A Top Psychologist's 5-Step Method for Negative Thoughts

What if everything going on physically in our body was connected to what's going on mentally in our brains? And what if you could make sense of all of your negative thoughts and be able to make sense of them and then because you could make sense of them, you could change them and make them go away. We've got a lot to talk about today because I've got one of the top three psychologists in New York, Dr. Yasmin Saad. And she told me that even though her last name spells Satan Sad, it actually means quite something different in her language. It means happy. So I'm excited to have this chat today because midlife mental health is something we do not actually talk enough about. We talk about things like we just, we label it, we say it's depression or it's empty nest syndrome, but we don't really talk about it. And what I see, at least with what I do every day, is all these things going on in our bodies and we're sitting here trying to figure out is it hormones, is it this, is it that? And I think it's all connected. So we have a great conversation today. So thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited about our conversation.

So I have so many questions, I don't even know where to start. But I'm just gonna, I'm gonna jump right in. You had told me that you had this incredible TED talk which I have not watched yet, but I will by the time this, this airs that you said it was all about making sense of your negative thoughts. So let's, let's start there. Cuz that's, that's a big one. And I think we all have negative thoughts from the time we're a little kid till till now. We all have them. Let's talk about it.

Yes, we all have them. Yet most of us, you know, don't ask ourselves the question of why this particular thought, why this one versus another one. So in my TEDx, I explain how, you know, negative thoughts stick because there's a bit of an inner crack within. Basically when you are out of balance, out of harmony, and there's a little crack, something you haven't built internally, a negative comes in. So for example, if you're not so sure about your self esteem, you don't have a solid self esteem, you're going to have all kinds of negative thoughts about self esteem. You're going to start thinking you're not good enough, you're going to start thinking things around that. If you have Low confidence about your beauty, then it's going to go on your beauty. Basically what I call the inner crack. The moment you're not 100% convinced of something, then the negative can get in. And there's three ways, really the negative get in. One is you're not 100% convinced, so you have some doubt. The other is you decide to give it weight. So somebody gives you a comment about, oh, you know, your sweater is not pretty, and you decide, oh, maybe she's right, maybe it's not. So you have that, but you decide to give this person weight, their opinion, some weight. So sometimes most people do that when they have a parent that they admire or a colleague where they think, oh my God, their opinion is priceless, and they tell you something, you're like, oh, maybe they're right. So it's giving it weight. And the third one is you give weight for it to go away. Like, you know when somebody tells you something negative constantly, constantly, constantly, and then you're like, yes, okay, you're right, you know, and you say yes to it because you want it to go away. Those are the three way negative gets in. You have doubt yourself. You don't have a hundred percent. You're not 100% sure. You have the cracks within. You decide to give it weight because you admire the person, you admire their opinion, or you decide to give it weight to really shut the person up. Basically, those are the three way the negative gets in.

So, like, for example, you. I'm just gonna make sure we're understanding here. So, like, if you believe you're. I'm just gonna pick it really, right now. Like, you're overweight and you're. You obvious. Go start with that. You're overweight. You have this belief that nothing's going to work. You can't fix that. And you're saying. So you're, you're going to have this doubt yourself. And now you're having validation somewhere, these cracks. And then someone else tells you or acknowledges that and you're giving that weight and that kind of locks it in. Is that.

Yes.

Okay.

Yes. I'm going to give you a concrete example.

Yes.

Let's say I believe I'm pretty, you tell me I'm ugly. It's not going to do anything to me. I'm going to be wondering, are you mean to me? Like, are you jealous? What's going on? Like, I'm going to be wondering about your intention, but nothing about my beauty is going to enter that. Negative thought is not going to enter it's not going to stick. But if I have doubt and I'm, I feel like, you know what? I have a beautiful mouth, but my nose is ugly. And you tell me I'm ugly, then I'll be like, maybe she's right. Maybe my nose, maybe my mouth. And if I really believe I'm ugly, then I have two reaction. How dare you? And I get hurt and I get triggered and I'm upset with you, or I take it up on myself. Oh, my gosh, she's so right. I'm so ugly. So this is how the negative gets in. They need to be a crack within for it to come. If you're 100% sure and secure, it doesn't enter. Like, for me, you know, I'm a good psychologist, you tell me I'm a bad psychologist. It just doesn't. Like, those are identities that I built and I'm fully confident. So people who are overweight and you tell them, oh, wow, you're overweight, if they're overweight, doesn't bother them. If they're 100% accepting of their overweight, they'll say, yeah. And I mean, it doesn't do anything. But if they have negative emotion related to their overweight, they'll be like, oh my God, you're so insensitive. Or, you know what's making sense?

