, it was. But there was parts to where he wasn't allowed to come near us. Right. There was one time in the beginning which prompted this court order. And so there was the fear. I didn't want to go back to that house because to this day and this. I got to share this with you, and I really haven't shared this with anyone to this day. When I'm at my house and my mom's here, and she's either taking care of my son, and she doesn't know where I am in the house, and someone knocks on the door, she freaks the hell out.

Yeah, I can imagine.

She freaks out.

Yeah. It's like post traumatic stress disorder. Like, she's.

That's it. And so when we were there for the first few months, if we heard noises, like so many things would happen emotionally. And one of the things that triggered it was my dad. When we first got the house back, he tried to come back and get some of his stuff, and we had already changed the lock, so he went around the house. This is at night when we're trying to go to sleep, banging on every window.

Whoa. And you just have to ignore him.

You got to ignore him. We call the cops. But like, you know, scary, though.

Yeah.

I got a 7 year old brother, 14 year old kid, a mom that's already freaked out. And we're sitting in there essentially, mom crying and everybody. It's just. It was just a mess. But, like, it all. It all got squashed. And we stayed in that house for at least three or four more years.

Yeah.

And then started to kind of make our way.

I have so many questions, and I swear I want to. I'm gonna get into how you built your. How you built your brand and your business, but I have some questions about your dad now. And like, your relationship, there's. How did your dad ever take ownership to what he created in your life? And what's your relationship with him now?

I don't speak to him. I've maybe spoken to him three times in, I don't know, 30 years, something like that. My brother speaks to him every other day.

Your brother doesn't have the memory of.

He doesn't. That he knows about it, obviously, but he doesn't. He's never experienced it. He's always.

And your dad doesn't have any ownership around it.

He very little, like, you know, like, for, like, legit.

Literally, like, not remember it or does.

He even acknowledge it? You know what I mean? And matter of fact, it's like, in the beginning, when he tried to reach out, he tried to blame my mom for the way that she, quote unquote, was all abusers do. Yeah.

They never think it's them.

No.

It's always the other person.

Yeah. So that's, you know, that's currently a relationship. I mean, his. From what I understand, his health is failing and all that. My brother's always encouraging me to just say your peace and goodbye, you know, and. But I just never really had. I don't necessarily need that. I think I had that closure a long time ago.

I get it. And have you processed it yourself within your own? Like, have you. Have you cleared that? Do you get. Do you still get a charge around him, or do you have this, like. Have you processed that trauma yourself?

No, you know, like, I don't feel. It's so funny. I just don't feel either way.

Yeah.

Stranger to me. You know what I mean? Like, I just.

Yeah.

There's nothing that. Nothing that I feel when. When he's brought up, because my brother brings him up all the time, but I just like any other conversation for me.

Got it. So bring us around to, like, what you've created now. Like, so. At that. So you're this entrepreneurial kid. You're dealing with a lot. I'm assuming you go back to school. Were you just right in the same grade, or did you have to stay back for missing that beginning?

I stayed back.

So you stayed back. Okay. And then how were you as a student?

Absolutely horrible.

So was I. All entrepreneurs, it seems like.

You know what? So funny. Yeah, you're right about that. So, like, man, girl, I. So I. It was terrible. You know, we were in and out of school for everybody on the, you know, on the podcast, I lied about going to college and everything for years.

Wow. Oh, you actually lied about going to it, huh? Just.

Yeah, you know.

You don't want to fake a transcript, too. Why did you. How did you put it in?

I just told everybody I graduated. You know what I mean?

That's funny.

You put it on LinkedIn and you do all that stuff because you feel like you and I left it there for so many years just because, you know, you get looked at, not know, not now, because obviously now it's okay. Like, I think I feel like a lot more people.

Oh, it's like, who. Yeah, it's totally okay now.

Yeah. But like, before, it's like they looked at you different.

