Living Free, Worthy, Loved and Fabulous with Sloan Lauinger

Hi, I'm Natalie Jill, fat loss expert turned lifestyle and high performance coach. Welcome to Listen up the podcast. On this podcast, I do what I do best. Taking complicated information that is relevant to us now and breaking it down simply with actionable steps you can implement to level up your life. I also regularly interview some of the most inspiring and courageous men and women on the planet who at their worst, learned how to achieve success greater than anything they ever, ever dreamed possible. Creating everything from nothing. If you are new here, I encourage you to go back and listen from episode one, when this podcast was previously called Leveling up for the Full Transformative Experience. Before we get started on this episode, I've got to tell you about this new wine discovery that I had. I mean, who doesn't like wine? And this is my sponsor for this episode, Dry Farm Wines. Listen, I love wine, but over the years I don't drink a lot of it. And the truth is, because I'm into health, I'm into fitness, and usually with wine, there's too much sugar. It makes me have cravings, which I eat too much food, then I don't like the way that I feel the next day. The sulfites don't do well with me, just too much going on. But I recently learned about dry farm wine, which is incredible. It's organically farmed, there's no industrial additives, no sugar. Zero sugar. You heard me correct. Lower alcohol, lower sulfites, only wild yeast and no irrigation is used. This wine is so good. So many to choose from and I'm enjoying so much of this. It's paleo, it's keto friendly, and like I said, no sugar, no hangovers. Check them out. You can learn more about them at dry farm wines.com today I've got my friend Sloane Lauenger and I can't wait to chat with her today because not only is she a friend of mine, she is a coach, a creator, she's a finance pro, she's a founder of a coaching program called Magnetic Self. And she is also a co founder of Groomer and George, which is an organic luxury dog line. So she is total entrepreneur, business guru. But what I love so much about her is that her, she lives the work that she teaches, which is to be free, worthy, loved and fabulous. I mean, who doesn't want to be free, worthy, loved and fabulous? So she not only lives it, but she walks the walk. She teaches how to walk the walk. And she thrives in supporting already strong women to break unhealthy patterns in relationships. So they can become their most magnetic self. So I am so curious. I don't even know her full story. So I can't wait to dive in today and figure out what makes her tick, how she got into this and learn some great things for all of us. So thanks for being here, Sloan.

Thank you so much for having me. It is such an honor. And yeah, we are going to have so much fun. So.

Okay. When I met you, you already pretty much had it together. I know you said you didn't, but you already pretty much had it together. But you still so committed to doing deeper work, deeper personal development and just going layer upon layer so you can fully thrive in this work. But can you take us back to like, who were you before you started that journey? Like, before I knew you, before this work even took over with you, before.

I stepped into this work, I was still the same person. However, I had lost a bit of myself. So I was someone who always had like a strong work ethic, confidence about myself. I was in a relationship for seven years and at the time, which would have been four years ago, that I decided like certain things are working, but a couple big things were not. I just, I lost myself. I kind of felt dead inside. I'd let myself become moldable to an experience that once served me, like the me like 10 years ago, but not the present me. And I couldn't really figure out what it was. But as time goes on, it's like we are our experiences and we layer those experiences one on top of the next and soon we lose pieces of ourselves unless we're consciously aware of who we be on the daily. And I quite honestly, I felt a little lost when I started the work. And my goal was just to get back to figuring out who I was, what I wanted, instead of being caught up in someone else's world.

So, so many times when people feel lost, they start going on a search and when you ask them what they want, they just say, I just want to be happy or I just want to find my purpose. Is that what called to you or was it something else?

