Creating Confidence in Midlife with Caroline Baudino

Today on midlife Conversations, I've got my new friend that I'm so excited to chat with today. Her name is Caroline. She's got a social media following for shop with Caroline. She is hysterical. She's exactly my age. She's 51. So most of you listening, you are close to our age because you're here on midlife Conversations. What I love about Caroline is that she is breaking the mold of what people think 50s and middle age is supposed to be. She to me, is having so much fun. She's attractive, she's stylish, she's funny, she's cute. Kicking midlife in the butt, basically. She's got. She's breaking the mold for what? Everybody talks negative about midlife. Thank you so much for being here, Caroline. Today I can't wait to jump in and talk to you.

Oh my God. Honestly, I am honored to be here to be honest with you and just to have other like minded women like this gets me so excited. It's just so motivating because I feel like there's so many of us out there that just don't even. That just don't realize it. You know what I mean? I'm so appreciative. Thank you for allowing my voice on here. I'm really appreciative. Really.

Well, let's start with how did you even get online? How did you even start this account where what were you doing before and what made you want to talk about midlife like this?

You know, it's really funny, genuinely. This was before COVID So, you know, it was literally like a year, maybe six months before COVID And it was always just, you know, I was a mom. I had been worked in tv. I used to host, you know, an entertainment show for Spanish network. Like I was always in the entertainment, so I was always dressed, I mean, truthfully, I was always in the show biz and you know, the lights, the camera. So I was always dressed up, always looking fabulous. So all of a sudden I find myself as a mom. I had kids at 38 and 40, so I was, you know, I got married. We wanted to travel and live life and you know, wanted to be, have that foundation. So I definitely had kids later in life. And let me tell you something, no one prepares you right, no one actually tells you the truth and no one. You never really understand what you're walking into. And it just was one of those really eye opening situations where the most independent person all of a sudden found herself dependent, you know what I mean? And I. The real pivotal Point was my dad being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, honestly, and my mom completely falling apart. And it was like watching the strongest person I had ever known not know how to do anything at 80 years old. And it was. She was so scared, so oblivious to work. She didn't know where money was. She didn't know where anything was. And I'm like, it's been 50. Like, what do you mean, you don't know? And honestly, I walked past that mirror that day, and I honestly didn't recognize myself. I was like, I was disheveled. I wasn't. I wasn't smiling. I wasn't. You know, I wasn't like, I wasn't my best self. And I was like, I don't have the money right now. Like, I actually don't know where things are. Like, I was kind of like, I just fell into that same exact trap. And I was like, wait a second. I was like, literally, that day, I'm not joking. I looked in the mirror. People think I'm lying, but I was like, that's it. I was like, I'm bringing you back. Like, best version of you. Like, Caroline, that's smiling, that's positive, that's happy. I was like, why am I allowing all these outside circumstances, you know, affect me? I have a choice. I can choose to be happy. I can choose to make an effort. I was like, I'm smart. Literally. I was like, I'm so smart. I'm capable. I was like, I can do hard things. I was like, why am I not figuring something out and making my own money and, like, knowing where things are and running the show? I was kind of like, why did I give away all my power? Why would I ever do that? So I literally was like, that's it. I'm going to honor my mom. Like, her demise is going to be my inspiration. And I was like, I am not going to allow all of her sacrifice to go wasted because she sacrificed all of her happiness with a cheating husband. I love my dad. He was not a good husband. You know, I mean, he was. This was tough. And growing up, I literally was like, she sacrificed all of her happiness to make sure that we were taken care of and that there was money. You know, that old day, that old kind of culture, Latino, you know, you protect your kids, you stay no matter what. And she really, at this age, I'm not joking, is still one of the unhappiest people I know. And I literally, till this day, look at her. I call her and I try to cheer her up because she Missed out on what we have the opportunity to have now. And she felt like she had no options. She felt like she couldn't leave because she didn't know how to make money. She didn't have her own money. You know, she came to this country with him and even though she made every decision, she made every decision, she bought every piece of real estate, she actually pushed him to make every good decision that he made for work. And she felt that she wasn't capable. She thought she wasn't smart. I was like, what? So, so it's so sad.

But, but unfortunately I feel like this is a lot of women in our age group still like this. How do, how do we get them to see this, like whole possibility without them having to go through what you went through with your parents or because I see, like you, something has to happen. It's like something happens, then we wake up and go, wait a minute, I don't want this next half of my life to be like this.

Yes. And you know what we said, and I know you know this too. It's like you don't have to hit rock bottom, right? You're seeing women hitting rock bottom where the suicide rate for middle aged women is the highest ever. Like, everyone's drinking, everyone's doing micro shroom. I mean, everyone's on something because they can't deal. And you're kind of realizing, like, why can't you deal? It's because you feel like you don't have permission to feel anything. You don't have permission to go do what you want to do. And I'm like, there is a world where your kids are going to grow up. And this is like an eye opening. Why I try to remind people every day, your kids, if you're doing your job, they're going to be independent, fabulous people who go on at 18 and live their lives. And then, so what are you doing for the next 20, 30, 40 years? Because I'm assuming you're living till 80, 90, if we're all healthy and lucky. And in that you've got an opportunity to start your life completely over. Like you can have, you have the opportunity to start looking fabulous again. Like you can start, you know, any hobby that you have can become a business now. Like, that's. My mom did not have that. We have the Internet. We have every possibility to take anything we're doing at home that we love and make it into something of your own and have a little, you know, for me, it's about not being independently dependent. I want to be Actually independent, where if something happens to John, if something happens or my kids leave, I can always take care of myself. I have something of my own. And a lot of women don't. They don't have anything of their own.

