221: What Happens When Pre-Teens Get Their Hands on Social Media with Penelope Gonzalez

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned lifestyle and high performance coach. When odds are stacked against us, how.

Do we shift and create everything from nothing?

How do we level up when we aren't feeling it yet or have had a big setback? And how do we adjust quickly when life throws us major curveballs? On this podcast, I do what I do best. Taking complicated information that is relevant to us now and breaking it down simply with actionable steps. Steps you can implement to level up your own life. I also regularly interview some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on the planet who at their worst, learn how to achieve success greater than they ever dreamed possible. Leveling up, creating everything from nothing. If you are new here, I encourage you to go back and listen from episode one for the full transformative experience. What happens when preteens get their hands on smartphones and social media? Well, insecurity, anxiety, comparison, depression, addiction and even lying can start to spin out of their control now. This might be one of the hardest interviews I have ever done. In this episode I have my favorite human being, my own daughter. When her personality started to drastically change as she approached age 13, I soon realized it was not the normal hormonal and junior high pressure. Here's what I discovered. This is how I'm responsible, what she's learned, and what we are doing moving forward. Now, if you're a parent, please don't put your head in the sand for this one. This may be hard for you to hear and to even believe your child is capable of this, but it is a critical episode today on Leveling Up. I've got my absolute favorite person in the whole world as a guest today. Any guesses? Any guesses? It's my daughter, my one and only daughter, my daughter Penelope. She's 13 and I'm so grateful that she's open to having this conversation today because we're going to be talking about technology, teens and social media and what happened to her as a 13 year old with this.

And it's so dramatic.

So dramatic. She said it's. And the changes we've made and what she's learned because of it. And I think it's. We've been talking a lot to each other about this and we thought this would be a great topic to share with others. So thank you, Penelope for being open to doing this.

Thank you for having me. Oh my gosh. It feels like a real interview. It is a real interview. I love it.

So when Penelope was. We were just trying to figure out you were 10 or 11. When you got your first cell phone?

I would say 11, because that's when I got, like, my first, like, real. Real.

So. So we waited till she was about 11 years old, which is still early for a lot of people.

Sixth grade.

Sixth grade. But a lot of her friends had them, and we gave her a cell phone at that time, and we had a lot of restrictions on it. We were. She wasn't allowed to just do social media.

I had TikTok.

She had two social media accounts. She had YouTube and she had TikTok.

I got TikTok when it, like, first came out, like, when it was musically. And then it turned into, like. That's when I had it. Yeah. So I've had it since, like, 2017.

Yes. So since 2017. Now my daughter is very. She's a singer. She's an act. Loves creating and video editing. So TikTok was. It started out as a really fun thing.

It was musically. It was musically. So it was just, you know, Cringe. Cringe. Yes.

You know, and then she continued to ask, like, almost every day, when can I have Instagram? When can I have Instagram? When can I have Instagram? When can I have Snapchat? And we all. Penelope has four parents. She's got me and her dad. And then, you know, I'm remarried to Brooks, my husband. And her. She's got a stepmom. So she's got four parents. And she continually asked all of us for social media. And we all said, we.

What do we say? We said no. Well, yeah, we said no until. Until, like, eighth grade. I could have it. I'm in eighth grade now, but got it.

So we had some rules around tick tock and social media and cell phone. Yeah, she was supposed to turn in her phone every night around.

No, that was after I got it taken away for the first time. I had it, like, full privilege until my grades dropped. And then they, like, put.

We put restrictions on it. And then we were like. We let you have tick tock for 30 minutes a day was the rule.

So painful.

Okay, okay, so what happened was the next. This is where it gets important. So now, keep in mind, my daughter is a very smart girl. She's very resourceful. But we found out she had a trap phone, AKA burner phone. She had a burner, AKA trap phone that she had been hiding from us. And on this trap phone, there was Snapchat and all kinds of hours logged on a cell phone. So. So, okay, so I'm gonna go back up. So, Penelope, how did you get this Phone. Because that's the first thing people want to know. How did you get this trapped phone?