Really wasn't that like I was still in the process of like, I'd been in the financial services industry as a licensed broker for about seven years and I was doing management consulting and business coaching and I was align with that at the time. However, my relationship at the time just wasn't as fulfilling as it once was. When I started that relationship, I was 28 years old. Five, six, seven years had gone by and people's visions change and in A matter of that period of time too. It's like a lot of people have different things that go on stressors that people handle differently. People's character comes out in different ways. People start treating each other differently and something just was not sitting with me. Even though I was in a relationship with someone I considered to be my best friend. So I was like, is it me? Is it the other person? What is it? And I always take a look at myself and I'm the mirror and I'm like, what am I responsible for? I'm responsible for my happiness, for feeling good. And I wasn't feeling good. So it wasn't really a search of like purpose. It was just to feel better. Which is kind of one of my mantras with people. Or when people come to me, I'm like, do you feel good baseline? Do you feel good in your skin, your body, your heart, your mind? Because what's inside is a direct reflection of what shows up on the outside. What I would say though, like the catalyst to me doing what I do today, like, which I really only stepped into about a year ago. I've been coaching for the past five years, but only stepped into coaching women in this way in terms of breaking unhealthy relationship patterns, which can mean two things. Exiting a relationship or just becoming. Creating difference within the relationship you're in. I was in a life threatening car accident and I realized when I came out the other side of that I was a different person in terms of how I was showing up and who I was attracting. And I thought to myself, I'm like, when I'm in this state of pure vulnerability, I'm attracting more of the people who are right for me and repelling who is who I thought should be in my world long term kind of thing, who wasn't showing up for me. Which then led me on this wide open discovery and heightened self awareness because I had PTSD after my rollover car accident. And when you're in a heightened state of awareness, you're just hyper aware to what's going on around you. I'm like, there's other people who were going through what I was going through, but they didn't know it at the time. And this is kind of my point. I, I didn't know what I was going through at the time. It took like a catalyst for me to figure out what it was in order to really start doing the work, moving forward.

Back up just a minute so I can make sure that I understand and that we're, I'm getting the Right. We're getting the right messaging across. So you're saying when you had this accident which was catastrophic, this was like a life or death experience. So are you saying that that's when you started taking an inventory of like everyone in your life and saying, wow, the people I thought would show up are not showing up and the people that I never expected would. Would. Is that what you're saying?

That is, that's more or less what I'm saying. Like four years ago is when I decided to make a massive change in my life. And I knew that what was going on in my like spousal relationship at that time wasn't working. But it really wasn't until a year later that my eyes started opening a lot wider. And even when you think that you are showing up and being authentic and being vulnerable and being true to yourself, there's always a layer deeper to go. Right? So it's like anytime someone maybe comes to you and they're not sure about their purpose, what they want to execute, what their vision is, it's because we lack clarity because there's so much stacked on top of us. And at that time I just had a trigger that popped the top off of me actually having to pay attention and getting more clear because I was kind of in a state of fight or flight oftentimes. And like part of the work I do is working with people's subconscious. How I self healed myself from that accident was through lucid dreaming and conscious disassociation. It's like when we are in our analytical minds, we can still tell ourselves like, this is a logical thing to do. We're super high functioning people, so we'll just put one foot in front of the next. And this is what keeps people stuck in relationships that don't serve them. You can tolerate a lot until the pain is so intolerably bad. And this brings me back to this accident as well. Like I started exiting this relationship probably five or six months earlier, but it really wasn't until that point in time that I was just not letting go for whatever reason and the other person wasn't. And it took this catastrophic event to shake things up, to show us who we really were at that time. And then once you realize who people really are, you're like, oh, this is how you manage this. Who am I? How are we showing up? That kind of thing.

So what did you do when you real. And also, can you explain a little bit about the lucid dreaming? And you said something else conscious, what did you call it?

Consciousness association so if you could tell.

Us a little bit about those things, like what those mean, and then what did you actually do? Like, what were the things that you took? So, because I know there's a lot of people listening, they're like, okay, I'm having those same awarenesses in my life. And there are some people in my life that really shouldn't be there. I've got to change some relationships, start attracting the right people. So I want to ask you some questions about that.

