212: Improving Your Teens Mental Health with Jamie Kromm

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned lifestyle and high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how do we shift and create everything from nothing? How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or have had a big setback? And how do we adjust quickly when life throws us major curveballs? On this podcast, I do what I do best. Taking complicated information that is relevant to us now and breaking it down simply with actionable steps. Steps you can implement to level up your own life. I also regularly interview some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on the planet who at their worst, learn how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up, creating everything from nothing. If you are new here, I encourage you to go back and listen from episode one for the full transformative experience today on Leveling Up. I'm here with Jeff, Jamie Crum. And I can't wait to dive into this conversation because Jamie spent years teaching in the public school system and that left her actually disheartened, discouraged and certain that there was a better way to support kids, especially kids and their parents that had challenges that made it hard for kids to show up and learn. She is a coach now. She does live workshops. I really wanted to chat with her especially everything going on in the world right now. I am, I myself have a 13 year old daughter and I've watched with quarantine and shutdowns and us all of a sudden having to educate kids at home, just a lot of things changing. I find myself learning how to navigate this world and I thought, gosh, there's a lot of people listening right now, a lot of you listening that are also navigating through this with your kids today. So I am excited to jump into this conversation. So much, so much goodness can come from this. Thank you so much for being here, Jamie.

Oh, absolutely. I am so excited to chat with you today, Natalie.

Me too. Okay, take us back, Jamie. So your background, you were a teacher, you were in the public school system. What drove you there? What was it about kids? And then what made you want to leave that?

So I definitely, growing up, I just, I attracted kids. I was just always. So it was so easy for me to connect with kids and it just, it was very natural and very organic. I played sports all through high school and college and throughout all those years, I also was heavily involved in our summer camps with kids. So I was surrounded by kids all the time and I just loved teaching and coaching and seeing them grow and seeing their progress. And it just, like I said, was so natural for me that it just led me into teaching. I didn't really think very much about what career I was going to do. It just led that way. And it just was beautiful to see how I had this gift that I didn't know I had. I just stepped into the correct field.

Yeah. So what made you leave that? Because you had this connection with kids. You were obviously good at what you were doing there. What changed? And, you know, I know that you got disheartened at what time, what caused that, what happened?

The majority. I can still remember the year. It was like 2011, 2012, when Common Core started to come out. And our evaluation system for teachers also changed drastically. And so there was. I noticed I felt, like, so much pressure, and it was overwhelming and so stressful to a point where I almost felt like it was never enough. No matter what I did was never.

Enough for those listening right now, because not everyone knows what that means. Can you explain what Common Core is?

Sure. Yes. It's a curriculum. And. And so basically, the state I was in, Illinois, at the time, they required us to teach according to a certain standard, to a curriculum. So, like, everybody was uniform. We all, throughout all schools, had to teach the science the correct way, the math this correct way. So it was very. It was a whole new thing for a lot of teachers to grasp. It was a whole different way of teaching than how we had been teaching, and it was very structured. So it was. It was a little bit, like I said, a lot of training. There was a lot of training involved.

So what's interesting for me, and I'm familiar with this, and I struggled with this in my. With my own daughter, with the Common Core stuff that it. What I saw, and I'm a parent, not a teacher, was that it took away the creativity of how personalities teach. And it also didn't allow for kids that have struggles with ADD or anxiety or they're a slower learner, whatever it is, because there was no flexibility there.

Yes, it was very. I felt very. In my heart, I knew I was not teaching the way that I knew kids could learn, and that was. I felt like we were just stifling their passion. And like you just said, the creativity, really, I didn't have that much flexibility and freedom in that anymore.

So what did you see happening with kids when this was getting implemented?

Well, behavior changed. Like, Even in the 13 years as I was a teacher, it changed drastically within that time period where I. By the time I left, it was very. I. It was very difficult to manage behavior. I Felt like I was literally crowd controlling. I was. I had over. You know, I had a lot of kids in a classroom. Behaviors. Everybody's different. And so we only had, like, one way to treat one kid. And. And when we did try to flex on that, it was taking up time from the classroom. It was very stressful in the fact that trying to reach all the kids at their level and not having the resources to help them through all that.