Okay, so I was going through at mama and dada's house, so my dad's house and my stepmom's house. I was going through my like nightstand drawer. I was cleaning out stuff and then I found this old phone and I was like, oh my gosh, like this is here. Like this is still here. So like I wasn't planning to do anything on it. And then I went through it and I was like, oh, I have to delete everything. So I don't know why, but I was like really mad because I. One thing that I used to do all the time before I got my phone taken away for the very first time, that's before you guys put all the restrictions on it was I was always known to be up super late. I still am, but we don't talk about it. I would always talk to my friends, like pull all nighters with them, like always stay up talking to them. Like I was just a huge night owl. And when I got taken away, I couldn't talk to them at night at all. So I was just always up just kind of staring at my ceiling. Like, what? Like this is boring. So I had an idea where I don't really know how this came to be, but I downloaded Snapchat on this phone because I didn't want to like text them because then it would show up on my actual phone. They'd be like, how did this get there? Like I didn't want to. You know, I'm just spilling all my secrets at this point.

Did you know? Okay, so when you. Cuz I'm assuming there's other kids that do this type of thing that they sneak a phone. Is that okay? Is that a true thing?

Well, I know people who did it. Like, while I had it, I would always see tiktoks like my mom catching me with my trap phone or just like how they got like caught with it. And I'm like, oh, other people had it too. But I never like thought I was getting caught with it because at first it started out to be like, oh, I was just going to talk to people like on Snap and this phone through nighttime, that's the only time I was going to do it. And then towards the end it got really addictive and I couldn't stop talking to people.

Okay, so I've got a lot of questions about that and this is going to be really helpful for people. So thank you for doing this. Did you know that it was something wrong while you were sneaking this phone?

Yes. I always felt terrible about it.

Okay, how did you hide it from us? Like, what was that like? Because you were literally hiding. You would turn in your actual cell phone at 9 o' clock at night and then you'd have this sneaky phone. So tell me about that.

I'm getting like ptsd. When you first caught me with that phone, like, I'm like, okay, I can't believe I'm going to share this to all the parents out there. I feel like I'm spilling the kids secrets. I feel so bad about this. Okay, sorry. To all the kids out there, I'm sorry that I'm doing this, but I would either hide it under my pillow or hide it. Like, I would hide it underneath my bed. Cause there was a charger there that I used to have for my actual phone. And then. So.

So from my perspective, what was happening was this is right when quarantine was starting. And I started noticing a change in Penelope. I started noticing a change in her where she was like, overtired a lot. She was super moody and cranky. And she was all of a sudden really, from my perspective, really concerned with her image all of a sudden. And she was even dressing different, like, so I noticed that for someone 13 years old, she started looking older, like dressing different, more critical of her looks, and much more emotional. She's always been in touch with her emotions, but you were much more anxious and in touch with your emotions and really consume with stuff. And. And I would check her actual cell phone and I would think, okay, well, she's on her regular cell phone this amount of time. She's on TikTok 30 minutes a day. She stopped creating YouTube videos, which is something you were really good at doing. And I didn't understand what was going on. And as a parent, I overheard her say, friend, one day I will snap you later. And I said to her, I remember that day. Why did you say, I'll snap you later? And you said, penelope said, that's what we call texting each other. And it was just like this first little glimpse of. Aha. So I looked on your phone that night to see if I saw Snapchat. I didn't. And I assumed, okay, she's telling the truth. So I gave you this little, like, insight to that. So. So what happened was as we. My phone, I looked at your regular phone. So as we. As we. I kept seeing this, this downward spiral in your behavior, though. So it was.

I have a lot to say about that.

Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

And it's gonna be kind of long. Parents beware. Because this is. If you have a daughter, this is probably the scariest moment. One thing that came with Snapchat was I was talking to like 10 guys at once. And I know that seems really bad, but I will say that I was a full on player. I literally would, like, even if I didn't think the guy was cute, I was looking for a lot of like, oh, you're so pretty, you're so gorgeous. Because I was like, really, really ins, basically. I just, I guess it started off like one or two guys that I was like, oh, they think I'm cute. Like, I'll just, you know, I generally kind of thought they were cute. And I would just tell them because, you know, like, I just wanted to see what would happen. And like, I wasn't really gonna meet up with them when I was like, oh, yeah, like, I can't wait to see you. Like, but that would never really happen. And I was always so concerned, like, oh, what if one day they don't think I'm pretty? What if one day they don't think I have good style? What if one day they leave me for another girl? Like, that was one of, like, my main concerns with guys. So I was super, like, insecure. Like, I have to dress this way, I have to act this way, I have to look this way and.

But you learned all this because of Snapchat, right?

Yeah, but also because I guess what I could say is I went through a very, very, very, very hard breakup, which my mom knows about, in about June, a month before I got caught. And that's when I really started to, like, act different. I don't know if you remember that, but that's like when my mom heard me say, I'll snap you later. That's when I started acting a lot different. Because since this breakup, I. The person that broke up with me gave me a lot of like, the. What I needed, like, the, oh, I'll always be here for you. Like, I care for you, like, just that guess love in a way where I really felt, cared for, needed for, because I'd known this person for like, literally almost a year. And I tried to find that in other people, but like other guys, but I didn't. And it was. It was really hard. So I was very insecure. The change.

So what's interesting is that when I was 13 and we would date a guy or like somebody in school, we didn't have this extra after hours kind of social media or phone access. And we. So we didn't have this whole comparison world or this extra conversation. So when I found this trap phone of Penelope's and we looked at the time, there was about nine hours a night that she was sneaking on social media at night.

I feel like I'm being caught all over again.

Like, this is like, well, this is actually.

This is helpful because literally sweating over you. Like, I'm like, shaking.

So. So nine hours a night. So if you want to think about this, and believe me, I went through all the I'm a bad parent conversations because this is like, I never let her have a cell phone to look at nine hours a day or social media. And she was sneaking this at night. So the reason I wanted to do this, I. She's. She's feeling it now is there's. There's been a massive transformation. So what I wanted to talk about Penelope, and let's continue kind of here.

Is that so much more to talk about. I know.

I know you do. So I want to understand what was it like living in this secret world with social media access and cell phone access all the time, and then once we took it away, I want to talk about what that looked like because you went through an actual depression with that and literally breaking an addiction. Like, you literally went through breaking an addiction. And then I want to talk about what life looks at, like, now. So we can start with like, so what did it look like being stuck in that? Being in the secret, in the secretive world of, like, constantly checking Snapchat, constantly trying to keep up with that?

It was. I would say it was the best, but actually like, the worst thing ever. So. Ok, here's the thing. All of my friends, like, all of them have Snapchat. And it was the one thing that my friends were like, oh, like, you need to get. You need to get. Like, besides Instagram, everyone was like, ask me when I would get it. So when I got this, I met. Not, like, okay, so most of, like, a friends, like friends of my, like, best friends, like, added me on there. And then I ended up becoming, like, close with them. And, like, I would. I have like, probably like, met them before, but like a quick meet in person. Like, you know, I never added back people that I didn't know. I never, ever, ever, ever did that. It's always someone that I had at least met or seen in person that I was like, all right, like, I. So I didn't do that. So that's the one thing that I know you. But at first it literally wasn't that bad. Like, it was only at night. I wasn't on it that much. Like, I would only probably talk to, like, four or five people at a time. I would ignore most things I didn't do. Like, the basic thing was like, oh, do your streaks have a private story? Like, I never did that. About a month and a half in, I started using it, like, over here. I would use it when I go watch the sunset. I would go to the lake with it. If I went alone, like, I would go. I would just kind of always have it on me. That's why I started wearing pants a lot more with pockets, so I could, like, hide it in there. That's why I was always using your portable charger to charge that phone.

