Self Empowerment is the Key to Aging Well with Dr. Cheryl Wood

Today on Midlife Conversations, I can't wait to dive into this conversation with Dr. Cheryl Wood because talk about representing midlife and what she's accomplished and what she generated and started at the beginning of midlife and how she's thriving now. Thank you so much for being here today, Cheryl.

Oh my goodness. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.

So let's dive in. So when you were 39, you left what you were comfortable with. You started a journey into something new, something unknown. So let's talk about that.

Yeah. So I started my journey of pursuing a different reality at about the age of 39. My kids at the time were babies. I had three kids who were five and under. And so I was doing what I felt like I had to do in life versus what my heart was craving for. And at the time, my heart was really craving for three primary things, which was time freedom, financial freedom, and creative freedom. And at the time I was working a full time job and I just was not getting those things from that job. Now, you know, I thank God for the job because it paid the bills. But you get to a certain point, I believe in your life where number one, you want more. Number two, you want to set an example for your kids of what going after your dream really looks like. And number three, you don't just want to exist, you really want to live. And that's the space that I was in. So I didn't know the how. I wasn't sure how to go about creating this new reality in life. But I definitely had the drive and I had the commitment to start something that I would be willing to figure it out until I cross the finish line.

So what you just shared. So many women I know listening right now even are navigating, walking through this because we have this little spark inside us, this desire, this longing for something more. But that reality sets in with, but these are my circumstances. But this is what's happening. This is what I should be grateful for. This is what I should be appreciating. Who am I to go for something else? I mean, I'm assuming you were experiencing some of those thoughts.

Oh my times 10. I felt all of those emotions. And to be very honest, based on my background, I grew up in a background of poverty. I came from scarcity. I grew up in an inner city housing project as a young girl. So I didn't see a lot of abundance around me growing up. And there was nobody who was really telling me in my community that I could be a giant in the world. And I could transform lives and make great money and create wealth. And so that was already lingering in the back of my mind. And so, yeah, I had a full time job that paid me about $75,000 a year. And I didn't want to rock the boat. Sure. Who grew up in poverty? It was paying the bills. And of course my kids like to eat three times a day.

And you're taught in poverty that that's a lot of money. So you're thinking, probably, I gotta be, I must be grateful for this.

That's it. And to add to that, I didn't have a college degree, so I really felt like, oh, I better just be quiet and be grateful and be happy instead of pursuing what my heart is craving, which is there's something bigger that you're supposed to be doing in the world. And we know when you're going to do something bigger in the world. It doesn't come with any guarantees. Sure, I wanted to do something, pursue something different, but in the back of my mind it was like, well, girl, if you let go of this full time job to pursue something new, how do you know the bills are going to get paid? Is your marriage going to stay together or break apart? Because one of the biggest reasons marriages break apart is finances. So is that going to be something that's going to interfere with this marriage and this and everything that you have going? And that was a real challenge for me to get out of my head to say, you know what, if you're going to get more, if you're going to be greater than you are now, you've got to be willing to give something up in order to get something new. So you got to release something in order in order to receive something.

So growing up the way that you did and having that belief set, how did you even get that spark of. There could be something else. Were you reading something, did you come across somebody like, where did that come in? And then. And then how did your family come in around this and. Or your friends and even supporting that, Were they supportive cheerleaders or were they naysayers trying to bring you back into another direction?

Yeah, man, such good questions. So the spark came from. Yes. Reading about stories of people who were just like me or similar to me and started from nothing, but built these amazing empires. So I'm like, the more I read about those stories, which is why representation is so important, you know, being able to see people who look like you, who are doing bigger things than you, even though they came from a similar environment, is so Critical, because it did. It was the model for me to say, if they can, then why can't I? You know, maybe it's possible. And I believe we only just need a little sparkle, like you said, just a little glimmer of hope and some consistency and some commitment and discipline and we really can have greater. So as I started that journey, here I am in my mid mid years with a stable job and benefits and a marriage and kids. You know, my husband, he was, he was a little bit apprehensive. He's like, wait, wait, wait. So you're trying to, like you're trying to completely change the game and do.

Something different and pursue with three kids under five.

Exactly. Who are dependent upon your income coming into this household so that we can maintain our living status, Right?

Yes.

Which wasn't a. It wasn't some grandiose status, but to pay the bills.

Yes.

And that was hard because I had my own head trash about whether or not this thing I wanted to pursue could work. And. And then I had his head trash on top of that. And then I'm looking at these three kids thinking, oh my God, if I fail, if I mess up, what the heck is going to happen? And so it was a lot to take into consideration. Did I have a whole lot of friends around me who were cheering for me to say go for it? No. To be very honest, I had to go find that community. And the way I found that community was by putting myself in spaces with other people who were crazy, just like me, crazy enough to take some risks. So they understood that it was. Should be uncomfortable and unfamiliar and that you've got to do some things that are very risky. So they spoke my language. So I would go to these networking, business, networking events and I would hear other people saying that they took risks. Like I was talking to, I'm like, oh, wait, you left your job too. Oh, you did this thing, you took this chance, you put this much money into for a possibility of something greater. Okay, now I'm around my people, the right people who are not going to talk me out of the idea, but who instead are going to help usher me into the idea.