So myself growing up with ADHD, I struggled in the school system. And I'm almost 49. So this is years ago when I struggled in the school system. And if a teacher was creative and could work with my personality, I would thrive. And if I was uninterested, I wouldn't. And what I've seen as a parent on the outside is if kids have a unique. I don't want to say problem, because it could be a gift, too, but if they have something unique about them. What I see tends to happen is teachers not necessarily adjusting always now because they can't, and then parents getting mad at the kid for not being an A or a B student, you know, and somehow these kids get lost in the shuffle. Is that an accurate thing that you. That you've seen?

Yes. Whether ADHD or not, like whether they had a disability or learning disability, it didn't matter, because every kid wants to be seen and heard, and so do adults. Absolutely. And, like, I just. And that was the hardest part was to be able to. I want to. I wanted. I was finding myself in a position where I was parenting more than I was teaching. I wasn't even teaching content anymore. I was just trying to help them with their emotions, their behavior, trying to get them to settle down for a minute. So I can teach five minutes of English. Yeah.

Yeah. That's interesting. When you say parent more than teaching, what does that mean?

A lot of. Okay, so basic needs. A lot of them came to school not feeling safe. A lot of them came to school not knowing where the next meal would be. I had. I was in a very rural area. Actually, all three schools that I was in are very rural. And so a lot of busing and lots of kids on the bus for an extended period of time. But it was just so. They wanted so much love. And again, in a public school, we weren't allowed at a certain level. I'm in the middle school where hugging, that's off course. So it was very difficult to give them the love that I knew they needed and then to also teach. So if they're coming in, being hungry and not seeing seen and not feeling loved. I was battle. It was an uphill battle. You cannot teach a kid who is traumatized or doesn't have their basic needs met. And we were. We were turning into that situation within a school setting where I was just giving the love more than I was teaching content.

Oh, gosh. Okay. I have so many questions. I don't even know where to start first. So I guess my first question is, what is happening now with schools? What is. And I know you're not a teacher now, you're more a coach and a counselor to this type of thing, but what is happening now with this all? Not against many states, schools are not reopening. How is that, in your mind going to affect these kids or how. I mean, I see what's happening in my household. I'm curious what your perspective is.

It's so definitely with socially emotional. And that's what my. That's all. What I'm so passionate about is really, you know, like I said, helping kids feel feelings and emotions. And again, school is not that place for that. Like, we don't have that time or space for that. And now we're pushing back on these limits. Like, I. It's crazy to think that kids aren't going back to school. Like, I don't know when they're going back to school. So I know cutting them off from peers and having any social life will. Will be detrimental. I mean, I mean, I don't need to say that.

No, I see it. And to add to the problem, what I see happening in my own experience is parents are still working, right? So whether they're remote or ever, and they are not then consciously parenting. And so they're letting their kids. I'm guilty of it, too. Here's the laptop. Here's the iPad. Here's your phone, which seems harmless. Like, I'm going to FaceTime, my friends, but I feel that that turns into hours and hours and hours of social media or learning from YouTube all of a sudden, and we don't know. And I. So instead of now having your at least structured day in school or camp or whatever it is, you're now learning from other kids on the Internet, what.

Does that create so def. I mean, separation, right? Like, they're not. They're not able to create and learn together and learn how. Gosh, I just think about, like, how. How to socialize, like conflict resolution, being in a cooperative learning group, knowing how to have emotionally intelligent conversations, you know, and arguments. And I think what I find is, especially now and My heart goes out to all the parents who are working at home and then trying to juggle teaching a kid. Kids need routine. They need structure. And I do understand. I do get it. Like, the electronics is easy, and it's, you know, very. It's easy to keep them busy. But what I'm finding is even in adults, those are all distractions. Tv, phone, social media, they are all distractions. Overeating, over exercising. You know, like, all these things are to distract from what's really happening within. And that's where I just feel like the emotions that we're all stifling is detrimental for adults and kids. And I think it's crucial that if kids are feeling scared and unsafe, like allowing a safe space for them to speak about their feelings and emotions. Like, I am really passionate about normalizing feelings and letting them out and letting kids feel it and let them have their temper tantrums, even adults. I mean, this is just not a kid thing too, you know?