Did you know you. Did you feel addicted to it? Did you feel like you couldn't stop?

Yeah, at one point. At one point, I remember I was like that one person that I was talking about. I went to break up through every single time I got a notification from him, it's instant. Like, he wouldn't respond for like an hour. But it was just always me, like, constantly.

So it almost make you obsessive, like, checking. And it was. Yeah.

And that's what happens with Snap. Everyone always just goes on it. Like, last active five minutes ago. Last act of five minutes ago. Like, everyone's always checking things. And I was just. Like, I noticed it in my friends now too. Like, I noticed it how, like, literally you could have just snapped people, turned off your phone the next two seconds, just on it again just to see what would happen.

So when you got caught, when we caught you, because we had a full, basically sting operation over here. When I caught the phone, we. We caught the phone and me and her stepmom confronted her. And.

Worst moment of my life.

Well, scary. Say that. Then it was, then it was. But now we've had some breakthroughs around.

Well, yeah, it was really scary because, like, I was like, oh, my gosh, are they gonna find out about this? Are gonna find out about that? And then I was like, bawling my eyes out.

So when we found it and took it from you, what happened those first two weeks? Because I was scared on my side, because I saw how depressed you got, and I could see that it was a real addiction. So I'm just curious from your perspective, what was going on.

First two weeks, I gotta. Can't believe I'm about to say this. I was looking for workarounds. I was always looking for, okay, what if I grabbed this phone what if I do this, I need to talk to that person. I need to tell this person I like. I was.

And you did. You literally snuck on my computer, stuck on my phone. I had to change my passwords and everything because she. It was. It reminded me of somebody that's hiding, like a drug addict addiction or hiding, like alcohol addiction. Like, she would. I caught her three times in two weeks sneaking on, like, sneaking on my.

Devices and on my Apple Watch where I texted people.

Did you know it was wrong while you were doing it?

Well, okay, so basically, when you were, like, really upset that I did it, I always felt, like, awful. I was like, oh, why did I do that? That was so stupid. Like, I felt. I genuinely felt awful that I did it. I was like, I didn't mean to hurt you, but when I did it, I was being really selfish, and I was only thinking about me and my friends, and, like, I didn't want to lose that. So I text people. And then you would just, like, you started crying at one point, and I was like, oh, my God, I did that. And then I would be like, okay, well, how about we do this way so that way mom won't find out, she won't get hurt, and I can still talk to people. And then you found out again, you were even more hurt. And I was like, okay, then I should probably stop. So when I finally stopped looking for workarounds, I would stay in my room all day. I had food up there all the time. I was just.

Which, by the way, she's not allowed to have either. So that was still.

Well, I stopped that. But I. I don't want to say gained a lot of weight, but I was eating a lot because I. In those three months, I didn't eat that much because I wanted to be skinny. And I still struggle.

You're saying in the months that you were on social media. That's interesting that she just brought that up. So. So body image became. I noticed it was a really unusual thing with you. All of a sudden when you were living on that social media for three months, you were like. All of a sudden, she was dressing different. Like, you were dressing clothes. You were wearing more makeup. You were like, you wanted to. You weren't obsessed with being skinny. You had all these, like, things where I would look at you and go, my gosh, you're beautiful. You're gorgeous. You don't. What do you. What is happening? So it's interesting. Do you see that now that. How social media sort of did that?

