The Money Mentality to Change your Finances in Midlife with Kiné Corder

Today I'm here with my friend Kenne on midlife Conversations. And I wanted to bring her on because one of the topics that kept coming up when I asked midlife clients, midlife followers on social media, midlife people in my world, and I have myself, is all came around finances and money and how do we have more of it and what do we do with it and how do we attract more of it and is this ever going to change for me? Stories around money. So what I love about Kanae is she's not only a national certified counselor, but she is a financial therapist. That's what she does. And she has got some fascinating information around this, including the three phases which I've just learned about from her that I want to dive into with you today. So thanks so much for being here today, Kanae.

Thank you for having me. I am so excited because we do not get enough time together, but every time we get together, the conversations are so deep and rich. So I'm looking forward to today.

Yeah. Okay, so let's start with why. Because you were trained in so many things. I mean, you've got a hypnotherapy background, all these things. Why did you sort of land on financial therapy? Tell me that.

Yeah, so my background is actually in finance. I was a financial advisor for many years, most recently with Morgan Stanley, and really enjoyed my work with millionaires. But then I kind of felt like there was something missing. Like I just. I wasn't getting to the bottom of why they weren't happy. I wasn't getting to the bottom. Like, we had these beautiful financial plans, yet it just seemed like something was missing in their lives. Right. But it also felt like it was something missing in my life and I wasn't helping them. I wasn't helping me. And I heard about financial therapy, the Financial Therapy association, and I was like, what is that? So I dug a little deeper and decided to make the and get my master's in clinical mental health counseling. And then I mixed the two together. So I took my financial background and financial strategy with my therapy background and then merged them together and created my practice.

I love that. Okay, so I want take us through these three phases because these are interesting and then help us understand, like, when do people experience these phases? So let's start with. You mentioned that number one was the sort of the survivor phase.

Yes. So let me take one step back and say that a lot of times people talk about money mindset. I want to be clear that money mindset is conscious brain. And we at presidential Lifestyle. We talk about money mentality. Money mentality is subconscious brain. So a lot of what we're about to talk about today has to do with subconscious brain. Like, we know all the balance, your checkbook, you know, all the conscious brain stuff. We have it, it's in our heads. But our subconscious brain has all of these stories rolling around that won't let us get it out exactly the way we envision it in our imagination. So because of that, we typically go through three phases. The Survivor mode. That's the first one. Survivor mode. Now, let me be also clear that you may not go through all of these phases. Some people were born with money and they never even experienced Survivor mode. Some people were born without money, but they never experienced Survivor mode because their family just didn't live that that way. They felt abundant anyway. But I'm going to explain them as if you each person and what they will experience while they're in that mode. So if you are in Survivor mode, what that looks like is you scraping and scrounging. No matter how much. You can have millions of dollars coming in. But if you're spending hundreds of million and then you're living outside of your means, you are surviving. Also, what Survivor mode looks like is just feeling like you don't have enough, probably comparing yourself to others or some vision that you want to. To see or have in your life. What's happening subconsciously is that you've been told that money is hard to come at. So even if you get money, somehow it goes away because money is hard to get at. So that's Survivor.

So I'm assuming there's people listening that are feeling like, that's me. You're speaking to me. I'm in that stage. What do they do if they're recognizing that? How do they move out of that?

So first step for Survivor mode is to check out where that program came from. Was it your community? Was it your parents? Was it some money mistake you made? Because a lot of times it can be cultural or like, I'm a therapist. Many therapists believe that. That they're not supposed to make a lot of money. There's some guilt around making money. Because I serve the public, I'm not supposed to charge people a lot. This should be for everybody. Where that may be true, there are ways for therapists to make millions and millions and even billions of dollars and still serve the public. But because there's a story running in their head that they're not supposed to, then they can't get out of that Survivor Mode. So the first would be to check that programming. What are those messages that you heard growing up? And this goes across the board. No matter what phase you're in, you want to check your program and you want to get really clear on what those messages, what were. And then if you can shift the message slightly, you can't go from, I don't know, you know, money doesn't grow on trees to money comes easily and frequently. That's just a statement that we teach. But it takes some time. You got to slowly shift it so that you can get from money doesn't grow on trees to a slightly better idea. Slightly better idea. Because remember, these are ingrained beliefs that have been there for a long time. Now, of course, hypnotherapy is what I use to get down to your subconscious brain, but time and repetition is also how you get out of it. And a lot of time and a lot of repetition, you have to be consistent with it. Kind of like when you're doing a workout plan or a nutrition plan or whatever new life change you're making or even being in a relationship, right? Some of us got married later in life, and we're like, whoa, dude, you're in my space.