What, what you're saying? I'm thinking about, and this is a little bit different, but I'm thinking about people that post online. So sometimes. And I think of women that say, like, I want to do a business or I want to start something, but I'm worried about. People think, or they're. They get really, really offended by negative comments. And I always thought, well, if you're telling something that you really believe, if you're posting something that's your truth, that you really believe, there's no doubt you don't care about the comments, but where we care about them is just like what you said. When you're posting something, maybe you don't fully believe or you have your own doubt, so it really aligns. It's like an integrity thing. So when you are really clear about your true values, your beliefs, other things can't get in. But when you're not, those cracks are what start sealing this.

Correct. And for the online comments, sometimes, if you have a desire to be liked, therefore you're insecure in that, then the negative comment will affect you. Although you know your content is solid, so sometimes it's other things, but it has to have an inner crack.

Wow. Okay, I want to talk about some of the. Really, there's like some significant things in midlife that consume women especially because it's mostly my listeners with these negative thoughts. And I'm gonna just bring attention to, to the three top of mind. One, money seems to be a big one. And, and I say that one because I feel that I hear this a lot with women. Like they've, they've reached midlife and maybe they didn't plan quite the way that they had or they didn't create what they thought. And it starts, they start to feel like, like time's running out. And so money is a big topic and they have negative thoughts around their own. Like what they can do, what they didn't do, all of that. I'm gonna, I'm tell you all three topics and then you can kind of tell me if I'm on these are on point and then how do we address them? The other one, I think is becoming an empty nester. There's a lot around that, not just the change of identity, but then now questions about were you a bad parent? Where did you do? Like, are you, did you raise your kids right? Or is what's happening with your kids your fault? Like, there's a lot of negative thoughts there. And then the other one is around aging, just aging in general. Beliefs and negative thoughts around that. Are those three things that you see or tell me if I'm completely off the mark on those.

No, you're totally right 100%. Like what, what happened is middle age, you transition from your creative age where you're procreating, you're giving birth, you're giving birth to idea, to companies, to children. And so middle age, you're more at the age of okay, now we're no longer in that stage. We're more at the stage of preparing for the future. So more safety. So more so we are into figuring out, taking inventory of what we created and what is going to take us in the future. So therefore, wherever there are cracks, as I call them, negative thoughts will come. So if financially you have not planned something safe for you, automatically you're going to have thoughts. Will I be safe? Well, how I didn't think about retirement, what's going on? And those negative thoughts always point to unmet desires. So some people have guts. They have no problem about not having safety, not having financial cushion. They feel they'll always be fine. But the people who really like want to have this safety will have negative thoughts about it. So definitely the money piece for those who want Safety, want something easy, comfortable for the future. The other, you pointed the empty nester. So you pointed two piece about it. One is the vacuum, the change of identity. It is a change of identity. You spent again a big portion of your life creating, providing, and now suddenly you don't have that role. So what do you do? What do you do with a vacuum? And in the vacuum. So that's something that the mind does. Whenever there's empty spaces, the mind releases all the stress. So what? How does it look like your mind will be bombarding you with negative thoughts in the emptiness, you're going to start thinking about, oh, the house is not organized. Is my kid okay? Did I do that? So. And it will attach to whatever content is important for you in that moment. So, you know, if you're not sure how well you did, you will look and you'll have regret and all of that. So it's very common, those two. And then the third one, Aging. Yes. Because now you're at the age for most women, you're either perimenopause or menopause. So you are seeing change in your body and you're seeing hormonal change. And hormonal change get reflected in the mind. Like the way the hormone yo yos your mind will yo yo. Meaning you'll be peaceful, you'll be okay. And then suddenly you'll have start having thoughts and you'll be like, why am I thinking negative now? Or why did my mood change? Or why like sud suddenly it's not stable anymore. And so when it's not stable, you will want stability or your mind will wander. You'll want to solve what is happening within me. Why is my mind doing this? Why is my body doing this? And there will be difficulty adjusting and you're going to be in the loss of what was before, the stability that was before, the use that was before. So we all want, our mind always wants safety and stability. So therefore the aging process becomes difficult. And you know, you start having sagging skin. You are like, you don't. You don't have everything that you used to have that you know, would keep you looking young and recovering fast from a late night. And all of this now it becomes more difficult. Like everything within you is going on conservation mode.