I wouldn't say I was wearing tight clothes. I've always. Okay. I've always had really baggy style. That's. I love street style. That's, like, the one thing that I like having, like, Aaliyah. Like, not really Billie Eilish, but I have street styles. I always have something that's baggy. Besides me right now because I'm literally sweating. But I. I guess I was wearing. I wouldn't say I was wearing more makeup. I wasn't, like, foundation contour. Like, I wasn't that. I was just mascara, highlight, and, like, concealer. Like, I would wear that, but I would always put so much effort into it. Like, if it doesn't look perfect, redo it. Like, I was always doing that. I guess I would wear tighter tops. That's the only thing that I wore that was tight. I was always taking pictures because I never wanted to miss, like, golden hour. I remember one time I got so upset that I had missed good lighting. And I remember mom being like, it's. You could get it tomorrow. And I was like, no, because this is the only day that I look good. And I was, like, really mad about it. Got it. But I was. Yeah, I was really insecure about my body, and I still kind of am in a way, but it's, like, gotten a lot better. Like, it's not to the point where I feel like I need to be, like, so skinny. Like, I've realized that, like, my body's fine the way it is, but I'm. I think everyone has that one thing where they're just like, oh, I wish I could be a little better.

So when you went through those two weeks of the withdrawal, like, when we took it, and you were busting through this addiction with all of that, and you were. And by the way, we did work with a therapist. She was great about going to that and talking through it.

I just kind of complained to her. Her, if I'm being honest.

But we did seek help for this. When did it flip? Like, when did it go from depressed and anxious and I need to sneak and get my fix to, like, wow, this is, like, I can kind of embrace this and see the other side of this.

Well, I was really depressed. I would say that I was always in my room. I was crying myself to sleep every single night.

Because you miss your friends in the social media.

I miss my friends. I missed the guy that I was talking to because I was so close with him. Literally on the ipod. They gave me, like, an ipod. Listen to music. Because, like, I cannot live without music. Like, I Listen. Music so much. Like, it's scary, like, but I. I guess I was just. I was just so depressed. Like, literally, I. I don't know how to put it. You saw me, I was stuffing my face, crying. Like, it was just bad. And then I think one night. I don't know how to put it. I was with a friend, and she had, like, show me what was going on with my friends. This is, like, the first time I got a sauce get to see someone. And I'd realized that this whole entire world was, like, just going on without me because I guess I felt like, oh, no one can live without me. Like, that sounds really selfish, but I felt like I had this. I thought, like, everyone was missing me or something. And it's. That's because that's the person that I became. And I sound so, like, rude and snobby about, like, when I say that, but that's kind of how I felt. And I just. I don't know. I think it was more of him that I thought was missing me. And he didn't. Not like everyone else, but I felt like it was specifically him. So that was the last night I think I ever cried was that night. And that was about two months ago. And then ever since that day, my mind just kind of started to get away from him. And I think I realized that night, like, how do I. How do I put this? I haven't had any time to realize who I was during those three months during being with him, during. I told my mom, actually, this yesterday in the car, that when I become so attached and so loved, like, loving someone, I become them because I feel like I need them all the time that I become them. Like, it happened with one of my friends two years ago. I started to become her, and then she dropped me, and then I was better afterwards. And me and her friends were, like, best friends now. But then it was these two YouTubers that I've been watching for six years. Ethan and Grace and Dolan. I still love them a lot, but I was getting so addicted to them. And I started becoming them, like, dressing like them in a way, you know, listening to the music. And I. Then they quit YouTube. They start. They stopped posting on Tuesdays. They post again now. But, like, they said they were gonna stop doing that. And I was broken. And then I was like, okay, I don't need them to live. And then it happened with the guy. I literally became him. Sneaking stuff, doing bad things, you know, just all that stuff. And then I had no time where he ended things for Me to find myself. I just got my phone taken away and I thought everything would be okay after, but that was like the breaking point. And I was like, I've had no time to find out who I am these past three years, and it's time. So then for the past month and a half or two months, you could say I've had a lot of time without. Without a phone and without social media and without seeing all these other people who are quote, unquote, better than you, prettier than you. I say that because there's you're you and you're perfect the way that you are and like, you're loved. But I thought that I wasn't. I didn't think I was pretty enough of that girl on my for you page on TikTok. I didn't think I was pretty as that, as my friend on Snapchat. Like, I was so down about it. And I, you know, without a phone, you just don't really have the time to think about that stuff. And you just have time to think about who am I and like, what do I want? Wow.