Totally well with. And this, this is all connected in terms of like, who you be, how you show up in the world. And when we wake up and we're in our conscious minds and we face the day, it's kind of like driving to the mail or driving to the grocery store. We can do it with our eyes shut that we've done it so many times. Same thing with putting our makeup on, putting clothes on. But it's like, is that working for you? Which is where this lucid dreaming and conscious disassociation piece comes in. And also just the inner dialogue that we speak to with ourselves. But after this accident and when you are in like a state of PTSD or hyper awareness, or if you're someone who's just tense and you're used to living in like a super stressed environment, you're just on. So it's like what I knew to do was just do what felt good, and that was sleeping or that was resting. And it wasn't until probably 10 months into my life after this accident that I realized I was healing myself. When I was in this relaxed state, which I've lucid dreamed since I was a child. Conscious disassociation is basically like guiding someone into a state where you put their body to sleep and you keep their mind awake. And the point of all of that goes back to unlayering all the things that you think you want and you think you're okay with and getting to the things you really want. Right. So it's like being able to access and unpack what's stacked in your subconscious mind, which we don't do in our waking lives because our analytical mind keeps us safe. And going back to the relationship piece too, people can tolerate a lot in relationships because you can talk yourself into and out of any situation. You can rationalize absolutely anything. The matter of fact is you just sometimes forget what you want. Right. That's why these pieces of like, let's unpack this in our sleep, or let's go into the state of conscious disassociation so we can actually remember and have things resurface. It's like telling yourself, I don't want to get married or have a baby because that's what the story that you've told yourself in real life. But in reality, something like that resurfaces in your dream because that's what you really want. Which is just one example. But it's like you can't cheat the desires of your heart. That's why you really need to calm the outside noise in order to get clear. Or you're just going to keep walking through life like I did until I had this massive accident. Because you can't outsmart what you really want, you know.

So if you were to put this kind of in a sequence, you would say it's so critical to find out what you actually want. But you've got to do it by quieting your mind first. Is that correct?

Correct. Or like detoxing your life essentially, which is a little bit easier of a place to start than going straight into, okay, I'm going to learn this state of conscious disassociation. And by quieting your mind and detoxing your life, it can be just like the language you use and the people in your life and doing the work as we do.

So talk to me about detoxifying your life. Like you said, that's a little bit easier to do. Like what are some steps that somebody would do to do that?

In a very literal sense, unprocessed foods. So it's like absolutely everything that your seven day job start is. So when I started my process of detoxing my life 11 years ago, I'm like normal processed foods, eat whole foods. The words I speak, the way I move my body, the conversations I have, it's all very basic things like that. And I know it's easier for some people and not for others because at this point in many of our lives we share environments with people. And you can influence your environment around you, but your environment also influences you. So I would say those are like the basic small steps to take and just changing, changing who is in your life on a very basic level.

Now how do people do that when the person in their life that they're realizing is like not ideal for them is a family member or a spouse or like how. What do you advise when that's coming up for people?

I would say, and I've done this, someone's behavior and who they be has turned into a toxic being in your world. You get to really learn to heal your nervous system and be non Reactive and be a calm person and not engage. You can still listen with one ear, just don't engage. Or if you're required to engage, really be conscious of things like your tone of voice and the words you use. And when I was going through a really tough time in my relationship where I felt just because words are impact too, you can. How do I want to say this? Like, you can override an emotion by exaggerating an emotion. So it's like if you come out of a situation where you're just even witnessing someone, like come off a big stressor and it's not on you or at you or about you, but this person is blowing up and you feel it. Go for a walk, leave the environment, and just heighten and over express joy or happiness. I'm not saying bypass whatever the emotion or the experience is, but you can rewrite the cells on your body when you need to. I'd say someone has someone in their environment and that's a problem. Leave the environment, literally. Go for a walk and just override your system until that's your actual state of being.

Which is so interesting because I think that when we're in that heightened sense, when someone triggers us or we feel this, it's coming on, the natural tendency is to react. So even if you know, like, okay, I need to go for a walk, I need to take a deep breath. I gotta go get myself grounded, that response of wanting to respond can feel so great.

I know. And I'm just like thinking. I'm like, I am the person who has really learned to exercise patience. When I was a child, I used to pick up a hairbrush and throw it at the wall because I had a temper. So the addiction to reacting is exciting for me. Although it's like when you get to the point and you're like, this drains so much energy, or this experience is making my hair fall out, or me break out in cystic acne or my guts, like there's a problem, right? So if you resist and play into whatever the experiences, you can do that until your body breaks down. And then at that point, then you will decide to change if it gets that bad.

And that breakdown for you was more the accident, is that correct?