So talk about that for a minute. When you say normalized feelings. What do parents do wrong when kids are expressing feelings?

So I wouldn't. So right or wrong rights, all feedback. And I think what I've found, and this is all through my own inner child work, is definitely stifling. That I've noticed as an adult, it's very hard for me to show emotion. Well, I'm getting a lot better at this. But it's very hard to speak about emotions and not feel like they're bad and that I'm wrong. Because really, what I noticed is we're shutting. The more that I shove it down, it becomes a physical problem, like a disease or some sort of pain in my body. And then I notice how I don't. Even when the feeling does come up, it scares me. And then I find a distraction to go shove it back down like TV or food. So really, with telling a kid to shut up. These emotions don't last long, guys. They flow like their energy. Emotion, let them out. Give like 90 seconds. Let them feel their temper tantrum. I know it's annoying and disruptive and maybe a little bit embarrassing, but for them to feel that and let it out is like magic. You're magic.

So look, my daughter, for instance, she. I grew up never expressing emotions, and I have my own issues because of that, for sure. My dad used to tease me when I would cry. I was a kid, so I learned not to cry. My daughter is very good at showing emotions. She's. She says every day she has a good cry. It feels good. You know, like, she loves that. But my question is I as a parent have to stop myself from fixing so that I feel. Can you talk a little bit about that?

So I mean, what we're fixing, right, Is it's uncomfortable for us, right? Like we. And also we want to come in and help them, but really to let them, to allow them the freedom to express again. It's like that safe space. And I think that's what's so powerful about. I just learned about a safe space not long ago and I didn't know, like, it's too loud, no judgment to be seen and heard to like, don't fix me. No. You know, people don't want. Truthfully, they don't want to be fixed and they don't want to be helped unless they ask for the help. And so I get the need to over fix I too. And that person wants to help all the time. But I noticed the more that I sit back and allow her that space or allow any kid that space to just let it all out and I don't say a word, they actually start to like open up so much more. So how does.

What does that look like? So let's just say your kid is crying about missing something or like they're something that maybe we think is dumb.

Like we're like, what do you mean?

That's the easy one. What is the appropriate way? Like, what is the ideal way for.

Us Handle it so good. So like asking them how they feel. Because feeling is in their heart and thinking you're in your mind. And so like, the more that you ask, how are you feeling? And then when they say they're sad, here's a really cool thing, okay? They don't need to know. You don't even need to know why they're sad. A lot of times we don't even know where these feelings come from. We don't need to put. We don't need to excuse the. By giving it a reason. We're like excusing the feeling and we're distracting from the feeling. So if you say feel sad, embrace that. Let her cry it out, let her feel it and then, and then go about it. Because the really cool thing is, like I said, the feelings come up and out and they don't last. And there's nothing to fix there. Like she's. It's perfectly perfect to allow that feelings. But the best thing is to like ask how you feel. And what I do with a lot of my kids is I'll ask. I'll have them Close their eyes. And we'll both go back and forth and be like, I feel tenseness in my stomach. I feel a ringing in my ear. I feel tension in my neck. Like, I feel scared or I feel grateful. And the cool thing about that is to see how fast emotions are just coming in and out and how I can go from feeling grateful one second to feeling crappy and sad the very. Yeah, I also have them do. I'll say, where do you feel that in your body? And what's cool, Natalie, is that kids actually are so much more in tune than we are. We've just been conditioned for so long. They will actually tell me, I feel pain in my shoulder, I feel pain in my neck, or I feel. And I go, where do you always feel this nervousness? And they'll tell me, in my stomach or in my chest. And then I always tell them, let it be there. This is so good. If you can feel it, this is so good. Because, again, they're feeling their feelings, and they're just, like, allowing all this to happen, and they're healing themselves, literally. Our bodies are healing machines. Just let it out.