Yeah. So what do we do? Like, what do we do about these things? I mean, we can pick any which one of them. But like, how do you. Because those thoughts take over your life. I mean, they do. They, they. You. Your thoughts. You think about how many thoughts you have a day. It doesn't matter what you're physically doing. Like, they take over your day, they take over your, your brain. You can't work, you can't sleep, you can't. Like, what do you do if they're not the right thoughts?

So most people right now believe there are negative thoughts are their enemy. Right? And most people engage in fighting them, replacing them with positive or ignoring them, letting pass like clouds. Or people go on yoga meditation to calm everything down, but that's just pushing them down. And that creates an enemy within because they keep resurfacing. And you're like, no, I don't want you come back. And so now you're have a fight within. So what I offer is, well, what if we got it all wrong? What if our mind was not our enemy? What if those negative thought were not an enemy, but what if they were a messenger? And I give this metaphor, which is imagine you're sitting, you're watching a good movie, and somebody knocks at the door, but you're annoyed. You were watching a good movie. Yeah, you're annoyed at the bang at the door. But okay, you go back to your movie, the person keep banging like, oh, come on. Then they bang, bang, bang, said, what's this person has to do with me? So from your perspective, negative thoughts are annoying, they're disturbing, they rub you from your everything, they bring fear, they rob you from your joy. But if we put ourselves in the shoes of the person at the door, what's happening? They're like, I know they're in, the TV's on. Why are they not opening the door? I mean, I have something to deliver. And so they will continue banging and banging. So can we start looking our thought more as messenger that they are here to communicate something to us. So why don't we start decoding them? Like, why don't we see like they keep banging at our door? Because there's an important message and the message is embedded in its content. Again, what I said, when you're out of balance, negative comes in, in the content that you need. So if we take any of the thing, like, I don't know, I don't have enough money or enough safety for the future. Or like, let's say a negative thought, like, I was lousy with money, let's put it that way. Okay, what is that thought? First, what is the thought calling your attention to? That's the first question. It's calling your attention to one, your relationship with money. Second, it's calling our attention to your desire for financial safety. So already we know that you think that you have a lousy relationship with money. And we know that you're unsatisfied with your level of safety. We already know those two things. What else? You said I am lousy with money. You didn't say I made bad choice in my life. You didn't say, so you basically made your whole identity bad. Why would you such a thing? Like, do you think so badly about yourself? Most people make their whole identity so bad as a kick in the butt. Like, if I am lousy, I have to change. It's like a beating one in myself with a whip. So that means that you desire this so much that you're willing to beat on yourself to get there. But that is also the obstacle because most people, when that happen, you actually are putting yourself down and lowering your ability to build what you want. To build this, you need to tweak this inner work. You need to tweak. So now with decoding that one thought, you know, two of your desires that are really important for you, you know, kind of a bad habit that you have that will get you in trouble. You can do some inner work. And now we have to look at, okay, well, you have this desire what interfere with that desire, what happened, and you will realize, well, I prioritize my kids, I prioritize, you know, spending on them. Okay, so it sounds like that was more priority. Can you accept that? Can we shift that priority right now? Where are we with that priority? Like, can we make peace? That basically can you tuned into. There was a reason why it was the way it was and can you connect to. You did what you could the way you could and now it's time to change. But back then it was good the way it was or back then you made mistakes, you made mistakes. Can you accept mistakes? And can you learn from mistakes? And can we see the positive by mistakes so that they don't daunt you? But this is how one thought. You see how I already did so much inner work in just one minute, just with one thought, imagine we have 50,000. So just that gets the ball rolling. And when you do that, the next time you think I'm lousy with money, you don't get bogged down. You don't think like you think, okay, okay, this is calling me, okay, what am I going to do? Am I going to get a training? What am I going to do for this? And you start rolling with it. And so you then the negative doesn't affect you anymore. That is decoding your thoughts.

Do you think that I feel like a lot of things that we use in society distract us from ever getting there. So you have the negative thought, it's repeating in your brain, it feels uncomfortable. And instead of decoding it, like you said, because that feels like work people, they push it out, they ignore it, or they'll turn to things, addictive stuff to get them away. So whether that's actual addictive stuff like, you know, drugs or alcohol, it could be just social media, could be, you know, your phone, it could be whatever is Netflix. It's just that. Is that because it feels painful to go through these, this decoding, is it because it they people just don't know help us? Because I want what I want to. The reason I'm asking is I want to give people an actual tool. So when these are coming up, it doesn't feel easier to go to that.