It's so wild how those childhood stories, those things that our parents said that what we were growing up with, they just keep coming back. You know, as you're talking, I'm thinking how when I was a kid, my parent, the constant story was, we don't have money. It was always, we don't have money, we don't have money. There's not. And then. And there was also a story, if you have money and nice things, people want to take it from you. So. And I remember having a very heavy story around those things. In fact, I remember being burglarized when I was probably 7 or 8 years old and for. At our home. And that was what my parents said. They said, when you have nice things, people want to take it. However, I always had what I want, what I wanted, and what we needed. We never went without. So it's interesting when I was looking at, you know, when I was really diving into this money mindset thing in my 40s, I really started to see that pattern that, wow, I have this belief that I don't have. I have this belief that if I believe that if I have it, people want to take it, but I'm also not doing without. So it's like I literally was repeating the exact pattern I learned as a kid. So I love that you're sharing this because it took for me, me like that first step of being just even aware, like, where is this even coming from to be able to change it.

Exactly. And the interesting thing is that you pointed out is that it's not about the dollar amount.

Right.

It's not about having or not having money. It really is about the feeling. So even if you get millions of dollars, like I tell this story sometimes there was a gentleman, older gentleman, and his wife sent him to the store to get red peppers. Now this man is a millionaire and he can afford a whole basket full of red peppers. But he comes back home to his wife with green peppers and she says, I asked for red peppers. And he said the red ones are too expensive. What? They're like $2. What are we talking about here? And even another story of a billionaire who his wife drives a Bentley, but he doesn't like her to go through tolls. He says, just take the other way is just 10 minutes longer. Just 10 minutes longer.

I love it.

He's a millionaire. He can't pay a three dollar toll. Right.

Thinking about my husband, dry, he. My husband dries out paper towels. Like he'll use a paper towel to dry off the blueberries and then he'll dry it out to reuse it. Like we can use another paper towel.

It's not dirty. Right.

We're not in the Great Depression. We're okay.

Exactly. And many of us were raised by Great Depression children. Right. Our parents and grandparents were in the Great Depression and they passed down that programming to us. And we may not. We really want to get out of it. Conscious brain, we know better, but some conscious brain is baked into our program.

Makes sense. Okay, so the next one. So I, so, so what I'm hearing from you, if you're in survivor mode, first step, recognize it and start digging deep to where that came from. It sounds like that's the, that's the first step. Talk about the striver. The second, the other phase.

So the striver is my favorite and it's one that I work with the most. And the striver is, you know, both of us have been here where we were just like, what is this business I'm building? Like, what's the next step? Who. Where's the next deal?

I haven't left that, Kenne. That's still me. That's always me.

I'm not all the way out of it. So, you know, just like, where's the next deal? Where's the opportunities and just grabbing at them and work, work, work, work, work, work. A Lot of that has to do with us believing that money is an action. Like getting money means doing something. And it's really, really tough to get out of that mindset. It is tough to sit on the beach and say money will just come out of the air. And you're like, no, surely I need to get up and go somewhere or do something. Even if it's just run across this beach and take a picture doing it and post it so people can pay me for it. Right. You don't know what it is, but somewhere inside of you, you believe that there's something that you have doing in order for money to be happening. And that's a program because it's really not true. It has nothing to do with nothing. And let me tell you, I have so many stories while I'm over here. Work, work, work, work, work. Got this thing going over here. Machine, machine, machine over here. Universe is doing this thing. And I don't know that this person saw me or saw somebody and now they're interested in me. And all of a sudden I have a deal that I could not even dream of having because. And anything to cultivate the deal.

That's wild.

I know you have stories like that.

As you're saying that, Kenny, that's. So I went through my business in the last. This is. This was crazy for me. And you'll love this. I went through my business in the last two years recently and I could not believe, I was so shocked that where I spent my most time was our least profitable areas. Like literally, like, I mean, yes, we were making money on those things, but like I made more money in more things that I had nothing that like I had set in place. Like kind of a set it and forget it. And that was really eye opening for me of like, wow, I really need to spend time on creating a system and letting things run versus, like I always have to be in it. Really what you're saying?

Yeah, it's right.

Wait, Kenne, you froze a second. The energy, Kanay froze for a second. So we have to go back right.

There.

After I told that story.