I love that, especially as an adult, knowing what it does when you suppress emotions to your body. A whole nother show topic there. What do you do if your kid is sad or emotional because of something they perceive you did? For example, so good. You're like, I'm. You're not allowed to have Instagram or you're not allowed to have whatever. And now they're. How do you. How would you handle that?

It is always projection. So if they're. They're mad at you, they're really mad at themselves about something.

Okay.

If you're mad at them, typically you're mad at yourself about something. Oh, it's always a projection. Anytime we say you're mean, it's really. I mean. So I always, like. It's really interesting to let them say all these things. But the cool thing is that I also teach kids is to be aware of that is to notice your thoughts and notice your feelings and notice that when you have that feeling come up like, she's mean. Start, like, really thinking, is that really her or is it me? What is it about me that I think is mean? Am I mean? It's a lot of times we just are over. We let it out. We project everything we say.

But how do you say that? Okay, so I'm just making. Your kid is like, well, I'm mad because you're not letting me have social media and all my friends are on social media. And now I feel left out. I'm just. That's just an example.

Yeah.

How does. So okay. Projection to walk me through that. How is that a projection versus like just parenting? And then how do you converse with your kid about that?

Totally. So why don't you ask her when she does say what is really, what is really going on? Like what is this really about? Because there's always something underneath that. It's really not that surface level. Ask her what is really going on here? Like what are you really upset about?

I like that.

And just keep asking. It's like getting to the core of. It's kind of like asking someone, well, why do you want to lose weight? And you keep asking to get to the core reason because there's always a deep reason. So if you keep asking her like really, what. What are you mad about? And then keep asking her. Keep, keep asking why or how, like why are you feeling this? And you're going to get to the root of probably. Probably she feels alone. You know, it might be feeling I feel alone and this is the way I want to connect with people. Or she just doesn't feel. And this is totally so normal in our society is to not feel safe in our own bodies and, and to like reach out and be attached to other people. Dogs, friends, family.

Like yeah.

Things. So we don't. This is a thing I noticed and I know I'm kind of going off on a tangent here, but with no good. It's bringing up so much of our inner stuff and it's like coming to the surface. And now everybody's like, you can see the chaos outside the world. It's also. That's because it's happening inside our world.

Yeah.

So there's turmoil. Like tell me what is it? I'm scared. I'm scared I'm gonna be alone. I'm scared I will never see my friends again. I'm scared mom and dad are gonna get sick and die. Like these things are they, you know, they just, they think kids take things very literally too. Very, very literally. So if you say something I can still remember, like if, if you give someone a sucker like my mom give. This is an example. If you give. She gave my mom my brother a certain popsicle and I. And I didn't get one. I immediately in my 7 year old mind think I'm not loved because mom gave him one and not me. So it's really interesting to see how all this stuff and cove is bringing up our inner child stuff. But also with Kids, it's again, where are you not feeling safe? Where are you not feeling seen? There's so much underneath that there's so really get to the heart when you.

Get to the heart of it. Because I'm picturing how this could happen. Is there ever a point where you as a parent should be giving advice or is it always listening and helping them navigate? Like how, when is. Where is that line? Like, do you. So you're going down this road and you find out, okay, it's because I, I feel alone or I miss my friends or I'm connected. Do you then give advice like, well, why don't you do this? Or do you. Do you always stay out of that?

Well, would you like, what if you asked her, what do you need from me? Do you want like that? What do you need? What do you want from me? And then ask also. Yeah, go ahead and give advice. It's also coming from, you know, your past experiences. Right. Your life experiences and, but also like to allow her to feel the freedom to like, make, make her own decisions and, and also like to really connect. Why? Why? It's really not about the social media. This is really something deeper. It's really something about, like I said, it's all. It always comes back to, like, people want to be seen and heard and they want.

I can see that, like, I can.

See that love and attention.

While we're on the topic of electronics and social media, do you know much about the dangers of that for kids?