That's so. I love that you just shared that because who we surround ourselves with is everything. And in fact, I met Cheryl in a group. We met. We were in a couple of different groups together actually, and that's how we met because we were both striving to uplevel and be around different people. And I always look at that because there's so many people operating from circumstance. And they just know their surroundings. They just know who's around them. What do you recommend for those people? Because I think some people, they hear this and they go, okay, but. But my whole network now, how. Where do you recommend they even start to attract themselves to, you know, these other mindsets, these other ways?

Yeah, I mean, I think two things. Number one, reading as much as you possibly can so that you can start to shift your mindset and then start saying words that are different. So for me, I started speaking mantras and affirmations in my life. And I'm going to be very honest, I didn't believe none of the crap I was saying when I first said felt like crap. It was like, yeah, why am I doing this? Because I still had to get up and go to the job that I didn't love anymore. Even though.

Give me an example, Cheryl. Like, what is something you said that you were like?

I would wake up in the morning, I would say, cheryl, you are a magnet for success. You are a magnet for wealth. You are a magnet for all great things. There's somebody in the world who is waiting for you to show up so that you can help transform their lives. Oh, so. And then I would burst out laughing like, my God, are you kidding? Girl, get up and get to this job so you can get.

Oh, my gosh.

So it was like I was speaking. Trying to speak life into something that hadn't birthed yet. But there was a part of me that was like, this isn't. This isn't real. Yes, their way into success. But what I didn't know until probably six to eight months later was that my subconscious mind was shifting because I was fueling it with new thoughts and new ideas that. That I had never done before. And even though on the surface initially I didn't believe it, there was something happening inside of me that I could not deny. Because I started fueling myself. A different talk in a different language I love. That is what led me to go out and seek the groups and the people that I really wanted to be around. Yeah.

Because, you know, we have this surround sound, I call it, that plays this loop in our brain, and it can come from our childhood, it can come from teachers, it can come from our friends. But we play that over and over, and if we don't interrupt it with something extreme, we're going to keep playing that surround sound.

That's it. I always say you got to unplug from the toxic, from the negative. But the question, the bigger question is once you unplug what are you plugging into? Like, if I take one of these lights around me and unplug it, then I don't have the light anymore. So I've got to find a new socket to plug into.

Yes.

What is the new socket that you're plugging into? And so for me, I started being intentional about paying attention to various business networking groups that were having events. And I would go to my full time job, drop the babies off at home after I pick them up from daycare, and then go to the networking event. Wow. So it wasn't convenient, it wasn't easy, it wasn't quick, it wasn't free. It was none of those things.

No.

The hardest things I had, I ever did. But you're talking about creating a life you've never lived before. So if I'm.

And your vision was bigger than your circumstance, you were not going to let it get in your way.

That's it. That's it. And I had to be. I had to be willing to put some skin in the game or as I like to say, make more deposits so that I could eventually get a withdrawal.

Sure.

Okay.

So what, what were some of the ha. Like, what was this idea that you had? Like, what was that first business idea?

Okay. I had no clue what the business idea was. Oh. All I knew was I wanted a different reality and I felt like there was something there, but I didn't even know how to unearth it. So my belief is that when you get in motion, the universe, God will conspire on your behalf, but you've got to be in motion. So my in motion was, Cheryl, find something that you love that you're passionate about right now and just start a business around that. Like, you don't have to have all the answers. I didn't go to business school. I didn't have a degree. I didn't know where to start. But at the time, I was so passionate about motherhood because I had suffered with infertility my entire adult life and was told by doctor after doctor after doctor, I would never have kids. God had a different plan. I had these three beautiful children and I'm like, okay, so I'm so passionate about motherhood. So I created a T shirt business around motherhood called Moms are the Best. I still work my full time job and on the weekends and evenings I would go to events, I would set up a vendor table, and I would have all these T shirts that had slogans that celebrated motherhood and womanhood. And I was just trying to get my Feet wet. As an entrepreneur, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know why the heck I was selling T shirts. I just knew in order to get something different, you got to do something different.

So, Cheryl, were you, I want to get in your mindset of that time because you were obviously doing a lot of the right things, but were you thinking of a longer vision or were you just, like, it. Was it one day at a time? I just want to because. And the reason I'm asking this is sometimes people will say, okay, I've got this little fire inside. I've got this passion. I want to do this. But they get so caught up in the how and the details that they never started. So I'm wondering, like, was your brain going to, okay, it's three years from now, it's five years from now. Now this is what I'm chasing. This is what I'm after. Or were you like, literally each day at a time, I'm. I'm genuinely curious, like, how. How was your brain operating around that?