So the thing that I find, because I come from fat loss and fitness, it was very image focused. Right. Very image focused. And what I realized is that I would help get women get fit or lose the weight or whatever, and they still weren't happy. Still weren't happy. And what I realized. And they would still find, like, the next thing that's moving that's going to make them happy. Right. And what I realize is when they actually have purpose and excitement about something, that's actually what makes them happy. It's nothing to do with the appearance. It's like being lit up on fire about something.

Yes, yes. Having purpose. Right? Having purpose, yes.

So what you're saying resonates so much. But here's what I see, and I don't know if you see this too. If I see, I feel like women typically are falling into two categories in midlife, and then there's somewhere in between that I want more of. I would love to see more. I feel like they're either fighting aging every step of the way, like trying to be 20 again, which, by the way, you're not fooling anyone. Anyone trying to be like, we're not going to happen.

Yeah. I mean, that's like a vicious cycle. Yeah.

I mean, you're.

You're never going to be happy because you're trying to attain something that doesn't exist.

So I see that. And then it's like they hide their age, they're depressive, like, just really battling it. And they're the ones that they've got to be spray tan when they die because otherwise, you know, they're really fighting it. And then there's the ones that are the whole opposite, just like, well, who cares? And let it go.

And just like, you should accept it. You should. I love hearing that. You should just accept it. I'm like, but I. Why do I have to accept something that I have the power to control and I have the power to make better? And that's just you being lazy.

Sorry, talk to me about that because that's what makes me love you online. Because you. For those of you that haven't seen her yet, she'll literally look right in the camera and go, I'm 51. This is me and my bikini boobs.

Take it or leave it, cellulite and all.

Take it or leave it. It's. It's amazing. It's so rare, authentic. I love it.

Thank you so much. And coming from you, that is a real compliment, because I know, you know, listen, it's about really accepting, you know, and it's about. I'm always about. I'm always about. I'm with you. I like to work out. I like to feel good. I think it's important to be healthy from the inside out. I am all about making that effort. And for me, it's like, why would I ever just accept demise? Like, for me, I'm never just going to give up on myself. That's just not an option to me. I'm like, my mom gave up on herself, and I saw where that led to, where she's sitting in a little room alone, bored out of her mind. No one visits, has no friends, literally. It's the saddest thing where I'm like, you know, we have the power to create the life that we want. We have the power to look fabulous if we want. We have the power of, like, smiling, positivity, you know, I mean, at the end of the day, I think women forget the power that they have, and they think, oh, just forget it. Give up. You know, just accept it. And it's like, because you don't want to do the work. Bottom line, you don't want to do the work. And it takes work. There is nothing easy about waking up every morning and saying, no matter what happens today, I'm going to choose happy, and I'm going to do. I'm going to be the best version of myself. And that's literally a choice. Like, my husband and I literally made a pact that every situation we get into, we want to. We want to look through the eyes of happiness. Like, she's happy in this situation. Because, yeah, it's easy to just be miserable all the time. It is. It really easier.

Help us with, like, how, like, one of the things that really stands out is how you tell women just to get up and get dressed every day. Like, get up, get dressed, put your jewelry on, put your cute clothes on, whatever. Can you speak into that? Because there's a difference between how you do it and, like, again, trying to be 20. That's not what you're doing, exactly. No, I'm dressing how I want to dress, because I can and I want to.

And it's about, you know, we don't need permission. I feel like women. And, like, it's always about, like, we feel like we need the permission from other People to, you know, to look good or feel good or do what we want to do. And at the end of the day, getting up and getting dressed is exactly what you say. It is not about the Valentino outfit. It is not about getting compliments. It genuinely is to me, getting up and getting dressed is the action that I tell my brain I'm worth it. I'm going to make the effort. I'm going to stand on my own two feet. That's why it's important for me to stand on my feet. This is not about letting anyone else take the reins. This is you getting up and making that decision for yourself and then making the effort, which helps with anxiety, it helps with stress because you're distracting yourself. Right. You know that exercise is one of the greatest medicines there is Gratitude, greatest medicine. Getting dressed and looking fabulous is medicine. It is an oxygen mask that you're putting on first. At the end of the day, when you look fabulous and you look in that mirror, you walk out that door and you are more positive, you do feel better. You're more apt to do, you know, have a pep in your step to be in a good mood. And I always say to my kids, like, you were sitting here yelling at our kids to be presentable. Brush your teeth, fix your hair. And then you see moms look like a wreck at school.

It's so.

And you're like, it's true. And I'm like, so. You're supposed to lead by example. Like, what are you doing? You can't possibly feel good looking like shit. I'm sorry.

You know, we can take from our mom's generation. Like, I know when we were growing up, that's moms didn't go out with their messy bun in there. They didn't do that. They were.

No.

My mom always had her lipstick matching her shoes.

Me too. The red lipstick. My mom would be like, it's selfish. She's like, I'm not dead. Why would I not be wearing my mate? You know, I mean, I'd be like, you're so right. Like, why wouldn't we want to enjoy and look our best while we can't? Like, one day you're going to regret looking back and not making the effort.