Yes. What's your take on that flat out comparison? And I feel like that's heavy for women any age. But I definitely have noticed some, some of my clients are on and I notice how they get easily triggered. And myself, I mean, I deactivated my account for three months once. All this happened because I felt the shaming and the judging and I knew it was taking a toll. I felt it in my body. And as soon as I got off, all of my physical symptoms went away. And so I really noticed with that is we get in a habit of thinking they're better or they have more things or why can't I be that way? And what's really, really magical is that kids in us, we all have that magic within us that we have ignored or stifled or we don't even know is in there. And we all have our certain uniqueness we can bring to the world that again, I don't think schools are really embracing. So I really, during this time, and I'm again, I'm kind of going a little bit Further here. But my biggest thing to help kids through this is meditation. And what I mean by meditation is not guided, but, like, sitting still in the room alone by themselves.

How do you get them to do that? Like, I. When I've said that to my daughter, she rolls her eyes at me.

What if you did it with her?

She'd probably roll her eyes at me.

Well, you did it anyway.

Yeah. So, like, what we're doing, you just say, this is what we're doing.

Yeah. And I truthfully, like, here's the thing. You're the model, right. And she's. And she's a reflection of you. So if you actually show. If you want her to be kinder, you get to be kinder. If you want her to be more present, you get to be more present. So these are things, like, if she sees you doing it, Natalie and I know, like, with the advice, it's easy. It's. So we want to help and give that advice. But what if. What if you both just, like, kind of sat in silence together and you maybe even actually. Maybe she sees you do it alone. Maybe you do it first before she.

Sees you doing, like.

Because for you to tell her to do something and you're not doing it, it's kind of like, yeah, okay, cool, Mom. I. Not doing that.

Yeah.

Like, you're telling me to do something, but you won't do it yourself. Like, I just. I think it's really powerful that, like, we can't change anybody, control anybody or anything, and. And we're seeing that now in this world, and the only thing we can control is ourselves. So how do you want to feel better? How do you want to be a better mom?

So interesting. You know, it's. I. And I'm super clear on dangers of social media for kids and adults. And you know what was interesting for me is wanting to change that with my daughter, but then noticing my habits. I'm like, okay, so my business is on social media, but she's watching what I do. So I think that's such an important thing that you're saying that we can't tell our kids not to do something or to do something when we're not ourselves doing it.

I mean, you can, but you're not going to get any results. Yeah, and they won't. And they see right through that. Like, they are so. They are so intuitive that, like, you can tell them one thing and mean another, and they'll be like, they'll call you on your bs, you know, like. And. Yeah, go ahead.

You brought up the dangers that you see with social media is comparison. I have another take on it in addition to comparison with kids, and I'm curious your thoughts on this. So you mentioned that one thing being off from being away from people in real world is you're not learning conflict resolution. You're not having intelligent arguments and conversations. If you think about being at camp or at school, you usually have an adult leading or moderating things. Right. I feel when kids are left to devices and social media and their own little FaceTime groups or whatever it is, there's no adult moderating. And so they're learning from other kids their own age over and over and over again for hours a day. What do you think that creates?

Well, follow the leader. But I mean, I just think about how they're kids and they're just really, like, trying. They don't have boundaries, they don't know boundaries, so they're testing everything. And they actually can be a thousand times meaner online because they don't have. It's so much easier to fight through words than it is through face to face or seeing somebody in person. So I feel like with that, I just think it's gonna be more bullying and just like following and not staying true to who they are because everybody else is doing that well, why wouldn't I do it? It's so much easier to fall into a crowd. That's just my personal opinion. I just see how. How easy kids can get caught up in what someone else is doing based on the Internet. And I. And I. My fear. And again, my fear is, are they rooted in themselves? They can go on the Internet, sure. But if they're not, and they are just grasping for friends and trying to get attention because they're not getting attention at home or. Yeah, like, this is what they resort to.

I'll tell you, I had a really rough time. I made some major changes in my house with my daughter, around social media, around phone, everything. And it was harder for me than I think it was for her initially, because it was, one, I had to model the behavior too. And two, I had to deal with every day, like, not agreeing with me and arguing. But I'll tell you, after being strict with it, I saw a new child emerge.

No kidding.

Yeah. It's like. Yeah. When you take that away, like, I.

Mean, think about what it does. I know what it did to my body. Like, I knew how I was on edge and how I was, like, reactive to everything because of just being on social media. And I'm not even engaging or interacting I was just reading.