Yeah, at that time, it was just kind of one day at a time. I didn't get the longer vision, longer gain until years later. Then I was like, oh, I don't. I see myself somewhere different in five years. But at that time, it was just like, look, can I try to create something that replaces my full time income so that I can be home full time for my kids? Like, I want it to be a very present, engaged, active mother, but I also wanted to be a happy mother. I didn't want to be the mom who was racing off to the job that I hated just to pay the bills. And then my kids get the worst parts of me. So for me, it was just one day at a time at that time. And so I would go out in these, these events, these trade shows and conferences and events and try to sell T shirts. And sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, but I just wouldn't give up. There was something about this fire that was in me that I was, like, determined. I will not give up. And it was 18 months later that I got a phone call from someone unexpectedly. And they introduced themselves as someone who was representing Morgan State University, which is up in Baltimore, where I was from. And they said, we heard about your T shirt business. We love what you're doing. And I was like, wait a minute now here's the thing. How would they have heard about my T shirt business unless I started the T shirt business? I was actually going to the events and doing T shirts. So even though I thought nothing was happening, behind the scenes, things were happening and people were paying attention. So they invited me to come to Morgan State, where they host this annual women's conference. And they said, we'd love for you to do a session to teach other women and moms in the community how to start their own businesses. And do you know what I did, Natalie? I burst out laughing, and I was like, clearly, you have dialed the wrong number.

Oh, my gosh.

Not a speaker. That was my immediate response. Wow. Are you sure you're looking for Cheryl Wu? Spelling wrong. And they were like, no. You're the owner of Moms Are the Best. Yes. They're asking me. I'm like, yes. No, we want you to come and teach this session. And I was flabbergasted. And then the thought occurred to me that I'd heard over and over and over, especially when I read books about successful entrepreneurs, sometimes opportunity knocks once, and it's your job to say yes and walk through the door of opportunity because it may never come again. And that could be the overview, your change or transformation of your life. So I said yes. And I was terrified. I was like, you know how you say yes, and then as soon as you hang up the phone, you're like, yes. What did I just do?

What did I just do? Yeah.

Yeah. So I guess I went to the speaking engagement. It was September 18th. That was 2010. I'd already started my business, like I said, a year and a half earlier. And when I went to the event at Morgan State University and I got up on stage, I was like, oh, my God, my palms are sweating. I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are they going to. Are they going to get me? Like, is this going to make sense? And then I just said, stop. Just stop, Cheryl. Just be authentically you. And if you're always authentically you, you never have to be anything more. And I shared my truth and I shared my journey about what I was trying to do and why I started my business and how I started my business and how I made it legal and all this kind of stuff, and. And it was, like, maybe 15 minutes into the presentation I'll never forget. And I kind of just looked out through the room, and I could see people with, you know, notepads taking copious notes. And I could see some women and tears were starting to bring down their faith because I was sharing my story about how I was this woman that makes me emotional every time, felt so inadequate and felt so unqualified because of all the stuff I didn't have, I didn't have a bunch of money in the bank. I came from nothing. You know, who am I to think I can create a different life? And as I was sharing that story, I could see other women, like, emotionally being connected to that message and not feeling like you're worthy or you're enough. And then I talked about pushing through that and pushing through my own fears. And every time my own toxic mind tried to stop me, I had to press through that and unplug and plug into something else. And it was at the end of that presentation, women came running up to me and they were hugging me and they were crying and they were saying, I know there's 500 women here, but you were talking to me and you were telling my story. And I knew on that day I wanted to feel that way for the rest of my life. By making women feel for the rest of my.

I just got chills from that. It's so power and so much, so many nuggets in that one share. Because I tell women a lot of times when. That they're scared to take action into their. Their purpose. I'll ask them. I don't tell them. I ask them. I say, are you selfish? And they are always taken back by that. And what you just shared really speaks into why I think I asked that question because when we are in our own heads about not sharing because we're scared of our being judged or our beliefs that we've been taught or all these things, look at all the other people. We're not helping.

Yeah.

And the difference you're making now, because you worked through that, you walked through it scared anyway, but you did it. You're touching so many women and helping them because you got out of your own head and you said, I'm not going to be selfish and I'm just going to be real. And I think so many times we're making it about us. You know what? I would. I. I can't do it. I'll be judged. People won't like me, whatever it is. But it's. The true gift of helping others is in that selfless act of just going for it anyway. I believe.

I know. I totally agree. I always tell my clients, you are sitting on what somebody is waiting on.

Yes.

Like. Like the fact that you have. There's something that you know so well or you do so much better than other people, or you have some level of expert knowledge about that someone is. They're praying for it. Yes. Paying for that answer. And Even though the answer might be out there, they will never hear it until you express it or you share it or you do it. Because their voice, your. Their transformation is connected to your voice. You know, it's almost like. Like, my husband can tell me something a thousand times, but when my coach tells me, I'm like, oh, my God, that's brilliant. That is absolutely brilliant. And my husband like, okay, I told you. I tell you that every day, and you don't believe me. Right. I couldn't hear from his voice. I had. There was a specific voice assigned to me that only I could receive it from them. And so we don't want to hold that whole people from their transformation because we're so focused on self and how I sound and are they going to judge me and are they going to think I'm enough instead of focusing on, oh, my God, I have something that can transform somebody's life?

Yes. Yes. How did you navigate the naysayers during this? Because you had people, I'm sure, close to you, family, friends that were going, what the heck are you doing? And trying to bring you back to their reality or of the circumstances.