So I don't put together the style like you every day. I would, I should, but I don't. I will say I always do my hair and makeup, like, every day. That's the first thing.

You look gorgeous every day.

Thank you. I just. But I put my makeup on and people go, why are you Putting your makeup on. You're just going to the gym leader. Because just the same reason you said putting my mask on first, putting my making myself feel better. It's my form of self. Care to do that. I think that's about myself when I do that.

And then you're a better person, right? You're a better mom, you're a better wife, you're in a better mood. Genuinely, this is just simple because I'm always like, I'm not, I'm not. This isn't brain surgery. I'm not trying to sell you a pill. I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm selling you natural remedies that work for me. That honestly, I've noticed it's free and it does work. Because at the end of the day, happiness is a mindset and it's about you controlling your mindset. Right?

Talk to us about the confidence part because I think a lot of women would look at you and go, okay, well, but if I had your body, I could do that. If I had your. They still go into this comparison mode. So what do you want them to know?

Truthfully, I will say I have been through it all. Like, I understand that, you know, we're always going to compare ourselves. There's always going to be someone who's skinnier, someone who looks better. You know, I mean, of course, younger, better. There is. There's always going to be that. But I realized, you know, comparison. I know everyone says this, but it's true. It's a thief of joy because you're spending so much time analyzing something else that you're missing out in that moment of the fun. And I realized I spent. I can't tell you how many times I didn't go in the swim with the pool with my kids. I can't tell you how many times I didn't jump in because I didn't want to show my cellulite at the hotel or I didn't walk down the beach holding John's hand because I didn't want anyone on the beach to see that I had cellulite. And I could cry because I honestly, that's how insecure I felt that I thought everybody was staring at my cellulite. And I literally. We all did it. We all think everyone's staring. And I had to really. I think there's something about turning 50 and I think our age and our wisdom and our experience, I kind of started to realize how selfish everybody is and how self absorbed and no one's really staring at you. No one cares. Like, everyone's thinking about their self. They really don't care. And it was funny. I was like, am I. Am I really willing to miss out on some of the happiest moments and memories because of some dimples on my legs? And I was like, what if I just show it? If I just show it and I show it to everybody, will it just take away that fear? You know what I mean? I was kind of like, once you show it, talk away, say whatever you want, like, what are you going to do? Like, you know, I mean, it doesn't matter. And I literally got on camera, I literally showed all my cellulite. I was like, this is me even through menopause, where I gained 25 pounds. I just lost. Over the last seven months, I have lost over. I lost about 20 pounds. So I'm finally feeling, you know, I'm post menopause, so I'm feeling better and I feel more like myself. But yes, I had the stomach bulge, I had the tire, my body was changing. I literally was like, what is happening to me? You don't feel like yourself. You don't look like yourself. It is scary. And you can honestly spiral and getting to that place, knowing that, having some grace for yourself. And I know you're like, you know, giving yourself grace, knowing that this is a season and to just keep working at it. But the truth is we're all going through the same. And I realize that once you show it, it's like that one time that you do it, it makes it easier the next time. And I kind of realize, Right?

Yeah. And you're absolutely right. Because we all do that. We compare to our other people, we compare to our younger selves. We compare to what? And we think everyone's talking about us. But the truth of the matter is if you scroll social media and anyone listening do this, if you scroll social media and you see somebody perfect body and photoshopped and filter and all, you don't want to follow them and get and feel empowered. You're like, ew. It's like a turn off, right? When I see a woman that's being real and like, actually that's empowering to me and I want to learn more. I want to understand.

I don't follow anybody that's using filters. That's using literally, like, I stopped all filters. No, it's not easy. We know it's not easy.

Same reason it distorts my own image of myself.

Yes. I even realized one day where I didn't put the filter on and I was like, oh, I don't like. And I'm like, wait a second. And I was like, shit. And it's like, yes, it's the filter. And it's like, yes, you have to stop. You know, we. It's like once you get to that place where you realize we're all the same. Once you do it, once you get that filter off, it's like everything else you do become more comfortable with it and you gain a different sense of confidence. Like, there is a confidence about not giving a shit.

There is a turning point with me. I know you have teenage teens. Like, I have almost 16 year old. And we were. She does a lot of my tiktoks with me, and we were filming a TikTok and she said, I don't like the way I look. And she put a filter on. And when she did that, I was. It was such an awareness for me. Yeah, do I want my daughter think she's gorgeous? 16 gorgeous.

I can't even imagine.

It really, really woke me up to that. And then I was with a bunch of girlfriends. We were out at a restaurant. They all took a picture and somebody's like, I don't like how I look. And one of the girls said, I'll fix it for all of us. And I said. And they, they. When they went to tag me, I said, I don't. I'm not.

Don't.

I don't want to be tagged. It's like one of those face apps where they change your.

Yes.

I hate that. I think this is what is also destroying what we think midlife really is because we're seeing a distorted view of it all the time.

Exactly. It's not real. And you're. No. I can't tell you how many messages I got thanking me for taking the filter off. Like, and I wasn't even using a crazy filter. Like, I wasn't actually distorting my face, but everybody was like, my daughter's watching. Thank you. And it is. We have to start figuring out a way to become comfortable in our own skin.