Yeah. But it gets worse before. It gets better. For parents listening, like, it's not initially. It's not easy.

No. And I'm so happy to hear that you, like, stood your ground on that. And really.

Yeah. It's not been easy. It's just. It's. It's definitely worth the change, I believe. Okay, my next question is schools. School season starting again, and a lot of kids are not going back to school. A lot of them are going to be remote learning. Some parents are turning to homeschooling. There's a lot of things happening. Pods are being created. What do we do? What's your take? Help.

There's a lot of stuck. This is so good. I actually had this conversation with my cousin who lives an hour north of here, and she's having the same thing where she was talking about her group of friends. We're just going to hire a teacher or somebody to, like, come teach. But my take is definitely. I think. I know it's scary and it's so chaotic right now, but I also think this is exciting that you get to create a better way for your child to learn. And this is coming from someone who was disheartened in a public school where didn't have a lot of freedom with creativity. And I feel like now, again, I know it's scary, but also, like, you. You get to create however you want your child. Like, what the biggest thing I see with education is, is like, let's. Let's teach them how to, like, dream about what they want to do and then embrace their gifts. Because not every kid loves art. What if someone loves to sing? What if someone loves a dance? What if. So I think it's a beautiful time for them to experiment and see what things they love to be creative with. And then also, why can't you learn math from. Why can't you learn, like, math and science and reading from doing the passions that kids love? And I.

So how do you do that, though? Is that a parent taking, like, I don't know enough about homeschool yet. I'm just. Just now learning a lot of this. Like, and I'm still going the process. Do I keep her in our school? Do I pull her and do home? Like, I don't. I don't. I'm still figuring this out myself. So what for parents listening, like, do you feel like, can any parent homeschool? Can that be done?

Yeah. Yeah. And it does take a little bit of time and structure to set up and a lot of flexibility, but I Definitely think with. I just know that if you give that the kids a space to. And I'm not saying like stick them in front of a tv like I'm saying let's get out and dirty outside or like, you know, explore. And I guess every school too has something different. I do know a lot of schools will have their own remote learning program. Like teachers have already created videos and they'll just send it to parents. But go, I mean, go ahead and do that. I don't. I don't think I see any harm in that. But I also, I am so much more about kids learning through what they love to do. And, and there's just a lot. I know here's a scary thing. They not scary. But the hard thing is there's so much out there. I know. I even googled a whole bunch of homeschooling stuff and there was like, I got confused.

It was information overload to me. I didn't know where to start.

Right. So definitely. I mean science and math and reading, but like social studies is like rehashing the past. That's just my opinion. But like we, let's move forward, but we can learn from just nature. And I know this sounds crazy, but like to getting back in tune with what we're really, you know.

Yeah. It's so interesting. I feel like in so many ways the last few months have been such a gift like for me and what, what I. In a lot of areas of my life. But the biggest one is around conscious parenting. I started realizing how much we outsource parenting. Like how much do we blame the school? The teachers like take care dishandle it. And then we're upset that our kids aren't learning or doing what we believe in. Right. But we're outsourcing all that. So to me, what an interesting wake up call around education. And we're complaining about it, but what are we about it?

Yes. And this is where I know I didn't really answer your homeschooling question. So so much I know there's a lot of. There is a lot out there and I think just the bait, like it's really like asking yourself what is. What do you want your kid to learn? And because here's my take on all this too is that we're moving. Schools are very, very based in like, let's just all go to school and be rigid and structure and routine and as if they were going to a factory to work, like industrialization, you know, so it's. We're moving more into entrepreneurship. So why not let kids explore like what they can create and then sell and like build their. Like that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

Again asking yourselves like what, what is important? How to, how to really handle money in real life. Like, and how to. And how to deal with people in a non violent communicative way.

So can you, when you say this like I got. My brain is going with all these things I'd want to teach. But do you. I'm assuming you have to. And again, sorry. Cause I don't know enough about home school yet. Can when you sign up with your state to homeschool.

Yes.

I'm assuming there's a curriculum you have to follow. Is it like. But it's not a way of teaching basically. So you have subjects and things they need to learn, but you can teach it how you want. Is that what I'm hearing?