Yeah, yeah. And you know what I did? I gave grace. I gave grace to people who are so called naysayers, because a lot of times they're naysayers because they're scared. So even my own husband, it's like, first of all, think about it. You're talking about doing something that is completely outside of your own norm, something that has no guaranteed result, something that's scary, something you know you're taking a big risk. And when you think about your own dream, aren't you scared? I am, of course. Scare me. So if they scare me and it's my vision and my dream, of course they're going to scare the people that love me, and it's not their vision. So I think sometimes we have to pull away from thinking that people are negative or naysayers because they don't want us to succeed. Succeed. Or they think we're crazy and instead give them grace to say, I get it. I understand why you're scared, because this is a scary thing that I'm doing. But I promise you, we got this right. Just stick with me. I'm going to show you exactly why I'm pressing forward, even through my own fears and my own doubts. And so releasing people from. Releasing them from an expectation that they're going to be understanding and supportive and loving and not ask questions because they probably think you have lost your mind, that's what happens when you do something radical and seemingly crazy? That again, doesn't have any guaranteed results. So I just started giving people grace.

I love that, Cher. And I'm. I'm rethinking some advice I've given people before because I've told people to go for their dreams, you know, anyway, and. But what I. What I feel like I want to modify on that is that you've got to have conviction and certainty about where you're going. Because for what you just said. Because if you go to somebody and say, I think about. I'm thinking, you go to your spouse. I'm thinking about doing this, I might fail. I'm scared. And then you're mad at them, they're questioning you. Well, that makes sense. But if you do it with the way that you're talking about the conviction uncertainty of like, this is. This is why I'm doing it. This is the passion. This is what I'm gonna.

This.

I've got this. I'm confident that's going to enroll other people in supporting you on that as well.

Yeah, because it was that way with the T shirt business. Way before I started speaking with the T shirt business, I was failing miserably. I'm not gonna lie. Like, I would go to events and there they would tell me they're going to be 100 people there, and there end up being 10 people there. And I would sell one T shirt, and I had been there for six hours. I mean, I had some horrible stories. And so I would come home and my husband would say, so how did it go? Yeah. And I never wanted to answer that question. So I kind of started like dodging him when I would come in from events. But there was a conviction about. But I got to go back again.

Yes.

Initially, he couldn't understand what. You just had a failed event. Why would you go to another one and then you come back from that one? Well, you just had another failed event. Why would you go again? Because I know there's an event that's waiting for me where there's success there, and I've got to get through all of these nos and all these failures in order to get to that one. But like you said, I was so convicted about it that it almost does get a buy in from the person. Because you're so convert. Convicted and so determined about it.

Sure. Oh, gosh. Makes so much sense. Okay, how did you.

So.

So tell us what happened with the T shirt business and when did you know it was time for the next thing and to start Dreaming Bigger September.

September 18, 2010 When I did that first speaking engagement at Morgan State University, I knew without a shadow of a doubt I had never felt that way about anything I'd ever done in my life. And I'm in my late 30s at that time.

Yes.

So I kind of, you know, I've been through some things and done some things, but I never felt that sense of fulfillment because I felt like I was helping someone else for once in my life, really doing something that would help shift the trajectory of somebody else's life. So after that, at the beginning of the next year, which is 2011, I was like, oh, I'm going to be a speaker. Oh yeah, that's going to be my full time. And I started introducing myself that way at networking events. I was like, hi, I wasn't even Dr. Cheryl Wood yet. I'm Cheryl Wood, international keynote speaker. And it was funny because I was saying international keynote speaker. And I had never left Baltimore, I never even left the country. But I was already foreseeing where this was going to go because it. You cannot have something that lights you on fire the way speaking lit me on fire that day and not believe that that's your gifting and your calling like new without that.

Okay, so that is what. When people, when you hear, act as if that that is it in a nutshell. That's acting as if is everything. Because it's not making something up, it's working from your vision. It's going, this is my future vision. This is the future version of myself. This is what I know I'm stepping into and then working backwards from there. And that's how you became what you saw because you started speaking as if it was right now and present it just. Which is beautiful.

Yeah. And the more you say it, the more you believe it. So yes, the more I introduce myself as Cheryl Wood, International, I was like, yeah, I am going to be like. You start noticing your posture is a little different, you stand up a little bit different, a little different. And it just builds up your confidence to go for it.

So Cheryl, I can't take credit for this. This is like a number of people. But my art, my friend Jen Hoodie, who I think you know too, really got me doing this. But I started, because I'm such a vision thinker, I started operating from what's my three year vision and I actually recorded myself speaking into different areas of my life. Like three, it's three years from now. I'm so happy and grateful that. And I'm speaking into what's happened in my business or what's happened with friends or my spouse or my house, whatever. And I. Every morning and every night, I play that recording every morning and every night. And it's amazing how even that subconscious puts it in my mind as if it's right now. And just like you said, introducing yourself as that international speaker, I start seeing my husband differently. I start seeing everything differently because I'm playing that back.

Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that.

Can't take credit for the idea, but it is super effective. That's super effective. So what did you do with the t shirt business when that happened? Because now you're thinking, I've got a bigger vision. This isn't working right now. Was it easy to close it down.

Or what did you do? No, ironically, I kept doing the T shirt business. Um, because I didn't there. There was now in front of me a bigger vision, but I didn't know how. So even though I had the one speaking engagement and I knew I wanted to pursue that more, it was like, well, how. How does this uneducated. That's how I saw myself. Uneducated girl from poverty. Get on stages in front of thousands of people and share a message like, who the heck is going to want to listen to me? What are they going to want to hear from me? Like, I re when I tell you my head trash was my biggest challenge because of where I come from. I had to work on that for years. But in the meantime, I committed to one full year of speaking anywhere anyone would have me. I would speak for free.