I get it. Growing up in D.C. especially, it's like, what's your political stance and where did.

You go to school?

And what do you do? Those three questions, and that's. And that's all anyone ever ask about your education, your political stance, and what do you do?

You know, you're. From my head, you understand.

That's all it was. I loved moving to California to get away from that conversation, to be honest with you. You know, it's so funny because the school, you know, and I struggle with this. My daughter right now because she's like me as a student, and, you know, her dad is a different mindset than me around. Around school, and he was the great straight A student, you know, so. And I struggled to help her around that because she gets in like this, she feels bad about her grades, and I'm thinking, my mind goes to like, well, what the heck is wrong with the teachers? Like, what's wrong with them? Like, why can't they see the creativity she has? And, like, I wish classes would play into that stuff she would thrive in that is storytelling and an art and, you know, visionary things. But, like, when you have to go to just the standard way that the schools have been, it's hard for students that are creative crazy because everybody.

Everybody has their genius.

Yeah.

I don't know necessarily that Christopher Columbus in a book is actually going to make or break someone. You know what I mean?

Or algebra.

Or algebra.

Don't ask me. Algebra.

Yeah, we got a cell phone, so we can get that. We can get that squared away, you know?

So, yeah, I was just listening to somebody on Oprah's podcast on Super Soul, and they were talking about. I'm not gonna remember his name now. But he just wrote a book about how right brain thinkers will really lead the world. Later that our parents were taught that you have to have left brain thinking. Like you have to learn accounting or be an attorney or be an adoption. You have to be really. But now so much of that's replaced with robots or artificial intelligence or overseas or wherever. And those jobs will continue to decline. But those that think with their right brain, like problem solving, big picture, that's what will thrive.

I completely agree with that. I completely agree with that 100%. I mean, it's. Yeah, it's been amazing over the course of a few years of, you know, growing on multiple businesses and stuff like that, especially from the setbacks. But I'm blessed.

Yeah. So how did you come. So what did you think you were gonna be as a teenager? Like, what you thought? Like, what am I gonna do? Or what am I gonna create? And then how did you start creating that?

I. So when I was younger, what. It's like, what do you want to be when you grow up? Right. So when I was younger, I honestly thought I was gonna be like. At the time it was gonna be like Pele or Maradona. Cause I played. My mom's from Argentina, so you can imagine, like how dedicated to soccer she was. So I played soccer for so many years, like even through all this. Oh, you're going to get this. So we had a lie to my dad one time because I was so good. When I was younger, we played soccer and I traveled everywhere. So she literally drove me down from D.C. to North Carolina for a game and back in one day and had to lie to him. And where we were going, oh my gosh. Because I had an out of state soccer tournament. But anyway, I thought it was gonna be that. But like, so when you get older and what I didn't share with everybody is I have a number of health problems, you know, and I. When I was three, I had a tumor that was the size of my lungs. So they removed my entire right lung. So I have one lung, but I still played soccer, you know.

That's amazing.

Yeah. And I'm 46.

Other one got stronger.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

That's exactly it.

You compensate, right? And you don't know any different. Like, you just don't. It's normal life. Right. But it did get a little tougher when I got younger or when I got older, you know, trying to keep up, running on the field. But you know, I think that and a couple with just. I've got multiple limbs replaced, like joints Replaced, you know, and everything. And these are all things that have just come up through the year.

I'll challenge you. I'm not your doctor, of course, but I'm going to challenge you. Just with all the interviews I've done and all the research and working with coaches is that I would challenge you when you said you hadn't process the trauma from being a kid because it doesn't mean anything. That, that has a lot to do with the stuff going on in your body because that you've heard the body keep score.

Yeah.

And I believe that because if you've never fully processed it, that could be what's manifesting out. I believe that's what my back issue was from. I believe that that's all connected.

Mind, body, connection. Right.

Oh, it's like your body literally keeps the score of emotional trauma when we don't.