The reason why people don't feel easier to go to that is there's a fundamental belief in every single person that there's something wrong with you internally and that when you get negative thoughts, it's your mind tricking you, it's your mind bringing you bad. It's your mind trying to sabotage you. There's such a belief that your mind is the enemy and that those negative thoughts trying to sabotage you, that the first thing is to stop the sabotager by numbing it by. So the idea that thoughts are messenger coming from you to you is revolutionary. And it's something people don't understand because they don't understand that as human being, you really don't learn from positive. Positive does not bring you forth. Like for example, right now, if I give you a big hug, I mean, you'll feel great. But will you change? I mean, you'll want more hugs, you'll want more safety. It's not going to bring any movement. But if I slapped you, oh boy, you're going to start thinking, how did it happen, why it happened. You're going to try to resolve it, you're going to try to prevent it from happening. Like, negative is always what gives us the next level up. And so if people could understand that your higher self, your higher you knows that about you and sends you messages, that hurts. Negative thoughts that are meant to create movement as a way of getting you to the next level. So their inner messages wrapped in some.

Pain, so muting them through these things that we talked about doesn't allow you to get there. What about when people say, well, then just meditate. So like, get them out of your mind or go like, like you Mentioned a retreat like is that helpful or is that creating this problem also?

So meditation really was created so that you can create space in your mind so that you can achieve harmony and peace. That's what it was created. So if you use it for that particular purpose, it's wonderful. You start seeing the space between thought and a place of love and beauty. But most people use now meditation to, I don't want to think about that thought. Let me meditate, let me reset, let me take it down. So it's based on again the same idea that thoughts are enemy and they're going to hurt me and I don't want to be affected by the negative. But when you do that, you rob yourself from the opportunity of understanding the message. So what it does is yes, you'll be more mindful, you'll be more peaceful, but what you were supposed to work on and grow and what was supposed to prepare you for a better future is not done. So it will come back. And therefore you'll become more ill equipped to deal with negative because you will be like, I'm doing all this meditation, I'm taking all those classes and I stopped. Still it keeps coming. I don't get it. Why does it keep coming? I'm doing all those great things. And so that's what's missing. People are not getting the message that is coming from within. And so it will come in a different way. So yes, you'll gain an ability with meditation, but you'll rob yourself from another opportunity. Therefore, what is best is decode your thoughts to understand the message and then you will become more mindful. If you want to do meditation, do it to get in touch with the harmony, not to get rid of negative thoughts.

So what would be. You gave an example of decoding an actual example, but is there like a way? Is there a checklist? Like what is the. Yes, these are the five things or the. Yeah, what are the steps? Like? How do we do it?

Yes. So the first step is what is the thought calling your attention to?

Okay.

Right. So I call. It is my aware step. So A for awareness.

Okay.

The second is W for wisdom. What is the wisdom that a thought has for you? So therefore, what is the core desire that it's aligned you to? What is the value that it has for you? So you have to get to a desire or a value. Okay. Then you have to go with align well, align yourself with that value and that desire. So be a hundred percent behind it. So look at what is the obstacle, what is interfering? And it's Usually embedded in the way you said it, in the way you say what you want, shows us your way of motivating yourself, which usually you beat on yourself or the way you're getting there is the issue, you know, so then recalibrate. Right? Recalibrate. So now you know your desire, you know your core value, you are aware and you know the obstacle. So recalibrate. Can you motivate yourself through love? Can you motivate yourself more nicely? Can you motivate yourself with more technique and skills rather than beating on yourself? Recalibrate. And the result is expansion. You have expanded. So it's the aware method, A W A R E. And that's, that's very easy. And so if you want to expand, go through it with a question is what is the thought calling my attention to? What is the unmet desire and core value about it? What is the obstacle along the way? Recalibrate and evolve. It's not hard at all. Once you are on board with your thoughts and your emotion on messenger and decode them and once you do it change totally your relationship to the negative in a way that it doesn't affect you, but enhances you.

Yeah, this is really good. So it's making sense why these thoughts feel all consuming for people because there isn't taking the time to process it. And there's a lot of numbing in a lot of ways. Like I, I don't mean just physically. Like there's, there's a lot of avoidance. There's so many distractions, there's so many things so distracting with work, with workouts, with, with wine, with Xanax, whatever. It's like a constant and it's kind of like to me it's like you have a fever and you keep suppressing the fever, but you never actually let it heal, get healed through your body. Right. So if I'm hearing you correctly, it's calling attention to it even more and actually like really contemplating with it and sitting with it and as you said, decoding it. And when you do that, you hopefully only need to do that once if you have to do it a few times. But if once you actually get to the thing, when that thought comes in, it feels very different.