Really?

For a full year. Wow. What I knew I needed, I didn't know how. I didn't have a, you know, I didn't have any famous people in my Rolodex. I didn't none of that. But I knew that my energy would speak for me. Like, all I need to do is get on the stage. And if I can get on the stage, like, my energy is going to be the thing that magnetizes more opportunities for me. So the more people I can hear, have hear me, the more doors are going to open. So I said, for one full year, I'm going to commit to experience and exposure.

Did you reach out to people saying you were going to do that or did you just. If you decided if they came to you, you were going to offer that?

No, I would go. When I went to networking events, I would introduce myself as international keynote speaker. I would talk about. At the time, my whole topic was fearless, focused and fulfilled. I ran that thing In a hole, because that's all knew how to speak about at the time. I couldn't speak about making money because I wasn't making any of my business. Like, there were so many things I couldn't speak about. So I was like, okay, Cheryl, fine. What is the thing that you're like, you really believe in? And it was being fearless enough to go for the stuff that scares you to death, like being focused enough on it that you would never quit before you cross the finish line. And then getting to a space where you are so fulfilled in life that other people are automatically touched by that and transformed by that because it just oozes out of you. So I would speak on that everywhere. So I would go to networking events, introduce myself and tell them that was my keynote speech. And then I would look online and I would go to people that I knew in the business community and I would say, hey, you know, I'm speaking now. And this is what I speak on. If you ever need anybody. And I spoke for mentoring groups, moms groups, schools. Every year. I spoke for my kids, Career Day, Anything I could, any stage I could get. I was saying, yes, okay, so this.

Is important, too, because this is another. I love this because you really went up against the ego on here. So I think sometimes when people say, okay, I'm going to. I'm jumping into this. I see my vision. And now they get in their head about what should I charge? And all of this, and then they start having a whole story around that. So you really just bypassed all that and said, I don't even. I'm not even going to engage that conversation. I'm not going to have a worthiness conversation. I'm not going to have a fight. I'm just going to do it for free. Get the experience, get the exposure. And I love that you did that. I love that you did that. Yeah.

And it enhanced me so much as a speaker, because you know what? It did it. Number one, it taught me how to speak in front of different audiences. Sometimes, you know, we. We niche down, which of course is important.

Sure.

But. But that means we don't know how. I don'. How do you speak in front of an audience of all men? How do I speak in front of an audience of people who are all a type? How do I speak in front of audiences of all women or young people? So because I gave myself that year of experience and exposure, I learned how to temper myself and temperament my presentation based on the audience and the energy and who was in the room. And if it was all men versus all women or if they were all PhDs, you know, and I PhD, a PhD degree, like all those things started to kind of, I felt like drop into my lap because I was making myself accessible to those platforms.

And then you built a resume doing it. You built.

Building my resume. And here's the thing about speaking. Nobody's coming and saying, oh, I see you spoke at the FBI. Did they pay you? Nobody.

Yeah, nobody asked that.

Right. It's just on your, as a part of your portfolio or as a part of your speaker one for sure. So all of those things were, were happening and then I was becoming more confident that I could, that yes, I can. Like, girl, you, you're more powerful than you know. And people would start to come and that was starting to be reinforcement that I was good enough. So sometimes your, your affirmations are powerful, but when you have people that come and reinforce that because of what they just experienced, that you want to stage or whatever it is that you're doing, that's what you need is the extra little push into the next one and then into the next one. And before you know it, you're standing up a little taller and you're actually starting to believe, oh my God, I really am going to do this. And you're almost.

So how. Okay, I have so many questions now. This is, I love everything about this, but I've got some detail questions because I know I'm just thinking of what somebody might be thinking listening to this. So number one, how were you doing your full time job still? Or were you still doing it while you were doing the speaking for free? And like how did you manage that? Like, did you have to travel? Were you only doing local? So that's, that's question one. And then question number two is, how did you move over into a paid model? And how did you even figure out, like, how do I price this first? Did you just go for something? Did someone coach you? Those are my questions.

Yes, great questions. Okay, so number one, yes, I kept my full time job, so I would only do speaking engagements on the weekends. That was it. Unless there was something like in the evening. Because I used to go to a lot of networking events. Let's say you go to Chamber of Commerce or Rotary events. A lot of their events are done in the evening. Okay. I would go to my full time job, then pick up the kids, drop the kids off fresh, and then go to the event and speak. So I did a lot. Like I was, when I say committed, I wasn't just Interested in a change of life. I was committed to you. Fully recipline. Yeah. I didn't care what it took. So anyway, so that's how I did it during the while I was still working a full time job.

So pretty much local stuff.

Local stuff. I wasn't traveling. Nobody knew me enough to be invited me to travel. Travel yet.

Like, even though you were international.

Even though you know that's right. So I was just doing a lot of local stuff and words started to get around. That's the thing about if you're really. If you're really intentional about being great at the skill that you say you have, like, people will spread the word and they'll put your name in hat. So I started getting all these opportunities and then. What's the second question?