Are you telling me that I gotta call my dad as soon as we're done with this?

No, I'm not going to tell you that at all. I might recommend a few coaches for it. I have a few coaches that can help you with trauma healing. I can tell you that after the interview. But. Yeah, no, I'm not going to tell you to call your dad at all without doing that stuff.

No, I know.

I'm just playing and I've done. I've spent a lot of time getting help around that as well. So it does make a difference. So you were soccer, but obviously your body's having issues. So what did you decide then?

Okay, so at that point, I knew I was good at being an entrepreneur and I knew I was good honestly, at sales. That was things. Right. So I wanted to tie them in the things that were passionate in me because of all my health issues. And I just jumped headfirst into fitness. And so at an early age, like, I was, you know, I would say I played sports all my life, since I was 4, I was playing soccer. But like, at 14 on up, I got into, you know, weight training. I was. I ended up being a gym rat gold. The dirtier the better. As far as the gym.

Oh, gym in Arlington. Does that mean.

Yeah, exactly. You know, so I would, I would, I would do that for many years. And I was really, really good. I ended up being one of the youngest, like, general managers. I was 20 years old, running an entire gym of 60 people.

Wow.

Yeah. And so, you know, and I was certified as a trainer and all that stuff. And what. I mean, it's just, I was, it was just natural for me. It was something I really, really enjoyed. Out of that came someone that was a member of the gym. He was just a baller in our. You. You know, the area. Right. So he was a baller in Fairfax County. He was like one of the biggest real estate teams in the area at that time. And it was. I think it was like maybe 2000, 2001 when he approached.

Okay.

And he wanted me to leave the gym business. And at 20, running an entire gym. I was making cash and living. You would have thought that I was like Puff Daddy. Like, I was just like, I'm 20, right. So, like, all this money and like, I'm in the girls, and I'm like, you want me to leave? What, like heaven, Right. But then he threw numbers at me and potentials and all these things, and I'm like, okay, I'll give it a try. That sounds all great. Right.

And this is before people were really, truly entrepreneurs. Like, it wasn't as common and as accepted.

Yep, yep, exactly. And, you know, so I. I took the leap with him, and I decided to join his team and be his buyer agent, right. Buyers. And, you know, get him under contract and learn the ropes for real estate. So I got my license in 2001, and I did that. And. And by the time I was, I don't know, maybe 24, 25, I was making $450,000 a year, which is a.

Huge amount for a kid. You were a kid? Sell.

Yeah. Again. Again. This was like, I thought I was going to retire at 30 with that. I was already done. Right.

Yeah.

And then, you know, I ended up leaving him, but he was. He was really cool about it. And I grew my own team. So I was like, mid-20s and I started growing my own team. Well, you can imagine by being so young and stupid with your money, popping bottles at the club and buying. Really stupid. Yeah, right. That I just blew my money. And when the bust of 2008 hit, I lost everything.

Oh, me too. We have a lot of things in common here.

Yeah, I lost it. I lost three properties. One that I was living in with my mom, which was terrible because my mom lived with me this entire time, even throughout, because, you know, she was just always close. I wanted to talk to her, you know, keep her close. I lost $250,000 in cash to try to keep the team afloat. And we ended up, believe it or not, after all of that in a one bedroom apartment in Centerville, which I know you know where it is.

Yep. My boyfriend at the time lived in Centerville.

So. Yeah. Okay. All Right. So there you go. So. And it was a. I ended up having to get a. It was like a tax credit community. So it was like certain incomes to get in that stuff. So it was a one bedroom, me sleeping on the. And I gave my brother and my mom the room right. To share and I slept on the floor.

Wow.

We all three moved back in together for a year when I was trying to pull myself out.

And what did you do in that time? What did you do for work?

I went back to fitness. Yeah, I went back and I didn't want to get into sales or anything. I needed a break. I needed to do something fun but still make money. So I went back to training.