Exactly. It feels very different. And you gain so much wisdom and you have already evolved very quickly in a way that's very attainable. It, there's, it's actually a very little tweaks, but it's the foundation that has changed. And this applies not only to thought, emotion and your body symptom. You brought fever 100. It's the same idea. Same idea, yeah.

Okay, that's. This is a big topic and I. You had also mentioned earlier that, like, somebody could basically tell you anything wrong showing up on their body and you would already know how that's connected in the brain. So I want to talk about that for a minute and like all volunteer me first. I mean, I think I have know what was going on with mine now, but I'll just, I'll throw it out there and then I want to kind of take you down some common midlife symptoms after, but I'm going to throw it out. So hives or skin condition, like a hives, what would that be?

Okay, so just for people to know all of this. So I have 13 years of traditional Chinese medicine. I study under Grandmaster Nanloo of the traditional Chinese medicine. So this is based on the idea that your body is always communicating to you and the body's never wrong. So what are hives? Right? Hives is heat coming out of your body. So, you know, a lot of people come and they see me and they're like, oh, my God, this is horrible. I have hives, I'm hot, I itch, I hate it. And there's something so wrong with my body. And I tell them, you are lucky you have hives because that means that your body is cleaning itself. So if you have hives, that means you had had too much heat in the body. That means your body has absorbed friction, tension. So if you do have hives, you are someone who have absorbed a lot of tension and stress and some aggression, and you have wanted to create a peaceful environment by not releasing that tension and that stress, but it was stuck in your body, so now the body has to release it. So if you have hives, I guarantee you that the thoughts you'll have will be fighting thoughts. Like you'll be anticipating a danger, a potential aggression and trying to resolve it. Because that's what your body is showing us, right? Your body is showing us that you have absorbed, pushed down in an attempt to create peace. But that means you live in a world where there is tension. So your mind will do exactly what the body is doing, which will try to anticipate, prevent, and create harmony. So I already know the type of thoughts you're going to have. Your thoughts are all going to be planning, predicting, anticipating, making sure we keep the peace and avoiding conflict, tension, aggression.

Wow, that's wild.

Yeah.

So, okay, so what are some of the common things that you'll see, like, with it, like, I Think pain's a big one. Is it general around pain, or is that pain in specific areas of the body?

So there's two things. Pain in a specific area of the body means something versus general pain. General pain. So when you're strong, you feel great, you have no pain, you have no aches. When you're running really low. Imagine you got sick, you're running solo, you start having pain in different parties everywhere. So pain is a sign that your immune system got down, that your energy got low. And it's a sign that you became more vulnerable to nature's environment and pain. In traditional Chinese medicine, it's like cold getting in that your body couldn't keep the warmth inside. Cold came in. And when you have cold, it becomes like rigid, like water that freezes, and therefore it creates pain. That's for generalized pain or, you know. But then when it's pain in certain area, it does mean something. So, for example, shoulder pain. Okay, we all know shoulder is where you carry things, right? You carry your children on your shoulder, you carry your backpack on your shoulders, you carry. So the moment you have shoulder pain, your body's communicating to you what you carrying is too heavy. It's very simple. It's very simple. People don't believe in it, but I guarantee you stop carrying the shoulder pain will go away. The emotion we carry create kind of stagnation in the body. And stagnation creates pain. So shoulders about that. So menstruation.

So this is kind of when. When as you're sharing some of this, it's making me think a little bit of like, acupuncture or like, is that that how. And I just did. I hadn't done extra acupuncture in years. I did. I recently did one around my hives. And I remember she was explaining to me that they put it in specific areas to kind of move the energy, so move heat. Is that similar to what you're saying?