Oh, second question is, how did you move to a paid model? Did someone coach you? Did you just make up a rate? Like, how did you even know what to do?

Nobody coached me because I couldn't afford a coach at the time.

Okay.

I didn't come from a world of personal development and professional development. So I'm like, hire a coach. What? Yeah. But I was like, I don't have no money for that. I'm living paycheck to paycheck.

Right.

But I read a lot.

Okay.

I would read, I would read other people's advice and guidance. Anyway, so I didn't have a model per se when I first started of what to charge. I just. Look, the reality was I was like, okay, if somebody pays you, I'm not gonna be very honest. If somebody pay you 300, Cheryl for you to come and speak for 30 minutes, girl, you're doing good because your job don't pay you $300 for 30 minutes.

Spoiler alert. She's one of the top paid motivational speakers in the world right now. But okay, but that's good. We started with $300. That's great.

At the time it was like 300 bucks. And when I got that first 300 bucks, I was like, oh my God, Mama, I've made it.

Yeah, you've made it.

300 bucks for 30 minutes of my time. And that just continued. And I would get 500 and I would get, you know, 700 and I would get. And it just slowly kind of increased.

Were they offering this or were you asking this? Were you?

They were offering this.

Okay.

For this. So it was kind of very organic, but you know, it's almost like when you're walking in a space of a certain price point.

Yeah.

You stay there until you require somebody.

Else gives you the value.

Yes.

So what I love about this too is first of all, how grateful and how much gratitude you had for even the $300 or even the free. Because I believe we get more if we appreciate what we have. We're not going to keep getting grander and grander amounts if we're not appreciating the smaller. Right. So I like that you stayed in this. Get this idea of, I'm just grateful and I'm happy to serve and I'm making this. And then. And that's very interesting that you think you have to stay at a rate until someone else validates you with it. So. So that's. When did you know, like, okay, wait a minute, I'm really good here. This is good. This is a business. Like, I gotta really up my game.

So I will never forget I went to this event and a lot of the things that I started to get was like, speak to sell, so you can get on stage and you can speak. We don't have a budget, but you can sell whatever your thing is. And so I would start with, like, my stuff would be like, $47, 97. I kid you not, but every event I went to, people would come in there like, oh, my God, you're the best speaker I ever heard. I can't make this up. Right? Yeah. The more you hear that, I wasn't becoming egotistical. It was just interesting. I'm like, that's great. So I went from that feeling good to this one event. I sold my little. I think it was $47 or $67 package. And I think I had like 30 people to sign up. I was like, yes, you're rolling at it. So then I stay for the next speaker. And the speaker behind me also speaks the same amount of time, but his package is $997.

Okay.

And he closes just as many people as I did, $97. It wasn't that he was any better than me. His presentation skills weren't any better. And that was the wake up call for me. It's like you are underselling yourself in such a big way. So it was no longer enough for people to applaud me that I was the best speaker they had ever heard. I need you to pay me.

Yes.

Because you're saying I'm the best speaker that you heard or pay me for the transformation. Right. And that didn't come until later, after I did finally get coaching. But initially it was that one opportunity that I was at where that speaker sold Just as much as I. Way more than I did the same amount of packages, if not more than I did at the 997 versus my little 67. I was like, wow, you probably could have closed just as much but you didn't give permission to believe that you were good enough to close that amount. So you stayed and played safe from the stage that of offering it for what the value that it really was so that you could monetize at a higher level.

Gosh, we all do that on so many levels in so I mean, and I think I would be willing to bet you probably even at a higher level do that to some extent. Even. We all do that at some level. Like some level of like we think and then we'll hear another coach or another speaker would they did this and we're like, wait a minute.

Yeah.

So it's so interesting human psychology around that. So did you, so did you create a new product or did you just raise the price on that one?

Immediately I was like, I will never ever do that again. Yeah. And so then I started, I started kind of going into a new season and I was like, you know, if I really want to, because I'm still working my full time job. And I was like, if I, if I ever really want to walk away from this, which by the way, I was a legal secretary and I was like, if I ever want to walk away from this job and really do this thing that I love so much full time, like I get to touch people's lives all across the world. There's no way I'm going to be able to hold down a full time job and kids and do this. So. So I was like, Cheryl, you've got to tap into your conversation about money. And that's when I started hiring coaches. And I was like, I don't care what it takes. I started saving money. And I remember my first coach that I hired, she said it's $6,000 for six one hour sessions with me. They were going to be virtual. And I was just like, she has lost her mind. $6,000. I was so offended by this because in my world that was like $6 million.

Yes, I get it.

Just playing around. But I remember thinking to myself two things.

And now you're like, wow, she was a bargain coach, right?

She was. And she worked with one of the top speakers in the world as that first right hand person. So I couldn't get to the person I really wanted at the time. Yeah, I could get to this person. But still the $6,000 blew me away. So I, but I sat and I thought and I said, you know what? She already has the life.

Yes.

That was the switch for me. She already has everything.

Did she tell you that or did you have to you raising that? That was your own conversation.