No, I want to be clear. That doesn't mean I'm letting my hair go gray or I'm not wearing makeup.

Or using a ring light. I will.

My ring light. I will still make sure the lighting is great.

Like, I do. And I think makeup is a filter and I'm happy to use it, but it's a filter that I use. I have control over. I still look like myself. I just look like a little bit better version of myself. But I think some of these filters. Yes. They distort you to a point where you look like a supermodel. You know, I mean, it's like, that's scary. That's really scary.

And everyone's getting starting to look the same. Big eyes, big lips.

Yes.

Whatever was happening there. So what advice do you want? I want to ask you a bunch of questions about this for women listening. Because the one that is feeling right now like, okay, I'm hearing you, but where do I start? Like, how, what do you, what do you suggest they do first to start getting this confidence back? Because a lot of these women listening are in this beat up place of.

Yes.

They don't feel enough. They feel like it's too late. What do you want them to know to start with?

Especially the empty nesters? There's a lot of, you know, like, I've had a lot of moms reach out being like, I never even, like, when you say 18, they leave. What are you going to do? Everyone's like. And I'm like, yeah, you haven't been in the work. Yes. And I'm like, you haven't been in the workforce for 18 years. Technology has zoomed past you. Because I don't even know half the stuff and it is really intimidating and scary. So for me, honestly, where I always say is to start small and easy. And I know you probably agree with this, it's like if you overcomplicate it, it's like trying to do Mario makeup of Kim Kardashian. Like, you're not going to do Mario's airbrush. Like, you're never going to look like that. So of course it's going to be disappointing. You're never going to achieve it. And then you're going to give up because you say you can't. Rather than taking those small, easy steps. Because I'm all about like how Mel Robbins always says, you know, the five minutes. It's like you can do anything for five minutes. Once you get through the five minutes, the next five. So for me, it's always about keeping things really short and simple. So I was like, for me was like I was just going to get up and get dressed every day. Didn't have to be a whole crazy outfit. It was out of my pajamas into clean clothes. That's the start. You know what I mean? Just start small. And it was like, so even if.

You'Re working at home, ladies, even if you're working at home.

Oh, COVID lockdown. I had sequins pants on. When I say the Internet thought I was insane. And I was like, I literally couldn't stop laughing at a hat and sequins pants at full lockdown. We didn't have food. I mean, you couldn't get eggs. But I was in sequence. And literally everybody was like, what are you doing? I go, guess what? When I walk out of the pandemic, I'm going to be fucking feeling amazing and looking fabulous and I'm going to be exactly the same. While you've let yourself go, you've thought that the world's come to an end. Now you don't even. Now you're going to walk out like a completely different person, lost and trying to catch up where I've maintained myself and I'm keeping my routine. Jeremy. I walked out of Pandemic looking exactly the same. I was fine. Yeah, it's just that mentality of like, you know, taking charge and making that little bit of effort. So if, you know, you love doing your makeup, I would wake up 10 minutes earlier. Just make sure you have a little bit of time to get that shower and makeup in. Get the, you know, the walk. Just one walk around, just one lap around the block. I'm not saying to do two miles. Do one lap around the block and you promise you it will add on. Because when you start to feel good, when you start to look good, when you start seeing those minimal changes, which, you know, with exercise, as soon as somebody sees a little change, then they're addicted and obsessed, right? Because it's like, that's what you need to see. So when you start looking like yourself again, like, when you start getting dressed and looking cute, you're going to want to go out a little bit more. Like, it's funny what that looking good does for you. So I'm always like those little tiny steps, like, go for that one lap around the block. Do one minute of gratefulness, get dressed in whatever you can. Just get out of those dirty clothes, put some gold hoops in, something that's fun to you, Jeremy. And use that little bit of positive self talk. I really do remind myself daily that I'm smart and capable and strong. Like, I really do. I look in the mirror, I every day, like, do not forget who the fuck you are. You know, I mean, before life took you down. Yeah, you were pretty badass. So let's bring her back, you know.

I mean, what do you do when you have moments? Because I know you do. Because you're human like me and you. I.

You. You do.

When. When you do have the moments of like. Because I can feel amazing all day long. And then somehow my body reminds me that I am 51.

Something.

Like, I feel my knees.

The Bulger discs.

Yeah. That my back hurts if I sit too long. Or like, my skin gets. If I. If I spray tan now, it goes into brown spots. It's like, not. It's changed. So when I do. When you get those negative thoughts, like.

What do you do?

Because do you ever spiral at all? Do you go to. I need to fix that. How do you talk yourself out of it? What is the process?