So it's so clear just by looking at it in black and white, when we look at it in black and white, you looked at the numbers and you saw that it had nothing to do with effort or hard work and everything to do with just this. Like you said, you put it in place. You forgot. You just said it and forget it.

Couldn't believe it.

System is already there. You already just created the money system.

Yeah, I literally changed my Entire business model moving into this next year. Because of that, I ended programs that I was doing live. I end. Like, I changed my entire direction because I'm like, that's ridiculous. This is crazy. Like, I'm stressing myself out in these areas to generate when other things are doing better.

Yep. And that is a great segue because right before we go into thriver, I want to tell you about. See, there is this idea that if you just put it in place and leave it alone, it kind of grows on its own. Kind of like a seed. Right. Some herbs take one day to grow. Other herbs take 30 days to grow. And then some of them, just as they grow, they just keep coming back and multiplying. Like, tulips are a wonderful flower, and they just multiply and multiply and multiply. And you don't have to do anything. So some of the things you do will be like tulips. Other things you do will be. I don't know what herb I can say, but there are some herbs that just take a long time, and then you eventually have to say, you know what? That herb is not for me. Yeah, I like the tulips. You know, I like the tulum. But you also have to be willing to say that because that's what you have the courage to do, which is why so many people follow you. Because most people don't have the courage to do that. They say, no, this is what I've been doing. This is what I'm known for. This is how it's been, you know, going. I got to keep doing the same thing, expecting a different result. And, yeah, it's not the definition of insanity. It's the definition of humanity. We all do it.

It's true. I love that.

Yeah. So that takes me. So that idea that I got to keep doing, keep doing, keep doing, and then eventually you start asking questions, and that takes you to thriver mode, and you say, hmm, okay, I got this money, but I want more meaning in my life. Like, I really want to enjoy the things that I'm doing, and I want to make an impact in the world. So it could look like Carnegie, where he decided, okay, I've hurt so many people doing business now. I want to open libraries and universities and halls and do good in the world. Or it could look like you continuing to make money, but you also make a difference with the money that you make. Could be like Tom's shoes, or it could be like, my work. I, right now, typically work with healers or other people who serve. So it feels Like, I'm multiplying by working with others who serve. Because not only am I serving, but then I'm serving the servers, so to speak, and then they're serving the world. So it feels really good to do that. So it could look like what I'm doing. It could look like Carnegie. It can also look like what you're doing where you're saying, okay, I did this thing, but there are these other people over here who need me and I'm neglecting them. And if I really am going to make some change in the world the way I want to make change, then I'm going to shift over here. As so many women going through that who are stuck in their title and they can't move to that next level we're taking.

We get typecasted. Yeah. I mean, I can't. I can't live that. I mean, it'll. There's not a day that goes by that somebody doesn't comment on my social media. Where's your fitness videos? Where's your workout videos? Like, I'm like, people can evolve.

I've done.

I've done every workout video that I could possibly make. There's like thousands of them. You can find them on YouTube, you can find them on DVDs, you can find them on TikTok. You can find. You can find them everywhere. I don't need to do them anymore. I'm good. I'm complete. But people don't want you to change, you know, so. So there's a. I think there's a heavy story of that, especially with women, too, where they might want to step into something else. Can I. Like, they're hearing what you say, but they're like, but people know me for this. Or they're. People want me right here. And there's a piece of.

Absolutely. There's two. There's the people pleasing component and then there's the. I don't know if I'll be as successful in this next thing as I was in this last thing. And that matters. I don't know why that matters. Because it could look differently. Many of my, like, my most wealthy client is at $500 million.

Wow.

I can tell you I am not there. So if I was comparing myself to him, I wouldn't want to do what I'm doing because I'm like, I'm not doing enough. How did he get to 5 million? Why is he listening to me all these stories? Right. But I know that I have something that he doesn't have. He has $500 million a year coming in. But I have a sense of freedom that he doesn't have and that's why he comes.

So good. I love that. Yeah, that is so good. So good. So I believe that, I believe that if you are not in what's currently lighting you up or not what's not what's currently not giving you purpose, you're not doing your best work anyway. So you could be known for something or have been good at something. Like I, there's no question in my mind I am not the best one to be leading workouts now. Like that was me 10 years ago. Like that's, that's not. There's people that are better at that than me. So one example. So I think you, if you put yourself where your passion is, you're going to thrive. If you put yourself where you're being purposeful and helping others in what lights you up, you're going to thrive.