My own conversation. As I sat and fussed about the $6,000 to myself, with myself, I was like, well, Cheryl, I mean, she's 6,000, but she is living the very life that you're saying you want. Like, she's, she's on the stages and she's speaking into lives and she's changing, you know, the trajectory of people. Everything you say you want, she is doing it. So you got to get to the knowledge that she has if you're ever going to get closer to this big dream. And then my second thing was be bold enough to ask for help. And this is what I mean by that. I didn't have $6,000.

Okay.

But I knew I had a full time job and I got paid every two weeks. And I went back to her and said, I would love to be coached by you. I know I need to be coached by you. I don't have $6,000. Could we split it up into six payments of $1,000? And she said, yes, yes. And that's how I started in coaching.

Oh, I love that. And I also, here's what I love so much about. There's so many things I love in that. But when we stretch ourselves and invest in ourselves, what's a little scary? We pay so much more attention. And I, I wish people would understand this more. Because if something's free or super affordable or easy for us, honestly, I don't think we give it that much attention or value.

Absolutely not.

When you stretch yourself, it's, I mean, I'll tell you, we have, we have a same coach. And when I first paid for her, I thought, what am I, the heck am I doing? But I've never worked harder to make, make what I was learning come to fruition. Because I didn't look at it as investing in her. I invested in myself.

Yeah, that's how I looked at it. I love that we talk the same language. I'm not investing in, I'm investing in me.

Yeah.

In partnership with the coach. But knowledge that I gained, nobody can take that knowledge away from me. And ironically, even with that coach, I took the next step and went to the next coach who coached that person. Wow, $20,000 investment. But I'm always looking, how do I become?

I do the same.

How do I add More value, so I can be more valuable to the people I'm called to serve. So I've got to be a student. Ongoing, lifelong.

Yes. And I will tell you, when you invest in a coach, it up levels your coaching for sure. And the belief that you can do more for people and help them and all. It. So I think it's just. It's just a whole. It always works out that way. Um, that's so. So how did you finally quit your job and was that still scary even though you. You already were making it in a different place?

Yeah. So about, let's see, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. About four years in, I finally walked away from my job and I. I wasn't prepared. I didn't have an exit strategy. I didn't have a bunch of money in the bank. I was just so passionate. Yeah, well, that was a mistake because about six months later, my husband lost his job. Now we are two grown people in the house with no job. And when I tell you it was the hardest thing I've ever experienced, we lost everything.

Wow.

And I do me. And I remember this one moment in particular. I was sitting on my couch and I was so. You know how all the energy has just been sucked from you, like, for sure. Left to give. I was in a moment of. I had nothing left to give because I felt like this is what I was supposed to be doing. This is what I was put on the planet to do, in the world to do, but it wasn't working. And at first I had, you know, a little bit of money to play with, but no time for my kids. Now I had all the time in the world but no money to do anything with. And I was just like. I was literally, like, wailing to God, like, yeah. I thought this is supposed to be what my life is about and my legacy and all that good stuff. And I was sitting on the couch with tears kind of streaming on my face, but I was trying to hide them because I don't want my kids to be crying. And my husband saw me and my husband. And I'm going to just say, my husband is a pessimist. I'm an optimist. Right.

Okay.

Completely the opposite of me.

Yeah.

In that. In that moment, he came over and he said. And he literally just put his hand on my shoulder. He said, don't you dare give up. He said, somebody in this household is going to live their dream, and it is going to be, you don't dare give up. And I. My husband never said anything like that. He had Never been the voice of reason. He was always, you spending too much money and this and that. But in that moment, he was the very voice I needed to hear say those words to push me to stick with it. Because I was at my breaking point. I wanted to throw in the towel. And. And so with that, here's a second part of that that was so hard. I ended up going back to work. I ended up going back to a job. And I felt so deflated because here I had been out in the marketplace telling people entrepreneurship. I felt like such a fraud. I felt like a fraud. And in hindsight, it's crazy, because we should never feel like a fraud for doing the things that's necessary to take care of our families, because our families are our first ministry. Like, you can't serve serving your family. And so now I tell that to my clients because I don't ever want anybody to get into that space where they deflate themselves and feel like a fraud because they're doing what they have to do. But in that moment, I felt deflated. I felt like, oh, my God, this is. I cannot believe I have to go back to the very thing I said I didn't want to do anymore. But the lesson I learned in that was just how. Go back to that word we talked about earlier.

Convicted.

Just how convicted I was. So I took a three month temporary assignment.

Okay.

I went to the job I covered. I was covering a young lady who was out on maternity leave. I ended up blowing them away because I was really, really good at what I did. Right.

Most entrepreneur personalities are. We make dream employees for people.