Yeah, it was consistent and you could clap, you could just rely on it.

That's it. Rely on it. It was fun. I love teaching people how to work out, you know, all that stuff. I was back in an environment which was comfortable, you know, and I did that for a couple more years. So I still have my license active. Right. And any opportunities I still took. But that's when I met my, you know, my girlfriend at the time. She was a bartender for many, many years in Fairfax and Center Hill. She, she was actually really good. She used to win fastest bartending competitions. So she was really, really good. So after all of that happening and going back into fitness, there was a little dark time because we started drinking a little bit again, parting it and you're trying to just really, really depress. And her being in that industry, they live a different life. Right. So their life starts after the shift at 2p total 2am, you know what I mean? And so all that happened and we were like, after about three years in of the bust and going through all this, still having my license, active, we decided we had been together for about three or four years at that point. Let's make a change. We want to get past all of this and we want to move and we move to California. We actually moved to la.

Okay.

And a friend of mine, so what's interesting is when I grew up, like all that time when I was younger with my dad and all that stuff, I had a friend that I've always been close with since I was four years old, he lived around the corner from me. He had already moved to LA four years prior and he lived in Venice beach. And so we moved to Venice beach and we lived.

Your mom too?

Yeah. Everybody. Everybody came over.

Yep.

So we moved. We stayed there for about two years. Realized very quickly we did not like la, but we love San Diego.

That's where I am. Literally. We have like the same life.

We do. All right, cool. So you're in my hood. That's awesome.

Yeah, I'm in San Diego.

All right, awesome. So that's what we did. We moved to San Diego when I was in la. I got my California license. I put my Virginia license inactive, which is still. I just review it, it's still there. And I started back up in San Diego and it's over. The last. I don't know, I've been here eight years now or something like that. I've grown a team very large again. We do almost 300 transactions per year. Yeah. I started an independent brokerage that ended up being bought out by a company called Big Block Big Block Realty. So they bought, they acquired my actual brokerage, but we rolled my real estate team underneath that brokerage as an umbrella and that is still thriving. And then within the last two years, I've grown my personal brand very large, you know, on social media and always done video and stuff like that. So that came naturally. And so we, my partner and I, we launched an agency that really focuses on brand growth on Instagram.

That's amazing. So a lot of questions for you around that. What do you know now that you wish you knew then before the 2008 crash because you're back in real estate. What do you know now differently on.

The crash or just in general?

In general, like, how do you approach your business different, knowing that you thought you were doing it right then and then it all crashed and tumbled down? What have you learned from that and what would be what's different in your business now?

I think the number one thing for me now is I call it the five second funeral. Okay. So there's going to be a lot of stuff in everybody's life that happens consistently. Right. And before I was very angry, very pissed, like just about everything. So I blame it on life and, you know, whatever. And I did use it as fuel for a lot of things, but it was the wrong type of fuel. Right. So what I know now is no matter what happens, I always. There's a place that I go to in my brain is, do I have any control of it? Like, was there anything I could have done? And it's already happened. So I'm giving myself a five second funeral and I'm done. Because everybody here that's listening to this knows that when they've had a something happen to them. Right. If they any. Anything you think about manifests, right?

Yep.

If you think about that problem that could easily turn from hours to weeks to months to years, completely screwing you up. And I held it for such a long time that now when things go wrong, I use it as a learning lesson versus feeling sorry for myself or anything.

Right.

Just going right into it. And I just know that it's a learning lesson because I know that it wasn't meant to be. There's a different path, and it's taking me to a certain area. And what's interesting is a lot of times now when things haven't worked out my way, it was actually saving me from losing money or something.