Yeah. Yeah. Like, and I think everybody's different too from what I've gathered. Even when I was teaching. Like everybody does something different and the kids aren't learning all day long like they would at a typical school. So it is, it is like doing the best you can with what you have like in being very nice to yourself and giving yourself grace. Because again, you did not go to school for this. So I will say like, yes, there is a curriculum and you can follow it. But they will, they could probably like zoom right through it. Like what if, what if they're all on and I don't know. I feel like a lot of them have gone online and very electronic based on. I strongly don't feel that way. But I do know like that's easier to get materials and resources. Like so I definitely with the schools, you can always check in with the school and ask your school. I do know if you have the liberty to do this. I know some private schools are also still going to school full force.

Yeah. My daughter is in private school and that's not okay. It's not happening.

Really. They're not.

Well, we're in California, so they're.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I there. I know there's a school up north that is interesting.

Yeah.

Opening.

So any opinion on you sticking with your school that your child is in and the remote learning versus literally signing up to do like actual homeschool.

Oh, that's a tough one. I mean because I if it's worksheet. I see. I don't know how to. I don't base. I don't know what the teachers are going to give and I know, I know they're like, they're also going to. Going back to school just to be trained on how to do this E. Learning.

Got it. So it's almost like the parents and the teachers are learning at the same time.

Yeah.

You guys would actually homeschool.

Yes. And I. And it sounds like too, there's gonna be a lot more freedom and a lot more time for kids. They won't be. They won't be, you know, studying subjects all day long like they did.

So I'm assuming that a lot's not gonna change in our world anytime soon. So we're probably all dealing with this at least through the first half of this coming school year. What would be your. If we're just going to kind of like boil it down to the most important things with kids right now. What do you want parents to know?

Oh, just to give them. And this is the biggest thing to give them space to be seen and heard. So when they are unruly or loud and obnoxious and, you know, you're trying to do a zoom call and do your work and they're being obnoxious, like, be. They're just like, this is a lot of times their way of, like, dealing with stress and trauma. And they do. They do pick up and feel everything that you are feeling. So whatever is happening in the household, if you're listening to the news 247 and all they're hearing is all the bad stuff, then they're gonna feel that stress and that anxiety themselves. So it's very powerful to see. Check in with yourself. How are you? How are you feeling? How are you showing up? And then your kids are going to mirror that.

Okay, what about how if you have a kid that is extra anxious right now or depressed? Because that's another big thing happening with teens. What do you suggest there?

Yeah. With the depression, a lot of that is ignoring your feelings. Right. You're living in the past. And so we're worried about things that have already happened. So instead, what if. And I have a couple of fun things they can do is actually with somebody else, like partnering up with someone. This would be fun to, you know, to get them on a call with another friend is to pair them up and have them talk about their life as if it already happened. So, like their future. So. And I'm sure you've. You, you know, you and the mindset stuff. You understand what I'm talking about, like, really focusing on. Oh, I remember when I got on that call last week and. And then I got to go out my friends and like, so you're creating your reality for. You're literally creating your own reality.

And so I know it, like, kind of for vision. I talk about that with weight loss, and I love that. I love what my daughter does that. She talks about the movie she's gonna produce or whatever happen, and I watch her light up when she does that.

Also have them do. Like, I remember when I. When I was feeling anxious, I actually, like, sat still with myself, and I just closed my eyes and took a, you know, couple deep breaths, and. And I noticed that everything was fine and everyone was. And I was safe, and I felt good.

So good.

Just, like, really teaching them to, like, they are. They own. They own who they are, and they can control how they feel, and they can control the reality. And it. Yeah, it's all here. It's all here. So they get, like, the more time they sit still with themselves and love themselves. And I mean, so much goodness, Natalie. Like, I do it myself. I mean, these are things that I do myself that I know I am feeling love. I'm feeling positivity. I feel connection. And I don't see that world outside, crazy and chaotic.

So good.

I choose to see what I want to see.

Would you suggest those same tips for anxiety?