You know, I really do. Like, the last two days, I'll be brutally honest, We. It's been a. It's been a shit show here. Like, we've had a lot. We've been really overwhelmed with work. I had to, you know, this weekend was very emotional, personally, with a friend who's going, you know, through something horrible. My mom calls me every day with horrible. You know, it's been. It's like the last two days, for whatever reason was. I feel frustrated, I feel angry. I'm not walking around with a pep in my step. Like, I want to get things done. I'm not my best self. Like, I can see myself snapping a bit. And truly, it was like, what I genuinely do, I remind myself that no one's coming to save me. I genuinely, like, there is no knight in shining armor that's going to knock on your door and save you. No one's coming. No one's coming. Like, I am the first person to let you know no one's coming. So when you walk past that mirror, genuinely, that's your night in shining armor. That reflection in the mirror that you see for yourself, that's the night in shining armor that's coming to save you. So how do you want your night in shining armor to look? Do you want them to be a hot mess that's disheveled and angry and sad and depressed? Or do you want to look in the mirror and see fucking hot, badass bitch that's coming up, like, coming to save you? I'm like, yeah. So it's reminding myself, looking in the mirror, being like, okay, that's your superhero. That's your night in shining armor. What are you going to do about it? Because no one's coming to save you. So I will literally sit and be like, okay, I give myself a deadline. Genuinely, I think you should feel what you're feeling. I'm never about shoving down your emotions or feelings. I think women are always, shut up. And I hate it. I'm about feeling it taking a day or two and then having a deadline and knowing you have a choice and you can either let yourself spiral, or you can make the effort to get back up and make that choice. Because, again, the power that we have is in the choice. Right? So we have that power. So I literally will be like. Like, today. Today was my day. I'm done. Like, I got to move on. I got to let it go. I don't like feeling like this. It's not fun. And you got to just decide and put a smile on your face. Unfortunately, it's like, we are powerful that way. We just don't use it.

I'm hearing it, that it's really, truly a decision. It's just. Yeah, it's not that you don't have those thoughts, but you're choosing to interrupt it with something.

Exactly. Exactly.

Who do you surround yourself with? Because this is another question I'm curious about with you because I find that community and friends and people that we let into our world are very important to us. So I'm wondering, like, are your friends. Is your network. Do you have the negative people in your life, or do you make sure you're intentional about having people that think like you do? Curious about that, Truly.

I think it was interesting because when I was not in a great headspace, you know, the four and a half years ago when I was, like, lost, I looked in the mirror and don't recognize myself, I have to say, I was surrounded by very much what didn't make me happy. Like, it's all the moms at school, the gossipy, the looking up and down. Like, it wasn't supportive. It wasn't like, you know, when you're sitting in conversations you're just not interested in, and, you know, you're just kind of like just doing, like a zombie robot. Just doing what you have to do.

We had kids in playgroups, and then we had nights with the moms and.

Exactly. You're at the park and you're trying to make friends because you're so lonely and desperate. You're, like, picking women up at the park. You know, I mean, so it's like, I remember being like. When you're sitting. The company that surrounds you does affect you the same way. The music you're listening to, the book you're reading, the show you're watching. You know, you feel something when you're around people, and it does say something about you. So I'm always like, you know, you're with the bitchy friend. Like, be careful, because that's what you're surrounding yourself with and that's what people are going to associate you with. So for me, I'm like, when I started really having. I am, like, kind of hardcore in that way. I very much have boundaries. Like, if you don't make me feel seen her loved and respected in your presence. Like, not interested, to be honest with you. Like, life's too short. I don't have time. I'm very much here to, like, I want to make sure everyone feels loved and seen in my presence. So if you don't afford me that same respect, then we're probably not going to be friends. And if you don't really tell me anything personal, you're probably not going to be friends. Like, I'm very about going deep. I want to have real conversations and I want to know you're doing things. Like, I talk with Monica. Like, we're talking business. Like we're talking what's the next deal? And like, launching it. Like, what's purposeful. Like, we talk about things, not people. Like, we talk about dreams. We're not gossiping ever. I never hear them talking shit about anyone. Like, we're all just talking, you know? So again, I think it is really important from family all the way to friends. Like, I don't speak to my sister. That's the truth. We haven't spoken. It is a very negative and unhealthy relationship that I had to say. This isn't good for my mental health. So I will do it with a family member and I will do it with a friend because my mental health is more important than anything else.

I'm fully aligned with you on that. And I think people really attack me when I say things like that.

Sorry.

I think. And it's fine. And I'm gonna. And I'm gonna share. I really stand.

Please.

Just because somebody is our blood relative attached to us doesn't mean that they have to be in our. We can love them as our family or whatever.

You can have respect, yes.

But it doesn't have to be someone that's in our life daily if it's not serving.

I agree with you, 100. I'm sorry. Anyone can come after me. I agree with you, 100. No one gets the right to treat you like shit or make you feel less than or anyone has more power over you. Whether they're family, their blood, they're a friend. I don't care who you are. If you don't show me respect and kindness and make me feel good, then we're not Going to hang out. That's just the bottom line with you.

And I think this is really hard for women because I think, honestly, this opens up some wounds because a lot of women, I think what's going on is maybe they have this with their husband or they have this with. This is. This is very real. Or a friend they've had for 30 years and they don't know how to separate. But I think it's really important to start evaluating, looking at that because this is your life. This is your life and this is your second chapter. This is like, like, how do you.

Get one shot, right?

You get one shot on you. This is something.

And if you're not happy, you really have to, like, you know, it's hard. It's scary. I get it. Like, I understand that it is scary. I have friends going through divorces. I have, you know, I see it. And. But at the end of the day, what's scarier to me, I. Staying in the same situation and being miserable and waking up at 84, realizing I had a choice and I didn't take it. That, to me is scarier.

Yes. I mean, I, I can, I can speak on this topic, I think, because I, I'm married to my second husband. My, My first was my practice husband. And I remember that moment of thinking, should I stay? Because we made the commitment, should we stay? And I have a daughter all the time.

And the guilt. Right, the guilt.