So a traditional Chinese medicine is based on the idea that your body, your mind communicate with nature constantly. And so there's constant communication between your body and your mind, between your body, mind and your environment. Therefore, you interact with somebody who's aggressive. It enters the body, it goes somewhere. So now we have to move it out of the body or the mind will try to move it. You can move it either through food, diet, exercise, acupuncture, you name it. Acupuncture is one of the modalities of traditional Chinese medicine. To move things. It's the idea that you have pathways that run through your Body the same way that in western medicine, you know, you have veins and you have arteries and when things are not okay, we look at the blood. In traditional Chinese medicine, there's energy pathway, there are pathways and so those pathways get blocked by emotion in certain, a certain area. And we all know those certain things. Like you will know the moment you get anxious. It's your stomach who gets affected. Right butterfly in your stomach. There's certain place in the body we know our assistant with emotion. So every single part of your body is associated with emotion. That the lungs are all about letting in and letting out. You know the lungs is for breathing so you let in all the good and letting out. So if you have grief issue, you will have difficulty breathing. Like if you have so much stress, you have panic attack, you can't breathe. Like you know, like it's, that's the idea. So the way to move those things, there are many entry gate. Like if you come to my group practice, I have a group practice where I train psychologists and that we, depending on the issue, we will work it from the mind. So if you have an issue with letting go a grief, we're going to work on what is it, where's your mind? It's tilting. And through healing the mind we can heal the body. I might also tell you, you know, for best result we're going to do this type of therapy. And if you're open, I'm going to refer you to an acupuncturist to heal the body so that now we have a very effective system. And why don't you eat this type of food that supports you. And now instead of something that lasts forever, two, three, session. And this is heal them process. Wow, we have many entry gates, let's use them all.

Hey, I really hope you're finding value in today's video. If you are, please hit that like button. It really helps to rank these videos so others like you can find this great information. Also if you are enjoying the channel, make sure to hit the subscribe button. It's that little bell that pops up that lets you get notified anytime I have a new release. Thank you for being here and watching. If you've got suggestions for videos you'd like to see or interviews you would like to happen, please make sure you comment for me to see those as well. You know, as I'm talking to you, I'm noticing this, your particular energy and just how you're even talking to me. You, you have like a more slowed down pace. You're, you're calm you're, it's like this more serenity way of talking to like I'm talking to you. And I have a very different type of way of talking. I'm like high energy and I'm, I move a lot and I'm more fast. Does all of this matter in that because. Or is that like if you're that way and I'm this way, is all of this still make the sense or is everybody kind of in this fast paced and then you have to work to slow down. Does that even make sense, what I'm asking?

Yes, it makes 100% sense. So first of all, it's amazing that you're aware about your energy. My energy. We all have an energy signature. That energy signature is meant to help us in our purpose. So you want to respect your energy signature. I will always go into my own energy signature because that's how it goes. You should always go in your own energy signature. So my energy signature has always been since I'm a kid. I have a melodious tone of voice. I mean I'm a therapist. Not for nothing, I, I just became a therapist. I loved helping people when I was a kid because people would come to me, you know, so. But what you want is balance. So you have to know that you're someone who like 5 space. What does it mean? You would like movement going distraction. You like something fast. It has a lot of qualities. You're not going to stay, stay in long treatment. You're not going to stay with things that don't work, you know, all of that. The other issue is you might do way too much therefore heat in the body. You might overuse and overdo. So be mindful. And so you will have a reaction to me. Either it will be like, oh I love this, this is so nice. Or it'll be like, oh my God, I cannot take this. This is really hard, you know, because. And that would be your reaction to slowing down. And it just is where you are right now. And part of it is something that you built internally and part of it is something who you are meaning you will always prefer fast and meaning maybe you know, it will. There's a danger about going slow for you. Maybe there is something about not wasting time. And so you want to look at things like, like that.

I love that you just said that because I feel like that's the opposite of what many people say. So they will. And when someone comes at somebody with high energy or a fast mind with slow down or relax or just it literally it's Like a trigger and it doesn't work. But what you just said made a lot of sense because you said everyone has sort of their energy signature. You can work with it. But just by you being how you are in relation to mine slows me down. So I noticed that too. So it's not about just shutting it down, it's about working with it and noticing how you can shift around other. Other ways, I guess, if that's what I mean. Because I think about like you walk into a massage. Like if I walk into a massage and I'm all chaotic and I walk in and the massage therapist is like just as chaotic and she's talking a lot and dropping things and it's loud and I hear noises, I'm not going to relax. But if I walk in and it's like she's not telling me to relax, but they're saying, you know, it's candles and dim lights and she's talking slow and there is nice music, then I will relax. Right. So you can use your energy signature to get other people to move a little bit. Just like if I, if you walked into and I was teaching a fitness class and I had loud music and I'm high energy, you might start moving faster. Right. But it's not because I said, just.