The massive breakdown was the accident. But prior to that it was losing my hair and my skin was breaking out and I couldn't sleep. That's why I have been on this intent mission to learn how to really sleep and sleep well. Because there was a period of time where things were really not good in my relationship. And I was addicted to sleeping pills. And obviously that's not a good thing because you wake up and you're foggy and you're in this cycle and just not good. I've had both. And for me, a bit of an extremist, which is why I was given this accident, to shake me like the F up, essentially, because the prior, like gentle nudges of like, okay, you're not sleeping at night, you're breaking out, your hair's falling out in pieces. That wasn't enough for me. So my suggestion is to really pay close attention to your body, which comes back to like the Detox youx Life thing.

Yeah. Okay, so salon. If you were to give women listening and men listening, just sort of like kind of tie up the method into a nutshell. Like, do these three things or do these five things. Like to detoxify your life, to start thriving, to start stepping into all those things that you embody and you empower. Can you break that up for us? Like, what would you say? Like, do these. Do these things? And I know that's. I'm trying to black and white all of the gray, but I want to make sure we're covering the takeaways so people have some real tangible things to.

Walk away with 100%. The one thing I will say in advance of that this is two parted in terms of healing unhealthy patterns in relationships and becoming your most magnetic self. So they're two and the same kind of things. But the tangible takeaways, I would say.

That way, like part one, part two. So step one, you've got to break away, correct.

Step one, not necessarily even break away from your relationship. But like decide. Decide what the new standard is. Decide to detox your life, look after your body, and heal your nervous system. That is an all in one, basically. And the detox your life step, words, energy, body, basic thing. And it's so simple because you can use yourself as a barometer. And all you really need to do is ask yourself, does this feel good in the moment, yes or no. And go from there. So the Detox youx Life piece, number one, number two, is your language, of course. So it's your self talk. It's the way in which you communicate with your mind, your body, your words, with yourself, with other people, with the rest of your world. You are an energy conductor for absolutely everything in your life. So once you have yourself as this clean and clear channel from the process of detoxing your life, you get to put that into motion in embodied communication. Words Body energy, then that gives you really the third piece, which when you're a clean and clear channel, when you are consciously aware of how you're communicating, you get into this place of rock solid self trust, which is the whole point. And when you are in this state of rock solid self trust, you no longer are living in a state of fear. So in a nutshell, those are the three things. And when you're in rock solid self trust, you show up as your truest expression of yourself and you're magnetic to the world.

That's so good. That's so good. What do you want women to know? You got your one line or your one, like you have your last breath on earth. What do you want them to know?

Whatever you want is possible. Period. End of story.

I love that. And I'm sure when you say that, the excuses start coming in. What do you say to that?

I would say, why? To me, anything that is a limiting belief is just a lie. It really is. And I don't know, my whole life I've been like, no doesn't actually mean no. If someone else can do it, I can do it. If I can dream it, it's literally possible. And people's limiting beliefs come from a place of hurt, right? So be kind to yourself and just change your mind. And if you're having a hard time changing your mind, get around a group of people who are like your biggest cheerleaders and can support you getting to either the start line or the finish line. Because there are so many people in the world that just want to help you. And that's like essentially how I decided to start doing this and get out of doing management consulting. I'm like, I've been fulfilled to a degree, but I'm like, I want to help who I was when I was the most in, pardon me, the most amount of pain and when I was in the most amount of pain was when I was in this relationship and I wasn't showing up as the truest expression of myself. And I wasn't allowing myself to be like the free, worthy, loved, fabulous person that I am. And yeah, that's what I want for everyone else.

So good. I love this. This was so helpful. Sloan, I will link up below where you can find Salon in all the places so you can follow her, learn more for her. Thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen in as my guest today. If you found this episode valuable, please share it with friends and on social media. I don't advertise this show, so I rely on word of mouth and reviews to get it out in the world. The biggest thank you that you can give me is leaving me a review. And a nice one. I hope. By the way, this is how others find these episodes. If you do leave me a review, be sure to Message me@supportataliejofitness.com with a screenshot of your review because I would love to send you a free digital download of my DSR journal as a thank you. And please don't forget to connect with me on social media at Natalie Jill Fit on Instagram and Facebook.