Yeah. Yeah. Especially with anxiety, too. Also, another body scan. Like, closing your eyes and asking where. Like, the kids can do this on their own. Close their eyes and what are you feeling? Just start. Just like, I do this in meditation, too. I'll just start saying, I feel anxious. Feel. And don't even say why. Doesn't. Don't even need to know why. I feel scared. I feel like, do this body scan. Feel all the feelings. Oh, I feel supported. I feel my dog on my side. Like, the more that. That's connected them to the here and now, that's connected to them and helping them remember. That's why breath is so important, too, because you're remembering, oh, I'm breathing. What more do I need? I'm fine. Right? I have a roof over my head. I have a heartbeat. You know, I'm still breathing, and I'm not even trying to make myself breathe. It's just doing it on its own. I think that's pretty miraculous.

Okay, one more question about all of this, because this is what's coming up for me. So especially with teenagers, I think kids would be very, very receptive to this. But when you get to the age like, 12, 13 and older, they. A lot of times they shut us down. They're like, I don't want to do This I don't want to. They want to ignore. How do you suggest we handle that conversation? So I'm just imagining, like, telling, you know, someone telling their teenager, well, I want you to do a body scan and close your eyes, and they're going, mom, that's so dumb. Or that's so cheesy. Like, do we just say, well, we're doing it anyway? Or, like, how do we handle that?

Right. Well, again, showing them. You get to do it with them. But also, what if you said, okay, you get to talk, to call a friend and let's do this together. Let's all do this together. Or also, let her go ahead and let her. Let her pretend that she's doing it, but also, like, let her feel that because, again, she's in charge of her. She has a feeling of control and that she's in charge of her life. But ask her why. And that's the most important thing, Natalie, is to like, well, what do you really want? What is it that you want? Like, okay, so let's talk about this. So you want more friends. You want to see your friends. You want to go outside. You want. You don't want to have to wear a mask, right? So what if I said. Or you want more friends and you wanted to get better grades? Like, what if I said you kind of have to give a reason why she has to do it? So if you're feeling like crap, go sit still. That's. You're gonna. You're gonna feel better. You'll feel better after you do this. You'll feel more connected to. You'll get all these ideas to, like, maybe you'll want to go create something really new and cool, like a new dance. I don't know. I used to do that all the time. Just, like, get her. You can't make someone do something, but if you ask, you got to get to that. Why again? Why does she. Why do you want her to do this? Well, I want you to stop feeling that anxiety in your body. I want you to stop feeling fear. I don't want you to be on the electronics, but I want you to. I really want you to connect to you, because all those things are outward again, it's all outside of her. So if you ask her again, it just. How about this? What if she even like to even, like, write a gratitude list? You know, writing all the things that you're grateful for, because. Yeah, I know you want to do all these things right now, but let's focus on what you have already.

So good. So helpful today.

Is it? Okay, great. I feel like I'm saying the same thing.

No, it's good. It's good. I probably need to ask it a hundred times. This is so good. Okay. Where do people, if they want to learn more, where do they find you?

Oh, yes. So I am on. I have my own website. It's www.jamielkrum.com and it's K R O M M and they can find me there mostly. I've kind of took a sit backseat right now. Off. I am definitely not on Instagram. I am on Facebook somewhat. But you will definitely interact with me more through my website and you can contact me through my email there.

So awesome. Thank you so much for doing this today.

Oh, it was so. This is like my favorite thing to talk about. If you couldn't tell. I get so excited about.

That's great. You're passionate. It's awesome.

Yeah.

Thank you. It's very needed conversation right now. Thank you.

Oh, let me know if you need anything. I'm here for you.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen in as my guest today. If you found this episode valuable, please share it with friends and on social media. I don't advertise, so I rely on word of mouth and reviews to get it out in the world. The biggest thank you that you can give me is leaving me a review and a nice one. I hope, by the way, this is how others find these episodes. If you do leave me a review, be sure to Message me@supportnataliejofitness.com with a screenshot of your review because I would love to send you a free digital download of my DSR journal as a thank you. And please, please don't forget to connect with me on social media at Natalie Jill Fit on Instagram and Facebook.