Go do that a hundred percent, 100%. And I think what you picked up is. Exactly. It's. It goes back to what we talked about initially, about thought being the enemy. Most people think, oh, you're too fast, there's the wrong. They look at the wrong. They look at the wrong at me being too slow, they look at the wrong at you being too fast. When it actually is perfect the way it is, it serves a message, it serves a purpose and it should be respected. And so everybody should respect their way of being in the world while knowing their tendency and their tilt. So it means that I would have a tendency to more slow, relax, and so I would need activation. You would need have a tendency towards more fast, more doing. And so you will have a bit of a need to slow down from time to time to be mindful of it, but not as a pathology, but as just a tilt.

So a lot of people tend to turn to. We talked about this earlier with yet different topic, but they'll turn to external or things that they take or do to change their state versus just being aware and changing it. So for example, if I were to give you a bunch of caffeine and, I don't know, stimulants, like I could change you for in that moment. But I'm not, It's not really you. Right. Or if you were to give me a bunch of, I don't know, I don't know, marijuana or something to slow me down, it would. Can we talk about a minute about the, the, the risk of just doing that? Because this is important too, because a lot of people rely on wine, Xanax, I mean, just, there's a list of things to change that state. And I, I think from a Chinese medicine point, then we're just kind of delaying the inevitable. What needs to come out? Am I thinking of this right? Can you help, help us understand that?

Okay, let's think about it as a candle that's burning. You are a candle that's burning. You burn at certain pace, certain degree. When you put Xanax or everything, suddenly you're burning your candle way much faster. And so then you have less. So whatever was pushing you. Like for example, let's say you're somebody who's very active. And you're very active because you have a sense of time is running.

Okay.

Then somebody gives you marijuana, weed, something that slows you down, burns your candle. When you come out of it, you, that sense of urgency that you have, that sense of, oh my God, time is running is going to be increased so much, it rebounds, it rebounds. So those things burn your candle way faster and there's a rebound. So that's why Adderall, Xanax, alcohol. Yeah. In that moment they will have the effect that you wanted. But then there's a kickback. And that's why I say like when you are depressed and you do, you know, you just drink afterwards, you get more depressed and you're like, why? Like, because your body use all that energy to digest that alcohol that you had and now you have less, so you go even darker. So we have to be very mindful that those things are artificial way of giving us a quick result. But they use so much. And what was behind it is still going. Like your train is still running the same way.

Yeah. And I want to be clear, we're not giving medical advice here. So this is not like if, if you need something for a temporary time or for whatever reason, like that's, it's not about that. It's just important to understand that those aren't long term solutions because you, you still have to fix this other part, you know? Cause it's like, so if you're, you can't sleep without whatever it is that you're doing, still do that. If you need to and start to be aware of what you're saying. This is really fascinating. Do you think everybody needs a therapist? And what if somebody like. Because I know that's what you do, you're a psychologist, like, talk to us about that. And if people like, what are your thoughts on that? Like, does everyone need that? Does everyone not need that? Like, can people do on their own, help us understand that? Because some, some women are really into it and some have never gone, you know.

Yes, I believe that you have everything within you to be your best self. You do have it all within. Now it's just a matter of some people access that better with the help of someone and the help of a professional. Others are really good of finding the resources, the knowledge you don't have. You do need some extra knowledge. Everybody needs extra knowledge. And when you have that extra knowledge, it's really helpful. But you can access things like intuitively, like you have so much like you right away sometime know, like, oh, my stomach is not well. Yeah, eating a soup makes me feel better. You don't need a doctor, you don't need a therapist. So it's a. The same idea, like, oh, my God, I'm going through a dark hole. I know that being next to the ocean helps me. You just go, you heal yourself. Like, there's so many ways. So, no, not everybody needs a psychologist. Does seeing a psychologist help the good ones? Yes. And now I train psychologists, so I know there's, there's all kinds of things out there, like all kinds of doctors, all kinds of, you know, physical therapists, all kinds of every, everything. So it's very important to know that basically it's, you can, you can really help yourself and get help depending on who you are in your study. So it's, so it's, it's much more about who are you? And I'll give you my own example. So as a psychologist, I went to therapy, I went to analysis for many, many years. And then I discovered traditional Chinese medicine and specifically qigong, which is energy movements. And I feel when I do my qigong, I have so much insight. I discover things like, like suddenly I understand my body and my mind in certain depth, and I have insights about me that no psychologist could ever give me. And so I no longer have a need for it.

Yeah.

But in my interaction with the psychologist in my practice, I also learned so much about myself. So all the ways are good. It's just about accepting you.