Yes, exactly. So I. So I'm. It's time for me to leave the job, and the girl, young lady is coming back, and they pull me into the office and like, can we have a meeting with you? Okay, sure. So it's. It's the person I'm supporting, the attorney. I'm supporting two other attorneys and the general counsel of this particular company. And they said, we cannot let you go. Like, we have a full time gig for you. We want you to be in this department at this company and support the general counsel. And here's how. And it. It paid me more than I was when I left the time. And I was like, oh, my God, what do I do? Like, we're broke, busted, and disgusted. Like, I need this job. I was like, I need this job, but I don't want to give up my dream. So what I ended up doing was I took the job, but I committed to only being there for a Short time. And this is how crazy committed I was. I went into the general counsel's office and I said, look, I will take this job, but I need you to know I'm not going to be here long. I'm not. Because I got dreams. And here's the dream. And I had this flyer of this lady who was a motivational speaker because you know, in attorneys they have offices, they always have to go for CEUs continuing education units. So we would always get these flyers of event. And it was this one event that they were promoting and it was a flyer, it was a lady space on there and it said motivational speaker for this big attorney conference. I said, see, because you see that right here, that's going to be me. That's literally so good. I love that though, that's about to hire you somebody who's truly convicted and where they know supposed to be. So I stayed on that job for exactly one year and three months and then I walked away. Oh, I love this story. With more of a plan this time. I walked away with even more conviction than before this time I walked away with the idea that you can't just speak for applause. You got to speak for money. You got to get paid for this thing if you're going to change your life. And that was literally. That became kind of the catalyst of who I am today.

So authentic. I love that story and I love that. I mean, it was so authentic because you told them what you were headed to. Like there was no. It was no lying. There was not. I'm going to stay here forever. That you told them what you were going after. This is so brilliant, everything that you're sharing. And it's really fascinating how when we have setbacks and anyone successful I talk to can resonate with this. When you have a setback and you think everything is doomsday. And I've had many of them. I had my gosh in 2008, I lost everything. And I've had several times in my life where it was like this complete rock bottom. And when I hit those moments, I couldn't understand why. And the same wailing to God and the same like, what's wrong with me and what I don't. I'm so confused. Sometimes people get stuck in that and they never recover. You know, they let that be the reason to quit or to not go on. And others use that as an opportunity and propels them for forward even stronger. And I talking to successful people that have had those setbacks, they're so grateful for those setbacks Now I can tell you I'm grateful for every single one of mine. Even when I had an October that I thought was going be to kill me forever, it like really set me up for something I couldn't even see for myself. So I think those setbacks are so important to embrace and I'm assuming that you, that you see that now and I would just love your share on.

That a little bit. Absolutely. Like, you know, there's a saying by one of my mentors, Dr. Willy Jolly, he says a setback is a setup for a comeback. So every time you get a setback, just, just wait because, oh God. Is about to blow your mind come back that you're about to have from setback. And so every setback we have is. It's just information learned. It's like, oh, okay, I learned something new. And my thing is, how can you add value to other people's lives if you never experience setback or trials or hardship as you're on your journey of becoming the greatest version of yourself? Like, you can't even relate to people if you've never had a setback. Because every human being is going to have a setback, it's never a perfect journey. So I love when I have those setbacks because it's. It deepens my heart to heart.

Well, you might not love when they're actually happening.

They're happening. Let me say I love the lessons later. Yes. Back in hindsight for sure. Yeah. You never like it when I'm going through it.

No.

But I do love the lessons that I learned from it that deepen my connection to the people that I'm. Yes.

Yeah. And I want people to hear too, that I think that no matter how successful somebody looks on the outside, when they're having this epic, they have the same stories in their heads that you do. We go through the same. I'm a failure, I'm a loser, all this. And it's work to get out of it. I think the difference. I can speak for myself. Maybe you agree or not, but I just shift faster now. So it's not that I don't have them or feel those mean thoughts to myself, but I shift out of it a lot quicker.

Yeah. I always tell people I give myself.

About 60 seconds or you're faster than me. I at least have a day. At least have a day.

What? Because I'm very clear that it can become a quick success spiral downward if I stay in it too long, if I stay in the mess of it, if I stay in the toxicity of the disappointment, the discouragement, the failure. It can. It can literally spiral down really, really quickly. And I'm like, I have too many people waiting on me and too many people to serve to be in a spiral downward. I don't have two, three days to be depressed. I like that. Too many people waiting on me. And if I don't move, they don't move.

Yeah.

Show them what it looks like to get up. They won't get back up. So I just don't have the time to stay down. I just don't have time.

And look what you've taught your kids now because you got teenagers now, right?

Yeah, three teens. I have two sons, 15 and 16, and my daughter's 18.

Yeah. So what a what in a great. A great role model you are for them. How do people. I mean, how does one work with an international speaker that has in high demand as you? I'm. I mean, I know you do some coaching. You do speaking. How does one book you? How do they work with you? How do they get more of you?

Yeah, I mean, follow me on social media heroempowers. I'm always speaking somewhere in different cities, all across the US and oftentimes abroad. I host my own masterminds, business masterminds, and I have a host of speaker training programs for people who really want to delve more into the impact of their voice and unleashing what that impact is. And for each of us, it's different. And it's not about wanting to be a platform speaker. It's not wanting to be, oh, I want to travel 364 days out of the year. But it's not that. It's. I want to be responsible for sharing what I know in such a compelling and captivating way that I am able to transform people's lives and help them to see their life different.

So good.

That's. That's just taking responsibility for what you've experienced and what you've been given.

And Dr. Sharwood is the real deal. I can speak from being around her myself that she's constantly up leveling her own education. She's constantly working with coaches up leveling her skill set, getting to the next level so she can better serve you. So, yes, please follow her. I've got FOMO looking at your mastermind all the time. It looks incredible. Follow her in all the places. Thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you for such a vibrant conversation. I had a blast.