So when you look at it now, like, I know you obviously want she. It's been over three months without her phone right now, and we've let her use our phone to talk to friends or facetime with friends, but there's not been any social media. How do you would you say that your confidence has changed without social. I know you miss social media, but how would you talk specifically about your confidence and your style and being you?

I haven't seen any girls on my for you page where I will literally just be like, I want a body like hers. I wish I had hair like hers. Like, I wasn't. I'm not like that anymore. I mean, I don't want to say that because I know there's some times I'm like, oh, I wish I was as pretty as my friend. Like, you know, But I think I've grown to learn that. Like, I've come across so many times on Snapchat where it'll be like, I guess 2am And I'm snapping people and then my friend, she'll send me a snap and she's like bawling her eyes out and I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, I'm always that therapist friends, that group. I'm always there to tell that I love them so much. Like, leaving them paragraphs about how they matter. Like, you know, I just, I love my friends with all my heart. So I get so upset when they Start crying. And this is about one of my friends. She was bawling her eyes out, and she sends me SAP. She goes, I wish I had a body like yours, and I wish I was as pretty as you. And I was like. I was like. I was genuinely so confused. Like, what? No, no. And she goes, like, dude, you have no idea. Like, and it happened with at least five friends of mine who have sent me snaps crying because they want to look like me. And I was like, dude, no, I want to look like you. And that's like.

So are you realizing that even it's not just what you're seeing on Snapchat, it's what we're putting out there that's affecting how people feel?

Well, yeah, but also, I think I had a lot of time to realize, like, there's so many people who, like, tell me that I'm so pretty, and I never took that in. And, like, I think I finally took it in. And, like, all my friends are so gorgeous. Every single one of them, like, could literally be Vogue models for, like, Paris. And I guess I just never thought I was one of them. And they would always tell me how pretty I was, and I'd be like, shut up. I'm not like, shut up. No. Like, I'm so ugly. Like, I'm a rat. And, like, I would, you know, always kind of joke around about that. But, like, what's that called? Like, Law of Attraction. I started to feel that way. And so the past three months, I think I was like. I think it was one day I looked in the mirror and I didn't have any makeup on, and. And I was like, maybe I am pretty. And I was like, you know, have one of those cheesy little moment, movie, like, movie moments. I can't speak. I was like, okay, maybe I am pretty in a way. And, like, I started to feel a little bit better about it. So each day, like, I've gotten a little bit better about me feeling pretty. I've gotten to embrace my natural hair. I have very curly hair, so I've usually embraced that about my style, too. I watched the movie about Aaliyah, and I remember the entire time I was adoring her style. So I got a lot of clothes, like, hers just baggy. And I wasn't, like, becoming her, but it gave me a lot of time to realize, like, oh, I like that. Because I thought that if I dress super street style with Jordans and baggy pants and a baggy T shirt and a bandana, like, everyone would be like, why Is she dressing like that? Why is she so baggy? Like, I.

You were worried about what other people would think because they would see you on social.

Yeah. And now I've just learned to not really give a crap. I'm not gonna cur.

Now. What about your strength? Because one thing, another thing I had noticed big time with you is you're such a talented singer and artist and you're great at acting and you had stopped practicing your gifts while you were on social media.

Oh, I have a good explanation for that.

Let's talk about that.

All my friends, not my. Okay, not my friends. How do I put it? I don't know how to put things because I'm awkward. So basically the people in my class at the time at my old school would always make fun of me for having my YouTube channel. And I never cared about it. Until one day I had posted on my Snap story, like, hey, I have a new video. I'll like swipe up. And there are a lot of. I got a lot of views on it for sure. But I also was like, I remember some like, guys that I knew from like this middle school were like, lol, you have like this YouTube channel. Like, why? That's cringy. And I was like, f you, you know, But I think I just got really insecure about it. Cuz like, I was like, what if this is never gonna work out? Like, what if everyone thinks I'm weird for doing that? Like, I put so much time and effort into editing and I was like, oh, this is not worth it. Like, I hate this video. I don't like it. I was so judgmental towards myself because.