Yeah, absolutely. And that was just our friend Charlene. She just recently posted Somebody still asking her about fitness videos and she's been out of that business for a while now and still getting these messages. And one of the things that I said to her was I, and I think I said this to you too, but I am just fully encouraged by the courage to do the next thing. Because why would you stay in the odu? It's like, oh, there's this group that my parents go and see every year I forget the name of. It's like George Something P Funk that is from the 60s. So anyway, they go see this man every year, he sings the same song. He has not changed. He wears the same exact outfit that he Wore in the 60s. And I'm like, I get this is enjoyable, but man, will you guys let this man evolve?

Yeah, that's funny.

He is stuck in the 60s and I can't imagine how scary it must be to be 80 years old but still trying to be like your 30 year old self, you know? Yeah, that must be so tiring, so exhausting to not be your authentic self. Because this takes us to thriver. Thriver is when you are in your authentic self. That's when you really want to be in striver. You're close, you're getting there, but there's a piece of you that's missing. And in thriver, this is when you really get to your true authentic self.

I love this.

And that must, that means shedding some old things if you really want to shine so good.

And I, I believe, I don't know this is true or not. It's just my. My experience that and a lot of people are stuck in striver. Right. And I think when you are in Stryber and a disconnect, things will start not doing as well. Like, maybe you'll have a few financial breakdowns or things. Your sales start suffering, whatever things start. And then you're like, why? And you just. You got to strive more. You got to strive more. And then when it clicks, oh, maybe I'm not in my purpose right now. Maybe I'm not this. Then it's like, it's so wild how quickly you can jump into Thriver Girl.

Yes. I am so glad you said that, because I wanted to mention that earlier. That is exactly what happens. So, ladies, if you're listening to this and that is happening to you right now, just keep hitting walls. Keep hitting walls. That's a money block, and I'm calling it a money block. Not because you're going to make more money if you shift, but you're going to love your money more.

Yeah.

That's what's going to happen. And it's going to come easily, it's going to come freely. And it may mean that it might be less. It could be. It could be more. The amount doesn't matter, because you are going to feel like a billion bucks when you get there.

Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And it's just like you said, like, all these little things that start happening. And I like to say it's like a pebble. You know, the little pebble will come first. Like, things will break down. And it's like, okay, I got your universe. And then. Okay, you hear me rock? And then you're like, okay, man, this is getting harder than it used to be. And then. Oh, bricks come. Wall of bricks just falls on you. It's like, okay.

That's exactly what happened to me with the fitness thing, by the way. I had four injuries, you know, four injuries in two years. And I'm like, I'm gonna power through it. I'm gonna power through it. And then even when that didn't happen, I had to have a financial hit with one of. One of my programs. And then when I saw that, I'm like, okay, now I need to look at this. And then it's like crazy how quick I shifted once I was on board with my new plan.

Yep, yep. And. And I witnessed that. I was there for that. So I. I definitely can imagine how hard that might have been. Like, but this has been working. Why is it not working anymore? Right? This always works. Why is it not working. And then you start to take it personally. You're like, okay, what am I doing wrong?

Not working hard enough. Not working hard. That's a story that I think a lot of people make up because they're not working hard enough.

Exactly. Yep. It's like, I'm not working hard enough. Or, okay, maybe there's some new trick or trick, you know, thing out there that I don't know. Let me go find out. Call some people. Hey, you know the new trick? This trick ain't working for me.

Today. And I are in a group together. We all do that, right?

We do. What's the new trick?

Everyone wants to know.

So it's like, what is it? Oh, I just need to make a shift.

Yes.

Thank you. And when you finally, like you said, when you finally do, just release, kind of surrender, which. That's a tough word for a lot of us. When you just surrender to it, you gain control over it.

So good. I love this. Okay, this is fascinating. Where can people learn more about this, Kanay? Because these are. I love these. I never heard it broken down into these three different phases like this. How do they learn more about and where do they follow you?

I do a master class. So I'm on Tick Tock and I am on YouTube and I do a masterclass definitely once a month, but sometimes twice a month called mastering your money mentality. And so that masterclass, you can register by going to presidentiallifestyle.com, which is our website, and it'll give you links to register for the masterclass. Also, if you follow me on TikTok or on YouTube, which you can find me at. More than therapy, like YouTube.com more than therapy. So more than therapy. Because that. It is really. It's. We talk a little bit, but I've got to throw in some hypnotherapy and then I throw in a little business conversation too.

So, so good.

It's definitely one.

Thank you so much for Kenne for today. Thank you so much, Kanae. It was great.

You're welcome. For allowing me to connect with your audience. You guys enjoyed it.