But I will say fast forward. Him and I are very close still. We're not married. I met my now husband, I'm friends with. I'm very close with his wife.

Like we.

It's like amazing so that you can. When you actually walk through the pain of what's not serving, there's usually something better on the other side.

Agreed. Good for you. That is the perf. That is a great example. And I agree with you. I think it is possible a lot of friends who have very good relationships and show love and respect because at the end of the day, it's acknowledging that this maybe isn't serving both of us. And we're, we're both supposed to be happy. I always say your kids are supposed to be happy, your husband's. But. But like you're supposed to be happy too. Like I always add that too at the bottom. Because women really do sacrifice all of themselves for their husband and wife, you know, and kids. And then all of a sudden the kids leave and the husband's still doing whatever the hell he wants, looking fabulous. And you are. Don't recognize yourself you're lost. You don't feel smart. You don't feel capable. You don't have anything to do. You're not a mom anymore, so you feel like you have. You don't know what your direction is, what your role is anymore. Like, you feel like you don't have purpose. That is a really scary place to be, for sure. We got. We got to stop that. We need to nip this in the.

Buddy now, when I watch your videos. And, ladies, you've got to watch her. Her social media, because she is my pep talk every day. You're, like, the first account I go to every day now. Because really, like, I'm 51 and we're 51, and we're wearing whatever the heck we want today. Like, she's. You are literally, like, the pep talk. Every morning. I get so excited to see what you're gonna post. Oh, I love you, but it's so good. Did you ever. Were you ever in your head around that? Were you ever scared to post that type of stuff? Were you ever. How did you get that confidence to go, okay, I'm just gonna say it how it is, and if they like it, they like it, and if they don't, they don't.

You know, it's true. Because I think when you do start, either always is, you know, backlight and things. It's scary to get negative comments. It's scary, you know, because at the end of the day, you know, we're good people. I'm not here to, like, make fun of anyone or to make anyone uncomfortable. Like, I really am here just to support and just give a gentle reminder that, like, you're, you know, like, there isn't. So when you start hearing, you know, when there's negative and stuff, it's all hard. Like, it is hard. It definitely doesn't feel good when you hear things or someone tells you whatever insult they want to tell you. But I realized I kind of honestly took a beat because there wasn't, you know, something that somebody said. And I remember being upset, and I was like, you know, at the end of the day, happy people don't hurt happy people.

Right?

Right. It's as simple as, like, the, you know, Legally Blonde, you know, that. That point when she said that the girl couldn't have possibly killed him because she's happy. Like, there's no way. And there is something about hurt people, hurt people. That's just the reality of it. And when you're happy, that isn't. I have no intention. I'm not thinking. I'M not looking at anyone. I'm not, like, I'm not obsessing on what anyone's doing. When you have purpose, you're busy and you've got your shit going on. You' worried about what anybody else is doing. So you kind of realize where that hurt and that negative is coming from. So I'm kind of like, if I can help one person, if I'm. I can put myself out there, I'm comfortable. Like, I'm okay with it. Like, I'm pretty. I've always had a thick skin. Yeah. I think growing up, you know, Latino, you're a little different. The culture, the this, you know, there was always a little bit of having to have a little bit of that thicker skin. So I have been on camera and I've been on TV where I can, you know, I mean, I feel a little more comfortable, that sense. Yeah. But it's never easy to hear negative. I would be lying if I said, oh, it's just, oh, I don't care. Nobody wants to hear that. But I do try to remember, God, what place do you have to be in? Honestly? Yeah, to be, you know what I mean, commenting or whatever. So I kind of realized, again, if I just put it out there, if I say it first, you can't gossip about it. Like, that's true.

And what I love about you and your content, because I love original accounts, like, so. And I'm guilty, too, about them. Every now and then I'll do a trend because I think it's funny or whatever. But what I love is that you are really just speaking from your heart, what's on your mind, and you're sharing. And I think that's what makes your stuff so appealing. I think it gets damaging when women are just fully randomly scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and thinking that they have to now create something to match that or whatever. Because that's that comparison thing. So I'm curious, like, your social media habits, just in general, like, are you a scroller? Are you intentional? Like, how do you keep it as a positive place for your outlet and to share without it sucking you in? Right.

I would say, honestly, so sorry, the phone is ringing. I hope you don't hear that. I would say, honestly, so I will scroll. I don't follow accounts of, like, I don't follow big influencers. Like, I don't follow, you know, super unattainable things like that. To me, I have no interest in watching people wearing Valentino crossing the street. Like, to me, it's a little bit like, I don't like the filters. I don't like the show off like that. To me I actually really like very normal people. I follow more like normal moms normal, you know, accounts like you like fitness and health and things that are people talking about intelligent things like I'm definitely not scrolling watching tick tock dances. Like I am very intentional. I do believe social media was meant to. To learn something. Right. It's supposed to be there to help and teach and community. So I'm like I usually spend a lot of my time responding. I will spend like I spend most of my time reading the DMs and responding because I for me, I love the community. That's what I love.

It's for you. You're getting something out of that too.

I am.

It's like I'm talking about.

I really do. I love that. And then for you know, all the content and stuff, it's like we, you know, I try to be as just as authentic and real as possible. You know, I know that people want to kind of see the clothes. I know there's people who want to.

See clothes I love.