What is yours makes sense. Can you briefly, psychiatrist versus psychologists. I know one is more medical medicine, but when, when someone's thinking they need. And also just counselor in general. Like where help us decide. Like where, where you should be looking.

Yeah. So now there's a lot of different. And there's even coach. So I'll start with psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are doctors who have specialized in mental health. That means most of their training was on medication. A small portion of it was on therapy. The one who really wanted to therapy, they pursue further education, further degree in psychotherapy. So you have certain psychiatrists, especially in the old time, all used to do psychoanalytical training and things like that. So they have the medication and the therapy, but a lot of them just do medications. So you usually go see a psychiatrist. If you do, you have to be mindful. Do they have the therapy training that you want? Some will, some won't.

So that might be for someone who actually has like, like you're bipolar or you're, you have something that's a diagnosis that your behavioral therapy hasn't been enough, then maybe that's, that's what that would be for. But that's not for general therapy.

Okay, but there are some psychiatrists who are very good with general therapy because that's what they wanted to do, do this. So it's, you have to figure out who that psychiatrist is and what training is. Psychologists are either PhD or PsyD. That means, you know, they went to undergraduate school, master and then next. So they did like 10 years of training in psychotherapy, working in places because the training is you work and you study before you become a psychologist. So the training is only in psychotherapy. And there are many different kinds. There are psychodynamic, which is understanding the dynamic, the past, the personalities. There's cognitive behavior therapists which look at the link between thoughts and behavior. I mean there's so many. But everybody who's a psychologist is very well trained in their ability. Now you have therapists, usually the people we call therapists or social worker licensed mental health counselors. They usually have a two year degree.

Oh, okay. So very different. Very different. So it doesn't mean they're not good, but it's very different on the training.

They're very different on the training. So. And some of them decide to go further training. So and some of them are very talented. So like I'll tell you, in my practice, I hire based on talent and then I look at the experience and everybody's a PhD inside. Because I do want the. They're yours. But, but so you want to know when you look at, okay, are they talented how much training did they had? And then so all of Those are so PhD, psychologists, psychiatrists have experience with mental illness. So addiction, eating disorders, panic attacks, bipolar, social worker, have some experience but are not as they don't have as much to write. So you want to know that unless they have done special training and some have done special training and then a.

Coach, I feel like, I mean I'm sure there's good coaches that everyone can call themselves a coach. Like literally any you. There's no credential for that.

Yeah.

So I'm not knocking. I'm sure there's some amazing coaches, but just I want everyone to be aware like you, you have to be really asking the questions to be really aware what you're getting into. And to me it sounds like a psychologist is probably a good place to start for many people. And then because the psychologist will refer, I'm sure if it needs to be a medication and. But it's a good place to start. And then even if you don't continue with a psychologist, it sounds like it could be a therapist or somebody like it sounds like you could. But it might be the solid place to start because it seems like it's like in the middle of all the things with the PhD.

Yes. Usually psychologists is you're a bit more secure and psychologists will come and see you and at some point they will see who are you? Are you someone who needs extra help? If you do need extra help, are you more the western medicine route or you're more the holistic route? And there's nowadays a lot of holistics, so you don't necessarily even have to go to the medication route if you don't want to, but if you do, it's there. And as psychologist will definitely refer for the coaches, there's tons of plenty good coaches. Usually they, they don't specialize at all in depression, anxiety. They don't, they cannot deal with anything that's clinical. So it will be relationship issue, work issue, self esteem improving, or they're walking.

People through their own personal mastery. So it's like what I see is like somebody masters something themselves. So now they're coaching back on that. But where we have to be careful is if you know that's the specific thing, that's great. But it's very hard to customize that because there it's their own personal experience.

That's right. That's right. And always I say trust your intuition with any people. Don't go just over there, the expert, no trust. How do I feel? How does this feel okay? This doesn't feel good. Okay, so is it meant to challenge you? Is that the purpose? And so then you work through it if it's not the purpose, not a right fit. Next.

Makes sense. Well, this was fascinating today. So much good information. Where can people find you? Where can they learn more? Where can they follow you?

Yes. So, I mean, the easiest is to Google My name, Dr. Yasmine Saad. But I have a group Practice, Madison park, psych.com on Instagram. I'm@doctordoctor.com Yasmin Saad. And I have my website, which is Dr. Yasminsad.com and so I speak internationally, I talk to corporation, I see individual patients. I have a team. So depending what you need is just Google me. You'll find me, basically. Amazing.

Thank you so much for today. Thank you.