Totally. Like there's something else around the corner. So when I think back to 2008, 2009, I lost financially huge right then, too. I was one of the worst times of my life. But I also know the bounce back was amazing. And then I had another setback a couple years ago before I started this podcast that was my worst financial setback ever, actually. And what I did then was what you kind of did in 2008, where I kept throwing money at the problem, thinking, fix it. And so one of the reason I asked that is one of the lessons I learned is not to throw money at a problem. Like, when it's not working. I got to change my mindset around it, look at a different vision, look at. But it's not just about throwing money at the problem. So I was wondering if that had come up for you too, and if you would hand. If, like, the market changed now, how would you handle it?

Yeah, that's a very good point, you know, because that's what I did is losing all that cash. That's what I was trying to do, is I was throwing money at a problem, knowing that it wasn't gonna go anywhere.

Yeah. Kept doing the same thing, thinking it's gonna fix it.

Yeah, exactly. Doing the same thing over and over again. You know, I think there's a couple of things now is I think knowing what I know, I. I'm a firm believer that I don't know everything. And so being an entrepreneur, and I'm sure you can relate to this, a lot of times you're very opinionated on the things that you think are going to work, but it's always good to have an outside person as a mentor or a coach to help you through this process.

So true.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, so true.

You run the risk of doing what we did, which is either thinking that throwing money at the problem, because that's what we naturally think as an entrepreneur, versus looking at it differently, but someone guiding you who may have already done it and done it high level.

How do you, how do you stay so positive and focused now knowing like what you mentioned, like you had this, you know, you could so easily be in that victim mode of what's happened to you, like your body or the 2008 crash or the how your dad was or any of those things. How do you stay out of that victim mentality?

I. I've already been there two or three times in my life for many reasons, for health or whatever.

And you were in victim mentality. You mean like where you're.

No, I mean just so. Meaning I've hit bottom so many times.

Okay.

That I'm not afraid to lose anymore because I know what it feels like. It drives me. Right. So, like, I know that whatever setbacks that I have, I feel that they're so minor compared to health. Losing a lung potentially, and I'll just call it what it is, girl. I think I may not be here as long as everybody else. I just may not. I have grandparents. This is hereditary genetic stuff. Grandparents that all die from every single form of cancer differently before they're 63. I always keep that as okay. It's okay. It could be a lot worse because I've already experienced it. So whatever I'm going through at the time is so minor to me because of what I've experienced in the past. I just don't let it. I just don't let it bother me.

Yeah. If somebody's listening right now and they're in their own personal rock bottom, whatever that is, maybe it's your crash, maybe it's. They're living in the car. Whatever their own personal rock bottom is, maybe it's a business on the verge of failing and you were to give them some advice on what they can do to start changing their mind around that and leveling up and creating everything, nothing, what would them.

I would say that they have to look again. I go back to your mindset and your brain is a very funny thing. Right. If you consistently think about the problem versus a possible solution, then you will never get anywhere because all you're doing is you're manifesting the problem over and over in your head.

So good.

Okay, so for everybody that's maybe sleeping in a car every single night while it's cold and you're worried about a bomb breaking in through the window, you should be writing in a journal about all the shit that you're going to do the next day to get out of this. Yeah, like because otherwise you're going to get up the next day with no plan, feeling sorry, walking around very, very tired, very depressed, very, totally. And it's just a vicious cycle over and over.

So good. Dean. I love that. Where can people find you and what are you working on now?

You can find me on Instagram. I live on Instagram, guys. I love it. I love engaging with you guys. So just follow me. Ealdeanaguilar Looking for you right now. All right. You gotta follow me back, girl.

Yeah, I got you. You're followed now.

Awesome.

Awesome. That sounds so good. Thank you so much, Dean.

Thank you. This was awesome.

Thanks for leveling up with us today. Please share this episode if you found it helpful so others can join in. And don't forget to hit that subscribe so you don't miss out on future shows. And if you would leave me a five star review. I appreciate those so much. I read all of them and it's how I know that I'm giving you information that you find valuable. And come interact with me over on Instagram @nataliejofin. I read all the direct messages and comments over there. Make it a great day. Creating everything from nothing.