Of what they were saying.

Yeah. But there were so many of my friends who like, I met, who like, I got to know really, really close on Snap were like sending me videos of them dying of laughter, like wheezing from my videos and them telling me how much they love my videos. And I was like, oh, thank you. But I would pay more attention to like, like the guys that I knew in person who were like, you're so cringey. You're so cringy. And I used to never care about that stuff, like ever. Until like that moment, I guess. And then for singing, I thought people would think I was weird for doing that too. I was cringy for doing that. And I had never really wanted to be a normal kid. I always wanted to one day sell out Madison Square Garden or, you know, go on the red carpet, win an Oscar or Grammy or just. Those were like, always my biggest Dreams. And I guess in that, that time I none it. I nunnied. What is the word? Nunnied. I wanted none of it. I didn't want it. I wanted to.

Because you care what other people thought too much.

Yeah. Like I wanted to have a quote unquote normal life. And you know me, I never to.

Fit in, to fit in with what people were saying.

That was like I, I wanted to be people's expectations.

Interesting. So, okay, so looking back now, like she's told me that she's actually as much as she hated that time getting caught, she was glad she got caught. She realizes she was spinning.

I got over a guy. Like I've had time to find myself.

So what do you want kids listening or parents now to know about social media?

Okay, Snapchat isn't that bad. I just have to say yes, it can be addictive. But all, all these parents were their main concern is, oh my gosh, there's going to be creepy guys adding my kid, like all that stuff. But here's the thing. You can see who adds you and you can either block them. Like you can't be friends with someone on social media until you add them back on Snapchat. So that's why I only added people that I knew. Most people, like kids my age only say like, hey, Snapback. Or like do you want to start streaks? Just like get their like snap score up. Which is kind of stupid. But it's not that bad. The only thing is, well, you're now.

You'Re in sales mode of why it's not that bad. But what you just went through this whole thing of how it creates esteem issues and it made you depressed and it's addictive.

So I feel like a mom's gonna like, they're gonna be like this kid out there who's like, hey mom, like can I have Snapchat? And the mom's gonna p this podcast episode to be like, see a kid your age thought the same thing. So if a kid your age is agreeing with me, then no, like I feel like it's gonna happen. So.

Okay, well you can't, you can't worry about that. You know, for you it's, it was.

Really bad for my self esteem. I spiraled because of breakups, self image problems. I was really insecure talking to several guys at once. And I can even notice it in my friends now. Like one of my closest, closest, closest best friends in the entire world. She got a phone Instagram established she had like kind of all at once. And like I Don't even know her at this point anymore. Yeah.

Like do you think that most parents are not aware of how much the kids are doing social media and so.

And I don't know cuz I know that there's like some of my friends like know that their kids on social a lot and I mean there's a lot of friends of mine who like stay true to themselves. Like one of my best friends, I don't know if I should mention her name but she, she's like stay true to herself. Like I've known her for four years. She got Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok. Like she has all the stuff. Stuff. She's the exact same person that I've known for four years. Like not like, I mean, yeah, she's matured but like she hasn't like changed from social media.

But you've also seen a lot of kids lose themselves in it.

Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Like I lost myself in it. It was really bad.

But I think you're back to being a 13 year old and you're back to being happy and you're actually having great connected conversations with people without worrying about what people think so much. Yeah, yeah, I think those are all pluses.

Yeah, I guess.

See she, she half wants to do this podcast but she half is like, can I have my phone back? Well, thank you for sharing this today. I think it was very helpful. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen in as my guest today. If you found this episode valuable, please share it with friends and on social media. I don't advertise this this show, so I rely on word of mouth and reviews to get it out in the world. The biggest thank you that you can give me is leaving me a review and a nice one.

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