Thank you. I mean I love it. Like that's my stuff that like I love getting dressed. Like I can't wait to pick out an outfit. Like I think it's so fun. Even if I'm doing nothing, it puts a smile. Like look at me, I'm smiling this bit talking about it.

You put. And I love. And that's your content every day. I mean you get your. You probably don't get stuck because you just, you get dressed into something fabulous and then you just give everyone a little pep talk about it and you share.

It's like we get up. We. It's like you. I kind of found my routine and my, you know, like how to make it work that I'm not sitting and scrolling. Yes. There's definitely days where, you know, you want to get inspired too. I'm sure you just you know, like where you are creating content and you want to hear music and you want to find, you know, the different like you like I do too. Like there might be something that's fun and funny and. But I think at the end of the day I personally love the no filters. The real seeing people at home dealing with real situations, things that I can actually relate to is what I personally like to watch.

That makes sense. Yeah. And I will say that most videos that do well on social are actually not trends. People just happen to see the trends but like the ones that really actually reach people and Make a difference are the ones that are just coming from the heart and are an actual real give and a share versus just like doing a dance or a trend or something like that.

Agreed. Yeah. I think I'd rather have value add value in some way. Yeah, yeah.

What. So what is your goal for midlife women? Like, what would you. If you were to. If you could just, like, wave a magic wand and what do you want them to know? What would you love to do? See changing with midlife women?

You know, I'd love to. I would love to see. First of all, I'm like, I would. I want to see women happy. And that's just genuine, whatever that really means to you. Because I do think happiness and success has a very different issue, different definition to all of us. And it's really understanding. Like, to me, I feel like I've won the lot. Like, I feel super. I'm not making 10 million. I'm not living on a yacht. I'm not hanging out with Jay Z, you know, in St. Tropez. But I was like. But I feel like I feel so successful because I feel happy every day, because I feel content every day. And I just want to bring back women feeling happy in their normal lives because I think we've normalized unhappiness. I think we've normalized women hating their husbands, hating their lives. We all make jokes, like, I hate them. I want to get to. And everything's become kind of miserable. And I just would love to bring happy back. I would love to bring positivity and women feeling empowered, women feeling like they can change, they can pivot. I want you to know, like, there's no age limit and no time limit to happiness. Like, there just isn't. And that the fact that if you're feeling in any way lost or bored or not like your best self, that there is an option for you, like, you can get back up and you can, you know, you can change, and you can find you can literally live your second best half. Like, you really can.

Yeah.

So it's really just reminding women that you do have power and a voice and a choice.

So I think I realized recently that we're the first generation that we're told that we could have it all. And I think this is what created part of the problem. If you think about it, like, we were the first latchkey kids that were told, you could be a mom, you could have a job, you could do, you could look fabulous, like, you could do all these things. And then what that did was, yes, that opened up doors for us, but it also put us into this comparison mode. And I think that's part of the spiral happening at our age right now. Because we're like, okay, we were told we can have all these things, and now do I not have enough? It's like, still this.

Well, my mom. My mom. My mom thinks that we all screwed ourselves. She's like, who thought that you should be working and taking care of everybody? She was like, she's like, feminism. Like, she was like, laughing because she was like, I just had to cook dinner. I don't know why you've made yourself, like, halftime. Right. It was just kind of funny. But I was like, it's so true. Like, we've opened this door.

Yeah.

Now women are making just, you know, working just as much as men. Or are you seeing more women working and the men are at home? Like, you see this change of dynamics, and what's funny is the ones. And I'm going to tell you this genuinely because I think this is something that women don't realize. We are so used to these very specific social roles, and we're not all happy doing them. And I realized, like, some men aren't even happy doing their role. And I realized, like, John loves to cook. Like, John doesn't mind doing the cooking and all the stuff like, where, you know, I have a lot of friends, that the women are actually the most powerful ones, like, are the ones with the big jobs. And the husbands are more like, you know, photographer, this or that important, great jobs, but they're not, you know, it isn't. The wife is really more that pivotal point. And the husband's, you know, my husband goes to pick up, drop off, like, where I'm the one working, filming events, doing things. But it works for us. And I don't think 10 years ago, I don't even think that I would have thought that was an option. Like, I. John was so stressed out at work, like, working like a savage. But was he really happy? I don't know. And right now he is happier like you. Like, it's weird. It's funny. Sometimes our specific roles aren't necessarily fulfilling to all of us. And it's okay for you to change the dynamics so that it does work for you, because I think a lot of marriages would be a lot happier if you were just honest with each other about what makes you happy and what your roles could be. Because it doesn't have to be the typical role. Like, you like to work.

No, I love that. I love that you described it sort of as a happy filter, though, too, that you had this conversation about. Like, let's put this filter of, like, what makes us happy. I did that recent thing with my, with my husband. We didn't call it a happy filter, but we had a talk on our anniversary about, like, hey, what? We just asked each other, like, our vision, like, if everything, if nothing was a worry, like, if there was no financial issue or whatever, like, what would you want in the next year? Like, where would you want to go? What would you want to do? And it was interesting to hear, like, what he wanted, like, what his dream was. I didn't even actually know, but to see how he lit up about it and it's like, it made me want to help him achieve that.

Yes, exactly.

Same other way around. I think, are we having those conversations enough with people in our lives? I don't think we're not.

We're not. And I think a lot of men and women, a lot of marriages are married for 20 years, and the other one doesn't even know what the one actually wants to be doing. Like, for real. We all just get married. Everyone's rushing to get married and have kids. Everyone's rushing to the end. I have no idea why. I'm like, travel, make money, know who you are, date. Like, are you crazy? Like, marriage and kids are hard. Like, have fun. And then when you actually know who you are and you can have real conversations and you actually have real communication, that's how a marriage works. It does not work, you know, I mean, because he makes you stressed out and you think it's butterflies in your stomach and you think it's, you know, passion is not love, and passion is not long lasting. It's just not so true. So it's like when you can really have these conversations. Like, John and I, like, we've had some brutal conversations where. But we're stronger for it because now we actually are working from the truth rather than both of us living a lie.

Now, how does your husband feel about you being so public online and sharing all the things. Does he love it? Does he think it's.

He loves it. He's fine. Yeah. Like, there's ones in a blue moon where he'll be like, oh, God, you know, I mean, like, did he really say that or do it? But it's funny. He doesn't care about the me being in my bra and underwear. He doesn't care. Like, he's like, do. That's the one thing he has always, always said to me, like, I want you to be happy, whatever that means. Like, I want you to be happy. And like, for me, this makes me happy. So he's happy. So it's like, you know, at the end of the day, it's about wanting to see each other happy and winning. Right. Like, you said you wanted to help him.

Yeah.

This is where he felt like, I want to help you like this. I know you're happy. So how can I help?

That's so good. Okay, tell us about the jewelry. Because if you're not, watch. If you're listening on audio, you don't see on YouTube right now. But she, like, she is known for her bangles and her necklaces. And you said you feel naked without them. Is that always been a thing? Is this a new thing? Do you just collect them? Tell us about that.

So jewels. I have always been a jewelry and a handbag girl, so I don't really care as much about the clothes, which is funny. Like, I could find killer outfit, target, and be perfectly happy. Okay. Like, I, you know, I mean, but I like the jewels, I'll be honest. And I love handbags. So with the jewelry, I always have worn. My dad's Cuban, so he wears the gold chains, you know, and charms. And like my mom always was with the red lipstick covered in jewels. And it's funny, I've always loved jewelry. Like, there's a photo of me, I think, when I'm like 5 years old and I had a ring on every single finger. Not joking. So 100% born this way. Yeah. Look at this. Like, but I also became. Yes, has a little bit more added on, for sure. Is this extreme? Without a doubt. But I just love it and it just makes me happy.

Do you sleep with it all? Do you?

Like, I work out, I sleep, I.

Swim, sleep with like my aura ring. I struggle, I take it off in the middle.

I'm kidding everything. Like, I woke up like this, not joking in my bed. And I'm you. I think you get used to it, honestly. Like, I think it's just because then when I have to take everything off for a massage or for something.

Luckily, an mri. You're in there for like an hour.

Oh, the MRI was a joke. I mean, the guy was like, can you. I'm like, you. This is going to take a while. I was like, but the truth at the end of the day, because I know it can be kind of judgy. I know some people think it's too much, you know, or people.

I love it. I just, I think. I just think comfort Like, I wouldn't know, but people.

I get comments for sure like that. And I'm. For me, I'm always like, number one, if I'm too much, absolutely go, please find less happy. Like, feel free. I have no, like, I'm not making you stay. But I think genuinely, it's like, it just makes me happy. And there's pieces from my mom that make me feel like. Just makes me feel close to her. There's things that a lot of them have meaning. Some things I've designed and had made.

Your version of tattoos, honestly, it is.

I just love it and it makes me happy. I'm not hurting anybody. You know what I mean? Like, at the end of the day, I think people. It's like, it's not bothering you.

I'm just happy and I love it. Yeah, it's great.

Thank you.

I. I absolutely love your cat. If you're not following her, you have got to go follow her. Are you the same handle on all the platforms?

Shop, Shop, Shop with Caroline.

Yeah, with Shop with Caroline. You can find her.

Shop with Caroline. And then being Caroline on TikTok, and.

She is so funny and she tells you how it is and she will motivate the heck out of you. Every morning, I. You're literally my first thing I look at in the morning. I go, I go.

It means everything.

Like, I gotta look at what she posted today, what she's saying, what's she wearing, what's she doing, how's she gonna.

It means so much, babe. Honestly, like, you know, truthfully, and I just want women to know, if you don't mind me just saying this at the end, you know, I was a mom sitting on a couch four and a half years ago, thinking that there was no opportunities for me. Like, I thought it was just gonna be me going to pick up and drop off and volunteering at school, you know, feeling slightly overweight, blah, blah, blah. Like, just kind of like, okay, I guess this is it. Like, I remember thinking, I guess this is it. And to be sitting here talking to you on this incredible podcast, you know, having all the opportunities that have been, you know, open to me. Like, there's, you know, there's things coming up that when I say, are just mind blowing to me, like, I. I just can't believe I was sitting on a couch and that I might be sitting on this couch in a few weeks. You know, I mean, like, it's. It's one of those things where it just shows you anything is possible. You absolutely can make a change. You can learn. You can pivot, you can grow, and you are not stuck. I just want women to know if I can. You can. I can promise you that.

Thank you so much. Caroline. This was.

Thank you.

Amazing. Thank you.

Thank you. I'm honestly, I'm honored to be here, so thank you.